I have friends who hurt. It is in my nature to want to make it all better. In 2006 I experienced my worst depression. I have come so far. I can see that. But I am not solid yet. To tend to my mental, spiritual, physical and emotional health sometimes means that I go inward. I am an introvert. And when I am working on myself I don't want distractions and I don't want to bother others. Add in that I love my family and cannot get enough time with them, and I sometimes come up as a lacking friend. I do not mean to be. I adore my friends. And if I could take away all of their pain and give them a lifetime of happiness, I would. I offer what I can. And if that isn't enough, I am sorry. I have been hurt by friends so I am cautious to trust. My good friends understand this. They understand that I am focusing on my health, on the CPA, and on making sure that I stay doing great. But I still feel guilty about not always being there.
If only there were more hours in the day, if only I could do everything I want to do.
It just seems that most everyone I love is going through a rough time right now. Be it sadness, divorce, struggling to understand one's purpose, fighting for a marriage, lonliness, or just a bad day, it is all over my peeps' lives.
And I hate to admit it, but I am human. I can only do so much, offer so much, and get in so deep. That doesn't mean don't vent to me, converse with me, or seek me as support. I LOVE all of that. All I am saying is that if I am taking time for me, I will let you know. If it isn't a good time, of if I am feeling overwhelmed, I will tell you. That probably doesn't make sense, it does to me. What I mean is please come chat, talk, and vent. Don't worry about it being too much, I promise to let you know if it is. Yes, I think that finally came out right.
Right now I know I am in an inward phase. This means my friends will need to do the contacting because I will not be good at it. I am the worst at returning phone calls or emails. Those who love me understand this. This does not mean that I don't want to chat, to hang out, or make plans. All it means is that I am focused right now and I know myself. It is so easy to say "oh I am thinking about so-and-so" and not follow through. I am not making excuses, just being quite honest.
My point? Oh yes, my friends. They are going through rough times. I am so very greatful that I am in a good place right now and I can try and offer some help.
Sometimes it just sucks being an adult and facing adult issues.
SRC Day 6: Rest - complete
1 comment:
You hurt when others hurt and can't let go of your need to make the world right for the people you love.
But I want to write about Trust, a theme for this year as proclaimed by the wise G.
Trust in your friends to come to the realization that they alone are responsible for their own happiness. Trust that the universe is giving them all the tools they need to survive whatever is troubling them. Trust in yourself to let go of the idea that you can change their life for them.
You are a magnificent friend and your compassion compels you to try to make things better for those you see that need help, but most of life's challenges can only be solved by the one who is presented with it and only through taking care of our ourselves are we able to grow. If you did it for us, we'd remain the same helpless child. You are not responsible for initiating the change in their life.
Know that having you there to listen and support, even if only via chat or email, is worth more than we'll ever be able to repay. Seeing that you have faith in us helps us find the strength within ourselves to do what we'd thought impossible. I know that personally I am blessed to be able to call you my friend and role model.
Post a Comment