MERRY CHRISTMAS and all that

That time of year is upon us again. Another Christmas has come and gone. This year was odd. The season went too quickly to do all we wanted, people were missing from the fun, and I fought my own sadness. But I did what Christmas is all about for me, focus on family and friends. Sweetie and I spent this week cleaning. The house had been neglected in a bad way. In no way were we ready for a white glove inspection, but it made me feel so good. SIL is right, having people over is the best motivation to keep a house clean.

Christmas Eve was so much fun. I had to work for a few hours but nothing horrible. I had to even go back in so I took Bug with me. That was fun. Of course our weather was warm and she and I enjoyed the windows down on the ride, too funny. Christmas Eve was at our house this year. We enjoyed a scavenger hunt of sorts, making our own sparkling sodas, decorating cookies, homemade waffles, and opening presents. It was exhausting and fun.

Christmas Day was laid back. Due to Brother moving we decided to do things differently. Instead of full dinner we had sandwiches. It was fun and relaxing. Sweetie got me a WiiFit for Christmas, thanks to his best Elf helper BestFriend. I started playing it today. AWESOME. It is fun. I plan to use it with my walking. I don't know why but it seems that I feel more accountable with the wiifit than just weight watchers. Perhaps it is because Sweetie can see my progress on the TV.

Along the same lines we are talking about waiting to try for #2 until I lose some weight. We want to take care of any risks that we can. I am not waiting to be at goal weight, we are wanting to get a move on - lol. However my goal is to lose enough to get into the overweight category and not obese. As I say this we might change the plans if at any given moment. Speaking of health and all that, I am finally feeling better. I got on another antibiotic on Monday and I think finally I am kicking this sinus infection/cold that has lingered for over a month. So that is good.

So you might be wondering where are the Christmas pictures. There is an awesome story which goes with that. You see I need to upload my pics from two cameras. Yes, two. Santa brought me a Nikon D200. So half of the pictures are on my normal camera and half on the new one. I love the new one even though I am still learning how to use it.

OK back to enjoying the long weekend. I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Another edition of bullet point update

• I had a great b-day. It was relaxing just like I wanted.
• On Friday I got a stomach virus and was throwing up for 14 hours. It was no good. We left for the Ren Fest that evening - yes while I was still sick. I had to go. I didn't want to miss the time with the family. I felt better Saturday morning and enjoyed the remainder of our weekend.
• It was very cold for Bug's first camping experience. And even with that Sweetie and I are looking at tents, I want to camp more. Bug was a pro. She did great the whole time. No accidents or problems sleeping.
• Monday was my Dad's b-day. As tradition states, Mom and I took off and started our Christmas shopping. We were very successful and had a great time.
• Today was Bug's Thanksgiving dinner at her school. It was a ton of fun. Sweetie and I went and Bug was thrilled. I love hanging out with my little friends.
• Tomorrow is the last trash pick up before Thanksgiving. And while I am not hosting, I am using this as an opportunity to get the kitchen in tip top shape. Let's see if it works.
• This weekend is Christmas decorating. I cannot wait. I love this season. And Bug is big enough to REALLY be into it.

contemplations

The holidays have been very surreal. I thrived on Bug's reactions to my favorite time of year. And while it was a longer Christmas season, it seemed to pass too quickly to do all that I wanted. And with our anniversary coming up, my focus has been on that.

What do you get the man who makes you happier than anyone else, who knows you better than anyone, who fights for the survival of "you" on a daily basis? The traditional gift is tin/aluminum. Does a can of Mountain Dew really speak my emotions?

Speaking of emotions.... If it wasn't for the little pill that I am on right now, I would swear I was pregnant. I have been crying at ANYTHING. And it doesn't even have to be something I see, just a thought can send me off. It has not been depressed crying - though I did have my normal couple of days in the season where I wanted to crawl into my closet and not come out. Though that was fleeting.

This year I am simply overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with happiness. I feel like everything is going so well. I love it when A at work makes gagging noises when she hears Sweetie and me on the phone, I love it when I hear people say that we are made for each other. I love how hard we have fought and focused and prioritized to get to this point. Ten years ago we were different people. We were young and stupid and yes, in love. We were insecure and didn't even know it. The last 10 years have played like a novel. We have had heartache, feeling lost, losing loved ones, excitement, bliss, sadness, happiness, and the most important, laughter.

Where was I going? I am a very date oriented person. I am a very controlling person. This has not been the case as much lately. Sweetie has something planned for our anniversary. I have no clue what it is. I am not trying to solve the puzzle and ruin the surprise. I have been walking without a stopwatch. And I have been accepting my weight and not letting myself ruin this time in my life because of a stupid number on the scale. This may not sound big, but for me, this is huge.

We still have 4 days in 2007. I am at the point in the year where I look back, think of resolutions and how to improve. 2007 is the year of the Boar. Since BestFriend was born in the year of the boar, she chose the theme of the year - concurring fear. So what have I done with my year? I went to the blog blowout and met fellow bloggers in person - something I would never do. I completed five 5ks. I made the decision to do the RAI - scariest of all only to find out I didn't need it yet. I met old friends and I allowed myself to open up at work and trust people again.

If you know anything about me, you know that I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. This goes for good and bad. Not so much as a "you did something bad so now you have cancer", but in a this lesson is here for you to learn from, this heartache will lead to something more. I never claim to have the answers as to what the reason is. But it is what keeps me going, it is my faith. Take my disease. I do not know where I am right now, could be in remission could be back in Graves'. You have to let go of control with something like this. And just when I thought I had control and the upper hand, the tables turned and I found out quickly that the control that I thought I had was a mirage. I firmly believe that one of the reasons I have this experience is to teach me to let go, that I cannot have control. And most importantly, control does not mean happiness.

I said that the decision to move ahead with the RAI was the scariest thing done this year. That isn't true. The scariest thing was not looking over my shoulder at every turn, to stop waiting for the next big fall. Sweetie gave me a reminder coin to carry with me for my b-day. It says "faith". To trust, to have faith, to let go of control is very very scary. But, for me, it is the only way to find true happiness. It is the only way to live my life with my soul-mate where we will never again accept neutral as an option and we laugh daily.

Wow, I didn't expect that to be so long. I guess it has been coming. Thanks for listening. And to reward you putting up with my ramblings, here is a photo (there was going to be a video but it is taking too long, I will try again later):

And I helped.....

I told you that we were busy through Christmas and right now is no exception. But first let me catch you up.

Thursday, Bug and I went to the mall to get Sweetie's Christmas. We were walking in one of the department stores and she was holding a cup of snacks and a bag of snacks from school. Yes, my child is spoiled and yes this is relevant as it paints the picture. So we were walking side by side without holding hands as hers were full. She looks very "big" when we walk like this. So the conversation went like this:
Me: What does Daddy want for Christmas, Bug?
Bug: Noise. (as a matter of fact as she can be, as if this was all thought out)
Me: Noise?
Bug: yeah, noise.... ahhhhhhh (insert noise we make when getting "gotten" after hiding or being tickled)
Me: Yes, that does make Daddy happy, I guess noise it is.
Just too damn cute!

Yesterday, was my parents 34th wedding anniversary. Mom and I like to celebrate things like this so we went to see P.S. I Love You. We really liked the movie and cried the whole time. Finish the evening with some Starbucks and girl talk and you have yourself a great time.

Today, we went to MIL's to snow the yard. Unfortunately, the wind had other ideas and it didn't turn out quite as we hoped. But the good news is that Bug had a great time.

Tonight was the Nutcracker. It was at a new location. GRRRR! It was disappointing, some of the main things that we love, like the live symphony, were not included. AND they were sold out of nutcrackers. But that didn't stop us from having a great time. Our date is "complete" and we are working on wrapping presents. You might ask why I would blog on a date night and more importantly how can I blog when I am wrapping presents? My sweet sweet husband has a side of OCD. He likes presents wrapped a certain way. While I am the more analytical one, I simply do not take as much care as he does. It drives him a bit batty to watch me wrap. So I am helping by putting the gifts into piles, watching It's a Wonderful Life, and cheering him on.

Tomorrow is pedicure with BestFriend and Christmas Eve Eve with Brother. We must wrap, clean, bake, and buy the last present or two. So much to do.

If I don't get back on before, everyone have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas has begun

OK since we are busy like daily through Christmas, my posts will most likely be short and to the point.

We had my party on Friday and Sweetie's was tonight. Before the party I decided to get my hair cut. YAY I feel like I am me again. I didn't go as short as I was 10 years ago, but it is shorter than I have been in some time. What else is new this week? I woke up early yesterday and today and worked out. YAY me. And this morning I didn't start my stopwatch as I started my walk, I hit the button but it didn't start and I didn't notice as it was dark. And it didn't bother me. That is big for me. I am doing so much better with my control issues. I am letting go of perfection. I tend to expect too much of myself and then when I don't meet my own self made standards, I beat myself up for it. Stupid really. But I am working on it and have seen huge changes. I am sure a longer post will come soon with more explanation. But for now let's just say that with the anniversary coming up, I am doing a lot of looking back and looking forward. I weighed less when we got married. But everything that I am most proud of in the last 10 years happened when I was at this weight or higher so I have to let go of the idea that the scale will somehow make things better. Things are great now and I am healthy and happy - what more could I ask for? I am focusing on a healthy loss that I can maintain. I am focusing on making memories.

Tomorrow night is our last free night until Christmas. We need to finish shopping and start wrapping.

I am feeling so good that I feel guilty. I hate it when friends hurt. I want to make it better.

getting my party on

I still feel crappy, but am in such a great mood. I had another weight loss this week. I am feeling great about that.

My anniversary ring came in. We had it shipped to Sweetie's work. He is very very happy with it. I cannot wait to see it.

Tonight is our company Christmas party. I am so excited. Last year I didn't really know anyone. But now that I have been here longer, I am excited.

OK that wasn't much of a post. Sorry about that. But I must got get beautimus for my party.

~Night y'all~

One great day

Sweetie and I both took the day off for Christmas shopping. We completed most of it, there is always more, isn't there? But we had great fun. Sweetie had a dentist appointment first thing this morning so I shopped for a dress for our anniversary. I knew I wanted to wear a dress that makes me feel pretty. I was successful. I went to Macy's and found an elegant white and black dress. I tried on several and this was the only one I wanted to keep on. If I lose a couple of pounds it will be that much more comfortable.

So I was feeling good when we started our shopping. We had such a great day shopping and laughing. I am not feeling great, going from 80 to 40 does that. But it didn't hold us back. It truly was a great day.

Now I need to feel better so I can get back into the exercise.

bringing it all together

Time for reflection. Time for contemplation. I am fighting a cold. Fighting it hard might I add. I refuse to be sick. This weekend is too special. I have the trail of lights 5k. The neat part about this year is that I get to see the trail of lights twice. We have the 5k and then we always go with SIL#2, BIL, Niece, MIL, and Mom. Lots of fun this year.

But something else is happening on Saturday, at the 5k. I am reconnecting with the friend that I have not seen in some fifteen years. I am excited. I am nervous. I have grown, matured, and changed since then. What if she doesn't like me? What if I am not cool enough for her? What if time has been too much? Brother has already met with her a couple of times. I am convinced that I am overreacting.

I am feeling so good. I think my thyroid is still normal. I have been doing very well with my diet. Though nothing has been off limits - it is the holiday season. Having WW at work has been very nice. Tomorrow is weigh in. So far I am down 5 pounds. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Four weeks left until 10 years. We purchased new wedding bands for the celebration and picked them up last night. They are so beautiful. And tonight we found my anniversary ring. I have been looking for the perfect ring. I am not a traditional type. I wanted something different. I did not want diamonds. When I found this ring and showed Sweetie, he pulled his wallet out immediately and told me to order it because it is the ring. I am so excited. Have I mentioned that I still do not know the plans? Have I mentioned that I have not been asking? Have I mentioned that this drives me crazy?

I am tired. Tonight is going to be watching Christmas movies, eating PB&J, and a long bath. I
have to feel better for the fun of Saturday!

In the Sprit

World Domination Tuesday

First a HUGE SHOUT OUT - HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWIEMAUI!!!!!

Now onto what I was going to say. I am sore. Not just sore, I am very sore. I have not worked out with my power 90 videos since labor day-ish. At that point I was doing level 1. Last night I decided that I need to get back on it if I want a loss during the holiday season and to feel great about myself for our anniversary. So I did level 2. Makes sense right? I mean it has been almost 3 months since I did anything like this, shouldn't I be able to move on to level 2? The overall video is the same as level 1. But, it is 12 minutes longer and I swear the extra time is with lunges and push ups. OWIE. I am so sore. It feels good to know I worked hard, but damn.

And get this, after my workout, I made dinner. That involved THREE pots/bowls to cook. AND we ate at the dining room table. Am I awesome or what?

My goal is to workout again tonight. but if it doesn't happen, that is ok. No beating myself up.

And I never posted about Thanksgiving weekend. It was AWESOME. No stress. I did not have my traditional flip-out. YAY. It was four days filled with family and good times. We got a new tree, picture is at home of course, it is beautiful. Very very us. We played a lot of Wii. Sweetie and I have a competition on who is better at Big Brain Academy - LOVE THAT GAME. We were even productive and made a huge dent in the laundry. It was the best four day weekend. It was a weekend where we spent every minute together and wanted more.

We are finishing putting up the decorations after work this week and hopefully putting up the lights outside soon - it is supposed to rain again this weekend.

Did I mention that I love Christmas?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all. Currently, I am waiting on my dessert for Christmas dinner to finish baking while we watch The Muppets Christmas Carol. Life is good.

Here are some photos of our holiday celebration so far.

We started Saturday with snowing of MIL's yard.









Saturday night we celebrated Christmas Eve Eve at Brothers and SIL#1. Serif loves their puppy.






Christmas Eve was a wonderful success. We did not make it to church due to a couple of gifts not working properly and Sweetie running all over town in attempts to resolve the issue. No such luck. Blah. But it did not hamper the evening as those involved understood.
Here we are all dressed up for our celebration.























As our activity this year SIL#2 brought marshmallow snowmen to decorate. Some were sweet. However, my Sweetie has a sick, sick mind.








Christmas morning was wonderful. Bug loves everything she received. She has been playing very hard all morning and is finally napping with her Daddy. Sweetie got me this great clock for above our front door. I love it.





Sweetie received as my biggest gift to him, a rotary waffle iron. We found these in the hotels in CA. He loved them. He is very big into breakfast. He loves to make it and eat it. Yesterday he made us the most wonderful French Toast. If you like French Toast, and have an HEB near you, I highly recommend their French Toast Bread. Yum yum.



And Santa was very good to Sweetie. After all these years, he is finally going to have his trampoline. There were tears in his eyes when he realized what I did.

And now the dessert is finished baking. I made Swirled Raspberry Chocolate Streusel Bars.

Christmas Time is Here!

The Christmas Weekend Begins. Tonight was a fun time at MotoDiva's. Bug was very good. Sweetie even made rice krispie treats. Tomorrow is Snowing of MIL's yard and the evening at Brother and SIL#1.

I am not sure if I will be back on before Christmas, so I want to take this chance to say MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I have been in a great mood all day. The Christmas spirit is in full swing. This is going to be a great Christmas. I have everything I need - my family and friends.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday season.

Exposed

If you have ever sat in an empty and cold bathtub while fully clothed and crying, you can appreciate how good it can make you feel for a little person to come into the dark room with a smile that can light up the world. You can appreciate how good it can make you feel to hear her talk to you while laughing. I am sure telling amazing stories - that include rubber duckies found in Mom's dungeon. You can also appreciate when she asks to get into the tub with you and all she wants to do is hug you. Full on bear hugs. You cannot help but cry while squeezing her. She lifts up and laughs. Not like she is laughing at you, but more like sharing happiness. Another hug and a kiss. All is right with the world again. She takes the best care of me.

I am good. Nothing to worry about. I was just experiencing some sadness last night. I cope by hiding. I hide from family and friends. I was sad, so I hid. But I had to share this. I had to share how she got me out of the tub. I had to share what a great little person she is. She does not just cry because I cry, she tries to make me feel better. She knows how happy hugs and kisses make me.

Sweetie worked to make me happy by doing dishes and running to the store for needed items while Bug took care of me. He returned with a yummy and healthy dinner.

So why the sadness? I still think it is my medication. I am going to call the Dr next week - if not tomorrow. I really don't want to half my medication without her knowledge. I have been experiencing sadness - nothing as dramatic like suicidal or anything like that, I am fully functioning - as well as exhaustion. That is the only way to say it, exhaustion and not fatigue. I pass out at night, which is good, but I am tired all day. These are things that can be related to my medication. Or I am simply messed up.

In spite of the tub incident last night, I had a good evening. Sweetie and I watched a movie, ate a wonderful dinner, and talked. That is always good. We were going to play split, but I fell asleep.

The holidays are here. Tonight is an informal gathering so I can meet HowieMaui's newest SIL. This is her first Christmas in the States. We are going to watch Christmas specials and bake. I need to make things for tomorrow's Diva gathering as well as Christmas Eve Eve on Saturday.

Bug had an ENT appointment yesterday. After, we went shopping for some Stocking Stuffers for Sweetie. We were quite successful. It really put me into the holiday spirit. I do love this time of year.

Today is my parent's wedding anniversary. 33 years ago they went to a JP and got hitched. I am ever so grateful for this.

Did I mention that I am tired?

I really don't want to work today.

I went to my girlie doc follow up appointment this morning. All went well. I will get the results next week, though I am not worried. But as a reward, I got a peppermint mocha from Starbucks. Yummy Yummy,

Sweetie is off from work today. He is shopping for me while doing some cleaning and picking up some needed items for my baking. He is too good to me. This meant, of course, that he wanted to have lunch with me. That was a very nice break.

Unfortunately, there was an accident. With Sweetie's ever expanding creativeness we had a casualty. The glass on our coffee table broke today. Sweetie was attaching rivets to a project. With the last one, the glass broke. We have discussed getting a new coffee table. I think I know what our joint anniversary gift will be.

My Favorite Charlie Brown Quote

Charlie Brown: [shouting in desperation] Isn't there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about?

Linus Van Pelt: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you. Lights, please. [a spotlight shines on Linus] Linus Van Pelt: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'". That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie brown.

Santa

Last night after gymnastics, we went and saw Santa. She was soooo good. Last week when we were at the mall Bug saw Santa and wanted to meet him. So we got her dressed up and took her back. She showed the same interest. She walked right up to him and let him sit her on his lap. She was great, no crying at all. She stayed serious as he spoke to her. She then got a bracelet and a candy cane. She and I shared the candy cane. I think she was good because the Santa at our mall is the real thing. He has a real beard and wears black cowboy boots. I love it. And he is the same Santa as last year. This year she did not pull his beard.

what a view

Wednesday night Duck Tour: We did actually see a few ducks.
And here we are in front of the bus/boat.









Friday night Trail of Lights:










Then Saturday Night: The nutcracker was awesome as always. After Sweetie told me he had a surprise for me. He took me to the Whataburger we went to the day we got married. We got it to go and he took me to my school. At 10pm we sat on the steps of Main Building eating our dinner while looking over the Austin skyline. It was so romantic. He is amazing. After dinner, we strolled through campus and finished at the Cheesecake Factory for dessert. That was a great evening. This is the door that was the backdrop to our picnic.

all over the place

blah. Today I am feeling some sadness. Ugh. Some of it started yesterday when I picked Bug up from school. A teacher said "I know better than to get between Bug and her graham crackers". Another teacher misheard and said "oh is there a problem with Grandpa". I asked the first teacher if she said graham crackers - she confirmed. Second teacher then says "he picked her up yesterday, right?" I said no. She asked if it was earlier in the week. I said no. She said "ever?" I said no. That is when it truly hit me that Bug does not have any grandpas. Well, she has a Great-Grandpa and that is neat, but not the same. It made me sad.

Life. I don't understand it. This morning I found out about a 5 year old boy at our church who passed away. Not fair at all. Mom is working the funeral tomorrow. She is blah today too because of it. Makes me want to hug my Bug.

Today I am not focused at work. I have a deadline and I am not into it. I want to go home. Tonight is Bug's school's party and then the Trail of Lights. Good thing is that it should be nice weather.

And then tomorrow night. That is going to be the big one. Sweetie and my third annual Christmas Date. We will eat good food and watch the Nutcracker. I am excited. Hopefully it will get me out of my funk.

Wednesday night Sweetie and I went on a Duck Tour with Sweetie's department. It was a lot of fun. I will have to post some pictures. If you want to learn about Austin, don't do it. If you want to quack at strangers, go for it.

Tonight, with the lights, tomorrow the Nutcracker, Sunday finishing all shopping, Monday is gymnastics, Tuesday is Santa, Wednesday and Thursday are watching Christmas movies until we lose our minds, Friday is a Diva gathering, Saturday is Christmas Eve Eve, Sunday is Christmas Eve, and then Monday is Christmas. Tonight really starts the Christmas rush.

I love this time of year, it is my favorite. I am going to work on something. I am going to work on staying positive, choosing happiness. All in the mind - right? All in our choices. We shall see if this works.

That and walking. Much like SIL#1 - going to start calling brother's wife SIL#1 and Sweetie's sister SIL#2 to avoid confusion. Not a ranking, this is the order that they became my SILs - she believes a midget with a taser would solve her scheduling problems. Do they come in the "make me exercise" variety? I think if I could find a way to put a treadmill in my house, I would use it most daily. It is the walking outside in the dark that gets to me. But a little zzzz would help.

My meds - I looked at my levels and it looks like the are good - gosh darnit. So I am focusing on lifestyle rather than med reduction - at least through Feb. But since I got the news, I have had the WORST time remembering to take them. I am a great morning pill taker. It is when you say I can't take one pill with others, like my antithyroid cannot be taken with my vitamin, that I forget the second pill.
** After posting this, I did further research. According to this article my lab is using the old standard for TSH levels. Which means since mine is above a 3 - according to the new standard that I am hypo. I knew it!

But my new mottos - Shit or get off the pot - we will call it SOGOTP for short. If I want my meds reduced in March, I need to exercise and eat right. OK eating right will start AFTER the holidays. I am not THAT strong. And tonight is some exercise. But I need to do it. Stop talking about it and do it. One step at a time.

Next week we have two appointments. Serif has her ENT follow up and I have my follow up with my girlie doc. Did I ever blog that my pap came back abnormal? It also came back negative for HPV - so yay, but I have to go back and have a second pap done. No big deal.

OK I realize I have written a book without saying anything. I will close for now. Everyone have a safe weekend.

First Photo Blog in Beta

Weekend in pictures. No worries - no vomiting included. And good news to those at the Baking Day on Sunday - it seems several co-workers got sick on Sunday as well. And we all went to the Christmas Party on Thursday. Me thinks food poisoning.