Rockin' Girl Blogger

At work, counting the minutes to leave. I worked late last night. Nothing bad and did get a lot done. But now I sit. I can't do any of my billing as the system is down and I can't do my audit report as I am waiting on a report. I hate it when I am stuck like this. The good news it that it is almost 5.

Carrie nominated me for this: Why? She says "acause she has a lot on her plate in this roller-coaster called life, but yet, still exudes so much positiveness and is such a hoot to hang out with. She is also one who inspires me, as even when she is faced with things that would cripple others, she can find the light and the brightside. :)"

This made my day when I saw it yesterday. I love my bitches. I need to chat/email/comment more. I am going to work on that, I promise.

So now it is my turn to nominate.

BestFriend - she is going through so many changes and trying to find herself. I love her and want her happy. She is very brave and courageous.

HowieMaui - she is such a sweet person. I have known her for over two decades and feel a comfort with her that I cannot describe. I am so happy she is in my life and I am going to make such efforts to see her more often.

Deb - she inspires me daily. She has gone through hell, faced the worst and still tries to keep a positive outlook. I am walking the LiveStrong Challenge in honor of her.

I have been feeling good this week. I got my hair cut and I colored it. It is dark now. Very different. But I like it a lot. I will post a pic soon. So many pics to post. BestFriend sent me these from G's b-day dinner.

Sweetie and Me:And my "don't mess with me or my friends" face:

OK time to go get my girl. I hope everyone has a great Thursday night. Remember, tomorrow is Friday the 13th :-)

Drunk blogging

I is drunk. lol. BestFriend was the bomb and was my DD - yay free pepsi. TBG was in town so we had to party.

These are our first drinks, isn't the little one cute? It is called a mini-margarita. Here we are, thank you BestFriend for taking the picture. We had a good dinner and then went to Cedar Street. It was a lot of fun. I hope you had a great time in Austin, TBG.

And, FYI to all husbands of drunk wives - do not point out slurred words. It does not help you in the bedroom activities no matter how cute you claim it is.

Ok I am going to bed for now. Let's hope the world does not spin as I enter my bed, as I am too short to put one foot on the floor. TxMom kept buying me drinks. I soooo owe her a few one of these nights.

TGIF

Today is Friday, thank goodness. Why is it the short weeks always seem so long? My allergies are killing me. But I shall live. Tomorrow night is the mini-blowout and I get to see TBG. YAY! I am even bringing BestFriend and HowieMaui with me.

I am feeling a little out of control. My studying is behind (hope to get back on that bandwagon this weekend), the house is a mess, and I feel out of touch with my eating and exercising. This just means that I need to sit down and make a plan, yes in excel. A plan can solve anything.

Then this weekend is studying, partying, and shopping for Bug's b-day items. Next week is Bug's b-day and when I give my blood again. I am hoping, yet again, for a reduction in my meds. I truly feel there is something wrong and with everything I read, it points to my meds being too high. If that is not the case then I need to sit down with my dr and try to figure it out. Blah.

And I just have to leave with this one mommy story. Bug's new thing is saying "I like xxx" or "I love xxx". She first said it about Sweetie - never going to live that one down. But last night she said it about her ball, her toes, the wall..... so very cute.

Oh and happy Blogversary to me - three years now. Wow, so much has changed.

motivate me

Do you know what ticks me off? I blog all day at work. Meaning that I will write some, then when I get a chance an hour or so later, I will add more. I was in such a mode to leave for my Bug that I closed all my programs and windows - without saving. Post gone. So I start over. And damn, I had some good stuff in that one.

Today's focus has been on motivation. I need to come up with motivating tactics to get me to eat right and exercise. For example, if I exercise for a day - what can I get/do? Or if I eat right how do I reward myself? I know that the way I feel should be enough, but it just isn't. The only real time I have for exercise is the mornings. This means that I need to get out of bed. That is the problem. I read that it works for some people to only allow themselves to shower or put on makeup if they exercise. It is about making yourself do something that you feel you need only if you follow through with your exercise commitment. So that is what I have to figure out, what is my thing that would make me get out of bed and exercise?

And good news on the CPA front. At least I hope it is good. They are looking into why I don't know my password. No worries, I have the book so I can start regardless.

OK I am so very tired today. Almost falling asleep at my desk. That is no good. I am off to take a shower and hit the hay early. No chatting with the bitches tonight, sorry girls - catch you next week.

Lost my Blowout Virginity

I am home. I survived my first blog blowout. I had a blast. As two nights of drinking and little sleep gets to this 'ol girl, I will bullet for now and fill in the blanks later.
~I got my first Manicure/Pedicure - it was awesome. I am now going to go back for every 10 pounds I lose.
~We went out to get tattoos and were unsuccessful as we could not find a tattoo parlor in Cypress Texas.
~Those who attended Friday night are now known to Carrie's BIL according to our bra color.
~TBG brings pretty smokes. I had me a pink, shhhhh don't tell Mom.
~Chocolate pasties are attached with peanut butter.
~TBG makes yummy hovas.
~These bitches fart and burp in front of people, less Kami - of course. And I love it.
~ I got to meet Grandma K - she was awesome. I want to be as hip as she is when I am in my 80s.
~We ate lunch at a restaurant owned by Austinites. Cracked me up.
~You cannot believe how LONG grown women can discuss/laugh/snort about things of an anal nature. They cracked my shit right up - no pun intended.
~My outfit was successful in being comfy and showing off the girls.
~We did end up with tattoos - however, the temp kind. Found out Sweetie, in spite of his arachnophobia, finds a spider on a boob quite sexy.
~I did karaoke - yep, Kami and I sang "never gonna get it" - and we SUCKED!
~Tammy was AWESOME with her karaoke.
~When I miss Sweetie, I drink his favorite beer.
~We met a cool cop in the wee hours of the morning at Whataburger. He was nice and put up with and did not arrest us.

OK there is much more. I promise to post more later, along with more photos. Sweetie had an awesome weekend too. We missed each other so much, but the fun was much needed/appreciated. And Sweetie bought me a pin-hole camera that they sold at his event. I cannot wait to use it.

Now I must go and love on my Sweetie. I missed that man.

Packing

I sit on my bed, computer in lap, of course. Bug is next to me and we are watching the news. OK she isn't watching she is playing with a sticker. She is a night owl. I am grateful for this tonight. It is nice to have a little buddy to help me. I packed. Well, all but my camera - which is charging, toiletries, and a final run down to make sure I have everything on my list. Must remember cash to pay for the limo - told you it would be random tonight.

Sweetie left this afternoon for an awesome Design experience. He was so cute and called me several times on his way. I already miss him. In our 9 years of marriage, we have been apart very few nights. But absence makes the heart grow stronger, right? I saw him during lunch to say goodbye and that was simply wonderful.

So, tomorrow. Tomorrow I meet these cyber-friends. I cannot wait. I need a party weekend. I am so excited. My camera will get a ton of use.

Expect a long update when I get back. For now, I am going to snuggle my little person. Damn, I am going to miss her.

Countdown begins

I realize that the decongestant in my allergy medicine makes me sad. Not depressed fully, but I see the hole and am trying with all my might to side step it. Last night I was on the couch not wanting to move. Sweetie and I planned to get caught up on the laundry. However, when he saw me on the couch he knew I wasn't feeling all that chipper. So he suggested we run to the mall. Mostly to get me out of the house and focused on other things. Well, as he knows me best, it did work. By the time we got back it was time for the Bitches chat and that completed my "get in a good mood" process.

Today it is hitting me that next week at this time I am going to be so very distracted as I will be preparing to leave for the Blowout. My to-do lists are swimming in my head. What do I want to wear? I ordered my t-shirt for the event, but we don't actually wear these when we go out. I might wear it for the drive down there. Do I want a manicure before? A pedicure? What all should I pack? Do I want a new bag? I have read many of these women's blogs and chatted with them. But I do not truly know them. What if they don't like me? How could they not, I am me. What if I don't like them? How could I not, they are hilarious. See how a girl can freak out?

At SXSW Sweetie got some stickers. They represent what you"do". Some are designers, programmers, and an accounting one (the one with the martini - hahaha I am so very funny - see how could they not love me). Anyway, there was also a blogger one. Yes, I am a blogger. For close to three years now I have blogged. Why do I blog? I started because Sweetie had a blog and I was trying to get closer to him. Then I got addicted.

Those who do not blog, do not understand. DarkDiva told us on Saturday that she does not "do blogs". She does not have one and she does not read them. That is cool. She said that she doesn't care how many times someone has a bowel movement. That made me laugh. Sweetie says there are basically two kinds of blogs - 1) those that have a theme (like politics or design) and 2) feed your cat blogs. These are blogs that say when they fed their cat. Yes, I have a "feed my cat" blog. I tell you about my life without a set agenda or theme - other than the theme being me, but it is all about me.

I first blogged as a way to set goals for people to read and maybe make me stick to them - HA what a concept. Then I used it to journal my pregnancy. Now I use it to document my highs and lows with my depression and Graves', being a working mom, and other nonsense. I do not alter what I write because of who might read, though I try not to rant too much about people I love. I am who I am here. And yes, when you are a blogger, you think in terms of what you want to write about next. BestFriend is officially a blogger now :-)

I am not a high profile blogger. I do not receive many comments. No pity party here. I love every comment I receive, but since I don't write for you, I don't expect a comment. But something funny happened along the way in this blogging journey, I met people. I met people I would have never met. I first met Katie on the Expecting board over on ivillage. One of the threads discussed blogs. So, I found her her site. Through her, MamaBee found me. She was the first one to ever blogroll me and I love that. I found the bitches through Katie too. One day she had a "way back Wednesday" photo posted. It was an assignment from TKW. Through reading comments and then reading their sites, I found some wonderful women. The Bitches, it is not a negative term, are the ones I get to meet next week. NEXT WEEK. I cannot wait to put faces and voices to the blogs and photos that I have seen. I am so excited.

Even more importantly, I cannot wait to go. This will be my longest journey alone. I am so excited. All me, baby. All about me doing scary things. All about bringing out the real Missy.

Because it is important, I went to the bank during lunch. No the bank is not the important part, the lunch was. There is a Delaware Subs there so I thought I would try it. While it was good, it was not as good as Thundercloud. Just an FYI.

Walking should pick back up on Monday. My leg is doing so much better, but it is still tender and I hit the scabbing phase. Yucky. Then I will have 4 weeks until Chuys and Daisy. AWESOME. I have not fully decided if after my 5ks if I am going to focus on being a really fast walker or try my attempt at running. I have a spreadsheet on each option. I know, I know, it is how I am.

CPA review is coming up soon and I am so very excited. I know that is sick. But I do love to learn.

And, of course, I am interrupted by work. Ok more later.

Karma Karma

Yesterday, I received an invite to a going away happy hour for the telecom company I worked for - aka where Asshole boss works. I open the invite and see not one name as the guest of honor but SIX. And to top it off the person who sent me the invite also is leaving. Asshole boss was not on the list, not sure what he is going to do. Everyone is jumping ship. Only a year and 2 months since I left, and everyone is leaving due to a buyout. Crazy. And I almost went back there, I would have if AP Manager could have paid me more. 6 months of sick time was awesome. I am so happy she couldn't work with my salary requirements. I am so happy to not be going through that stress. I truly like where I am at. Oh and my temp - the one who filled in for me when I was on maternity leave, she is on the list as well. I will see if I can make it. It would be fun to see my friends again.

Today is a hard day for some reason. I had to work through lunch, which isn't horrible, but I wanted to get out. My food was yummy but I am wanting some junk food. No, I will not give in. I am doing too good to give in. Last night I walked. I walked for 30 minutes at a brisk pace while pushing Bug in the stroller - she slept. I got a good workout. And I got back in time to chat with the Bitches. I love that I am getting to know them better before the blowout. They are some really great women. And now that I have seen Kami drunk on video, I cannot wait to party with her *grin*.

I don't know why I am having a hard day. Maybe it is hormonal. Maybe it is because the weather is just too pretty. Yesterday, Sweetie and I had lunch outside. It was wonderful. Maybe it is because I am just crazy. Hopefully walking will help.

Neutral is not an option. I cannot let days like this get to me. I am stronger than that. I am better than that. I am the one in charge here. And we all know how much I love control.

And why is my mouse picking today to be a pain? Seriously having trouble moving it around. Stupid ball mouse.

Rant

I came on to rant about my Carnaval Costume issues. Still no costume. Idiots. But I don't want to repeat everything that happened during my three hour lunch. Summary I know how credit card machines work as I have used them and skipping my to go order at a fast food place is not acceptable.

Instead, I feel like writing about something else. Me. When I was in HS I wanted to go into psychology. I wanted to help people solve their problems. Then I changed my major to Health and Fitness Management. This was a degree that had kinesology and business management. I wanted to help people get healthy. My dream was to open a gym for women only that people could work out easily and quickly. If only I had the funding at the time, I could be the owner of Curves. As they say, there are no new ideas. How did I end up with two degrees in Accounting? I really like it and I am good at it.

All of my life people have talked to me. Friends would vent to me and ask me advice. Teachers would even talk to me about their personal lives. In hindsight (hindsight is 20/20 - that is for you Sweetie) they were out of place confiding in a student like that. But that is how it is has always been. Whether I am your coworker or even your manager, I find people telling me things that I could use against them if I chose to. Bug's teachers and director confide in me. They vent to me about other teachers and other parents. This is out of line, but I listen, that is what I do. With my current friends I listen, they tell me their secrets, their challenges, their ghosts. And I listen. And I love listening, do not get me wrong.

Yesterday during my review, my boss mentioned that he is there if I need to vent and that it seems that people vent to him a lot. He already commented that I get along with anyone and have a great attitude (this is why people are surprised to hear about my depression). This is true. I was the kid in HS without a real "group", I got along well with the stoners, preps, kickers, skaters, or even the nerds. And I never thought twice about it. My boss also gets along with everyone. I told him that is why I think people vent to us. Because we get along with everyone.

My mother raised me how she was raised. You do not share your dirty laundry. This translates to the fact that I listen, but I rarely vent. I don't complain about Sweetie to my friends. I was raised not to. I only complain about things like that to Sweetie or Mom. The same goes with my depression. I try not to talk about it. I don't want to bring people down. A lot of people did not know about my depression until I started blogging about it. For some reason, this blog is my girlfriend where I can vent. So what you see here on this blog, it is me. It is my life - plain and simple.

Maybe that is why I am close to 700 posts. I feel comfortable leaving my thoughts here for the world to find. And while it is me, and I have some very deep posts, it does not phase me when I find out new people are reading my blog, like MotoDiva's Jeff or DarkDiva's Jeff. However, I know I don't vent back to my friends the way they vent to me. BestFriend and HowieMaui have brought it up. I am working in it. For some reason it is very hard for me. I love to listen, I feel that I help. I think one of the biggest problems, though it is not a problem - rather a hindrance - is that I am so comfortable telling Sweetie anything. I vent to him about girl things, work things, family things, Sweetie things - and once I vent it is pretty much gone. I don't feel like I need to vent any more. In the meantime, keep coming here and learning about me.

I think the other part of the problem is that I am an introvert. I am told all the time that I have the best attitude and am always happy. This isn't wrong. But this is why people are confused when I say I am depressed. I try to have a great outlook on life even when life serves you crap sandwiches. And while I am giggly and happy, I am an introvert. I would rather email than call, I would rather sit in my cube and work and not deal with people. I like to be in the background. If that makes sense. Most days I am very content to simply hang out at home with Sweetie and Bug. I am working on this. I am putting myself out there to new people. That is how I am working on being more of an extrovert, trying new things.

Last night I was a part of the Bitches Chat Night. These are the ladies that I know from their blogs and I will meet in April. Yes, I am going. This is a HUGE step for me, to leave town on my own (without the comfort of Sweetie, other friends, or coworkers) to meet, and party, with strangers. But I think it is important. Sweetie thinks it is important. It is funny. I feel like I know these ladies. Like I have been watching the lives of the cool girls. I don't comment on the sites I read as much as I would like, bad Missy - I know. But I do have several sites that I read on a daily basis. I feel like last night they brought me into their world, the cool girl world. And I cannot wait to meet them face to face. Thank you TBG for bringing me into the group!!! You bitches are wonderful, and cracked my shit right up.