Big week

This is a big week. Bug started Kindergarten on Monday. She is so awesome. Her class has 8 kids in it. I think she is going to thrive in the private environment and then kick butt in public next year. Then there is tomorrow, it will be Bug's first trip to the dentist - yay.

Yesterday, I got to see the logo Sweetie has been working on. He has officially designed a logo for a 5k. I am beyond proud of him. As wearing a run shirt isn't out of the norm for me, I will have to make sure to put a "my husband designed this shirt" sticky on me :-) Wanna see it?

It makes me so happy. Now don't go and tell him that, we don't need him to get a big head. I am trucking along at work, and pulling my normal no eating, drinking, or socializing. This is not good. I must get up, get water, eat food, take breaks. I know it sounds simple. But it is so easy to get caught up in what I do and think "right after I finish this I will get lunch..Oh that wasn't bad, after I finish this next thing I will get lunch...oh fire to put out....where was I oh yes working on another project....wait it is 3, why haven't I eaten".

On the studying front I have just over 2 months to prepare. I think that is the time frame of my real focus when I passed the first section. It is just a matter of getting everything in in a day. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

My boy is getting so big and awesome. He is truly a happy baby. Yes, he can complain and complain as he goes to sleep. But really, he is quite easy. Now he isn't sleeping through the night, but Bug didn't either until after a year, so why should I be surprised? It is just so neat to watch my recessive gene boy get a personality. Recessive you ask? So far it looks like he is going to be red headed, blue eyed, and perhaps left handed. Now all of this might change tomorrow - but right now it cracks me up and think he can do anything.

Well internet, I need to get back to studying. I just had to share some of the happenings of my household :-) Now off to study stocks, working capital, management, and marketing.

Going good

Things are good. L started daycare yesterday. I was good and didn't cry. Though I did tear up at work and the day before, lol. Work is good. I am happy to be back. I have a ton to do and am behind but that is a good thing as it makes the day go faster and I can get to my babies sooner.

Did I mention the 10 pound challenge. Work has this challenge where you have to lose 10 pounds before Aug 6th. If you don't you have to pay $100 to the pot. If you do lose it then you get to split the pot with others that also lost. This is completely voluntary, but once you commit you are in. Well, I am happy to say I only need to lose 5 more to be at the goal. Woo Hoo.

I need to start walking again. Really what I need is a better schedule for the kids and Sweetie. But the priority is there. Sweetie has been running again and doing good. Our goal is at least a 10k, if not a half marathon for L's 1st b-day.

I am still shocked that I have kidS. Two, isn't that crazy. I feel like more of an adult with two. Not to mention the pain that writing the check yesterday caused. Two in daycare (and a very nice one at that) is expensive. But it is worth it. If it means we have to stay in our little house for an extra year to make it work, it is worth it. My kids are worth it.

I need to post some pics. If you are on my facebook, I know you have seen how absolutely adorable L is. He is all boy and I am happy to say no one has thought he was a girl. But it is his cheeks, you just want to squeeze them. So far I have heard that he looks like Sweetie and Bug. This is funny as Bug looks like me but no one says he looks like me. I hope it looks more like Sweetie. It would only be fair :-)

This past weekend we went to Ft Worth for our first little family vacation as a set of 4. It was a LOT of fun. We are going to make it a priority to go away at least once a quarter. With Sweetie's spot finding (gowalla) and our love of just wondering, walking, and talking we can go anywhere.

I am very excited about this weekend. Yes, I only worked two days and then get a three day weekend. I planned that quite nicely. Tomorrow I get one on one girl time with Bug, then the 4th and fireworks, and Monday will be family fun tooling around town and visiting some parks. I have a feeling I am going to do some more videoing for the spot finder ;-)

Things are good. And I am doing very good. Happy pills kicked in, thyroid meds reduced, and just enjoying my family. I am letting go of the whole perfection goal. I need to start back on the FlyLady. It is all about babysteps.

Let the weekend begin :-)

Happy

Things have been crazy in the Tolleson household. Between Christmas, playing, enjoying new floors, and being lazy, our time has slipped away. Christmas was wonderful. Watching Serif through this season has been a magical experience. She is such a neat kid and so very grateful for everything she received.

Last week was my 24 week appointment with my regular ob. I had my glucose test and passed, yay! Then yesterday was my 25 week appointment with my specialist. Baby boy looks good, measuring 5 days ahead of schedule and in the 54 percentile. There is one issue. They noticed a spot on his liver. They are going to watch and see if it progresses with the next appointment. In the meantime I got to go and have a ton of labwork done. Fun. I know he will be ok, I am just a little concerned. I think he picked up on my concern as he has been CRAZY kicking and moving around today. All has to be good.

I said that I wouldn't worry about getting the room ready until the first of the year, yikes it is almost here. In fact 98 days and I will be a 2nd time mommy. I cannot believe it, that sounds so soon to me. There is so much to do, at home and work, but I have to believe it will get done. When we prepared for Bug we started having "home improvement Sundays" and enlisted the help of MIL to come over to get things ready. Hopefully we can do that again. With work I am going to have to sit down with my boss and make out a realistic plan of my workload and my third trimester. Little things like it may be easier for me to work on Saturday mornings than late during the week, and how I am trying to keep stress to a low level. It will all get done, we just need to keep the faith.

Other than those little stressers, I am beyond happy. Sweetie and Bug take the best care of me. I am so lucky to have my little family. Last night I had a headache so I was resting and Bug kept coming by and checking to see if I had a fever and told me to rest. She loves to feel brother kick her. Her eyes light up. I love it. I think she has felt him more than Sweetie at this point. What can I say, he likes his sister. We received some clothes from a teacher at Bug's school and we are getting more from another friend who has a 10 month old. That is going to be the best part, most of the clothing purchased. That way I can focus on the little things for his room.

Happy happy happy

Sweetie and I are off this week. We spent the vacation money on our floors, which are done and BEAUTIFUL (pics to come soon)!!! We got the trees up, Bug has her own this year, and they are perfect for us.

Our tree is not big, but it is VERY us. I had a complete adult realization moment - you know where all of the sudden you feel your age and like a responsible adult. With a second child on the way and new flooring feeling like an adult has been pretty constant. However, with the unpacking of ornaments that span over 13 Christmases of our living together really hit me. When we first moved in together our tree was a little smaller and mostly balls with a couple of ornaments showing the happenings of the year. Each year there are less generic balls and more sentimental ornaments. This year the tree is my favorite. We have nothing but ornaments. It simply makes me smile.

This staycation has been wonderful. The three of us are just taking it all in. Shopping, yummy food, Christmas specials, seeing Santa, and many laughs have filled the two days. I just hope it doesn't go too fast. Now if only we can get the computer room cleaned out for baby, I will feel completely productive. Oh and Christmas shopping would be good too. But it will all come in time. I am fighting some anxiety and stress, but that comes with hormones.

I am still taking my 365 photos, I need to update a few, hopefully I will get to that tonight. I also need to clean off the kitchen table of the items placed there during the floor installation.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I am truly enjoying it so far. And on the 12th I get to take Bug to the nutcracker for the first time. YAY!

18 weeks and going strong

Today was the big anatomy ultrasound for 18 weeks. Everything looks good. I am so happy. His heart rate is at 160 and strong. This time he did some beautiful kicks for us. And, yes, they confirmed he is a boy. While the last appointment said he was as well as the 3D scan – I was still concerned that after getting Bug on board with a boy that he would turn out to be a girl, lol. Luckily, that was not the case. The Dr said he is a “fat boy” due to his weight being 6% higher than the average at this age. He had no concerns at all and said he looks very healthy. He declared my pregnancy on cruise control and for me to continue as planned. This makes me very happy. Next step? Next week I get my thyroid tested and see my Endo.

This weekend was wonderful. While Bug and I did not feel well on Saturday morning, we were feeling better come evening. We hung out with BestFriend for a little bit and watched Bug sing on a microphone for the first time.

Yesterday was even more fun. We were feeling better so we headed out for our normal chores. As we were driving past the mall we noticed a big top. Sure enough a small circus was in town. We decided spontaneity is the key to life and bought tickets. Really, Sweetie was the one who insisted we do it right then. He loves nothing more in this world than to make her smile. This was Bug’s first circus and she loved it. The elephants and clowns were her favorite. She enjoyed cotton candy, popcorn, and face painting. It was pouring when we arrived, without an umbrella, of course. By the time we left and made it through the mud, we were a little chilly. The solution was hot chocolate. Bug was very serious through the whole event. It wasn’t until we left and she began chatting away about the fun that we knew she had a blast. When I was dropping her off at school this morning she was telling all her friends and it made me smile so big.

I can already tell that this Christmas is going to be awesome. She is so big. I know we originally wanted our kids closer in age. But this is so perfect for us. She is talking about brother a ton. She offers up her baby things for him to use, is deciding what she wants to teach him, and already naming him. Right now it is Mo – from the WallE.

Halloween 2009

just some girl time

Sweetie is hanging out with MIL so it is just me and Bug. We are enjoying some noodles and grapes - we are very simple at times :-) We planned on some baking tonight, but that will depend on Bug. If she isn't in the mood, no big deal. The goal is to relax.

I cannot even express how happy I am to be past the nausea. While I am still suffering some fatigue, being able to eat and drink again is pure bliss. That doesn't mean that I am functioning at full force, sciatic nerve pain has already started and I tire very easily.

Things are a little stressed, but we will survive, as we always do. I have faith that what is meant to be will happen. The main thing is that I want Sweetie happy. He deserves it.

In other news, I am so excited about tomorrow. Bug and I will both be witches. We are going to SIL's again and plan to have a grand time. I hope to get pics uploaded this weekend of the fun.

16 week appointment

We went to my 16 week appointment today. They did an unexpected sonogram to see if they could see sex. The first half the NP thought girl, then the baby rolled over and showed more. She declared that she thinks it is a boy, but nothing certain and that I would find out in 2 weeks at my anatomy scan. Bug heard her say boy and started crying saying that it was a girl. The crying wasn't in a fit sort of way, but very sad. She had Sweetie pick her up and she cried into his shoulder. He, understandably, just wanted to be able to say that it was a girl.

The not knowing for sure killed me. I called the 3/4d ultrasound place a friend went to. I figured if I couldn't get an appointment in before my anatomy scan on the 9th, it wasn't meant to be. Well, they got me in before the 9th. In fact, they got me in today. It was awesome. A sonogram without stress or worry - YAY. Baby was lying just like me with his arms behind his head. This is funny as there is a picture of Bug as a new born with both of our arms behind our head as we slept.

She confirmed what I heard that morning. She stated that she was 99.8% sure that it is a BOY! Yay. We were sure that Bug was a boy. When we found out the sex we were so thrown we took the remainder of the day off. This time we thought it was a girl and once again got thrown off. Goes to show, we don't know much - lol. We are thrilled and happy and excited. Honestly, I am just over the top after seeing strong legs, beating heart, and knowing the sex. I feel like yet another layer of the scared coat that I have been wearing was lifted. I feel like I can shop now, and bond fully with my son.

No worries about Bug. By the time we got home, she was good with the whole baby brother concept.

while my reports run

I think I am going to hop over here and work on some more me time. It does help to write things out.

I am doing better. So far the sink has been clean for two days - this is the first step with Flylady. And last night I did my 15 minutes of laundry. Not much, but a huge start. Tonight is more of the same. However, we are attacking our living/dining/kitchen area. We need a new fridge and in order for that to happen, some organization needs to occur.

A new fitness challenge starts this week. I am hoping to complete this one. No worries, all easy going exercise for me.

OK funny story. Bug and I were having a bit of a disagreement about show and tell and getting ready for school. On the way she said "mom, we are fighting". I couldn't say anything but "yes, honey I think we are." She is getting big. The most wonderful and frustrating part is that she understands so much now. She is so excited for baby - aka Cricket. She wants her (no sex determined yet, Bug just claims she is a girl) to come out now and play. We were discussing Christmas and I told her that I want to do a ton of crafts and baking as I want this Christmas very special for her. She asked me why, and not in a "saying it to hear myself say it" way but in an honest question. I explain that next Christmas is going to be very special with a new babybrothersister, but that this is her last Christmas with just her. I just love her so much. She is my awesome little friend.

Speaking of which, I need to go and get her.

need some good vibes

Most of Bug's friends have come down with the flu this week and last. So far we have been lucky. But today, today when we got home Bug requested we go straight to my bed, snuggle and watch TV. I hope it is just her wanting to take care of me. We have a big weekend planned and I don't want her to have to miss it.

Tonight we focus on resting, hydrating, vitamin C, and a good dinner. I hope it helps. The good news is that her mood is wonderful. Currently she is putting smiley faces all over me.

great evening

Sweetie had softball tonight. This left a girls' evening for me and Bug. We did it up right. We started with some dinner at subway and finished with shopping at Target. She is just so much fun. We bought snack items for an upcoming outing and some fun items. The best part was when I was looking at the sports bras (those who know my daughter should just start sighing now, esp if you remember the "tiger boobies" incident). She managed to put on a sports bra by herself. It was huge, as it should be, but it was just so funny. I, of course, found myself standing there without camera or cell phone. Throughout the trip she kept telling me to stop and showing me how silly she can be.

I know our life is going to change in some major ways in less than 6 months. I hope my girl remains as silly as she is now. She says she is excited about the baby. I know she doesn't understand what it means fully. All we can do it try and prepare her as much as possible. In so many ways having a 5 year difference will be nice.

collective exhale

Let's all together exhale, ready on one...two...three ahhhhhhhhhh!

Appointment was great. Sonogram was wonderful. Baby was facing my back and sleeping. Then it turned to look down and started doing crunches, it was so cute. The tech did say that when we go back for our anatomy sonogram tell baby not to be like that or we will not find out the sex. We go back on 11/9/09 to hopefully find out. That is my birthday week, so I am hoping to buy something pink or blue for my b-day.

I have my regular OB appointment on Wednesday. Bug is going to take me. She asked if the dr was going to get the baby out - since I am c-section I have explained that the dr does it. I told her we have to wait. I think she is disappointed. She wanted baby to be a witch with us for Halloween. 9 months is a long time for a 4 year old.

I am feeling much better than this weekend. I have a little cough, but nothing bad. I am just so beyond happy. I was so scared. I had no symptoms or issues like I did last time. But the fear was there. I didn't fully understand it until after the appointment and I found myself in tears while I was driving. Happy and wonderful tears. You could see the relief on Sweetie's face too.

I just had to get on and spread the happy report.

music for my soul

Today was busy as planned. Bug decided to be a witch for Halloween. Correction, she decided we both will be witches. Soccer was awesome today. Last night Bug was doing great during practice and it showed with the game. She kicked that ball several times - yay. They don't keep score so it is no win or lose, though if you ask Sweetie he will tell you the score. But it all about the fun. I just want to help her learn healthy habits of exercise and confidence. It seems to be working, even after only a little over a week that included 3 games.

Tonight was awesome. We picked up my Godmother and headed to Gumbos. BestFriend's boyfriend sounded amazing, as always. The conversation was fun, the food was yummy, and Bug was better than I even expected. Three hours at an adult restaurant is not the most fun. Luckily, she had BestFriend and Godmother to keep her happy. And it was so good for me. I needed to get out. Even if it ended with me tossing my cookies in the ladies room.

My nose is stuffed up, I am sneezing a ton, and my nausea is kicking my butt. It is all good. I plan to rest up tomorrow.

chililng

Sweetie took Bug to soccer practice. He is so good to me. I just finished an uneventful nap and now I am trying to get something in my tummy before I have to run very quickly to the potty. My lunch was not the best for baby, apparently. I would have thought chicken and pasta - wait stop right there, can't think about it.To top it off, I have a sore throat and stuffy nose. No fever or anything so I think it is just the results of going from a high of 95 on Monday to a high of 58 on Tuesday.

In other news, today I completed a big part of the audit that we are working on. Now we have two weeks to finish it. Then work will be busy and crazy, but on my own terms.

We have our 12 week sonogram on Monday - the appointment that I have been living for. The only issue is that I didn't receive a call reminding me the time. I hope that doesn't mean that they forgot about me or that I slipped off the schedule. I will stay positive, but they will be receiving a call first thing Monday morning.

This weekend is going to be exciting. Tonight, well...isn't, but tomorrow is soccer, Niece's 13th b-day party, and then BestFriend's boyfriend is singing in his first paying gig. We are so proud and cannot wait to spend the evening listening to his wonderful voice.

The nesting is kicking in. The only problem is that I am still nauseous and exhausted. The result? I end up bitchy. But the first step is admitting you have a problem, correct? So I am working on lists, lots and lots of lists.

OK family is home, I am off to spend time with them.

as promised - pics

Bug before dance class.
Before 1st game.
1st game.

5 years

5 years ago today, my world changed forever. The life that I had, would never be the same. This is the day we conceived my daughter. This is a very happy anniversary. We aren't the type of couple to celebrate everything. But the life altering items are important to us. The ones that remind us of what makes us us, and make us look back and see just how far we have come, like looking down from a mountain, baby.

I look back and so much has changed. We have matured, relaxed a lot, changed our focus, and changed jobs several times, lol. Sometimes, it is just nice to look back and smile. Everything that happened in my life led me to this place. This place with my loving husband, beautiful daughter, one on the way, and awesome family. Because of that, I would not change a thing. I have had friends come and go. Even ones that were crappy - I don't hold any anger towards. All is forgiven. I mean, in the whole scheme of things, what does it matter?

Our plans for the weekend are busy. Soccer meet up, two games, and much needed housework. I am hoping that my nausea stays at bay and that I am able to accomplish what I need to. But for now, I am just going to sit here in the silence and enjoy thinking about my family.

Tears, clouds, and beans

Tonight was Bug's first soccer practice. This is a six week "course" on skills. She was the youngest one there and didn't like playing with the older kids. After some tears, Sweetie and Bug went to the side and did their own thing. He had her doing the same drills the others were doing. She loved it. So now the goal is to get her confident enough to do it with the other kids. She meets her team on Friday and that should be good as the kids are her age.

The weather was so beautiful. Blue skies with big clouds and nice cool breeze. Afterward, we went to dinner where Bug ate her favorite - beans with some rice. Yummy. I think it was a very successful evening. Well, except for the bit of attitude I am encountering now, but that is par for the course - wait 5 minutes and her mood will be good again.

I am doing good. Work is getting a little stressed. We have one month to do a ton of work. But that is ok. My back is hurting as well as my hands along with my eyes being very dry again. This is the fun of my sjogrens. My specialist OB told me that people with lupus feel better with pregnancy, but with sjogrens - you just don't know. Great. Not complaining, though. I will endure all the pain I can if it means holding another little one.

13 days until the next appt. This is the one I am most anxious about. Maybe it is good that work is so busy with audit.

No soccer yet

Due to a two day down pour that was more than needed, Bug's soccer game was canceled. That is ok, we didn't even get out of the 70s. It was awesome. We had a great day nevertheless. We shot some video for The Spot Finder, enjoyed driving in crazy ass rain - ok maybe enjoyed is a large stretch. And did some fun shopping. We got soaked after lunch and we even had our umbrella. And thanks to the rain, one video shows the pink and purple polka dot umbrella - hahha. He will look so manly.

Bug also starts dance tomorrow so we had to go and get dance shoes, both ballet and tap - fun. She is so excited. In fact she slept in her ballet shows. I will get pics tomorrow before school, she is adorable in her leotard, if I do say so myself.

The only real issue yesterday was that baby apparently doesn't like pumpkin lattes. How can this be? While I didn't get sick, I felt like I was going to most of the day. The good news is that baby does like Lamme's chocolate covered strawberries - thank goodness. That might have been my breakfast this morning.

I know this isn't a high traffic site. But I want to capture my feelings like I did with Bug. Today is errand day. I am not sure how I am going to plan dinners - nothing sounds good.

Now I must go, it seems Sweetie is dead and we must go to the bookstore to get a new one (very odd game we play, you would have to be us to truly get it, lol).

still hanging in there

So far so good. Still feeling what I should be and doing what I need to do. I cannot wait until the appointment. Work has been busy with an audit. My nausea is fairly constant, but not getting in the way. I am emotional and hormonal, but that is to be expected.

Tomorrow starts Bug's soccer season. This is her first year doing it. I hope she loves it. Saturday is her first game. In preparation we bought a new point and click camera.

Well, I know this has been the most exciting thing on the internet, complete sarcasm. But I am exhausted and must sleep.

thoughts

Not sure where this is going. All I know is that I need to write. So far I am not moving my blog, I may at some point, who knows.

I did not pass my test. The testing site had a network shut down for an hour, I wasn't as prepared as I thought, the week before had extra stress...the list goes on and on. I thought I was ok with it, well really I am. But a part of me is disappointed, as I am human.

My thyroid is doing so much better. I have been on my meds for 7 weeks. I get my blood tested tomorrow. I hope the results prove that my thyroid is on track, I feel that it is. My skin is not better at all. But no one wants to treat anything while I am contemplating pregnancy. Ugh. That is frustrating too. We have not been fully trying. No tracking, no ovulation kits, nothing crazy, simply not preventing. I go back and forth whether I want to just stick with Bug and no more. Then I see siblings and I want her to have that relationship. But the truth of the matter is that I don't know how long it may take. A lot has changed with my health since having Bug.

The worst part of a miscarriage, other than the loss, is everyone knows you want another. They are watching and waiting for me to get pregnant again. If I am sick, they wonder, if I do anything different, they contemplate. Nothing is said to me, but I know it is there. My boss is wonderful, the best I have ever had. I know his wanting to learn all aspects of my job is his fear that I am going to be needing a maternity leave sooner than later. He would never ever ever say it in that way. And the way I wrote it comes across badly. Nothing like that. More like he wants to make sure we have our bases covered in case of a medical leave needed. He hasn't said anything, I am only assuming. And I don't want to wait, but I worry. And there is that I am scared. As I said above, I am human. Of course I am scared.

I am frustrated by my weight. With my thyroid at a normal range, I know that I can lose, I just need to get off my butt. In an attempt to motivate myself I had my family join the Texas Roundup Family Summer Challenge. The goal is to exercise 150 minutes a week for 8 weeks. I am hoping it works. A little motivation can go a long way. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

The good news is that I am in a cleaning and fix it up mood. We have visited some beautiful houses lately. While we cannot afford to move at this point, we want to improve our space. We have plans for the front yard, floors, and painting.

Yes, planning and laughing and being silly and hard work - that will make it all better.