long day/night

Today was filled with emotion. I am up very late. My day started with consoling a friend. Love sucks sometimes. She is a good friend to me and I made sure to try and help in her time of sadness. At least I hope I helped. Everyone is going through something. And to be honest, I don't want to waste energy on blame. If I am not a party involved, then all I can do is be supportive.

Sometimes all you need is a little push from the universe to remind you of why things turned out the way they did. You know like when you find out an ex boyfriend is in jail - you know that regardless of the hurt that was there at the end, it was worth it. I received an email from someone who was a friend. I had been to visit one of my best friends in the same complex and it brought back some emotions on how things ended. I knew I had contributed to pain and I hate that. I had to clear the air and let her know that I do feel remorse and that I hope she has a wonderful life. Thank you universe for reminding me. You don't critique an apology. Even if you think it is horrible, you hit delete. Why waste the energy. It just makes me laugh. I turned to BestFriend, of course, and thanked her for not pointing out my faults. She replied with the best answer (hope you don't mind me quoting you):

yes i have
i point them out CONSTANTLY
you're stubborn
especially when it comes to taking compliments
you're too considerate, especially when it comes to people who aren't worthy
you're WAY too cute
the kind of cute that is infuriating
IT MAKES ME SO MAD!
let's see... what else
btw :p <------

She told me exactly what I needed to hear. And it isn't the first time I have been told this. I try to surround myself with only amazing people, but I do tend to be too considerate of those unworthy. No longer. I shall not waste my energy. I wanted things to end better. Perhaps that isn't an option. But I am done, so that is all that matters.

During the day, one of my peeps needed my help. Thanks to an unused training room, we were able to speak frankly about the issues. There were hugs, tears, and much appreciation. Today was one of those days that I just felt like a good person.

Tonight we had dinner with Brother. Things have been strained between us. Tonight we made up for that. We talked for hours. There we tears, laughter, and much needed bonding. I adore my big brother. It looks like he may be moving soon. It tears me up inside. I don't judge him for wanting to go. But I won't lie, I will miss him. We stayed up past Sweetie and Bug, we kept talking. He is my brother, but also my friend. Once again I was reminded of what friendship is about. Thank you Brother!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think a friend should sit back and always agree. Not at all. BestFriend isn't that way either. She tells me straight up her opinion when I ask for it. However, she knows my intentions before I even finish my sentences. She knows if we are having a "let's plan the future" conversation that things are always serious (like with the CPA/CMA discussion). Or if what I am saying comes out wrong because it is all that I have to say. She knows my meaning. If I say I am sorry for everything, she won't critique and say that I forgot three specific items. She will understand my intentions of an apology. And I do the same for her.

I know you don't read my blog any more. But if you come across these words, please know I truly do wish you health and happiness.

I am blessed. Life is good. I am very happy. My friends are going through issues right now. I want to help them all. That is probably why my first major in college was psychology. The road from that to accounting is interesting, but for another time.

I ordered the review material for my CMA. I also wrote up a proposal for my company to help with the expenses. I have to convince two cpa's that the cma is worthy. I am so silly sometimes. My honest biggest fear, I know sounds silly, is not that they will say that they aren't going to pay, it is that the CFO decides all the accountants should have this credential. I know silly. There are three CPAs in my office and another accountant studying for it. If I took that one I could be one of five CPAs. Why would I feel different about the CMA. I guess I want it to be my thing for the time being.

Today was just one of those days where at each turn I felt I was being reminded of things. I appreciate days like this. I appreciate my family and friends. I appreciate what a good friend they know I am. I appreciate that I can go months without hearing from them only to speak and get caught up and not blamed for the lapse in time. I appreciate that I know that regardless of what is going on, that I can depend on these people.

Ok it is WAY late and Bug is going to get up in a few hours. I must go to sleep. Good night all, have a fantastic weekend. We gave Bug a digital camera for her b-day. This is one of the pics from her first "roll". I love seeing things through her eyes.

Still here

I have not blogged in some time. I am still here. AC is working, Bug is potty trained 99% - woo hoo. My tactic of not legally being able to buy diapers once she turned 3 worked. OK or maybe it was the compromise of me saying I wouldn't push again until after she turned three. The point is that we have not had her in a normal diaper since the 8th. And she is in panties all day every day. She totally rocks.

Last weekend BestFriend and I joined DarkDiva to get her belly button pierced. I am so glad that we went as support. I don't get a chance to support my friends as much as I truly want, I am making it a higher priority. I have amazing friends and I want to spend as much time as I can with them. And I walked out without getting a piercing or tattoo - amazing. OK only because we ran out of time.

There is drama everywhere. There are 8 couples in my life whose marriages are ending/in trouble. It is heart breaking. I am not one to believe in staying married when things are bad. You have to make it better or get out. Regardless of the situation, it is still emotional.

And I guess it is time to announce. The new thing with work. I am putting the CPA on hold for the time being. I am instead focusing on the CMA - Certified Management Accountant. This is more along what I do. They are both hard tests, same number of parts, education requirement, experience requirement, ethics requirement, and test at the same location. The bottom line difference, the CPA focuses on auditing the financials of a company while the CMA is the one who prepares the financials. I started the process and should receive the notice to test for the first section very soon. Wish me luck. Interesting thing - I had trouble finding a mac CPA review. I have found several CMA reviews for mac. So that is the new thing for me.

OH AND BIG NEWS. I got my thyroid tested last week. It was a nice and NORMAL NUMBER. That means nine months of normal and counting. I truly think they will say remission in Sept when I go back.

We will see how incredibly long all of my little projects will take.

The main thing is that I am feeling good, strong, and happy.

My Bug, oh how I love her:

things happen as they do

The feeling of sickness has left me. And, unfortunately, went to BestFriend - so so sorry. Though I still have a sinus infection looming. Monday I was home sick. Sure enough, to top it all off, our AC broke. Do you know what having an air conditioner break in triple degree heat means?

• waiting until Friday for a replacement
• being grateful for not spending the incentive check yet
  
• discovering cool bubble baths are a fun to cool off with Bug
  
• being thankful for our advancements in potty training in the last week and a half so Bug can run around as she please and not overheat/or case a mess
• being comfortable sleeping naked - normally I love covers and PJs
• realizing that while 91 degrees inside sucks, it isn't so bad
• being grateful for Sweetie installing fans all over the house
• being surprised to discover how cool the kitchen floor stays ;-)

And, of course, me being me, I am highly considering a slight alteration to my plan. That is why my plans live in excel, so I can change them. I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching, and networking. I want to do what is best for my career right now. And to be honest, I have never been one to follow the beaten path. So it looks like the CPA is going to be put on hold for the time being. Not given up on by any means. I found something that I think will help me more at this point in time - more on that as it progresses. The good news is that I already started the first step.

And I am a horrible mother. I have not uploaded my photos from the party. They are coming, I promise. Things are just busy, hot and busy.

Now that I am feeling better though - because I am not letting this sinus issue get me down - I am getting back into getting healthy, organizing, and moving forward with goals.

I also go and get my blood tested tomorrow - cross fingers for normal.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my Sweetie. You are an amazing father. Thank you for loving us so very much. This day is all about you, and when I got sick you never complained about not having a day of pampering for yourself. I shall make this one up to you. You are my world, my heart, my future, and my greatest friend. Thank you.

Yes, I am sick today. Blah. I woke up at 4:00am and was awake until 7:30 sick. I am finally starting to feel better. I am hoping it was just a 24 hour bug, bad food maybe. And even with feeling bad today and not up to par, I still had a fantastic weekend. Friday we saw T and her family. She is doing AWESOME. Yesterday was mani/pedi and lunch with BestFriend and then I went to DarkDiva's belly dancing performance with BestFriend, Mom, Sweetie, and Bug. She was beautiful, as always. We completed the evening with food and icecream. Awesome night day.

OK I am off to bed. Here is to a productive week and feeling fantastic.

crazy day

As I wrote before, things are crazy this week. This morning T had her surgery. She is in recovery - YAY! Of course, things can't be as simple as they should be. Bug got sick at 5:00, 6:55, 7:30 and then again at 1:00. UGH. I have afternoon duty with her. I just want her to feel better. Then tonight Sweetie takes over as Mom and I go to the hospital. I have to check on T and make sure everything is ok. I think visiting friends in the hospital is very important. So that is my crazy day.

so much

The party was a smashing success. It was exactly what I hoped for, a park filled with people who love her and friends to play with. Thank you to everyone who came. It was so nice to see as many of my own friends there as her's.

This weekend was filled with so much emotion. There is a lot going on with my family/friends. And it is my nature to try and take care of everyone. I love my peeps. And this week looks to be as busy, if not more so.

Tonight we are going to hang out with BestFriend. I am looking forward to it. I do not get to see her enough. Then Wednesday my dear friend T is having surgery. We will be at the hospital Wed and Thursday night offering our help.

And with everything going on, it is so nice to have friends who support me and give me advice on hard decisions. It is even nicer that both told me the same thing and didn't know I was chatting with the other. It honestly cracks me up. But they know how I over think and stress over things. They accept me how I am, dorkiness and all.

"if you close the hole in your hand tight, not as many butterflies get in" ~ BestFriend

To my Bug on her 3rd b-day

Oh my dear little girl, I cannot express how happy you make me. You are an amazing little girl. I love how you are the right mix of tom boy and silly girl. You love your princess (tinker bell) as well as thomas the train and cars. I knew that you would change my life. I simply did not understand by how much. Since your arrival three years ago, so much has happened, we have grown together, concurred battles together, and laughed on a daily basis. You bring out my silliness and I adore that. You reminded me of what is important in life. You made us a family. I now cannot imagine life without you. Whether you are giggling, running, or arguing with me about the existence of the number four, you are pure joy. I love how you sing like I do, how you snuggle, and how you hide under the covers. Sweetie and I love being parents. You make it a thrill.

And thank you for being so awesome at your first movie yesterday - Kung Fu Panda was awesome with you. Thank you for playing hooky with us.

I love you honey, I hope you love being three (yes 3, not 5 like keep saying, I am not ready for that).

Springy Arches

Well, I am happy to report that BestFriend was right, as she always is, and I was over reacting. He RSVPd yes. YAY. Now we may change some logistics, but I know where his heart lies and I apologize for anything nasty written or thought. But I wouldn't be a good lil sister if I didn't fly off the handle every now and again. The day is going to be perfect for my Bug and that is all that matters.

So I go crazy sometimes - it is true. But it is because I love my family so very much. They are my world.

Oh and last night Sweetie, Bestfriend, Christie, Bug, and I all went bowling. Bug was a pro. I cannot wait to do it again with her.

I got some arch supports for my shoes, we shall see if they help. They feel a little odd right now, but very springy.

Tomorrow is the 3rd annual celebrate Bug day. We are hoping to take her to a movie - yay. Then we prepare for the party. WOO HOO!

pissed

I should not blog when I am pissed. It is not productive or positive. But I cannot help it right now.

But this is the thing. Bug's b-day is Saturday. This is the first b-day that she is fully aware of her day and is looking forward to it. This party is ONLY two hours of one evening. This party is not at a far away location. This party is important to HER. This is not about holding grudges or judging. This is about keeping the day innocent and about HER. I didn't want anyone to have to answer questions. I have THREE people in my family. That is all. If one is missing - it is obvious.

I am just beyond words. And you don't even know it. I overheard the conversation. It wasn't said to me. And I think that makes it worse. I thought the day was important to you too. I thought you were the ultimate uncle. I thought we meant the most. I understand your company leaves the next day. But it is TWO FUCKING HOURS. I have friends that not only cleared their schedule but also asked how they can help, and said they wouldn't think of inviting their legit boyfriends/girlfriends.

I feel in a horrible position. I don't want to back down on my decision. I don't want to give in in order to stay in your life. I shouldn't have to. I have given in with other ways. I have shown that I love you no matter what, I have been as supportive as I can. Don't take that for granted.

I hope and pray that you change your mind before Saturday. I hope I don't have to explain this to you. I hope you come to your senses. I just cannot believe that this is even a stress I am having. I never thought I would. I am so fearful that you won't change your mind, that you will remain selfish and this will hurt our relationship.

Perhaps our relationship doesn't mean as much as you claim it does.

mixed emotions

Things are interesting this week. A lot of different things going on. Hard to sort out my feelings. We have a dinner tonight. I am cautious. BestFriend will be there with us, that helps. If this headache would go away, I would be so much better.