Need to blog more

I dreamt last night about blogging. It was very real, just me sitting on the cot in L's room and blogging. I don't remember all I wrote, but I know it was like "I know I need to get back into this". I woke up honestly surprised the blog wasn't written, it was that real.

So there it is, I need to blog more. Today is my last day of maternity leave. I have both kids with me and having lunch with Sweetie. I am going to make the most of my time before going back to work tomorrow. I am sure a post will come tomorrow along the lines of having to leave L :-) I know it is time. I need my adult life back and he is big enough to have fun. I am just going to miss holding throughout the day.

feeling a little lost

Bug is now 5. How can that be? Didn't I just have her? She is amazing and awesome.

I go back to work in three weeks. I have been working from home and it is hard. Between L (who is awesome too), and systems not working and things being slower from home, I am just spinning my wheels. I worked 5.5 hours today from home and got nothing done. I don't want to leave, I am just tired of reports not working.

I feel like I am losing my grasp on everything. I am not one for a pity party, I just feel like I need an outlet. Luckily, I got on some happy pills today. I hope it helps. I need a routine, some structure, something to help my brain. I need to be able to touch something and have it work. And most importantly, I think I need some work on me. My weight has gotten to me, I feel unattractive. I am going to do something about it right now. Time for some lists, goals, baby steps so I feel accomplished.

Thank you, all I needed was to vent for a little while. Maybe writing about it will help. If I decide it is getting too personal, I will move the address.

Still here

Baby boy is getting big, over 11 lbs and 7 weeks today. Life is busy and crazy, but wonderful. I have a little less than a month and a half left at home. More updates will come, but I wanted everyone to know that things are good :-)

Time flying by

Our little boy is over a month now. It is amazing. The time flies just like with the first one. Add that I am working from home this time and my time just flies away even more. He is beautiful and awesome and his sister adores him. Life is good. I am soaking up all of this. I just adore it. No wonder Sweetie wants a third, lol.

My recovery is going good. It was better than last time until I carried my dude in his carseat too soon. This caused a small hole on my incision. Blah. The good news is that not even 2 weeks later and the hole is healed. This week I am going to get out the jogging stroller and go for a walk with little dude.

Having two is very different, but not a nightmare at all. Sweetie is focusing on Bug while I focus on baby. I love having two - yes I know it has only been a little over a month. But it truly is fun.

Things are good. It is time for me to get back to studying and getting healthy. As far as the healthy part, I have motivation. In-law wedding mid july. Oh yes that is some good motivation.

Oh I realized that I have not posted a pic of my guy - here he is with his beautiful grin.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone. Today is a wonderful day. I am surrounded with family and reminded how lucky I truly am. This year my tiny family is one larger and feels complete. If you ask Sweetie he says he wants one more, but we shall see.

I am happy to announce the arrival of Lucas Xavier Tolleson on 3.30.10 at 1:29pm. He weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and was 20 inches in length. He is perfect and we adore him. Bug has stepped into the big sister role without any issues. She adores him, kisses him, hugs him, and says he is her favorite.

While at the hospital Sweetie and Bug stayed with me. It was such a nice transition into our larger family size. We came home on Friday and have been enjoying some nice quiet family time.

I don't have pics to post right now but there are a few on facebook. Don't worry will be some posted here soon.

Today is the day

and I should be sleeping. But I am not. I have honestly the worst heart burn that I have had through the whole pregnancy. And if I have complained about anything it is the heartburn. So I am up. I know I need my sleep, so I will be trying again in a few minutes, hoping the last batch of tums helps.

But the big thing is that I get to meet my boy today. I cannot wait. I am terrified, more so than with Bug. I think it is the whole ignorance is bliss vs. been there and done that. Sometimes knowing what you are getting into is scarier, lol.

The house isn't perfect. His room is beautiful, but the dining room still holds many items that need to be put away that came from his room. I have to let that go. The situation was the same with Bug, and everything turned out good :-) We are not doing our Whataburger run in the middle of the night this time. Earlier in the week during a horrible, but not this bad, bout of heartburn I declared that we shouldn't do it as I wouldn't be able to sleep after. Kind of funny that I am up anyway.

I hope Bug is ready. I just want to hold her and make sure that she is reassured and happy. I want her to know that this is not a replacement but simply an addition. I adore her so much. We had our girl day today. It wasn't as "big" as we had planned. I wasn't feeling up for much.

I hope today goes smoothly. I feel like we are forgetting something big.

happiness

I am sitting in a beautiful park on an 80 degree day. My family plays as I watch butterflies and dragonflies. 3 days until baby L. Life is so good.

Wrapping it up

Yesterday was my 37 week appointment. The Friday before I also had to go in due to a spike in blood pressure. I was put on bedrest for the weekend. The bp never went back up - which is good. However, this caused enough concern to the Dr that he moved my c-section date to 3/30. This is one week earlier. We are a little scattered with this but at the same time ready. Next week I get to meet my little boy. I am so thrilled. I cannot wait to hold him. While this pregnancy has felt like forever in some ways in others it went by so fast. He is most likely my last baby and I am trying to cling to each kick. This pregnancy was so very different from Bug's. This one, due to my miscarriage in 2008, was filled with more worry, caution, nervousness. Add two additional doctors to the mix and it has been a journey to say the least. The fun part was seeing him more often due to the specialist. And the most amazing part has been Bug's reaction to everything. I am going to miss the additional hugs and kisses that I receive from her that are for him.
Family of four just sounds so grown up. I have to get used to that idea, lol.

sitting pretty

I sit here 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. In 5 days my boy will be "term". I am so exited I cannot stand it. The family has come together and helped get the room ready - only thing really left is painting and decals - but that can be done after he comes, worst case. Hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago the room was a packed computer room.

We also got so many other things taken care of - big sigh of relief. The biggest change was replacing Sweetie's car. Well really it was my car that he inherited in 2000 after his poor car was totaled in a wreck. The car was dead in the drive but we were able to get the dealership of the new car to agree to tow it for us. Today, when I got home, the car was gone. This is good, but it does feel strange. This car was the last one my father helped me purchase. Add some hormones and you will understand.

Other than cleaning the living, dining room, and Bug's room, we are ready for baby L. I just feel like I am in a dream. I cannot wait. I want to see what he looks like, I want to kiss him, I want Bug to meet him. She hugs and kisses my belly. She tells him she loves him. She even said tonight that she cannot wait for him to come out. I adore all of this. I love that she is big enough to understand all of this.

As tonight is the last night of SXSW, Bug and I had a girls night. We went and purchased some new PJS and toiletries for the hospital stay. We are going to pack tonight, just in case. Bug never tried to come early, so I hope he doesn't either. But he is in the 85th percentile and she was never even close. Oh and have I mentioned that he is sideways - yep that feels great :-)

OK off to pack my bag. I hope I don't need it for 21 days :-)

120 days

He did it! Successful completion of 120 days of growth. It sounds so silly, but I am so proud of him. for 120 days he took a picture every day and he posted on the website. He even went to the party in TN. It was a great experience for him. As much as I want him to trim back, I have to admit it is such a part of him now. This is his last photo for the challenge and I adore it!That is my Sweetie. Man, I adore him. Right now he is delivering our huge wrap around computer desk to my SIL. This means the room is close to being empty and we can start loading it back up and cleaning the remainder of the house that is in disarray since starting this project. We have completed so much this weekend and it gets me excited - 37 days remain at this point. WOO HOO!!!

small break

OK I have to take a moment so I thought I would come here. Every single thing that I have tried to work on today has had an issue. Blah.

Yesterday it snowed. Yes, real live, not just ice but snow. Huge flakes, it was awesome. It lasted all day long. Unfortunately, we still had work and school. Though I did get out early enough to take Bug out in it. It was a lot of fun. And true to form our weather is sunny and beautiful today. One day is all we can take, lol.

This past weekend was girls' weekend. We had so much fun. We went to Sesame Street Elmo 1-2-3. It was fun. The strangest part was walking up to the Frank Erwin Center with Bug and being 33 weeks pregnant. The last time I was there I was 36 weeks pregnant with Bug. In fact the last two times I was there, I was pregnant (brother's graduation in Dec 04 and my MBA graduation May 05). It really made me think about how we have now less than 6 weeks.

As far as baby boy goes, things are good. Monday we had another ultrasound with the specialist and got the "graduation" and do not need to go back. He is still in the 85th percentile and measuring 10 days ahead of schedule. This morning I had my regular OB appointment and everything looks good. So far no movement in my c-section date. 41 days and counting.

This weekend, much to my happiness, Sweetie and MIL are attacking the room. I promise to give them whatever food/water they need if they keep going until it is done. I want to be able to work on Bug's room, the remainder of the house and packing my bag during March.

It is just crazy that in less than 6 weeks I will have a baby boy. Wow. I know it will all come together. It did with Bug.

On 3/8 we go to Kindergarten registration. This part is blowing my mind. How can my baby be big enough for school? So much is happening this year. I just have to slow down and make sure to take it all in.

While I love the kicks and attention the pregnancy gives me, I am so over being pregnant. I want my body back. I want to be able to diet with the goal of weight loss, to exercise without ligament pain or cramping. Sweetie is still holding out for a third, but I am pretty sure we are done. One of each.

My favorite part of this time around is Bug. She is amazing. She loves this little brother so very much and has never met him. She hugs and kisses my belly and tells him "you are my favorite guy". It melts my heart. I know that there will be some rough patches when he comes, but overall I feel like it is going to be good.

The big things to do before he comes are: car seat, Dr set up, room complete, bags packed, car purchased for Sweetie, and house cleaned. Not too bad. I will just keep repeating over and over, it can be done, it can be done, it can be done :-)

playing single parent

I am in the single parent role this weekend. Sweetie is at whiskerino. This is after 111 days of growth.He is having great fun and thinks I am the best wife ever for making all the travel plans so he could hang with the manly bearded types. It is the least I can do. I don't mind him traveling without me - he wanted me to go with him but I am entirely too pregnant to enjoy it - but I do miss him. We have only been apart 5 weekends over the course of 12 years. I am pretty attached to him :-)

This means Bug and I have a girls' weekend. We shopped for a new dress today for her, had junk food for dinner and now we watch finding nemo. It is a good evening. I have having some BH contractions, nothing scary, and he is kicking like nobodies business. So the remainder of the night is me resting. Tomorrow is Sesame street live. I think we will have fun. Add in some laundry and errands/chores and that sums up our time together. We get to pick Sweetie up at the airport on Sunday.

Our next appointment is on Monday. This is a big one. Not only will we see the growth, but we will also get the scan that looks at all the organs. This is the scan that I received at 36 weeks with Bug, but they do at 33 weeks with my specialist. I am very anxious to see how he will do. I go back to normal OB on Wednesday and with the results on Monday I am hoping we can decide on the best c-section date. Right now 4/6 is scheduled - but I am open if we need to do it earlier.

A bigger job than expected

We are still working on the computer/baby L's room. It is more than we expected. We have at least 11 years worth of bills/school papers/computer room stuff to go through. We are of the mindset of get rid of it all, but we still have to look at all of it. It does bring back memories and such. I mostly stopped using the computer room when Bug was born, started only using my laptop after graduating with my MBA.

Luckily the good has outweighed anything not so good. Love notes, cards, our marriage license, and photos of loved ones has outweighed the box of crap from leaving bad jobs and pictures of friends gone bad.

Our goal is to finish the room by Wednesday - with cleaning it out at least. The step after that is to get Bug's room all set up for her "big sister" room. Then back to his room. Our goal is to keep things even in the whole attention area with two kids. This is going to be fun.

Our Valentine's day plans might not seem the most romantic, but they are to me. Preparing our son's room, cooking a nice dinner together, watching a romantic netflix - that is perfect.

Now off to more cleaning and watching olympics - Go USA!

random

Best quote of the night "daddy will you please stop shooting my unicorn".

We are ready for the Valentine's Day party. It is so hard to believe that on Sunday it will be 13 years since Sweetie proposed on stage.

Life is good. I am still freaking out about getting the room ready - but a ton will be done this week.

Sweetie's car is dead - we have been expecting this for some time. Until we buy a new one, prob end of the month or so, we are car pooling. Honestly, I love that. We get more time together, have spontaneous family dinner out, and it is just fun. We are lucky enough that we both work in locations that permit carpooling.

But the main thing is that I am doing good. Thyroid looks good, baby is kicking like crazy. I can tell how much bigger he is than Bug was, I feel his movements more. This makes me smile. However, a day doesn't go by where a co-worker makes a comment that I won't make it through March as I am huge. Well, it is true, I am huge. I am also only 5'0" and there isn't much room for me to carry him, lol.

OK just wanted to do a quick drop in and let everyone know how I am doing. Oh and since the last post, OB has not changed my c-section date yet. I go back for another size ultrasound on 2/22 and then see regular ob on 2/24. We will see how much this little guy has grown by then.

So much going on in my brain

It is all good. We started on the room. It is hard to see the progress at this point as we are having to sort through nearly 11 years worth of stuff. It is hard to eliminate a room that was filled. But we can do it. Someday we will get the bigger place that allows for a computer room. For now, we shall focus on our little family.

I have another Dr appointment with my regular Ob tomorrow. I am anxious to what he says about baby's size. From my research it seems that he may change my c-section date. That is cool with me. I really want him to make it to week 37 - which is March 23. The good thing about being as short as I am is that there isn't much room for baby. Add a big baby to that mix and I am huge ;-) I believe my boss is expecting me to have him early or be put on bed rest.

Work is good, but busy. I am very thankful for my boss. This time around is so much different, and better, than when I was pregnant with Bug. There is stress to get items done, but I am working very hard to not allow it to get to me.

Currently, I am fighting a cold. Such fun. Sweetie took Bug up to work with him to give me some space to sleep. Of course I couldn't. But I did enjoy a long shower, doing my toes, watching "you've got mail", and now finally some blogging. Now if I could shake this headache and stuffy nose I would be set.

During the day I have a ton of blog ideas go through my head. Of course when I sit down to write, they are all gone.

The best part of this pregnancy is feeling him kick. Well, that and watching Bug feel him kick. I love that she is old enough to fully understand that I am pregnant. While she may not fully understand how things are going to change, she knows a baby is in there. And she has been the biggest helper. It is funny, when we had Bug it was all about us becoming parents. This time it is all about Bug becoming a big sister.

Now to the other perk of third trimester, the fact that I must eat or I will get sick - such fun.

Big boy

Well, I just got back from our 29 week sonogram with the specialist. Baby looks good. The liver looks good, no worries there. He is measuring big. He is about 17 days ahead of schedule. He is in the 84%. Luckily as I am a c-section I am not terrified at the news. I am thinking that this will be a March baby. I do want him to try and hold out until 3/23 - but we will see. They checked my blood sugar and no problems and my blood pressure is looking awesome. Mostly I just feel a need to get everything done. He has the most beautiful cheeks. I cannot wait to kiss them.

Baby growing big and strong

Time is flying. I am 28 weeks now. 11 until my c-section, if he holds out that long. Everything is looking good. I cannot wait to meet him. Serif cannot stop talking about him. She wants LT to come home. I just smile and agree. I am finishing my room this week, little clean up and getting rid of old clothes and such. Then the focus is the room. YAY. Not long now at all :-)

Well, back to work. I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know that things are still good.

Happy 2010!!!

**First I want to say that I received a call on New Years Eve from the Dr and all blood work came back normal. The scary sounding diseases are not an issue, yay. Now all we do is wait until the next sonogram and watch for changes.

Here it is, 2010. That date still sounds so futuristic to me. But the biggest thing that this year brings is my due date is in 2010. This means we are going to have our baby boy THIS YEAR - 94 days to be exact.

2009 was a good year. Sweetie rode 112 miles for LLS Team in Training and we conceived our baby boy. We celebrated birthdays and, most sadly, the loss of a friend. The last few months of the year were a blur of watching and praying and hoping for our new little one. Bug is beyond excited.

With the new year we are now focusing on changing the over stuffed computer room into a wonderful baby boy's room. He will be using Bug's furniture with new bedding and she is getting a new bed and dresser. After all, she does start Kindergarten this year. That is very hard for me to type - I cannot believe she is that big. Side note on her, she knows that baby will be here before her b-day. This translates to starting to plan her b-day party to get to it quicker and get him quicker. It is so cute.

This new year was brought in with a very laid back way. We went to a friend's for New Years eve. I made it to about 11, but ultimately brought in the new year at home with my Bug, Sweetie, Mom, and MIL. New Years Day MIL made us a wonderful dinner. It was perfect. The evening ended in taking down the Christmas tree. This is a tad early for us, but very needed as we are all set to get this boy's room done.

Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. Since we celebrated our 10 year in Barbados it has been hard to have an anniversary live up to that level. All I want is to spend some time with him.

Happy

Things have been crazy in the Tolleson household. Between Christmas, playing, enjoying new floors, and being lazy, our time has slipped away. Christmas was wonderful. Watching Serif through this season has been a magical experience. She is such a neat kid and so very grateful for everything she received.

Last week was my 24 week appointment with my regular ob. I had my glucose test and passed, yay! Then yesterday was my 25 week appointment with my specialist. Baby boy looks good, measuring 5 days ahead of schedule and in the 54 percentile. There is one issue. They noticed a spot on his liver. They are going to watch and see if it progresses with the next appointment. In the meantime I got to go and have a ton of labwork done. Fun. I know he will be ok, I am just a little concerned. I think he picked up on my concern as he has been CRAZY kicking and moving around today. All has to be good.

I said that I wouldn't worry about getting the room ready until the first of the year, yikes it is almost here. In fact 98 days and I will be a 2nd time mommy. I cannot believe it, that sounds so soon to me. There is so much to do, at home and work, but I have to believe it will get done. When we prepared for Bug we started having "home improvement Sundays" and enlisted the help of MIL to come over to get things ready. Hopefully we can do that again. With work I am going to have to sit down with my boss and make out a realistic plan of my workload and my third trimester. Little things like it may be easier for me to work on Saturday mornings than late during the week, and how I am trying to keep stress to a low level. It will all get done, we just need to keep the faith.

Other than those little stressers, I am beyond happy. Sweetie and Bug take the best care of me. I am so lucky to have my little family. Last night I had a headache so I was resting and Bug kept coming by and checking to see if I had a fever and told me to rest. She loves to feel brother kick her. Her eyes light up. I love it. I think she has felt him more than Sweetie at this point. What can I say, he likes his sister. We received some clothes from a teacher at Bug's school and we are getting more from another friend who has a 10 month old. That is going to be the best part, most of the clothing purchased. That way I can focus on the little things for his room.

Quick drop in

I have a few minutes before I head out and thought I would check in. Things are good here. Christmas is in full swing. Baby has me distracted though, so I must push through and get into the spirit of everything. Bug is so big this year, I can really see a difference in her in the last 6 months. It is awesome. She is my little buddy. We are shopping and talking friends. Her and Sweetie, they are the rough housing types.

I went to her school yesterday and saw her dance class. She really likes it. She might even like it more than soccer. No problem there at all, these are things she must decide for herself. I just enjoy watching her make the decisions.

She and I have next week off. Sweetie has to work, but we plan on having some fun. Last minute shopping and decorating are planned as well as so much needed baking. I cannot wait. I think I am more looking forward to the three days with her than with Christmas itself.

We have been on the go so much lately. Tonight my goal is to clean and relax. I know how old that sounds, but it is true. And there you have it, time for me to go and get my precious Bug.