Thursday, March 31, 2005

Grad Fest and Deadlines

While my schedule has been crazy for some time, today really marks the point where everything gets crazier. Here is the breakdown of my life for the next few months:

Today
~ GradFest – I get to pick up my cap and gown, look at announcements, and have fun with the approaching end of my schooling career (until PhD that is)
~ MotoDiva’s B-day (35 and 36 months) and dinner at her new house

April ~ 21 – shower at work, 23 – big shower
May ~ 2 – school ends, 8 – Mother’s Day, 12 – graduation rehearsal, 14 – GRADUATION
June ~ Serif’s arrival, 19 - Father’s Day
July ~ 4th of July, 9 – Mom’s b-day, 14 – pick up diploma, 21 - MIL’s b-day
Aug ~ 4 - Sweetie’s 30th B-day
Sept ~ Back to work, Serif begins daycare

I cannot believe Grad Fest is already here. I am so happy. There are so many wonderful and big things happening now. This graduation is so much different from my BBA graduation. With my BBA, I was the first in the family to graduate and we made a big production about it – I have photos to prove how much we celebrated. This time I cannot drink as I did last time (although I am having one glass of wine). More importantly, Serif has taken most of the excitement for herself. However, know that I am so excited and proud of myself. I am so close to having my MBA. I have attended SEU since 1999 while working full time and without any breaks. I continued through hard times and kept my focus on the goal. It helped that my Sweetie encouraged me the entire way. Even when we both found ourselves laid off, he insisted that stayed in school. He has always been my biggest fan. Honestly, with this celebration I am happy with a quiet gathering with my Sweetie, friends, and family.

Things are not only busy at home, but with work as well. I just got out of a finance wide meeting. We are beginning our Q1 close and will have our audit begin on the 14th. This requires a lot of work – this is a shorter close than normal. Therefore, they are asking for 10-hour days through the 12th with work weekends on the ninth and 16th. I simply cannot do 10-hour days. I love being pregnant and I really do not like to complain, but my sciatic nerve is starting to hurt worse. I am wondering when I will be put on semi bed rest, where I need to be at home but not bound to bed. I hope that I can work at least full time through April. Then perhaps I can go to half days or even full days off. I am pretty sure that the minute I call Uncle that my doctor will write me a note. Do not get me wrong. I really like my job. I even like these crunch times. I will make it work. I just need to get set up from home.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

We are adults

I posted before about being an adult. Most days I do not consider myself an adult. Yes, I own my home; have a degree (almost two), married for 7 years, and have a career. However, this does not make me feel like an adult, as least not what I thought being an adult would feel like. However, yesterday I felt like an adult.

My Sweetie and I took off from work to find a daycare for our June Bug. No, that is not correct; we set out to find a school for her. We only had one appointment for the day and all others we planned to do drop-ins. We went to seven schools. Remarkably, four were of the same chain. All were within about 5 miles from our house. The rate for infant care is higher than for toddlers. We found the prices ranging from $695-$905 a month. This was not a shocker as I have heard of some infant care being over a grand a month.

After seeing the first school, the one with the appointment, and another school that we always loved the look of the outside, we decided to regroup at Starbucks. The schools could not have been more different. My Sweetie and I were on the exact same page with our opinions. This was a wonderful feeling. We then headed to four more schools (three under the same name as our first appointment). We liked all of them. However, we had to be very meticulous and decided that two of these four made the final cut. By this time, it was after one o’clock and I was getting hungry. Lunch was in order. My Sweetie and I ate a nice lunch while discussing our options. We loved that we kept going back to this one chain. My Sweetie looked up at me with teary eyes and said, “I want her here now”. It was so sweet. He loves this little girl so much. Only one more stop until our journey found completion. This was the only real threat to the chain that we were looking into. Of course, this was the $905 school. However, it did not have the same feel as the first school. We headed home, filled out the paper work, drove back to the first school, and paid our $50 for our name to be added to the waiting list for three Stepping Stone Schools.

The biggest disappointment was the number of schools without an infant curriculum. The school we chose has lesson plans for the infants with sign language included. This was a big requirement for our JuneBug. Another neat thing was that we did not sign her up as “Baby Tolleson”, we used her name. My Sweetie turned to me and said “She better be a girl now”.

Yesterday proved that we really are adults. However, most importantly it showed, once again, what a great partnership my Sweetie and I have. I know of many couples that would argue or become edgy with the emotional day that choosing a daycare can bring. However, that wasn't the case with us at all. We did not argue, disagree, or even snap at each other. We held hands, smiled, talked, asked questions, listened, and had a wonderful day. The best part is that we feel confident where our precious child will be during the work day.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Purple Balloon in the Sky

While working intently with the sun on my back (through my window) the afternoon was very quiet. Suddenly a splash of color catches my eye. I look up towards the top of my cubicle and see a purple balloon gently bouncing over to me. It comes directly into my cube and I catch it in my hands. I instantly start smiling and playing with it. A few seconds later one of my good friends comes around the corner letting me know that she shot the balloon over to me. It totally made my day.

They say Confucius does his crossword with a pen

Today is busy. Yet I feel a draw to blog. My Sweetie’s grandfather has been going downhill for a while, yet I thought he was doing well. While he did repeat himself over the weekend, he seemed to be doing fine. Last night just as MIL was leaving for the second time that day (she took Grandpa home and then returned for more conversation), I received a call on my cell. I did not make it in time and saw the number was from her house (Grandpa lives with her). This was odd because he normally calls the house first. Not to mention that he has never called my cell. While I waited to see if a voicemail was left, my Sweetie’s cell phone rang. He asked to speak to MIL. He was suffering from a sort of dementia. He was asking about MIL’s mom. She passed away over 6 years ago. We could hear the conversation because my Sweetie accidentally hit the loudspeaker option. He kept saying that he could not find MIL’s mom, he just wanted to know where she was, and that she was not home. After some big hugs, she headed home to him. When she got home, he asked her again and she had to explain that his wife has been gone for over 6 years. He was not upset, but confused why he was looking for her. He said he thought she was working late and was worried because she would normally call. MIL is scared and frustrated. He stays home alone during the day and has a vehicle. My Sweetie and I are worried that he will drive to the cemetery and experience another episode like this but try to go back to where they lived at the time that the episode dictates. MIL does not know what to do. I cannot blame her. All we can do is show her that we are there for her.

I did not intend for this post to be a downer. My Sweetie and I spoke at great lengths about this last night. It is very hard to watch someone you love deteriorate. The deaths in my family have been sudden and even the ones with older people have had their mental state in check. There was only one time with my Nanny that she did not recognize us, and that was at the end.

They say doing crossword puzzles and that kind of thing helps the brain. Luckily, while we give her a hard time about her age, my mom does many crossword puzzles and both mom and MIL find enjoyment in puzzle games. We all must remember that the brain is a muscle that needs exercise.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Easter Weekend

First, I have to post that we FINALLY purchased the crib. BabiesRus on-line just added the crib we wanted (and discovered two sites that were sold out). We ordered it and feel very accomplished. However, the arrival date says June 2-6. Let us hope they are being a little cautious with this estimate. While our June Bug will not need the crib at first, I would like to know that it is ready for her when she comes home for the first time.

Friday night we colored Easter Eggs (Brother, Mom, MIL, SIL (husband’s sister), niece, Grandpa-in-law, my Sweetie, and I) with the excitement of a severe thunderstorm with hail and all. For Easter, but given on Friday, my Sweetie gave me a potted plant. The plant is purple calla lilies. They are so beautiful. He bought them because they remind him of us – the calla for him and the purple for me. They are so beautiful and unique. I hope to post a photo as soon as the film develops – I know, we are so behind the times.

Saturday my mom and I went to Lago Vista to watch Dark Diva’s girls while my Sweetie went with the group to Marble Falls to prepare her mother’s house for sale. My mom and I had a great time with the girls. Another big storm hit during naptime, this time no hail, and all four of us slept soundly.

My Sweetie, DarkDiva, and her husband arrived back at the house a little after eight. We enjoyed dinner while watching the girls flock to my Sweetie for hugs and kisses. He loves these girls and he is amazing with them. So much so, that after dinner he volunteered to put the oldest to bed – story time and all.

After putting the girls to bed, DarkDiva surprised us with a gift, an awesome mobile. It has wonderful colors along with classical music that plays continually (rather than winding down). We love it. Since my Sweetie had a hard day of manual labor, combined with gaming until 5:30 that morning, he fell asleep on the couch shortly after receiving the gift. This was not a problem since it was time to paint my tummy.

We ventured into the bedroom for DarkDiva to apply henna to my stomach. She researched at great lengths with what would be safe in my current condition. She is a wonderful artist. I simply told her that I wanted a butterfly. After over three hours, the results proved a butterfly covering my entire stomach – pictures to follow once I receive them from DarkDiva, or I develop my film.

For those of you who do not know – natural henna is applied as a thick gooey black substance. It dries and provides the best results if you leave the black textured portion on your body overnight – or 12 hours. (There are methods that use chemicals to provide the results sooner but are not safe for even women who are not pregnant - at least that is what I found through my research). After drying, it begins to flake off the body and the remainder washes away with a simple shower. The natural henna stains a reddish brown color – what the black substance leaves behind. Since henna uses the body’s heat to provide color, the color is light orange at first (the color of mine today) and it will darken to a richer shade over two days. This means mine should be wonderfully looking for tomorrow, my little secret. I am hoping to have this treatment at least one, if not more, times before my June Bugs Arrival.

Today we had the Easter celebration at our house. We did not make sunrise service as we were out until 2 in the morning, my mom included. However, the day was very nice. Good food, good conversation, and relaxing environment. I did not dress up – the weather was colder than expected, so I wore sweat pants and one of my Team in Training t-shirts. I was very comfortable.

Overall, this Easter weekend was very nice. I cannot wait for next year. Our June Bug will have fun with the Easter eggs.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Good Friday

Today is a slow day at work. My boss and his boss are not here. This makes for a lazy day. I just got back from lunch; late and long – the way it should be. I went with two of my favorite co-workers and my Sweetie. This is the first time for him to meet these women. I love that I have a husband who I can introduce to anyone. He was perfect; and kissed and held my hand as normal. When I got back to work, they told me that it is obvious that we are in love and that he is cute. I could not argue with either statement.

The best part was when we met my Sweetie at the restaurant. We approached him and I introduced everyone. Before he said hello to my coworkers he came over to me and kissed me. Then he turned and greeted my co-workers. It was so sweet.

EDITED: After posting this originally, I started to leave for the day. I was stuck with one of the co-workers from lunch with normal chitchat. She began talking a bout my two favorite subjects (Terry and our June Bug), so I could not help but linger. She was telling another co-worker about my Sweetie and me. She said that the neatest part of seeing us was that we have been together for so many years (almost 13) yet you would not know it to look at us. She said we look like a couple in a new relationship with all the sweetness and adorable jesters. I loved it. Sorry, we cannot give out our secret to happiness. It is ours to enjoy.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

And the Nesting Begins

Emotions are overflowing today. Weepiness is evident today (normal pregnancy stuff). Not depression, just weepiness. You cannot understand until you are pregnant. The worst thing is that it is not simply getting watery eyes; it is full out tears for the stupidest of things. This applies to happy, sad, and afraid tears. However, my sweetie calling me unexpectedly a minute ago made me smile. I love hearing his voice during the day.

I like journaling like this. I write for me and it makes me happy.

My little girl is dancing again today. My belly ripples like water from her movements. I have never seen her, held her, or kissed her. However, I love her so much. My Sweetie does too. When I ask how much, he gets teary eyed and begins to kiss my belly explaining that his love for both her and me is without boundaries. He is going to be such a wonderful father, in fact he already is.

We joke about how I am a princess. However, during the last 6 months I really have been a princess. He takes the best care of me. He makes sure that I eat when I need to (vastly important when pregnant – if my stomach gets empty for too long I get sick), he runs bubble baths to help my back, he rubs my feet with wonderful coconut foot lotion, and he kisses my stretch marks and says with pride that they are there because of his baby.

The weepiness is because of hormone fluctuations and not due to unhappiness. I am so happy right now.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. I should not have to work – it is a holiday. However, I do not want to use a flex holiday. Tomorrow night the family is coming over to decorate Easter eggs. This should be fun. Saturday is helping with DarkDiva’s girls and Sunday is Easter. Busy Busy Busy weekend. Still have to decide if we will attend the Sunrise Service. It was so nice last year.

Then the next few weekends will focus on getting the items ready to move to my mom’s house. That is the next biggest hurdle. Once we complete the move, we can focus on the nursery and the remainder of the house at the same time. My goal is still to have everything ready by graduation. Because not only will people be in my house celebrating my MBA, but also anytime after that point the doctors will not stop labor once it begins.
I sent an e-mail to family and friends about moving the furniture. Hope it goes over well. I HATE asking for help. I come from a long line of family that hates asking for help.

I looked into my maternity leave. I get 12 weeks – 6 weeks paid 100%. I asked what I can do to extend that time and they told me “You can talk to your manager about an unpaid personal leave. There is no job protection with this type of leave.” I hate this. I wish I could have just a few more weeks with her before sending her off to someone else. I love my company and their benefits. I cannot risk my job not being here when I come back. I wish we lived in Canada, one year of maternity leave sounds heavenly. I know some mothers go back to work after 6 weeks. I am trying to get set to work from home. That might be an alternative in the beginning. I am also talking to my other working mom friends. That should help.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I AM PERFECT!!!!

No, this is not an opinion. My doctor declared me perfect today. I am sure my Sweetie is going to call him and tell him that these comments go straight to my head.

Today was our 28 week appointment. Pee test looked good. Weight looks good, although, I have officially gained from my pre-pregnancy weight. However, I am not complaining about 2 pounds in 28 weeks (really 26 weeks from conception). Blood pressure looks great, so no worries about my swelling.

Today they also measured my uterus. This is done with a tape measure over my belly. I am measuring right on target. YAY. After the measuring, we listened to her heartbeat. It sounds wonderful. She ranged from the 140s-150s. Then came the fun part of the appointment; the Rhogam shot. This is the Rh Factor shot due to my blood type being negative and Terry’s being positive. This shot went into my hip. It did not hurt too badly, but now I feel it. I feel achy and cannot get comfortable. It is worth it though.

We spoke with the Nurse and my Doctor (we like him so much) about my swelling, pains, and heartburn (woke up last night due to bad heartburn). And Terry asked about my coughing. All are normal and nothing to cause worry. After looking over my paperwork, the doctor declared me perfect. I told him that I would tell everyone today about his diagnosis.

I go back in 2 weeks. Is this not crazy? Not long before I go back weekly. I cannot believe how far along I am.

I feel great today. Another beautiful day to enjoy through my window. This appointment made me feel so good. I was worried about blood pressure and my aches and pains. Knowing that everything is normal is a huge relief. I do need to get a new belly belt; mine just does not fit properly due to my petite back.

Suddenly I feel less stressed about getting everything complete. While we still have so much to do, I am confident that everything will come together. It always does for us. With Easter this weekend, and always more work for school needed, I know our time will be limited. However, we proved how much we could accomplish even when the weekend is busy.

Tonight I have schoolwork and my brother is coming over for a short visit. I think, overall, it will be another laid-back evening. I might dye my hair tonight, nothing crazy, just a shade – if even that – different from my own. Since being pregnant, I have not cut my hair. It is getting pretty long and touching my shoulders. Normally within a 6 month period I feel a need to change my hair, color or length or something. I feel that need for change. This is the same change that prompted my tattoo in 1995 and many piercings (that I no longer have). What can I say, I am not as vanilla as some people think *grin*.

Now I am off to pick my Sweetie up from work. I love it when we carpool. I love spending any extra time with him that I can.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Twists, Turns, and Emotions

What should I blog about today? It is beautiful outside. My mood is good and I am not experiencing any overly active pregnancy hormones. I am doing well, except for being tired. I am in the mood for a profound post. However, I am not yet certain where this post will end.
Last night I completed the assignment due. I had to review another classmate’s business plan. It was easier than I expected and took less time – even better.

I looked over our registry today. Surprisingly, we already have items purchased on it. These must be co-workers as the announcement for my work shower went out last week and the invitations for my “real” shower have not gone out yet. That is going to be a busy week. During the week that marks one year since I walked out on the evil SKIDS, I will have two showers. Now I must make sure that I look cute for all the pictures.

A song that has caught my attention recently is titled “Breathe”. The part that I love goes a little something like this. “Life is like an hour glass glued to the table, no one can find the rewind button girl, so cradle your head in your hands, and breathe”. I like this song because it is about making mistakes and not being able to go back in time to fix them, you have to simply accept the consequences and breathe.

We all have things that we can beat ourselves up for, but it is a waste of time. Sometimes something broken heals stronger than before.

I do not know if everyone knows this story, but my Sweetie fractured his collarbone when he was younger. This happened when he was at camp. Due to the counselors fearing a lawsuit of sorts, they did not send him to seek medical attention. Instead, he suffered with a fractured collarbone for the remainder of camp, for like 2 weeks. When he came home, his family took him to the doctor and, sure enough, there was a fracture. However, his body healed the imperfection with a calcium buildup. He did not require a doctor’s attention (which we will not even go into how that has fed into his not wanting to go to a doctor about anything) and he does not suffer any limitations due to the fracture (hence gymnastics for so many years). However, I have felt the calcium buildup when massaging him. The point is that there was a crack that healed to be stronger and more stable than before the accident.

I believe life is like Terry’s collarbone. Fractures are going to happen; we have to hope that the healing process provides a stronger result than before.

Another subject on my mind today involves friends and family. I am so lucky to have so many friends. I am also lucky to be so close (although I want to get closer still) to my family. Seeing most of the Austin relatives this past weekend really made me think about how lucky I am. Having my Mom stay on Sunday to keep me company while my Sweetie ran up to work made me very happy. I am so lucky to have a Mother and MIL that love us and will do anything to help us out during this life altering experience. It has been very interesting to compare pregnancies with my mom. I think they are different in everyway possible. Everyone is so excited about this baby. I cannot even believe it. This baby is already so loved, she has no idea.

Then we have this upcoming Saturday. I love that we are all going to help DarkDiva in a time of need. I love that we have this group of friends that are so dedicated in helping each other that no one has to ask twice. I love that we have friends that my Sweetie likes and does not hesitate in offering his assistance.

I can honestly say that I really like my life right now. My marriage is better than ever, my friends are dedicated and amazing, and my family is close and supportive. I write about this because I never want to forget this feeling. Even with all the evil people that have passed through my life and tried to ruin it (ex coworkers and ex friends). They have not succeeded. If anything, they only fueled my happiness and where I am now.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Monday ramblings

After my sleepless night on Saturday, I expected to crash yesterday. However, that was not the case. I went strong all day. Today, however, is a different story. I am feeling great. However, I am going to need a nap. My Sweetie and I took his car into the shop for normal maintenance so I will need to pick him up before heading home. I think I will leave the office a little early and take a nap in my car.

Today flew by. The thunderstorm from this morning passed and the sky is blue and beautiful. After a much productive weekend, tonight has to have my focus on school. This will also allow my Sweetie some much needed time on his game.

Saturday marked a very interesting day for my pregnancy. I experienced a lot of ligament and stretching pain Friday night, nothing serious, but uncomfortable. Saturday morning I awoke to my belly button out of sight. It is still there, I have not popped yet, but I can no longer see my belly button when I look down. It is amazing to see such growth over night. So now, I cannot see anything below my belly and that includes my belly button. This cracks me up. I am also experiencing more swelling. Our next appointment is on Wednesday. This makes me feel relieved. They will be able to make sure my blood pressure is still good – always has been so far. I know the swelling is a part of pregnancy. However, it is annoying. Luckily, I have a husband who sees my swollen feet and instantly offers to rub them.

I am so lucky to have Terry as my husband and father of my baby. He takes the best care of me. I love telling other women about how he does all the chores right now (although I did vacuum last night and made him breakfast and lunch today), and how he is so attentive to my every need. We even discussed midnight feedings for our June Bug. He told me that if I am too tired that he wants me to pump so that he can get up and take care of her. I love this. He is so crazy about us and this baby and anyone who looks at him can tell.

Next weekend we are going to DarkDiva’s mother’s house to help prepare it for sale. The whole group will be there, approximately 12 or more of us. My job is to supervise and to watch the girls. I love these girls, so this is not a problem. I will make sure to get plenty of photos. Terry will most likely be manly moving furniture and other odds and ends. However, DarkDiva told him that he is on the babysitting committee. She understands that he does not want to be far from me for any length of time – she has witnessed so many kisses and hugs and she thinks he simply adores me (I agree). She describes us as madly in love. After the move, she is making us dinner and painting my belly. If I can get a good shot of the artwork, I will post it. The nice part of pregnancy is the belly. You cannot suck it in at all. Therefore, you might as well accept it and show it off. I have been at the point for a while, where it is obvious that I am pregnant. It helps that my Sweetie is always touching, talking to, kissing, and singing to my stomach.

Now I am headed to pick my Sweetie up from work. Before I throw myself into my schoolwork, I will make sure that we spend some wonderful time together.

Until Tomorrow

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Home improvement and eye candy

This weekend was absolutely wonderful.

Friday night we had my Brother, SIL, and Mom over for dinner. Once again we had wonderful conversation and a great dinner thanks to my Sweetie making hamburgers.

Saturday we saw Cirque Du Soleil’s Varekai with MIL, SIL, SIL’s boyfriend, Niece, and mom. It was amazing. The best act involved male twins that wore little clothing and performed on a trapeze of sorts that goes around their arms. These men were gorgeous and extremely talented. My Sweetie enjoyed the part where men on seesaws jumped into sheet-like safety nets. This was so neat. I love these types of outings. June bug loved the show and proceeded to kick enough that allowed my Mom to feel her movements.

After the show, we headed to the container store and bought efla shelving for our laundry room. My Sweetie used this same system for our closet while I was in Chicago. We then headed to Linens-n-things for some much needed slip covers for our couches. We even found stain resistant ones. We then picked up a late dinner and headed home feeling much accomplished in our quest to prepare our house for our June Bug.

Today we were even more productive. After the grocery store, my Sweetie began working on our laundry room. In less than one hour, my Sweetie unveiled a new laundry room. For the first time in 6 years, (Saturday marked six years since we moved into our castle) our laundry room is organized and fully functional. My Sweetie HATES home improvement. However, he likes installing the elfa system. He did a wonderful job. It made us feel very productive and finally one step closer to our June Bug. After the project, my Sweetie felt very proud and accomplished. Now that we completed one room for organization and put on the new slipcovers (Thank you Mom), we are ready for the next step.

The weekend was perfect. I spent time with my family members while enjoying my Sweetie thoroughly. The worst part of the weekend was waking up last night at 3 and not able to fall back to sleep until 6. However, I fell back to sleep enjoying my Sweetie’s arms.

After a weekend like this, all I can say is; life is good.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

The Written Word

Yesterday, my Sweetie gave me a wonderful gift to celebrate our 6 months. This was quite a surprise as this was not a celebration that required gifts.

He gave me a new statue and a card. The card was the best gift. As always, he picked a blank card to inscribe with his own poetry. His words brought tears to my eyes. As I read the card I sat down on the floor to take it all in. Words about how I am his life; about how he needs, wants, loves, and adores me; how I am his love and his only; how he cannot live without me. He ends it with thanking me for the last 6 months and for the countless months to come.

I love this man. I love my husband, Terry.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Who needs sleep

I was able to sleep after my post this morning. At one point, I had a bob next to my head purring (he is 6 today – HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB) and my Sweetie on the other side snoring. That is what I call paradise. Don’t worry, my Sweetie didn’t snore for long, I always kick him when he does, heehee. The alarm came much too early this morning so I may go home after lunch to sleep.

Last night’s class was really good. Walking through the hospital made things very real. It made me think that in 12 weeks I will be there giving birth to the most wonderful little girl – the creation of love between Terry and me. When we got home from the birthing class we went straight to the bedroom – it is more comfortable to sit on the bed with my swollen feet. We did not turn on the TV. We simply started taking and checking our e-mails and such. Terry took the time to show me some desktops and icons that he really likes. I love them as well and he is going to alter one for me (my laptop screen size is apparently abnormal). I know it sounds simple, but moments like these are the best.

Being pregnant is indescribable. This is very true. Every pregnancy is different and the support around you has a large impact on the experience. I am so very lucky to have such a supportive husband who takes the best care of me. It is not only about him handling the chores, while that is wonderful. He also takes the time to rub my feet and back. He sings and talks to my belly. He holds me close when my hormonal rollercoaster causes tears to fall. Most importantly, he finds me silly and funny while we still have very in-depth conversations. I think that is very important to a marriage – the conversation. Not only about open communication, but able to discuss things that we both relate.

While I did sleep after my post, it apparently was not long enough. My Co-workers were worried about me. Since it is spring break, there were no bosses around, YAY me. And since I am salary and caught up on work, sneaking out is an option.

Before sneaking out, I had a lunch date with my Sweetie. We ate outside and talked about the last 6 months. He kept kissing me and making me laugh. He told me that I looked tired, but his very cute, beautiful, gorgeous pregnant wife. He melts my heart anytime. After a brief, yet passionate make out session at my car, we parted ways.

My co-workers saw me come back to work and questioned why I was there. I gave in and headed out at 2 for home. I crawled into bed and had no trouble with an almost 3 hour nap. I awoke to all the cats surrounding me.

When I checked my e-mail, I found one from my Sweetie. He sent me the desktop that we found the night before for my screen size. So Sweet.

I received a wonderful gift today as well – but that deserves its own post.

Now I am off to prepare for my Brother and SIL coming to dinner.

6 months

It is almost 3 in the morning and I am awake. Nothing bad mind you, purely pregnancy. I tossed and turned until 2. At this point, I awoke to pee and thusly, awakened the beast within – also known as hunger. We had our last birthing class last night. We always eat dinner before class. Apparently, this was not enough for me for the night. I got up quietly – no need for Sweetie to be disturbed – to find a fast and healthy snack. What else can I do when eating peanut butter crackers while waiting for sleep? Blog. The tour of the hospital was awesome. The labor and delivery room is very nice. Seeing where our little June bug will be born made it so very real for us.

Tomorrow/today marks a special day for my Sweetie and I. It is 6 months since our whole world changed. 6 months since we recommitted to each other in such a profound way. Celebrating these occasions is very important to us. We have plans with my brother for dinner. However, we will celebrate with lunch (unless I am passed out from lack of sleep tonight) as well as some on Saturday.

The last 6 months have been remarkable. In many ways, we have gone back in time to when we were new lovers with the excitement of simply hearing the other’s voice. However, it is like going back with the knowledge we have now – we are comfortable around each other unlike any new relationship. I am grateful, even much obliged, to everything that occurred with our past that set the stage for our turning point on Saturday, September 18th. Everything happens for a reason. We are where we are based on past actions. It is simple logic that if I am happy where I am, that I cannot be unhappy with the past actions that brought me to my current destination.

A person’s life is like a rich tapestry. The colors fading in and out represent the relationships that come and go. However, the main theme, the colors you can see from across the room, these colors represent the people most influential and important in your life. Ex friends and lovers are only seen when up close, as their presence is never for long or with a large enough importance to weave into the grander pattern. While their actions may help alter the present into the future, they served merely as stepping stones to get our life to the next step. They are not the people that we use to define our lives. The ones that we use to define our lives know us, mold us, and inspire us. They are the ones that we call on when times are tough, the ones that we can be goofy around, and the ones we cannot wait to tell when we have good news. These are the people we are proud to call family, friends, and mentors. I cannot imagine my tapestry without my husband’s influence. He is the one I turn to when times are tough. He is the one that I am the goofiest around, and he is the one that I cannot wait to share good news. He is my world. No other can take his place.

Alas, I found the bottom of my juice box. I must attempt to sleep. If all else fails, I might be back on tonight for more blogging fun.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Happy St Patrick's Day

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Today everyone is Irish. This is true. However, I really am Irish – from both my mother and father’s side of the family. Of course, with the last name I graciously accepted 7 years ago, you might not know it. This day is special to me because my father’s name was Patrick. We have our last birthing class, so we cannot miss, but know that we are wearing green – and I am craving Irish coffee (or at least cool whip). When my Grandparents were alive, we would go to their house for Irish coffee and sausage rolls. Since I was a kid I did not receive the coffee, but I did get to scoop the cool whip into the mugs and eat some for myself.

Such happy memories.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

MooCow



As promised, here I am on one of the cows at the Arboretum.

The Calendar Lies

I received an e-mail from my cousin-in-law stating that I am not graduating Mother’s day weekend. In total disbelief, I grab my calendar of beautiful orchids and quickly flip to May. Sure enough, I am NOT graduating on Mother’s day weekend. I am, however, still graduating on May 14th at 10:00 at the Frank Erwin Center. The biggest difference is that Mother’s day is on May 8th (still a very important day – 13 years since I met my husband in a certain hot tub). This does not change my countdown as I focused on the date. However, this past weekend I told MIL that I am graduating on Mother’s day weekend. Good thing she reads my blog. Blame it on pregnancy brain; blame it on a faulty calendar. I even discussed graduation falling on Mother’s Day weekend with fellow students, which means I am not the only misinformed one, LOL. My cousin-in-law was worried that I would either forget to wish my mom a happy mother’s day or that I would end up with a house full of people a week earlier than the actual ceremony. Of course, invitations will have the correct date – and hopefully people would look at the date instead of hearing my words about the holiday. I think I will have my Sweetie design something for my invites this time.

My schooling adventure is almost over. Over the weekend, I received my confirmation request regarding my name and degree for my diploma. It will have my full name and MBA Accounting. I get to pick up my diploma with my little one on July 14th. Much of the process is the same as with my BBA. However, since I am graduating in May rather than December, it is a larger ceremony held away from campus. This calls for a graduation rehearsal the Thursday before, followed by a party. Friday is a special service for graduates and the “Blessing of the Brains” and Saturday is the actual event. When I graduated with my BBA, I received the most wonderful present from my Sweetie, a pearl necklace and earrings from money that he saved from waiting tables. I am not materialistic. However, I cannot help but wonder what I will receive this time. Actually, if we have everything ready for our June bug by graduation, that will be present enough.

Last night was so much fun. I loved seeing my friend again. It makes me very happy that I answered that advertisement for an accounting associate/sales coordinator back in August 1997. Once again, fate took care of me. My mom, Sonnet, and I all discussed how happy we are that we worked there. It was a great learning experience for me. It is also where I was working (for less than a month) when my father passed away. The family-like atmosphere was what got me through. I stayed there for 2 years before needing a larger company to expand my wings.

I went to lunch with a co-worker today. The conversation was wonderful, as we discussed mostly my maternity leave. However, here we are hours later and I am still so very full. When I wait to eat and get low, my eyes become bigger than my stomach. I think something light is in order for tonight.

Where is the cow picture? I am working on it. We have to resize it because the CD that we received has the pictures HUGE. As soon as this is complete, I will post the soon-to-be famous Missy on Cow photo.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

World Domination Tuesday

The dark clouds and rain are back. That is ok. Today is World Domination Tuesday. I am very happy today.

Chris, my friend and co-worker from High End, is coming to work with me. While I try to see him on a regular basis, we have not worked together in over a year and a half and I miss him. He will be in AP, but very close for me to bother on a daily basis. This makes me so very happy.

Tonight, Sonnet, a friend whom I have not blogged about is coming to dinner. She is wonderfully fascinating. I met her in 1997 at my first full time job outside of working for my parents. She was in my wedding and has been a good friend throughout. We do not see each other as much as I would like, but regardless, she would offer the shirt off her back (and I am sure the guys would be very happy if this happened) for a friend. I cannot wait for her to see my belly.

Last night was another wonderful evening. My Sweetie and I went to the grocery store to pick up some last minute items for our big salad as well as ice cream. Who can say no to Cherry Chocolate Chip? Back at the house, we chatted, laughed, got silly, and made our salads. The best part of the evening was sitting in the living room eating dinner and my Sweetie says, “I told everyone that I would be on the game tonight”. I told him “OK” as he normally plays on Monday nights and I do not mind. He looked at me, smiled, and said “but I don’t want to, I want to stay here with you”. That was so sweet. He even went to sleep at the same time as I did. This does not always happen because of my falling asleep early. Last night I stayed up until 11.

This morning was nice too – no bloodshed to speak of. As we left for work, I called my Sweetie on his cell to let him know that I had to stop for gas. Imagine my surprise when I get the gas station and he is there, waiting to pump my gas for me. Such a gentleman.

Now I must talk about me for a minute, I do not think that means a change in topic, LOL. I am sure I have mentioned before how people are very drawn to me to talk/vent/discuss/confess. Co-workers that I barely know will come to me and vent about our boss or the company. I guess I do not have the “going to use this information to back stab you” look. My Best Friend said it is because I stop everything that I am doing and look at the person talking in the eye. Whatever it is, I love it. I love that people are so open with me. This also goes with men. Yesterday I had two different men hitting on me over e-mail and instant messenger while I was at work. They know I am married, they know I am pregnant. However, somehow I am still very interesting. One is single and the other is married. While I would never act on or mislead these men, talk about an ego boost. These two have hit on me since before I was pregnant and have not stopped. I guess I hold my weight better than I thought. Both have told me that I am very sexy and that they find my personality, confidence, and intelligence attractive. This makes me so happy to have my Sweetie. Yes, others hitting on me makes me feel closer to my Sweetie. It shows once again that we are together because we want to be. We both have “other options” if we wanted them, but we do not. We love where we are at in our relationship. We do not wish to explore any life that does not have the other at our side.

Monday, March 14, 2005

The BEST weekend

Blogging is so addictive, as well as pregnancy. What I mean is that I want to journal and capture most of my day-to-day tasks and thoughts, so that I can reread and remember the feelings that I am experiencing during this wonderful time.

From my last blog on Saturday I said we were about to head to dinner. In spite of falling asleep on my Sweetie’s chest (the most comfortable place in the world), we did make it to dinner. We had a great dinner with wonderful conversation. The plan was to go to a late movie or watch a DVD at home after eating. This did not happen. We were so deep in our wonderful conversation that it continued from the restaurant to the house and while we walked up and down our street watching a helicopter and did not finish until after we got inside and ready for bed. I love these discussions.

I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going. Yes, I say that a lot. Nevertheless, it is so true. I am now officially in my third trimester. And other than feeling sick for three months (and now off and on as it turns into heart burn), taking an iron supplement, experiencing some swollen feet, and two beautiful stretch marks (badges of honor – I can’t even imagine what I would have for stretch marks if I gained weight), I have had a great pregnancy. I will honestly miss being pregnant when the wonderful day in June arrives. However, I am sure my little June Bug will keep me distracted.

Speaking of our little bug. I had the most wonderful experience yesterday morning. After watching “In the womb” on Friday, we learned that at this point she knows my voice and can hear others around me, although it is muffled. The neatest part is that they said that if she listens to the same music repeatedly she can “learn it” and recognize it.

I sat on the couch while my Sweetie made muffins. He asked about a Sarah McLachlan song that was stuck in his head and trying very hard to sing the melody. After listening to “Stupid” (which was the song stuck in his head,) I decided to see how much my June Bug can hear. I put the speaker onto my belly and played “Answer”. This is a deeply important song to my sweetie and me. Right when the piano started to play, she began to kick. She kicked through the whole song. She really loved it. My Sweetie came in to see how I was doing. My head was back with tears streaming down my face. It made me so happy to feel her respond to something that I directly caused. Apparently, it was the piano. I played “Baby mine”, a beautiful a cappella version that I found on iTunes. She did not react once.

Yesterday was the normal grocery store outing with Brother tagging along again. However, before heading out my Mom proved to show how much she will spoil this baby. My Sweetie has been drawn to frogs lately. She bought him a frog puppet to use when playing with our baby. It is perfect. We had fun in the store (my Sweetie had fun riding the cart down the isles) although I did get very low in the store and by the time we got to the register I had to purchase a snickers and eat it while sitting on a nearby bench. After the store, MIL and Best Friend came over to the house to talk to my Mom about the shower. Of course, this meant I had to leave the room. I went into our June Bug’s room and sat on the futon renaming photos from our Arboretum outing. As soon as I have the size altered, I will post me on the Cow. It is just too cute. Well my Sweetie actually said, “You look beautiful in this photo”. I have to trust him about this. It makes me feel very loved that this much time, attention, and organization is going into my shower. We all went to dinner after the meeting where Best Friend told me repeatedly that my only part in the shower is to grow the baby and show up on the day. /sigh. It is wonderful, and hard, to not have any control.

That brings us to today. My Sweetie and I slept in too late again. We were in the process of waking up when I looked at my nightstand and saw that my water glass was there all night without a cat knocking it over. With less than 10 seconds from this thought, my big orange boy Bob came running onto the bed, knocked over the glass causing water to hit him and me. This combined with my yelling caused him to freak (all of this happened without him actually stopping) and run across my Sweetie and off the bed. I jumped up and grabbed towels. I noticed that my Sweetie was not moving and I thought it was because he was comfy on the bed. I look over and he has two cuts on his chest and two on his face. My poor baby, he looks like he was in a bar fight. Because I was worried about the excessive blood loss (did that sound like a good reason) we opted to co-shower. It really does save time and money, and it got his focus off his cuts.

Oh and I totally have to write this because I told him that I would blog about it. I made HIM breakfast today. That is right. I did it all myself. It was not anything hard, but I have not made him breakfast in a long time, not since he decided that I need to be a princess. While I LOVE being a princess, I like being able to take care of him from time to time.

This is very long. I should have a bell go off at this point to awake the readers who might be asleep after reading about my boring life.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

What a day!!!

What a wonderful day. We started with breakfast, nothing romantic (I had peanut butter and jelly toast) but he was willing to make anything I wanted. I cannot help it if I can be simple at times.

After enjoying some wonderful conversation, my Sweetie decided that I should rest my eyes for a few minutes before we began our wonderful day. I cannot say no to that.

When I awoke about 30 minutes later, it was time to get ready to begin our adventure. By the time we left the house, I was getting hungry for lunch. We went to the Arboretum, picked up some Pok-E-Joes, and took it over by the cows to enjoy the weather. Although a little windy, it was wonderful (I know I use this word too much). When we parked at the Arbor and my Sweetie opened his door, a toddler boy came running up to him and grabbed his leg (while he was still in the car). This made the mother so embarrassed. However, we could not help but laugh. Obviously, this child knows someone with a car similar to mine. I think the mother felt some relief when she saw my belly when I got out of the car.

After eating, my Sweetie went back to the car to get our camera and Flat Stanley. Flat Stanley is a project for my eight-year-old niece. Family or friends take Flat Stanley on a journey and document with photos. When my Sweetie got back I was leaning on a cow, claiming it for my own. He thought this was very cute. We took a picture with Flat Stanley, the cow, and me and then he says “Now I want a picture of you on the cow.” Of course, I was on the highest of the cows. I was not sure of this set up. However, since my Sweetie is usually more cautious with my belly than I am, and he was ok with it, I decided that it would be a neat shot. He helped me up. I have trouble getting on this cow when I am not pregnant – let alone with a belly as big as mine. I am sure it was a sight. After the picture, I made sure to get one of my Sweetie riding the cow.

We did almost experience a horrible kidnapping when a young child saw Flat Stanley on the ground and decided she should have him. Luckily, the wind came in and took Flat Stanley from her hands and the rescue was successful.

After the cows, we walked over to the lookout portion of the walkway. My Sweetie was so cute and wanted a picture of us together. We shall see if either of the two attempts come out. I might just post a picture with half my face and my Sweetie’s nose.

We left the Arbor and headed to BabiesRus to have some fun. The experience was not as overwhelming as we expected. We went through the store, Sweetie with the checklist and me with the scanner, and had a blast. Several hours and 7 pages later, we completed the registry. It made the whole “having a baby” situation soooo real. I can see how registering can be stressful and cause arguments for some couples, but not us. We had a wonderful time throughout. It really showed me how strong we are as a couple and how ready we are to have this little girl.

From BabiesRus we went to the mall. We enjoyed a snack (I had icecream), purchased a couple of DVD’s, and looked through Build a Bear Workshop (we could not find a soft enough bear). By this point, I was tired, feet were aching, and I needed water. So here we are, resting before our big date tonight. I am sitting on the bed because I can have my swollen feet up easier. My Sweetie is enjoying a nap next to me with Abby sleeping on him. She never does this. I just hope she allows him to wake up to take me to dinner. If he is this crazy over a kitty (and who can blame him) how is he going to be with a little girl. Lord help us all ☺ Alas she moved and now he is awake. I think it is time for us to continue our wonderful day and get ready for our date.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Explaining my poetry

If you have never read my poetry before, you might not know that it can go a little dark. Not all of it, but the majority are this way, This doesn't mean that I am upset. I like to write this way. What started everything today was reading DarkDiva's poem and one from BestFriend that I did not post because the killing me would be so much. Both poems were about MotoDiva and the Diva friendship. I was very into thinking about MotoDiva's life and how everything is changing. That got me started. Once I get started, I flow. Some of my best poems in high school were very dark - although they did make the poetry publication. Some even concerned my mother. When I explained that I don't always write about what I experience, she felt better. A good way to look at it is that I start on an emotion or situaiton and then magnify it.

Unable to Speak

Slip away into the corner
Hiding from on looking eyes
Resisting the urge to scream
Settle for tears

Longing for understanding
Fearful of judgment
Comfort in silence
Away from the world

Life moves too quickly
Hard to keep up
Stupid games we play
To keep out reality

Strength defines
Yet weakness prevails
Expectations to reach
Overwhelmed

~Missy

DarkDiva Poetry

DarkDiva wrote this yesterday. I think it is beautiful and wanted to share. Perhaps I should write some poetry of my own today.

Friends are the ones who remain
After desolation
After the rains clear
After the partygoers have left the house in shambles
After clashes.

Love does not dissipate.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Mental Health Day

Intellectual lawn
Spring day pulls the masses
Clear skies and soft breeze
Such a wonderful feeling

iPod playing in my ears
Steel drums not far away
They seem in time
A Broadway musical for me

I smile taking it all in
This might be my last full day
I spend on campus as a student
A yellow butterfly soars in front of me

This is my school
Where I should be
I started here on my own
Out of my own decision and need

I sway to the music that only I hear
Others read, sun bathe, and play Frisbee
I feel emotional
My journey here is coming to an end

I lie down on the bed of grass
The tree as my comforter
I feel at peace
Then I feel Serif kick
Life is good.

So long ago, yet it feels like yesterday, I walked on this campus to meet my advisor and begin my journey. I asked the first student that I saw to point out Holy Cross Hall. It is a beautiful old building with much history. I had no idea that five and a half years last I would be at the end of my graduate degree. I love my school.
I picked it for several reasons.
1) When I was looking and sending inquiries to the local schools, this is the only one that called me directly – the others sent a form letter.
2) Size – I liked the feel and the attention that comes with a small class
3) My father wanted to go here. However, I never stepped onto campus until the day I officially started the process
4) Flexible class schedules – I would not have to stop working to complete my degree
5) It always felt where I should be

So many of my decisions happened due to situations and factors at the time. This was a decision I made on my own. I announced to the worked that I was going back to school at SEU. It wasn’t a question but a proclamation. I started here not knowing a soul and am leaving with lifelong friends.

Leaving the school you love shouldn’t happen when you are overly emotional. I took advantage of being on campus and bought baby items. So very exciting. When I graduated with my undergraduate degree, I started the MBA program the next month. Now I will graduate with my MBA and start the MOM program the next month. It makes me walk around looking like a crazy woman, with my huge smile – almost as big as my belly :-)

Listen to your heart

This song came on my ipod while I was enjoying my campus. I love the words to this song, so I thought I would share. It is so true, all we can do is listen to our hearts.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know there is something in the wake of your smile
I get emotions from the look in your eyes
You built a love, but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns to dark

Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There is nothing else you can do

I don’t know where you are going
And I don’t know why
Listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide
Swept away, nothing is as it seems
The feelings of belonging to your dreams

Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There is nothing else you can do

I don’t know where you are going
And I don’t know why
Listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

Before you tell him goodbye.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Funny Story

Last night we went to dinner with Best friend and her husband. Of course, we went to our favorite place, Chuy’s. We ran into a guy that my Sweetie used to work with at Serranos during his waiter days. To clarify – my Sweetie worked at Serrano’s from August 2002 until March 2003. After leaving Serrano’s he went to Texas Land and Cattle from March 2003 until the beginning of March 2004 – at which time he quit to dedicate 150% of himself in finding a full time job – which he did and started on April 1, 2004 (Almost a year).

So, we talked with his old co-worker for a couple of minutes and found out that his wife was working that night too. She came by near the end of our meal. I was feeling exceptionally full and without realizing, I sat back in my chair to relieve my back. She looked up at me and points to my belly, looks at my Sweetie and says, “Is that yours?”

He smiled the biggest smile ever and brought his hand to my belly. As he gently rubbed on our little girl’s home, he turned and said “yes”.

I think I am looking rather pregnant lately.

You must be this tall to ride....

My belly is large today – swelling with child. As her arrival approaches, I find the emotional rollercoaster to change course at a faster rate. I admit when the hormones take over my body. Today is a nice combination of bliss and sadness. I am grateful that today is slow at work. I am listening to my iPod. I love this tool. All of my “therapy” songs are on here. With a simple shuffle, I listen to Allison Kraus followed by Tori Amos and some Venus Hum for smiles (how can you not smile at Montana). Do not get me wrong, this is not a full out low state – I do not feel the urge to hide in my closet. Just a little blah followed by a huge YAY. Good thing emotional roller coasters do not make me as sick as an actual one would at this point – not to mention not being able to fit into the seat – lol.

I use this blog as a journal. While I try to focus on all the good in my life, it out weighs the bad by quite a bit, I do not want to paint a picture of a life seen though rose colored glasses. I still experience my depression – not nearly like at my worst. I am very happy to say that my depression is not as bad as some that I know. I have never thought to take my life, nor to harm my body in anyway (many piercings and a tattoo do not count). I am able to function without meds. However, I have low days where my Sweetie does not know what to do to help me. I digress, because today is not a low day.

Today is a “oh my goodness, I am starting my third trimester this weekend, AND there are only 8 weeks left of class (7 until everything is due), AND we need to prepare the house for a baby, AND there is that registry, AND will I come back to work or be a SHAM (stay at home mom) AND graduation – big party or small, AND are we choosing the right name (much harder to name a baby than a cat), AND what about daycare, AND the CPA, AND AND AND……..

Ladies and Gentlemen, you just witnessed a freak out moment experienced by Missy. The experience is much more animated in person.

I still love being pregnant – I simply have these moments of overwhelming sensations.

I had lunch today with my Sweetie. Completely spontaneous and exactly what I needed. He makes me so happy. That is a fact. There is nothing sweeter than receiving an im that says “wow - i am really missing you right now.” This caused our lunch plans.

I have work to do on campus this weekend. Because my campus is so beautiful and since it will be the weekend before spring break and should be empty, my Sweetie is going to come with me. I love this. I love showing off my school. If anyone has not seen my school I am more than willing to offer tours – heehee. Can you tell that I am proud?

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

My Dear Friends

I am having another pregnancy hormone attack. Do not worry – it is a good one. I am simply overwhelmed by my friends. The ones here and outside of the Austin area. They are true friends. How does that song go? Friends are Friends forever. That sounds nice. However, it is not true. I have had my fair share of less than desirable friends. From my college roommate who ended up with a guy who abused her and she pushed me away in the process, to another who hung out with me to try and get my guy, to others who tried to mentally abuse me and discourage my success. I understand in these situations that they were not true friends. I also understand that their actions were not solely about me and I do not hold any grudges. My only point is a comparison.

The Divas are amazing. I know that they would never treat me badly or betray me – we are a sisterhood. My Sweetie likes me to hang out with these women. They are stronger than any of my past friends and much more intelligent. I have been with my Sweetie for almost 13 years, so he is a pretty good judge on comparing present and past friends. I am honored that they include me in their group, even with me being the youngest. It honors me even more that they consider me as intelligent as they are. I do not see it yet, but I will not argue the compliment.

MotoDiva is staying with Best Friend until she can move into her own place. Apparently, there was a “secret” meeting about me last night. They were discussing my baby shower. You see MotoDiva is a project manager, PMP, as a trade. She is the best to talk to with about any project. All three women are very excited about this baby. Last I heard, DarkDiva is going to design the invites. Her first degree is in Studio Art – before she decided to go back to school and become a doctor.

I met Best Friend Christmas of 2001 and we started hanging out at the beginning of 2002. She was instantly telling me how wonderful, smart, and successful that I am. It was very different from my best friend at the time. She changed my life. I can say that for sure. She also understands depression and what I go through. My self-esteem skyrocketed with her. She is the one who introduced me to MotoDiva and DarkDiva. This group also showed me that it is ok to only surround yourself with those that you like and respect.

I am very lucky that my only friends are not only in Austin. Sweetie’s Best friend from highschool’s wife is a good friend. In spite of everything going on in her life, she always checks up on me. She has even offered to come and stay with me some after the baby. This is much appreciated. She is a good friend that I feel very comfortable confiding in.

I am having a day where I feel very blessed.

I received an update from Classmates.com, the reunion is drawing near so I always check the updates. I think my Sweetie is the only part of me that is the same since 10 years ago. I am more confident, more able, more compassionate, have a better body image, and feel much less of a need to “fit in” with everyone. I guess to sum it up – I like who I am, I like the life I live, and I love those who are around me.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

After 6 weekends of rain, we have sunshine. Not just sunshine, but blue skies, highs forecasted for the upper 60’s/low 70’s and only one day of rain in the forecast during the week before a “should be” pretty weekend.

I am in a great mood today. We overslept this morning. Not with a frantic – get out of bed and rush, rush, rush way – but in a let us snuggle longer kind of way.

Since I am not taking a class on campus, it has not hit me that my last spring break is next week. Before baby, Sweetie and I planned to go to Portland. However, due to finances, and flying, this has changed. The other bad part is that this class has so much to do in it; I probably will be busy with schoolwork. That is ok with me. This weekend I will be at school working on a big project due on Monday. Then the next weekend we are going to see Cirque Du Soleil. It is going to be awesome. Baby (ugh she has a name – should I post it?) is at a point where she responds to light and sound, so she should have some fun.

Something hit me yesterday on the way home. I was thinking of my little one and her coming into the world. I think about this a lot. And I suddenly realized that we will be the first to hold her, to kiss her, to love her. She will be brand new – just for us. I cannot wait. Even with the pain, the sickness, the exhaustion, I love being pregnant. I love not caring about sucking in my belly. I love the looks I get from both men and women. I love that more doors are opened for me. I love that co-workers fell closer to me and ask about the health of my baby. I feel closer to my co-workers and I fit in more than before pregnancy. I love that when they ask how I am feeling it is not simply to see polite, they honestly are looking out for me. This is such a miracle.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

What a weekend

My life is interesting. When it is busy, it is busy. Let us recap.

Friday – Dinner with my Mentor and three fellow students was wonderful. Everyone petted the belly and told me how wonderful I look. My mentor has a great opportunity and will go to China in August for a year with a university swap program. It is so good for her. Luckily, she will be in town for my shower, graduation, and when Baby arrives. It is very interesting for five accountants to get together, especially when 4 attended the same undergraduate and graduate programs and the other taught us all during our undergraduate degrees. I love how strong I feel around these women. My mentor did wonderful things for me regarding career and education decisions as well as my self-esteem.

Friday night our friends from Dallas, Terry’s best friend since High School, arrived with their two little girls. They are so cute. They stayed through this morning and we had a great time. After the girls went to sleep, we played games both nights. This was nice. We have not really played games with him since he moved out in 2003.

Our friends visited family while my Sweetie and I celebrated SIL’s b-day. Dave & Buster’s is so much fun. After my Sweetie beat me a number of times with the horse racing, he won me another big pillow. This time the pillow is a big orange daisy, simply perfect. He loves making me happy.

Today, after saying goodbye to our friends, we went to the store with Mom and Brother. I had some ligament pain during the store so it was not the happiest, but I still had fun. After the store, and some much needed Tylenol, we simply sat and talked for a few hours. Brother is doing so well. I love seeing him once a week. I hope it is helping him. Before he left we looked at the nursery to evaluate what needs to happen to make it perfect for our little one. Sweetie organized the room a lot before our friends arrived, so it was the perfect time for taking stock. We determined that the next step needs to be painting. This is exciting. So much to do and we are so ready. Playing with our friend’s children helps with our confidence level, especially the younger one. She is wonderful. Seeing my Sweetie holding a baby makes me so very happy.

So another whirlwind weekend comes to a close. We had a great time with family and friends. I love playing games with my Sweetie. Even with all the activity and group get-togethers my Sweetie took the best care of me. I hit the point in my pregnancy where discomfort sets in. This started Friday night. My Sweetie was so sweet and massaged my back while we played games with friends. Just one of the little things that he dose to show his support and devotion with our relationship.

Since Budi did not fully appreciate my Shower Scene post, I will try to keep in mind that a variety of readers enjoy my life. However, I cannot promise that occasional descriptions of loving moments will not appear in this blog : - )

Friday, March 04, 2005

100 Days

See my ticker today? It says 100 days. That is crazy. That means tomorrow we enter the double digits until baby’s due date. WOW. This is even more symbolic because my Sweetie and I planned our wedding in 100 days. From the point of deciding to move up the wedding and proceeding with the planning to the actual day of celebration, we only had 100 days. So 100 days means a lot to me. I cannot believe that 180 days of pregnancy have passed – 167 since conception. That sounds like so much compared to 24 weeks. It feels like so much longer. Life has been so wonderful, fulfilling, and complete since September 18, 2004.

Good Day Good Day

OK back to accounting speak. My company uses a 5-day close. This varies from company to company. I worked with 10 and 20 before and now this one is the fastest. Now it is not as bad as it sounds because we are a much larger department. This close I was determined to show off for my boss. Our Controller insisted that 5-day close actually become a 5-day close, sometimes other areas take longer. Today is day 4. Moreover, I am DONE. I ROCK. My boss called me a superstar today. Hope that means he is taking note. I feel accomplished in my work the last couple of weeks. I have worked hard and smart, with little overtime. I do like my job. I am lucky that I can wear flip-flops and jeans. I do not have a “do or die” start time in the morning and I can take lunch whenever I get hungry. While I mostly eat at my desk so I can leave early, another benefit, I am not penalized for a long lunch. I am having a “very happy with my job” day.

I just got word that my brother changed his work schedule so he can spend Sunday with me. This makes me very happy. My Sweetie has to work some this weekend. If he wants, I will go in with him and help him feel productive. In spite of such business, I plan to have a wonderful weekend.

Shower Scenes and Weekend Plans

Last night was our second Birthing class. It was great. We were late because of awful traffic. The new Whole Foods opened. This is so nice. We went there for dinner. It really is a neat store. However, the opening caused a lot of downtown to stand in gridlock. While we were late for class, we were not the last to arrive and we did not miss anything. This class was more interactive and Sweetie did great. It helped that our baby was very active with kicking and punching all through the class. Of course, during the relaxation and breathing time my Sweetie started singing silly songs in my ear making me laugh. That is the key to a lasting marriage – laughter.

When we got home, we attempted to order our crib. Apparently, this crib is going to haunt us. Once again, we found that the one that we want is sold out – from two locations. We might have to look into another crib for our precious angel to sleep.

Right now, I am experiencing a bit of a sinus headache due to all the recent rain. Once again, the sky is grey and cloudy. This is not going to kill my mood today. I slept great and woke up so comfortable in our bed. You know what I am talking about, when your sheets are extra comfy and you dread experiencing the cold morning – ok cold for Texas mind you. The solution? To sleep an extra snooze and compromise with a co-shower to save time. OK so it was not that big of a compromise.  Although, the shower is getting tight with my belly. I do not think the manufacturer intended on the shower holding three. I can’t imagine how it would be if I was like some on my pregnancy board who have gained 30 pounds. It was so much fun though as Sweetie soaped up my back and we discussed my ever-growing belly. I know TMI, but it made me happy – so you get to read about it.

Tonight I doubt I will be able to post, so I am getting my fill in today. Luckily, today is a slower day as I have completed 99% of my close responsibilities. The only item left involves me waiting on others. Tonight I am meeting with two-three school friends and my undergraduate Accounting Professor (my mentor). It should be fun. I have not seen them since I started showing. I am so cute today in my new shoes. Did I mention how much I love these shoes? I am also wearing a cute pink t-shirt and a black short skirt. The funny thing is that the only “maternity” item that I am wearing is my shirt. I am very luck with how much of my pre-pregnancy clothing that I can still wear.

Tonight we also have friends coming from Dallas. This should be fun since they are bringing their two little girls. We already warned them that the extra room is a mess right now. This helps me from freaking out. They are coming to see family so we are happy to help with a place to sleep. I love their girls and enjoy anytime that I can spend with them. The camera is loaded and ready.

Tomorrow (like all weekends it seems) we have plans. This time they are very fun plans. It is my SIL’s (husband’s sister) b-day celebration. We are going to Dave & Busters to play games and have a fun time. This is something that I love doing with my Sweetie. I tend to kick his butt on racing games. For the evening, we might get together with Mom, Brother, and his wife. Ever since his hospital-visit, he is making sure that he sees us on a weekly basis. I like this. This is how we are getting closer. I need to make efforts of the same for my MIL and SIL. I do not see them as much as I would like.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Time Flies

I know I say it with each week, but I cannot believe that I am 26 weeks this weekend. This is getting close. Best Friend is working with my mom regarding my shower. This makes sense since they recommend showers for around 30 weeks. That is only a month away, which means only 10 weeks until graduation, and like 8 weeks of school. There is so much to do for school. I think I will have to start having my Saturday mornings on campus to get everything complete. It will be very worth it though to walk for my MBA. In addition, I graduate on Mother’s Day weekend. There cannot be a better present. I get to graduate with our baby inside me and Sweetie hopefully will have baby in the world for Father’s day. It has been a long time since father’s day was special. I am hoping she comes before June 19, but I am afraid she will be much like her mama and decide to be 2 weeks late which puts her a week late for father’s day.

Last night my mom and I finalized the list for the shower. I do not consider myself an overly popular person. I have my group of friends and a small family. However, we came up with 30 names. I know that not all will be able to make it. However, it made me happy to be able to list names of friends/family that would want to know about the shower. Want to feel special, list the people with whom you want to share special moments.

If you know me at all, you know that I am not big on the present aspect of the shower. This makes me feel awkward. However, it is part of the ritual and I will play along. My Sweetie and I are hoping to start our registry this weekend. This is stressful – what do we need/want/desire. What will she like? I know that we are over analyzing it. I hope that once we get into the store things will go smoothly. It happened that way with our bridal registry. We had fun making that registry. We need to go ahead and order our crib this weekend. I think our weeknights are going to have to be more productive in getting the nursery ready. I cannot wait. It is time for a nothing-special room to become fabulous.

I just have to share our bedding. This is what my Sweetie fell in love with. We still need to order it, but it is the theme of the room – if you call it a theme. We are having an underlying theme with items in the room that are very “us”.

This is so much fun. Overwhelming? Yes. Scary? Of course. But it is fun. We have our second birthing class tonight. I cannot wait. The only thing I hope is that it is a little more interactive than the first class. It was very informative and I enjoyed it. However, Sweetie has issues with lecture type situations – he starts to go to sleep. Poor guy. Luckily, I know that he retains the information that he hears in a lecture format when he sleeps. This is very funny because he has a habit of appearing to be fully awake when he is sleeping in a non-lecture setting and he never remembers those conversations – lol.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Yummy Dinner

After a wonderful dinner, I am nicely fed sitting in my bed surfing the internet before time to drift off. Sweetie is on his game. He deserves it after cooking me such a wonderful meal. We had the fabulous pork stir-fry.

On the way home the Cyndi Lauper song “Time After Time” came on the radio. I love this song. Today the chorus really made me thing of my Sweetie. In case you forgot the lyrics, or were too young in 1983:

“If you're lost, you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time”

This is so how I feel about my Sweetie. I love him unconditionally. Tonight while we were setting the table, he came up behind me and said, “You need to turn around for this”. Of course, I turn around and he grabs me and kisses me passionately. This is the kind of romance that I love.

Very good news, the kitties are great. The baby is acting as if she did not have surgery today. This is unlike any of our other cats. All others would hide under the bed for at least the next day. Not this one, she is begging for loving and playing in the water like nothing happened.

What a difference a day makes

I did not realize what anemia could do to a person. I have never had this problem before. The dark circles under my eyes and my pale complextion are almost back to normal after only one day on the iron supplements. This makes me very happy. I even have more energy today.

Sweetie took our newest kitties to the vet today. Mom to get shots and baby to get fixed. This meant that we had to lock them in the bathroom last night to keep them from eating and such. This killed me. The pregnancy hormones are crazy. I was crying last night because we put them in a bathroom. The next 14.5 weeks are going to be interesting.

I cooked dinner last night. Why do I mention this? Because my Sweetie has been so wonderful and does most everything at home for me. However, last night he wanted my famous Missy Mess. It was so good. It actually felt good to be in the kitchen cooking. To top it off, I was barefoot. That is funny.

I worked like a mad woman today. Not due to overwhelming stress, but because I want to be “on” for this close. So far, this is a success. Alas, I am tired – I think I was working harder than I thought.

It is almost time for me to pack up and head home. Tonight Sweetie and I are making a romantic dinner together. I cannot wait. Let’s hope I can stay awake.