I feel green today

Well, things are crazy as ever. We were on a role, car replaced, wash/dryer replaced, new flooring idea solved, and new slip covers purchased as we opted for washer/dryer instead of new couches. Then the storm hit. It was loud, big, crazy. Softball sized hail. Sweetie's car did not do so well, front windshield cracked throughout and back window gone. My new car has little dints. It is ok. Nothing horrible. We will survive. I am not even really bummed about it, a little stressed about getting it all fixed and the steps needed to take, but that is all.

We are working very hard at getting the house organized. We have been here 10 years now - that is so hard to believe. The big push is that I am fighting depression. I have been feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I am not a woo is me kind of girl and I don't want to bring any one down. Honestly, I do try to look in the good in everything. My eyes have been bothering me, I feel like my thyroid is off, or it might be my sjogren's worse - who knows. It is time to get my blood tested, so we will see.

The good news is that I have been back on WW again for a week. I know it is not much, but I am trying. I did manage to get out and walk three times last week. Due to my muscle aches and such I am going back to the basics with slow walks using my heart rate monitor.

OK there is more to say but I need to go and put another load of laundry away. Maybe I will get caught up with laundry, like completely caught up - that hasn't happened in years.
The pics are of yesterday. The first is with the hail. It looked like snow. The streets were completely covered, so crazy. The second is moments after the storm. Everything was so very green. Right now I am feeling like I am in the storm, need to focus on the green to come.

You gotta get up early to catch a Daisymouse

**hacked again**

I'm posting because DM has been incredibly swamped. Late nights at work, full weekends, a kid with more energy than the sun, but she was able to see me for lunch recently and I got to watch Bug play with a new friend and I got to stare at my BFF and rent-a-mom for a good hour. It was awesome.

Here are some photos.

The Beautiful DM

The Bug, pre-haircut

Two little girls playing

great chat

Erin: hey psycho poser
you creep me out totally
please move far away

Erin: hey psycho poser
you don't deserve a bailout
how dare you fraud us

Erin = BestFriend. She is the best ever.

Not lost, I promise

I am not lost. A little distracted, a little busy, and a little stressed - but not lost.
Reminds me of the Tolkien quote "not all who wander are lost". I really like this right now where I am in my life.

So updates - let's get this out of the way.
1) I went to the Rheumatoid Doctor. MotoDiva sent me to her Dr and she was awesome. She ran a ton of tests on me to completely rule out Lupus and check for an antibody that can cause miscarriages.
2) We also went to the OB specialist. He is awesome too, and good looking - which is a requirement. He currently has 10 patients with Sjogren's and no issues. He pointed out that there is a 98% chance nothing will be wrong. I love that. He said that he would want to see me as often as my normal OB but alternating so I would see a Dr every two weeks. This makes for a higher co-pay and all but I am very excited to have at least one sonogram a month. Now we see if it is meant to be.
3) We finally got a new car. Our Rav4 DIED on the side of the highway on the way to trade it in. We thought we were screwed but it seems it had to go over 40 for all the bad stuff to start. So we took it slow and got more than we expected for the trade in. I now have the missy size mom-mobile. Yay!
4) Heard back from the Rheumatoid Dr and test results look good. I still have the SSA+ but expected that. I do not have the clotting antibody or lupus. YAY!!!
5) Work is going well. The late night processing only has a couple more weeks left. I am still so behind but the new location is working out well.
6) I don't remember if I blogged about it, and I am too lazy to check. The IMA agreed to change my testing date to May/June. This makes me so happy. I cannot wait to be done with the testing.

So things are good, crazy but good. I am working on myself - which I always love. The next focus is tackling the house and getting it ready for whatever the future may bring.

*!* Why the universe isn't random *!*

Below is an excerpt of a chat conversation I had with Daisymouse earlier:


Daisymouse: if you are open to used, I get you a great deal on a three year old

Daisymouse: :-) she is SOOOO stubborn

me!: hmmmm
think about the two stubborn DNA pools she came from?

Daisymouse: oh ya, G and Kathy

me!: (smirk) ya so what did you expect?

Daisymouse: she was being mean and I told her if she was mean again I would pop her butt
so she was
and I did
then she said "spank me again, harder this time"
UGH

me!: hahahaha!!!!!

Daisymouse: then I put her in timeout
told her to sit down on her butt
she then did a crab walk type thing so EVERYTHING was on the couch BUT HER BUTT

me!: :)

Daisymouse: then I tell her to sit down and she lays down

me!: you love it too

Daisymouse: hmmmm

Daisymouse: not in the moment

me!: you'll laugh about it on tuesday

*!* Another Post by erin *!*

Ok so Daisymouse hasn't updated the blog again. There's a good reason why. Her and Mr Daisymouse and their bug were busy making deals with car salesman. You can see the loot she drove home with.

Red is so much more a Daisymouse color than green was. It is the new her.

*!* Hacked Blog *!*

Commandeering is an act of appropriation by the military or police (or erin) whereby they take possession of the property of a member of the public (namely, Missy because its been too long since she posted and I can't take it anymore)

Haiku about Missy

What is the meaning
of mouse? Indescribable
silly awesomeness.

Beautiful sunday

Valentine's Day weekend. I love this time, not for the Hallmark holiday but because it is the anniversary of when Sweetie proposed. The events happened to fall on Valentine's Day, so that is when he proposed rather than picking the day itself. 12 years ago I told him I would marry him. One decision I will never regret. He is my everything.

Bug was sick last week, then I was fighting a cold. I think I successfully put it bay.

In other news our washing machine died last night. YAY. So let's count, shall we? Need new car, fridge on last leg, washer dead, dryer on its way. YAY. Good thing we have been paying down those credit cards. I think we are going car shopping tomorrow.

We made the hard decision that I am not testing this month. And I am ok with it. The reason is that I am not up for the non-stop study time right now. Instead we are focusing on getting reasonable set study habits while focusing on everything else.

I have been very emotional lately, fighting depression, not wanting to talk, taking everything in. I am ok. I go back and forth on a pendulum while feeling that I am getting further behind. My job is changing. What I was hired for is changing. I adore my boss but worry I will need to look for another job soon after finishing my certification. Blah.

The good news is that I am feeling motivated to take care of myself. My health is important and I need to make sure to do everything in my power to keep me in tip top shape. I just need a couple of extra hours in each day - or days in a week. Hmmm I will see what I can do about that.

Sorry that this wasn't a more exciting post. It is what it is. I will keep everyone posted.

beyond words

My friend, and hero, Deb is amazing. I thought we were going to lose her, several times. As Sweetie says, she has made Death her footstool. Well she not only is in remission AGAIN, she moved from MD Anderson to a rehabilitation center today, AND she blogged - TWICE. I am beyond words, tears of happiness streaming down my face.

This is the kind of thing that makes you feel like anything is possible. There is still a long battle, but this is such a huge step.

Enter something witty here

So a update on my week. Monday I went to the OB to discuss my new disease and the potential for a second child. Long story short (meaning I will spare you the details of calling drs back and forth), I am Anti-Ro/SSA positive. There is a risk associated with this antibody so I am to see a Specialist/genetic counselor before starting to try. I am not worried or stressed about it. Sweetie and I have discussed the worst case senerio that we will be told not to try due to risks. We are in a good place, just waiting to see the next step. We can't make any decisions yet as we don't know what we are dealing with.

For the last couple of weeks my ear has bothered me. Thursday it was getting worse. Thursday night I still worked out as I thought I was being a baby about it. Sure enough, Friday it hurt so much more. I caved and called the Dr. I have an ear infection, my first one ever. I thought it was bearable but the examination seemed to set off a ton of pain and I had to leave work early in order to take a vicodin and sleep. To top it off, Bug is sick too. Hers is fever and coughing - fun! She and I are quite a pair. We are both curled up on the couch watching cartoons. Hopefully all we need is a day of relaxation. Sweetie is at his training but will be back shortly to take care of us.

I am hoping for some good rest, some studying, and car hunting - through the internet - oh ya need a new car too.

So Proud

Sweetie is doing something awesome. He joined Team in Training to ride the Armadillo Hill Country 105 mile bike ride. He is training and raising funds in Deb's honor. Please donate if you can: http://pages.teamintraining.org/ctx/Armadilo09/ttolleson It is a wonderful cause, and tax-deductible.

He also has a blog started regarding his training: http://milesofmiles.wordpress.com/

migraine time

I am home with a migraine. Blah. Bug and Sweetie are at his TNT Kick Off Party. I wanted to go but there was no way. I am on the couch with covers, quiet music on the tv, a warm compress on my head, and blogging. I know, I know, which one of these things doesn't belong? I don't want to sleep, I am bored. So I opted for the one computer activity that doesn't require much brain power.

So headaches and muscle aches are my big issue now. Just taking it all in stride. OK, no more complaining.

This weekend is going to be full. My car is in need of replacement. Don't worry still following my own rules and not complaining, just stating :-) We plan to look for a new one. We are also going to the Bob Bullock Museum to see a piece of Sweetie's family's history on display. Very Very cool.
And there is something Friday but I cannot for the life of me remember what it is. Sunday is mani/pedi with BestFriend, LONG LONG overdue. Plus I need to get a ton of studying done. I can do it.

I think that is all I have in me. I am going to close my eyes and wait for my family to return. I leave you with a cute pic of Bug.

To do

1. laundry
2. studying
3. toes
4. workout
5. find motivation
6. giggle
7. work
8. family time
9. reading
10. decorating

need a break

OK so things have been beyond busy. I am doing good, though. I have been having to work late and on the weekends. But other than that, things are good. I moved into my new cubicle and it is different, but good. I have much more space and have been able to keep it tidy.

As far as my new disease, I am doing good. I found a great toothpaste for dry mouth and love my new skin cream. When moving into the new cube I found 5 bottles of eye drops. That is when I realized I have had this for 3.5 years. My eyes simply feel like they have sand in them all the time. I always thought it was due to my Graves' or computer usage. I read that thyroid issues and sjogren's is very common. That makes sense as I think the Graves and Sjoren's came at the same time.

I go in on Feb 2nd to my OB to talk about what this means for baby #2. Then I go to the Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. I know that seems kind of backwards, but that is how the scheduling worked out. I tried to get in with another Rheumatoid Dr but his next opening was in April.

I really am trying to take advantage of this down time to get healthier. I worked out twice this week and while my eating needs work, I am trying to be more aware.

Oh and the CMA? What has happened to that? I am still in the game. I have my next test the end of Feb. I begin my super duper studying this weekend. I hope it sticks. I want to be able to take the third section in May/June.

This week was a long and interesting one. Mom got a cat, I adjusted to my new cubicle, gave blood, watched a new president being sworn in, and colored my hair (yet again). I am feeling good today. Yesterday was a hard day, but today has been better.

I was hoping to get out some this weekend for girl time, but I just don't think I am up for it. Something laid back sounds nice.

I think I need a small vacation. Some time to rest and relax without stress sounds very nice.

at least this one has a better name

I received my diagnosis yesterday. It is Sjogren's Syndrome (pronounced SHOW-grins).

Sjögren's syndrome is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks its own moisture producing glands. Sjögren's is one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders, striking as many as 4,000,000 Americans. Nine out of ten patients are women. The average age of onset is late 40s although Sjögren's occurs in all age groups in both women and men.

I do not have the associated Lupus with this diagnosis. I believe mine is only mild. I do have the dry eyes, mouth and skin. But no issues talking, eating, or dental decay (thank goodness). There is some scary stuff out there regarding the disease, but I am not letting it get me down. I see a Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. MotoDiva has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am going to see her Dr.

The goods news is the research I found shows that you can have very normal pregnancies with this disease and it is no reason to postpone family planning. Now we have to decide if we want to wait until I talk with the Dr, lose weight, or start now. Why is being an adult so hard at times?

So that is my new auto-immune disease. I already got the good eye drops (I thought my dry eyes was due to computer usage) and good skin cream. I am prepared. I am going to beat this, just like the Graves'. Exercise and healthy diet have to help right?

AJ is always amazed at how quickly I drink. Now I understand why, I am simply thirsty all the time due to the dry mouth. Thank goodness for sugar-free gum.

I will keep everyone updated. It is all good. I am doing good with the diagnosis, just focusing on being healthy.

Short Lived Comfort

My brother is in town from Alaska. He left 5 months ago and that still sounds strange to me. Well he is visiting. Seems odd, life seems the same to me. I miss him so much but things are "normal" here. He visits and honestly it simply feels like we haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. I know, hard to describe. He looks great. He is down 40 pounds and I am beyond proud of him. We saw him last night and again tonight. I am grateful for any time I get with him. Tonight I made him a healthy dinner. We also had some drinks, cookies, and goldfish - but at least dinner was on track. 

He got me the best present, a heavy sweater with a daisy on it. I ADORE it!!! I plan to wear it until it wears out. He also got Bug a book about Alaska and read it to her, and broke down while reading it. It was awesome. 

T and her family came out to visit too. This made me happy as we all got to share in the visiting of Brother, even if he was very quiet. We have not seen them since August. It was nice to have everyone together. It is short lived as he returns on Tuesday. He said I will see him again. I hope so. 

I had to work late two nights this week and go in today. It isn't so bad as my boss is awesome. However, it was mentioned this might have to happen more and more. I am all about stepping up and helping, but the bottom line is I have a test in 6 weeks. I have to make sure things stay in balance so I can prepare properly. I move to a new (for me) part of the building next week. it is going to be so different, lonelier even I am afraid. Right now I have people all around me to chat with me. The new location is right outside the higher ups' offices. This can be good for career (silver lining and all) but people are hesitant to come to chat when the big boss can see you.

OK off to bed. I plan to sleep in some tomorrow. 

And so I say blah

I had dinner tonight with BestFriend and DarkDiva. It was so nice. I am sorry that I wasn't better company, but I worked late and was tired.

I am feeling all kind of emotional. I don't know if it is Brother's visit, waiting on my blood tests, me being me, or something else. Right now locking myself into my own little closet where I can study, eat healthy, and exercise without any drama, stress, or scheduling conflicts sounds divine.

There simply isn't enough time in the day for what I want to do, for who I want to see, for everything.

I wasn't as good on my diet today, but that is ok. I will pick it back up tomorrow. I have been having salads for lunch, and really enjoying them. Progress - not perfection - I must remember this. I get very stuck in perfect, in black and white, in on a diet or not. Blah!

I just want to feel better. I will call the Dr again on Monday for the test results. I hope they have them then, or better yet call me tomorrow with them - that would be nice.

One step at a time. I know I am rambling, something I do well. I need to focus on healthy choices, including exercise, and stop thinking about long term. I just want to feel healthy again.

Oh and did I mention blah?

Here to the weekend being wonderful, filled with family, stress free, and productive.

Updates

Me laughing
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

OK so here is an update on me and all going on in my brain. Sit back, this might take a little bit.

Yesterday I heard from the dr regarding the test results. No Lyme Disease and my blood counts look good. Thank goodness. However, my ANA results are high. This led to further blood testing. I went in yesterday and six large viles of blood were drawn. Some of the blood tests, several actually, were rare and the lab peeps had to call the main office for the codes and such. I found out some blood was going to Utah - yay. I didn't copy the form so I can't look up all the tests being done - prob for the best. The dr did say they were testing for Lupus as well as several other diseases. Due to some of the tests taking longer I should receive several calls with results. From what I do know ANA means autoimmune. We shall see.

My thoughts? I am composed and not talking about it really. I am scared, it is true. I just want to know what it wrong. If I know what it is, I can deal with it. I don't know if it is what ended my last pregnancy early. I also do not know if it is why I am so tired. I want to be as healthy as possible. And for this reason I have resisted the urge to drown my worry in food, as normal, and actually stick two days to my eating plan. I am feeling good for it - less the withdrawn headache.

I have a plan, of course. I will find out what it is and take the diagnosis to my OB and see what he says the impact on growing our family. Sweetie and I have talked about it. We don't mind waiting for a few months longer if it means better health. We already discussed waiting some due to weight. But this is different.

In good news, I had my ENT check up today. My nose has a clean bill of health. So there is that, lol.

My brother comes to visit this week. I have no idea how much I am going to be able to see him, but will take what I can get.

There just seems to be a lot of emotions right now. To distract myself I have been studying. That part feels very good. I feel in control when I am studying. Plus I need to get caught up from taking the holidays off.

So in a nutshell - more waiting. I am doing what I do and trying to focus on the positive with a smile. I will keep everyone posted.

Happy Anniversary

I could look at this all day long
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Happy Anniversary my husband, my lover, my partner, and most importantly, my friend.

11 years ago we promised through good times and bad, through thick and thin, through good health and bad. I am happy that we are still together after the the bad times and health. Each thin point only made the good points hit all new highs.

I adore you. Ask anyone, simply thinking about you sends a smile across my face.

And while today's celebration is nothing as grand as last year, I simply love celebrating us and where we are.

I love you!

Hello 2009

Today was a great New Years Day. It was laid back with family. Good food, no crowds, and simple - my favorite. 

While at MIL's I found out that I had not blogged about the results of the Dr appt regarding my skin. I am on f@cebook a lot and updated people there while forgetting to on this outlet. The Dr did not know what it was and did a biopsy that required two stitches. I went back on the 30th for the results. She doesn't know what is wrong. I have a thinning of the skin and inflammation. She said that some of the things that cause this simply need to play out. However, since mine has been around for three years (remember without any pain or any real symptoms of an issue other than cosmetic) she isn't sure. I had blood work done to check many things such as if it is autoimmune, complete blood count, and lyme disease. She assures me that it is nothing serious. Honestly, my biggest concern is it being autoimmune and not common. Hopefully I will have the results by Tuesday. 

Anyway, I am very excited about the New Year. I am starting back with my walking  and weight watchers - yes again. I am feeling good and that is enough to make me smile.