Bringing Sexy Back

Time to go deep again. My boss is on vacation so this week is crazy busy. Mostly self directed busy because I want him to come back and be like "WOW Missy is THE best employee ever, I will keep ignoring her coming in late and leaving early." But still, I find myself wanting to post today. Today is a rainy day and that always makes me look inward.

I said in an earlier post that I have been doing a lot of thinking. Well here is part of it. 2001 was a very bad year for us. Between lay offs and bad jobs and stress it was not good. I was lucky and was only out of work for 1 week. Sweetie was out for 16. This was a huge turning point in my life. I stayed in school through the stress- I worked full time while earning both my BBA and my MBA. My thyroid broke in the beginning of 2002. I gained weight. I was stressed. Life became about getting by and not planning. Things are changing. Now I am not saying the last 6 years have been completely horrible. Not in the least. I earned degrees, met some wonderful friends, completed two half marathons for LLS, and had my beautiful daughter.

However, I noticed something about me. I was focused on school. Then I was focused on school and pregnancy. Then I was focused on new baby. See where I am going. See how you can lose yourself. I realized that my clothes are all "get-by" clothes. Except for a couple of outfits for special occasions, all my clothing is the minimal amount to get by because of wanting to lose weight and not wanting to spend money on clothing that I will only shrink out of. My hair has even been the same way. I used to keep my hair short. Then I grew it out. I have really only cut my hair on a needed basis. I am not sure what I want to do with my hair, but I want something fun. The same goes for the house. Our house got out of control at this time, mostly because who can find the time to do housework when working 40+ hours a week and attending school full time. And now I see the CPA review coming up and worry about focusing on that and losing myself more. Nope, I cannot allow that.

I feel that I have been in a hole since 2001. No more. The ripple effect from that year is over. No longer. No longer will I think certain things were better before then.

So I am in a process of working on my self-esteem and me. I want to feel sexy and wonderful and most importantly me again. I am reclaiming control of all areas of my life. No longer am I going to settle for control over certain areas. I am going to live life today and not for "when" happens. In the past it was: when I finished school, when I had Bug, when I found a good job, when I passed the CPA, when I went into remission, when I lost weight. No more whens. Only now. Living for now.

My plan?

• I have five weeks until CPA review begins. I am going to use this time to work on me and my house. No miracles expected, no real goals. But I am going to focus on spending some time on me everyday. I am hoping to get the house in order. Nothing perfect, just more under control.
• As far as the weight, I am still trying to lose it. I am focusing on eating healthy and wonderful foods and my walking. I want to add yoga as well because I need more flexibility - but no rush. The goal is to move daily.
• Clothing, as I am an accountant, I cannot bring myself to buy new clothing yet. However, I am going to focus on accessories and such that make me feel special. That being said, I will be purchasing new outfits for the Blog Blowout and have already started the process of finding a great sundress for SIL#2's wedding.
• Hair, like I said, I am not sure what I want to do. I love the ponytail ease and look. However, I have thick hair and that makes for some head sweat. I am thinking of going shorter for the summer, like a short bob. Color? No idea.
• Hobby, I want to find something that is fun to do. Outside of work and CPA. Something that is relaxing. Not sure what yet, but I will find it.
• New experiences, the BlogBlowout is a big step in this direction. I cannot wait to meet these wonderful women. BestFriend is planning a tubing trip with the Divas, yay. And, of course, I am working on the next family vacation. Sweetie and I are wanting to go camping and enjoy nature.

Well, I am sure I bored everyone enough. I am excited and feeling very positive. I will keep everyone updated on my progress.