Relaxing

Well, my girl day turned in early. We went to Brushy Creek Park to walk the trails. And we did just that. The rain held out for us and it was a great time. We played on a play ground and tested our strength. Luckily we were the only ones there. As we left to go to lunch she said "maybe we should have rest first". Sure enough she was tired and wanted to take a nap before lunch.

This weekend is a hard one. I am expecting to break down at least once. We are going through my Dad's study. There are years of memories and junk to go through. I found the tapes of my girl scout performances, my graduation from High School, and Christmas of 91. Sweetie and I are the only ones with a VHS tape deck still so I get to take them to our house and view them.

Going to the park today with Bug a little strange. Even though I have lived in the same area, within 4 miles of the house I grew up in, my whole life, I rarely go North towards the schools I went to. I knew things had changed, but this time I was explaining the sights to Bug, so it really hit me. This was the first time I drove past my elementary in a very long time. It has changed in so many ways. She was very interested that it was the school where I went to Kindergarten. She asked my teacher's name and what we did in class. Having a five year old is awesome.

While at the park we found a fishing spot that my Dad would have loved. Going with the rest of the weekend, it got me a little teary. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a sad weekend. It is a reflective weekend. Remembering the good times, missing those who we lost along the way, and planning for the future. One thing we found so far was really cool. It was a photo album of my grandma's (father's mom). It was made in 1930 and had her address listed. We were saying how cool it was and I said we should look it up on google maps. We did and it was so neat. The house may not be the same, but we looked around the street. It was very neat. She was 27 at the time, single and loving it. The album has pictures of many friends (male and female) and places. Truly neat to think about my grandma as a young woman. If only I could go back as a fly on the wall and see what it was like when they were my age.

Now off to snuggle the next generation :-)

Going good

Things are good. L started daycare yesterday. I was good and didn't cry. Though I did tear up at work and the day before, lol. Work is good. I am happy to be back. I have a ton to do and am behind but that is a good thing as it makes the day go faster and I can get to my babies sooner.

Did I mention the 10 pound challenge. Work has this challenge where you have to lose 10 pounds before Aug 6th. If you don't you have to pay $100 to the pot. If you do lose it then you get to split the pot with others that also lost. This is completely voluntary, but once you commit you are in. Well, I am happy to say I only need to lose 5 more to be at the goal. Woo Hoo.

I need to start walking again. Really what I need is a better schedule for the kids and Sweetie. But the priority is there. Sweetie has been running again and doing good. Our goal is at least a 10k, if not a half marathon for L's 1st b-day.

I am still shocked that I have kidS. Two, isn't that crazy. I feel like more of an adult with two. Not to mention the pain that writing the check yesterday caused. Two in daycare (and a very nice one at that) is expensive. But it is worth it. If it means we have to stay in our little house for an extra year to make it work, it is worth it. My kids are worth it.

I need to post some pics. If you are on my facebook, I know you have seen how absolutely adorable L is. He is all boy and I am happy to say no one has thought he was a girl. But it is his cheeks, you just want to squeeze them. So far I have heard that he looks like Sweetie and Bug. This is funny as Bug looks like me but no one says he looks like me. I hope it looks more like Sweetie. It would only be fair :-)

This past weekend we went to Ft Worth for our first little family vacation as a set of 4. It was a LOT of fun. We are going to make it a priority to go away at least once a quarter. With Sweetie's spot finding (gowalla) and our love of just wondering, walking, and talking we can go anywhere.

I am very excited about this weekend. Yes, I only worked two days and then get a three day weekend. I planned that quite nicely. Tomorrow I get one on one girl time with Bug, then the 4th and fireworks, and Monday will be family fun tooling around town and visiting some parks. I have a feeling I am going to do some more videoing for the spot finder ;-)

Things are good. And I am doing very good. Happy pills kicked in, thyroid meds reduced, and just enjoying my family. I am letting go of the whole perfection goal. I need to start back on the FlyLady. It is all about babysteps.

Let the weekend begin :-)

Need to blog more

I dreamt last night about blogging. It was very real, just me sitting on the cot in L's room and blogging. I don't remember all I wrote, but I know it was like "I know I need to get back into this". I woke up honestly surprised the blog wasn't written, it was that real.

So there it is, I need to blog more. Today is my last day of maternity leave. I have both kids with me and having lunch with Sweetie. I am going to make the most of my time before going back to work tomorrow. I am sure a post will come tomorrow along the lines of having to leave L :-) I know it is time. I need my adult life back and he is big enough to have fun. I am just going to miss holding throughout the day.

feeling a little lost

Bug is now 5. How can that be? Didn't I just have her? She is amazing and awesome.

I go back to work in three weeks. I have been working from home and it is hard. Between L (who is awesome too), and systems not working and things being slower from home, I am just spinning my wheels. I worked 5.5 hours today from home and got nothing done. I don't want to leave, I am just tired of reports not working.

I feel like I am losing my grasp on everything. I am not one for a pity party, I just feel like I need an outlet. Luckily, I got on some happy pills today. I hope it helps. I need a routine, some structure, something to help my brain. I need to be able to touch something and have it work. And most importantly, I think I need some work on me. My weight has gotten to me, I feel unattractive. I am going to do something about it right now. Time for some lists, goals, baby steps so I feel accomplished.

Thank you, all I needed was to vent for a little while. Maybe writing about it will help. If I decide it is getting too personal, I will move the address.

Still here

Baby boy is getting big, over 11 lbs and 7 weeks today. Life is busy and crazy, but wonderful. I have a little less than a month and a half left at home. More updates will come, but I wanted everyone to know that things are good :-)

Time flying by

Our little boy is over a month now. It is amazing. The time flies just like with the first one. Add that I am working from home this time and my time just flies away even more. He is beautiful and awesome and his sister adores him. Life is good. I am soaking up all of this. I just adore it. No wonder Sweetie wants a third, lol.

My recovery is going good. It was better than last time until I carried my dude in his carseat too soon. This caused a small hole on my incision. Blah. The good news is that not even 2 weeks later and the hole is healed. This week I am going to get out the jogging stroller and go for a walk with little dude.

Having two is very different, but not a nightmare at all. Sweetie is focusing on Bug while I focus on baby. I love having two - yes I know it has only been a little over a month. But it truly is fun.

Things are good. It is time for me to get back to studying and getting healthy. As far as the healthy part, I have motivation. In-law wedding mid july. Oh yes that is some good motivation.

Oh I realized that I have not posted a pic of my guy - here he is with his beautiful grin.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone. Today is a wonderful day. I am surrounded with family and reminded how lucky I truly am. This year my tiny family is one larger and feels complete. If you ask Sweetie he says he wants one more, but we shall see.

I am happy to announce the arrival of Lucas Xavier Tolleson on 3.30.10 at 1:29pm. He weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and was 20 inches in length. He is perfect and we adore him. Bug has stepped into the big sister role without any issues. She adores him, kisses him, hugs him, and says he is her favorite.

While at the hospital Sweetie and Bug stayed with me. It was such a nice transition into our larger family size. We came home on Friday and have been enjoying some nice quiet family time.

I don't have pics to post right now but there are a few on facebook. Don't worry will be some posted here soon.

Today is the day

and I should be sleeping. But I am not. I have honestly the worst heart burn that I have had through the whole pregnancy. And if I have complained about anything it is the heartburn. So I am up. I know I need my sleep, so I will be trying again in a few minutes, hoping the last batch of tums helps.

But the big thing is that I get to meet my boy today. I cannot wait. I am terrified, more so than with Bug. I think it is the whole ignorance is bliss vs. been there and done that. Sometimes knowing what you are getting into is scarier, lol.

The house isn't perfect. His room is beautiful, but the dining room still holds many items that need to be put away that came from his room. I have to let that go. The situation was the same with Bug, and everything turned out good :-) We are not doing our Whataburger run in the middle of the night this time. Earlier in the week during a horrible, but not this bad, bout of heartburn I declared that we shouldn't do it as I wouldn't be able to sleep after. Kind of funny that I am up anyway.

I hope Bug is ready. I just want to hold her and make sure that she is reassured and happy. I want her to know that this is not a replacement but simply an addition. I adore her so much. We had our girl day today. It wasn't as "big" as we had planned. I wasn't feeling up for much.

I hope today goes smoothly. I feel like we are forgetting something big.

happiness

I am sitting in a beautiful park on an 80 degree day. My family plays as I watch butterflies and dragonflies. 3 days until baby L. Life is so good.

Wrapping it up

Yesterday was my 37 week appointment. The Friday before I also had to go in due to a spike in blood pressure. I was put on bedrest for the weekend. The bp never went back up - which is good. However, this caused enough concern to the Dr that he moved my c-section date to 3/30. This is one week earlier. We are a little scattered with this but at the same time ready. Next week I get to meet my little boy. I am so thrilled. I cannot wait to hold him. While this pregnancy has felt like forever in some ways in others it went by so fast. He is most likely my last baby and I am trying to cling to each kick. This pregnancy was so very different from Bug's. This one, due to my miscarriage in 2008, was filled with more worry, caution, nervousness. Add two additional doctors to the mix and it has been a journey to say the least. The fun part was seeing him more often due to the specialist. And the most amazing part has been Bug's reaction to everything. I am going to miss the additional hugs and kisses that I receive from her that are for him.
Family of four just sounds so grown up. I have to get used to that idea, lol.

sitting pretty

I sit here 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. In 5 days my boy will be "term". I am so exited I cannot stand it. The family has come together and helped get the room ready - only thing really left is painting and decals - but that can be done after he comes, worst case. Hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago the room was a packed computer room.

We also got so many other things taken care of - big sigh of relief. The biggest change was replacing Sweetie's car. Well really it was my car that he inherited in 2000 after his poor car was totaled in a wreck. The car was dead in the drive but we were able to get the dealership of the new car to agree to tow it for us. Today, when I got home, the car was gone. This is good, but it does feel strange. This car was the last one my father helped me purchase. Add some hormones and you will understand.

Other than cleaning the living, dining room, and Bug's room, we are ready for baby L. I just feel like I am in a dream. I cannot wait. I want to see what he looks like, I want to kiss him, I want Bug to meet him. She hugs and kisses my belly. She tells him she loves him. She even said tonight that she cannot wait for him to come out. I adore all of this. I love that she is big enough to understand all of this.

As tonight is the last night of SXSW, Bug and I had a girls night. We went and purchased some new PJS and toiletries for the hospital stay. We are going to pack tonight, just in case. Bug never tried to come early, so I hope he doesn't either. But he is in the 85th percentile and she was never even close. Oh and have I mentioned that he is sideways - yep that feels great :-)

OK off to pack my bag. I hope I don't need it for 21 days :-)

120 days

He did it! Successful completion of 120 days of growth. It sounds so silly, but I am so proud of him. for 120 days he took a picture every day and he posted on the website. He even went to the party in TN. It was a great experience for him. As much as I want him to trim back, I have to admit it is such a part of him now. This is his last photo for the challenge and I adore it!That is my Sweetie. Man, I adore him. Right now he is delivering our huge wrap around computer desk to my SIL. This means the room is close to being empty and we can start loading it back up and cleaning the remainder of the house that is in disarray since starting this project. We have completed so much this weekend and it gets me excited - 37 days remain at this point. WOO HOO!!!

small break

OK I have to take a moment so I thought I would come here. Every single thing that I have tried to work on today has had an issue. Blah.

Yesterday it snowed. Yes, real live, not just ice but snow. Huge flakes, it was awesome. It lasted all day long. Unfortunately, we still had work and school. Though I did get out early enough to take Bug out in it. It was a lot of fun. And true to form our weather is sunny and beautiful today. One day is all we can take, lol.

This past weekend was girls' weekend. We had so much fun. We went to Sesame Street Elmo 1-2-3. It was fun. The strangest part was walking up to the Frank Erwin Center with Bug and being 33 weeks pregnant. The last time I was there I was 36 weeks pregnant with Bug. In fact the last two times I was there, I was pregnant (brother's graduation in Dec 04 and my MBA graduation May 05). It really made me think about how we have now less than 6 weeks.

As far as baby boy goes, things are good. Monday we had another ultrasound with the specialist and got the "graduation" and do not need to go back. He is still in the 85th percentile and measuring 10 days ahead of schedule. This morning I had my regular OB appointment and everything looks good. So far no movement in my c-section date. 41 days and counting.

This weekend, much to my happiness, Sweetie and MIL are attacking the room. I promise to give them whatever food/water they need if they keep going until it is done. I want to be able to work on Bug's room, the remainder of the house and packing my bag during March.

It is just crazy that in less than 6 weeks I will have a baby boy. Wow. I know it will all come together. It did with Bug.

On 3/8 we go to Kindergarten registration. This part is blowing my mind. How can my baby be big enough for school? So much is happening this year. I just have to slow down and make sure to take it all in.

While I love the kicks and attention the pregnancy gives me, I am so over being pregnant. I want my body back. I want to be able to diet with the goal of weight loss, to exercise without ligament pain or cramping. Sweetie is still holding out for a third, but I am pretty sure we are done. One of each.

My favorite part of this time around is Bug. She is amazing. She loves this little brother so very much and has never met him. She hugs and kisses my belly and tells him "you are my favorite guy". It melts my heart. I know that there will be some rough patches when he comes, but overall I feel like it is going to be good.

The big things to do before he comes are: car seat, Dr set up, room complete, bags packed, car purchased for Sweetie, and house cleaned. Not too bad. I will just keep repeating over and over, it can be done, it can be done, it can be done :-)

playing single parent

I am in the single parent role this weekend. Sweetie is at whiskerino. This is after 111 days of growth.He is having great fun and thinks I am the best wife ever for making all the travel plans so he could hang with the manly bearded types. It is the least I can do. I don't mind him traveling without me - he wanted me to go with him but I am entirely too pregnant to enjoy it - but I do miss him. We have only been apart 5 weekends over the course of 12 years. I am pretty attached to him :-)

This means Bug and I have a girls' weekend. We shopped for a new dress today for her, had junk food for dinner and now we watch finding nemo. It is a good evening. I have having some BH contractions, nothing scary, and he is kicking like nobodies business. So the remainder of the night is me resting. Tomorrow is Sesame street live. I think we will have fun. Add in some laundry and errands/chores and that sums up our time together. We get to pick Sweetie up at the airport on Sunday.

Our next appointment is on Monday. This is a big one. Not only will we see the growth, but we will also get the scan that looks at all the organs. This is the scan that I received at 36 weeks with Bug, but they do at 33 weeks with my specialist. I am very anxious to see how he will do. I go back to normal OB on Wednesday and with the results on Monday I am hoping we can decide on the best c-section date. Right now 4/6 is scheduled - but I am open if we need to do it earlier.

A bigger job than expected

We are still working on the computer/baby L's room. It is more than we expected. We have at least 11 years worth of bills/school papers/computer room stuff to go through. We are of the mindset of get rid of it all, but we still have to look at all of it. It does bring back memories and such. I mostly stopped using the computer room when Bug was born, started only using my laptop after graduating with my MBA.

Luckily the good has outweighed anything not so good. Love notes, cards, our marriage license, and photos of loved ones has outweighed the box of crap from leaving bad jobs and pictures of friends gone bad.

Our goal is to finish the room by Wednesday - with cleaning it out at least. The step after that is to get Bug's room all set up for her "big sister" room. Then back to his room. Our goal is to keep things even in the whole attention area with two kids. This is going to be fun.

Our Valentine's day plans might not seem the most romantic, but they are to me. Preparing our son's room, cooking a nice dinner together, watching a romantic netflix - that is perfect.

Now off to more cleaning and watching olympics - Go USA!

random

Best quote of the night "daddy will you please stop shooting my unicorn".

We are ready for the Valentine's Day party. It is so hard to believe that on Sunday it will be 13 years since Sweetie proposed on stage.

Life is good. I am still freaking out about getting the room ready - but a ton will be done this week.

Sweetie's car is dead - we have been expecting this for some time. Until we buy a new one, prob end of the month or so, we are car pooling. Honestly, I love that. We get more time together, have spontaneous family dinner out, and it is just fun. We are lucky enough that we both work in locations that permit carpooling.

But the main thing is that I am doing good. Thyroid looks good, baby is kicking like crazy. I can tell how much bigger he is than Bug was, I feel his movements more. This makes me smile. However, a day doesn't go by where a co-worker makes a comment that I won't make it through March as I am huge. Well, it is true, I am huge. I am also only 5'0" and there isn't much room for me to carry him, lol.

OK just wanted to do a quick drop in and let everyone know how I am doing. Oh and since the last post, OB has not changed my c-section date yet. I go back for another size ultrasound on 2/22 and then see regular ob on 2/24. We will see how much this little guy has grown by then.

So much going on in my brain

It is all good. We started on the room. It is hard to see the progress at this point as we are having to sort through nearly 11 years worth of stuff. It is hard to eliminate a room that was filled. But we can do it. Someday we will get the bigger place that allows for a computer room. For now, we shall focus on our little family.

I have another Dr appointment with my regular Ob tomorrow. I am anxious to what he says about baby's size. From my research it seems that he may change my c-section date. That is cool with me. I really want him to make it to week 37 - which is March 23. The good thing about being as short as I am is that there isn't much room for baby. Add a big baby to that mix and I am huge ;-) I believe my boss is expecting me to have him early or be put on bed rest.

Work is good, but busy. I am very thankful for my boss. This time around is so much different, and better, than when I was pregnant with Bug. There is stress to get items done, but I am working very hard to not allow it to get to me.

Currently, I am fighting a cold. Such fun. Sweetie took Bug up to work with him to give me some space to sleep. Of course I couldn't. But I did enjoy a long shower, doing my toes, watching "you've got mail", and now finally some blogging. Now if I could shake this headache and stuffy nose I would be set.

During the day I have a ton of blog ideas go through my head. Of course when I sit down to write, they are all gone.

The best part of this pregnancy is feeling him kick. Well, that and watching Bug feel him kick. I love that she is old enough to fully understand that I am pregnant. While she may not fully understand how things are going to change, she knows a baby is in there. And she has been the biggest helper. It is funny, when we had Bug it was all about us becoming parents. This time it is all about Bug becoming a big sister.

Now to the other perk of third trimester, the fact that I must eat or I will get sick - such fun.

Big boy

Well, I just got back from our 29 week sonogram with the specialist. Baby looks good. The liver looks good, no worries there. He is measuring big. He is about 17 days ahead of schedule. He is in the 84%. Luckily as I am a c-section I am not terrified at the news. I am thinking that this will be a March baby. I do want him to try and hold out until 3/23 - but we will see. They checked my blood sugar and no problems and my blood pressure is looking awesome. Mostly I just feel a need to get everything done. He has the most beautiful cheeks. I cannot wait to kiss them.

Baby growing big and strong

Time is flying. I am 28 weeks now. 11 until my c-section, if he holds out that long. Everything is looking good. I cannot wait to meet him. Serif cannot stop talking about him. She wants LT to come home. I just smile and agree. I am finishing my room this week, little clean up and getting rid of old clothes and such. Then the focus is the room. YAY. Not long now at all :-)

Well, back to work. I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know that things are still good.

Happy 2010!!!

**First I want to say that I received a call on New Years Eve from the Dr and all blood work came back normal. The scary sounding diseases are not an issue, yay. Now all we do is wait until the next sonogram and watch for changes.

Here it is, 2010. That date still sounds so futuristic to me. But the biggest thing that this year brings is my due date is in 2010. This means we are going to have our baby boy THIS YEAR - 94 days to be exact.

2009 was a good year. Sweetie rode 112 miles for LLS Team in Training and we conceived our baby boy. We celebrated birthdays and, most sadly, the loss of a friend. The last few months of the year were a blur of watching and praying and hoping for our new little one. Bug is beyond excited.

With the new year we are now focusing on changing the over stuffed computer room into a wonderful baby boy's room. He will be using Bug's furniture with new bedding and she is getting a new bed and dresser. After all, she does start Kindergarten this year. That is very hard for me to type - I cannot believe she is that big. Side note on her, she knows that baby will be here before her b-day. This translates to starting to plan her b-day party to get to it quicker and get him quicker. It is so cute.

This new year was brought in with a very laid back way. We went to a friend's for New Years eve. I made it to about 11, but ultimately brought in the new year at home with my Bug, Sweetie, Mom, and MIL. New Years Day MIL made us a wonderful dinner. It was perfect. The evening ended in taking down the Christmas tree. This is a tad early for us, but very needed as we are all set to get this boy's room done.

Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. Since we celebrated our 10 year in Barbados it has been hard to have an anniversary live up to that level. All I want is to spend some time with him.