Tuesday, May 31, 2005

In one week, or less, I will be a mom. This is crazy.

I am at work. The training is going well. She has her own computer set up right now so I have a moment to rest my brain before close begins tomorrow. I am so happy that my last days involve close. Being busy is a good thing to make the days go faster.

I have to admit I have hit uncomfortable. I am tired due to lack of sleep last night. I am having trouble getting comfortable in my chair here at work. She is pushing on my stomach today and I could not even finish my sandwich before feeling too full. That combined with back pain shows me that she is coming soon. I just hope she can wait the 7 days.

Tomorrow is our 38-week appointment. This amazes me. This will be our last appointment before she arrives. While I feel like I have been pregnant forever, I also see the end as almost too soon. Luckily, I cannot wait to meet her. My Sweetie will be there with me again, he has not missed a single appointment. We will check to see if she has turned, I do not think she has, and receive the needed information on the upcoming surgery. I am so excited I cannot stand it. Her room is complete, we have everything for her arrival (plus some), and she is at a point where she is considered term.

That is one area where we have been very lucky. For the decorating of the room, the only items we purchased involve the crib, window treatment, paint, and the letters of her name. Everything else consists of gifts from friends and family. My Diva group is hoping to get together this week as one last dinner before her arrival. They want to do Henna on my belly and send me off in style. I think this is a grand idea. My Sweetie and I have Saturday planned as a fully romantic day. Then I am not sure what the plans are for Monday.

I have been in a very reflective state lately. I am sure a more profound post is right around the corner. However, for right now my goal is to get home and rest.

I am in a great mood and cannot wait for the appointment tomorrow. Tomorrow also marks one year since I started my blog. So much is different since then. I am so very happy.

Off to go home, rest, and nest accordingly.

Monday, May 30, 2005

In Love

This weekend was productive, although tiring. We did manage to sleep in good for two of the three mornings. Mom and Brother came over tonight for dinner. Mom is doing good and is ready to go to work tomorrow. Today also involved much reflection on our baby’s room. We are so excited for the arrival. It simply amazes me that she is coming so soon. I cannot believe that I am at the end of my pregnancy. I cannot wait to meet our little one. I cannot wait to see what traits she takes after me and which she takes after her daddy.

My Sweetie and I are doing so good. I love our relationship. We are not perfect, but we accept this and try to improve on a daily basis. The bottom line is that we love each other and love our life together. We cannot wait to begin this next step in our adventure.

My Sweetie spent the afternoon nesting. He was very productive with packing glasses we no longer use, installing the car seat, completing laundry, and day dreaming about our near future. We even developed several roles of film. One was from 1998. It was my Sweetie’s Black Belt Camp photos. It was fun to go through these pictures. This was right after we moved into our second apartment and Sweetie was in his last summer before graduation.

We both have been in a great mood all weekend. As I am typing this, my Sweetie just came to bed almost skipping. I asked why he is in such a good mood. His response was “I am so in love with you and we had a great weekend”. I think that says it all. It is time for sleep.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Butterflies alive in the room

I am so happy to report that we are sooooooo close to having the room completely complete. It is amazing. It looks so different right now from simply this morning. MIL, SIL, and niece came over to help in any way possible. My Sweetie took them up on the offer. First to go up was the window treatment. It completely makes the room. This is my one part of the room; I picked the items and the approach to hanging the items. It makes the room look more like a nursery. The next step in our day involved hanging the decorations. The first items to go up was the witch ball from Best Friend. Quickly to follow were the metal decorations (frogs and butterflies) that SIL and MIL picked out. I simply love it.

Sweetie and I went to our Chinese restaurant tonight. It was good food and great conversation. The owner quickly noticed us and asked how I was feeling. She was so surprised to know we only have 9 days remaining and requested that we bring the baby into the restaurant after she arrives. We assured her that we already decided that her restaurant will be the first we take our JuneBug.

My Sweetie is currently putting the final touches on some letters that spell JuneBug’s name. He wants to get them put up tonight. I do not blame him; this will complete the room until the crib arrives. There is a big storm going on outside. It feels so good to simply be home, enjoying each other, without feeling that we are so behind on everything else.

Update on the crib – we canceled the on-line order. It did not ship when stated and we did not receive any notice as to when it will ship. Yesterday, we went to BabiesRus (I know it is where we started with this whole crib situation) and purchased another crib that my Sweetie felt completely drawn to. The only issue is that they have to ship it from the warehouse and that can take 7-14 days. The salesman assured us that it will be more like 6 days.

AC update – the repairman came out yesterday and got us back into the cool. We were very lucky and one of the cheapest items turned out to be our problem. Do not worry, the universe always evens out for us. We also got my Sweetie’s AC fixed in his car. This cost balanced out the cost of the home AC. Luckily we had the amount in savings, and now we are blowing cool, that is the most important thing.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I am so happy to have a three-day weekend. I have only taken one day off this year and a fun day is much needed. We are having my Mom and Brother over, not sure who else. Mostly we want to get my mom out of the house and around moving in order to test and see if she is ready to go back to work on Tuesday. Of course, the day will begin as today did – sleeping in. I absolutely adore sleeping in with my Sweetie – I know this is going to change very soon. He woke up in the best mood today. He told me that it makes him so happy to wake up next to me every morning. I love him so much.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Fireflies!

My mom is doing well. She had her surgery today and I picked her up at two. While she was groggy and not feel really great, it wasn’t as bad as when she got her gallbladder removed. I feel that she will be up for work on Tuesday. Her goals for the weekend include sleeping, healing, and calling me when she is ready for company.

My Sweetie and I spent the evening at her house “babysitting”.

I looked outside just before dusk and noticed dozens of fireflies. It was so neat. At my house, only a few miles away, we have more frogs this time of year than fireflies. I decided I should go outside. My mom has a nice sized backyard. In the middle of the yard is a rock that has been there since we moved in 28 years ago. This has always, and remains, my rock. I was so attracted by the fireflies that I went outside, sat on my rock, and enjoyed watching nature’s fireworks. I also spent time with my puppy, who is almost 11.

As I played with him, I realized how limber I felt. My relaxin has set in (the chemical to make your body more flexible and prepare for labor). This is very neat. I am feeling good. My Brother even noticed and said that I am not moving like someone who is about to have a baby. I love it. Do not get me wrong, my belly looks like I am about to have a baby, that is for sure. 11 days isn’t long at all, not to mention only 5 days of work.

With the help of our new camcorder, I am hoping to be able to post pictures of the completed nursery this weekend (please remember that Monday is included in this weekend), without the crib of course. This along with purchasing our last couple of items and making sure that all bags are packed, is our goal for this weekend.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I am not perfect!

I am at work. Just finished training my temp for the day. I am letting her read over her notes and such before we go any further. We are covering so much and I am hoping that I will not have a lot to clean up once I come back.

JuneBug is moving quite a bit today and I felt her stretch her body completely, foot down and head up. I am going to miss this feeling. In spite of everything, I really do love being pregnant. Although, having my body back will be nice.

Last night I was reminded again why I am with my Sweetie. A ladybug got into the house. Knowing that we have kitties that would like to play with a ladybug, we knew we had to get her out. He took great care to take her off the wall and outside to safety. It made me smile. He is going to be such a wonderful father.

Last week we had dinner with MotoDiva along with Best Friend and her husband. During this discussion my Sweetie let a dirty little secret of mine out of the bag. I could not believe he would say it. I could see the disappointment in my Best Friend’s eyes. I knew her thinking of me changed forever. Luckily, MotoDiva agreed with me and held similar ghosts in her closet. I do not think it changed Best Friend’s thinking any to hear that I was not alone, I think she would expect it from MotoDiva, but from me was too much.

I am the type of person who wants to own up to imperfections. That has been my focus over the last 8 months. So I am here today, May 26, 2005, to confess to the people of the world my secret. Please do not judge me. It took a lot to begin this post.

I, Missy Tolleson, squeeze the toothpaste from the center. I am not a good person who squeezes from the end. This is what my Sweetie considers to be my only flaw, and it is quite a flaw. We have had separate toothpastes for years – due to my sensitive teeth. However, I think the reality is that he could no longer bring himself to correct my mis-squeezings. When I brought home the new toothpaste, he saw it as an out for him, a chance to have his own tube, an opportunity to ignore this flaw. I thought he was ok with our situation and then it becomes dinner conversation. MotoDiva agreed that my flaw was not a sickness and that it is the only way to handle a tube. I consider her brilliant, perhaps it is something brilliant people do, perhaps we simply do not have time to squeeze from the end. Who am I kidding? I attempted last weekend to be a new person and show my Sweetie that I could squeeze from the end. He watched as I attempted such a feat. He laughed at me and asked if that was hard. The truth is that it was hard. I do not think I am ready at this point in my life to change my ways. Perhaps this acknowledgement, and my friends knowing the truth, will be enough to sink in over time. Until then I will hold my head high knowing that I am not alone in the world of center squeezing.

After much confession, I am tired. I think I will head home now. Tomorrow marks another day of growth and learning.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

37 Week Appointment

First, I must say that having a lap top with an ever growing belly is very interesting.

Today was more training. This is tiring. But with only 7 days remaining of work, I can do it.

This weekend is a three-day weekend. There is so much that we want to do around the house. I believe we when we are not with my Mom, she is having surgery (nothing serious) on Friday, and we will be working on the house and buying the last few items.

Today we went to our 37-week appointment. We had an afternoon appointment rather than our normal morning time-frame. I do not know what got into us. We both were being so silly. We did not care who was in the room with us. We laughed, chatted, kissed, and I laid my head on his shoulder. Then we got goofy. My Sweetie was being like a kid and licked my face. I asked if he was ever this goofy, let alone goofy enough to lick a face, around anyone else. He confirmed that I am the only one who gets to see this crazy side of him. I love it. He makes me laugh so hard. This is going to be hard to deal with after surgery. My belly will hurt to laugh. I guess I will just have to be prepared with a pillow in had to hold against myself whenever he is around.

My doctor, who we love, declared her stubborn.

After the ultrasound, we confirmed that she is still breech. She has however, moved to the other side of my belly. That combined with my internal (I am still completely closed), has my doctor thinking her being breech is a blessing from God. He is afraid that my pelvis would not be big enough for her size (she is estimated to be 6.5 pounds at this point). Of course, a doctor does not know if a woman’s pelvis is big enough until she tries to deliver. He told me that from what he could see that I would have a very hard labor. I believe he fears that it would involve ending in a c-section regardless. We would much rather go in on a planned day and have a quick surgery than have me go through hours of labor only to finish in the operating room. So we are still on for June 7th.

Another good thing about the appointment was the weigh-in. I am sitting at 7.5 pounds gained at this point. YAY

Less than 13 days now.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Where is the cool air??

My temporary help started today. This is very strange, teaching someone my position. However, the plus side is that she seems to be catching on. The training week will be haphazard and random, but next week the fun will begin with close.

Tonight my Sweetie and I worked on the living room and cleaned out JuneBug’s drawers. Unfortunately, after a short trip to purchase a couple of items for our Baby’s room, we came home to a warm house. Our AC seems to not be working. This is one part of home ownership that sucks. We cannot simply call the landlord to take care of it. I hope that we can get it fixed very soon. It is already getting hot around here.

I cannot believe in two weeks we will have our baby girl. This amazing journey is almost over, of course only to begin another adventure. We have our 37 week appointment tomorrow afternoon. They will give me another ultrasound to see if she has flipped. I do not believe that she has, but the doctor wants to give her every chance.

My Sweetie continues to be wonderful. I cannot believe how lucky I am. He truly adores me. He is as excited and nervous as I am about JuneBug’s arrival.

Less than 2 weeks until the surgery and only 8 days remaining of work.

Monday, May 23, 2005

How could someone replace me?

Today has been interesting. I am intensely aware of everything happening with my body. After last nights BH (Braxton Hicks), I know she really does hold the cards at this point.

After finding out that I had not eaten my lunch at my normal time, my Sweetie asked if we could have lunch together. He simply wanted to be near me and said he missed me. I love requests like this. We headed out to meet for a late lunch. While walking up the stairs in the back to get to my car, I felt pains like last night, bad BH but nothing that caused me to stop moving altogether. I have to assume that is what it was since I did not have another, let alone anything within 5 minutes apart. Needless to say, I did not park in the back when I returned. In fact, I did something I never would do; I drove through the garage and after not finding a spot, decided to park in visitor parking. I would love to see someone try to yell at me for this, hehe.

I am so tired today. I cannot wait to go home and take a short nap. She sure is zapping me these last few weeks. Her movement is more active and obvious on a daily basis. I can tell that she is getting cramped inside me.

I cannot believe that I am 37 weeks pregnant, she is considered term, although the official gestation is another 3 weeks. We simply cannot wait to meet her. 35 weeks ago our life changed forever. We knew at that point that things would never be the same. Everything is so much better. I cannot wait to embrace this next step. We are so ready. Even if everything is not perfect, we have hit the point of wanting to just meet her. Everything else will fall into place as needed.

I just found out that my work for a temp to cover my items while I am out. This freaks me out so much. I know they need help, but I worry that she will out perform me. I know my job is secure for 12 weeks while I am out. But I still worry. I know the sooner she starts the sooner it is ok if JuneBug comes early. I also know that the better I train her the better I appear. I just don’t want to baby-sit for a week before the action picks up. I know I am being silly. It will all work out.

Another fabulous weekend comes to a close

It is late. We just got back from MotoDiva’s. I am currently drinking water to ease some Braxton Hicks.

This weekend was so wonderful. Yesterday, Terry and MIL got the fan painted and mounted – it looks great. Then Sweetie and I went to Barnes & Noble to get some much anticipated “first year” reading material. Following we went to Frys. After a couple of hours at the store, we made our decision and purchased a digital camcorder. It is awesome. We finished our day at Joe’s Crab Shack with a tasty dinner outside. It was one of those days that remind me how happy I truly am.

Today we went to the grocery store, as normal. When we got home I apparently looked very tired as my Sweetie told me to take a nap before heading to MotoDiva’s. It was exactly what I needed. He was wonderful and took care of laundry and such while I slept. I awoke on my own (he was going to let me sleep until I woke up, regardless of the time), and Sweetie wanted to co-shower before our outing, I know TMI. I can’t say no to his sweet face.

We made it to MotoDiva’s to find Best Friend, her husband, Sam, and another couple and their 1.5 year old (I don’t think I have mentioned them since December). The evening held good conversation, great food (MotoDiva even had watermelon and had no idea on the wonderful impact on my swollen feet), and playing a board game.

Sweetie brought our new toy to play with. Hopefully, the shots came out looking pretty good. He was in a very “all about Missy” mood today. At the grocery store, he kept coming up and loving on me and the belly. This kind of behavior did not end at the grocery store. It continued throughout the day with even my first attempt at using the camcorder was at MotoDiva’s of him smiling and signing “I love you always”.

The Braxton Hicks seem to have subsided. That means I can go to bed. Sleep is needed, as long as the heartburn does not wake me up as it has the last few nights. It is ok, I am not complaining, any night where I get to sleep next to my Sweetie is wonderful, even if it does consist of heartburn and uncomfortable pains.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

I love this room

Currently I am sitting on the floor in JuneBug’s room and sorting through all the clothes she already has. I believe her wardrobe to be more extensive than my own. Of course, I am taking a moment to write my thoughts.

My Sweetie and MIL took the futon to my Brother’s. It is no longer in her room, YAY!!! They are currently hanging JuneBug’s fan. This is very important as this room gets warm quickly.

Crib update – the delivery date is still set for June 2-6. Since she is coming on the 7th, we have to hope it comes before the 6th.

Last night was a great visit. We played games while not keeping score. The evening provided much entertainment and relief as I sorted through the mess in our living room. I picked a meal fit for royalty – hotdog crescent rolls and beans. It was what I wanted.

Today I am hoping to get a lot of the room re-loaded as well as a date night tonight. Of course, I have great expectations and then am reminded of my large belly and exhaustion. It helps tremendously that my Sweetie understands this and lets me set the pace. We simply want everything ready for our JuneBug.

It is really happening. We are so close to meeting our angel. The last eight months have been amazing. Not only with experiencing life grow inside me, but also my Sweetie and mine’s relationship. He takes the best care of me.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Nap Time

I am hitting the end of this pregnancy ride. She is taking her toll on me. The last couple of nights I have had to get up twice to pee. Also, I am so tired. I noticed this all week. I have been taking naps after work. This morning she woke me up with her movements, normally I wake up before she does. I know it is getting cramped for her. I keep telling her to hold on - less than three weeks.

Since she can come anytime if she so chooses, we are using this weekend to make sure we have everything that we want to have for her. We need to purchase a digital camcorder, bottles, and a changing table still. I cannot wait to get her room complete.

This weekend is going to be wonderful.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Wonderful Finds Today

~ Watermelon helps reduce swelling and tastes so yummy

~ My boss being out of the office for two days makes for a lower stress workday

~ Lunch with my Sweetie is always wonderful, especially when I am told how beautiful I am

~ Dinner with Best Friend, her husband, MotoDiva, and her daughter is a perfect evening.

~ Flip-flops that light up as I walk are a perfect gift

~ A beautiful butterfly to add to JuneBug’s room makes me happy

~ My belly touches the steering wheel and shows me how much she has grown

~ A busy upcoming weekend makes me feel alive: Friday with Brother, SIL, and Mom coming over; Saturday is a date day and night planned; and Sunday is normal shopping with mom followed by dinner and games at MotoDiva’s with the whole group

~ Life is good

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Less than three weeks

Since finding out about the scheduled c-section, things have been crazy. While she could choose to go anytime and the appointment is only 5 days before her due date, this seems more concrete, only 14 more days of work (counting today) before my maternity leave. This makes for a little craziness as they focus on finding a temp to take care of two closes while I am out and one audit. I contemplated taking some time off before the scheduled day, but fear I would just go crazy. So I will be at work until June 6th, which is nice, and return August 30th.

I am a very emotional person. And seeing this wonderful day approaching is making me even more emotional. Although our living room looks like a BabiesRus threw up all over the place, we are ready. It is amazing the items that we received from friends and family. She is already such a lucky baby.

The best part hit me yesterday. She will be here for Father’s day. Her actual due date was one week before and I feared that she would be late. However, we know that this father’s day will be one to celebrate. Now I have the fun part, deciding what she should wear for Father’s day, Fourth of July, and her Daddy’s 30th b-day. I am so excited to have the summer off from work. And due to the c-section, I will be paid 100% for the full 12 weeks.

This past week has been surreal. Between graduation, seeing the ultrasound, and making plans for the upcoming surgery, it is hard to take in. Not to mention getting the room painted, I should post photos once we have it complete. Even without everything “in place” the room looks completely different. It is quickly becoming my favorite room in the house.

My Sweetie and I have three weekends remaining until her arrival. We want to make sure to have a great and romantic time, without wearing me out too baldy. This weekend we have the Arboretum and Putt-putt golf on the schedule. Should be interesting since I can’t see my feet.

I am at work, not wanting to get into anything too deep since I plan to sneak out fairly soon. All I want to do is go home, wash and fold little clothing, squeeze my Sweetie when he gets home with all my might, and have a nice dinner. That is one thing, when I get emotional, whether it is sad or happy – all I want to do is be near my Sweetie. He always makes it better. He knows what to do. He knows when I just need to be held and he knows when I need to laugh. He knows me better than any other does, and I know him better than any other does.

I cannot wait to see our baby, the combination of him and me, the results of our love. It is amazing. He will stop and talk to our baby no matter where we are. In the middle of Target on Monday he decided to talk to her, he did not care who saw or what they thought. He is already so in love with her.

Monday, May 16, 2005

22 days remain

Please note the change in my ticker. My expectant date has changed.

Today was our 36-week ultrasound and appointment. She is beautiful. We saw long legs, big feet, and what appear to be chubby cheeks (yay).

The only “off” thing that we saw was her positioning. She is breech. I personally think she does not want to have all the blood rushing to her head or that she wants to make sure that she comes out with a pretty head.

During our visit the doctor confirmed that my cervix is still closed, this is very good. He also let us know that only 8-10% of babies flip after 36 weeks.

So what does this mean?

This means that we know when our little girl will arrive (pending any early arrival attempts on her part). Right now, the c-section is scheduled for June 7, 2005 at 1:00pm.

This is nothing wrong or anything scary. Breech can be scary if it is not known until delivery. However, we know and can prepare accordingly. We trust our doctor completely. Our nurse today even had a c-section due to a breech little girl. I will receive weekly sonograms until June 7 to see if she turns on her own. If she does not then we know when she will arrive. This is good for a planner like me. This is also good for both of our places of business. It is easier to say that we will be out starting on June 7 than to say in a general sometime in June. What it honestly boils down to is that my Sweetie and I want her here and healthy, we do not care about the path to get her here.

We are happy. We cannot wait to meet her. Yesterday, Sweetie and MIL accomplished painting the whole room. It looks amazing; it is a completely different room. We still need to put up some decorations, receive the crib, and move out the futon and everything will be complete.

Today was simply wonderful. I love when my Sweetie and I go to a doctor’s appointment (he hasn’t missed one yet). I love him so much and am so excited that we are starting our family.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Graduation Success

Yesterday was so wonderful. We made it to the Frank Erwin Center in plenty of time for me to line up. I was very happy to see three of my Capstone teammates at the ceremony – I had to talk them into attending. Everyone loved my cap and the “baby on board” sign. Apparently, the cap made it very easy to spot me in the crowd. Much like my undergraduate ceremony, I sat in between two very tall men. And in case you don’t know this about me, I am short.

The ceremony was prefect – in my opinion. The MBA’s went first. I felt so great walking that stage. After getting my official photo taken, I saw my Sweetie waiting on the sidelines to take his own photo. Then I walked past the faculty section and heard “Missy, Missy”. It was my undergraduate mentor. I am so happy she was there to see me complete this journey. She is the one who helped me to decide my route after completing my BBA.

While I did get teary eyed, I did not officially cry until I hugged my Mother, then again, when I finally hugged my Sweetie. I am so very lucky to have such support throughout this process. Without the help of everyone, I would not have my graduate degree.

My Brother heard my name as it was called thanks to cell phone technology. DarkDiva, her oldest, SIL, her boyfriend, niece, MIL, Grandpa, Cousin, and Mother cheered me on during the ceremony. That made it so wonderful.

The best part was as we began the recessional and I looked to the audience. Everyone was heading out except my Sweetie. He stood strong waiting to see me leave. It was such a wonderful sight. Then as we left the main floor, I looked up and he was waiting to take pictures of me walking past. I received many kisses and “I am so proud of you” comments through out the day. He is my biggest fan.

We headed from the ceremony to get our food and to start my little gathering. The food was so good. Brother showed up after his treatment and we had many laughs, as normal. I had several other people stop by during the day including Anna and her 7 month old Amelia, Chris and P, Uncle along with Cousin Leanne and her 16 month old, and DarkDiva with her two little ones and her husband. The day was as I hoped, relaxed and fun. I really did have a great time.

Now we can focus on our little one’s room. My Sweetie is going to try to get MIL to help him paint. I hope that this will work out. I love it when they work on projects together. I will go grocery shopping with Mom and come home to pack my bags. It is close enough to my due date that I need to have everything ready in case she decides to make an early entrance.

Here’s to great weekends that remind us about the surrounding support and love.

I am truly blessed.

Friday, May 13, 2005

No more APA

In less than 24 hours, I will walk for my MBA. I cannot wait. Tonight will consist of cleaning that we did not complete yesterday – I had the worst heartburn ever. I will also make sure to pamper myself tonight. While my Sweetie entertains Cousin, I will take a bubble bath with a facial and complete the evening with a manicure and pedicure. I also have to make sure to iron my gown and set everything out for tomorrow morning. I have this fear that I will take the wrong tassel. Not that anyone would notice, but it does have the wrong year.

The wait is over. My grade finally posted. It is over. No longer will I feel drawn to check the school’s site a hundred times a day to see if anything posted. Now what sucks is that this professor does not consider an A to be a 90-100%. Nope, in order to get an A you have to earn 93% of the grade. This is very strange to me. All my other classes used the normal 10-point scale. Therefore, the final grade is a B for me. I am not unhappy. I have been so distracted this semester. I am so happy it is over. However, I did get excited because I saw my numeric grade before the alpha grade and I thought I had the A. You know what? It does not matter. I am graduating. That is all that matters.

Graduation practice was good. My school is so awesome and let me know not only which side I will sit on, but also which row and seat number. I will be on the right side, row 2 (counting from the back) and in seat #6. Tonight Sweetie will construct my cap so everyone knows which graduate is the most important (me).

Most likely, the next time I will be on campus will be when I pick up my diploma. I will have a little girl with me to share in my enjoyment.

Everything is really hitting me. Today some of my co-workers took me to lunch. My Sweetie was so wonderful to join in the celebration. Then it hit me. All pregnancy I have said that I am holding out on my moderate wine allocation for graduation. I turned to my Sweetie and said, “I get wine tomorrow”. Graduation has been so far in the future, especially when I postponed it a semester. Moreover, throughout this pregnancy, I have always said that I will graduate when I am 36 weeks pregnant. Guess what? We are there. The distant future is upon us. The even better part? I am ready.

Do not worry. I am not as together as I may “sound”. Graduation is at 10am. This means that everything needs completion tonight as there will not be time tomorrow. I am currently making a list of items to pick up tonight for tomorrow’s celebration. I have a list on the kitchen counter already listing what I want done tonight. Luckily, my Sweetie knows this drill and is already sending me reassuring messages to keep me calm.

The best part about this graduation and my after party are my expectations. The last party was on a larger scale, even though we did not cater the food like this time. This time I do not care about the decorations or the cake. This time I do not care if everything is perfect, although “close to” would be nice. All I want is a gathering with people who want to celebrate. I do not care if the party goes all night, or if it only lasts a few hours. I simply want to be around those who love me and to enjoy myself. I want a celebration where putting my feet up and chatting is an option. I want a party that is active and alive, but calm enough that I can go and get kisses from my Sweetie whenever I feel the need.

I want to celebrate my accomplishment. I want to celebrate no more papers in APA format.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Graduation Rehearsal

I am currently on campus for my graduation rehearsal. This will be my last time to log into one of my school’s computers. In less than an hour the rehearsal begins. This is so strange for me. My graduation in December 2002 was wonderful. It was small and on campus. This one is larger and held at the Frank Erwin Center. Strangely enough this is actually a UT building. This graduation seems so much larger. I looked over the stats for graduation. Looks like 495 total graduates with 80 with their Masters, 115 from New College (how I earned my BBA), and 300 traditional students. I am getting so excited.

I have worked so hard for this and cannot believe that I am at the end. Of course I still have the CPA to sit for, and that requires a lot of studying, but no longer will I have to attend classes. I will no longer have to have “current student of MBA program”. I will be able to write BBA-2002, MBA-2005. This is totally awesome.

I stopped by the mall on the way here. The intention was to get myself a gift for my hard work. I could not focus on me. I tried, but it did not work. I also tried to think of a gift for my Sweetie, again I fell flat. However, I didn’t walk out empty handed. My “Baby Font” (as they call her at work) received a gift. All through lunch I could not stop thinking about her and how close we are meeting her. I want to hold her, take care of her, and teach her to be a good person. I cannot wait. Best Friend thinks she will come early. I would like that. However, I would like for her to wait until after the 22nd so we can get her room complete. But that is a stress for after graduation.

Now this is normally where I would write about my grade not posting yet. However, I know that I am graduating and focusing on this fact instead. This happened with my BBA as well, I did not know until the afternoon before graduation about my poetry grade. But since I am not bringing it up and not focusing on it, it does not matter, heehee.

I also wrote a list of things that have to be done for my graduation party, the items that would alter the party. I wrote to my good friend Chris and told him that I want people to come to the party for me and not to see how clean my house is. Of course he replied quickly with, “But then how will we judge you?” He is a good friend. This party will be very different than my last graduation. He and I got very drunk and pictures to prove it. Nothing sexual mind you, as I am not the gender he prefers.

Oh and yesterday I did order the food for the party. So that should be all taken care of. Once we get everything ready tonight and tomorrow night I will be set. And Cousin is coming into town tomorrow so if my Sweetie needs any help with things that I cannot do, he will have someone else to ask.

Now I am off, to rehearse the graduation.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Must Blog

I am very grateful to have a blog right now. It is a place I can go and “talk” when I need to. This morning I found out that my Best Friend’s grandpa passed away. I called to talk to her and unfortunately set her crying. This, of course, set me crying. She told me that she could not talk to me because she was at work and could not keep everything out of her mind if I am on the phone. She told me she loves me and promises to keep me up to date. This means that she and her husband will not make it to my graduation or party. I completely understand.

This is bringing up many emotions. Emotions of when I lost my Grandpa in 1998. I understand what she is feeling. I want to make it better for her. I am crying now because of her loss. And, like her, I am at work trying to keep a straight face. If they do not leave town tonight we are going to have dinner. I hope she allows this. I want to see her.

The even worst part? My mom left for a business trip this morning. I did not realize how quickly I turn to my mother when I am upset. Sure enough, when I found out and after I chatted with my Sweetie about it, I wanted to chat with her, call her, e-mail her or something.

This weekend is a very wonderful celebration. I will graduate with my MBA. This is huge. However, the next day marks eight years since we lost my Sweetie’s father. While we were not yet married when he passed away, I consider him my father-in-law. This is always a hard time. I hope that graduation will help. However, death of any kind makes the time even harder.

I remember that night as if it were yesterday; holding my Sweetie, watching him rip apart a washcloth, watching his emotions, feeling him cling to me during this time. Everyday I am thankful to wake up next to my Sweetie. I am so grateful for the family that we have. I hope that they know how important they are to me.

I am overcome with so many emotions right now. All I want is to be in my Sweetie’s arms with my head on his chest.

Please make sure that you let all family and friends know how important they are to you. You never know when it will be too late.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

35 week appointment

Luckily, right before going to sleep last night, I remembered that we had a doctor’s appointment this morning. How could we forget? It is our brains this week. I realized on Sunday that I did not have any notes to remind me about Graduation rehearsal on Thursday. Things are just so busy. When will my brain come back?

But we did make it to the “oh so early” appointment. 35 weeks baby, this is the home stretch. I did the normal pee, weigh, blood pressure, uterus measurement (outside of belly), and Q&A. Everything looks great and the Nurse Practitioner gave me an A+. My uterus is measuring right at 35 weeks so all is well.

I love our house. This time every year, we have the same experience. Multitudes of frogs come to live in our ditch. I like frogs, as done my Sweetie. However, the best part is at night when they decide to “sing”. Last night I was lucky enough to fall asleep in my husband’s arms while listening to this song.

Rumor on Friday was that I might get this Friday off from work – due to long hours with quarter close and the audit. However, that changed today. Instead, I am getting Thursday off. This actually works out better. I am going to use it as one last day on campus. If I took Friday off I would stay home and clean all day, probably over do it, and not feel superb on Saturday. This way, since I have to be on campus at 3:30 anyway for graduation rehearsal, I will not overdo it. I plan to go to campus early and do a video tour for my JuneBug.

Last night was so much fun. My Sweetie was playing on his computer, he installed Tiger on Sunday, and I was in the bedroom with my feet up. With the install, his AIM also upgraded. This gave him the ability that I have had, since my computer is a newer version, with talking over messenger. Since my Sweetie wanted to be able to chat with me, we put it to use last night. We are so silly. In the same house (and not a big house mind you) and we were talking over instant messenger using our microphones and AIM. He absolutely loved it and said he wants to do this while he games. I think it is great. He also wants to finally get a webcam so he can see our JuneBug when I am home with her during my maternity leave. I think we are one of the last to actually get a webcam. It goes on the list of digital camcorder and camera that we also need/want to document our JuneBug’s life.

Tonight we are going out for a last minute shopping spree with my mom for her big business trip tomorrow. Then we get to clean the house. We are running out of time for the graduation.

To top off my day, my Sweetie imed me this: i love you most; i have always loved you too, since the day we met, i knew i would be with you

Monday, May 09, 2005

You say there was a hot tub?

Yesterday marked an important day. First, it was Mother’s day. As a very big surprise to me, I actually received cards, flowers, and gifts. The day was laid back with sandwiches and games. My brother was able to make it and I even convinced him to start a blog. It really was a great day. We decided that we will tape the ceremony so he won’t miss anything. I am also going to try and have my cell phone on me during the ceremony so I can chat a little with my family and friends in the audience.

Yesterday also marked 13 years since I met my Sweetie. We met at a party of mutual friends. He asked me to join him in the hot tub. To sum it up, a white tee-shirt and a long conversation later, I was very impressed with this very interesting boy. He went home and announced to his parents that he met the woman that he was going to marry.

We have been together through so much. While we are different people than we were 13 years ago, there are many aspects of our characters that are the same. I owe the last 13 years to the boyfriend that broke up with me hours before the party and to the ex-boyfriend who took me to the party (and told Sweetie “the short one’s mine”). My Sweetie adores me. I can’t help but admit that I love him so much.

Today I worked from home. I managed to pull a muscle in my upper back while sleeping last night. While I was in pain, I was able to situate myself with my computer and proceed to accomplish my needed work. The best part? I completed everything that I needed to in the office. And to make today even better my Sweetie came all the way home to have lunch with me. This is harder when I am at home because it is a 30 minute drive minimum each way. However, he wanted to see me and I am not going to say no to that.

Now it is the end of the day and my back is feeling much better. I need it to, only 4 nights to get the house ready for graduation. I am getting so excited. If only my grade was posted. But that is ok. I can wait. Sure I am a patient person, this should not be a problem, heehee.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Can't Get Sick

I need to stop making lists and expecting that I will accomplish everything on said list.

Yesterday as I was heading home, I started feeling like a cold was coming on.

OH side note, I can now work from home. They finally set me up correctly. This is a huge relief as well as a novelty. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Last night my Sweetie and I had dinner with my Mom and Brother. It was a great conversation. Unfortunately, I found out that my brother will not be able to make it to my graduation ceremony but he will for the party. His reason is extremely valid and related to his health and such so I am not mad or upset.

This morning I woke up early to help Sweetie to prepare for his day of manual labor. I noticed that I still was not feeling well. However, I sat down and made a “do or die” list for myself while he was away. After having breakfast with my Mom and buying my graduation outfit, I came home. The outfit is cute and comfortable as well as matches my pregnant flip flop type sandals. I was not up for anything right away so I tried on the new outfit with my cap and gown. It looks good. Then I curled into bed for a nap. Apparently, my body does believe that I am coming down with something as I slept without a problem for three hours. Normally my afternoon naps will be about an hour. Now I am looking at 4:30 and needing to start getting ready for DarkDiva’s at 5. I am feeling a bit better, but not real motivated to do anything, let alone everything, on my list.

It will all work out. I simply have to have faith.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Progress

Today my Sweetie and I had lunch again at our favorite place. He is so wonderful. It was another great lunch. We ate early because he had to go to an offsite event right after lunch. The best part was that at the event he was directing the people into the event. When it got slow he would call, “just to hear my voice”. He has called several times telling me how much he misses me and such. I love him so much.

Well today is the third day where I noticed that I can breath easier than before, this mean she is moving down. This has me thinking. While she might be late, I keep thinking she is coming early and I want to be prepared. All I ask is that she waits until after graduation.

We are going to DarkDiva’s house tomorrow night to pick up some items that we are borrowing for JuneBug. Tomorrow during the day, my Sweetie is helping his Uncle build a deck. Then next weekend is graduation. Due to his workouts, and busy weekends, he has not played FFXI as much as he would like. I hope he gets an opportunity this weekend. During the week next week, we will be getting the house ready for the party as well as his workouts. This makes little time for his game. I will make sure that he gets the opportunity to interact with his friends at some point to make up for everything else he is doing for JuneBug and me. He deserves it. Not sure how much he will want to play once JuneBug arrives. His playing voluntarily changed so much since just getting pregnant, I cannot imagine how it will change once she comes. I do not mind him playing this game; it is a hobby that he likes. Plus, it gives me a chance to pamper myself or, when I still had school work, to complete homework.

WARNING PREGNANT TMI SECTION:

Speaking of pampering, last night while my Sweetie was working out, I decided it was time to do something about what a pregnant blog buddy refers to as “the down there forest”. If you have never been pregnant, you might not realize that as your belly grows, your ability to see certain parts of your body disappears. This makes normal maintenance and such difficult. Not that any of you want to know, but in the past I have had every “hair style” that you can think of with this location. I was fed up last night. Due to being 5 weeks away from my due date, I figured the best thing to do would be to eliminate everything. I have experience eliminating everything with a razor, but not over a large belly. So I needed an alternative method. I used the bikini nair. It worked. That stuff rocks. Stinks, but rocks. One less thing for me to worry about before my internal exams begin on the 16th. Sorry but my doctor is cute so I want to look good for him, LOL. My Sweetie was quite surprised by the results, and quite happy. I feel quite accomplished and sexy.


END OF PREGNANT TMI SECTION

Today is proving to be a wonderful day. My Sweetie’s mood was back to happy last night. That is all that I needed, to see him smile and laugh. Other than feeling freaked out about getting everything ready for our new roommate, I am so very happy right now.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Emotions and Worry

I did not post yesterday due to actually working, LOL. It was my busiest day of close and I accomplished what I needed to, and on time.

My emotions are high. I have noticed some changes the last week or so. For example, I am getting up to pee during the night (new for my pregnancy) and I am extra weepy.

Last night, while Sweetie worked out, I listed to a song my mom recommended called “House at Pooh Corner”. I cried and cried as I listened to it.

This morning it was an e-mail about Mothers that got me teary eyed.

Am I emotional? Yes. Am I depressed? No. This is a different emotional state. This is completely related to the pregnancy.

When someone you love so much hurts or has a bad day, you want to be able to make it all better. This is even truer when it is someone who normally is very happy. My Sweetie is having a bad day at work. This kills me. I am so happy that we have AIM to use to chat all day long, I hope I am helping his day improve somewhat.

I am getting so close to my due date. Only 5.5 weeks remain. I am hitting a freaked out phase. Worried about getting everything where we want it in the house, getting everything worked out for maternity leave, worried if I will get to come back to my current position (even though this one is completely unfounded), worried about my Sweetie being able to take off from work, getting my bag packed, getting the car seat (must have one to take JuneBug home), and so on and so on. This is not rational. This is not a calm woman thinking. This is a woman who has had several coworkers notice that JuneBug is lower than she used to be. Deep Breath!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Happiness is:

1. Watching a 29-year-old man on his knees guiding a frog to a more luxurious spot in our front yard
2. Holding each other during our favorite show and having a wonderful conversation during the commercial breaks
3. Picking my Sweetie up from his workout, this should be two happiness points due to how good he looks
4. Having kitties who love you enough to escort you to the bathroom at 3 in the morning
5. Wearing pre-pregnancy underwear at 7.5 months pregnant
6. Having a best friend who can make you laugh out loud when you are supposed to be working
7. A round belly with an active baby inside
8. Being able to discuss anything with your spouse
9. Carpooling in order to spend an extra hour together
10. Discussing how excited we are to meet our little girl

Monday, May 02, 2005

Butterfly Kisses

Today I went to pick up some lunch since we did not make it to the grocery store yesterday as planned. My co-worker buddy decided it would be best to ride with me, isn’t the babysitting instinct great when you are this pregnant.

As always, I parked in the back and have to walk through a courtyard and up a couple of flights of stairs to get to the parking area. I also work in a beautiful area surrounded by trees, bushes, and flowers.

We step out of the building to get to the car. While we were in the courtyard, a big butterfly flew past me, turned around, and flew past me again. I said “Hello” as I always do – and never care how crazy I look. I also say “Hello” to the kitties around work.

The butterfly landed right in front of my feet. No worries for harm because I always stop to watch a butterfly until it flies out of sight. Since this one landed right in front of me and showed no sign of fear, I bent down and offered it my finger.

It climbed right on. I was shocked. This beautiful butterfly was on me. Of course, this is the one time I forgot my camera at my desk. I began to walk and he stayed on my finger. He stayed on my finger all the way up the stairs while licking me with his curly tongue. I got to the top and knew I had to let him go. I explained to him that he would not like my car. I took him to a bush to let him go. He finally left, apparently he was quite happy on my finger, and flew back down the stairwell to where I found him. If I had been alone, I would have sat under the tree and waited for him to leave on his own time.

This was an amazing experience. Butterflies always mean wonderful things for me. They help me through marathons, with job interviews, and to know that my life is going in the right direction.

This was an even bigger sign. This made me so incredibly happy. I need to look into butterfly attracting plants so JuneBug can know how beautiful they are.

This was such a profound symbolic experience that I cannot express into words appropriately how it made me feel. To have such a delicate creature feel safe with me.

This makes me think of my life. I am so happy with every aspect. When I came back, I could not wait to tell my Sweetie. He reacted the same way I did. Just another sign that he is my soul-mate. I love this man unconditionally. He is the most amazing person and we are even more amazing together. I am thankful everyday that I met him almost 13 years ago. But that is another story, for another day……..

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Weekend Check In

This weekend has been so wonderful so far – and it is not finished yet.

Friday night’s dinner was wonderful. The dinner was in celebration of me completing my schoolwork. MotoDiva told me several times at the end of the dinner how beautiful I look. She went on to explain that I have the pregnancy glow.

We awoke Saturday to thunderstorms. While they did not last too long, we decided it was best to not chance it and postponed the wildflower center for another day. Instead, we filled the day with spending time together and looking for items for our JuneBug. We did find a couple of items that my Sweetie could not live without. Our day finished with dinner out. Unfortunately, JuneBug was not being nice about the situation and I felt sick during most of the meal. However, we did not let this ruin our day in anyway.

Which brings me to today, Sunday. We slept in this morning, knowing that our sleep-in days are numbered. After my Sweetie made me breakfast, we headed to Sherwin Williams. If you have never purchased paint here, it is time to give it a try. We could not believe the difference in the quality of service when compared to Lowe’s paint department. We walked out with the exact color that we wanted for JuneBug’s room. This started the day with a very accomplished feeling.

After lunch, we went to the Container Store. Not that someone else is nesting other than me, but somehow we ended up getting an organizer for our batteries. He says we need it. It not only organizes the batteries, it also checks to see if they have a charge. Clever? Sure. Absolutely needed? No. (my Sweetie would like me to write that he still believes it to be absolutely needed – or rather very beneficial). The funny thing is that the charge tester runs on batteries that the organizer does not hold. Good thing this contraption came with batteries included.

But that wasn’t the best part of the trip. We also bought some photo containers. As we were checking out, the cashier said “oh are these for all the baby pictures you will be taking?” My Sweetie gets this astonished face and asks, “How do you know?” I giggle and point to my belly and explain that I come with a sign at this point. He begins to laugh. As I have said before, my Sweetie’s laugh is the most wonderful sound. I am very lucky to hear it daily. While he was a little embarrassed, he was not upset by the situation. He even went on to say to the cashier “it is like when you are wearing a name tag and someone says hello Terry, and you are like ‘how do you know?’” The cashier laughed along with us. I probably was laughing the most (esp since I am 7.5 months pregnant and it is VERY obvious at this point). She then needed our phone number and made sure to say “Terry, can I have your phone number”, instead of just asking in general. It was all very funny.

We went to Lowe’s and Target after a small break at home following the Container Store. I learned that a pregnant woman will, in fact, sit down anywhere in an effort to relieve her back and aching feet. I did this at Target. This is a bad sign to some employees when a pregnant woman is found on the ground. I had one employee come up and make sure I was ok. I replied great before realizing that I am sure he was worried that I was about to have a baby in his department.

We are back at home for a little bit before dinner. As I write this, Sweetie is combing the house for batteries to organize. Apparently, we have plenty of AAs. We never have a dull moment in this house.

Although it was strange to not see my Mom this weekend, I have enjoyed my Sweetie greatly.