Bringing Sexy Back

Time to go deep again. My boss is on vacation so this week is crazy busy. Mostly self directed busy because I want him to come back and be like "WOW Missy is THE best employee ever, I will keep ignoring her coming in late and leaving early." But still, I find myself wanting to post today. Today is a rainy day and that always makes me look inward.

I said in an earlier post that I have been doing a lot of thinking. Well here is part of it. 2001 was a very bad year for us. Between lay offs and bad jobs and stress it was not good. I was lucky and was only out of work for 1 week. Sweetie was out for 16. This was a huge turning point in my life. I stayed in school through the stress- I worked full time while earning both my BBA and my MBA. My thyroid broke in the beginning of 2002. I gained weight. I was stressed. Life became about getting by and not planning. Things are changing. Now I am not saying the last 6 years have been completely horrible. Not in the least. I earned degrees, met some wonderful friends, completed two half marathons for LLS, and had my beautiful daughter.

However, I noticed something about me. I was focused on school. Then I was focused on school and pregnancy. Then I was focused on new baby. See where I am going. See how you can lose yourself. I realized that my clothes are all "get-by" clothes. Except for a couple of outfits for special occasions, all my clothing is the minimal amount to get by because of wanting to lose weight and not wanting to spend money on clothing that I will only shrink out of. My hair has even been the same way. I used to keep my hair short. Then I grew it out. I have really only cut my hair on a needed basis. I am not sure what I want to do with my hair, but I want something fun. The same goes for the house. Our house got out of control at this time, mostly because who can find the time to do housework when working 40+ hours a week and attending school full time. And now I see the CPA review coming up and worry about focusing on that and losing myself more. Nope, I cannot allow that.

I feel that I have been in a hole since 2001. No more. The ripple effect from that year is over. No longer. No longer will I think certain things were better before then.

So I am in a process of working on my self-esteem and me. I want to feel sexy and wonderful and most importantly me again. I am reclaiming control of all areas of my life. No longer am I going to settle for control over certain areas. I am going to live life today and not for "when" happens. In the past it was: when I finished school, when I had Bug, when I found a good job, when I passed the CPA, when I went into remission, when I lost weight. No more whens. Only now. Living for now.

My plan?

• I have five weeks until CPA review begins. I am going to use this time to work on me and my house. No miracles expected, no real goals. But I am going to focus on spending some time on me everyday. I am hoping to get the house in order. Nothing perfect, just more under control.
• As far as the weight, I am still trying to lose it. I am focusing on eating healthy and wonderful foods and my walking. I want to add yoga as well because I need more flexibility - but no rush. The goal is to move daily.
• Clothing, as I am an accountant, I cannot bring myself to buy new clothing yet. However, I am going to focus on accessories and such that make me feel special. That being said, I will be purchasing new outfits for the Blog Blowout and have already started the process of finding a great sundress for SIL#2's wedding.
• Hair, like I said, I am not sure what I want to do. I love the ponytail ease and look. However, I have thick hair and that makes for some head sweat. I am thinking of going shorter for the summer, like a short bob. Color? No idea.
• Hobby, I want to find something that is fun to do. Outside of work and CPA. Something that is relaxing. Not sure what yet, but I will find it.
• New experiences, the BlogBlowout is a big step in this direction. I cannot wait to meet these wonderful women. BestFriend is planning a tubing trip with the Divas, yay. And, of course, I am working on the next family vacation. Sweetie and I are wanting to go camping and enjoy nature.

Well, I am sure I bored everyone enough. I am excited and feeling very positive. I will keep everyone updated on my progress.

Feeling Great

Seriously, I don't know what is going on. I am feeling great. Mentally, physically, emotionally, all around wonderful. I feel cute and pretty today - I even put on makeup for work. I feel like I have so much more control over 2007. I feel like so many things are possible with my health, that I can lose the weight, that I can eat healthy, and that I can get my thyroid to function correctly.

Tonight is gymnastics. This should be interesting. We are alternating who takes her as an experiment to see who she does the best with. It seems she gets distracted when we both are there. Tonight is my turn. I have my fingers crossed that she will be in a good mood.

I am so psyched about next week. I know it is going to be hard during the first two weeks, but we can do it. I have 6 months until SIL#2's wedding. So far, I have been great with my water and have not eaten at my desk. This might be harder than I thought. I didn't realize how hard it is for me to break away for a snack. But I know that next week I will truly need my snacks.

During lunch, pizza buffet - what else do you eat during the last week before starting a restricted plan, Sweetie and I decided that we are going to work on our computer room this weekend. This is the next room in my house that badly needs organization. We are very excited. I know we are boring and old. We love projects and doing things together. And Ikea has us all motivated.

And Sweetie lost a bet so he is cooking me dinner, I love it.

I am simply so happy with my life right now.

either shit or get off the pot

This is what my father told Sweetie when he asked for my hand in marriage. We had been dating at that point for 4.5 years.

However, this is also my motto for the new year. Either shit or get off the pot. Meaning - do something about it. I know it sounds simple. But I tend to get lost in what all needs to get done instead of focusing on one task at hand. I have noticed lately that a lot of my goals/desires go together. For example, I want to wear my smaller clothing, so I need to exercise, exercise will also help my health, improved health will help my self esteem, etc... Therefore, I need to get my butt out the door. Doing so will help many areas of my life.

Same thing goes with the house. I want a solid routine before starting to study for the CPA. So whenever something is bothering me or annoying me, I am going to try and do something about it. Nothing perfect, much like Flylady - a little at a time. But that is going to be my new thing. Shut up and do it. Exercise, weight loss, organization, health, CPA, relationships, and on and on.

While I might not be able to solve anything right then, I am going to work on a plan at least. A realistic, doable, non-overwhelming plan. Let's hope it helps. I am feeling motivated about it. And I am sure you all will hear about the results.

My real motivation is that 2007 will be my second year on my meds, my last year. I need to go into remission or they are going to want to do the radiation. So health and stress free have to be a focus.

And if you get a moment, make a snowflake - it is a great cause and a lot of fun.