Checking in

First, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to BestFriend. You know you have a great friend when they do everything right and still worry that they didn't do enough.

I am doing ok. Sweetie and Mom were off from work yesterday and took care of me. Bug took the best care of me. She kept snuggling me and saying how she was making me better. That combined with many random "I love you" and hugs and I was reminded how lucky I truly am.

I am coping with the physical pain, mourning the loss, and focusing on the future. Sweetie and I are very sad, that isn't a lie. The worst part of this, and the part that will forever stay in my mind is hearing his voice when I called him from the Dr. Nothing gets to me more than hearing him cry.

Sweetie took Bug to get her hair cut yesterday. He wanted some time one on one with her and wanted to let me get a little rest. While he was gone he set me a surprise. He said I would find it in the morning. This morning I found that he got a humming bird feeder to put on the living room window. It is perfect. And already I have seen many little birds coming to feed. So beautiful. He also took my bird feeder and moved it to where squirrels can't get to it. He placed it in the back yard where I can see it while lying in bed. We have a tiny backyard. But one of my favorite things is to lie in bed watching the outside. He is very smart and knows me so well.

Yesterday I was pretty much medicated the entire day. Not out of it or anything, just sleepy. Thank goodness for Mom. She took care of Sweetie and Bug, while Sweetie and Bug took care of me. It was very calming to be at my childhood home, able to nap when needed, and have Mom feed me. It helped so much.

I kept Bug home today as well. I need her around me. She reminds me that life isn't over. She reminds me that something must have been wrong as she came from me and she is perfection. We went to Target pretty early. I wanted out of the house and cats needed food. I did take another pain pill before I left as I was feeling some discomfort. At Target I felt very hot and got sick. That wasn't fun. We finished our shopping and headed home. I am ok. I am just reminded that I am not bouncing back as quickly as I think I should. There is a 10k on Sunday and I was even considering doing it. After this morning, I know that is not a good idea. The good news is that I found a super cool crockpot. It is a nice distraction for me.

Sweetie is only working a half day today. I am so happy he is going through the mourning process as well. I know that too many guys don't and the emotions can build inside. We are just doing what we do, clinging to each other.

Sweetie and I decided being healthy is our focus now. I am hoping to start back at my walking next week, at a very slow pace.

SIL and I alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve every year. This year she has Thanksgiving and I have Christmas Eve. This means we get to do the Turkey Trot.

I truly appreciate the calls and emails. Thank you. I will be out of my hole soon enough. But, for now, I am in family mode. Thank you for understanding.

Now I am off to rest some more.