shopping always helps

Appointment tomorrow is still scheduled. I got the retest results today. While the WBC is lower, it is still high. Blah. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. I know it is just the meds, but still. I don't want yet another doctor, I don't want to go through another weekend not knowing. My appointment is at 4:15. There is no way that I am going to walk out of there knowing anything. And Fridays are always hard to get answers. Luckily Saturday is Keep Austin Weird, so that will be a nice distraction with many friends.

So I called my Endo yesterday and spoke to the nurse - as she is the one who calls me with my results and is my first line of contact. I told her my GP said my levels were too high and that I was hypo according to the new standards. She responded with "She (the Endo) is the expert". I said that I knew and reexplained the new standards. The nurse responded the same "well, she is the expert and if she said for your meds to stay the same then your meds need to stay the same". She didn't follow it up with "would you like to speak with her" or anything like that. I finished the call with "ok then, I might be looking for a new endo". UGH. I will call back after tomorrow's appointment and speak directly with the doctor. However, I have been looking and found my next doctor if it comes to that. Needless to say, this did not make my day wonderful.

I hate the unknown. I can handle anything, I am strong. However, I just need to know what it is. I am sure that tomorrow's appointment will result in me off my meds. I am ok with that. However, I know what Graves' did to me before. I remember the fuzzy brain, not being able to think of words, and things not making sense. I totally thought, at the time, it was new-mommy brain. But when the meds started working and I got my brain back, it was like night and day. I am ok with being in this state as we determine the right path for me. However, I worry about being able to study for the CPA. I hate.hate.hate putting it off again. But I do not want to fail when my brain isn't mine and waste the money. Does that make sense? But at the same time I do not want to postpone simply due to fear. UGH!

I am just tired of waiting. It seems it is all I do, waiting for the next blood test, waiting for results, waiting for the next doctor. I want to just be healthy. Is that too much to ask for?

In other news, I went out during lunch and found a potential dress for SIL#2's wedding. It fits nicely but with a little loss would fit better. And the best part, it was less than twenty dollars. It was cheap enough that even if I decide against it for the wedding that I needed it for potential other outings, like Sweetie's b-day. And because I bought a slinky dress, I got a salad for lunch. See I am taking control of what I can control.

Please send positive thoughts my way around 4:15 tomorrow.