Missy's World

Not lost

2011-06-19T22:17:00.003-05:00

I am still here - lost in the world of facebook and micro blogging. Kids are awesome and Sweetie is awesome.
Now I am focusing in on me. I have a new weight loss blog. Feel free to read if you feel so inclined :-)

Missy's Journey to Fit

Where did the year go?

2011-04-05T11:12:00.002-05:00

Last Wed we celebrated L's b-day. We all took off from work/school and just hung out as a family. La Madeline was our breakfast (where he and I love the oatmeal), then some learning store exploring, park playing, and finally cake at G's. It was a day where it truly made me appreciate my husband and kids. We are a great family. Then on Saturday we had the party. It was at our favorite park with some family and friends. Of course, L didn't know what was going on, but he had fun. He never stopped walking - that is my little man, always on the go. Yesterday was his 1 year check up. The boy is healthy and big. 29.5" 22lbs. The only issue is that he has an ear infection. We had no idea. No fever, no complaining, no pulling. She said he has a high tolerance of pain - yep that is an understatement, lol. So there it is Sweetie and I are parents of a big kid and a toddler. I am smiling feeling complete as he keeps talking of a third :-) He cannot deny how much he adores being a dad. And now that the party is over we can plan our date day. For his marathon I bought us massages - we are going to do that as well as a movie and food. Sounds like heaven to me. As far as I go, I am still in a bit of a weight loss plateau. That is OK as I am focused. 31 weeks until 35. My studying has more motivation now as well. My new boss is pushing for me to finish the certification. This is good - I need some pressure to get things done. So I think that is a valid summary. Life is busy and hectic and wonderful. Everyday I am thankful for what I have :-)

Hello Stranger

2011-03-18T14:23:00.003-05:00

Things are crazy and good. In less than two weeks my little boy will be one. How did that happen? He is such an amazing little cute and snuggly boy. Our little hectic life is going good. It makes me smile and laugh daily. We are focusing this weekend on preparing for his b-day as well as making some to do lists for the house. That combined with wonderful weather, I am really looking forward to it. We may even make it to the farmers market tomorrow.
I am in a really good place right now. Which is one reason for lack of posting. Work has had some major changes but I am my normal and rolling with the punches. My weight loss has stalled, but that is ok as I am reassessing. Work has a new wellness program and we are all wearing pedometers and uploading our steps into a challenge website. It is fun and motivating right now which is all that I can ask for.

So fast

2011-02-11T16:31:00.002-06:00

This year has gone so very fast, it is unreal. You think it goes fast with your first, but OMG it goes faster with your second. The weekend before his b-day I have the cap10k, as I have mentioned. I am trying to keep my training at an even and planned pace - with my knee I cannot just do what I feel like. I know I can complete it, I just want to do it with style :-)

I am 9 pounds away from my goal for L's b-day. I must stay focused. The cold has taken me a little of course, but as long as I get my long walks in and hopefully three more, I will be grand.

L has been rocking and rolling with the walking. He has been taking steps for awhile. But this week he has truly used it for movement more than crawling. My little boy is already getting big.

I need to be working, but I don't want to. Bug was out for two days with strep - fun - so I worked from home. That is 10 times harder. But I was productive. Now that I am back to the office I just want to get outta here.

I have been studying though at night, and that makes me happy. I am trying to regain control of my life one aspect at at time :-)

Now the weekend is here, yay. Our plans are to complete a to do list of everything we want done for L's b-day, including a guest list. With bug we did it big. This time I think we won't do it as big, but I do want to celebrate it with a party.

Valentine's day is Monday. I need to get the kids some candy and such. Sweetie and I are not exchanging gifts, though I do expect some chocolate covered strawberries to share. I just cannot believe that it has been 14 years since Sweetie proposed. It seems like yesterday yet lifetimes ago. We were such different people then. But he took the opportunity to stand in front of 200 strangers and ask me to marry him. And I said yes. Actually he never said "will you marry me", he said "will you be my senses for the rest of my life" :-)

damn it is cold

2011-02-02T14:17:00.003-06:00

Waking to no power and 18 degrees is not the most fun. Well, it was fun. We weren't stressed and L had the best time crawling in the dark while Bug took charge of the flashlight. But it was cold.

Tonight is going to be fun as we get to go to a coffee shop that is displaying a friend's photography. It is going to be awesome. If only I survive the cold, lol.

This past weekend Sweetie ran his official 2nd half marathon. He is doing so awesome. His marathon is this month and I cannot wait to cheer him on.

I am doing good with my WW, down 36.8 now, only 44.4 remains. This week I started doing Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred. Two days in and I feel good, sore but good.

I am back on the studying bandwagon and hope to test in June.

OK that is all I have for little updates. Stay warm, peeps.

fun with photo booth

2011-01-29T10:55:00.005-06:00

Sweetie hasn't had the fun of playing with photo booth with us.

repost from FB

2011-01-26T13:02:00.001-06:00

smiling from ear to ear Sweetie knew I didn't have lunch and couldn't go out. He decided to surprise me by going to get me lunch and bring it to my work. I had no idea he was going to do this. This means even more as he had lunch at work so he didn't get himself anything. Now I look like a giddy school girl. Damn, I love that man!

MIA

2011-01-25T14:30:00.002-06:00

I have been missing, that is for sure. But nothing bad. Work, time with family, time with Sweetie, getting more routines for the kids, and general happiness has kept me busy.

My boy is growing and becoming a nice addition to our silly family. Bug is still amazing me everyday with something new she learned from school. I found out she checks on L while at school. She will report to me "he was sleeping today" or "he was taking a ride in the stroller". I love it. It will be strange to have them in two different places next year.

Sweetie has been training for a marathon and running a ton. I must say he is looking awesome in his running gear, heehee.

I have been busy with work, year end and audit prep are always a killer time for me. I am still working on the weight loss, though I did enjoy myself over the holidays. I have a much more realistic goal - all to do with my 35th b-day.

I just wanted to check in and let everyone that I am not gone, just taking a small break :-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2011-01-01T08:40:00.002-06:00

Hello 2011, nice to meet you. I have a lot of plans for you. Please grab a drink and sit down. We need to talk. I try to not have a ton of resolutions, or anything too crazy, but this year is my year. You see, since 2005 my years have had other focuses than the simplicity of losing weight. Between new baby, health issues, miscarriage, and pregnant again - I have had a focus of the "greater good".

Not this year.

This year is ME.

I started my workout program yesterday and am a part of the 100 day challenge (workout 30 minutes a day, everyday for the first 100 days of the year). My goal is to finish a 90 day challenge of chaLEAN, walk the Cap10k, and hope to jog the IBM 10k.

With weight loss, I want to get to a healthy weight this year. I am still with WW and plan to start following it once again. And this should be made easier with my goal of working out.

Then there is organization. I want to get my house to a point where I do not care who enters the door that they can walk into any room without me feeling embarrassed. This will require more schedules - which will aid in my eating healthier and losing weight. See where this is going. They all go hand in hand. Improve one part and others are bound to follow. Sweetie's resolution also has to do with de-cluttering and organizing.

And if I am sleeping better, eating healthier, feeling healthier, and am more on schedule, I should have time to do some studying. My certification went through a change and now is very different. I still have two tests to pass so I need to do this right and study some everyday.

So that is the plan, focus on ME. Only a couple of set goal time frames with other support goals. I can do this. I have the most supportive husband and kids.

Thank you, 2011, I look forward to working with you :-)

Happy Festivus

2010-12-23T11:45:00.002-06:00

I cannot think of today without thinking of my brother, and of course seinfeld. I miss him so much! Hopefully we will get to see him soon.

Today I am huge smiles. My babies were so awesome this morning. Not to mention that Bug bought me a Christmas present last night. I don't care what it is, though I have an idea. All that matters to me is that she thought of it. She got everyone a gift this year - and really thought about it all. She is awesome and amazing. I am so very lucky to have her.

L is awesome too, don't get me wrong, but on a much squishier and gigglier way. He is trying so hard to walk and is into everything. But one look into his blue eyes and seeing his crazy red hair, and you cannot help but smile.

I go into this Christmas holiday feeling very blessed, loved, and lucky.

One more week

2010-12-17T16:42:00.002-06:00

Until Christmas. I cannot believe it is nearly here. We have a ton of cleaning to do and Sweetie has to help me not lose my mind. This year is so much fun with Bug, though she is catching on to Elf on a Shelf. Christmas eve is mine this year. I truly love hosting it, I missed it last year. I have a ton to do, but my gift to myself is cleaning my house. I need to get everything done so I can attack my kitchen. I want to overhaul it so I feel inclined to cook and plan meals. Then the new year will be here. My goal is to get the house super clean and consolidated. I want my room to be my sanctuary. I also need to finish my certification. Blah. It is all good - just need to get a pen to paper to make some realistic plans/commitments.

There is so much to do next year, including my L's 1st birthday!! But for now, to focus on the end of 2010.

Don't have much time

2010-12-11T20:29:00.003-06:00

But I had to post that this has been the best weekend. Friday night was my company Christmas party and it was fun, bowling and drinking are a great combination. Today was hanging with the family at MIL's with crafts and food. YUM!!!

Tomorrow is Sweetie's first half marathon. That is 13.1 miles! I am so very proud of him. Other than that I need to clean, decorate, wrap, and shop for Christmas eve.

Sweetie and I took Wednesday off to shop and had the most most most wonderful day. Shopping for two is so much fun, add a yummy lunch where we like to tip 93% and a movie and you have the perfect day. We even stopped and took my chain in that broke - they were wonderful and replaced it free of charge. This means that I am happy to have my tree necklace back on me.

OK L is crying for a bottle so I must wrap this up.

My loves

2010-12-06T21:43:00.001-06:00

Post Santa visit wonderful dinner. Tonight was a great family night.

sore

2010-12-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

I am sore. But it is a good sore. It is the kind of sore that makes you actually feel stronger than before the workout that caused it. I started a new workout program on Monday and am loving it so far. I also started the yoga. On Monday I did weights, Tuesday yoga, Wed rest, Thurs weights, and today will be yoga and weights. You see I am focused. First, Darkdiva wants to photograph me in a couple of weeks - she mostly deals with painted bodies - can we say "yikes". Luckily she is very talented and I trust her. Then there is the whole anniversary goal - getting close you know. But I also have another goal. You see when I hit 20 pounds lost I went to VS and got fitted and a new bra. I promised myself this treat with each 20 pounds. I only have 6 pounds to go. And boy do I need this, my bras are way too big.

Back to the anniversary - I need to decide what to plan for this one. What do you do for 13? I have a couple of ideas of places to take the family for the long weekend. I guess it is time to get a move on as I have less than a month.

And how can I not say something about this time of year. I love it! And even with me watching my weight and exercising, I still made my bourbon balls and plan to enjoy them and cookies at Christmas Eve. Tomorrow is Bug's first try at ice-skating and then the nutcracker. We also need to finish decorating and getting lights on the house. And true to form the only music played in my car is Christmas music. Yes, I am that kind of annoying mom. Bug is enjoying it, for now. I know in the not so distant future my silliness and dancing in public will become her worst nightmare. Good thing I don't embarrass easily :-) Between L's first Christmas and Bug so very into it this year, life is good.

Yes, I will end it with that - Life IS Good!

We need a little Christmas

2010-11-28T09:19:00.003-06:00

Thankful day 6 - L has a bad cough and low grade fever so we stayed in all day. I missed BestFriend's party and that kills me. So my thankful for today is food. And how I have been enjoying it. So happy the new WW plan comes out on Monday. But I am thankful for when I say "I want xxx" that we have the means to fill such a need. Tonight was sushi and baileys.

Thankful day 7 - I am thankful for choices. I can decide what to wear, eat, shop, work, and when I want to do things, like testing.

Today is Christmas baking - mmmm bourbon ball time. After baking we will finish our decorating - got the tree up but not decorated yesterday. Then we must do the dreaded, prepare for work/school tomorrow.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I know that I have. Thank you to my friends and family who make everyday a day to give Thanks.

Thankful

2010-11-26T09:41:00.002-06:00

Thankful day 3 - I am thankful for my employment. Things may be strange now, but I do like where I work and what I am doing. There are so many out of work right now and I know that things can change at any minute, but I am Thankful.

Thankful day 4 - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I am thankful for the roof over my head. It may not be fancy or big, but it is mine and does the job. A cold front came in during the afternoon and I was not fully aware as I was busy cooking in my warm home.

Thankful day 5 - I am thankful for traditions. My family is dressed in comfy PJs that are new for the holiday and we prepare for our "black friday" tradition. Today we will clean the house to prepare. Tonight we will begin decorating. Every year we put the tree up on this day while watching Miracle on 34th Street. Add eggnog, pizza, and lemon bars and it will be a fun evening indeed.

Every year I love watching Christmas through Bug's eyes. Her belief and generosity amazes me. But this year I also get to watch L experience everything. He was awesome yesterday and loved showing off his movement. I can't wait to see his reaction to the tree and lights. And the weather is perfect. It is in the 40s and I love it.

I really need to upload the photos, the kids were very cute. I even got some cute pics of the cousins together - something I love as I did not have this - not having cousins and all.

Sweetie is out finding breakfast for us now. Our favorite small donut shop is closed so I have no idea what he is coming back with.

On the food front, I have not been counting. A new plan comes out on Sunday and I am excited to see the changes. Sweetie is excited about it too. So I have to admit some, going off plan until the new one comes, lol. I am also venturing out and trying something scary and new. If my shoulder allows, I am going to hot yoga tomorrow. I hope I get to go. It is scary and thinking of hot yoga just makes me thirsty, lol. But a good deal came along and I had to take it. Actually I took two, one to try further into town and one in cedar park. Sweetie hopes it will help with my stress and help me to feel empowered. I will report in and let you know how it goes.

Thankful Day Two

2010-11-23T20:48:00.003-06:00

I am thankful for my health. Regardless of my autoimmune issues - hypo-thyroid and sjogrens - I am healthy.

I am thankful for being healthy.
for the ability to get out of bed in the morning
being able to walk - both for movement and exercise (even if I can't run yet)
the ability to take in a deep breath
most importantly the ability to see and hear my children.

I went in for my routine thyroid testing today. This is a nice reminder of the health that I do have.

MY BOY

2010-11-23T19:12:00.002-06:00

Thankful Day One

2010-11-22T21:00:00.002-06:00

The number one thing that people say they are thankful for is family. I have to agree, I am thankful for my family. But there is more to it.

I am thankful to be as close to my mom as I am. She is one of my best friends and I thank God everyday that I still have her in my life. She treats me like an adult and welcomes my opinions.
I am thankful for husband. Sweetie may not be perfect, but he never stops trying to improve and treat me like a princess. Truth be told, he does more housework and cooking than I do. He supports me, encourages me, loves me, and makes me laugh. Every day he makes me laugh.
I am thankful for my kids. I know those who cannot have kids and understand how blessed I am. I love that my Bug makes me laugh and we can be silly together. I love that L is all boy and has an innocent invincible quality that I cannot get enough of. And they both are snugglers, damn I love that.
I am thankful for my in-laws. They are more like family than in-laws. They love me in good and bad. When I am being narrow minded and bitchy they don't disown me. I look forward to new traditions with them - including going shopping on Black Friday.
I am thankful for my Brother - we may be separated by distance, but I still love him deeply and look forward to when we can sit and chat once again.

This Thanksgiving week begins with just that, family. Time for some snuggles and going to bed early as my shoulder is hurting and I have already taken some meds :-) Night Night All!

life is good

2010-11-21T20:16:00.000-06:00

The below was written on Thursday night but never posted - funny how chasing two kids can distract you from finishing a thought.

******************************************
I am happy. Sitting with my babies while drinking mint hot chocolate. Even the massive amount of soreness that I am feeling from my workout yesterday is ok.

I have lunch with Bug tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Gonna be a wonderful time.
And a big family weekend planned for this weekend.

Oh and I have to brag. Sweetie set up my car to have its oil changed. He set it up at 7:00am. Yikes. But he took care of it all. After going to sleep last night, he cleaned the car which also involved hiding what I bought for the kids so far. Then this morning he work up early to take the car in. When he came to kiss me good night he said "the boy is sorted" - this is code for ready. He cleaned and made all L's bottles and took the trash out.
******************************************
Ok back to the current, lol. We came home from our family weekend today. It was really a good time. Yes, it was cold on Friday, but we survived. Makes me think if we moved to a colder climate that we might do well :-) We used the tent I got Sweetie for father's day and it was very nice. And the first night was the only one that was really cold. But we doubled up L's clothes and he was awesome. The Ren Fair was a lot of fun and the time with the family greatly appreciated. My only complaint, the quiet family area for camping is away from the bon fire and such - yay - but it is next to the train track. The train would do the horn all the way past and 4-5 times a night. OMG it was loud. Next year give me the stupid drunks all night - better than being startled awake by the train. Today on the way back we took a detour to Huntsville so Sweetie could make a spot of the prison. Yes, it sounds odd, but we were fairly close and it is something that makes him happy. The drive was beautiful and the kids were awesome. L was in an extra sleepy mood as he has his third tooth coming in. Now for an extra early night as we all are exhausted. But it was worth it.

I am so excited about the Thanksgiving week. I love this time of year, family, friends, and food. I have so much to be thankful for. This weekend was a wonderful reminder.

in a blink of an eye

2010-11-16T21:30:00.002-06:00

everything can change. My world is in a state of change indeed. Nothing too serious, nothing related to Sweetie or the kids. This is regarding my work. Time to watch and see what happens. I am focusing on being positive and optimistic about everything. Time to focus on all the good things. This is the time to be my sunshine self. I had a girls' night out with BestFriend tonight and we got our toes done and had dinner, it was awesome. She helped me to refocus and discuss what I need to do.

But in the meantime, there is something else that I need to focus on - CHRISTMAS!!!!

You see, as I told Bug, Mom and I will be having lunch with Santa tomorrow. Yep, time for our annual shopping trip. I cannot wait. Buying for two kids is going to be awesome. It won't be a big Christmas, but I am focusing on the memories - the lights, crafts, baking, singing, and Christmas specials. And as I told Sweetie, sorry you are not invited, heehee.

Now I must figure out what to get Sweetie. Every year I have gotten him something big and surprised him. This year is proving to be a little harder. Hopefully something will jump out - somehow the whole "I gave you a son 8 months ago" isn't going to work, lol.

Now off to bed - must get my shopping sleep on :-)

Catch up time

2010-11-11T13:11:00.001-06:00

So much has been going on. Last week began my B-day celebration. Wednesday night Sweetie took me to see Sarah McLachlan at the Austin Music Hall. It was awesome, fantastic, beautiful, inspiring. I left feeling better - having been home from work the two days before with Strep. My soul was reset and my mind refocused. The venue was perfect and intimate, but don't get me started on the seating issue we had, it all worked out so I am not focusing on that. I adore that Sweetie and I do things like this. Unfortunately, it was a work night so we didn't have a chance to do anything other than the concert itself.

Then on Friday I took my mom to see Rent at the Zachary Scott theater. We loved the movie but never got a chance to see the play. It was jaw dropping awesome. We had the first row so the actors were right in front of us as they used the stage as well as the floor in front of the stage. They collected funds at the end for AIDS services of Austin. This was very smart as we gave deeply after seeing such a performance. I love seeing live performances. I appreciate the talent and the guts to do it in front of everyone.

Tomorrow is my actual birthday. I love birthdays and I am excited to turn 34. The only problem is that I have a horrible time asking for presents. There truly isn't much that I want. Well, within a reasonable range for a b-day gift. All I truly want is time with people that I love.

I am already in the holiday spirit. It came early for me this year. I don't know if it is because of L, my self confidence, or simply because. But I love it. Last night Bug and I got her hair cut and wandered into Hallmark to get some Christmasy things. We can't start singing or decorating yet. Bug knows that the holiday season begins after my b-day. So I assume on Saturday she is going to have us all festive singing carols and decorating.

Now this is not going to distract me from my weight loss efforts. I am down 35 pounds and really hitting the point where everyone is noticing. I won the weight loss challenge at work - cha ching. I started another challenge here, to not gain weight over the season. I know I can do this. My whole focus with this new lifestyle is to not deprive myself, I say this as I am eating a frosty :-), but to only indulge with things I truly love. Tomorrow night we are going to Outback. I don't plan to be perfect for my b-day, but I didn't want to ruin anything either, so I started looking up the points. Man oh man those are high. I would eat the half ribs with a sweet potato - that is 34 points, I only get 21 a day.

My favorite thing about the loss, underwear. I have many sizes of underwear. When I was heavier I would be behind on the laundry and grab a pair out of the lower regions of my drawer - they would be too small - crap. Well, last week I put a pair on and started getting ready for work. I looked down and thought "wait what size are these, I haven't worn them in some time". Sure enough they were the smaller size in my drawer that would depress me only 4 months before. I am also having this discovery with my bras. Only it isn't only the band that is smaller, poor Sweetie I always lose in the boob first, lol.

I have to admit though, people noticing the loss is really keeping me good. It feels really good for a coworker who hasn't seen me in a month to say "wow, you have been doing good, look at the loss in your face". I know that I am getting closer every day to being the healthy mom that I want to be. And since I am not losing fast, I know that my chances of keeping it off are greatly increased.

2010-10-29T22:33:00.002-05:00

even I stumble
I fall hard and hurt like hell
how do I focus?

doubt abilities
things I want to do must wait
must dig deeper now

much disappointment
must pick myself off the ground
I must try again

Taking a break

2010-10-26T23:31:00.002-05:00

Just a quick drop in -

I have been crazy busy studying
L is now pulling up to standing and letting go without falling right away - yikes
Bug is awesome as awesome sauce - she still amazes me daily
She and I have a girls' day planned for after my test
Sweetie has been AMAZING - he is the best husband ever, he supports me, makes me laugh, and dreams with me
After my test, I have a "to-do" list that is a mile long
Can't think about that now
Before my test on Friday I am going to my school to finish my last minute studies and to ground me - I figure the place where I did my best is the perfect location
I have my work weigh in on Thursday since I won't be at work Friday
Looks like I am not paying once again - down 34.2 since after L - woot
I am back to the weight I was when I joined the at work weight watchers Nov 2007
Now it is nearly 12 and I must get to bed - night night

2010-10-11T16:28:00.002-05:00

When you arrive at a cliff, look across and see a beautiful landscape, do you walk all the way around safely or do you gather quickly what you can to make a glider, run, close your eyes, and jump?

Nothing in particular, just an urge.

smiles

2010-10-10T12:24:00.002-05:00

I am having the best weekend. I completed the first race since Thanksgiving 2008. And I am happy to say that I did awesome. L was great and never made a noise, and I was able to cross the finish with Bug and Sweetie. I know a 5k isn't a big race, but it was a big one to me. It proved to me that I can do it, that I am back in the game.

And with my weight, everyone seems to have noticed it this week. It makes me smile and want to keep going. That is why I ate a healthy brunch after the race, and why I chose fruit while studying this morning at Starbucks.

Now off to finish my weekend with my family.

Put your hand up

2010-10-05T19:54:00.002-05:00

Come on everybody, everybody clap their hands..
Can you give me a M-I-S-S-Y, alright now, Can you give me a R-U-L-E-S
That's right, that's right, everybody clap your hands

Hee hee - Sorry, but I am not one to toot my own horn, so this is where I do it.

Yesterday, when I weighed in I hit my mini goal of 30 pounds - 30.2 actually :-) This makes me so happy - only 2 pounds left for the work 10 pound challenge. Next goal - to weigh what I did at SIL's wedding in Jul '07. This one isn't far as I am only 1 pound away. I picked goals that I could relate to and strive for ex. weight at graduation, weight starting HES, so on and so forth. Some are closer together than others, but it works for me.

And true to form, have me see good results and I stray. I had icecream last night, high lunch today - but I made sure to count it all - not going to stop now. And honestly, when I entered everything into the computer, I felt in control again.

I need to update my sidebar with my new weight goals - currently I am 13 weeks and 9 pounds away from my anniversary goal.

all around me

2010-10-02T21:10:00.004-05:00

Last night was a date night for Sweetie and me. We went to a free showing of Social Network by Gowalla. It was fun. While this is not my first Gowalla event, it is the first one since I joined as a user. And this event was the first time that my alias was mentioned. Sweetie made sure those he knew knew my name on the game. Before the movie, we went with a friend to have a drink. It was a lot of fun and I felt like I was doing an adult event, lol. And yes, I tracked every point. This has been a high week, Boca de Beppo on Thursday and Alamo Drafthouse on Friday - but I did awesome. It wasn't until today and I ordered a hamburger at sonic that I went over. Damn 13 point burger. Somehow in my brain it was going to be 6 or 7. It is all good, no worries.

Today was busy and laid back at the same time. Sweetie had a 5k this morning with BestFriend. We then had a b-day party for a friend from Bug's old school. While I adore our new school, I miss our little group. I need to make sure we all get together more often, for the girls and for the moms. We then had a soccer game. It was a good match and a beautiful day. L was awesome and played on a blanket with me while looking cute, not too hard at all.

It is funny, I have been blogging for six years now. Sometimes often, sometimes not so often, but always has been the same blog. Even though in this time friends have come and gone who know this address, I have not changed it. I really don't care what they think, I have nothing to hide. However, it is always a little odd for me when a friend/relative says "I read your blog". Yes, I put it all out here for the whole world to read, but in my mind no-one does. H told me today that I look good and complimented the weight loss. She then told me she reads my blog. *Hello H hope I am not boring you too much* And regardless of who it is that says this, even BestFriend, I instantly start thinking "what have I written lately, should I be embarrassed?" The answer is always no as I don't write anything that would truly embarrass me. I think the main thing is I don't consider myself interesting enough to have anyone want to read what I have to say. I am not as gifted as Katie (if you are looking for a fun blog to read, this is a great one), I just write for myself.

OK back to the your regularly scheduled programming. I should be studying. I will. But man it is amazing what I feel motivated to do while procrastinating studying, I want to clean out the pantry, sort laundry, clean out closets. So I was thinking today - why is this? I know this stuff for the most part, I just need a crash course in some of the formulas and definitions. But what if I don't pass? This is the second time to take this test. And failing the first time - regardless of the technical difficulties that occurred that threw me off my game, it was still seeing those words at the end of the test "FAIL". I want this certification so badly. I am at a place where I feel that I need to pass. OK enough of this, I have seen the lovely words "PASS" on the first test and I can do it again.

Now I am off to do a mock exam.

no holding me back

2010-09-24T22:42:00.003-05:00

I am so pumped. Yesterday I actually walked before work - I did the last day of the week 2 interval training program we are doing. Tonight I did the first of week 3. Sweetie is so far ahead of me on week 11 now. But I feel good. As life as Missy goes, I have a detailed spreadsheet on my training. Keeping my goal in mind and having a "training plan" has me more dedicated. I have six months, way more than enough time. I know that I have successfully trained for two half marathons in that time frame. However, this time I want to focus on my speed, I have always been slow - I blame it on the short legs. So I will be doing the intervals during the week and then a long walk on the weekend, much like my TNT training. That with a few 5ks and I will be prepared, yay!! I also need to get L used to the stroller and riding for several miles. Tomorrow will be the first attempt at this with three miles. I know he will do great. I bought T shirts for the kids for the Pink Heals race - so they will be there showing off their daddy's logo.

So the focus: family, study, walk, family, study, walk, family, study, walk - wash, rinse, repeat

flexibilty

2010-09-21T20:11:00.003-05:00

Being an adult is about being flexible. Working around kids, friends, work and family schedules. Sometimes this involves plans, plan b's, plan g's. So I am working on keeping going on my weight loss without obsessing. Controlling what I can but not obsessing about what I cannot. There will be days that I cannot workout (like all of last week), days that I want chocolate (like today), and days that I do everything right and don't lose due to my thyroid. So I am revamping my goals officially.

My goal for 13th anniversary is to weigh less than on our 10th anniversary vacation. My goal for L's 1st b-day is to weigh at least what I did for Bug's 1st b-day. The goal of the 10k has not changed. I have a few races that I plan to do before my main focus.

Ok just wanted to update now back to my other goal, my guest - time for studies.

how things change

2010-09-18T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those days that showed how things have changed. We enjoyed a lazy morning watching Disney and Lucas and snuggled for a nice little nap. There was a time when we watched the news but that has changed. Then the excitement started with the search for a pillow pet. Three of her classmates have them, and as there are only 8 in her class (including her), we needed to get one to fit in. Our Target did not have the one she wanted so we tried another one today. We had the best time looking through the store, making notes for Christmas for the kids, planning on how we are handling two and keeping things "even". And while we did not find the pillow pet she wanted, it will be ordered tomorrow, we were able to get everything else on the list that Bug kept us to. The most routine task of purchasing diapers and formula was the kind of fun outing I hope Bug will remember. A wonderful lunch followed where L was crazy attacking his rat and sucking on cantaloupe. Bug even ate really well and earned her ice cream.

Browsing Michael's added more planning for the holiday season as well as L's 1st b-day. While at Michael's I had an older woman come over to admire L, I am very used to this as he is quite adorable :-) She commented on how cute both kids were and said I had a beautiful family. This is one of those rare moments where I actually felt my age. I felt like an adult with two kids, I know that sounds silly. But talking to this woman who spoke to me as an adult and not like I am a kid who needed advice made me proud. She told me she was 82 (which is totally awesome) and said her 51 year old has a 17 and 19 year old who just moved in with her. All she said was it was a time of transition. But like any good grandma, she said no matter what kind of transition there was, she was there for them. That made me smile. Now she also made the comment that she was shopping alone to get some time away from them, and that made me chuckle.

After a quick visit with friends and dinner at the mall, requested by Bug of course, I made my request for the evening. I wanted a bubble bath without kids, with my ipod and a glass of wine. As soon as we got home Sweetie started prepping everything. It started out as I planned, with my new favorite wine, vanilla bubble bath, and my music. Then Bug came in to check on me. Man I love that kid, but I wanted some me time. I convinced her to come back later. In 5 seconds she asked. Sure I agreed to this as she is speaking with a lot of numbers and time frames that she doesn't fully understand. But not this time, this time she came back in actually 5 seconds, lol. I gave in and let her join me. While this was not the plan, it turned into an awesome time. I enjoyed a lovely spa treatment of her washing my hair and scrubbing my back. I hugged her tight and we were quite silly with the word mango.

Sweetie didn't realize she had gotten into the tub with me as he was tending to a L. He was so apologetic and promised me that tomorrow I will get my alone bath. I need to tell him that it turned out what I really needed was girl time. It has been six years since we conceived this gift from heaven. She is so amazing and in tune with me. There is a reason for this as she is so much like me. And yes, this leads to conflict at times. We have to have something offset the good, right? But overall she knows when I need a hug or an 'I love you'. And she knew I needed my hair washed and silly talk.

Sweetie is now at Alamo Drafthouse enjoying a boy movie with my Brother. After he left, I did Bug's nails, we watched a little TV, and now all three of us are on the big couch falling asleep waiting for Daddy to return.

That is my exciting big Saturday. And I wouldn't change one thing about it.

TGIF

2010-09-17T19:53:00.002-05:00

This week has been crazy. But this time crazy good. This week has also had me "off". I have not exercised since Sunday. I have still been good with my eating, but I need to move my body. This weekend is studying, cleaning, studying, exercising, and studying. Six weeks until my test, this is go time. I can do it, I can pass this so I can begin the holiday season feeling accomplished.

Bug is back in soccer, not sure I mentioned it. This is her third season. Mia Hamm she is not. But right now this is about fun, hanging out with cool people, and moving her body. I am so happy with this organization. She is with the same coach. He is awesome and very positive. Plus everyone I have met through this adventure has been awesome, I am looking forward to these relationships growing.

Things have been so busy, I have been missing my friends and family. Luckily everyone understands, or I hope they do. In six weeks I hope to be more available. I also hope to be more caught up at work.

I just have to give props to Sweetie. He has always been so supportive of my studies. He is kicking me out of the house this weekend so I can study. I truly appreciate his help, support, and awesomeness.

In other news, another two weeks until I test my thyroid again - I guess I am all about the tests these days. I know I am still off, my focus is off and hair still coming out. I just want it regulated so I can lose this weight a little faster. I am already altering my 13th anniversary goal, hoping for my original but with a more realistic version in my head so I don't get disappointed.

Now I have to figure out what to do for this anniversary. I like the number 13 and it seems like a cool anniversary. However, since Sweetie's awesome planning of our 10th and taking me on the best vacation ever, he said he is not planning this one, lol. He also said he wouldn't go to a haunted hotel. Doesn't it seem fitting to do something like that for 13th? But no, the restrictions are no ghosts. The nice thing is our anniversary falls on a Monday. We are planning on taking it off and enjoying a long weekend. I know that whatever we do will be awesome, as long as we are together.

happy

2010-09-14T19:40:00.002-05:00

Today was a great day. I was very busy. Busy when it is something I like is good. I have been creating new procedures, documenting, and making progress - that makes me happy.

I am also motivated. I have to study - this is a given. But I have a lot to look forward to and work for. Oct 28th, I weigh in at work for the 10lb challenge, Oct 29th my test, Oct 31st Halloween, Nov 3rd Sarah McLachlan. WOO HOO!!!!! Now I have to get my butt in gear. I have some goals, some lofty and some realistic. Passing is not the lofty one. I have to pass. I am at a point where I need to show that I am progressing.

My family simply amazes me on a daily basis. The interaction with Bug and L, watching Bug learn in kinder, watching L all but crawl (he gets across a room but technically is not crawling), feeling the warmth when I get home from my husband, and feeling like I am doing good with me - makes me smile. I am so very thankful and appreciative of what I have.

Now back to work, I got a lot to do :-)

on the verge

2010-09-09T16:34:00.002-05:00

of something. Not sure what. I want to workout and walk right now. Not odd normally, but it is a feeling I have to my core, movement, escape. I want to make my body move and feel the soreness from a good workout. I feel on the verge of an emotional outbreak, crying or screaming, laughing or singing, I am not sure which.

No, this is not a pity party post. It is more of an observation for me to look back later once this passes over. Maybe it has to do with Mercury - I don't know. That should be better on the 12th.

My normal quiet work environment has me listening to music, and Sarah at that. This could be good or bad. Sarah has helped me through so much. I can tell you what emotional hell I was going through with each album. This is something I crave when I need to work through something - not always bad. At work lately if I listen to anything it has been Venus Hum, Coco, or something else mood lifting and silly.

It is probably the crazy amount of rain we have had combined with needing to study/work and wanting to feel in control of something - SHHH universe you did not hear me, I am not trying to control, I just want the illusion of control. I think that is why I am doing good with my diet and exercise - please note I did not say losing weight, I know that is out of my power - but the actions are mine and I own them.

weight loss update

2010-09-07T20:07:00.001-05:00

I have now lost 26 pounds, YAY! I weighed in yesterday and was quite happy with my loss, exercising seems to work :-)

It's all about me

2010-09-05T16:09:00.006-05:00

Well, that is the joke anyway. That everything in the world really is about me. It is funny as I really do not feel this way. But in one sense I do think that people come into my life for a reason.

There was a reason I responded to the Team in Training flyer in 2003. I discovered an amazing organization. Because of this, I had the wonderful opportunity to work in my dream job for 7 fun months. Unfortunately, the bills piled on and student loan payments started, I simply could not stay at the non-profit level. I left feeling very strongly about the programs that LLS provides. And at a very hard time in my life I found Deb's blog. I sat in the LLS office reading her story, in tears, having it hit closer to home due to her cancer. She gave me hope, she reminded me that not all parents get to tuck their children into their beds every night. She gave me another outlook on my own issues. When she passed away, it hurt. I had only met her once while chatting other times. I was so moved we even went to her funeral. This was very out of the norm of my introvert personality. I will forever remember Deb.

"Remember to cross your bridges and NOT take a single breath for granted." I read this today on another friend's blog who has had another huge impact. She fights cystic fibrosis, and she is quite a fighter. She was a friend of Sweetie's dad and I am always reminded of him when I think of her. She knew us when we were young and stupid, and somehow still likes us, lol. Unfortunately, due to her illness we have not seen her in a long time. I now have two germ factories with me and the bottom line is my fear of getting her sick - that would break my heart. Luckily, there is blogging and facebook. Her positive attitude and constant fight reminds me to never take health for granted, to never take a breath for granted. I send her all my prayers and positive energy to continue the fight.

The other huge impact is BestFriend. She came along at a time when my "friend" was very negative. She taught me a friend can be your biggest fan. She reminded me to not take my marriage for granted, that a pink wig in Starbucks can make the best day, and silly is something needed on most days. She also taught me to never take my fertility or children for granted. And because of her, I don't. I can honestly say that I take time each day to thank God for my family. I look forward to many more lessons from her, as I am not letting her get away any time soon. We have a contract, after all.

Now I do not believe these people exist because of me and my issues. No, but I do believe they are in my life to teach me lessons and to sharpen my focus. The same is with the ones who were negative, they taught their own lessons, to appreciate what I have, to lighten up, and that I cannot control everything in this world. A younger version of me tried, and failed. That is something huge that has changed in the last 6 years. I have let go of a lot, tried to stress less, and to surround myself with those who amaze me. Johnson & Johnson is correct, a baby changes everything. That is something I take pride in, the fact that I can see how I have changed and matured over the years. Every event, situation and person had an impact.

It is funny, right now my focus is on weight loss, but it is for health, not to get into my size 2 shorts again. Before, I would get obsessed with focus on the end, anything less was failure. And sure enough this failed. I was dealt hands that, once again, were not in my control. My thyroid broke and I gained 30 pounds in less than a year - and didn't even lose while training for a half marathon. Then I finally lose weight after Bug only to find out it is because my thyroid went the other way and the medicine would cause weight gain, hello 30 pounds back. Then my meds were the wrong dosage and hello another 30 pounds. This put me in a place where I had 76 pounds to lose (only 53 left now). This made me "hit bottom" and change my mindset. This time I have many mini goals and rewards along the way and I am trying to live my life and not try to lose as fast as I can. This is the first time that my priorities are truly, losing it for me, losing it for my health, losing it for my family. Luckily, Sweetie is so awesome and has been watching the kids at a moments notice if I want to work out. This helps in the feeling selfish and mom guilt departments. This is just one of the ways that I can see myself change. I can truly appreciate it.

If there has been a couple of repeated lessons given to me over the years, one is about control. I do not have it. I never will. And trying to claim it only brings negative karma to me. I hope the universe understands that I have learned this lesson and do not need a repeat. The other is to appreciate what you have and not take anything for granted. This one, the universe can keep teaching me as wonderful people have come into my life with these lessons. This brings me to one of my favorite quotes; "Bloom where you are planted."...Mary Engelbreit. This is something I am truly focusing on, and have been for awhile, to appreciate what I have and to try and thrive in making it the absolute best I can.

Sorry for this being so long, I simply had a lot on my mind. Thank you for letting me get it out :-)

Gaining focus

2010-09-03T21:15:00.002-05:00

With each day I am feeling more in control, more aware, and healthier. I am finishing my 7th week of tracking everything without depriving myself. This makes me feel like I truly am making lifestyle changes. I currently weigh less than I did in Jan 2009. I am focused on my real goal - to walk the Capital 10k in under 90 minutes and be within a healthy weight range for L's 1st b-day. When I declare my victory I will be where I was in 1998. But for now, one step at a time. Next goal - 30 pound loss. I know my weight loss posts are boring, but they are good for me.

Now I get to start a three day weekend. YAY! This weekend I am studying, working out, cleaning, organizing, playing with family, and most likely going into work for a few hours. That and a romantic evening with Sweetie one night. Hard to get out for a date night, so I am going to set up a romantic evening at home after the kids go to sleep. Wine, movie, games. Of course it is going to require us to stay awake, lol.

Bliss

2010-09-02T22:39:00.002-05:00

Hard day at work - nothing bad just fixing things and having more to do. Came home and worked out for 1.5 hours. That helped a ton, we will see if I can move tomorrow - did way too many planks. I took a great shower - yes the shower again, but with kids being able to shower at my pace is wonderful. I came out to not only Sweetie have taken care of kids through my workout and shower but he also made a great dinner from scratch, salmon with tomato basil couscous. It was delish!!! I enjoyed a glass of wine and still have 4 points left for today without even getting into my weekly points or the 6.5 activity points I earned today. Yes, I am spoiled and I know it. Now I sit with my boy asleep on my chest. Nights like this remind me how lucky I am to have this wonderful family. I can face tomorrow with more focus now.

Big week

2010-08-25T21:51:00.004-05:00

This is a big week. Bug started Kindergarten on Monday. She is so awesome. Her class has 8 kids in it. I think she is going to thrive in the private environment and then kick butt in public next year. Then there is tomorrow, it will be Bug's first trip to the dentist - yay.

Yesterday, I got to see the logo Sweetie has been working on. He has officially designed a logo for a 5k. I am beyond proud of him. As wearing a run shirt isn't out of the norm for me, I will have to make sure to put a "my husband designed this shirt" sticky on me :-) Wanna see it?

It makes me so happy. Now don't go and tell him that, we don't need him to get a big head. I am trucking along at work, and pulling my normal no eating, drinking, or socializing. This is not good. I must get up, get water, eat food, take breaks. I know it sounds simple. But it is so easy to get caught up in what I do and think "right after I finish this I will get lunch..Oh that wasn't bad, after I finish this next thing I will get lunch...oh fire to put out....where was I oh yes working on another project....wait it is 3, why haven't I eaten".

On the studying front I have just over 2 months to prepare. I think that is the time frame of my real focus when I passed the first section. It is just a matter of getting everything in in a day. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

My boy is getting so big and awesome. He is truly a happy baby. Yes, he can complain and complain as he goes to sleep. But really, he is quite easy. Now he isn't sleeping through the night, but Bug didn't either until after a year, so why should I be surprised? It is just so neat to watch my recessive gene boy get a personality. Recessive you ask? So far it looks like he is going to be red headed, blue eyed, and perhaps left handed. Now all of this might change tomorrow - but right now it cracks me up and think he can do anything.

Well internet, I need to get back to studying. I just had to share some of the happenings of my household :-) Now off to study stocks, working capital, management, and marketing.

It's my Friday and I'll smile if I want to

2010-08-19T15:07:00.002-05:00

Today is my Friday. Tomorrow, Bug and L's school is closed for a teacher workday. This works out well for me as Bug starts Kinder on Monday. WOW! How did she get so big? We are having a family day/weekend. Tomorrow is "anything Bug wants" day. I told her we will go where she wants, do what she wants, and eat what she wants. I hope it is as awesome as it sounds. We have been having some issues with her. I know it is due to all the changes and being five. Last night she was having a fit and Sweetie went in to talk to her. They both fell asleep. This was at 6:30. I let them sleep for an hour and then L and I went in to check on them, still passed out. I decided they both needed it and L and I hung out. Actually he took a nap too but then woke up to entertain me with the new sound he found. He is such a happy and silly boy. Well, I expected Bug to wake around 8 and then be up until 11 or later. Nope. Neither woke up until Morning. They both got 12 hours of sleep. I guess they needed it. Bug woke hungry and in the best mood. I have to admit I am a bit jealous as I only got 3.5 hours at a stretch last night.

Things at work are going. I am hoping we are coming to the end. I am really done with it. Plus I REALLY need to get on to studying. Oh and cleaning the house, organizing photos, exercising, play with the kids, date nights with Sweetie, sleeping, and....... Yep that is how my brain works, think of one thing and it leads to others and others. Though I have to admit with me working so much and being in so many meetings, Sweetie has missed me. I come back to my desk to find voicemails that consist of him saying he loves me or he misses me.

With my weight loss I have lost over 20 pounds now. I am very happy - but want more. I will be jumping for joy when I lose another 26.2. I won't be done, but I will be much closer.

crawling in

2010-08-14T14:30:00.002-05:00

I have been stressed, I have been quiet and I have not been socializing how I need to. I also know I am not yet ready to come out of my hole. I hope my friends ans family will be patient. In the meantime, I need to focus on work, studying, and housework.

Inhale and EXHALE

2010-08-12T19:56:00.002-05:00

My last week has been hectic to say the least. Working long hours, throughout the weekend, and logging in at night. It has been hectic. I think we finally made some head room tonight - yay. I also finally got away from the office for my thyroid test. I knew it was off and I was right. My synthroid is too low. This is another factor is why my weight loss has been slow - that and stress. But it doesn't matter, I am not going off due to the weight not coming off as fast as I would like, or stress, or emotions. Not saying I am perfect, I am simply going to do everything in my power to keep up this motivation. Sweetie is helping more than he will ever know. His tracking of what he eats has made it something we are doing together. His runs have been awesome and very inspiring to me.

Next week is the last week of summer. Bug starts kindergarten on the 23rd. I am so excited. Since she is going to private school I am not a nervous wreck. I already know the school and teachers, that helps a lot. Now talk to me next year and I will be a mess, lol.

OK off to log into the system and get to the end of this whole reconciliation. I want to start 2010.

cheers

2010-08-06T22:39:00.003-05:00

My party lifestyle is out of control. Friday night, sitting in L's room while he plays in his crib instead of sleeping. I am blogging while Bug sits on the bed working on her number books "preparing for kindergarten". Sweetie is in the living room checking on some spots while Phineas and Ferb plays in the background. We are very crazy. I am celebrating the day with some Baileys. So what to celebrate?

First, today was the work weigh in. I am happy to report that I did not have to pay. I even made 115 in the process. After weigh in I decided I wanted to celebrate. I was going to allow myself something indulgent. I thought long and hard about what I wanted. My spurge? The chicken pecan apple salad from Wendys. I love this salad. It isn't low in points but is much "healthier" than a burger and it was what I really wanted. I made sure to track each point still, even though I was celebrating. I still have my b-day goal in mind. We finished the day at Red Robin (yum). Best Friend and her crew had dinner with us to celebrate Sweetie's b-day. I had, once again, what I really wanted - a veggie burger with melon. Yes, it was a high day. But I feel in control as I tracked everything and had it in my weekly allowance.

So the money at work was found. Please know this is not real money missing but rather money on a recon. I found it last night while working until 9. I was happy - not ecstatic. I knew there would be a battle. I had my proof of what was off, system changes caused it, and now we have to deal with what to do with it. 2010 will be SO MUCH cleaner. I just want to get done with 2009 so I can move on. Hopefully after working this weekend I will be able to report that I am done and all that is left is the audit. Since the auditor arrives on Monday, this better be the case.

So I am celebrating, I can prove that I can lose weight, I finished part of a recon I have been working on for weeks (and feel good about how I completed it). I got to see BestFriend and that always makes me smile. Now for a weekend filled with walking, cleaning, studying, finishing this damn rec, and family time. We get to celebrate Sweetie one more time for his b-day tomorrow. We always do b-days up big around here and they last and last :-) Speaking of which, I need to look up points.

Now my baileys is done, L is sleeping, and Bug finished another part in her workbook. It is time for sleep as walking will come early. Here's to another inspiring, insightful, and relaxing weekend.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!!!

2010-08-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. You are the one who completes me, understands me, and supports me. I love being a parent with you, you are an amazing father. I love you so very much!! Here's to many more years and adventures.

slams head into wall

2010-08-03T18:48:00.003-05:00

Today is one of those days. I have been working WEEKS on a reconciliation, which normally I love, but this is painful. Yes my previous posts have been positive and insightful. Not today. I am tired, my back and neck hurt, my eyes are bothering me. I am resisting overeating due to the weigh in. I need to get my thyroid rechecked, it is time again, but I cannot get away from work to do it. I am tired of my hair falling out. Blah

But I am thankful for a husband that is so involved that he picks up the kids and watches them alone so I can work late. And before you think I am not really working, I am running reports and waiting on the outcome, which I know will have changed somehow, so I will be back to square one.

Another good thing is that normally when I work like this I don't drink my water or even eat my lunch, and my cube is next to the break room so that is bad. Today I got in all my water, my lunch, and a snack. Oh I better count that piece of chocolate I had.

I also need to walk tonight but it might not happen. Other than stress and the knot in my middle shoulder area, I am feeling good. I just need to vent. I get so frustrated when I can't figure out a problem.

Perhaps I simply need a nice massage from Sweetie tonight.

Two weeks into me

2010-08-01T23:05:00.003-05:00

I am happy to say that I have followed WW for two weeks. I have been counting points, exercising (ok only three times, but still), and thinking about what I need to fuel me. I have not given up eating out, though we do need to eat at home more, and I have not felt deprived - yet..and I will cope when that comes. So why the change? The challenge at work has helped motivate me, I do not want to pay the money. But also I hit a point where I got so sick of it, that I have to take care of it. Does that make sense? So I decided on the 26 in 16 plan. And Sweetie was so supportive that he started tracking his too. We both are doing the same workout plan, though he is way ahead of me and actually runs while I walk, but it is still something we are both doing. He only has 10 pounds to lose, but I hope this support continues even after he hits his goal. He wants to run a half if not a full marathon in 2011. I know he can do it. If I can complete a half so can he.

The other change is really thinking about the health risks with my weight. How I see myself, even in the mirror is not accurate. It isn't until I see a photo or catch a glimpse of myself when I am not looking that I realize the truth. And the truth is that I need to be healthier. And while I have been dancing with the idea of getting back on the wagon with WW, I kept having this voice in my head saying "I will do it, but I will do xxx instead because I know better". Uhm....yeah. I know I lost before my wedding and that the program works. But obviously I need some help as it didn't help me through emotional hard times, working while going to school, and health issues. And while others who love me will argue, the truth is that I am considered type 2 obese. There are only 3 types, and type 3 is morbid. This is a medical issue. And with my thyroid being the way it is and making weight loss hard, as well as so many other things, I have to be better. I am lucky, my cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar are great. But I can't rely on that. If I were diabetic, I would change my lifestyle and treat the disease. Obesity is a disease. While it is different, it is still a medical situation. I needed to treat it as such.

My other battle is body image. When I got married I was 117 pounds. I looked great. I worse a size 3. But I saw myself as fat. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and bitch slap that version of me. I know that I need to work on me as well. And that is a big reason why I am not doing a crash diet, weight loss surgery (luckily I don't qualify), or anything else drastic. I need this to take some time. I need to feel each stage of my body changing. I need to feel stronger and healthier.

When I walk, I walk alone. When I did Team in Training, I had a team and walked with them one day a week. That was fun. However, my training walks, less a few that Sweetie would walk with me, were alone. When I walked the 18 miles, I did it alone, and without music. Many have offered to walk with me. I appreciate the gesture, but know that my walking is therapy. Yesterday on my walk I went through a lot of internal stuff. (Yes more inside me talk, but is is my little part of the internet)

Over the years I have had several blows, situations, and stresses that took their toll. I like to say that I am better. And while I am, I am not 100% yet. I know I will get there as long as I keep looking inward. My point is it truly hit me how the events in my life have had an impact on how I see myself. How I do not see myself as an attractive, fun loving woman. I see myself as a wife, a mother, an employee. I do not see me. My clothing has been to cover me, but not to make me feel cute. My hair is the same way. I know I like to have my sunshine face on, and it isn't a facade, just more like just not the whole story. I feel like a prisoner in my body. And in turn this has also come through in the disorganization of my home. How I got to this point is not important. The important thing is to refind me. To take back control.

Now I am not talking about leaving my family to live in a village or anything. I just need to work on me. I need to make a conscious effort to do things for me, even if it is something silly like taking a walk or study. It was a true ah ha moment. If it were a cheesy girl chick flick, you would see me walking and then a montage of my past. I then would realize what I needed to do, and instantly feel sexy and cute and run to the airport to tell the man I love not to leave or some other blah blah blah. Well, while I love a good romantic comedy, that is not my life. Instead it is more like the montage went off in my head and I felt honestly like someone took a blow to me. I don't have to go and find my love, I have him here. Sweetie knew something was wrong and I couldn't quite put it into words. Part of me felt like things that I have worked through and dealt with were coming back. But then I realized that was not the case. Rather, it was the next step. It was like in the half marathon when I was walking for hours and felt so tired and salty and I could see the end. I wasn't done with the work, but I could see the finish. All my hard work was paying off. That is where I am, not at the end, but I can see it, I know it is there, I just have this last hurdle to overcome.

This weight loss kick, exercise, and studying again, all goes hand in hand. It all goes to help me. Yes, it will help my family but only on a secondary level. I am sure none of this makes sense. But it is good for me to write about it. This moment that I write about, it was kind of scary for me. I feared that I was going to enter a deep depression, like that of '06. I wasn't sure I could fight it if it took hold. If you have never dealt with depression, you do not know of the monster that it is and how it is much like an alter ego in some respects that takes over. I took it in, almost waiting to be pulled down. But it didn't happen. Instead I kept swimming. When I realized it was a moment of motivation, of realization, and showing me the next step, I began to exhale. I like me. I love my family. I am worth all of it. And you know what? I can fight it. My thyroid is acting like it did after Bug. But I REFUSE to let the weight come back if I have to go back on the horrible meds or any other treatment. I know that for me to be healthy I may have to track my points, exercise, and watch my choices forever.

I have a family that supports me. What more could I ask for? I will continue to write about my journey. I am sure it will be boring, but I hope to gain so much insight from simply writing my feelings. I will continue my walking, my therapy time.

I have tracked my points with Sweetie for 2 weeks. I have exercised and posted it even on my fb and twitter as motivation. I have a study plan in place. And I shined my sink tonight. This is a journey, not sure exactly how it is going to go, but I know the destination. And I know that I will get there. I am going to break free from these prisons. I am going to be a complete me again.

My weigh in at work is on Friday. I will post the outcome :-)

24.8 in 15

2010-07-26T20:00:00.001-05:00

I lost 1.2 - yay!

Signs

2010-07-25T00:06:00.003-05:00

There have been many times in my life where I knew something was about to happen before it did or the universe/my subconscious/spirits try to warn me. Smoke detectors going off for no reason, power going out at exactly the right moment, knowing of family members passing before it happens are a few of the things that have happened. I try to listen to these ques and follow what I am being told. Today Sweetie took Bug with my MIL to Seaworld. This was the biggest trip without me with them. L and I slept in after we sent them off and once happily awake we set out for my mom's. I have been studying again. Part of my study are lectures that are on my ipod that I listen to through the aux cable in the car. I finished the lectures for this week and I went to set my ipod to the next section for next week. It landed instead on a song that I love deeply but never comes up on my music shuffle. I said aloud "OK, I will listen to this now". And it was perfect. I think truly it is my favorite song. Of course close runner ups are Icecream, Montana, and Answer.

I listened to the lyrics and sang along. L is still too young to ask for a quiet trip like Bug does. Side note she is like me. We don't need to be entertained at all moments, we can entertain ourselves, and we don't always need music on, sometimes we thrive in the silence. So it hit me and it was good. Through happy tears I texted Sweetie to let him know about this feeling I was having. Unfortunately text does not allow enough characters so he thought I was upset at first. No worries, I got my point across.

The song was Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I adore this version. And this was just what I needed to remind me of what I have. You see there are many levels that this song applies. First, the baby you have after a loss is called a rainbow baby (the happy after the storm). Bug went with me to all my regular OB appointments. On the stairs in the morning the light hits in a way that shows rainbows, I know simple science, but it was special to me and the baby I was carrying. This Dr became known as the Rainbow Dr. Honestly those little lights gave me more hope than any of the sonograms. Because for him to be a rainbow baby, he would have to survive. The universe was telling me he would. She didn't understand about what a rainbow baby was but she looked for the rainbows each time. Somewhere over the rainbow I get my L. Not to put Bug on any lower level at all. I need them BOTH, they complete me. I am who I am because of them.

This song also made me think about me and Sweeite and our journey. We have had our rough patches, I never claimed otherwise. We took back control, sought help, refound each other, and renewed our vows. We grew stronger. The song reminded me that I was wishing upon a star to wake up where the clouds were far behind me. I have blogged recently on how good I am doing with me. It is true. I keep surprising myself and being proud of myself - these are very good things. I like who I am. I know how I got here, I accept the past - can't do a damn thing about it, and look happily to the future. It is all about growth. But to listen to the song made me realize that my wish did come true. The wish I made with every birthday candle, turkey wishbone, coin in the fountain and eyelash blowing. It came, and continues, to come true. Not that I will ever give up wishing and fighting. It IS a wonderful world. Now I have to admit I may have listened to this song a good five more times today. It makes me smile. It is such a "Missy" song.

Combine that with a great day with my Mom. Eating healthy on the weekend, shocking I know, having a wonderful dinner with Mom and Brother, and finishing with a cute movie, and I am feeling good. This week things really clicked for me. I have no idea where I stand on the weight loss front, but I know I have followed my points for six days. This included, baileys, cheesecake, eating out, and a crazy week at work. If I can lose this week, I can continue this. The challenge at work helps my motivation, but really all of the sudden it clicked that I have to do this for me. I cannot compare myself to anyone else, this is my journey. How fast I lose, how fast I walk, how long it take me to reach my goals do not involve anyone else. I am the one who has to do the work, I am the one who is worth it. It does help to have a spouse who is so supportive. He is tracking too, not that he has much to lose at all, but it does make it easier. Here's to my motivation lasting through Aug 6th :-)

Happy

2010-07-24T00:03:00.001-05:00

I am so happy. Life is Good. My family is amazing. Now to figure out what to do for Sweetie's b-day. Hmmm I want to something awesome for him this year.

That is all.

Let's do this quick, shall we?

2010-07-22T23:28:00.002-05:00

I have been working my tail off this week. Working late and through lunch. Hopefully things will get better and we will have resolution soon on some items.
In spite of the crazy week, I have been on program for 4 days now.
I even walked last night
When I got home tonight, Sweetie surprised me with a warm home made meal - lemon zest rice and chicken breast with asparagus and cheese.
He even had the nutrition ready for me.
I finished my crazy day reading to Bug, we are reading Edward Tulane - LOVE it!
Also finished with sipping some Baileys - sorry Mom, couldn't wait on you after my crazy day.
Now time to sleep.
Tomorrow we celebrate MIL's b-day. YAY!!

26 in 16

2010-07-20T21:14:00.002-05:00

OK so I am putting it out here so I am accountable. I am doing good and have found some motivation to get healthy. Thanks to the horrible lighting in the dressing room last week when we shopped for the clothes to wear at the wedding. It made me sad, then mad. Mad is good, mad gets you off your butt. So I enjoyed the weekend and started back on WW yesterday. Yes, I have actually journaled my food.

I am down 16.2 from my postpartum weight. I have earned my initial 5 pounds, 2 additional 5 pounds, and a 5% star. I know it is just a graphic on a website, but it makes me proud. This week, even with the wedding, I lost 2.2. YAY.

I feel like I can do it. I have made smaller goals so I don't get lost in the whole 60 pounds that I need to lose now. I am focusing on losing 26 pounds in 16 weeks. This is in time for my b-day. This puts me below what I was on our 2nd honeymoon. My ultimate goal is to be at a weight considered healthy, even if it is only by .1, by L's 1st b-day. This would be about 66 pounds less than when I got pregnant. So my b-day is my focus, of course I have smaller goals before then, like 10% loss, back to weight that I started SEU at, so on and so forth. Next mini goal on my radar is 20 pounds.

As far as exercising, I am going to do the podrunner 5k plan followed by the 8k plan. I will be doing it in order to be in better shape for the Turkey Trot 5 miler. Yes, I am motivated today. I hope it continues. I may post on here more about weight loss and exercise to keep me honest. Another thing I did was put the ww app on Sweetie's phone. This means he can at any point look at how I am doing, see how many points I have left, calculate points of the dinners he likes to make. He is not a controlling man. He will not be harping on me. Instead he will use it as motivating tool for me.

So 26 in 16. I can do it!

chilling with my man

2010-07-17T20:34:00.000-05:00

Ok so it is my little man :) Today was a wedding. Of course I cried, I cry at all weddings, including my two. And my man was smokin'. He was freshly clippered with a black button up shirt untucked over some very nice black slacks. Ok it sounds dark, but he pulled it off nicely. During the ceremony he scurried through the church taking pictures. I found myself holding L and completely taken by him. Even after 18 years he still sparks my interest.

Bug is even more in love with my Niece. They are bonded at the hip this weekend and I love it. They even sat together and alone during the ceremony.

L is fully rolling over awake now. We found out as he was on the bed and we look back and he was very close to the edge, silly boy. Needless to say while I clippered Sweetie's hair L was surrounded by a ton of pillows :) that and his sister watching him. She is the most awesome.

Right now my L sleeps in my arms while I watch PS I Love You. Wait now he is awake, now to cater to his needs :)

little bit of this, little bit of that

2010-07-11T14:50:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was an awesome family day. We did some videoing for the next episode and hit two parks. The second one we wanted to go to was in Gtown so we did a drop in on BestFriend. She was awesome and actually answered the door :-) We hung out and had icecream. It was one of those feel good days.

L slept 7 hours last night- woo hoo. And I went to sleep when he did so I got 7 hours straight. YAY!

Today has been a chore day. Sweetie and MIL did the yard, and now Sweetie is with Bug at a b-day party. L decided to nap so I started doing chores, I know shocking. Once again I started working on what is bothering me most and now I feel accomplished.

But I couldn't help but take a pic of my boy. The reason for lack of photos is that we moved the pictures to an external drive. This is safer but not as easily accessible for blogging. We are working on fixing this.

The pic isn'r great, taken with my phone. But you can see how cute he is:That's my boy :-) Now off for more chores to prepare for the week. I fear I may have to work late some. That is ok.

ponderings

2010-07-10T00:08:00.002-05:00

This is going to be another one of those write until I need to stop times. If you know me at all, you know that I am an open person while being reserved. I mean that I am not always forthcoming with details about my life, been burnt by that before. However, I am who I am. I don't pretend to be what I am not. I am not a girly girl who has to be made up before leaving the house, I hate shoe shopping, but I have an obsession with buying t-shirts. I speak my mind. I am who I am. If you are around me, you know this. I have a very strong maternal instinct. I always have. I want to take care of those around me, I want to help everyone. I try to be optimistic and have a positive attitude. I have been given the nickname of "sunshine" on several occasions because of this. I am the one people are attracted to when needing to talk. I have always been a "safe" person to vent to. And this has always been the case. With this instinct also comes vulnerability. I tend to stay more reserved now as I don't want to be hurt again. I have been hurt/betrayed by those I thought were my friends. This blog is my "safe" place. Very few read my blog. And those that I know read it care about me and I trust them. Those that I don't know, who come across or read it don't bother me. I am who I am. I don't write this for anyone but myself. I know it isn't the most interesting read, but it is therapy for me.

I live my little life and am very happy. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful kids, a great family, a home and a job - what more could I ask for? I am in a really good place with myself. Yes, I want to improve myself, my meds are helping, but really I am happy. I live a life that involves laughing everyday. Being silly is something that is mandatory. That and singing little made up songs. I have a husband who is my partner in this marriage and in parenting. I have a good life. Life is Good.

Not much can rock my boat. And it isn't rocked so much as I am simply in a thinking state of mind. I received a warning today from a friend that another friend who hurt me is back in town. I sound like I am back in Jr High. I sit here expecting to be upset, expecting to be uncomfortable, expecting to feel bad about myself and not wanting to be seen.

This is not the case. I am doing good. I am even smiling. We learn and grow from every event/action, or at least I hope to. I have said it many times before, if things didn't happen the way they did, good and bad, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am very happy where I am. And while the old me would hide away and feel sorry for myself because I need to lose weight, the new me is confident in who I am. I am not going to hide. I don't want to.

I am sure we will run into each other at some point. And that is ok. Things happened for a reason. I am a very different person now, and I am sure she is too. My reaction really shows me that I have forgiven and moved on. This is a good feeling. A feeling of completeness. I can see how far I have come. I always said that BestFriend helped me to gain my confidence and my self worth, and I stand by that. She is a friend that shows what a true friend is. I am very lucky to have her. She says how I am awesome and praises me. Tonight I have to agree with her words. I am awesome and I am confident.

After all, I can see through walls...

I'm Baaaaaaaccccck

2010-07-08T19:10:00.002-05:00

I m beyond behind at work, but that is ok. I am enjoying what I am doing again. Part of it is knowing L is being taken care of. My brain simply works better when I have work to do. My boss has been awesome, which helps a ton.

I got my Rx for my happy pills filled - and it is going to cost me $0. I love promotional coupons. I am also getting back into my walking this week and begin training for the Turkey Trot. Yay. In the work challenge I need to still lose 4.25 pounds before Aug 6th. I can do that. And the lingering weigh in will keep me good during Sweetie's b-day.

Two kids, two jobs, a house to maintain (or at least try), and trying to find one on one time together is not the easiest combination in a marriage. But I am happy to say we are doing it. And while I am getting frustrated easier and using Sweetie as a easy target, our communication is better. We are getting the whole routine of two kids down while trying to keep things even. With Bug it was easier as it was two of us splitting her care. Now there are two that need our attention and in very different ways.

This week has really made me feel more like myself again. My pregnancy was hard and filled with fear of another miscarriage. Then there is the whole lack of sleep, recovering from surgery, dealing with hormones part.

Last night I was having a frustrated moment and took it out on Sweetie. I admit it. He came in calm asking if that is what I was doing. Now in the moment I didn't admit it, I am still a woman. But I know it is true. Instead of wallowing in the frustration and complaining about this and that, I decided "do something about it". I know that sounds easy, but sometimes all the "to-dos" and frustrations take over. So I made myself stop and think about what was the one thing bothering me then and I dealt with it. Baby steps. I got the dishes done, then I picked clothes out for me and the kids, prepped the bottles for school, and took a nice long shower. To a new mom, even a new again mom, the shower is the end all. It can make your whole day. I did all of this while Sweetie put Bug to bed. I went to bed feeling accomplished, less stressed, and ready for the next day. I know this is common knowledge to a lot of people. But I just don't have the habits yet. I am working on it.

Another thing I did was plan for my next test. I am pumped. I have an email in to the IMA They changed the format in May and I have to find out how the section I took relates to the new way. I even contacted my study guide company and they told me that the items for the new version will be of no charge and it is simple switch on their end. That made my day. Now to get into a routine that stops my frustration from being overwhelming and able to get my studying and exercising in. Oh and take care of the kids and the house and work....oh no here comes the frustration again ;-) One step at a time. I need to make a list and do what I can. The most important part of my day is spending time with my kids.

Now off to finalize the last details for G's b-day tomorrow. It is going to be fun.

A Happy 4th

2010-07-05T11:19:00.003-05:00

We had a great 4th of July. BBQ, family, laughs, and fireworks. It really was good. Last year I had 5th disease so I was in pain. And we couldn't do fireworks due to the drought. The year before I was newly pregnant and feeling like crap (it was the pregnancy I miscarried). This year was awesome, no pain, happily holding my 3 month old while watching my Niece and Bug play, and my Brother was here. That last one really made it wonderful. He has been staying with my mom. And on a purely selfish level, I have loved it. He is close by and Bug has been able to bond with him again. They were even playing soccer outside yesterday. He is already planning on coaching sports for L. My kids are very lucky with the family they have.

This was L's first 4th, and first fireworks. They were fun, but scary. We had several that blew too soon, not far off the ground, or didn't go off at all. The quality simply was not there. And after all the years of incident free fireworks, this year we had a close call. A fountain went off too soon and got Sweetie. I watched him jump back and fall to the ground in the yard across the street. I was by the house, holding L, talking to G, and watching Bug draw with chalk on the driveway. I put L in G's arms and ran to him expecting the worst. I thought for sure there would be blood, a missing ear, and a needed trip to the ER. We are very lucky, his ear is fine, he just needed a minute to recover. He does have a burn/scrape on his shin. He really scared the crap out of me.

It really was fun though, we stayed up until nearly three. The kids were, of course, passed out so we stayed at Gs. Since moving out 13 years ago, I have only stayed here a few times. This morning was lovely. L and I were up first. I cleaned bottles while enjoying the quiet morning. Then we sat outside while he had his breakfast bottle. It was very nice. Now Sweetie is making us breakfast. I don't know what we have in store for today, but so far the holiday weekend has been wonderful.

Relaxing

2010-07-03T13:00:00.003-05:00

Well, my girl day turned in early. We went to Brushy Creek Park to walk the trails. And we did just that. The rain held out for us and it was a great time. We played on a play ground and tested our strength. Luckily we were the only ones there. As we left to go to lunch she said "maybe we should have rest first". Sure enough she was tired and wanted to take a nap before lunch.

This weekend is a hard one. I am expecting to break down at least once. We are going through my Dad's study. There are years of memories and junk to go through. I found the tapes of my girl scout performances, my graduation from High School, and Christmas of 91. Sweetie and I are the only ones with a VHS tape deck still so I get to take them to our house and view them.

Going to the park today with Bug a little strange. Even though I have lived in the same area, within 4 miles of the house I grew up in, my whole life, I rarely go North towards the schools I went to. I knew things had changed, but this time I was explaining the sights to Bug, so it really hit me. This was the first time I drove past my elementary in a very long time. It has changed in so many ways. She was very interested that it was the school where I went to Kindergarten. She asked my teacher's name and what we did in class. Having a five year old is awesome.

While at the park we found a fishing spot that my Dad would have loved. Going with the rest of the weekend, it got me a little teary. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a sad weekend. It is a reflective weekend. Remembering the good times, missing those who we lost along the way, and planning for the future. One thing we found so far was really cool. It was a photo album of my grandma's (father's mom). It was made in 1930 and had her address listed. We were saying how cool it was and I said we should look it up on google maps. We did and it was so neat. The house may not be the same, but we looked around the street. It was very neat. She was 27 at the time, single and loving it. The album has pictures of many friends (male and female) and places. Truly neat to think about my grandma as a young woman. If only I could go back as a fly on the wall and see what it was like when they were my age.

Now off to snuggle the next generation :-)

Going good

2010-07-02T17:25:00.000-05:00

Things are good. L started daycare yesterday. I was good and didn't cry. Though I did tear up at work and the day before, lol. Work is good. I am happy to be back. I have a ton to do and am behind but that is a good thing as it makes the day go faster and I can get to my babies sooner.

Did I mention the 10 pound challenge. Work has this challenge where you have to lose 10 pounds before Aug 6th. If you don't you have to pay $100 to the pot. If you do lose it then you get to split the pot with others that also lost. This is completely voluntary, but once you commit you are in. Well, I am happy to say I only need to lose 5 more to be at the goal. Woo Hoo.

I need to start walking again. Really what I need is a better schedule for the kids and Sweetie. But the priority is there. Sweetie has been running again and doing good. Our goal is at least a 10k, if not a half marathon for L's 1st b-day.

I am still shocked that I have kidS. Two, isn't that crazy. I feel like more of an adult with two. Not to mention the pain that writing the check yesterday caused. Two in daycare (and a very nice one at that) is expensive. But it is worth it. If it means we have to stay in our little house for an extra year to make it work, it is worth it. My kids are worth it.

I need to post some pics. If you are on my facebook, I know you have seen how absolutely adorable L is. He is all boy and I am happy to say no one has thought he was a girl. But it is his cheeks, you just want to squeeze them. So far I have heard that he looks like Sweetie and Bug. This is funny as Bug looks like me but no one says he looks like me. I hope it looks more like Sweetie. It would only be fair :-)

This past weekend we went to Ft Worth for our first little family vacation as a set of 4. It was a LOT of fun. We are going to make it a priority to go away at least once a quarter. With Sweetie's spot finding (gowalla) and our love of just wondering, walking, and talking we can go anywhere.

I am very excited about this weekend. Yes, I only worked two days and then get a three day weekend. I planned that quite nicely. Tomorrow I get one on one girl time with Bug, then the 4th and fireworks, and Monday will be family fun tooling around town and visiting some parks. I have a feeling I am going to do some more videoing for the spot finder ;-)

Things are good. And I am doing very good. Happy pills kicked in, thyroid meds reduced, and just enjoying my family. I am letting go of the whole perfection goal. I need to start back on the FlyLady. It is all about babysteps.

Let the weekend begin :-)

Need to blog more

2010-06-30T10:48:00.002-05:00

I dreamt last night about blogging. It was very real, just me sitting on the cot in L's room and blogging. I don't remember all I wrote, but I know it was like "I know I need to get back into this". I woke up honestly surprised the blog wasn't written, it was that real.

So there it is, I need to blog more. Today is my last day of maternity leave. I have both kids with me and having lunch with Sweetie. I am going to make the most of my time before going back to work tomorrow. I am sure a post will come tomorrow along the lines of having to leave L :-) I know it is time. I need my adult life back and he is big enough to have fun. I am just going to miss holding throughout the day.

feeling a little lost

2010-06-10T18:38:00.002-05:00

Bug is now 5. How can that be? Didn't I just have her? She is amazing and awesome.

I go back to work in three weeks. I have been working from home and it is hard. Between L (who is awesome too), and systems not working and things being slower from home, I am just spinning my wheels. I worked 5.5 hours today from home and got nothing done. I don't want to leave, I am just tired of reports not working.

I feel like I am losing my grasp on everything. I am not one for a pity party, I just feel like I need an outlet. Luckily, I got on some happy pills today. I hope it helps. I need a routine, some structure, something to help my brain. I need to be able to touch something and have it work. And most importantly, I think I need some work on me. My weight has gotten to me, I feel unattractive. I am going to do something about it right now. Time for some lists, goals, baby steps so I feel accomplished.

Thank you, all I needed was to vent for a little while. Maybe writing about it will help. If I decide it is getting too personal, I will move the address.

Still here

2010-05-18T14:15:00.003-05:00

Baby boy is getting big, over 11 lbs and 7 weeks today. Life is busy and crazy, but wonderful. I have a little less than a month and a half left at home. More updates will come, but I wanted everyone to know that things are good :-)

Time flying by

2010-05-03T11:08:00.003-05:00

Our little boy is over a month now. It is amazing. The time flies just like with the first one. Add that I am working from home this time and my time just flies away even more. He is beautiful and awesome and his sister adores him. Life is good. I am soaking up all of this. I just adore it. No wonder Sweetie wants a third, lol.

My recovery is going good. It was better than last time until I carried my dude in his carseat too soon. This caused a small hole on my incision. Blah. The good news is that not even 2 weeks later and the hole is healed. This week I am going to get out the jogging stroller and go for a walk with little dude.

Having two is very different, but not a nightmare at all. Sweetie is focusing on Bug while I focus on baby. I love having two - yes I know it has only been a little over a month. But it truly is fun.

Things are good. It is time for me to get back to studying and getting healthy. As far as the healthy part, I have motivation. In-law wedding mid july. Oh yes that is some good motivation.

Oh I realized that I have not posted a pic of my guy - here he is with his beautiful grin.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T18:37:00.002-05:00

Happy Easter everyone. Today is a wonderful day. I am surrounded with family and reminded how lucky I truly am. This year my tiny family is one larger and feels complete. If you ask Sweetie he says he wants one more, but we shall see.

I am happy to announce the arrival of Lucas Xavier Tolleson on 3.30.10 at 1:29pm. He weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and was 20 inches in length. He is perfect and we adore him. Bug has stepped into the big sister role without any issues. She adores him, kisses him, hugs him, and says he is her favorite.

While at the hospital Sweetie and Bug stayed with me. It was such a nice transition into our larger family size. We came home on Friday and have been enjoying some nice quiet family time.

I don't have pics to post right now but there are a few on facebook. Don't worry will be some posted here soon.

Today is the day

2010-03-30T04:24:00.003-05:00

and I should be sleeping. But I am not. I have honestly the worst heart burn that I have had through the whole pregnancy. And if I have complained about anything it is the heartburn. So I am up. I know I need my sleep, so I will be trying again in a few minutes, hoping the last batch of tums helps.

But the big thing is that I get to meet my boy today. I cannot wait. I am terrified, more so than with Bug. I think it is the whole ignorance is bliss vs. been there and done that. Sometimes knowing what you are getting into is scarier, lol.

The house isn't perfect. His room is beautiful, but the dining room still holds many items that need to be put away that came from his room. I have to let that go. The situation was the same with Bug, and everything turned out good :-) We are not doing our Whataburger run in the middle of the night this time. Earlier in the week during a horrible, but not this bad, bout of heartburn I declared that we shouldn't do it as I wouldn't be able to sleep after. Kind of funny that I am up anyway.

I hope Bug is ready. I just want to hold her and make sure that she is reassured and happy. I want her to know that this is not a replacement but simply an addition. I adore her so much. We had our girl day today. It wasn't as "big" as we had planned. I wasn't feeling up for much.

I hope today goes smoothly. I feel like we are forgetting something big.

happiness

2010-03-27T15:31:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in a beautiful park on an 80 degree day. My family plays as I watch butterflies and dragonflies. 3 days until baby L. Life is so good.

Wrapping it up

2010-03-23T12:11:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my 37 week appointment. The Friday before I also had to go in due to a spike in blood pressure. I was put on bedrest for the weekend. The bp never went back up - which is good. However, this caused enough concern to the Dr that he moved my c-section date to 3/30. This is one week earlier. We are a little scattered with this but at the same time ready. Next week I get to meet my little boy. I am so thrilled. I cannot wait to hold him. While this pregnancy has felt like forever in some ways in others it went by so fast. He is most likely my last baby and I am trying to cling to each kick. This pregnancy was so very different from Bug's. This one, due to my miscarriage in 2008, was filled with more worry, caution, nervousness. Add two additional doctors to the mix and it has been a journey to say the least. The fun part was seeing him more often due to the specialist. And the most amazing part has been Bug's reaction to everything. I am going to miss the additional hugs and kisses that I receive from her that are for him.
Family of four just sounds so grown up. I have to get used to that idea, lol.

sitting pretty

2010-03-16T20:59:00.002-05:00

I sit here 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. In 5 days my boy will be "term". I am so exited I cannot stand it. The family has come together and helped get the room ready - only thing really left is painting and decals - but that can be done after he comes, worst case. Hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago the room was a packed computer room.

We also got so many other things taken care of - big sigh of relief. The biggest change was replacing Sweetie's car. Well really it was my car that he inherited in 2000 after his poor car was totaled in a wreck. The car was dead in the drive but we were able to get the dealership of the new car to agree to tow it for us. Today, when I got home, the car was gone. This is good, but it does feel strange. This car was the last one my father helped me purchase. Add some hormones and you will understand.

Other than cleaning the living, dining room, and Bug's room, we are ready for baby L. I just feel like I am in a dream. I cannot wait. I want to see what he looks like, I want to kiss him, I want Bug to meet him. She hugs and kisses my belly. She tells him she loves him. She even said tonight that she cannot wait for him to come out. I adore all of this. I love that she is big enough to understand all of this.

As tonight is the last night of SXSW, Bug and I had a girls night. We went and purchased some new PJS and toiletries for the hospital stay. We are going to pack tonight, just in case. Bug never tried to come early, so I hope he doesn't either. But he is in the 85th percentile and she was never even close. Oh and have I mentioned that he is sideways - yep that feels great :-)

OK off to pack my bag. I hope I don't need it for 21 days :-)

120 days

2010-02-28T14:12:00.003-06:00

He did it! Successful completion of 120 days of growth. It sounds so silly, but I am so proud of him. for 120 days he took a picture every day and he posted on the website. He even went to the party in TN. It was a great experience for him. As much as I want him to trim back, I have to admit it is such a part of him now. This is his last photo for the challenge and I adore it!That is my Sweetie. Man, I adore him. Right now he is delivering our huge wrap around computer desk to my SIL. This means the room is close to being empty and we can start loading it back up and cleaning the remainder of the house that is in disarray since starting this project. We have completed so much this weekend and it gets me excited - 37 days remain at this point. WOO HOO!!!

small break

2010-02-24T16:23:00.002-06:00

OK I have to take a moment so I thought I would come here. Every single thing that I have tried to work on today has had an issue. Blah.

Yesterday it snowed. Yes, real live, not just ice but snow. Huge flakes, it was awesome. It lasted all day long. Unfortunately, we still had work and school. Though I did get out early enough to take Bug out in it. It was a lot of fun. And true to form our weather is sunny and beautiful today. One day is all we can take, lol.

This past weekend was girls' weekend. We had so much fun. We went to Sesame Street Elmo 1-2-3. It was fun. The strangest part was walking up to the Frank Erwin Center with Bug and being 33 weeks pregnant. The last time I was there I was 36 weeks pregnant with Bug. In fact the last two times I was there, I was pregnant (brother's graduation in Dec 04 and my MBA graduation May 05). It really made me think about how we have now less than 6 weeks.

As far as baby boy goes, things are good. Monday we had another ultrasound with the specialist and got the "graduation" and do not need to go back. He is still in the 85th percentile and measuring 10 days ahead of schedule. This morning I had my regular OB appointment and everything looks good. So far no movement in my c-section date. 41 days and counting.

This weekend, much to my happiness, Sweetie and MIL are attacking the room. I promise to give them whatever food/water they need if they keep going until it is done. I want to be able to work on Bug's room, the remainder of the house and packing my bag during March.

It is just crazy that in less than 6 weeks I will have a baby boy. Wow. I know it will all come together. It did with Bug.

On 3/8 we go to Kindergarten registration. This part is blowing my mind. How can my baby be big enough for school? So much is happening this year. I just have to slow down and make sure to take it all in.

While I love the kicks and attention the pregnancy gives me, I am so over being pregnant. I want my body back. I want to be able to diet with the goal of weight loss, to exercise without ligament pain or cramping. Sweetie is still holding out for a third, but I am pretty sure we are done. One of each.

My favorite part of this time around is Bug. She is amazing. She loves this little brother so very much and has never met him. She hugs and kisses my belly and tells him "you are my favorite guy". It melts my heart. I know that there will be some rough patches when he comes, but overall I feel like it is going to be good.

The big things to do before he comes are: car seat, Dr set up, room complete, bags packed, car purchased for Sweetie, and house cleaned. Not too bad. I will just keep repeating over and over, it can be done, it can be done, it can be done :-)

playing single parent

2010-02-19T19:51:00.003-06:00

I am in the single parent role this weekend. Sweetie is at whiskerino. This is after 111 days of growth.He is having great fun and thinks I am the best wife ever for making all the travel plans so he could hang with the manly bearded types. It is the least I can do. I don't mind him traveling without me - he wanted me to go with him but I am entirely too pregnant to enjoy it - but I do miss him. We have only been apart 5 weekends over the course of 12 years. I am pretty attached to him :-)

This means Bug and I have a girls' weekend. We shopped for a new dress today for her, had junk food for dinner and now we watch finding nemo. It is a good evening. I have having some BH contractions, nothing scary, and he is kicking like nobodies business. So the remainder of the night is me resting. Tomorrow is Sesame street live. I think we will have fun. Add in some laundry and errands/chores and that sums up our time together. We get to pick Sweetie up at the airport on Sunday.

Our next appointment is on Monday. This is a big one. Not only will we see the growth, but we will also get the scan that looks at all the organs. This is the scan that I received at 36 weeks with Bug, but they do at 33 weeks with my specialist. I am very anxious to see how he will do. I go back to normal OB on Wednesday and with the results on Monday I am hoping we can decide on the best c-section date. Right now 4/6 is scheduled - but I am open if we need to do it earlier.

A bigger job than expected

2010-02-13T18:40:00.002-06:00

We are still working on the computer/baby L's room. It is more than we expected. We have at least 11 years worth of bills/school papers/computer room stuff to go through. We are of the mindset of get rid of it all, but we still have to look at all of it. It does bring back memories and such. I mostly stopped using the computer room when Bug was born, started only using my laptop after graduating with my MBA.

Luckily the good has outweighed anything not so good. Love notes, cards, our marriage license, and photos of loved ones has outweighed the box of crap from leaving bad jobs and pictures of friends gone bad.

Our goal is to finish the room by Wednesday - with cleaning it out at least. The step after that is to get Bug's room all set up for her "big sister" room. Then back to his room. Our goal is to keep things even in the whole attention area with two kids. This is going to be fun.

Our Valentine's day plans might not seem the most romantic, but they are to me. Preparing our son's room, cooking a nice dinner together, watching a romantic netflix - that is perfect.

Now off to more cleaning and watching olympics - Go USA!

random

2010-02-11T22:13:00.002-06:00

Best quote of the night "daddy will you please stop shooting my unicorn".

We are ready for the Valentine's Day party. It is so hard to believe that on Sunday it will be 13 years since Sweetie proposed on stage.

Life is good. I am still freaking out about getting the room ready - but a ton will be done this week.

Sweetie's car is dead - we have been expecting this for some time. Until we buy a new one, prob end of the month or so, we are car pooling. Honestly, I love that. We get more time together, have spontaneous family dinner out, and it is just fun. We are lucky enough that we both work in locations that permit carpooling.

But the main thing is that I am doing good. Thyroid looks good, baby is kicking like crazy. I can tell how much bigger he is than Bug was, I feel his movements more. This makes me smile. However, a day doesn't go by where a co-worker makes a comment that I won't make it through March as I am huge. Well, it is true, I am huge. I am also only 5'0" and there isn't much room for me to carry him, lol.

OK just wanted to do a quick drop in and let everyone know how I am doing. Oh and since the last post, OB has not changed my c-section date yet. I go back for another size ultrasound on 2/22 and then see regular ob on 2/24. We will see how much this little guy has grown by then.

So much going on in my brain

2010-01-31T11:13:00.002-06:00

It is all good. We started on the room. It is hard to see the progress at this point as we are having to sort through nearly 11 years worth of stuff. It is hard to eliminate a room that was filled. But we can do it. Someday we will get the bigger place that allows for a computer room. For now, we shall focus on our little family.

I have another Dr appointment with my regular Ob tomorrow. I am anxious to what he says about baby's size. From my research it seems that he may change my c-section date. That is cool with me. I really want him to make it to week 37 - which is March 23. The good thing about being as short as I am is that there isn't much room for baby. Add a big baby to that mix and I am huge ;-) I believe my boss is expecting me to have him early or be put on bed rest.

Work is good, but busy. I am very thankful for my boss. This time around is so much different, and better, than when I was pregnant with Bug. There is stress to get items done, but I am working very hard to not allow it to get to me.

Currently, I am fighting a cold. Such fun. Sweetie took Bug up to work with him to give me some space to sleep. Of course I couldn't. But I did enjoy a long shower, doing my toes, watching "you've got mail", and now finally some blogging. Now if I could shake this headache and stuffy nose I would be set.

During the day I have a ton of blog ideas go through my head. Of course when I sit down to write, they are all gone.

The best part of this pregnancy is feeling him kick. Well, that and watching Bug feel him kick. I love that she is old enough to fully understand that I am pregnant. While she may not fully understand how things are going to change, she knows a baby is in there. And she has been the biggest helper. It is funny, when we had Bug it was all about us becoming parents. This time it is all about Bug becoming a big sister.

Now to the other perk of third trimester, the fact that I must eat or I will get sick - such fun.

Big boy

2010-01-25T17:59:00.002-06:00

Well, I just got back from our 29 week sonogram with the specialist. Baby looks good. The liver looks good, no worries there. He is measuring big. He is about 17 days ahead of schedule. He is in the 84%. Luckily as I am a c-section I am not terrified at the news. I am thinking that this will be a March baby. I do want him to try and hold out until 3/23 - but we will see. They checked my blood sugar and no problems and my blood pressure is looking awesome. Mostly I just feel a need to get everything done. He has the most beautiful cheeks. I cannot wait to kiss them.

Baby growing big and strong

2010-01-18T16:12:00.003-06:00

Time is flying. I am 28 weeks now. 11 until my c-section, if he holds out that long. Everything is looking good. I cannot wait to meet him. Serif cannot stop talking about him. She wants LT to come home. I just smile and agree. I am finishing my room this week, little clean up and getting rid of old clothes and such. Then the focus is the room. YAY. Not long now at all :-)

Well, back to work. I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know that things are still good.

Happy 2010!!!

2010-01-02T10:11:00.002-06:00

**First I want to say that I received a call on New Years Eve from the Dr and all blood work came back normal. The scary sounding diseases are not an issue, yay. Now all we do is wait until the next sonogram and watch for changes.

Here it is, 2010. That date still sounds so futuristic to me. But the biggest thing that this year brings is my due date is in 2010. This means we are going to have our baby boy THIS YEAR - 94 days to be exact.

2009 was a good year. Sweetie rode 112 miles for LLS Team in Training and we conceived our baby boy. We celebrated birthdays and, most sadly, the loss of a friend. The last few months of the year were a blur of watching and praying and hoping for our new little one. Bug is beyond excited.

With the new year we are now focusing on changing the over stuffed computer room into a wonderful baby boy's room. He will be using Bug's furniture with new bedding and she is getting a new bed and dresser. After all, she does start Kindergarten this year. That is very hard for me to type - I cannot believe she is that big. Side note on her, she knows that baby will be here before her b-day. This translates to starting to plan her b-day party to get to it quicker and get him quicker. It is so cute.

This new year was brought in with a very laid back way. We went to a friend's for New Years eve. I made it to about 11, but ultimately brought in the new year at home with my Bug, Sweetie, Mom, and MIL. New Years Day MIL made us a wonderful dinner. It was perfect. The evening ended in taking down the Christmas tree. This is a tad early for us, but very needed as we are all set to get this boy's room done.

Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. Since we celebrated our 10 year in Barbados it has been hard to have an anniversary live up to that level. All I want is to spend some time with him.

Happy

2009-12-29T16:38:00.003-06:00

Things have been crazy in the Tolleson household. Between Christmas, playing, enjoying new floors, and being lazy, our time has slipped away. Christmas was wonderful. Watching Serif through this season has been a magical experience. She is such a neat kid and so very grateful for everything she received.

Last week was my 24 week appointment with my regular ob. I had my glucose test and passed, yay! Then yesterday was my 25 week appointment with my specialist. Baby boy looks good, measuring 5 days ahead of schedule and in the 54 percentile. There is one issue. They noticed a spot on his liver. They are going to watch and see if it progresses with the next appointment. In the meantime I got to go and have a ton of labwork done. Fun. I know he will be ok, I am just a little concerned. I think he picked up on my concern as he has been CRAZY kicking and moving around today. All has to be good.

I said that I wouldn't worry about getting the room ready until the first of the year, yikes it is almost here. In fact 98 days and I will be a 2nd time mommy. I cannot believe it, that sounds so soon to me. There is so much to do, at home and work, but I have to believe it will get done. When we prepared for Bug we started having "home improvement Sundays" and enlisted the help of MIL to come over to get things ready. Hopefully we can do that again. With work I am going to have to sit down with my boss and make out a realistic plan of my workload and my third trimester. Little things like it may be easier for me to work on Saturday mornings than late during the week, and how I am trying to keep stress to a low level. It will all get done, we just need to keep the faith.

Other than those little stressers, I am beyond happy. Sweetie and Bug take the best care of me. I am so lucky to have my little family. Last night I had a headache so I was resting and Bug kept coming by and checking to see if I had a fever and told me to rest. She loves to feel brother kick her. Her eyes light up. I love it. I think she has felt him more than Sweetie at this point. What can I say, he likes his sister. We received some clothes from a teacher at Bug's school and we are getting more from another friend who has a 10 month old. That is going to be the best part, most of the clothing purchased. That way I can focus on the little things for his room.

Quick drop in

2009-12-15T17:06:00.002-06:00

I have a few minutes before I head out and thought I would check in. Things are good here. Christmas is in full swing. Baby has me distracted though, so I must push through and get into the spirit of everything. Bug is so big this year, I can really see a difference in her in the last 6 months. It is awesome. She is my little buddy. We are shopping and talking friends. Her and Sweetie, they are the rough housing types.

I went to her school yesterday and saw her dance class. She really likes it. She might even like it more than soccer. No problem there at all, these are things she must decide for herself. I just enjoy watching her make the decisions.

She and I have next week off. Sweetie has to work, but we plan on having some fun. Last minute shopping and decorating are planned as well as so much needed baking. I cannot wait. I think I am more looking forward to the three days with her than with Christmas itself.

We have been on the go so much lately. Tonight my goal is to clean and relax. I know how old that sounds, but it is true. And there you have it, time for me to go and get my precious Bug.

Staycation comes to a close

2009-12-06T19:46:00.002-06:00

Our staycation is now over. Tomorrow is back to the grind stone. Actually, I am looking forward to it. I had not taken a decent amount of time off since Jan 08 for our second honeymoon. I feel recharged. The last few weeks of the year are going to be crazy, but I can handle it.

The floors look awesome. I am beyond happy with them. The whole living room has come together. I have still been taking my pictures, at least one a day as planned. I simply need to upload them. Pics of the living room will be on there as well. As soon the kitchen and dining room are put back together, I will post pics of those too.

This week has been wonderful. We slept late, stayed up late, watched movies during the day, and ate junk food when we wanted. It felt like Christmas break when I was a kid.

Baby seems to be doing really good. He is kicking away. I love feeling his movement. Bug loves him so much already - it just warms my heart. Sweetie is excited and we have been discussing names and themes. Our plan is to get the house ready for him except his room by the first of the year. Then all we have to worry about with the last trimester is the room.

Happy happy happy

2009-12-01T17:13:00.002-06:00

Sweetie and I are off this week. We spent the vacation money on our floors, which are done and BEAUTIFUL (pics to come soon)!!! We got the trees up, Bug has her own this year, and they are perfect for us.

Our tree is not big, but it is VERY us. I had a complete adult realization moment - you know where all of the sudden you feel your age and like a responsible adult. With a second child on the way and new flooring feeling like an adult has been pretty constant. However, with the unpacking of ornaments that span over 13 Christmases of our living together really hit me. When we first moved in together our tree was a little smaller and mostly balls with a couple of ornaments showing the happenings of the year. Each year there are less generic balls and more sentimental ornaments. This year the tree is my favorite. We have nothing but ornaments. It simply makes me smile.

This staycation has been wonderful. The three of us are just taking it all in. Shopping, yummy food, Christmas specials, seeing Santa, and many laughs have filled the two days. I just hope it doesn't go too fast. Now if only we can get the computer room cleaned out for baby, I will feel completely productive. Oh and Christmas shopping would be good too. But it will all come in time. I am fighting some anxiety and stress, but that comes with hormones.

I am still taking my 365 photos, I need to update a few, hopefully I will get to that tonight. I also need to clean off the kitchen table of the items placed there during the floor installation.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I am truly enjoying it so far. And on the 12th I get to take Bug to the nutcracker for the first time. YAY!

moving slowly but thankful

2009-11-27T11:50:00.001-06:00

Currently I am sitting in the middle of heb waiting on Sweetie to return. I am having some pain - nothing scary - so I am moving slowly. I am an emotional wreck this holiday season. Thanksgiving was wonderful. We are getting close to having a name for this little bundle. As with bug, we are not saying names until we are set - we don't want reactions to change our minds.
Today we are decorating the tree. I cannot wait. The house is still in chaos with the flooring and such - but the tree area is clean. I need to upload pics too, I got some great ones of thanksgiving.

So much for posting daily

2009-11-25T12:42:00.003-06:00

The flooring isn't going as quickly as I planned. We had to unhook the modem on Monday due to moving the desk from the living room - hence no blogging for two days. A ton was accomplished last night. I love love love it.

Today was my 20 week appointment with my regular OB. Sweetie couldn't make it - the first appointment he has missed. But I had Bug so I was set. She laid next to me on the table while they did an ultrasound. He kicked for her and she LOVED it. She really is going to be a great big sister. I cannot wait.

But first we have to change his room into a bedroom. This means taking everything out that is in there. This is going to be a task. Once we do this we will be able to move some of Bug's furniture into Baby's room and get her new items. Since we have baby items we are using this opportunity to get her big girl items that help make her feel special.

Thanksgiving is at SIL's MIL's house again this year. I cannot wait. Bug and I are going to make some food for the fun while Sweetie and MIL do the turkey trot. I just am not up for it this year.

Today I am thankful for a Dr that makes me feel comfortable, taking time from work, and for rainbows.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will try to get on tomorrow and post my pictures. I have been taking my one a day, just haven't been able to post them.

All things good

2009-11-22T22:45:00.002-06:00

Today my thanks focus towards my family and home. Sweetie is working on redoing our floors. We have wanted to for years but for one reason or another did not. Well, my Christmas is coming early. With the help of his uncle, Sweetie is installing flooring for us. It makes me so happy. They didn't get as far as expected due to all of the angles in our house, but I am very impressed with the results. Hopefully the remainder will be done this week so I can start Christmas decorating.

I am thankful for a home where I can install flooring. I am thankful for Sweetie and his willingness to give up a weekend to make me happy. And even though I am having such sciatic pain that I almost fell down today, I am even thankful for that. It means that I am lucky enough to experience this wonderful pregnancy. I just have to accept that I will never be the running around with a bump kind of pregnant lady who is running around like nothing is different, lol.

I am in a great place right now. This is very welcome.

Another

2009-11-21T22:05:00.002-06:00

I am beyond thankful for my wonderful and awesome husband. He takes the best care of me and our family. I only hope that someday he understands how much he means to me.

Thankful

2009-11-20T17:03:00.002-06:00

I have been posting daily what I am thankful for on FB. However, here I can go into more detail than a simple status message. I am so very thankful this year. Normally I do a post at Thanksgiving. However, this year, there is so much going on, I feel I need more. My goal is to post one a day until Thanksgiving, with a total of 7 :-)

First, I am thankful for baby beats heart rate monitor. My friend DarkDiva gave me hers when I was pregnant with Bug. I used it twice. We didn't have the fear of a miscarriage as we do with this one. Wednesday night we were cleaning for some upcoming home improvements. I found the monitor. Of course I had to try it. Hearing his heartbeat was wonderful. Of course, this is for "entertainment purposes only" and is not a full medical declaration of health. And, if he moves to another area, the battery on the device is low, or who knows what else, you won't be able to find the heartbeat. I know from the expecting boards that this is common. However, last night when we experienced this, it caused some worry. Please know there were no other signs of anything bad. We took to bed early that night trying to remind ourselves that everything is fine. Sweetie and Bug took turns singing and talking to my belly. Apparently it worked, as I was getting ready for sleep, I felt him kick. Nothing strong yet, but movement nevertheless. I left work a little early today and stopped by CVS for a new battery and much needed Reece's peanut butter trees (but that is another story about how by the time I got home two were gone). I came home and with the new battery looked for his wonderful life beat again. Sure enough I found it. I am so happy to hear him. I am so lucky to have nearly twice as many appointments as I did with Bug. I have had 7 ultrasounds. My next dr appointment is Wednesday. But this reassurance is very much appreciated.

Day 6

2009-11-17T18:52:00.004-06:00

Day 6
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Shopping Day! Today was a great one. Even though I had to go a little slower - thanks to my sciatic nerve. Nevertheless, we accomplished a lot and had fun chatting.

Now I am tired, but happy.

If you want to see days 2-5, click on the photo to go to my photostream.

Day 1

2009-11-16T22:17:00.001-06:00

Day 1
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

I am attempting the 365 challenge once again. Fun fun. I uploaded the first 5 days. My goal is to document my 34th year. Day one began with my 33rd b-day.

This was a present from Sweetie and Bug. I asked for a tree as it symbolizes our growing family.

18 weeks and going strong

2009-11-09T16:04:00.001-06:00

Today was the big anatomy ultrasound for 18 weeks. Everything looks good. I am so happy. His heart rate is at 160 and strong. This time he did some beautiful kicks for us. And, yes, they confirmed he is a boy. While the last appointment said he was as well as the 3D scan – I was still concerned that after getting Bug on board with a boy that he would turn out to be a girl, lol. Luckily, that was not the case. The Dr said he is a “fat boy” due to his weight being 6% higher than the average at this age. He had no concerns at all and said he looks very healthy. He declared my pregnancy on cruise control and for me to continue as planned. This makes me very happy. Next step? Next week I get my thyroid tested and see my Endo.

This weekend was wonderful. While Bug and I did not feel well on Saturday morning, we were feeling better come evening. We hung out with BestFriend for a little bit and watched Bug sing on a microphone for the first time.

Yesterday was even more fun. We were feeling better so we headed out for our normal chores. As we were driving past the mall we noticed a big top. Sure enough a small circus was in town. We decided spontaneity is the key to life and bought tickets. Really, Sweetie was the one who insisted we do it right then. He loves nothing more in this world than to make her smile. This was Bug’s first circus and she loved it. The elephants and clowns were her favorite. She enjoyed cotton candy, popcorn, and face painting. It was pouring when we arrived, without an umbrella, of course. By the time we left and made it through the mud, we were a little chilly. The solution was hot chocolate. Bug was very serious through the whole event. It wasn’t until we left and she began chatting away about the fun that we knew she had a blast. When I was dropping her off at school this morning she was telling all her friends and it made me smile so big.

I can already tell that this Christmas is going to be awesome. She is so big. I know we originally wanted our kids closer in age. But this is so perfect for us. She is talking about brother a ton. She offers up her baby things for him to use, is deciding what she wants to teach him, and already naming him. Right now it is Mo – from the WallE.

Happy

2009-11-06T22:09:00.003-06:00

I am happy. Things are progressing in the organizing department. Work is crazy busy, but I have a plan. Due to system changes and the audit, I am very behind. Don't get me wrong, I am not being given a hard time over it or anything - I just know what needs to be done.

We have our next appointment on Monday. This is the anatomy scan. I cannot wait to see little cricket again.

Next week is also my birthday. YAY. I don't know what it is, but I am so very happy about this one. Nothing major planned, just dinner with family. But truly that is all I need.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T21:35:00.004-06:00

just some girl time

2009-10-30T20:16:00.002-05:00

Sweetie is hanging out with MIL so it is just me and Bug. We are enjoying some noodles and grapes - we are very simple at times :-) We planned on some baking tonight, but that will depend on Bug. If she isn't in the mood, no big deal. The goal is to relax.

I cannot even express how happy I am to be past the nausea. While I am still suffering some fatigue, being able to eat and drink again is pure bliss. That doesn't mean that I am functioning at full force, sciatic nerve pain has already started and I tire very easily.

Things are a little stressed, but we will survive, as we always do. I have faith that what is meant to be will happen. The main thing is that I want Sweetie happy. He deserves it.

In other news, I am so excited about tomorrow. Bug and I will both be witches. We are going to SIL's again and plan to have a grand time. I hope to get pics uploaded this weekend of the fun.

16 week appointment

2009-10-27T17:56:00.002-05:00

We went to my 16 week appointment today. They did an unexpected sonogram to see if they could see sex. The first half the NP thought girl, then the baby rolled over and showed more. She declared that she thinks it is a boy, but nothing certain and that I would find out in 2 weeks at my anatomy scan. Bug heard her say boy and started crying saying that it was a girl. The crying wasn't in a fit sort of way, but very sad. She had Sweetie pick her up and she cried into his shoulder. He, understandably, just wanted to be able to say that it was a girl.

The not knowing for sure killed me. I called the 3/4d ultrasound place a friend went to. I figured if I couldn't get an appointment in before my anatomy scan on the 9th, it wasn't meant to be. Well, they got me in before the 9th. In fact, they got me in today. It was awesome. A sonogram without stress or worry - YAY. Baby was lying just like me with his arms behind his head. This is funny as there is a picture of Bug as a new born with both of our arms behind our head as we slept.

She confirmed what I heard that morning. She stated that she was 99.8% sure that it is a BOY! Yay. We were sure that Bug was a boy. When we found out the sex we were so thrown we took the remainder of the day off. This time we thought it was a girl and once again got thrown off. Goes to show, we don't know much - lol. We are thrilled and happy and excited. Honestly, I am just over the top after seeing strong legs, beating heart, and knowing the sex. I feel like yet another layer of the scared coat that I have been wearing was lifted. I feel like I can shop now, and bond fully with my son.

No worries about Bug. By the time we got home, she was good with the whole baby brother concept.

Happy

2009-10-25T22:17:00.002-05:00

Life is good. No cramping all weekend. I had a great time with my friends on Saturday night. Plus my Brother is back from Alaska. I missed him so much and am so happy he is back.

I smiled a lot this weekend. Sweetie was the source of much of it. He made sure I had fun and laughed while also resting. I have to say, there is nothing that makes me happier than watching him be a father. He walks on his hands, dances silly, and carries her around just to hear her laugh. Yes, I am in a hormonal/emotional state. I am simply feeling much love for my family :-)

Next appointment is Tuesday. I will let everyone know how it goes.

time to chill

2009-10-23T19:39:00.002-05:00

So nothing major to report. But I have been having some minor cramping. I told Sweetie that I thought it was due to me needing to drink more water. I called the nurse today and they had me do a urine test to rule out bladder infection. Good news, it came back clean. The nurse instructed me to rest some this weekend and make sure to up my fluid intake. Sounds good to me.

We have a crazy weekend planned, but not too much. We have soccer in the morning, a baby shower to attend for an ex-teacher of Bug's, and then back to Gumbos to listen to BestFriend's boyfriend. Sitting, eating good food, and listening to wonderful music - that is my kind of rest.

frustration

2009-10-22T21:07:00.002-05:00

I may be the same weight I was when I got pregnant with Bug, but things are very different this time. I am sick just like with her. But I am having the back pain, lack of sleep, and utter exhaustion after standing much earlier. Please do not take this as complaining about my situation.

Sink is still clean, been doing a little housework every night (trying not to focus on what still needs to be done), and trying to listen to my body and rest when needed. Sweetie is amazing and has been cooking and cleaning for me. He is very protective of me and I have to admit that I love it. If I mention any cramping or exhaustion he sends me to rest. My next Dr appt is on Tuesday.

I just need to get past the frustration. I can only do what I can do. I am different from everyone else and need to accept that. My dry eyes have been very bad this week. That is something I look forward to after having my baby - being able to treat my disease. Since we were trying they would not prescribe anything worthwhile. In many ways I feel like I have been pregnant for well over a year. After the miscarriage we knew that we would be trying again with the first of the year. This meant nothing crazy medicine or diet wise.

OK enough complaining. I am happy - I just need a good night sleep :-)

while my reports run

2009-10-20T13:34:00.002-05:00

I think I am going to hop over here and work on some more me time. It does help to write things out.

I am doing better. So far the sink has been clean for two days - this is the first step with Flylady. And last night I did my 15 minutes of laundry. Not much, but a huge start. Tonight is more of the same. However, we are attacking our living/dining/kitchen area. We need a new fridge and in order for that to happen, some organization needs to occur.

A new fitness challenge starts this week. I am hoping to complete this one. No worries, all easy going exercise for me.

OK funny story. Bug and I were having a bit of a disagreement about show and tell and getting ready for school. On the way she said "mom, we are fighting". I couldn't say anything but "yes, honey I think we are." She is getting big. The most wonderful and frustrating part is that she understands so much now. She is so excited for baby - aka Cricket. She wants her (no sex determined yet, Bug just claims she is a girl) to come out now and play. We were discussing Christmas and I told her that I want to do a ton of crafts and baking as I want this Christmas very special for her. She asked me why, and not in a "saying it to hear myself say it" way but in an honest question. I explain that next Christmas is going to be very special with a new babybrothersister, but that this is her last Christmas with just her. I just love her so much. She is my awesome little friend.

Speaking of which, I need to go and get her.

me and my brain

2009-10-18T22:14:00.003-05:00

I am overwhelmed. It is true. I worry about being able to juggle two kiddos, keep the house clean, keep up at work, and all other things that go along with where I am in my pregnancy. That and even with the 12 week appointment past us, I am still so scared of a loss. And honestly, the last things I want to hear are "it will work out" or "you can do it".

The bottom line is that since the miscarriage we have let our house go. It became very obvious to me today as I looked around and took in the status. I tried to show a brave face, hell I even convinced myself, but the loss got to me greatly. We let the house go, stopped inviting people over because of it, hung out with others less, and clung to each other as we healed. There is good and bad to this situation. I feel we are stronger for it but also feel disconnected from some friends. We have become bad about waiting for the invitations from others but not extending our own. I plan to change this.

I had a weepy day today. I cried and had to really think about things and a plan. We spent the day at a b-day party and then a nap. I refuse to beat myself up for not cleaning when that was such a great nap :-) So what I did was get a load of laundry going and completed FlyLady day one and I shined my sink. It is beautiful. It is a start.

pregnant brain and yay

2009-10-15T22:09:00.003-05:00

First, let's do the yay. Today we sent in the tax return I have been working on and that the audit was all about, yay. Big relief.

And yes, the pregnant brain has started. It is real, and seriously frustrating. I made three errors at work today. Two were caught beforehand and one not. UGH. Nothing horrible, but still frustrates me.

Once again, I rejoined flylady. I first found flylady back in 1999. I believe it is a very good program, yet I have to admit I have never done the work. This time I am hoping it is different. I have the 30 day baby step program all ready. We are starting it tomorrow. Wish us luck. My goal is to get organized before baby comes. I know my world will be in chaos then, even if the house is a fine oiled machine.

As far as the pregnancy goes, things are going smoothly. I got sick twice today and had to miss a happy hour due to feeling like crap, but overall that is improving. But the worst thing is sleeping. I know this is only going to get worse. My hip hurts and it is very hard not to sleep on my back. I want to try yoga more often to see if it will help. Sweetie is getting the workout area all ready for me this weekend.

And I do have to brag on Sweetie. Yesterday I told him that I was craving chicken and dumplings, just a side comment. When he arrived home he had two bags of groceries. He found a recipe online and bought everything to make a healthy version for me. It was yummy. The best part was living the full princess pregnancy lifestyle and lying on the couch while he did all the cooking.

Now I am going to attempt this whole sleep thing again. Wish me luck.

down but not out

2009-10-13T12:00:00.002-05:00

We went camping for Ren Faire this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. It was cool and damp and perfect. Unfortunately, Bug did get a cough and low grade fever. No worries, she can go back tomorrow.

I am happy to report that the last two days I woke up without any nausea. I think this means I am getting to the second trimester happy stage. The true test will be if I have the energy to clean tonight.

need some good vibes

2009-10-08T18:25:00.002-05:00

Most of Bug's friends have come down with the flu this week and last. So far we have been lucky. But today, today when we got home Bug requested we go straight to my bed, snuggle and watch TV. I hope it is just her wanting to take care of me. We have a big weekend planned and I don't want her to have to miss it.

Tonight we focus on resting, hydrating, vitamin C, and a good dinner. I hope it helps. The good news is that her mood is wonderful. Currently she is putting smiley faces all over me.