New Years Eve

Good news is that after spending over 6 hours yesterday looking for a dress, and coming up with NOTHING, I left early today and found TWO. And I only spent $30. Right on.

AND the day gets better. A. from work loves me so much that she replaced her phone and gave me her old one. She gave me her LG500 phone. SO VERY AWESOME.

AND the day gets better yet. Brother has an old friend that now lives in Alaska. She has been visiting Texas and family. Tonight it turns out she is in town and he is having her over. We have not seen her in a very long time. And she has her husband and baby with her. Tonight is going to be fun. We are going to stop in at SIL#2's for a bit and then head over to Brothers. I know SIL#2 will be disappointed, but I am sure she will understand as she has done the stop in and move on to another party thing several times - including the first year we were in our house. So it is understood - and we have no idea when we will see Brother's friend again. Nothing like last minute planning.

Great day: productive at work, get a cool phone for free (still trying to figure out how to repay her), time with Bug and Mom, found two dresses, get to see family, and get to see old family friends.

Everyone have a happy and safe New Years.

contemplations

The holidays have been very surreal. I thrived on Bug's reactions to my favorite time of year. And while it was a longer Christmas season, it seemed to pass too quickly to do all that I wanted. And with our anniversary coming up, my focus has been on that.

What do you get the man who makes you happier than anyone else, who knows you better than anyone, who fights for the survival of "you" on a daily basis? The traditional gift is tin/aluminum. Does a can of Mountain Dew really speak my emotions?

Speaking of emotions.... If it wasn't for the little pill that I am on right now, I would swear I was pregnant. I have been crying at ANYTHING. And it doesn't even have to be something I see, just a thought can send me off. It has not been depressed crying - though I did have my normal couple of days in the season where I wanted to crawl into my closet and not come out. Though that was fleeting.

This year I am simply overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with happiness. I feel like everything is going so well. I love it when A at work makes gagging noises when she hears Sweetie and me on the phone, I love it when I hear people say that we are made for each other. I love how hard we have fought and focused and prioritized to get to this point. Ten years ago we were different people. We were young and stupid and yes, in love. We were insecure and didn't even know it. The last 10 years have played like a novel. We have had heartache, feeling lost, losing loved ones, excitement, bliss, sadness, happiness, and the most important, laughter.

Where was I going? I am a very date oriented person. I am a very controlling person. This has not been the case as much lately. Sweetie has something planned for our anniversary. I have no clue what it is. I am not trying to solve the puzzle and ruin the surprise. I have been walking without a stopwatch. And I have been accepting my weight and not letting myself ruin this time in my life because of a stupid number on the scale. This may not sound big, but for me, this is huge.

We still have 4 days in 2007. I am at the point in the year where I look back, think of resolutions and how to improve. 2007 is the year of the Boar. Since BestFriend was born in the year of the boar, she chose the theme of the year - concurring fear. So what have I done with my year? I went to the blog blowout and met fellow bloggers in person - something I would never do. I completed five 5ks. I made the decision to do the RAI - scariest of all only to find out I didn't need it yet. I met old friends and I allowed myself to open up at work and trust people again.

If you know anything about me, you know that I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. This goes for good and bad. Not so much as a "you did something bad so now you have cancer", but in a this lesson is here for you to learn from, this heartache will lead to something more. I never claim to have the answers as to what the reason is. But it is what keeps me going, it is my faith. Take my disease. I do not know where I am right now, could be in remission could be back in Graves'. You have to let go of control with something like this. And just when I thought I had control and the upper hand, the tables turned and I found out quickly that the control that I thought I had was a mirage. I firmly believe that one of the reasons I have this experience is to teach me to let go, that I cannot have control. And most importantly, control does not mean happiness.

I said that the decision to move ahead with the RAI was the scariest thing done this year. That isn't true. The scariest thing was not looking over my shoulder at every turn, to stop waiting for the next big fall. Sweetie gave me a reminder coin to carry with me for my b-day. It says "faith". To trust, to have faith, to let go of control is very very scary. But, for me, it is the only way to find true happiness. It is the only way to live my life with my soul-mate where we will never again accept neutral as an option and we laugh daily.

Wow, I didn't expect that to be so long. I guess it has been coming. Thanks for listening. And to reward you putting up with my ramblings, here is a photo (there was going to be a video but it is taking too long, I will try again later):

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christmas was a lot of fun this year. Sunday during the day BestFriend and I got mani/pedis - that was a ton of fun. The night was at Brother's and much fun as Bug kept saying "shake your booty". It is quite cute. Last night was at SIL#2's. It was a lot of fun. Unfortunately we were a little late and had to leave earlier than we wanted due to Bug and needing her to get to sleep before Santa could come. Today was Christmas morning at home. Bug was happy to see her "Blue Bike" and trains from Santa. The remainder of the day was at Mom's. We enjoyed a long nap, dinner, and played a game. It was a lot of fun. It was a very relaxing Christmas.

As much as I love the holiday season, I am so happy to see it come to a close. Back on eating right and exercising tomorrow. I am not out to lose weight - I simply want to lose my weight gain from the last couple of days - I have been oh so bad.

I can now focus on anniversary and whatever is planned, still no clue - but that is ok. I have to buy a new dress. You know that Seinfeld where Elaine buys a dress and it looks so good in the store and when she got it home it didn't look the same. That is what happened to me. Well, that but not as bad. It looks good, but I don't feel as sexy as I did when I tried it on. This next weekend will be back at the stores looking for something else. No worries.

Since tomorrow is back to work, I need to make this short.

And I helped.....

I told you that we were busy through Christmas and right now is no exception. But first let me catch you up.

Thursday, Bug and I went to the mall to get Sweetie's Christmas. We were walking in one of the department stores and she was holding a cup of snacks and a bag of snacks from school. Yes, my child is spoiled and yes this is relevant as it paints the picture. So we were walking side by side without holding hands as hers were full. She looks very "big" when we walk like this. So the conversation went like this:
Me: What does Daddy want for Christmas, Bug?
Bug: Noise. (as a matter of fact as she can be, as if this was all thought out)
Me: Noise?
Bug: yeah, noise.... ahhhhhhh (insert noise we make when getting "gotten" after hiding or being tickled)
Me: Yes, that does make Daddy happy, I guess noise it is.
Just too damn cute!

Yesterday, was my parents 34th wedding anniversary. Mom and I like to celebrate things like this so we went to see P.S. I Love You. We really liked the movie and cried the whole time. Finish the evening with some Starbucks and girl talk and you have yourself a great time.

Today, we went to MIL's to snow the yard. Unfortunately, the wind had other ideas and it didn't turn out quite as we hoped. But the good news is that Bug had a great time.

Tonight was the Nutcracker. It was at a new location. GRRRR! It was disappointing, some of the main things that we love, like the live symphony, were not included. AND they were sold out of nutcrackers. But that didn't stop us from having a great time. Our date is "complete" and we are working on wrapping presents. You might ask why I would blog on a date night and more importantly how can I blog when I am wrapping presents? My sweet sweet husband has a side of OCD. He likes presents wrapped a certain way. While I am the more analytical one, I simply do not take as much care as he does. It drives him a bit batty to watch me wrap. So I am helping by putting the gifts into piles, watching It's a Wonderful Life, and cheering him on.

Tomorrow is pedicure with BestFriend and Christmas Eve Eve with Brother. We must wrap, clean, bake, and buy the last present or two. So much to do.

If I don't get back on before, everyone have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas has begun

OK since we are busy like daily through Christmas, my posts will most likely be short and to the point.

We had my party on Friday and Sweetie's was tonight. Before the party I decided to get my hair cut. YAY I feel like I am me again. I didn't go as short as I was 10 years ago, but it is shorter than I have been in some time. What else is new this week? I woke up early yesterday and today and worked out. YAY me. And this morning I didn't start my stopwatch as I started my walk, I hit the button but it didn't start and I didn't notice as it was dark. And it didn't bother me. That is big for me. I am doing so much better with my control issues. I am letting go of perfection. I tend to expect too much of myself and then when I don't meet my own self made standards, I beat myself up for it. Stupid really. But I am working on it and have seen huge changes. I am sure a longer post will come soon with more explanation. But for now let's just say that with the anniversary coming up, I am doing a lot of looking back and looking forward. I weighed less when we got married. But everything that I am most proud of in the last 10 years happened when I was at this weight or higher so I have to let go of the idea that the scale will somehow make things better. Things are great now and I am healthy and happy - what more could I ask for? I am focusing on a healthy loss that I can maintain. I am focusing on making memories.

Tomorrow night is our last free night until Christmas. We need to finish shopping and start wrapping.

I am feeling so good that I feel guilty. I hate it when friends hurt. I want to make it better.

getting my party on

I still feel crappy, but am in such a great mood. I had another weight loss this week. I am feeling great about that.

My anniversary ring came in. We had it shipped to Sweetie's work. He is very very happy with it. I cannot wait to see it.

Tonight is our company Christmas party. I am so excited. Last year I didn't really know anyone. But now that I have been here longer, I am excited.

OK that wasn't much of a post. Sorry about that. But I must got get beautimus for my party.

~Night y'all~

One great day

Sweetie and I both took the day off for Christmas shopping. We completed most of it, there is always more, isn't there? But we had great fun. Sweetie had a dentist appointment first thing this morning so I shopped for a dress for our anniversary. I knew I wanted to wear a dress that makes me feel pretty. I was successful. I went to Macy's and found an elegant white and black dress. I tried on several and this was the only one I wanted to keep on. If I lose a couple of pounds it will be that much more comfortable.

So I was feeling good when we started our shopping. We had such a great day shopping and laughing. I am not feeling great, going from 80 to 40 does that. But it didn't hold us back. It truly was a great day.

Now I need to feel better so I can get back into the exercise.

Thank you again, God!

Somehow I am awake. We were up late. Sweetie and Bug are still in bed. I am enjoying water and motrin as I upload my photos from last night. It all still seems a blur. I am so thankful for this year. This scary year of the Boar. You see BestFriend declared this to be the year of doing scary things, as it is the year of the Boar. More on that at my year end recap. Yesterday was a big day for me. I was going to do a new 5k and reunite with a friend that I have not seen since 1992, yes the same year Sweetie and I met. First some back story. She was a friend of Brothers, as I have said before. She was his roommate and quickly became one of the family. She was 5 years older than me, and to a 15 year old, that is older - the irony being that BestFriend and she are the same age. She was the older sister I never had. She had a huge impact on my life. Then circumstances were as they were and she moved away. The catch is there was no goodbye. For many years I had trouble with this. I dreamt about her, I was angry with her. Then time passes, life happens, you grow up, and suddenly though everything is not known, it is understood.

Last night was the 5k. We planned this as our reuniting place. It was a fun and healthy place to meet. Let's be honest, it was neutral and safe. She had a shitty week and I was worried that circumstances as they were, she would not make it. Things were different as originally planned. She and I did not meet up at the start, parking for the event was HORRIBLE, but this is a happy post so I will not go into that. She was not up for the walk so she brought her family to cheer me on and to meet up at the end.

Sweetie and BestFriend ran, and did awesome might I add. I pushed Bug in her stroller. Thanks to cellular technology, I saw her as I passed the starting line. I saw she was with her family. It was real. The first mile is getting over to the lights. That is the fastest I have ever done a mile. I even did quite a bit of running - not a lot by normal people standards, but a lot for me. Then we got to the lights, I didn't run and I we enjoyed the lights, but meeting up with this person keep me going. At the end of the lights was an optional exit. I could tell Bug was getting antsy. She loved the lights, but she wanted to go out and touch them - silly 'ol Bug. The last mile did not have lights so I knew she would be bored. And since I didn't even start my stop watch - how very very very unlike me - we opted to stop. We waited at the designated meeting point for BestFriend. Sweetie was going backwards on the trail to find us, and of course we weren't there. That is the only bad part of stopping early. After I cooled off, and composed myself, I called T to let her know I was at the tree.

And there she was. In real life. We hugged, I met her family. Her youngest, 6 months older than Bug, took to me the minute he saw me. And Bug didn't mind sharing - which she is good about at school, but this was different. BestFriend and Sweetie were there as my rocks. Without them I would have chickened out. It was so very special to see this person again after so long. We all went to dinner. We chatted and had fun. Sweetie offered for them to come back to our house. And something different happened. I didn't freak out because the house wasn't picture perfect. I welcomed them over. Something is a changin' in these here parts. BestFriend couldn't stay as she had some single girl plans, which I hope she had a great time. We had a great visit. There were tears, happy tears. Sweetie kept T's husband, JM, and her two teenagers happy with our Wii. And Bug has her new friend, Doodle. She loves him and kept saying his name. This is the first time she has really had a kid her age in our home and playing with her toys. She was amazing.

Oh and no worries when you count the walk to and from when we parked, I did more than a 5k's worth of distance.

Here is BestFriend with Bug after the race, hope she doesn't kill me for posting a pic of her sweaty - she just ran a 5k:Here
Here is BestFriend after the race: Even the kids felt the urge to do something healthy: And the best part of having a boy as a friend - you can put buckets on their head:Thank you Brother for finding her on the M*y S*pa*ce crack and contacting her. Thank you God for not taking her on Friday. I am so thankful she is here. I am so thankful this year for those in my life. I am thankful to be surrounded by such strength.

As we drifted off to sleep last night Sweetie asked me if I was happy, "Yes" I answered with a smile bright enough to light the darkened room.

bringing it all together

Time for reflection. Time for contemplation. I am fighting a cold. Fighting it hard might I add. I refuse to be sick. This weekend is too special. I have the trail of lights 5k. The neat part about this year is that I get to see the trail of lights twice. We have the 5k and then we always go with SIL#2, BIL, Niece, MIL, and Mom. Lots of fun this year.

But something else is happening on Saturday, at the 5k. I am reconnecting with the friend that I have not seen in some fifteen years. I am excited. I am nervous. I have grown, matured, and changed since then. What if she doesn't like me? What if I am not cool enough for her? What if time has been too much? Brother has already met with her a couple of times. I am convinced that I am overreacting.

I am feeling so good. I think my thyroid is still normal. I have been doing very well with my diet. Though nothing has been off limits - it is the holiday season. Having WW at work has been very nice. Tomorrow is weigh in. So far I am down 5 pounds. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Four weeks left until 10 years. We purchased new wedding bands for the celebration and picked them up last night. They are so beautiful. And tonight we found my anniversary ring. I have been looking for the perfect ring. I am not a traditional type. I wanted something different. I did not want diamonds. When I found this ring and showed Sweetie, he pulled his wallet out immediately and told me to order it because it is the ring. I am so excited. Have I mentioned that I still do not know the plans? Have I mentioned that I have not been asking? Have I mentioned that this drives me crazy?

I am tired. Tonight is going to be watching Christmas movies, eating PB&J, and a long bath. I
have to feel better for the fun of Saturday!

In the Sprit

Happy Toes

I have pretty toes. BestFriend and I got mani/pedis yesterday. It was so much fun. We don't get to spend much one-on-one time together, so we made up for it yesterday.

We have had a great weekend. Friday night Sweetie, Bug, and I adopted an angel from the Salvation Army Angel Tree. We purchased the items for a little girl named Teresa and turned them in today. I hope it helps to make her Christmas a little better.

We also had a guy try to scam us out of cash. GRRRR I hate people like that. I am happy to help when needed, don't play on that. Don't make me feel used as you walk away. No, we didn't fall for his scam. It just upset me that he even tried.

I have a ton of work to do this next week. But that is ok. I am still very happy. And I get to interview two people on Tuesday. Yes, one of my peeps is leaving, long story. I have done this before, but it is always a little nerve wracking. I mean I want to pick the right person for the job.

What else is new? I feel like I have not blogged in so long. We have been enjoying Bug so much this season. She loves the Christmas tree, the songs, and the specials. She is awesome. She may have her two year old moments, aka stubborn fits, but I love this age.

OK sorry for the short post, but I need to get to sleep.