pissed

I should not blog when I am pissed. It is not productive or positive. But I cannot help it right now.

But this is the thing. Bug's b-day is Saturday. This is the first b-day that she is fully aware of her day and is looking forward to it. This party is ONLY two hours of one evening. This party is not at a far away location. This party is important to HER. This is not about holding grudges or judging. This is about keeping the day innocent and about HER. I didn't want anyone to have to answer questions. I have THREE people in my family. That is all. If one is missing - it is obvious.

I am just beyond words. And you don't even know it. I overheard the conversation. It wasn't said to me. And I think that makes it worse. I thought the day was important to you too. I thought you were the ultimate uncle. I thought we meant the most. I understand your company leaves the next day. But it is TWO FUCKING HOURS. I have friends that not only cleared their schedule but also asked how they can help, and said they wouldn't think of inviting their legit boyfriends/girlfriends.

I feel in a horrible position. I don't want to back down on my decision. I don't want to give in in order to stay in your life. I shouldn't have to. I have given in with other ways. I have shown that I love you no matter what, I have been as supportive as I can. Don't take that for granted.

I hope and pray that you change your mind before Saturday. I hope I don't have to explain this to you. I hope you come to your senses. I just cannot believe that this is even a stress I am having. I never thought I would. I am so fearful that you won't change your mind, that you will remain selfish and this will hurt our relationship.

Perhaps our relationship doesn't mean as much as you claim it does.