Well, that is the joke anyway. That everything in the world really is about me. It is funny as I really do not feel this way. But in one sense I do think that people come into my life for a reason.
There was a reason I responded to the Team in Training flyer in 2003. I discovered an amazing organization. Because of this, I had the wonderful opportunity to work in my dream job for 7 fun months. Unfortunately, the bills piled on and student loan payments started, I simply could not stay at the non-profit level. I left feeling very strongly about the programs that LLS provides. And at a very hard time in my life I found Deb's blog. I sat in the LLS office reading her story, in tears, having it hit closer to home due to her cancer. She gave me hope, she reminded me that not all parents get to tuck their children into their beds every night. She gave me another outlook on my own issues. When she passed away, it hurt. I had only met her once while chatting other times. I was so moved we even went to her funeral. This was very out of the norm of my introvert personality. I will forever remember Deb.
"Remember to cross your bridges and NOT take a single breath for granted." I read this today on another friend's blog who has had another huge impact. She fights cystic fibrosis, and she is quite a fighter. She was a friend of Sweetie's dad and I am always reminded of him when I think of her. She knew us when we were young and stupid, and somehow still likes us, lol. Unfortunately, due to her illness we have not seen her in a long time. I now have two germ factories with me and the bottom line is my fear of getting her sick - that would break my heart. Luckily, there is blogging and facebook. Her positive attitude and constant fight reminds me to never take health for granted, to never take a breath for granted. I send her all my prayers and positive energy to continue the fight.
The other huge impact is BestFriend. She came along at a time when my "friend" was very negative. She taught me a friend can be your biggest fan. She reminded me to not take my marriage for granted, that a pink wig in Starbucks can make the best day, and silly is something needed on most days. She also taught me to never take my fertility or children for granted. And because of her, I don't. I can honestly say that I take time each day to thank God for my family. I look forward to many more lessons from her, as I am not letting her get away any time soon. We have a contract, after all.
Now I do not believe these people exist because of me and my issues. No, but I do believe they are in my life to teach me lessons and to sharpen my focus. The same is with the ones who were negative, they taught their own lessons, to appreciate what I have, to lighten up, and that I cannot control everything in this world. A younger version of me tried, and failed. That is something huge that has changed in the last 6 years. I have let go of a lot, tried to stress less, and to surround myself with those who amaze me. Johnson & Johnson is correct, a baby changes everything. That is something I take pride in, the fact that I can see how I have changed and matured over the years. Every event, situation and person had an impact.
It is funny, right now my focus is on weight loss, but it is for health, not to get into my size 2 shorts again. Before, I would get obsessed with focus on the end, anything less was failure. And sure enough this failed. I was dealt hands that, once again, were not in my control. My thyroid broke and I gained 30 pounds in less than a year - and didn't even lose while training for a half marathon. Then I finally lose weight after Bug only to find out it is because my thyroid went the other way and the medicine would cause weight gain, hello 30 pounds back. Then my meds were the wrong dosage and hello another 30 pounds. This put me in a place where I had 76 pounds to lose (only 53 left now). This made me "hit bottom" and change my mindset. This time I have many mini goals and rewards along the way and I am trying to live my life and not try to lose as fast as I can. This is the first time that my priorities are truly, losing it for me, losing it for my health, losing it for my family. Luckily, Sweetie is so awesome and has been watching the kids at a moments notice if I want to work out. This helps in the feeling selfish and mom guilt departments. This is just one of the ways that I can see myself change. I can truly appreciate it.
If there has been a couple of repeated lessons given to me over the years, one is about control. I do not have it. I never will. And trying to claim it only brings negative karma to me. I hope the universe understands that I have learned this lesson and do not need a repeat. The other is to appreciate what you have and not take anything for granted. This one, the universe can keep teaching me as wonderful people have come into my life with these lessons. This brings me to one of my favorite quotes; "Bloom where you are planted."...Mary Engelbreit. This is something I am truly focusing on, and have been for awhile, to appreciate what I have and to try and thrive in making it the absolute best I can.
Sorry for this being so long, I simply had a lot on my mind. Thank you for letting me get it out :-)
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Two weeks into me
I am happy to say that I have followed WW for two weeks. I have been counting points, exercising (ok only three times, but still), and thinking about what I need to fuel me. I have not given up eating out, though we do need to eat at home more, and I have not felt deprived - yet..and I will cope when that comes. So why the change? The challenge at work has helped motivate me, I do not want to pay the money. But also I hit a point where I got so sick of it, that I have to take care of it. Does that make sense? So I decided on the 26 in 16 plan. And Sweetie was so supportive that he started tracking his too. We both are doing the same workout plan, though he is way ahead of me and actually runs while I walk, but it is still something we are both doing. He only has 10 pounds to lose, but I hope this support continues even after he hits his goal. He wants to run a half if not a full marathon in 2011. I know he can do it. If I can complete a half so can he.
The other change is really thinking about the health risks with my weight. How I see myself, even in the mirror is not accurate. It isn't until I see a photo or catch a glimpse of myself when I am not looking that I realize the truth. And the truth is that I need to be healthier. And while I have been dancing with the idea of getting back on the wagon with WW, I kept having this voice in my head saying "I will do it, but I will do xxx instead because I know better". Uhm....yeah. I know I lost before my wedding and that the program works. But obviously I need some help as it didn't help me through emotional hard times, working while going to school, and health issues. And while others who love me will argue, the truth is that I am considered type 2 obese. There are only 3 types, and type 3 is morbid. This is a medical issue. And with my thyroid being the way it is and making weight loss hard, as well as so many other things, I have to be better. I am lucky, my cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar are great. But I can't rely on that. If I were diabetic, I would change my lifestyle and treat the disease. Obesity is a disease. While it is different, it is still a medical situation. I needed to treat it as such.
My other battle is body image. When I got married I was 117 pounds. I looked great. I worse a size 3. But I saw myself as fat. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and bitch slap that version of me. I know that I need to work on me as well. And that is a big reason why I am not doing a crash diet, weight loss surgery (luckily I don't qualify), or anything else drastic. I need this to take some time. I need to feel each stage of my body changing. I need to feel stronger and healthier.
When I walk, I walk alone. When I did Team in Training, I had a team and walked with them one day a week. That was fun. However, my training walks, less a few that Sweetie would walk with me, were alone. When I walked the 18 miles, I did it alone, and without music. Many have offered to walk with me. I appreciate the gesture, but know that my walking is therapy. Yesterday on my walk I went through a lot of internal stuff. (Yes more inside me talk, but is is my little part of the internet)
Over the years I have had several blows, situations, and stresses that took their toll. I like to say that I am better. And while I am, I am not 100% yet. I know I will get there as long as I keep looking inward. My point is it truly hit me how the events in my life have had an impact on how I see myself. How I do not see myself as an attractive, fun loving woman. I see myself as a wife, a mother, an employee. I do not see me. My clothing has been to cover me, but not to make me feel cute. My hair is the same way. I know I like to have my sunshine face on, and it isn't a facade, just more like just not the whole story. I feel like a prisoner in my body. And in turn this has also come through in the disorganization of my home. How I got to this point is not important. The important thing is to refind me. To take back control.
Now I am not talking about leaving my family to live in a village or anything. I just need to work on me. I need to make a conscious effort to do things for me, even if it is something silly like taking a walk or study. It was a true ah ha moment. If it were a cheesy girl chick flick, you would see me walking and then a montage of my past. I then would realize what I needed to do, and instantly feel sexy and cute and run to the airport to tell the man I love not to leave or some other blah blah blah. Well, while I love a good romantic comedy, that is not my life. Instead it is more like the montage went off in my head and I felt honestly like someone took a blow to me. I don't have to go and find my love, I have him here. Sweetie knew something was wrong and I couldn't quite put it into words. Part of me felt like things that I have worked through and dealt with were coming back. But then I realized that was not the case. Rather, it was the next step. It was like in the half marathon when I was walking for hours and felt so tired and salty and I could see the end. I wasn't done with the work, but I could see the finish. All my hard work was paying off. That is where I am, not at the end, but I can see it, I know it is there, I just have this last hurdle to overcome.
This weight loss kick, exercise, and studying again, all goes hand in hand. It all goes to help me. Yes, it will help my family but only on a secondary level. I am sure none of this makes sense. But it is good for me to write about it. This moment that I write about, it was kind of scary for me. I feared that I was going to enter a deep depression, like that of '06. I wasn't sure I could fight it if it took hold. If you have never dealt with depression, you do not know of the monster that it is and how it is much like an alter ego in some respects that takes over. I took it in, almost waiting to be pulled down. But it didn't happen. Instead I kept swimming. When I realized it was a moment of motivation, of realization, and showing me the next step, I began to exhale. I like me. I love my family. I am worth all of it. And you know what? I can fight it. My thyroid is acting like it did after Bug. But I REFUSE to let the weight come back if I have to go back on the horrible meds or any other treatment. I know that for me to be healthy I may have to track my points, exercise, and watch my choices forever.
I have a family that supports me. What more could I ask for? I will continue to write about my journey. I am sure it will be boring, but I hope to gain so much insight from simply writing my feelings. I will continue my walking, my therapy time.
I have tracked my points with Sweetie for 2 weeks. I have exercised and posted it even on my fb and twitter as motivation. I have a study plan in place. And I shined my sink tonight. This is a journey, not sure exactly how it is going to go, but I know the destination. And I know that I will get there. I am going to break free from these prisons. I am going to be a complete me again.
My weigh in at work is on Friday. I will post the outcome :-)
The other change is really thinking about the health risks with my weight. How I see myself, even in the mirror is not accurate. It isn't until I see a photo or catch a glimpse of myself when I am not looking that I realize the truth. And the truth is that I need to be healthier. And while I have been dancing with the idea of getting back on the wagon with WW, I kept having this voice in my head saying "I will do it, but I will do xxx instead because I know better". Uhm....yeah. I know I lost before my wedding and that the program works. But obviously I need some help as it didn't help me through emotional hard times, working while going to school, and health issues. And while others who love me will argue, the truth is that I am considered type 2 obese. There are only 3 types, and type 3 is morbid. This is a medical issue. And with my thyroid being the way it is and making weight loss hard, as well as so many other things, I have to be better. I am lucky, my cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar are great. But I can't rely on that. If I were diabetic, I would change my lifestyle and treat the disease. Obesity is a disease. While it is different, it is still a medical situation. I needed to treat it as such.
My other battle is body image. When I got married I was 117 pounds. I looked great. I worse a size 3. But I saw myself as fat. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and bitch slap that version of me. I know that I need to work on me as well. And that is a big reason why I am not doing a crash diet, weight loss surgery (luckily I don't qualify), or anything else drastic. I need this to take some time. I need to feel each stage of my body changing. I need to feel stronger and healthier.
When I walk, I walk alone. When I did Team in Training, I had a team and walked with them one day a week. That was fun. However, my training walks, less a few that Sweetie would walk with me, were alone. When I walked the 18 miles, I did it alone, and without music. Many have offered to walk with me. I appreciate the gesture, but know that my walking is therapy. Yesterday on my walk I went through a lot of internal stuff. (Yes more inside me talk, but is is my little part of the internet)
Over the years I have had several blows, situations, and stresses that took their toll. I like to say that I am better. And while I am, I am not 100% yet. I know I will get there as long as I keep looking inward. My point is it truly hit me how the events in my life have had an impact on how I see myself. How I do not see myself as an attractive, fun loving woman. I see myself as a wife, a mother, an employee. I do not see me. My clothing has been to cover me, but not to make me feel cute. My hair is the same way. I know I like to have my sunshine face on, and it isn't a facade, just more like just not the whole story. I feel like a prisoner in my body. And in turn this has also come through in the disorganization of my home. How I got to this point is not important. The important thing is to refind me. To take back control.
Now I am not talking about leaving my family to live in a village or anything. I just need to work on me. I need to make a conscious effort to do things for me, even if it is something silly like taking a walk or study. It was a true ah ha moment. If it were a cheesy girl chick flick, you would see me walking and then a montage of my past. I then would realize what I needed to do, and instantly feel sexy and cute and run to the airport to tell the man I love not to leave or some other blah blah blah. Well, while I love a good romantic comedy, that is not my life. Instead it is more like the montage went off in my head and I felt honestly like someone took a blow to me. I don't have to go and find my love, I have him here. Sweetie knew something was wrong and I couldn't quite put it into words. Part of me felt like things that I have worked through and dealt with were coming back. But then I realized that was not the case. Rather, it was the next step. It was like in the half marathon when I was walking for hours and felt so tired and salty and I could see the end. I wasn't done with the work, but I could see the finish. All my hard work was paying off. That is where I am, not at the end, but I can see it, I know it is there, I just have this last hurdle to overcome.
This weight loss kick, exercise, and studying again, all goes hand in hand. It all goes to help me. Yes, it will help my family but only on a secondary level. I am sure none of this makes sense. But it is good for me to write about it. This moment that I write about, it was kind of scary for me. I feared that I was going to enter a deep depression, like that of '06. I wasn't sure I could fight it if it took hold. If you have never dealt with depression, you do not know of the monster that it is and how it is much like an alter ego in some respects that takes over. I took it in, almost waiting to be pulled down. But it didn't happen. Instead I kept swimming. When I realized it was a moment of motivation, of realization, and showing me the next step, I began to exhale. I like me. I love my family. I am worth all of it. And you know what? I can fight it. My thyroid is acting like it did after Bug. But I REFUSE to let the weight come back if I have to go back on the horrible meds or any other treatment. I know that for me to be healthy I may have to track my points, exercise, and watch my choices forever.
I have a family that supports me. What more could I ask for? I will continue to write about my journey. I am sure it will be boring, but I hope to gain so much insight from simply writing my feelings. I will continue my walking, my therapy time.
I have tracked my points with Sweetie for 2 weeks. I have exercised and posted it even on my fb and twitter as motivation. I have a study plan in place. And I shined my sink tonight. This is a journey, not sure exactly how it is going to go, but I know the destination. And I know that I will get there. I am going to break free from these prisons. I am going to be a complete me again.
My weigh in at work is on Friday. I will post the outcome :-)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Signs
There have been many times in my life where I knew something was about to happen before it did or the universe/my subconscious/spirits try to warn me. Smoke detectors going off for no reason, power going out at exactly the right moment, knowing of family members passing before it happens are a few of the things that have happened. I try to listen to these ques and follow what I am being told. Today Sweetie took Bug with my MIL to Seaworld. This was the biggest trip without me with them. L and I slept in after we sent them off and once happily awake we set out for my mom's. I have been studying again. Part of my study are lectures that are on my ipod that I listen to through the aux cable in the car. I finished the lectures for this week and I went to set my ipod to the next section for next week. It landed instead on a song that I love deeply but never comes up on my music shuffle. I said aloud "OK, I will listen to this now". And it was perfect. I think truly it is my favorite song. Of course close runner ups are Icecream, Montana, and Answer.
I listened to the lyrics and sang along. L is still too young to ask for a quiet trip like Bug does. Side note she is like me. We don't need to be entertained at all moments, we can entertain ourselves, and we don't always need music on, sometimes we thrive in the silence. So it hit me and it was good. Through happy tears I texted Sweetie to let him know about this feeling I was having. Unfortunately text does not allow enough characters so he thought I was upset at first. No worries, I got my point across.
The song was Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I adore this version. And this was just what I needed to remind me of what I have. You see there are many levels that this song applies. First, the baby you have after a loss is called a rainbow baby (the happy after the storm). Bug went with me to all my regular OB appointments. On the stairs in the morning the light hits in a way that shows rainbows, I know simple science, but it was special to me and the baby I was carrying. This Dr became known as the Rainbow Dr. Honestly those little lights gave me more hope than any of the sonograms. Because for him to be a rainbow baby, he would have to survive. The universe was telling me he would. She didn't understand about what a rainbow baby was but she looked for the rainbows each time. Somewhere over the rainbow I get my L. Not to put Bug on any lower level at all. I need them BOTH, they complete me. I am who I am because of them.
This song also made me think about me and Sweeite and our journey. We have had our rough patches, I never claimed otherwise. We took back control, sought help, refound each other, and renewed our vows. We grew stronger. The song reminded me that I was wishing upon a star to wake up where the clouds were far behind me. I have blogged recently on how good I am doing with me. It is true. I keep surprising myself and being proud of myself - these are very good things. I like who I am. I know how I got here, I accept the past - can't do a damn thing about it, and look happily to the future. It is all about growth. But to listen to the song made me realize that my wish did come true. The wish I made with every birthday candle, turkey wishbone, coin in the fountain and eyelash blowing. It came, and continues, to come true. Not that I will ever give up wishing and fighting. It IS a wonderful world. Now I have to admit I may have listened to this song a good five more times today. It makes me smile. It is such a "Missy" song.
Combine that with a great day with my Mom. Eating healthy on the weekend, shocking I know, having a wonderful dinner with Mom and Brother, and finishing with a cute movie, and I am feeling good. This week things really clicked for me. I have no idea where I stand on the weight loss front, but I know I have followed my points for six days. This included, baileys, cheesecake, eating out, and a crazy week at work. If I can lose this week, I can continue this. The challenge at work helps my motivation, but really all of the sudden it clicked that I have to do this for me. I cannot compare myself to anyone else, this is my journey. How fast I lose, how fast I walk, how long it take me to reach my goals do not involve anyone else. I am the one who has to do the work, I am the one who is worth it. It does help to have a spouse who is so supportive. He is tracking too, not that he has much to lose at all, but it does make it easier. Here's to my motivation lasting through Aug 6th :-)
I listened to the lyrics and sang along. L is still too young to ask for a quiet trip like Bug does. Side note she is like me. We don't need to be entertained at all moments, we can entertain ourselves, and we don't always need music on, sometimes we thrive in the silence. So it hit me and it was good. Through happy tears I texted Sweetie to let him know about this feeling I was having. Unfortunately text does not allow enough characters so he thought I was upset at first. No worries, I got my point across.
The song was Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I adore this version. And this was just what I needed to remind me of what I have. You see there are many levels that this song applies. First, the baby you have after a loss is called a rainbow baby (the happy after the storm). Bug went with me to all my regular OB appointments. On the stairs in the morning the light hits in a way that shows rainbows, I know simple science, but it was special to me and the baby I was carrying. This Dr became known as the Rainbow Dr. Honestly those little lights gave me more hope than any of the sonograms. Because for him to be a rainbow baby, he would have to survive. The universe was telling me he would. She didn't understand about what a rainbow baby was but she looked for the rainbows each time. Somewhere over the rainbow I get my L. Not to put Bug on any lower level at all. I need them BOTH, they complete me. I am who I am because of them.
This song also made me think about me and Sweeite and our journey. We have had our rough patches, I never claimed otherwise. We took back control, sought help, refound each other, and renewed our vows. We grew stronger. The song reminded me that I was wishing upon a star to wake up where the clouds were far behind me. I have blogged recently on how good I am doing with me. It is true. I keep surprising myself and being proud of myself - these are very good things. I like who I am. I know how I got here, I accept the past - can't do a damn thing about it, and look happily to the future. It is all about growth. But to listen to the song made me realize that my wish did come true. The wish I made with every birthday candle, turkey wishbone, coin in the fountain and eyelash blowing. It came, and continues, to come true. Not that I will ever give up wishing and fighting. It IS a wonderful world. Now I have to admit I may have listened to this song a good five more times today. It makes me smile. It is such a "Missy" song.
Combine that with a great day with my Mom. Eating healthy on the weekend, shocking I know, having a wonderful dinner with Mom and Brother, and finishing with a cute movie, and I am feeling good. This week things really clicked for me. I have no idea where I stand on the weight loss front, but I know I have followed my points for six days. This included, baileys, cheesecake, eating out, and a crazy week at work. If I can lose this week, I can continue this. The challenge at work helps my motivation, but really all of the sudden it clicked that I have to do this for me. I cannot compare myself to anyone else, this is my journey. How fast I lose, how fast I walk, how long it take me to reach my goals do not involve anyone else. I am the one who has to do the work, I am the one who is worth it. It does help to have a spouse who is so supportive. He is tracking too, not that he has much to lose at all, but it does make it easier. Here's to my motivation lasting through Aug 6th :-)
Friday, July 02, 2010
Going good
Things are good. L started daycare yesterday. I was good and didn't cry. Though I did tear up at work and the day before, lol. Work is good. I am happy to be back. I have a ton to do and am behind but that is a good thing as it makes the day go faster and I can get to my babies sooner.
Did I mention the 10 pound challenge. Work has this challenge where you have to lose 10 pounds before Aug 6th. If you don't you have to pay $100 to the pot. If you do lose it then you get to split the pot with others that also lost. This is completely voluntary, but once you commit you are in. Well, I am happy to say I only need to lose 5 more to be at the goal. Woo Hoo.
I need to start walking again. Really what I need is a better schedule for the kids and Sweetie. But the priority is there. Sweetie has been running again and doing good. Our goal is at least a 10k, if not a half marathon for L's 1st b-day.
I am still shocked that I have kidS. Two, isn't that crazy. I feel like more of an adult with two. Not to mention the pain that writing the check yesterday caused. Two in daycare (and a very nice one at that) is expensive. But it is worth it. If it means we have to stay in our little house for an extra year to make it work, it is worth it. My kids are worth it.
I need to post some pics. If you are on my facebook, I know you have seen how absolutely adorable L is. He is all boy and I am happy to say no one has thought he was a girl. But it is his cheeks, you just want to squeeze them. So far I have heard that he looks like Sweetie and Bug. This is funny as Bug looks like me but no one says he looks like me. I hope it looks more like Sweetie. It would only be fair :-)
This past weekend we went to Ft Worth for our first little family vacation as a set of 4. It was a LOT of fun. We are going to make it a priority to go away at least once a quarter. With Sweetie's spot finding (gowalla) and our love of just wondering, walking, and talking we can go anywhere.
I am very excited about this weekend. Yes, I only worked two days and then get a three day weekend. I planned that quite nicely. Tomorrow I get one on one girl time with Bug, then the 4th and fireworks, and Monday will be family fun tooling around town and visiting some parks. I have a feeling I am going to do some more videoing for the spot finder ;-)
Things are good. And I am doing very good. Happy pills kicked in, thyroid meds reduced, and just enjoying my family. I am letting go of the whole perfection goal. I need to start back on the FlyLady. It is all about babysteps.
Let the weekend begin :-)
Did I mention the 10 pound challenge. Work has this challenge where you have to lose 10 pounds before Aug 6th. If you don't you have to pay $100 to the pot. If you do lose it then you get to split the pot with others that also lost. This is completely voluntary, but once you commit you are in. Well, I am happy to say I only need to lose 5 more to be at the goal. Woo Hoo.
I need to start walking again. Really what I need is a better schedule for the kids and Sweetie. But the priority is there. Sweetie has been running again and doing good. Our goal is at least a 10k, if not a half marathon for L's 1st b-day.
I am still shocked that I have kidS. Two, isn't that crazy. I feel like more of an adult with two. Not to mention the pain that writing the check yesterday caused. Two in daycare (and a very nice one at that) is expensive. But it is worth it. If it means we have to stay in our little house for an extra year to make it work, it is worth it. My kids are worth it.
I need to post some pics. If you are on my facebook, I know you have seen how absolutely adorable L is. He is all boy and I am happy to say no one has thought he was a girl. But it is his cheeks, you just want to squeeze them. So far I have heard that he looks like Sweetie and Bug. This is funny as Bug looks like me but no one says he looks like me. I hope it looks more like Sweetie. It would only be fair :-)
This past weekend we went to Ft Worth for our first little family vacation as a set of 4. It was a LOT of fun. We are going to make it a priority to go away at least once a quarter. With Sweetie's spot finding (gowalla) and our love of just wondering, walking, and talking we can go anywhere.
I am very excited about this weekend. Yes, I only worked two days and then get a three day weekend. I planned that quite nicely. Tomorrow I get one on one girl time with Bug, then the 4th and fireworks, and Monday will be family fun tooling around town and visiting some parks. I have a feeling I am going to do some more videoing for the spot finder ;-)
Things are good. And I am doing very good. Happy pills kicked in, thyroid meds reduced, and just enjoying my family. I am letting go of the whole perfection goal. I need to start back on the FlyLady. It is all about babysteps.
Let the weekend begin :-)
Monday, November 09, 2009
18 weeks and going strong
Today was the big anatomy ultrasound for 18 weeks. Everything looks good. I am so happy. His heart rate is at 160 and strong. This time he did some beautiful kicks for us. And, yes, they confirmed he is a boy. While the last appointment said he was as well as the 3D scan – I was still concerned that after getting Bug on board with a boy that he would turn out to be a girl, lol. Luckily, that was not the case. The Dr said he is a “fat boy” due to his weight being 6% higher than the average at this age. He had no concerns at all and said he looks very healthy. He declared my pregnancy on cruise control and for me to continue as planned. This makes me very happy. Next step? Next week I get my thyroid tested and see my Endo.
This weekend was wonderful. While Bug and I did not feel well on Saturday morning, we were feeling better come evening. We hung out with BestFriend for a little bit and watched Bug sing on a microphone for the first time.
Yesterday was even more fun. We were feeling better so we headed out for our normal chores. As we were driving past the mall we noticed a big top. Sure enough a small circus was in town. We decided spontaneity is the key to life and bought tickets. Really, Sweetie was the one who insisted we do it right then. He loves nothing more in this world than to make her smile. This was Bug’s first circus and she loved it. The elephants and clowns were her favorite. She enjoyed cotton candy, popcorn, and face painting. It was pouring when we arrived, without an umbrella, of course. By the time we left and made it through the mud, we were a little chilly. The solution was hot chocolate. Bug was very serious through the whole event. It wasn’t until we left and she began chatting away about the fun that we knew she had a blast. When I was dropping her off at school this morning she was telling all her friends and it made me smile so big.
I can already tell that this Christmas is going to be awesome. She is so big. I know we originally wanted our kids closer in age. But this is so perfect for us. She is talking about brother a ton. She offers up her baby things for him to use, is deciding what she wants to teach him, and already naming him. Right now it is Mo – from the WallE.
This weekend was wonderful. While Bug and I did not feel well on Saturday morning, we were feeling better come evening. We hung out with BestFriend for a little bit and watched Bug sing on a microphone for the first time.
Yesterday was even more fun. We were feeling better so we headed out for our normal chores. As we were driving past the mall we noticed a big top. Sure enough a small circus was in town. We decided spontaneity is the key to life and bought tickets. Really, Sweetie was the one who insisted we do it right then. He loves nothing more in this world than to make her smile. This was Bug’s first circus and she loved it. The elephants and clowns were her favorite. She enjoyed cotton candy, popcorn, and face painting. It was pouring when we arrived, without an umbrella, of course. By the time we left and made it through the mud, we were a little chilly. The solution was hot chocolate. Bug was very serious through the whole event. It wasn’t until we left and she began chatting away about the fun that we knew she had a blast. When I was dropping her off at school this morning she was telling all her friends and it made me smile so big.
I can already tell that this Christmas is going to be awesome. She is so big. I know we originally wanted our kids closer in age. But this is so perfect for us. She is talking about brother a ton. She offers up her baby things for him to use, is deciding what she wants to teach him, and already naming him. Right now it is Mo – from the WallE.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
music for my soul
Today was busy as planned. Bug decided to be a witch for Halloween. Correction, she decided we both will be witches. Soccer was awesome today. Last night Bug was doing great during practice and it showed with the game. She kicked that ball several times - yay. They don't keep score so it is no win or lose, though if you ask Sweetie he will tell you the score. But it all about the fun. I just want to help her learn healthy habits of exercise and confidence. It seems to be working, even after only a little over a week that included 3 games.
Tonight was awesome. We picked up my Godmother and headed to Gumbos. BestFriend's boyfriend sounded amazing, as always. The conversation was fun, the food was yummy, and Bug was better than I even expected. Three hours at an adult restaurant is not the most fun. Luckily, she had BestFriend and Godmother to keep her happy. And it was so good for me. I needed to get out. Even if it ended with me tossing my cookies in the ladies room.
My nose is stuffed up, I am sneezing a ton, and my nausea is kicking my butt. It is all good. I plan to rest up tomorrow.
Tonight was awesome. We picked up my Godmother and headed to Gumbos. BestFriend's boyfriend sounded amazing, as always. The conversation was fun, the food was yummy, and Bug was better than I even expected. Three hours at an adult restaurant is not the most fun. Luckily, she had BestFriend and Godmother to keep her happy. And it was so good for me. I needed to get out. Even if it ended with me tossing my cookies in the ladies room.
My nose is stuffed up, I am sneezing a ton, and my nausea is kicking my butt. It is all good. I plan to rest up tomorrow.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My Mother's Day Gift
Last late June we got a bicycle for Sweetie for his birthday - yes, early. When we got him an awesome bike I told him that he going to use it. Sure enough he joined Team in Training. He began the program at the end of January. He trained and raised money in Deb's honor. Because I got him into the program, and the race fell on Mother's Day Weekend, I told him all I wanted was for him to complete the race. Yesterday, was his event day. He participated in the Armadillo Hill Country Ride. He completed 107 miles with a smile. He is truly amazing. I am beyond proud of him. MIL, Mom, Bug, and myself went and cheered him on. We were lucky enough to see him at two rest stops and at the finish. I am beyond proud. And might I add, he is so super fine on his bike - he looks like a pro. Here are some pics from our wonderful day.
This is Sweetie and Bug at a fund raising event:
Here he is coming in for the finish:
We are so proud of him:
They had showers on site - so nice. This is Sweetie at the finish after a shower. He was on top of the world:
My Daddy can bike over 100 miles, can yours?
It was a wonderful day. I am very proud of him.
This is Sweetie and Bug at a fund raising event:
Here he is coming in for the finish:
We are so proud of him:
They had showers on site - so nice. This is Sweetie at the finish after a shower. He was on top of the world:
My Daddy can bike over 100 miles, can yours?
It was a wonderful day. I am very proud of him.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Short Lived Comfort
My brother is in town from Alaska. He left 5 months ago and that still sounds strange to me. Well he is visiting. Seems odd, life seems the same to me. I miss him so much but things are "normal" here. He visits and honestly it simply feels like we haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. I know, hard to describe. He looks great. He is down 40 pounds and I am beyond proud of him. We saw him last night and again tonight. I am grateful for any time I get with him. Tonight I made him a healthy dinner. We also had some drinks, cookies, and goldfish - but at least dinner was on track.
He got me the best present, a heavy sweater with a daisy on it. I ADORE it!!! I plan to wear it until it wears out. He also got Bug a book about Alaska and read it to her, and broke down while reading it. It was awesome.
T and her family came out to visit too. This made me happy as we all got to share in the visiting of Brother, even if he was very quiet. We have not seen them since August. It was nice to have everyone together. It is short lived as he returns on Tuesday. He said I will see him again. I hope so.
I had to work late two nights this week and go in today. It isn't so bad as my boss is awesome. However, it was mentioned this might have to happen more and more. I am all about stepping up and helping, but the bottom line is I have a test in 6 weeks. I have to make sure things stay in balance so I can prepare properly. I move to a new (for me) part of the building next week. it is going to be so different, lonelier even I am afraid. Right now I have people all around me to chat with me. The new location is right outside the higher ups' offices. This can be good for career (silver lining and all) but people are hesitant to come to chat when the big boss can see you.
OK off to bed. I plan to sleep in some tomorrow.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
And so I say blah
I had dinner tonight with BestFriend and DarkDiva. It was so nice. I am sorry that I wasn't better company, but I worked late and was tired.
I am feeling all kind of emotional. I don't know if it is Brother's visit, waiting on my blood tests, me being me, or something else. Right now locking myself into my own little closet where I can study, eat healthy, and exercise without any drama, stress, or scheduling conflicts sounds divine.
There simply isn't enough time in the day for what I want to do, for who I want to see, for everything.
I wasn't as good on my diet today, but that is ok. I will pick it back up tomorrow. I have been having salads for lunch, and really enjoying them. Progress - not perfection - I must remember this. I get very stuck in perfect, in black and white, in on a diet or not. Blah!
I just want to feel better. I will call the Dr again on Monday for the test results. I hope they have them then, or better yet call me tomorrow with them - that would be nice.
One step at a time. I know I am rambling, something I do well. I need to focus on healthy choices, including exercise, and stop thinking about long term. I just want to feel healthy again.
Oh and did I mention blah?
Here to the weekend being wonderful, filled with family, stress free, and productive.
I am feeling all kind of emotional. I don't know if it is Brother's visit, waiting on my blood tests, me being me, or something else. Right now locking myself into my own little closet where I can study, eat healthy, and exercise without any drama, stress, or scheduling conflicts sounds divine.
There simply isn't enough time in the day for what I want to do, for who I want to see, for everything.
I wasn't as good on my diet today, but that is ok. I will pick it back up tomorrow. I have been having salads for lunch, and really enjoying them. Progress - not perfection - I must remember this. I get very stuck in perfect, in black and white, in on a diet or not. Blah!
I just want to feel better. I will call the Dr again on Monday for the test results. I hope they have them then, or better yet call me tomorrow with them - that would be nice.
One step at a time. I know I am rambling, something I do well. I need to focus on healthy choices, including exercise, and stop thinking about long term. I just want to feel healthy again.
Oh and did I mention blah?
Here to the weekend being wonderful, filled with family, stress free, and productive.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Things are as crazy as normal in my world. We got the tree up on Saturday night but finally decorated it last night. Bug is so much fun this year. I love it. I just want to soak up every second with her.
This weekend was BestFriend's b-day. We had some one on one time on Saturday - much needed with great fun. Sunday was a group playing pool and going to see JCVD. It is such a good movie. Nothing like I expected. And seeing it at the Alamo Ritz downtown was very awesome.
The best part of the night was driving home, all five of us in the car. I see a sign for an insurance company.
Me: "Acceptance insurance, I don't think I would want an insurance company named acceptance"
BF: "What about Rapture Insurance?"
Me: "Is there Rapture Insurance?"
Shawn: "Yes, Jesus"
Come on that was funny, you know it. It was like a script sooo funny. I was crying with laughter.
We walked the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning - yep all 5 miles. Sweetie ran with BestFriend and MIL walked with me and Bug - who was in a stroller. It was fun. There were some nasty hills, but it was fun. Next 5k on the radar is the Jingle Bell.
Thanksgiving was at SIL's MIL's. This is the first year since 1998 that I did not host some sort of Thanksgiving feast. It was very different. I didn't think I was that big on the parade but seeing it made me feel like Thanksgiving. The walk was good for us and I would like to keep up the tradition. But missing the parade was a little sad. That and not having my Sweetie smell like smoke. He always smells the best at Thanksgiving. I think I might have to make him smoke something for Christmas on these even years where we don't have Thanksgiving but have Christmas Eve. That and with Brother not here, it was just different.
This weekend was BestFriend's b-day. We had some one on one time on Saturday - much needed with great fun. Sunday was a group playing pool and going to see JCVD. It is such a good movie. Nothing like I expected. And seeing it at the Alamo Ritz downtown was very awesome.
The best part of the night was driving home, all five of us in the car. I see a sign for an insurance company.
Me: "Acceptance insurance, I don't think I would want an insurance company named acceptance"
BF: "What about Rapture Insurance?"
Me: "Is there Rapture Insurance?"
Shawn: "Yes, Jesus"
Come on that was funny, you know it. It was like a script sooo funny. I was crying with laughter.
We walked the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning - yep all 5 miles. Sweetie ran with BestFriend and MIL walked with me and Bug - who was in a stroller. It was fun. There were some nasty hills, but it was fun. Next 5k on the radar is the Jingle Bell.
Thanksgiving was at SIL's MIL's. This is the first year since 1998 that I did not host some sort of Thanksgiving feast. It was very different. I didn't think I was that big on the parade but seeing it made me feel like Thanksgiving. The walk was good for us and I would like to keep up the tradition. But missing the parade was a little sad. That and not having my Sweetie smell like smoke. He always smells the best at Thanksgiving. I think I might have to make him smoke something for Christmas on these even years where we don't have Thanksgiving but have Christmas Eve. That and with Brother not here, it was just different.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving! This year is filled with much thanks. This has been a hard year and I am coming through it stronger. I am thankful for my health and strive with the new year to improve it even more. I am thankful for my Sweetie. He is my everything. Our relationship has gotten even stronger through this year. My friends are amazing. They know when to step back and when to step in and come over without calling. There are many friends that I wish I had seen more of recently, but lives are busy. The part I am thankful for is that I know when I need them, they are on call. I am thankful for BestFriend. She is my rent-a-sister. She trusts me and believes in me like no one else. I am thankful for Bug and Mom for much of the same reasons, they give me hope, make me feel safe, and take care of me. All of my family and friends are amazing. I am thankful for the family in town, miss the family out of town, and feel very lucky for the friends that I have met over the internet.
This Thanksgiving is SIL's MIL's. It will be completely different than others. For one, since we are not hosting we are able to attend the Turkey Trot. That is right. Instead of sleeping in we are getting up and getting together with BestFriend and MIL and walking 5 miles. WOO HOO. Since Brother moved and will not be with us this year, I am happy that it will be so different.
This whole Thanksgiving week, really week and a half has been great: organizing, bachelorette party, seeing Thomas, bowling with BestFriend, sushi with Jim, seeing Cirque Jungle Dreams with family, seeing Thomas again, making dessert for tomorrow, tomorrow is the walk and dinner, Friday is P from work's wedding, Saturday is girl time with BestFriend, and Sunday is movie and pool with BestFriend to celebrate a special day - it is the one day out of the year that isn't her unbirthday - heehee.
I am thankful for my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly makes me who I am. And, quite frankly, I think I am pretty cool.
Please keep praying for Deb. She is fighting hard but is missing her 8 year old daughter this Thanksgiving.
May everyone have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. And a special warm wish to Brother. May it feel warmer than the 22 degrees forecasted.
This Thanksgiving is SIL's MIL's. It will be completely different than others. For one, since we are not hosting we are able to attend the Turkey Trot. That is right. Instead of sleeping in we are getting up and getting together with BestFriend and MIL and walking 5 miles. WOO HOO. Since Brother moved and will not be with us this year, I am happy that it will be so different.
This whole Thanksgiving week, really week and a half has been great: organizing, bachelorette party, seeing Thomas, bowling with BestFriend, sushi with Jim, seeing Cirque Jungle Dreams with family, seeing Thomas again, making dessert for tomorrow, tomorrow is the walk and dinner, Friday is P from work's wedding, Saturday is girl time with BestFriend, and Sunday is movie and pool with BestFriend to celebrate a special day - it is the one day out of the year that isn't her unbirthday - heehee.
I am thankful for my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly makes me who I am. And, quite frankly, I think I am pretty cool.
Please keep praying for Deb. She is fighting hard but is missing her 8 year old daughter this Thanksgiving.
May everyone have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. And a special warm wish to Brother. May it feel warmer than the 22 degrees forecasted.
Monday, November 10, 2008
we are all connected
First, my weekend was wonderful. Friday was a romantic date night. We used the remaining gift certificates from Sweetie's Halloween winnings last year. It made a $155 meal only $18. Woo hoo!
Saturday was my b-day gift from Bug, Madagascar 2. It was a fun movie. She slept through part of it. Fine by me as she was in my arms.
Sunday was brunch with Jim and in the evening was bowling with BestFriend. Bug beat me. Of course she had bumpers up and I didn't. All in fun, right?
We had quite a packed weekend.
This weekend was also good in a different way. A friend of mine had a miscarriage. I was able to send her my support and tell her that I understand. I hope it helped a little. I know it helped me when so many women told me that they had been through it as well.
Tonight and tomorrow night are busy as we prepare the house for the cable guy to come. Not only does it need a deep cleaning anyway, but we are finally getting cable. We have been without it since like 2001. We are adding it to save money. I know sounds so funny. So now we have to make room for a cable box.
Then my B-day. I am doing it very different this year. Since it is midweek, I am not having everyone over. I know it can be a pain to go someplace after work and then worry about getting home in time for bed. So I am declaring my b-day celebration on the weekend. We are going to Ren Fest this weekend anyway, what better time to celebrate. Plus we will be camping, so much fun!! So instead, tomorrow, we are going to Moms to eat some pizza and maybe play a game or two. We will see how it plays out. It will be weird not seeing all of the family tomorrow, but I am holding out for the weekend for the big fun. It isn't like it is a big birthday.
And I am back on the study bandwagon. I walked this morning listening to my lectures. I am very motivated to get this certification complete. It is like being in school again. Yay the semester is over, but the process is not - know what I mean? Next test hopefully is beginning of the year.
I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving. This year is SIL's turn for Thanksgiving and my turn for Christmas Eve. We are doing the Turkey Trot. It is a great way to start the unhealthy day :-) And we are already registered, so we will be there. I have wanted to do this for so many years. YAY!
Saturday was my b-day gift from Bug, Madagascar 2. It was a fun movie. She slept through part of it. Fine by me as she was in my arms.
Sunday was brunch with Jim and in the evening was bowling with BestFriend. Bug beat me. Of course she had bumpers up and I didn't. All in fun, right?
We had quite a packed weekend.
This weekend was also good in a different way. A friend of mine had a miscarriage. I was able to send her my support and tell her that I understand. I hope it helped a little. I know it helped me when so many women told me that they had been through it as well.
Tonight and tomorrow night are busy as we prepare the house for the cable guy to come. Not only does it need a deep cleaning anyway, but we are finally getting cable. We have been without it since like 2001. We are adding it to save money. I know sounds so funny. So now we have to make room for a cable box.
Then my B-day. I am doing it very different this year. Since it is midweek, I am not having everyone over. I know it can be a pain to go someplace after work and then worry about getting home in time for bed. So I am declaring my b-day celebration on the weekend. We are going to Ren Fest this weekend anyway, what better time to celebrate. Plus we will be camping, so much fun!! So instead, tomorrow, we are going to Moms to eat some pizza and maybe play a game or two. We will see how it plays out. It will be weird not seeing all of the family tomorrow, but I am holding out for the weekend for the big fun. It isn't like it is a big birthday.
And I am back on the study bandwagon. I walked this morning listening to my lectures. I am very motivated to get this certification complete. It is like being in school again. Yay the semester is over, but the process is not - know what I mean? Next test hopefully is beginning of the year.
I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving. This year is SIL's turn for Thanksgiving and my turn for Christmas Eve. We are doing the Turkey Trot. It is a great way to start the unhealthy day :-) And we are already registered, so we will be there. I have wanted to do this for so many years. YAY!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Hallo
I am still here. Not feeling great. But I am hanging in there. I am focusing on studying. I look forward to feeling good again. I do have two cool things to post about.
Yesterday the NP for my family doc called. My chart was being updated with the miscarriage. She saw it and called me to tell me how sorry she is. She said there are just some patients that stay on their mind and in their prayers and I am one of those patients. It meant the world to me. Makes me feel like big health isn't necessarily here. There are some small practices out there that care.
A bit of Sweetie's family history will be on display at the Texas History Museum. MIL submitted a brand for loan. It is so awesome. I cannot wait to go and see it in all its glory.
Yesterday the NP for my family doc called. My chart was being updated with the miscarriage. She saw it and called me to tell me how sorry she is. She said there are just some patients that stay on their mind and in their prayers and I am one of those patients. It meant the world to me. Makes me feel like big health isn't necessarily here. There are some small practices out there that care.
A bit of Sweetie's family history will be on display at the Texas History Museum. MIL submitted a brand for loan. It is so awesome. I cannot wait to go and see it in all its glory.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Never Forget
Today marks 11 years since we lost my father. It is always emotional. However, I think this year is easier, most likely due to Bug being such a big girl these days. Though I do remember it getting easier after 10 years after my Grandma's death. Regardless, I miss him daily. I think of how much has changed, which is so much. I miss you, Daddy.
So we did what we do each year, we went to the lake where we scattered his ashes. The lake was down very low like it was two years ago. Last year it was as full as it was when we scattered his ashes. Whenever we see it low I feel a little sad. When it is low the ducks and geese don't come to visit. But this didn't stop us.
It is a beautiful place regardless. Last year I would have been in water to take this shot.
Sweetie took Bug out onto some of the rocks. She has grown so much since last year. It amazes me. We had some breakfast, walked around the park and played soccer ball. It was very nice. Afterward, we had to rest up. We had Bug's first performance to attend.
We went to see "Not Afraid of the Dark" by the Austin Ballet Apprentice Company. It was perfect for Bug. She was awesome. She was literally on the edge of her seat the whole time either holding our hands or clapping. I loved it. I loved seeing it through her eyes. I love how big she is. This is her glow in the dark necklace that we got at the show.
And here we are with her.
After the show we headed back toward home. Bug requested bookstore so we went to the Domain. We enjoyed the bookstore, some pizza, playing, and looking at stores. Here Sweetie is trying to convince Bug to put her foot on the big fountain. She would only stick to the small ones. Needless to say, both went to the car with soaked shoes.
We had a great day. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful family. Now we are home and I am finishing this blog so that I can get some studying complete.
So we did what we do each year, we went to the lake where we scattered his ashes. The lake was down very low like it was two years ago. Last year it was as full as it was when we scattered his ashes. Whenever we see it low I feel a little sad. When it is low the ducks and geese don't come to visit. But this didn't stop us.
It is a beautiful place regardless. Last year I would have been in water to take this shot.
Sweetie took Bug out onto some of the rocks. She has grown so much since last year. It amazes me. We had some breakfast, walked around the park and played soccer ball. It was very nice. Afterward, we had to rest up. We had Bug's first performance to attend.
We went to see "Not Afraid of the Dark" by the Austin Ballet Apprentice Company. It was perfect for Bug. She was awesome. She was literally on the edge of her seat the whole time either holding our hands or clapping. I loved it. I loved seeing it through her eyes. I love how big she is. This is her glow in the dark necklace that we got at the show.
And here we are with her.
After the show we headed back toward home. Bug requested bookstore so we went to the Domain. We enjoyed the bookstore, some pizza, playing, and looking at stores. Here Sweetie is trying to convince Bug to put her foot on the big fountain. She would only stick to the small ones. Needless to say, both went to the car with soaked shoes.
We had a great day. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful family. Now we are home and I am finishing this blog so that I can get some studying complete.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
happiness is
Ok this was the strangest weekend. And each event, in and of itself was nothing. But all together they make me smile. Yesterday, the main link to me meeting Sweetie found me on mysp@ce. She is the one who introduced me to the ex-boyfriend who took me to the party where I met Sweetie. Keeping up? She and I went to one school, her boyfriend went to another. She introduced me to her boyfriend's friend. He then took me to a third school's party two years after we stopped dating where I met Sweetie. There will be a quiz.Anyway... So she found me. That is cool. Then today we went to the grocery store, as it is Sunday. At the store we saw a mom of another ex. We see her a lot as she still lives in the neighborhood and works close. I have never said anything to her. I didn't know she recognized me. Today we saw her and she commented on Bug. One isle later she said "oh I didn't realize she was yours, Melissa". Wow she recognized me and knew my name. As it is with grocery stores, you walk along the same route so we were with her for a bit. I got the dirt on her sons and she asked questions about Bug and such. It was strange as I don't think she has ever talked to me like this.
Then after everyone left tonight, the ex that is the direct link to me meeting sweetie found me on f@cebook. The one who took me to the party where I met Sweetie. So interesting. Is the universe trying to remind me how lucky I am to have Sweetie? I know it, I don't need reminding. Am I emotional these days and biting his head off? Well, yes, but that is expected and I own up to it and apologize as soon as I see I am being crazy, which is usually during the moment. But back on the subject, I appreciate the reminder nevertheless. And I was so nice to let him sleep while dinner cooked. See him sleeping, isn't he the sweetest.
Today I wanted to spend time with Mom and MIL without any big reason or unhappiness behind it. I also wanted to use my crock pot. So I made turkey breast with brown rice chili and biscuits. It was so good. I also invited BestFriend over. Seeing her made me feel so good. 
As we relaxed with the Moms after dinner we had the best surprise of DarkDiva showing up. Normally I am hesitant of the drop in. But this time, I loved it. It was so good to see her and hug her and feel loved.
So I am ending the weekend with a beer in hand and smiling. I feel loved, grateful for my life, and simply happy. The happiness is so strong today that it completely makes up for the sadness yesterday.Oh and here is the humming bird feeder that Sweetie bought me to remind me about life.
Here's to a productive and healthy week ahead.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
peace
Yesterday was a great family day. We had lunch with MIL, we picked up Sweetie's packet, and we shopped. The day ended watching a movie and playing. An overwhelming sense of peace came over me. I feel great. And other than pain associated with the D&C, I have felt healthy since Thursday. I know something was wrong. My thyroid feels normal again, I feel healthy again. From the beginning I had this feeling that something was wrong. I discounted this feeling. I guess there was something to it. I was feeling sick. More sick than just morning sickness. I didn't fully realize it until I felt normal again. Something was terribly wrong and my body was trying to tell me.
Not that the sadness is gone yet. But the peace helps. Movement helps, distractions help. BestFriend wanted to get nails done today. I was all for it. That is until I found myself sitting at Mom's doing nothing. Doing nothing isn't good. My heart sank, the sadness returned. Doing nothing isn't an option yet. I hope she understands. I still want to see her, if she will have me, I just have to keep moving. The goal is to work through it a little at a time so that I can get through the whole process.
That and my Bug. She makes it ALL better. She hugs and kisses and makes me laugh so very much. Oh how I adore that three year old.
Tomorrow starts walking again and studying. My camera has seen better days and even with everything Sweetie is sticking to the whole "pass the CMA and get a new camera" plan. He knows how to distract me.
But the peace, it is helping.
Not that the sadness is gone yet. But the peace helps. Movement helps, distractions help. BestFriend wanted to get nails done today. I was all for it. That is until I found myself sitting at Mom's doing nothing. Doing nothing isn't good. My heart sank, the sadness returned. Doing nothing isn't an option yet. I hope she understands. I still want to see her, if she will have me, I just have to keep moving. The goal is to work through it a little at a time so that I can get through the whole process.
That and my Bug. She makes it ALL better. She hugs and kisses and makes me laugh so very much. Oh how I adore that three year old.
Tomorrow starts walking again and studying. My camera has seen better days and even with everything Sweetie is sticking to the whole "pass the CMA and get a new camera" plan. He knows how to distract me.
But the peace, it is helping.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Checking in
First, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to BestFriend. You know you have a great friend when they do everything right and still worry that they didn't do enough.
I am doing ok. Sweetie and Mom were off from work yesterday and took care of me. Bug took the best care of me. She kept snuggling me and saying how she was making me better. That combined with many random "I love you" and hugs and I was reminded how lucky I truly am.
I am coping with the physical pain, mourning the loss, and focusing on the future. Sweetie and I are very sad, that isn't a lie. The worst part of this, and the part that will forever stay in my mind is hearing his voice when I called him from the Dr. Nothing gets to me more than hearing him cry.
Sweetie took Bug to get her hair cut yesterday. He wanted some time one on one with her and wanted to let me get a little rest. While he was gone he set me a surprise. He said I would find it in the morning. This morning I found that he got a humming bird feeder to put on the living room window. It is perfect. And already I have seen many little birds coming to feed. So beautiful. He also took my bird feeder and moved it to where squirrels can't get to it. He placed it in the back yard where I can see it while lying in bed. We have a tiny backyard. But one of my favorite things is to lie in bed watching the outside. He is very smart and knows me so well.
Yesterday I was pretty much medicated the entire day. Not out of it or anything, just sleepy. Thank goodness for Mom. She took care of Sweetie and Bug, while Sweetie and Bug took care of me. It was very calming to be at my childhood home, able to nap when needed, and have Mom feed me. It helped so much.
I kept Bug home today as well. I need her around me. She reminds me that life isn't over. She reminds me that something must have been wrong as she came from me and she is perfection. We went to Target pretty early. I wanted out of the house and cats needed food. I did take another pain pill before I left as I was feeling some discomfort. At Target I felt very hot and got sick. That wasn't fun. We finished our shopping and headed home. I am ok. I am just reminded that I am not bouncing back as quickly as I think I should. There is a 10k on Sunday and I was even considering doing it. After this morning, I know that is not a good idea. The good news is that I found a super cool crockpot. It is a nice distraction for me.
Sweetie is only working a half day today. I am so happy he is going through the mourning process as well. I know that too many guys don't and the emotions can build inside. We are just doing what we do, clinging to each other.
Sweetie and I decided being healthy is our focus now. I am hoping to start back at my walking next week, at a very slow pace.
SIL and I alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve every year. This year she has Thanksgiving and I have Christmas Eve. This means we get to do the Turkey Trot.
I truly appreciate the calls and emails. Thank you. I will be out of my hole soon enough. But, for now, I am in family mode. Thank you for understanding.
Now I am off to rest some more.
I am doing ok. Sweetie and Mom were off from work yesterday and took care of me. Bug took the best care of me. She kept snuggling me and saying how she was making me better. That combined with many random "I love you" and hugs and I was reminded how lucky I truly am.
I am coping with the physical pain, mourning the loss, and focusing on the future. Sweetie and I are very sad, that isn't a lie. The worst part of this, and the part that will forever stay in my mind is hearing his voice when I called him from the Dr. Nothing gets to me more than hearing him cry.
Sweetie took Bug to get her hair cut yesterday. He wanted some time one on one with her and wanted to let me get a little rest. While he was gone he set me a surprise. He said I would find it in the morning. This morning I found that he got a humming bird feeder to put on the living room window. It is perfect. And already I have seen many little birds coming to feed. So beautiful. He also took my bird feeder and moved it to where squirrels can't get to it. He placed it in the back yard where I can see it while lying in bed. We have a tiny backyard. But one of my favorite things is to lie in bed watching the outside. He is very smart and knows me so well.
Yesterday I was pretty much medicated the entire day. Not out of it or anything, just sleepy. Thank goodness for Mom. She took care of Sweetie and Bug, while Sweetie and Bug took care of me. It was very calming to be at my childhood home, able to nap when needed, and have Mom feed me. It helped so much.
I kept Bug home today as well. I need her around me. She reminds me that life isn't over. She reminds me that something must have been wrong as she came from me and she is perfection. We went to Target pretty early. I wanted out of the house and cats needed food. I did take another pain pill before I left as I was feeling some discomfort. At Target I felt very hot and got sick. That wasn't fun. We finished our shopping and headed home. I am ok. I am just reminded that I am not bouncing back as quickly as I think I should. There is a 10k on Sunday and I was even considering doing it. After this morning, I know that is not a good idea. The good news is that I found a super cool crockpot. It is a nice distraction for me.
Sweetie is only working a half day today. I am so happy he is going through the mourning process as well. I know that too many guys don't and the emotions can build inside. We are just doing what we do, clinging to each other.
Sweetie and I decided being healthy is our focus now. I am hoping to start back at my walking next week, at a very slow pace.
SIL and I alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve every year. This year she has Thanksgiving and I have Christmas Eve. This means we get to do the Turkey Trot.
I truly appreciate the calls and emails. Thank you. I will be out of my hole soon enough. But, for now, I am in family mode. Thank you for understanding.
Now I am off to rest some more.
Monday, August 18, 2008
emotions
This weekend was filled with emotions. It started on Thursday with our last dinner with Brother as a Texas resident. We helped load his trailer and said our goodbyes. He was awesome and stopped by on his way out of town on Friday. Yes, there were tears. He has been good and sending me text updates and calling. He sounds awesome and hit Canada today.
Saturday was Kait's 16th b-day. We had a good time celebrating her. She is awesome and I am so happy to be included in her b-day plans. That and Bug got to see her Doodle, she adores him so.
The good news is that it looks like I am past the worst of the morning sickness. Thank goodness. I know that some nausea will linger, but the 24 hour seems to have let up.
I know this is short. But I am so very tired and I need to get my feet up.
Saturday was Kait's 16th b-day. We had a good time celebrating her. She is awesome and I am so happy to be included in her b-day plans. That and Bug got to see her Doodle, she adores him so.
The good news is that it looks like I am past the worst of the morning sickness. Thank goodness. I know that some nausea will linger, but the 24 hour seems to have let up.
I know this is short. But I am so very tired and I need to get my feet up.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Today is a bullet point day.
- Throwing up nothing first thing in the morning sucks.
- Throwing up while sitting in a car in a parking lot before lunch sucks.
- Throwing up when getting back to work after lunch sucks.
- Having free ice cream day on a day like this sucks.
- I still ate the ice cream, cross fingers it stays down.
- I look cute in black with white polka dots.
- I am wearing maternity clothing. Damn it is comfortable.
- I have no focus for work today.
- Bug wants to buy clothing tonight.
- Brother leaves in two days. I hope to see him tonight and tomorrow night. I am going to miss him.
- Bug told me this morning that she needs to say good bye to him.
- I need to drink more water, I think it is time to break out the bubba keg.
- I saved a cricket today.
- I hope this nausea goes away soon. I have things to do, walking, studying, cleaning, removing everything in a computer room - so much to do and less than 30 weeks to do it.
- I cut my hair short, like how it used to be. I like it a lot. Mostly I did it so I don't notice the hair loss as much with fluctuating thyroid.
Monday, August 04, 2008
WE HAVE HEARTBEAT
You know it is a good sign when the dr just puts the sonogram in and says "there is most definitely a baby in there". We saw baby, we saw heartbeat. Bug was there. This time instead of holding Sweetie's hand after hearing the "healthy" comment, it was Bug's. She thought it was cool she saw babybrothersister on the computer. My Dr is awesome. I am so glad we kept with him. Bug got a sticker for being good and we were told to bring her every time. Some Dr office's aren't as kid friendly. I am very relieved. She is my little helper with everything. They took five viles of blood - including checking for thyroid. So hopefully everything is ok.
I SAW THE HEARTBEAT!!!!! Wow this is really hitting me. OK off to celebrate Sweetie.
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