Post more, damnit

I was instructed to post more :-) This came from my BestFriend. She knows something is up with me when I don't post.

Work has been crazy busy and the next two weeks are likely to have a lot of overtime. This is due to good things. I don't want to post about any of it until it is concrete - but it is good. That and the auditors that were due back in February are finally here. Yay, nothing like being very busy and then add having to answer questions about ledgers that were created by the person before you.

This brings me to the CPA. I am Superwoman. Yes, I am. OK, fine, I am not Superwoman, but I tend to have a Superwoman complex. I can do it all. But you hit a point when priorities have to be reevaluated. Yes, I could pass this test. Yes, I could study and study and study and accomplish that goal. But at what cost? I put my all into school. I have been there and done that. Studied and studied while working. And you want to know the truth, my marriage suffered. There were other factors at play, but it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I am easily stressed. When I get stressed, I get bitchy. No one likes a bitchy Missy. And now it isn't just about Sweetie and me. There is a little girl involved.

I made a decision today. I would rather postpone the test and not miss out on five weeks of my family. Well, I don't like the term postpone. The truth is that I am not postponing any of my studying. I am only changing my testing date. I am not saying that I am postponing the test and not starting to study until later. Nope, the studying is still happening. Sweetie and I agree that testing later and making sure that I am ready with less stress (though there will always be stress associated with the test) would be best. This way I am not trying to force so much into my limited time. The bottom line is that there are four sections. And even if I tested with the original plan I would start studying again for the next section that next week. OK I am rambling. But it is a good thing. And I feel better.

After this decision was made, you know what I did tonight? I walked again and listened to another 2 lectures. Yep, told you that I still on with the studying. Today was the second walk during my second walk of my 10k training. Tonight's walk felt GREAT. I swore that I was flying - though my time was only like 6 seconds sooner. While I might not have been faster, I did walk better and I ended feeling charged and not worn out. While I had some sweat, I wasn't totally red and dying.

This was a good thing as when I got home Sweetie was in the driveway with a co-worker and the co-worker's son and future DIL. Sweetie did a business card for the son and in return is getting his motorcycle looked at. It should be back up and running very soon. YAY!

OK I think that is all that I can post now. Time to go to sleep. This is my boy, Bob, with Bug. He is the BEST kitty to snuggle while sleeping.

wearing sunglasses in the rain

Oh where oh where has Missy gone? Things are busy at work, I am trying to focus on studying, all the while enjoying my family. That leaves me little time. Over the weekend we finished Mom's garage. Now the record breaking rain needs to stop so construction can begin.

I also purchased my outfit for SIL#2's wedding. Since it is an outdoor wedding in mid July, I went very summery - bright colors and light fabrics.

And I have been busy with exporting the audio from my cpa review lectures. This way I can listen while I walk. Might sound boring to most, but it is motivating to me. Work out and study at the same time. And I walked three times last week and again this morning - though today was the first day with my new audio technique. I am on track for my 10k training.

Things have just been busy. And I am stressed. I get bitchy when I get stressed. Blah. Oh, and I got my crown today - yay no more temporary crown.

I am just having one of those weeks where I feel like a supporting character in my life. Don't worry, nothing huge. I am sure it is the combination of the relief of finding out that I am healthy and needing to focus on the test.

But these allergies are killing me and my throat hurts. I had to get some ice-cream to help with that.

I could just use a vacation right about now. Which means we need to start planning for our family vacation this year. This year's theme is the opposite of last year, relaxation all the way.

Healthy

Well, I got the results. While my WBC is still high, it is yet again lower. There is nothing to indicate the reason it was up. No infection and *THANK GOODNESS* no leukemia. They tested for several cancers as well many other things. My uric acid is a little high, but nothing to worry about.

Bottom line, I am healthy and go back in one month to retest. YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Thank you for all your positive thoughts, I think they helped. And a few rainbows never hurt anyone.

Almost time

Almost time to go to the Doctor. I have not heard anything so I am convincing myself that means it is nothing. But I am stressed. My eye has been twitching and just now my lip started twitching. It feels funny.

And all of this has gotten into my dreams. I have normal and sane dreams. Sweetie has adventure/comic book/ninja dreams, but not me. Night before last I dreamt that my little family was in a country at war and trying to stay hidden from the gun fire and then last night I dreamt that 183 and the toll roads collapsed and we were caught under. But in both dreams we survived. And in last night's I was saving people. So I know the stress is getting into my dreams but it seems that I feel confident in my abilities to overcome anything.

I walked this morning again. That keeps me on schedule of my training. Yay!

I just want to hear something concrete when I go in this afternoon.

Still here

Very very very busy at work. But wanted to stop in and say that I am still here. No word from the Doctor, so that is good. I go in tomorrow. And I even walked yesterday morning, yay me.

he never saw it comin'

Happy Father's Day to my Sweetie. He is the best father ever. Today is his day. And we have done exactly what he wanted, a laid back and fun day. Nothing too exciting or adventurous as last night was the Keep Austin Weird 5k.

For this 5k people dress up or do silly things. This is not beyond my Sweetie. He ran the entire 5k backwards. That is right, backwards. If you know anything about my Sweetie, you should know that if he puts his mind to it, he can do anything. He is amazing like that. The best part was that he was smart and put his number on his back, as it was his front for the race, so that his name could be called. And he is doing good today, only his calves are sore.

I ended up sitting the race out. I was not feeling well and felt my muscles tired from the walk from the parking garage. Ugh. Whatever is going on with me is definitely taking a toll. While I may not be fast, I can normally do a 5k without any training. Oh well, I will be feeling better soon. So what did I do while my friends raced? Oh I watched people finish and I ate Popsicles.
Spending this weekend with friends and family helped my mood a lot.

Now I go back to my family and finish up celebrating my Sweetie.
Happy Father's Day, Terry, I love you.

sorry, just need to vent

It is Saturday morning and I am up before my family. That just isn't right. So I find myself here. I am feeling blue. I hate it. Yes, it is over my health. I know everything will be ok. Let's face it, whatever it is, it will be ok. I am strong, I can take it all. I just feel like I have no control right now. The worst part is being told "it will be ok" or other generic statements. I know it is meant well. But I am the type of person who does not live on statements like "it will be ok", I want a plan of attack, I want to know HOW to make it ok. And I have yet to hear a doctor say "don't worry, it is nothing" or "it will be ok" so I have been a little distracted.

This CPA thing is bugging me to no end. I am stressing on it. Do I postpone, or continue? I need to know what to do as I have 6 weeks to complete my studying. And Sweetie, while I love him, is driving me nuts. I told him I was stressed about the test and he said "you will pass it wonderfully". That is not what I want to hear, I want a brainstorming session where we plan how I can pass while my body is tired and my brain is distracted. I have consulted four people on the subject. Two say to postpone now regardless of the outcome on Thursday and focus on health and to test when my kids are older. Two say to push through and use it as a distraction from everything else, that I should use it as something I can control. I hate decisions.

My eye twitch returned. It means I am stressed. Then Mom finds stress can elevate your WBC. Great.

Today is the Keep Austin Weird 5k. I am not looking forward to it. Yes, my friends will be there, but I want to sit in my hole until Thursday. I know that isn't healthy. It is just how I am feeling. Being around friends will be good.

Mom and I figure, as no one had heard of Graves' before I was diagnosed, that I have some rare disease that I will get to explain every time I tell someone. Nothing as well known as cancer. LoL, I guess you would have to be there because this truly got us laughing. Not that cancer is anything to laugh at.

Thursday night Mom hung out with us as I needed her, and she is the best after all. I told everyone that I needed to get out of the house so we went to dinner. After dinner we came out to find the most beautiful double and full rainbow ever. I took it as my sign that I am going to be ok. And if you were in Austin that night and saw it, I hope you liked my sign. I am good and I share. Actually, it brought some huge smiles my way and made me try to follow it - the gold would be nice about now- and we ended up getting Gelato. mmm mmmm peanut butter cup gelato.

It is 9:45 and I just had someone come to the door. I peeped out the peep hole and see two suites with their little note pads and address books. Look, don't come to my house before 10 on a Saturday. I did not answer. I should still be sleeping after all.

Yes, I am in a mood.

Father's day is tomorrow. I need to do some shopping today. And the grocery store. UGH. And Sweetie hasn't figured out what he wants to do yet. Blah.

OK I think I have vented enough. I am going to go and get dressed for the day, hopefully that will help the mood.

the beat goes on, and the beat goes on

vampires!

BestFriend believes that this whole ordeal is due to vampires. I thought she was being silly and trying to take my mind off of things. Little did I know she was right.

The Southwest Regional Cancer Center is very nice. I never wanted to know that, but anyway. I went alone and arrived early. The receptionist was so very nice and made me feel very comfortable. While I was checking in she told a co-worker that there were three new people, two with appointments before me, and then me. At 20 minutes until my appointment, the male nurse called my name. I was taken back before the other two appointments before mine. He took me back and weighed me and took me to a room. As we walked to the room he hesitated and said "oh he won't mind if we use this one". I thought this was odd. As he was taking my temp he said "normally another nurse handles this stuff, but he wanted to see you right away".

Great.

The doctor came in quickly after and took me to another room. Long story short, he asked me questions and felt me up. After what felt like an eternity while he wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote he told me "high WBC can mean a lot of things, an infection, and other things". He was good and didn't say the C word. He ended our meeting by sending me to the lab and saying that he wanted to see me in a week. However, he told me that if the results are serious he will call me before. I hope I don't hear from him.

Oh and he also said, "well, your meds can cause a low WBC as a side effect, but not high, so we know it isn't that". WTF? I already decided that was it. I already figured it all out, I would be taken off the meds and get the RAI in September. Why did I waste all my money on medical school only to be told that I am wrong? Oh that is right I didn't go to medical school. So I guess I don't know much. Actually I didn't even tell him that was my thinking, I think it was the first step, check current meds for side effects

I gave SIX vials of blood and made my next appointment for Thursday at 4:15.

So the results are - we still don't know ANYTHING.

I did ask if it was ok for me to do the Keep Austin Weird 5k on Saturday. He told me yes and that I should do everything that I want to. So that is good. It isn't like I am blogging this from a hospital room or anything. But damn, I want some answers.

Since this post has been so serious I thought I would end on something funny. Since today is FUG Thursday , I have something to contribute. This is my girl, so I can FUG her. She demanded to wear these shoes. They do not match. I hope she learns that this is a no no before high school.

shopping always helps

Appointment tomorrow is still scheduled. I got the retest results today. While the WBC is lower, it is still high. Blah. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. I know it is just the meds, but still. I don't want yet another doctor, I don't want to go through another weekend not knowing. My appointment is at 4:15. There is no way that I am going to walk out of there knowing anything. And Fridays are always hard to get answers. Luckily Saturday is Keep Austin Weird, so that will be a nice distraction with many friends.

So I called my Endo yesterday and spoke to the nurse - as she is the one who calls me with my results and is my first line of contact. I told her my GP said my levels were too high and that I was hypo according to the new standards. She responded with "She (the Endo) is the expert". I said that I knew and reexplained the new standards. The nurse responded the same "well, she is the expert and if she said for your meds to stay the same then your meds need to stay the same". She didn't follow it up with "would you like to speak with her" or anything like that. I finished the call with "ok then, I might be looking for a new endo". UGH. I will call back after tomorrow's appointment and speak directly with the doctor. However, I have been looking and found my next doctor if it comes to that. Needless to say, this did not make my day wonderful.

I hate the unknown. I can handle anything, I am strong. However, I just need to know what it is. I am sure that tomorrow's appointment will result in me off my meds. I am ok with that. However, I know what Graves' did to me before. I remember the fuzzy brain, not being able to think of words, and things not making sense. I totally thought, at the time, it was new-mommy brain. But when the meds started working and I got my brain back, it was like night and day. I am ok with being in this state as we determine the right path for me. However, I worry about being able to study for the CPA. I hate.hate.hate putting it off again. But I do not want to fail when my brain isn't mine and waste the money. Does that make sense? But at the same time I do not want to postpone simply due to fear. UGH!

I am just tired of waiting. It seems it is all I do, waiting for the next blood test, waiting for results, waiting for the next doctor. I want to just be healthy. Is that too much to ask for?

In other news, I went out during lunch and found a potential dress for SIL#2's wedding. It fits nicely but with a little loss would fit better. And the best part, it was less than twenty dollars. It was cheap enough that even if I decide against it for the wedding that I needed it for potential other outings, like Sweetie's b-day. And because I bought a slinky dress, I got a salad for lunch. See I am taking control of what I can control.

Please send positive thoughts my way around 4:15 tomorrow.

inhale slowly, exhale slowly

I went to my Dr today regarding my white blood count. I expected a prescription for antibiotics and a request to test again in a few weeks. Nope. I didn't think the count was that high. But sure enough the Nurse and the NP said "yes it is high". Bottom line, my sugars are ok, I got to give more blood today to retest, and I got to call the Cancer Center to make an appointment with a hematologist. You want to freak out? Call the Dr your Dr says you need to call even before getting the retest results and hear Cancer in the locations name. BLAH.

And you know how I posted a while back about the thyroid levels being re-standardized and hypo is now anything over 3, used to be 5, and how my Dr and lab are using the old way? Well, once again I am over 3 but they say I am good. The NP today looked at my levels and I said "I really thought I was going to be declared hypo, I am so tired". She said "You, are hypo, this form is with the old standard". So I get to call my Endo tomorrow and request a med reduction due to the outdated standards being used. My retest results should be in tomorrow, then they will fax them to my the hematologist and I meet with him on Thursday afternoon.

Nothing is wrong, I only need to go off the meds (I have repeated this to myself a million times today). The problem is that I can't go off of them completely until we determine that is the cause. Blah. I am just tired from it all. I talked at length with the NP about the RAI option, which I have been thinking about lately, though I still hate the idea to my core. Both my GP and NP think I need to do it. Even more now with the most recent test results. Maybe this was my sign from God to scare me into doing it. Well, it worked. Sweetie and I agree that as soon as I get a clean bill of health that I am going to talk to the Dr about getting the radiation.

And of course this all happens when I need to start cranking on my CPA study. I cannot concentrate today to save my life. I want to reschedule but to do that would mean getting another three month window. I think I will wait until after I talk with the Dr to determine the best route. I mean I want the CPA very badly, but I want to be healthier even more. The worst thing I have heard with the RAI is weight gain - not allowing that to happen as I got enough from my current meds - and the process of getting the medication level figured out. This can be tricky as the radiation continued to radiate, it just slows down. And when your thyroid is out of whack, you are out of whack. It is hard to concentrate, hard to do things. Blah.

But I am staying positive. And I will keep all my peeps updated.

we like to party, we like to party

The party is over. It was a great success. But first, let's talk about Thursday. It was her actual b-day. Sweetie and I took off from work to enjoy her. First was the Dr and her 2 year well check up. She is up to 22 pounds, 32.5 inches tall, with an 18 inch head. And I am so lucky to have the Dr we have. He doesn't care what the percentages are. All he cares about is that her growth curve looks healthy and curves. I mean if you spend one minute with this child you know she is healthy healthy healthy. We then brunched at LaMadeline. After a splendid nap and some shopping, it was time to hang with some family. It was a great day.

Today was the party. It was so much fun. We had four of her friends from her day care come as well as family and friends. It was so nice. The kids had a blast. They ran and ran and ran and ran. Apparently to a two year old running and then playing in the ice/water is all it takes to make a great party. Bug wanted to play with her friends during the present opening and only made it halfway through. The rest we opened once we got home.

Bob Damnit!

B-day was great yesterday. I will include all about her day after the party tomorrow. Today the post is about me. I got my test results. I got the ever so great news - AGAIN - that my thyroid levels are great and to keep on the meds the same. UGH, are you kidding me? However, my white blood count is high so I have to go see my GP on Monday. At that time I am going to ask about my exhaustion. I am sure the counts are high because of a sinus infection. I feel like pooh pooh with my allergies. So I am sure I will be back on antibiotics - FUN!

My mood is crap today. I feel out of control. Blah.

But I heard the funniest, and scariest thing ever. On the radio I hear "we are seeking sexually active women between the ages of 18-45 to participate in a investigational trial of birth control", WTF? A trial on birth control. LOL. I can see it now, child you are here because I got the sugar pill in the trial" - hahahahahaha. OK so it is my sense of humor today. I mean I know they have to test this shit, how else do they determine the 99% effective rate. But how funny is it to have an ad for something as serious as birth control?

My mom thinks I need retail therapy. I already planned on leaving early to pick up some items for tomorrow, less the cakes which have to be picked up tomorrow morning. However, she is trying to get me to leave even earlier and go shopping first. My boss is out of town and his boss just said she is about to leave. hmmmmm.

My Two Year Old

Bug is two today. Two years old! She is officially a kid. She speaks, runs, plays, hugs, kisses, and snuggles better than ever. She says she loves me. And yes she says "I love my daddy", but she also says she loves her toes. She is my little buddy. She is a mini-Missy through and through. We giggle the same, sleep the same, and sing silly songs the same. She is silly, funny, and so very caring. I adore this little girl. But what I adore more than anything is watching Sweetie with her. He is amazing. He is the greatest father ever. Two years ago our relationship changed. No longer was it about the two of us, we have had a third person to consider and adore. We became a family. I adore our family. Happy Birthday, Bug. I love you! You amaze me every single day. Thank you for being my little girl.

Two more 5ks scheduled

Today is a good day. I am feeling great, very positive, and looking forward to my day off tomorrow. I should be working for that very reason, but nah.

I was supposed to get my blood drawn today. I admit it, I put it off. I justify it by saying that I can do it tomorrow before or after Bug's 2 year check up as they are next door to each other. But the bottom line is that I am scared. I am scared of hearing "no change" yet again. Blah.

I registered for two 5ks today. I think to make myself feel in control. On 6/16 we are doing Keep Austin Weird and on the Fourth of July we are doing one for a charity that IronDiva works closely with. Now I need to get my butt back out the door and walk. The rain lately has taken my training a little off course. Not too bad, but they say the wet is over and now I have no excuses. Well, who am I kidding, I can ALWAYS find an excuse.

In case anyone is keeping track: June 16th Keep Austin Weird, July 4th Nelson 5k, Oct 14th LiveStrong Challenge, Oct 21 IBM 10k, Nov 4th Race for a Cure, March 30th Cap 10k. We are going to be so busy. But that is a good thing.

OK off to start the celebrations. Don't worry pictures will be posted tomorrow of our b-day girl.

Tut tut, it looks like rain

It is raining, again. Last night was a big thunderstorm and today is another. I love thunderstorms but hate driving in them.

This weekend was very very busy. Friday was family night with the help of Mario Party 8 . Sweetie and I are officially addicted. Saturday was a quick trip to Waco to visit Grandpa-in law. It was an emotional trip and I am so glad we were there for MIL. Now I have a goal to get everyone in the family healthy. Saturday night was so much fun. I can't wait to hang with the Austin girls again.

Then Sunday was getting everything for Bug's 2nd b-day party. We are not doing a big party. We are not doing an overly themed party. But damn there is a lot of little things needed. We were so busy that Mom and I completely forgot about the sewing party. UGH, I think SIL#2 understands, at least I hope so. The good news is that while at the grocery store we ran into one of Bug's best friends and he is going to make it to the party - YAY.

This is going to be such a great week. I cannot wait until Thursday. Sweetie and I are taking off from work to spend the whole day with Bug. With our big girl. OK enough sap for today, I know more will come during this week - acause I am just sappy like that.

I don't know if I will get a walk in tonight or not. This thunderstorm is huge.

Drunk blogging

I is drunk. lol. BestFriend was the bomb and was my DD - yay free pepsi. TBG was in town so we had to party.

These are our first drinks, isn't the little one cute? It is called a mini-margarita. Here we are, thank you BestFriend for taking the picture. We had a good dinner and then went to Cedar Street. It was a lot of fun. I hope you had a great time in Austin, TBG.

And, FYI to all husbands of drunk wives - do not point out slurred words. It does not help you in the bedroom activities no matter how cute you claim it is.

Ok I am going to bed for now. Let's hope the world does not spin as I enter my bed, as I am too short to put one foot on the floor. TxMom kept buying me drinks. I soooo owe her a few one of these nights.

TGIF

Today is Friday, thank goodness. Why is it the short weeks always seem so long? My allergies are killing me. But I shall live. Tomorrow night is the mini-blowout and I get to see TBG. YAY! I am even bringing BestFriend and HowieMaui with me.

I am feeling a little out of control. My studying is behind (hope to get back on that bandwagon this weekend), the house is a mess, and I feel out of touch with my eating and exercising. This just means that I need to sit down and make a plan, yes in excel. A plan can solve anything.

Then this weekend is studying, partying, and shopping for Bug's b-day items. Next week is Bug's b-day and when I give my blood again. I am hoping, yet again, for a reduction in my meds. I truly feel there is something wrong and with everything I read, it points to my meds being too high. If that is not the case then I need to sit down with my dr and try to figure it out. Blah.

And I just have to leave with this one mommy story. Bug's new thing is saying "I like xxx" or "I love xxx". She first said it about Sweetie - never going to live that one down. But last night she said it about her ball, her toes, the wall..... so very cute.

Oh and happy Blogversary to me - three years now. Wow, so much has changed.