thyroid

Well thyroid is normal. That is good. I know it is. So I don't know what is going on. Perhaps it is just sadness over loss, perhaps it is me going crazy. Who knows. What I do know is that my focus is going to be exercising again and eating right. It is something I can do where I have control. 

In other news I have so much to do this weekend before Christmas Eve next week. It will all get done, just need some focus.

And the verdict is....

NORMAL. 1 year normal (less the slight hypo when I was pregnant). That means remission. My Dr doesn't want to see me again for a year. Since we will be trying to get pregnant soon she wants my blood tested without an appt in March. And since we don't know if I went hypo because of simply being pregnant or because of something wrong with the pregnancy, I am to call when I pregnant again. For now I am not hyper or hypo. I am normal. While I will always have thyroid issues in my medical history and there is a good chances I will be non-normal at some point, I am happy to be normal now.

Now I have no excuse not to study or lose weight.

on the spot

Spontaneous that is. Yesterday BestFriend and I decided we needed some fun. She and I went with a guy friend of her's to see Tropic Thunder. It was funny. Sweetie planned a play date with a friend from work's three year old at the bounce place. They had a blast. All planned at the last minute and it was perfect.

Today I am doing good. I really think I am ready to get back into the whole walk/run/skipping thing. I have been good and following Drs orders and taking it easy. But now that I am at "normal" again, I am ready to get moving.

Tomorrow I give blood for my thyroid. I am not sure what it is going to say. I feel like it is better than in Aug. But I have no clue.

Today is a bullet point day.

• Throwing up nothing first thing in the morning sucks.
• Throwing up while sitting in a car in a parking lot before lunch sucks.
• Throwing up when getting back to work after lunch sucks.
• Having free ice cream day on a day like this sucks.
• I still ate the ice cream, cross fingers it stays down.
• I look cute in black with white polka dots.
• I am wearing maternity clothing. Damn it is comfortable.
• I have no focus for work today.
• Bug wants to buy clothing tonight.
• Brother leaves in two days. I hope to see him tonight and tomorrow night. I am going to miss him.
• Bug told me this morning that she needs to say good bye to him.
• I need to drink more water, I think it is time to break out the bubba keg.
• I saved a cricket today.
• I hope this nausea goes away soon. I have things to do, walking, studying, cleaning, removing everything in a computer room - so much to do and less than 30 weeks to do it.
• I cut my hair short, like how it used to be. I like it a lot. Mostly I did it so I don't notice the hair loss as much with fluctuating thyroid.

Letting go of control

That is the theme for this year. I had to let go of control of our anniversary plans and they turned out awesome. I let go of control of my health and look what has happened - yay. Not that control is bad. That isn't the point. But letting go can be a very good exercise.

So my thyroid is off. It is high (which means slow) according to my OB. But the number they gave me isn't high according to my endo (based on past experience on what range she uses) but it is for my GP. So I went to my GP and they said "oops you are pregnant, I ain't touching that". Ok they didn't say that exactly, but anyway. I called the best in town and asked for the range they use. They told me the same that my endo uses. It amazes me that my GP has the most up to date amounts and not these endos.

My Endo's nurse called me yesterday. She said that they received lab results from my OB and that I am high. YAY they believe it too!!!!

I have an appt with my Endo next month. I am to keep doing what I am doing and get my blood tested then and see where I stand. The nurse said "it seems you have flipped from hyper to hypo, it is rare but it can happen". I tried not to laugh and say "of course, I flipped from hypo to hyper in the first place". Bestfriend pointed out "anything is possible with missy".

So I had faith and I let go of control and my Endo came through after all. YAY. My focus is going to be trying to eat healthier and see where I stand. I cannot wait until this sickness is gone so I can be productive and walk again. I know that will help.

Still here

I have not blogged in some time. I am still here. AC is working, Bug is potty trained 99% - woo hoo. My tactic of not legally being able to buy diapers once she turned 3 worked. OK or maybe it was the compromise of me saying I wouldn't push again until after she turned three. The point is that we have not had her in a normal diaper since the 8th. And she is in panties all day every day. She totally rocks.

Last weekend BestFriend and I joined DarkDiva to get her belly button pierced. I am so glad that we went as support. I don't get a chance to support my friends as much as I truly want, I am making it a higher priority. I have amazing friends and I want to spend as much time as I can with them. And I walked out without getting a piercing or tattoo - amazing. OK only because we ran out of time.

There is drama everywhere. There are 8 couples in my life whose marriages are ending/in trouble. It is heart breaking. I am not one to believe in staying married when things are bad. You have to make it better or get out. Regardless of the situation, it is still emotional.

And I guess it is time to announce. The new thing with work. I am putting the CPA on hold for the time being. I am instead focusing on the CMA - Certified Management Accountant. This is more along what I do. They are both hard tests, same number of parts, education requirement, experience requirement, ethics requirement, and test at the same location. The bottom line difference, the CPA focuses on auditing the financials of a company while the CMA is the one who prepares the financials. I started the process and should receive the notice to test for the first section very soon. Wish me luck. Interesting thing - I had trouble finding a mac CPA review. I have found several CMA reviews for mac. So that is the new thing for me.

OH AND BIG NEWS. I got my thyroid tested last week. It was a nice and NORMAL NUMBER. That means nine months of normal and counting. I truly think they will say remission in Sept when I go back.

We will see how incredibly long all of my little projects will take.

The main thing is that I am feeling good, strong, and happy.

My Bug, oh how I love her:

busy busy busy

This has been a busy week. Monday I got the results of my thyroid test, dr had me go ahead and get it tested, and it is still normal. This means my symptoms are due to stress/allergies - thank goodness. Monday night and yesterday I was at a Sales Conference for work. It was good but busy.

OK that is all. Time to sleep.

blah

I got things halfway solved with the chip timing issue - just waiting for my info to be posted on the sprint site.

I think my thyroid is off again. I am noticing more hair loss, some brain fog, my eyes are not at 20/20 as they were last year, some irritability, and some depression. While I don't want my thyroid out of balance, I kind of hope that is what it is. I would rather have this grumpiness due to thyroid and not the potential of a bad depressive slump. I am not supposed to get it tested again until May. But I am overdue for a physical. I think I will get one and see where it says my thyroid is.

But I refuse to give in to the blahs. I will continue to fight. I ate too much today. I feel icky because of it. But it is not the end. I need to exercise tonight. I hope to walk or at least do a video. The 10k is coming up soon. I need to get some miles in before the fun.

Sunday is Easter. I am not sure what all we are going to do. We need to clean. Maybe that will help get me out of this funk - accomplishing something.

My shoulder is feeling better, but I keep aggravating it. I think it has me down as well. I want to do my weight training, I want to feel better. I keep reminding myself that I have 8 weeks of races so that I need to focus on my walking for now and I can add the weights back in later.

And why can't simply carrying the books that I need to study get the information into my head? I mean seriously, shouldn't that be enough?

OK I am off to be productive, healthy, and silly. I am sure these will help.

Ding

Ding - I'm done. My six months are up. I have been off my meds for six months. And while I do not know where my thyroid is at the moment, I know that the medicine is fully out of my system. Can I see some dancin'?

Six months of no meds means that I am healthy enough to get pregnant. I have several friends who have had babies recently. Bug is changing her mind about the whole baby thing and is now - for the moment that is - saying another might be ok.

Of course that doesn't mean we are anywhere near trying. I still want to get this damn CPA test out of the way. There is going to be some reorganization at my work. Not any job losses, but job changes. I need to have this certificate to prove that this is what I do and I do it well.

And to top it off, I have a hurt shoulder. I am sure it is from using my mouse. Which of course is going to make the studying that much harder. But I can do it. I am Super Woman. This is going to hinder my blogging. And that just sucks.

Blog Block

Blogging has been "less than" lately. I love to blog, I love getting my thoughts out into my own little space, I love that others reading me. But I want it to have more purpose. It is my journal and these are my thoughts. But what is my point? Do I need a point?

The CPA exam is a huge stress for me right now. I have not been able to study as much as I would like. I have been listening to my lectures while working. I have learned that working in a cube has made my ability to zone out to reach a new level. I can completely not pay attention to this boring stuff. I am working on it though. It has to help, maybe it will get into my brain without me having to pay attention.

I think my thyroid is going to be on my mind for the rest of my life. I will wonder if I am hypo, hyper, healthy. I will question every feeling - is it starting again? I test myself to see if my brain is in a fog, BestFriend does the same. I seem to be "on". I don't want to go back on the medicine. I spent 8 months of 2007 over medicated and it was horrible. I don't want that again.

Work is going well. I can not get used to having a boss who listens, jokes, and understands mistakes if you own up to it and put in efforts so things do not happen again. Oh and the big one, he goes to bat for me. I have not had that since HES. It is a strange concept, that people aren't out to get me. And co-worker A is awesome. She takes care of me. If I am having a bad day she brings me diet coke and chocolate. And she talks me up when I am not there - or at least I think she does - there I go paranoid again.

My Bug is awesome. She is smarter by the day. Don't get me wrong, she is not a genius, and I don't want her to be. But her memory is amazing me. And she and I are able to talk now and interact in an awesome way. I love the little hard headed girl that she is. And I worry that everything will change with a second child. I loved being pregnant and I want Bug to have siblings but I worry. This is so much harder than deciding for the first one. And then there is my health, I worry I will have to go through everything I did after having Bug again. And then again, wouldn't it be worth it? When you ask if she wants a baby brother or sister she shakes her head no very dramatically. I think she knows another one would mean sharing. I never wanted a baby brother or sister. I was quite content with being the baby. I knew I didn't share well and never wanted to learn how. So I worry.

And our house. I love our little house. But I do want something bigger, something with more storage. We bought our house thinking we would be there a couple of years. Nine years later we are still there. We love our house. I love how open it is. We just need to organize. I don't want to move only to be stuck with a higher mortgage and find out the maternity leave here isn't what I was told, 100% of pay. And there is so much to do on our house for selling, and the market isn't great. Though based on our neighborhood we could potentially sell for 70k more than what we owe on it, so that makes us happy. We are going to work on getting it sale ready knowing full well we might just decide to stay a tad longer. Plus we have two wild cats we feed, yes I know you feed them and they never leave. We have two inside - two of the most spoiled cats in the world. You would think they never stepped foot outside. As long as they are coming to the back door, I don't see that we can leave. What if the next people don't feed them?

My weight loss is slow. I wish it were faster but I am not about to give up everything in order to lose quickly only for it to come back faster. And I have to remind myself that I am about 15 pounds lighter than SIL#2's wedding. That is awesome. But I feel slow compared to others in our at work group. I have to keep going, each pound makes me healthier. And I am like 38 pounds less than I was at my highest in 2004. All about being healthy.

Sweetie is so awesome with supporting me. He gives me time to get mani/pedis, he offers to take Bug out of the house so I can study, he notices when I clean and makes sure I know how much he appreciates all that I do, and he helps me with my work outs. I am very lucky and I know it.

I know some who are going through rough marriages right now. I hate it. I want to make it better. But ultimately I think if you aren't happy - change something. And if changing doesn't work, perhaps leaving is best. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. As I say, neutral is not an option. Make your life what you want. Either make the marriage the one that makes you happy or find the life you need to live. Sweetie and I have had rough times. For us making changes and refocusing was the best. BestFriend also went through this and divorce was the best. I just think that being unhappy cannot be an option. That only brings resentment.

I truly am feeling good. I think my thyroid is normal. I am noticing the weight loss. I feel stronger with my workouts. I feel smart at work - I answered an accounting question for my boss today - yep he is a CPA. Things are good. Now I need to focus on paying my taxes - ugh still pissed that we owe, make a plan for home improvements (and a loan if needed), and keep up with my studying. If only I could function on less sleep or create more hours in the day.

This has been long. Thanks for letting me get all of that out. Not sure where this blog is going. That is the nice thing. I am in charge here and I will guide it as we go. Have a great evening. I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather with another installment of my walk/run workout.

taking control

I know my blog has been boring lately, talking about happy things and so on and so forth. But here is more :-)

When I received my news on Thursday about my thyroid, I was so very happy. I cannot describe what it did to me. While there is a part of me that is nervous that in May I will be back to Graves', most of me is relieved. I feel so different. BestFriend can tell the difference when I am off and assured me before I received the results that I was normal still.

So no excuses. No excuses for not losing weight, for not being able to concentrate enough to study, for not having enough energy to keep up with things (though I have not had the extreme tiredness since getting off my meds at the beginning of Sept). I have said many times before that neutral is not an option. Not with my health, my marriage, my career, my family.... You get the idea. Idle is not productive.

But what really gets me is the impact of that call. I am so motivated to study now. Though I am blogging instead of cracking the books, but Bug is at the end of a nap and might wake any moment, and I want some quality me time. I feel like I can do anything right now. Not that everything is perfect, it isn't and never will be and quite frankly, I don't want it to be. But I feel solid, that is the only way to describe it.

With my diet I am not focusing on being thin thin. Hell, I am not even focusing on the weight guidelines from WW. Instead, I want to get to a certain number, what I weighed when my thyroid broke. My body loved that weight, as I maintained it for a number of years. It is still considered overweight, and I don't care. That might sound odd as I keep promoting healthy lifestyles and such and being overweight is a health risk and associated with several diseases. My thinking is that the BMI calculation is so flawed. If IronDiva is considered overweight, and OMG she is sooo not overweight, then there is a flaw. It doesn't take into account muscle. So if I get to this weight and I am active and feeling good that is all that matters. And so I am starting my third week of actually following WW and tracking my points and planning.

With weight loss there is needed exercise. Tell me to do an aerobics class three times a week to lose weight and I will not attend. Tell me that I need to complete a certain number of miles in a week to complete a race, I am totally there. I need a training schedule and a goal. There is something about my walking. I weighed 30 pounds heavier when I started training for the halves and was a little over 20 pounds heavier when I completed my second. When I walk I feel able, I feel healthy, and I feel peaceful. Yesterday started my 100 days to the end of the Spring Race Challenge. In my schedule Fridays are rest days. So, yesterday was easy to accomplish. I did not workout and so I was successful. Today is day 2. I did two workouts for all intents and purposes. We took MIL and Bug to the park. We played, climbed, crawled, ran, and kicked the ball. It was a good workout. However, it was not what I had on my training schedule to do. After the fun, Bug went to sleep. MIL and Sweetie went out to spend some time together and I stayed with Bug. If Bug takes a nap at home chances are that I will nap with her. If she has slept at home, I think I have taken a good 99% of the naps with her. Not today. Though I was tired and sleep would have been fun, I took the opportunity to work out. I did my p90 cardio 1-2 workout with abs. After a nice shower, I feel refreshed and accomplished.

Not only that but before getting together with MIL, I decided to clean and organize our bathroom. Our bathroom is not the guest bathroom so it gets put on the back burner. Today I decided I had enough and I did something about it. I feel so accomplished today.

SRC Day 2: P90 Cardio 1-2 & abs - complete

Hopeful Remission

Quick blog. Got blood tested yesterday. I am NORMAL AGAIN. 5 months no meds and I am normal. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! I go back end of May. So 4 months this time. I think if I am normal again they will use the remission word.

Bottom line - no reason that I should not study and pass the CPA.

NORMAL feels so good.

such a monday

I am not having a bad day per say. But it is having its moments. We woke up a tad later than we were doing last week. Bug wanted to play and snuggle - not that there is anything wrong with that, we had fun and made sure to squish her properly. But things were off.

And everything hits at once. Our dryer is making strange noises, our lawn mower is dead, our hot water heater is making noises I don't like - though Sweetie assures me that they are the normal sounds. The house is unorganized. I need to start studying for the CPA again and I feel overwhelmed with organizing the house instead of sitting and studying. I know it is procrastination.

The vacation was everything I could have hoped for. Our renewal was beautiful. The surprise was amazing. But now back into reality. I had a semi sad day yesterday. Nothing horrible. But I planned a brunch with my friends and I didn't get to enjoy their company as much as I would have liked. Just an off day.

Today is gloomy outside. It makes me want to crawl onto my couch with a blanket, a Bug, and a Sweetie. And my training for my 10k needs to start this week. Of course, during the week of cold and wet.

Something interesting. I was looking through spreadsheets and found my weigh in from last year. I weigh the same today as I did last year. Just when I thought I had failed and gained weight, I didn't. I may not have lost, but at least I didn't gain. And considering my thyroid roller coaster, it makes me very proud. But it was also a reminder that the scale is not all that. While I am still doing WW and they still focus on weight, I am not focusing on the weight I need to be. I am focusing on one goal at a time and then moving on. I walked so much and did so much on my vacation that I feel much more comfortable in my skin.

Tonight I am hoping to work out and get some chores complete. Add in some snuggles, giggles, hiding, running, "play me"s, and a huge bubble bath and I will be in heaven. This weather is making my skin so dry, I want nothing more than to lather myself in lotion after our bath.

I am feeling better. I am not going to let sadness get to me. Nope nope.

almost back to normal

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIL#1!!!!

Getting back into the normal routine is hard enough on us adults, it is even harder on a 2.5 year old who doesn't understand what happened. I have been exhausted since getting back. Today was the first day that I felt half way normal and right now I am beat. I know it is the adjusting. Adjusting back to work, back to reality, back to the cold, shut it - cold for Austin. All three of us have been going to bed very early.

We walked so much over the vacation and I desperately want to keep that up. Tomorrow is weigh in. I have missed three weeks worth of weighing in. I am down from when I left on my vacation, but up slightly still due to Christmas. That is how it works. I am not beating myself up for it, I am proud of the vacation lack of weight gain.

Two weeks until I get my blood work done again, yep right back to reality. We toyed with the idea of trying to get pregnant over our second honeymoon, but thought better of it as we are still not out of the 6 month waiting period since stopping my meds. And I do want to know where my thyroid is now. I tell you deciding to have the second is so much harder than the first.

I have had several people ask where the photos are. The last two nights we did nothing productive. We ate, played, and went to bed. Hopefully I can get on this weekend and add them to my flicker, too many to post here.

And what the hell happened while I was gone. We went through Atlanta and met some of the rudest people working at the airport. And while no one was truly rude to us in Barbados (less one time at the bus station, but we aren't dwelling on that) and the cruise, I was missing my Austin niceness. Since I have returned I have only come across rudeness. Seriously did something cosmic happen?

It is time for me to go and get my little girl. She grew so much while I was gone. I missed her so much. I know - everyone should be SHOCKED by that. Have a great evening and I will let you know when more photos are up for viewing.

contemplations

The holidays have been very surreal. I thrived on Bug's reactions to my favorite time of year. And while it was a longer Christmas season, it seemed to pass too quickly to do all that I wanted. And with our anniversary coming up, my focus has been on that.

What do you get the man who makes you happier than anyone else, who knows you better than anyone, who fights for the survival of "you" on a daily basis? The traditional gift is tin/aluminum. Does a can of Mountain Dew really speak my emotions?

Speaking of emotions.... If it wasn't for the little pill that I am on right now, I would swear I was pregnant. I have been crying at ANYTHING. And it doesn't even have to be something I see, just a thought can send me off. It has not been depressed crying - though I did have my normal couple of days in the season where I wanted to crawl into my closet and not come out. Though that was fleeting.

This year I am simply overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with happiness. I feel like everything is going so well. I love it when A at work makes gagging noises when she hears Sweetie and me on the phone, I love it when I hear people say that we are made for each other. I love how hard we have fought and focused and prioritized to get to this point. Ten years ago we were different people. We were young and stupid and yes, in love. We were insecure and didn't even know it. The last 10 years have played like a novel. We have had heartache, feeling lost, losing loved ones, excitement, bliss, sadness, happiness, and the most important, laughter.

Where was I going? I am a very date oriented person. I am a very controlling person. This has not been the case as much lately. Sweetie has something planned for our anniversary. I have no clue what it is. I am not trying to solve the puzzle and ruin the surprise. I have been walking without a stopwatch. And I have been accepting my weight and not letting myself ruin this time in my life because of a stupid number on the scale. This may not sound big, but for me, this is huge.

We still have 4 days in 2007. I am at the point in the year where I look back, think of resolutions and how to improve. 2007 is the year of the Boar. Since BestFriend was born in the year of the boar, she chose the theme of the year - concurring fear. So what have I done with my year? I went to the blog blowout and met fellow bloggers in person - something I would never do. I completed five 5ks. I made the decision to do the RAI - scariest of all only to find out I didn't need it yet. I met old friends and I allowed myself to open up at work and trust people again.

If you know anything about me, you know that I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. This goes for good and bad. Not so much as a "you did something bad so now you have cancer", but in a this lesson is here for you to learn from, this heartache will lead to something more. I never claim to have the answers as to what the reason is. But it is what keeps me going, it is my faith. Take my disease. I do not know where I am right now, could be in remission could be back in Graves'. You have to let go of control with something like this. And just when I thought I had control and the upper hand, the tables turned and I found out quickly that the control that I thought I had was a mirage. I firmly believe that one of the reasons I have this experience is to teach me to let go, that I cannot have control. And most importantly, control does not mean happiness.

I said that the decision to move ahead with the RAI was the scariest thing done this year. That isn't true. The scariest thing was not looking over my shoulder at every turn, to stop waiting for the next big fall. Sweetie gave me a reminder coin to carry with me for my b-day. It says "faith". To trust, to have faith, to let go of control is very very scary. But, for me, it is the only way to find true happiness. It is the only way to live my life with my soul-mate where we will never again accept neutral as an option and we laugh daily.

Wow, I didn't expect that to be so long. I guess it has been coming. Thanks for listening. And to reward you putting up with my ramblings, here is a photo (there was going to be a video but it is taking too long, I will try again later):

feeling better

My sinus infection was bad enough for the dr to prescribe a double dose of antibiotics. I woke this morning feeling so much better. Still a little tired, but I woke contemplating going walking - don't worry I was smart and decided not just yet. Perhaps tomorrow, today is about resting and finishing getting rid of this infection.

Yesterday was Jim's b-day. He came over and we celebrated him. I hope I wasn't too much of a party pooper, I was just tired.

I have felt so bad with this infection that I have not fully celebrated my great thyroid news. I have not even told everyone. I think with feeling badly, it just hasn't seemed real.
____________________________________________________________________
Dear Ex High School Best Friend,
We have not spoken in over 4.5 years. I just want you to know that I find much solace in the fact that your bill collectors are calling my house DAILY to try and find you. However, please pay your bills as it is damn annoying to hear your name on my answering machine over and over. Isn't karma is a bitch?

Thank you
____________________________________________________________________

Now to pictures:

uhm.....ok

First things first, I have a HORRIBLE sinus infection. I have Dr's orders to go home and go to bed until Monday. Am I following them? No, I went back to work. But I did leave early and came home and slept for four hours.

Now onto the important news. I gave my blood yesterday like a good girl. And I got the call this morning about my results. I was all prepared to call and schedule my uptake scan as my final step before the RAI.

There has been a change of plans.

No RAI for me this month. You see my thyroid is normal. It is normal for the old standards, the new standards, and even the brand new standards that Drs in CA are following. Without meds for four weeks and it is normal. They are not saying remission yet. I go back at the end of November and test again. I had to have the nurse repeat herself and I just started laughing.

So what I thought were symptoms have been my brain (nice huh?) and my horrible sinus infection.

I cannot believe it, as of right now I am healthy. HEALTHY. I have not had a normal thyroid since the beginning of 2001. I don't even know what to think, how to act. And this sinus infection has totally stolen the thunder of this wonderful news. GRRRRRR!

So I have no excuses in regard to losing weight or studying for the CPA (though I will be watching my stress levels very closely as that is a cause of thyroid changes). And the best part? I get to continue to take my vitamin and calcium first thing in the morning. You cannot take vitamins and your thyroid medication at the same time. This meant I forgot my vitamins most days.

So not saying remission yet. But I am damn motivated to be healthy and do everything in my power to continue on this no medication route.

Step Two Complete

I gave my blood today for testing. I am ready to feel good again. On top of the Graves' coming back I have a sinus infection, or at least I think. I go to the Dr tomorrow. Normally I would want to suffer through, but I want to be feeling as good as I can when I take my little pill.

I hope to hear from the Dr tomorrow so I can schedule my uptake scan. My goal is still to get the RAI on the 16th, but of course this depends on scheduling and such.

Not much of a post. I just wanted to update everyone on my progress.

into the fog

Well I fully believe that my Graves' is back. No remission for me. All last week I was waking feeling sick to my stomach. I had to eat something like dry cereal to make it better. I didn't have any other symptoms but was wondering if I was pregnant, it was that much like morning sickness. It wasn't until Sunday when we got some breakfast and I got a diet coke and it was making my stomach feel better that I realized the issue. I know I am not pregnant. Instead I was reminded how I would have a diet coke for breakfast when I worked for Telecom and when I was losing all the weight so quickly. It was the same upset stomach feeling. Great! Mom has even noticed that I am getting a foggy brain. I am emotional and on the verge of tears and today I have some depression. I just wish I knew where I stood. I give my blood on Friday. Hopefully I can get my scan next week.

I ate badly all weekend and it caused me a gain, which really is not a surprise. I wanted to eat what I can't when I go low iodine. So chocolate, pastries, and burgers were on the menu. However, that changes today. You see I have three months until our anniversary. It is time for me to start working out again and eating right again and getting all hawt for my man, though he claims I already am ;-)

I changed cubicles on Friday. I am so happy that I did. My old cube just didn't feel right. This one is awesome. It is amazing what kind of change something like this can cause. I was so productive today. And while I feel my fuzzy brain is back in some respects, others I feel more on target - another reason I think I was hypo on my meds. I even brought in my posters from my cube at HES. Feels good to have my things finally surrounding me. I have been so timid for so long, afraid to let anyone in to know me, afraid of getting hurt. My boss has been such a great influence to push me past this. He has no idea at all. I am feeling so good here. I think passing my 1 year anniversary here last week helped a lot. Another sign of my growth is that I have been talking openly about my disease. That is big for me.

Friday will be four weeks since being off my meds. My dr said to be off for three to four. I think I will go for my blood work on Wednesday or Thursday, that way the Dr will get the results on Friday and I can go ahead and call ARA and make the appointment for the scan. I just want to feel normal.

My focus this week is my walking and trying to stay stress free. I am very excited about LiveStrong coming up. I know that I am not going to break any records, I just want to show my support for sure a great cause.

And that brings me to time to head out and get my big girl. Man, she is amazing. On Saturday we went to the park and played. It was so much fun. I have some great pictures to post as soon as I upload them.

Have a great evening everyone, I will try and post pics tonight.

as promised

Pictures are finally here, yay. I am writing this while listening to both Sweetie and Bug snore. It has been a rough week for us and sleep has been limited. We were all in bed before 8:30. I am so tired too, but can I sleep? Nope. Oh well, I figured I would write instead. Things are good today, though my eyes are bothering me more. I have no idea if it is my allergies or thyroid. I hate not knowing, means I am not in control. One more week without meds and I get my blood tested. I am still cautious about it all. BestFriend has planned more with the glow party and it truly makes me happy. I feel like I have a team cheering me on through this.

I found out this week that my friend A is pregnant with her #2. That makes the third person we know who is due in Feb. And while I have said a lot about wanting another baby and how I am getting healthy for that, I just want everyone to know that whatever happens, happens. Sweetie and I have had several long talks about how much we want more children, but if that is not in the cards for us, Bug is awesome and we are thrilled with her.

Weight Watchers at work has not started yet. They are waiting for a leader to be assigned. That is my one main complaint about this set up. With this program you need to find the right leader and there is no shopping around for other meeting/leaders like you can when you attend traditional meetings. Plus I hate it when I know the program better than the leaders. But I am having faith and letting go. I need the support and environment to continue my weight loss. But I must say that I am fighting going off program until it starts. Or the one that is harder to fight, going off until I take the RAI - or rather the week before due to the low-iodine diet. I keep thinking that once I get the treatment that I am going to have to be healthy and why not blow it until then. I know, the other part of me, the angel on my shoulder, says to stay good and that way I have less to lose after treatment. But that devil can be tempting. For lunch Sweetie and I went to Red Robin. I had a bad morning and ate poorly because of it. But I came back to work and counted all the points.

OK on to pictures:
Bug and me at the lake last Thursday. She didn't want her picture taken, she wanted to go and see the water.
The lake.
The geese that chased Bug and me.
My new iPod skin. don't you love it? This is so very me. And it makes me smile. Now I can listen to the CPA reviews at work.
And my new walking shoes. The photo does not capture the color. They are brown. Chocolate actually. I really like them, hope the feel great after walking for awhile. I think I was drawn to them because on the low-iodine diet you cannot eat chocolate.