just some girl time

Sweetie is hanging out with MIL so it is just me and Bug. We are enjoying some noodles and grapes - we are very simple at times :-) We planned on some baking tonight, but that will depend on Bug. If she isn't in the mood, no big deal. The goal is to relax.

I cannot even express how happy I am to be past the nausea. While I am still suffering some fatigue, being able to eat and drink again is pure bliss. That doesn't mean that I am functioning at full force, sciatic nerve pain has already started and I tire very easily.

Things are a little stressed, but we will survive, as we always do. I have faith that what is meant to be will happen. The main thing is that I want Sweetie happy. He deserves it.

In other news, I am so excited about tomorrow. Bug and I will both be witches. We are going to SIL's again and plan to have a grand time. I hope to get pics uploaded this weekend of the fun.

16 week appointment

We went to my 16 week appointment today. They did an unexpected sonogram to see if they could see sex. The first half the NP thought girl, then the baby rolled over and showed more. She declared that she thinks it is a boy, but nothing certain and that I would find out in 2 weeks at my anatomy scan. Bug heard her say boy and started crying saying that it was a girl. The crying wasn't in a fit sort of way, but very sad. She had Sweetie pick her up and she cried into his shoulder. He, understandably, just wanted to be able to say that it was a girl.

The not knowing for sure killed me. I called the 3/4d ultrasound place a friend went to. I figured if I couldn't get an appointment in before my anatomy scan on the 9th, it wasn't meant to be. Well, they got me in before the 9th. In fact, they got me in today. It was awesome. A sonogram without stress or worry - YAY. Baby was lying just like me with his arms behind his head. This is funny as there is a picture of Bug as a new born with both of our arms behind our head as we slept.

She confirmed what I heard that morning. She stated that she was 99.8% sure that it is a BOY! Yay. We were sure that Bug was a boy. When we found out the sex we were so thrown we took the remainder of the day off. This time we thought it was a girl and once again got thrown off. Goes to show, we don't know much - lol. We are thrilled and happy and excited. Honestly, I am just over the top after seeing strong legs, beating heart, and knowing the sex. I feel like yet another layer of the scared coat that I have been wearing was lifted. I feel like I can shop now, and bond fully with my son.

No worries about Bug. By the time we got home, she was good with the whole baby brother concept.

Happy

Life is good. No cramping all weekend. I had a great time with my friends on Saturday night. Plus my Brother is back from Alaska. I missed him so much and am so happy he is back.

I smiled a lot this weekend. Sweetie was the source of much of it. He made sure I had fun and laughed while also resting. I have to say, there is nothing that makes me happier than watching him be a father. He walks on his hands, dances silly, and carries her around just to hear her laugh. Yes, I am in a hormonal/emotional state. I am simply feeling much love for my family :-)

Next appointment is Tuesday. I will let everyone know how it goes.

time to chill

So nothing major to report. But I have been having some minor cramping. I told Sweetie that I thought it was due to me needing to drink more water. I called the nurse today and they had me do a urine test to rule out bladder infection. Good news, it came back clean. The nurse instructed me to rest some this weekend and make sure to up my fluid intake. Sounds good to me.

We have a crazy weekend planned, but not too much. We have soccer in the morning, a baby shower to attend for an ex-teacher of Bug's, and then back to Gumbos to listen to BestFriend's boyfriend. Sitting, eating good food, and listening to wonderful music - that is my kind of rest.

frustration

I may be the same weight I was when I got pregnant with Bug, but things are very different this time. I am sick just like with her. But I am having the back pain, lack of sleep, and utter exhaustion after standing much earlier. Please do not take this as complaining about my situation.

Sink is still clean, been doing a little housework every night (trying not to focus on what still needs to be done), and trying to listen to my body and rest when needed. Sweetie is amazing and has been cooking and cleaning for me. He is very protective of me and I have to admit that I love it. If I mention any cramping or exhaustion he sends me to rest. My next Dr appt is on Tuesday.

I just need to get past the frustration. I can only do what I can do. I am different from everyone else and need to accept that. My dry eyes have been very bad this week. That is something I look forward to after having my baby - being able to treat my disease. Since we were trying they would not prescribe anything worthwhile. In many ways I feel like I have been pregnant for well over a year. After the miscarriage we knew that we would be trying again with the first of the year. This meant nothing crazy medicine or diet wise.

OK enough complaining. I am happy - I just need a good night sleep :-)

while my reports run

I think I am going to hop over here and work on some more me time. It does help to write things out.

I am doing better. So far the sink has been clean for two days - this is the first step with Flylady. And last night I did my 15 minutes of laundry. Not much, but a huge start. Tonight is more of the same. However, we are attacking our living/dining/kitchen area. We need a new fridge and in order for that to happen, some organization needs to occur.

A new fitness challenge starts this week. I am hoping to complete this one. No worries, all easy going exercise for me.

OK funny story. Bug and I were having a bit of a disagreement about show and tell and getting ready for school. On the way she said "mom, we are fighting". I couldn't say anything but "yes, honey I think we are." She is getting big. The most wonderful and frustrating part is that she understands so much now. She is so excited for baby - aka Cricket. She wants her (no sex determined yet, Bug just claims she is a girl) to come out now and play. We were discussing Christmas and I told her that I want to do a ton of crafts and baking as I want this Christmas very special for her. She asked me why, and not in a "saying it to hear myself say it" way but in an honest question. I explain that next Christmas is going to be very special with a new babybrothersister, but that this is her last Christmas with just her. I just love her so much. She is my awesome little friend.

Speaking of which, I need to go and get her.

me and my brain

I am overwhelmed. It is true. I worry about being able to juggle two kiddos, keep the house clean, keep up at work, and all other things that go along with where I am in my pregnancy. That and even with the 12 week appointment past us, I am still so scared of a loss. And honestly, the last things I want to hear are "it will work out" or "you can do it".

The bottom line is that since the miscarriage we have let our house go. It became very obvious to me today as I looked around and took in the status. I tried to show a brave face, hell I even convinced myself, but the loss got to me greatly. We let the house go, stopped inviting people over because of it, hung out with others less, and clung to each other as we healed. There is good and bad to this situation. I feel we are stronger for it but also feel disconnected from some friends. We have become bad about waiting for the invitations from others but not extending our own. I plan to change this.

I had a weepy day today. I cried and had to really think about things and a plan. We spent the day at a b-day party and then a nap. I refuse to beat myself up for not cleaning when that was such a great nap :-) So what I did was get a load of laundry going and completed FlyLady day one and I shined my sink. It is beautiful. It is a start.

pregnant brain and yay

First, let's do the yay. Today we sent in the tax return I have been working on and that the audit was all about, yay. Big relief.

And yes, the pregnant brain has started. It is real, and seriously frustrating. I made three errors at work today. Two were caught beforehand and one not. UGH. Nothing horrible, but still frustrates me.

Once again, I rejoined flylady. I first found flylady back in 1999. I believe it is a very good program, yet I have to admit I have never done the work. This time I am hoping it is different. I have the 30 day baby step program all ready. We are starting it tomorrow. Wish us luck. My goal is to get organized before baby comes. I know my world will be in chaos then, even if the house is a fine oiled machine.

As far as the pregnancy goes, things are going smoothly. I got sick twice today and had to miss a happy hour due to feeling like crap, but overall that is improving. But the worst thing is sleeping. I know this is only going to get worse. My hip hurts and it is very hard not to sleep on my back. I want to try yoga more often to see if it will help. Sweetie is getting the workout area all ready for me this weekend.

And I do have to brag on Sweetie. Yesterday I told him that I was craving chicken and dumplings, just a side comment. When he arrived home he had two bags of groceries. He found a recipe online and bought everything to make a healthy version for me. It was yummy. The best part was living the full princess pregnancy lifestyle and lying on the couch while he did all the cooking.

Now I am going to attempt this whole sleep thing again. Wish me luck.

down but not out

We went camping for Ren Faire this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. It was cool and damp and perfect. Unfortunately, Bug did get a cough and low grade fever. No worries, she can go back tomorrow.

I am happy to report that the last two days I woke up without any nausea. I think this means I am getting to the second trimester happy stage. The true test will be if I have the energy to clean tonight.

need some good vibes

Most of Bug's friends have come down with the flu this week and last. So far we have been lucky. But today, today when we got home Bug requested we go straight to my bed, snuggle and watch TV. I hope it is just her wanting to take care of me. We have a big weekend planned and I don't want her to have to miss it.

Tonight we focus on resting, hydrating, vitamin C, and a good dinner. I hope it helps. The good news is that her mood is wonderful. Currently she is putting smiley faces all over me.

great evening

Sweetie had softball tonight. This left a girls' evening for me and Bug. We did it up right. We started with some dinner at subway and finished with shopping at Target. She is just so much fun. We bought snack items for an upcoming outing and some fun items. The best part was when I was looking at the sports bras (those who know my daughter should just start sighing now, esp if you remember the "tiger boobies" incident). She managed to put on a sports bra by herself. It was huge, as it should be, but it was just so funny. I, of course, found myself standing there without camera or cell phone. Throughout the trip she kept telling me to stop and showing me how silly she can be.

I know our life is going to change in some major ways in less than 6 months. I hope my girl remains as silly as she is now. She says she is excited about the baby. I know she doesn't understand what it means fully. All we can do it try and prepare her as much as possible. In so many ways having a 5 year difference will be nice.

Happy

Today was a rough and frustrating day. This morning started with a sweet girl who wanted a few more hugs. Then I got to work. It was a frustrating day. This is the last week before the tax return that I have been working on needs to be done. I knew I would have to work late. Sweetie is awesome, he took Serif tonight to see friends as I wouldn't make it. Working late isn't a problem, it doesn't cause stress in and of itself. But combine it with an auditor asking tons of questions and a computer that kept having major issues and I end up cranky. I left work after 7 completely shot. If I could drink, I would have enjoyed a glass, or bottle of wine.

I got home before Sweetie and Bug. Do you know what I did? I went for a walk. Nothing major. I am just getting back into it. I finally feel far enough along to start moving, yay second trimester. The plan I am following starts with 15 minutes. And I have to say, that 15 minutes felt wonderful. I cannot wait to do it again. Now I am sipping some soup, enjoying some t.v. and the remaining silence in the house.

Happy 2nd Trimester

Today, I begin my 14th week and my second trimester. This makes me beyond happy. Hormones are strong. We were at Target, surprise surprise, and I as I looked through the baby isle I found myself browsing and tearing up. I am getting so very excited.

Goal for this month - laundry in order. Not worn in a year, packed or given away. I must make this short, more lists to make.

dry day

I am having a dry day. My eyes are dry, my skin is dry, and I am tired. Not fair. I am not here to complain, but I sure will be happy when second trimester happiness sets in.

I am just antsy today. I don't want to sit still and concentrate. I am making lists in my head about what I can get done and when. There is absolutely so much to do before April. I am trying to focus on the FlyLady idea of baby steps. And not to sound like I am making excuses, but it will be nice when we know the sex. Then I can start really going through what we have and what we need.

Last night was celebration for both BIL and Niece's b-days. It was fun although the service sucked (not eating at Dave and Busters again) and I got sick. Nothing like eating a meal you have to pay for only to lose it. Sucks. But I didn't let it get to me. Well, that isn't true, I was exhausted.

I am hoping that I will feel up to getting some of the items on my to-do list done.