uhm.....ok

First things first, I have a HORRIBLE sinus infection. I have Dr's orders to go home and go to bed until Monday. Am I following them? No, I went back to work. But I did leave early and came home and slept for four hours.

Now onto the important news. I gave my blood yesterday like a good girl. And I got the call this morning about my results. I was all prepared to call and schedule my uptake scan as my final step before the RAI.

There has been a change of plans.

No RAI for me this month. You see my thyroid is normal. It is normal for the old standards, the new standards, and even the brand new standards that Drs in CA are following. Without meds for four weeks and it is normal. They are not saying remission yet. I go back at the end of November and test again. I had to have the nurse repeat herself and I just started laughing.

So what I thought were symptoms have been my brain (nice huh?) and my horrible sinus infection.

I cannot believe it, as of right now I am healthy. HEALTHY. I have not had a normal thyroid since the beginning of 2001. I don't even know what to think, how to act. And this sinus infection has totally stolen the thunder of this wonderful news. GRRRRRR!

So I have no excuses in regard to losing weight or studying for the CPA (though I will be watching my stress levels very closely as that is a cause of thyroid changes). And the best part? I get to continue to take my vitamin and calcium first thing in the morning. You cannot take vitamins and your thyroid medication at the same time. This meant I forgot my vitamins most days.

So not saying remission yet. But I am damn motivated to be healthy and do everything in my power to continue on this no medication route.

feeling like sunshine

Pictures will come tonight. I upgraded my RAM. So much faster, yay!

I am feeling so good. I am convinced that I was hypo with my meds. Other than my eyes bothering me right now, and that might be overuse with the computer or allergies and not my Graves', I feel so much healthier. Now as my meds leave my body, I will become more hyper, so while I feel great now I should be experiencing more hyper side effects any day. It does not mean that I am cured or that I do not need the treatment. I have to remind myself. I am feeling so good and I cannot get my hopes up that I am in remission. I just wish that there was a pocket thyroid test so I could know everyday where I stand.

Monday I went to the girlie doc. All is well, pending anything strange from the pap. We discussed birth control, the upcoming RAI, and what I need to do for #2. Everything is set. I start my prenatals when I finish my current bottle of vitamins and stop the pill after the six month wait time after the RAI. Other than that the NP was excited and said she hopes to see me in the summer. YAY!!

This weekend is going to be crazy busy. We have BIL's 40th b-day on Saturday and niece's 11th b-day on Sunday. Which means we need to prepare during the week. And I need to get my butt out the door and walking. LiveStrong is coming up soon.

Healthy

Well, I got the results. While my WBC is still high, it is yet again lower. There is nothing to indicate the reason it was up. No infection and *THANK GOODNESS* no leukemia. They tested for several cancers as well many other things. My uric acid is a little high, but nothing to worry about.

Bottom line, I am healthy and go back in one month to retest. YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Thank you for all your positive thoughts, I think they helped. And a few rainbows never hurt anyone.

Almost time

Almost time to go to the Doctor. I have not heard anything so I am convincing myself that means it is nothing. But I am stressed. My eye has been twitching and just now my lip started twitching. It feels funny.

And all of this has gotten into my dreams. I have normal and sane dreams. Sweetie has adventure/comic book/ninja dreams, but not me. Night before last I dreamt that my little family was in a country at war and trying to stay hidden from the gun fire and then last night I dreamt that 183 and the toll roads collapsed and we were caught under. But in both dreams we survived. And in last night's I was saving people. So I know the stress is getting into my dreams but it seems that I feel confident in my abilities to overcome anything.

I walked this morning again. That keeps me on schedule of my training. Yay!

I just want to hear something concrete when I go in this afternoon.

the beat goes on, and the beat goes on

vampires!

BestFriend believes that this whole ordeal is due to vampires. I thought she was being silly and trying to take my mind off of things. Little did I know she was right.

The Southwest Regional Cancer Center is very nice. I never wanted to know that, but anyway. I went alone and arrived early. The receptionist was so very nice and made me feel very comfortable. While I was checking in she told a co-worker that there were three new people, two with appointments before me, and then me. At 20 minutes until my appointment, the male nurse called my name. I was taken back before the other two appointments before mine. He took me back and weighed me and took me to a room. As we walked to the room he hesitated and said "oh he won't mind if we use this one". I thought this was odd. As he was taking my temp he said "normally another nurse handles this stuff, but he wanted to see you right away".

Great.

The doctor came in quickly after and took me to another room. Long story short, he asked me questions and felt me up. After what felt like an eternity while he wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote he told me "high WBC can mean a lot of things, an infection, and other things". He was good and didn't say the C word. He ended our meeting by sending me to the lab and saying that he wanted to see me in a week. However, he told me that if the results are serious he will call me before. I hope I don't hear from him.

Oh and he also said, "well, your meds can cause a low WBC as a side effect, but not high, so we know it isn't that". WTF? I already decided that was it. I already figured it all out, I would be taken off the meds and get the RAI in September. Why did I waste all my money on medical school only to be told that I am wrong? Oh that is right I didn't go to medical school. So I guess I don't know much. Actually I didn't even tell him that was my thinking, I think it was the first step, check current meds for side effects

I gave SIX vials of blood and made my next appointment for Thursday at 4:15.

So the results are - we still don't know ANYTHING.

I did ask if it was ok for me to do the Keep Austin Weird 5k on Saturday. He told me yes and that I should do everything that I want to. So that is good. It isn't like I am blogging this from a hospital room or anything. But damn, I want some answers.

Since this post has been so serious I thought I would end on something funny. Since today is FUG Thursday , I have something to contribute. This is my girl, so I can FUG her. She demanded to wear these shoes. They do not match. I hope she learns that this is a no no before high school.

shopping always helps

Appointment tomorrow is still scheduled. I got the retest results today. While the WBC is lower, it is still high. Blah. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. I know it is just the meds, but still. I don't want yet another doctor, I don't want to go through another weekend not knowing. My appointment is at 4:15. There is no way that I am going to walk out of there knowing anything. And Fridays are always hard to get answers. Luckily Saturday is Keep Austin Weird, so that will be a nice distraction with many friends.

So I called my Endo yesterday and spoke to the nurse - as she is the one who calls me with my results and is my first line of contact. I told her my GP said my levels were too high and that I was hypo according to the new standards. She responded with "She (the Endo) is the expert". I said that I knew and reexplained the new standards. The nurse responded the same "well, she is the expert and if she said for your meds to stay the same then your meds need to stay the same". She didn't follow it up with "would you like to speak with her" or anything like that. I finished the call with "ok then, I might be looking for a new endo". UGH. I will call back after tomorrow's appointment and speak directly with the doctor. However, I have been looking and found my next doctor if it comes to that. Needless to say, this did not make my day wonderful.

I hate the unknown. I can handle anything, I am strong. However, I just need to know what it is. I am sure that tomorrow's appointment will result in me off my meds. I am ok with that. However, I know what Graves' did to me before. I remember the fuzzy brain, not being able to think of words, and things not making sense. I totally thought, at the time, it was new-mommy brain. But when the meds started working and I got my brain back, it was like night and day. I am ok with being in this state as we determine the right path for me. However, I worry about being able to study for the CPA. I hate.hate.hate putting it off again. But I do not want to fail when my brain isn't mine and waste the money. Does that make sense? But at the same time I do not want to postpone simply due to fear. UGH!

I am just tired of waiting. It seems it is all I do, waiting for the next blood test, waiting for results, waiting for the next doctor. I want to just be healthy. Is that too much to ask for?

In other news, I went out during lunch and found a potential dress for SIL#2's wedding. It fits nicely but with a little loss would fit better. And the best part, it was less than twenty dollars. It was cheap enough that even if I decide against it for the wedding that I needed it for potential other outings, like Sweetie's b-day. And because I bought a slinky dress, I got a salad for lunch. See I am taking control of what I can control.

Please send positive thoughts my way around 4:15 tomorrow.

inhale slowly, exhale slowly

I went to my Dr today regarding my white blood count. I expected a prescription for antibiotics and a request to test again in a few weeks. Nope. I didn't think the count was that high. But sure enough the Nurse and the NP said "yes it is high". Bottom line, my sugars are ok, I got to give more blood today to retest, and I got to call the Cancer Center to make an appointment with a hematologist. You want to freak out? Call the Dr your Dr says you need to call even before getting the retest results and hear Cancer in the locations name. BLAH.

And you know how I posted a while back about the thyroid levels being re-standardized and hypo is now anything over 3, used to be 5, and how my Dr and lab are using the old way? Well, once again I am over 3 but they say I am good. The NP today looked at my levels and I said "I really thought I was going to be declared hypo, I am so tired". She said "You, are hypo, this form is with the old standard". So I get to call my Endo tomorrow and request a med reduction due to the outdated standards being used. My retest results should be in tomorrow, then they will fax them to my the hematologist and I meet with him on Thursday afternoon.

Nothing is wrong, I only need to go off the meds (I have repeated this to myself a million times today). The problem is that I can't go off of them completely until we determine that is the cause. Blah. I am just tired from it all. I talked at length with the NP about the RAI option, which I have been thinking about lately, though I still hate the idea to my core. Both my GP and NP think I need to do it. Even more now with the most recent test results. Maybe this was my sign from God to scare me into doing it. Well, it worked. Sweetie and I agree that as soon as I get a clean bill of health that I am going to talk to the Dr about getting the radiation.

And of course this all happens when I need to start cranking on my CPA study. I cannot concentrate today to save my life. I want to reschedule but to do that would mean getting another three month window. I think I will wait until after I talk with the Dr to determine the best route. I mean I want the CPA very badly, but I want to be healthier even more. The worst thing I have heard with the RAI is weight gain - not allowing that to happen as I got enough from my current meds - and the process of getting the medication level figured out. This can be tricky as the radiation continued to radiate, it just slows down. And when your thyroid is out of whack, you are out of whack. It is hard to concentrate, hard to do things. Blah.

But I am staying positive. And I will keep all my peeps updated.

Sick - be gone with you

Yesterday, I was home sick. I kept Bug home as well to make sure she really was over her crap. Today, I am home sick and she is at school. I went to the doctor like a good girl. I have a very bad sinus infection. But the good news is that he ruled out strep, bronchitis, and meningitis. You don't want to hear the doctor say "you are the sickest person today". Ya thanks. I left with three prescriptions. One for some good antibiotic, one for a decongestant and one for eye drops because for two days my right eye won't stop watering - yep infected. Fun.

I get my prescriptions and dream about my time to sleep uninterrupted. I even considered a bubble bath if time allowed. When I get home I get a call from Sweetie, who is at the last day of SXSW. He says he doesn't feel good. He might take off at noon and come home. Sure enough while I was trying to sleep as my decongestant had not kicked in yet, I hear him come home and get into bed. Note to self, next mattress get one of those where a bowling ball bouncing won't move a glass of wine. I finally get some sleep as my airways opened and I could breathe through one nostril.

I wake up and figure I will move to the living room. As I am leaving I wake Sweetie up and ask how he feels sick. He says his whole body feels achy and hot (yet, he is under the covers) and how the drainage hurts. So I check his temp, 102.x. I get him medicine and one of my decongestants. Good thing the Dr gave me extra.

I was taking care of Bug while she was sick and I was sick (can I get an AMEN for all the single parents out there, I don't know how you do it). I so looked forward to SXSW being over so I could get my knight in shinning armor back. Well, SXSW is over but instead of my knight I have a sick husband and myself to take care of. And I know he is going to be too sick to be of any use tonight.

And did I mention that decongestants make me bitchy?

and now we wait

Waiting. I am so very good at it. Seriously, I can wait and be patient about anything. It is THE best trait I received from my mother. You hear about impulse people. Not me, I would rather not have it today. I would rather not know now. I would rather wait patiently.

Or NOT.

I was good and I gave my blood. The Dr's office should get the results tomorrow and my appointment is on Wednesday morning. Now, I wait. I wait to see if my meds are working and if they need to be adjusted. This weekend I did not eat good foods. I didn't do horrible, but I did not do good. And that is ok. SIL#2 told me it looks like I have lost 20 pounds. She is my new favorite person. I allowed myself to eat what I wanted without binging. But today I am back on the beach. Today I am healthy again. While I hate waiting. I am feeling much less stress. I gave my blood for the test. I cannot do anything to alter the results at this point. The ball is out of my court.

Last night we went bowling with MotoDiva, BestFriend, and some other friends. We had the best time. I created a new sport, cardio-bowl. It is going to make me rich I tell ya. OK it won't but I looked very silly for the evening. And we laughed a lot - laughing is good for everyone.

And I have to add, I can't like it when my friends are going through rough times. I can't. I want to help, I want to make it better. Being an adult with adult decisions sucks.

Evolved

I have evolved. Let me explain. I have worn glasses for years. Not forever, but for some time. I got contacts somewhere around 2000. I wore them throughout my pregnancy. I even wore my glasses when I went back to work. Then I stopped. I no longer needed them. I figured that Bug fixed me with the pregnancy. After diagnosis with Graves', I realized that is what it was. Well, I have noticed a bit of haziness - not really blurry but not crisp - with my vision. So I was good and went to the eye dr. We have great eye insurance.

The results?

I have evolved. I have perfect vision. I don't remember the last time a dr told me that. Woo Hoo. The hazy thing? It comes with being an accountant and staring at Excel. My eyes are tired. I am to use eye drops once to twice a day - also good with my Graves'. And I got some reading glasses. They are supposed to relieve my eyes while working. Like a nice down comforter. The catch? My prescription, since I don't have vision problems to speak of, is too low to get the cheap ones from CVS. So I had to order some cute work glasses. I went dramatic. I cannot wait until they come in. They should help my headaches too. But, of course, while our insurance is good - the place is not a "ready in one hour" shop. It might take two weeks to get my CK black with pink interior reading glasses. Even the Dr was quite impressed at how my eyes improved.

So I guess I have had some good come from my disease.

Hey it is national delurking week. Yep, once again.
Come out, come out wherever you are.

all over the place

blah. Today I am feeling some sadness. Ugh. Some of it started yesterday when I picked Bug up from school. A teacher said "I know better than to get between Bug and her graham crackers". Another teacher misheard and said "oh is there a problem with Grandpa". I asked the first teacher if she said graham crackers - she confirmed. Second teacher then says "he picked her up yesterday, right?" I said no. She asked if it was earlier in the week. I said no. She said "ever?" I said no. That is when it truly hit me that Bug does not have any grandpas. Well, she has a Great-Grandpa and that is neat, but not the same. It made me sad.

Life. I don't understand it. This morning I found out about a 5 year old boy at our church who passed away. Not fair at all. Mom is working the funeral tomorrow. She is blah today too because of it. Makes me want to hug my Bug.

Today I am not focused at work. I have a deadline and I am not into it. I want to go home. Tonight is Bug's school's party and then the Trail of Lights. Good thing is that it should be nice weather.

And then tomorrow night. That is going to be the big one. Sweetie and my third annual Christmas Date. We will eat good food and watch the Nutcracker. I am excited. Hopefully it will get me out of my funk.

Wednesday night Sweetie and I went on a Duck Tour with Sweetie's department. It was a lot of fun. I will have to post some pictures. If you want to learn about Austin, don't do it. If you want to quack at strangers, go for it.

Tonight, with the lights, tomorrow the Nutcracker, Sunday finishing all shopping, Monday is gymnastics, Tuesday is Santa, Wednesday and Thursday are watching Christmas movies until we lose our minds, Friday is a Diva gathering, Saturday is Christmas Eve Eve, Sunday is Christmas Eve, and then Monday is Christmas. Tonight really starts the Christmas rush.

I love this time of year, it is my favorite. I am going to work on something. I am going to work on staying positive, choosing happiness. All in the mind - right? All in our choices. We shall see if this works.

That and walking. Much like SIL#1 - going to start calling brother's wife SIL#1 and Sweetie's sister SIL#2 to avoid confusion. Not a ranking, this is the order that they became my SILs - she believes a midget with a taser would solve her scheduling problems. Do they come in the "make me exercise" variety? I think if I could find a way to put a treadmill in my house, I would use it most daily. It is the walking outside in the dark that gets to me. But a little zzzz would help.

My meds - I looked at my levels and it looks like the are good - gosh darnit. So I am focusing on lifestyle rather than med reduction - at least through Feb. But since I got the news, I have had the WORST time remembering to take them. I am a great morning pill taker. It is when you say I can't take one pill with others, like my antithyroid cannot be taken with my vitamin, that I forget the second pill.
** After posting this, I did further research. According to this article my lab is using the old standard for TSH levels. Which means since mine is above a 3 - according to the new standard that I am hypo. I knew it!

But my new mottos - Shit or get off the pot - we will call it SOGOTP for short. If I want my meds reduced in March, I need to exercise and eat right. OK eating right will start AFTER the holidays. I am not THAT strong. And tonight is some exercise. But I need to do it. Stop talking about it and do it. One step at a time.

Next week we have two appointments. Serif has her ENT follow up and I have my follow up with my girlie doc. Did I ever blog that my pap came back abnormal? It also came back negative for HPV - so yay, but I have to go back and have a second pap done. No big deal.

OK I realize I have written a book without saying anything. I will close for now. Everyone have a safe weekend.