seeing some light

I went to the Dr on Friday for my results. And I have some good news to post. I am healthy. I am very healthy. Cholesterol, triglycerides, thyroid - all in check. YAY. The dr put me on some happy pills. I just need a little help in getting me in balance. And she put me on some that I can still work for #2 while taking them. So now I just need to get to the weight I want to be before starting to try. I am happy to say that I am already noticing the medicine starting to work.

Yesterday was the Texas Roundup 10k. I have a hurt foot - not sure the issue but it hurt. Well, I still went and did the 6.2 miles. And yet again I proved myself. I did it in 1:40:07. That is awesome for me. Please remember that I am a walker and not a runner. I took a little over 3 minutes off my time from the last 10k a month before and improved my minute per mile pace from the last 5k two weeks ago. The hills yesterday were rough - my butt is sore, if you don't know, you use your glutes more when you walk up hill vs walking on flat. Yep, sore. One more race and I will have finished the Sprint Challenge. This also will be 1 year of doing the 5ks and 10ks with focus. YAY me. Then I don't have another big race until August 31 which is the Nike+ Human Race 10k. Sweetie is going to run it so I will be on my own - luckily I have some time to train.

I have pics to post, but for some reason they aren't uploading in a timely manner. I have cute ones of Bug to post as well as the traditional BestFriend/me race photo. Oh well, perhaps two posts in one evening.

Thank you for your kind email/comments. It is nice to know that there are people who are supportive and understanding. And, yes, I need a trip to H-town soon.

Oh and I have to say that my life is a musical. My Bug, Sweetie, and I all sing made up songs. This is our normal routine. Sweetie didn't use to do this, but after living with me for nearly 11 years it just catches on. Bug just started singing her sentences to me - too damn cute.

still here

I am here. Not much to report. I have been fighting some depression - fun, I tell ya. And I hate for my blog to be too negative, so I have been away. I did get a physical on Monday. Dr is going to talk to me on Friday about the results and potential happy pills. What's wrong? Nothing and everything. Sad about Alley, normal chemical issues, and feeling overwhelmed with life - nothing major.

I have been eating very poorly. I am sure it is due to the emotions I am going through.

I just need a swift kick in the butt. I need motivation. I need to feel like I am on top of everything.

My eyes feel so tired all of the time, I don't want to do anything, and then beat myself up for doing nothing. Endless cycle of life.

But I have a new phone and it makes me feel important. It is a work phone. This means I am "on-call" all the time. And that is ok.

CPA class starts next week. I hope my life stabilizes so I can actually test with this one. The goal is to pass ONE and then I have 18 months to pass the other three.

Oh and Blah!

And then there is everything I want to do for the house. Things I want to get it ready for sale, read for another addition to the family, or ready for me to feel complete in it.

Did I mention I am all over the place?

I just have to break this funk.

OK that was the most depressing post ever.

lost all words

Can't talk, too hard, crying cannot stop. I just need my alone time. We had to make the hardest decision ever. Just not fair. Hurts too bad.

RIP Alley - my big girl, my love, MY cat, our home will never be the same without our "dog".

Moved my buns

In spite of terrible allergies, we did it. I wasn't feeling top notch so my goal was to simply finish the 5k. I hoped the exercise might help me to feel better. Sweetie was awesome, yet again, and was my partner through the race. Once again I didn't take a stopwatch, like with our last race, and I focused on going at a good pace that felt good. I even ran the last .10 of a mile.

I wasn't obsessed about the time. I didn't even check the website until getting home from the grocery store. Damn if I didn't get yet another PR. Not a huge time improvement, but enough to make me feel better in spite of my horrible allergies.

It was a great race. My knee is a little sore but overall I am feeling good from the event. The best part was meeting up with BestFriend after the race for our traditional post race brunch. She sat this one out, but I still wanted to celebrate with her. I might still have to go into the doc next week for some antibiotics for my sinuses.

Three races down, two to go.

yet another 5k

Getting ready for another 5k tomorrow, Schlotzsky's Bun Run. Tonight, to prepare ourselves, we watched "Run Fat Boy Run". It was so very funny. That and sushi means I am ready. Of course the Oak might just kill me. I have to see an allergist soon. My ONLY goal for tomorrow is to finish. There is no way that I will get a PR with my sinuses feeling like ass. But that is ok. I will be out there with Sweetie for the Sunshine Camps.

emotions run crazy

Things are very strange in my world lately. There is a lot of drama, there is a lot of emotion. I cannot go into a lot of it, as it isn't my place, but I am discovering that my mood is altered because of it.

What I can say is that the drama isn't about me. It isn't even really my business other than it involves my family - and thus it is my business. I just hate seeing anyone hurt. My family is so small and I like to think that we cling together during hard times, but when official statuses are in the process of changing I lose grasp with where I stand, how to act, and what to do.

Being happy is so very important. And, if you know me at all, you know that I believe happiness is a choice. Not that you should keep a stiff upper lip, be grateful for what you have, and be happy regardless. That is not what I mean at all. My marriage has had good times and bad times and bliss times (yay for being in bliss times). We decided long ago to fight for what we have and to decide to be happy. That came out wrong too. Hmmmm. We decided to make our marriage one that makes us happy. Yes, that is closer to sounding like what I mean. Of course, this isn't for everyone. Sometimes it is time to say it is the end.

The person going through this whole mess means the world to me. He drives me crazy at times, but it is his role. I don't want to see him hurt. I also think my biggest fear right now is being pushed away. This happened about 10 years ago and I cannot let it happen again. And things keep getting more and more complicated for him. It just isn't fair.

And it is getting to me. Not that he shouldn't vent, chat, confide, or lean on me. When it all started I didn't think it would even phase me. Why should it? I am simply a third party to this madness. But I am who I am and I take it all in.

BestFriend says that I take things personally. It is true. It is who I am. If you come to me crying, I will cry with you. If you are mad, chances are I will get mad too. I take it in. I absorb it. But I am not fragile. I am not someone you should treat with kid gloves. Just because I am reacting to the emotions, does not mean do not talk to me.

The hard part is caring about both sides. This was the case with BestFriend. I think I did well in juggling, but it was hard. And now, I didn't fully understand how much I care for this other person until all of this started. She is family. And that isn't going to change. Yet, as my life seems to dictate, complications grow.

I just want everyone happy. I just want everyone to feel bliss.

Friends, Ink, Happiness, Beautiful Weekend

BestFriend hosted a Henna party yesterday. With DarkDiva's henna, BestFriend's beautiful home, the beautiful day, and gracious shade from a tree, it was a perfect afternoon. I did my own henna, pictures to come. I was silly and didn't follow a pattern, simply did what I wanted.

The remainder of the weekend consisted of relaxing, walking, working out with Sweetie (we are attempting the P90 challenge once again), and many laughs with Bug.

busy busy busy

This has been a busy week. Monday I got the results of my thyroid test, dr had me go ahead and get it tested, and it is still normal. This means my symptoms are due to stress/allergies - thank goodness. Monday night and yesterday I was at a Sales Conference for work. It was good but busy.

OK that is all. Time to sleep.