We will miss you Deb!

We will miss you Deb!
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Deb left our world today. She was an amazing, motivating, brilliant woman. She leaves behind her a following that spans the country wide. She had a way with words. In the midst of her own battles she would remind us to enjoy the sun and eat a fresh salad. She influenced me in ways I never would expect from an internet friend. I was lucky enough to meet her in person to celebrate her b-day in 2007 at a small Greek restaurant in Austin. It felt like seeing an old friend. That was just how she was.

Please send prayers to her family, luckily her life was filled with a large and loving one, and most importantly her daughter.

The world will miss Deb. She made an impact on more people than most do in a longer lifetime.

Thank you, Deb, for everything!

D&C complete

Last night MIL, SIL, BIL, Niece, and Mom hung out with me. It was good to be surrounded by family. Mom took bug home with her as I had to be at the hospital at 6 in the morning. It was good as I cried my eyes out. This morning I took a nice shower where I cried some more. It was strange to cry so much when I felt so numb.

Sweetie has been awesome. We quickly went into couple mode. We aren't like everyone else. We are the type to laugh at a funeral. We laughed 99% of the time we waited for the procedure. It is how we roll. That is why I keep him around, he can make me laugh at the hardest times.

The procedure itself was not bad. I went to sleep and then they woke me. I didn't even know anything had been done. Now I am in some pain, but nothing horrible. I am at Mom's so she can take care of me. Sweetie is with me but did mention he might go into work when I am sleeping, to distract himself. I don't blame him.

I am doing good. I am feeling the emotions, but have a very healthy sense of everything. I am not giving up on giving Bug a baby brother/sister.

I hate to cut this short, but my vicodin is kicking in and I need a nap in a bad way. THANK YOU for all the emails, comments, calls. I know how loved I am. I am truly grateful.

Not meant to be

The appointment didn't bring the good news I was hoping. The baby measured at 9 weeks. As I should have been 11 weeks, I knew the situation right then. He searched for heartbeat. There wasn't one to be found. I lost the baby. I go in for the D&C tomorrow. I am off from work for the remainder of the week.

Currently I am surrounded by family. Sweetie, Mom, MIL, and SIL are here to support me. I am beyond words.

Dr said we can start trying again after my next period. I don't think we will be ready by then but it was good to hear. He also said due to it being this late and how it is happening that it was a genetic issue and not meant to be. It is easy to say that, but it still hurts.

I am off to find a stiff drink. I think it is ok to be hung over for the D&C, right? I guess I have to start exercising and eating right.

Goodbye Bosco, RIP

This morning Mom and I had to make the very hard decision to put our lab, Bosco, to sleep. It was a hard decision. He was an old dog and we simply couldn't deny it any longer. We got him when I was in high school. He is the last of the dogs that my Dad had. It feels like we are losing the last attachment to him. It simply hurts. Work is understanding. I called in and left a message that I am sure was quite nonsense sounding, I was crying too hard. Mom and I have been mourning with many tears, some shopping, and, of course, food.

Rest in peace my dear puppy, I love you!

lost all words

Can't talk, too hard, crying cannot stop. I just need my alone time. We had to make the hardest decision ever. Just not fair. Hurts too bad.

RIP Alley - my big girl, my love, MY cat, our home will never be the same without our "dog".

and we begin the ride of the 10th anniversary

Ten years ago today is when my dad went into the hospital. Ten years ago tomorrow is when we lost him. This is always hard on me. I think about everything that has happened since we lost him, how much has changed. Luckily, I believe that he is watching us and checking in. Mom and I have talked about that day and have discovered that we both remember different things. We are both soldiers, we do what we need to in time of need.

Every year we gather and remember my father. We go to the lake where we scattered his ashes. However, this year we are adding something different. I decided that we are going to celebrate life instead of mourning death. Mom and I are leaving work early to give blood. We are going to save lives. This is going to be our new tradition.

And after tomorrow's donation, I will qualify for a mug. OK, fine, I admit it, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

Last night was not a picnic as planned, instead we went to dinner to celebrate Sweetie finishing a big project. Sweetie was awesome and brought me home a card and yellow daises. Here is a pic of Bug from last night with her new do:Tonight has been a wonderful step in parenting. We introduced Bug to Invader Zim. We are such good parents.

goodbye

Sweetie's Grandpa passed away today. He was not my "in-law". He was my grandpa too. For nearly half of my life I knew him. He was a great man, a proud man, a fun man. He would tell me stories and show me photos. About two and a half years ago his mind started to deteriorate. He moved into a facility earlier this year and quite frankly, was no longer the man we knew. He created a safe environment on the inside and chose to stay there. The brain is a very complex and interesting organ. And while we knew he was on "comfort care" and knew it was coming soon, it still hurts. He was the last of the grandparents. I am waiting to hear when services will be and what MIL needs from us.

Today has been filled with drama and emotion. Life is just too short for drama. Not that we shouldn't be happy. Sometimes reaching happiness requires drama.

Kiss and hug your loved ones. They are your everything.

Rest in Peace

July 1997 - July 2007

Rest in Peace my dear Abby. You will always be the forever kitten to me. Ten years was not enough time with you. You always brought me a smile; the way you would hop to reach a hand for pets, your chortling, or you rolling off the banister and falling down the stairs in apartment #2. Our home will never be the same without you. You were the one who kept her promise about not getting big. We love you and will miss you greatly. I found her. Not fair. Not fair at all. I was coming into the room to blog about good things when I saw her. Sweetie is now out running - he isn't doing well with this. She was his baby. I know people lose pets everyday. I know she was 10. I don't care. She was my kitten. Her sister, Allie, is hiding under the bed mourning. It makes me want to cry more. This is our first loss since being on our own. It cuts deep.

Earlier today Sweetie and I scheduled to take Friday off to spend a couple day together. After tonight it will be greatly needed. Send good thoughts that my other babies stay healthy.