It is Saturday morning and I am up before my family. That just isn't right. So I find myself here. I am feeling blue. I hate it. Yes, it is over my health. I know everything will be ok. Let's face it, whatever it is, it will be ok. I am strong, I can take it all. I just feel like I have no control right now. The worst part is being told "it will be ok" or other generic statements. I know it is meant well. But I am the type of person who does not live on statements like "it will be ok", I want a plan of attack, I want to know HOW to make it ok. And I have yet to hear a doctor say "don't worry, it is nothing" or "it will be ok" so I have been a little distracted.
This CPA thing is bugging me to no end. I am stressing on it. Do I postpone, or continue? I need to know what to do as I have 6 weeks to complete my studying. And Sweetie, while I love him, is driving me nuts. I told him I was stressed about the test and he said "you will pass it wonderfully". That is not what I want to hear, I want a brainstorming session where we plan how I can pass while my body is tired and my brain is distracted. I have consulted four people on the subject. Two say to postpone now regardless of the outcome on Thursday and focus on health and to test when my kids are older. Two say to push through and use it as a distraction from everything else, that I should use it as something I can control. I hate decisions.
My eye twitch returned. It means I am stressed. Then Mom finds stress can elevate your WBC. Great.
Today is the Keep Austin Weird 5k. I am not looking forward to it. Yes, my friends will be there, but I want to sit in my hole until Thursday. I know that isn't healthy. It is just how I am feeling. Being around friends will be good.
Mom and I figure, as no one had heard of Graves' before I was diagnosed, that I have some rare disease that I will get to explain every time I tell someone. Nothing as well known as cancer. LoL, I guess you would have to be there because this truly got us laughing. Not that cancer is anything to laugh at.
Thursday night Mom hung out with us as I needed her, and she is the best after all. I told everyone that I needed to get out of the house so we went to dinner. After dinner we came out to find the most beautiful double and full rainbow ever. I took it as my sign that I am going to be ok. And if you were in Austin that night and saw it, I hope you liked my sign. I am good and I share. Actually, it brought some huge smiles my way and made me try to follow it - the gold would be nice about now- and we ended up getting Gelato. mmm mmmm peanut butter cup gelato.
It is 9:45 and I just had someone come to the door. I peeped out the peep hole and see two suites with their little note pads and address books. Look, don't come to my house before 10 on a Saturday. I did not answer. I should still be sleeping after all.
Yes, I am in a mood.
Father's day is tomorrow. I need to do some shopping today. And the grocery store. UGH. And Sweetie hasn't figured out what he wants to do yet. Blah.
OK I think I have vented enough. I am going to go and get dressed for the day, hopefully that will help the mood.
1 comment:
I will tell you that I'm here for you as well as the other biotches whenever you need us! Draw from our strength!
Post a Comment