A lot going on

Today is crazy day. Last night Bug fell off a bar stool and has a black eye. She went with me to my ENT appt today. Long story short, I have surgery on Friday. I am a little freaked by it, but that is ok. My laptop needs replacing. It is very ill. YAY another expense. blah. 

OK sorry for the quick on and off, but I am on Sweetie's machine and don't like it as much. 

nothing - yet everything

This morning I rejoined WW at work. It was very good for me. I feel in control again. I also restarted the power 90 challenge. Yay for me.

Today I went to the allergist. They poked me 80 times, 40 in the back, 20 in each arm - to test me for what I am allergic to. Guess what? I am not allergic. My reactions when molds get high are due to environmental changes and not the pollen itself. Yes, I am complicated like that. The Dr prescribed some allergy medication to help me - I know that sounds funny.

I also found out I have a deviated septum. I always felt I breathed out of one nostril more than the other. Now I know why. I go the the ENT on Monday. The allergist said that getting my septum corrected would cut down on my sinus infections drastically. I hope it is that simple. Of course, we are talking about me so probably not.

I am feeling good. I am getting myself healthy again, mental and physical. I have been experiencing some depression. I am doing everything in my power to keep it at bay.

Last night Bug and I went to dinner with BestFriend. She is awesome. She knows I am fighting this slump which means I need to be pushed to do things. She demanded it, and I am beyond grateful. Thank you, BestFriend for being so amazing.

I need to close this for now, I must get back to my studying.

No More Drama

No more drama please. I am taking myself out of the middle. If you wish to discuss the weather or other things, awesome. But no more of the drama. I take things on too personally, I get emotional. I understand that friendship is needed. But I am caught in the middle and I don't like it there. So I am stepping out.

Never Forget

Today marks 11 years since we lost my father. It is always emotional. However, I think this year is easier, most likely due to Bug being such a big girl these days. Though I do remember it getting easier after 10 years after my Grandma's death. Regardless, I miss him daily. I think of how much has changed, which is so much. I miss you, Daddy.

So we did what we do each year, we went to the lake where we scattered his ashes. The lake was down very low like it was two years ago. Last year it was as full as it was when we scattered his ashes. Whenever we see it low I feel a little sad. When it is low the ducks and geese don't come to visit. But this didn't stop us. It is a beautiful place regardless. Last year I would have been in water to take this shot. Sweetie took Bug out onto some of the rocks. She has grown so much since last year. It amazes me. We had some breakfast, walked around the park and played soccer ball. It was very nice. Afterward, we had to rest up. We had Bug's first performance to attend. We went to see "Not Afraid of the Dark" by the Austin Ballet Apprentice Company. It was perfect for Bug. She was awesome. She was literally on the edge of her seat the whole time either holding our hands or clapping. I loved it. I loved seeing it through her eyes. I love how big she is. This is her glow in the dark necklace that we got at the show. And here we are with her. After the show we headed back toward home. Bug requested bookstore so we went to the Domain. We enjoyed the bookstore, some pizza, playing, and looking at stores. Here Sweetie is trying to convince Bug to put her foot on the big fountain. She would only stick to the small ones. Needless to say, both went to the car with soaked shoes. We had a great day. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful family. Now we are home and I am finishing this blog so that I can get some studying complete.

bring it on

Yesterday, I walked in the morning and did my circuit workout in the evening. I didn't workout tonight, but will be back on it tomorrow morning. Today I also rejoined WW at my work. YAY. Our session should go through Christmas. I am feeling motivated. I want to use this time before we start trying again to test and get into better shape.

Other than that, things are good. I have to wait another three weeks to give blood. And I forgot to add when I received it, I am officially a card carrying bone marrow potential donor.

OK I need to get back to studying.

And the verdict is....

NORMAL. 1 year normal (less the slight hypo when I was pregnant). That means remission. My Dr doesn't want to see me again for a year. Since we will be trying to get pregnant soon she wants my blood tested without an appt in March. And since we don't know if I went hypo because of simply being pregnant or because of something wrong with the pregnancy, I am to call when I pregnant again. For now I am not hyper or hypo. I am normal. While I will always have thyroid issues in my medical history and there is a good chances I will be non-normal at some point, I am happy to be normal now.

Now I have no excuse not to study or lose weight.

Weekend Update by Missy

This weekend was good. Friday night we went to Jim's and I got to see MotoDiva. She is having a rough time and seeing her face to face was very nice.

Saturday was lunch with BestFriend with a lil shopping. After the shopping we dropped Bug off at Moms and we went home to prepare for date night.

What did we do first? Nap of course. Man it was nice. Then we went to our favorite sushi place and sat at the bar. We had WAY too much sushi - I had no idea Sweetie could pack away nearly 40 pieces of sushi. He ordered a lot on his own and then I couldn't finish mine, so you know how it is. We left to see a movie only to find out what we wanted to see was not being shown at the theater we went to and by the time we got to another theater the movie would have started.

We are no longer the party animals of our youth. And that is fine by us. We found ourselves back at home enjoying each other instead of staying out late. It was a great night.

Tonight though is when Sweetie really proved himself. As we were coming home from the store and errands we drove past his Uncle. He moved into our area a few months ago. Anyway, Uncle invited us to dinner. As I wanted my much desired bubble bath and to study, Sweetie offered to take Bug and go to dinner with the family while I had alone time. Let me repeat that, ALONE TIME. I was able to take my super hot bath with candles and a beer, in peace. It was wonderful. I didn't soak long as I wanted to get some studying done. I studied for nearly two hours. I got a lot done and am very happy with myself.

That was the weekend. It wasn't the most exciting, not a drop of rain from Ike. But sometimes not exciting is best. Next weekend should be more interesting as we take Bug to her first ballet.

For now I must prepare for bed, I have an early Dr appt with my Endo. I will post my results when I get into work...er I mean when I get home and am no longer on the clock ;-)

third post in a day

Yes, it is me again. I wanted to let everyone know that I am doing good. I thought I would check in as I already finished my studying for the night, gonna get ahead some now. Sweetie is hanging with his friend tonight so Bug and I went to get cupcakes. I had the pumpkin, so so so good. Unfortunately we had to leave early due to Bug having an accident. I am reminding myself that she is only 3 months into the training and this is only the third accident she has had in public. Once we got home we got ready for bed and I started studying. YAY. I am doing good with it. I also scheduled my test. I might have to rethink it though. I scheduled it for the last Saturday available for me, which is Nov 1st. That is cool as it is my FIL's b-day and I feel I would have him around to help me. But then it hit me, it is the day AFTER Halloween, at 8 in the morning. We shall see. I don't want to do it during work, don't want to use any PTO for it. I will talk to Sweetie about it.

OK so I am good, still hyper.

To Psycho Bitch in Red SUV

You are crazy. You are not better than anyone. When a road is closed down to one lane, it means you too. Just because your car can fit between the cones doesn't mean you SHOULD. And doing it to turn right without looking put you in MY way when I was turning in the legal manner. Yes, I honked. And I know you thought you were smart to pull over and get behind me. Surely I would lead you to my house. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME???? I have my daughter in my car, I am NOT that stupid. From the moment you got behind me I took wrong turns. You followed me THROUGHOUT my neighborhood to the next major street all the while on the phone. I don't know who you were talking to, nor do I care. I was in the right and I know that. I was hoping you would follow me to my husband, but no you lost interest. Fucking crazy bitch. I am sure you were coming from the gas station that is 12 cars deep due to the upcoming hurricane. Of course, it is going to hit here, run fast for the gas.

I agree with Tammy, I hate people.

So hyper today

I woke up feeling so good today. I am so hyper. I think it has to do with today I am two weeks out from my procedure. This means I am cleared for such things as exercise, a bubble bath (with wine please), and the most important SEX (WOOHOO). Sorry but it is true. Last night I had to return some maternity clothing. Yes, I know that I could become pregnant soon and would need the items. However, I would rather buy them then. I am, of course, keeping what I have already worn but I still had some items with the tags still on them. So I asked Bug if she would help me go shopping.

What does my darling daughter in 90 something degrees ask for? A coat! When I finished the return I said "you want to look at coats?" and she said "yes, one that keeps me cold, I am soooo cold". She has a "so cold" voice and she used that. It cracked me up. She picked her own coat and it is nice - pink, I know that was a shocker.

I also got me an outfit. A cute skirt and shirt. Nothing better than an outfit that makes you feel sexy. Today I feel sexy.

I went in the morning to the Vampires and hit starbucks on the way to work. It is my splurge after a dr/lab appt. I was so hyper. I am still pretty hyper. I worried about an upcoming crash due to how good I was feeling. So far that hasn't happened. I have been the most productive at work. I did everything in my in-box AND cleaned my desk. This is big for me.

So I am feeling good. I am listening to my lectures while I blog, err work, this afternoon. I am not sure what all we are doing tonight, but I am hoping for some sort of exercise, studying, and a bubble bath. Sweetie said he would take Bug to a park or something so I can take a bath by myself. I have not had that in quite some time. Yay.

I think the big thing is that I am out of the physical healing stage. That makes me feel normal again. I am still working on the emotional, but at least the physical is good.

Today I feel like life is moving on and I am a part of it. Now I think I shall work on my spreadsheets. I need to focus on my walking and my studying.

on the spot

Spontaneous that is. Yesterday BestFriend and I decided we needed some fun. She and I went with a guy friend of her's to see Tropic Thunder. It was funny. Sweetie planned a play date with a friend from work's three year old at the bounce place. They had a blast. All planned at the last minute and it was perfect.

Today I am doing good. I really think I am ready to get back into the whole walk/run/skipping thing. I have been good and following Drs orders and taking it easy. But now that I am at "normal" again, I am ready to get moving.

Tomorrow I give blood for my thyroid. I am not sure what it is going to say. I feel like it is better than in Aug. But I have no clue.

happiness is

Ok this was the strangest weekend. And each event, in and of itself was nothing. But all together they make me smile. Yesterday, the main link to me meeting Sweetie found me on mysp@ce. She is the one who introduced me to the ex-boyfriend who took me to the party where I met Sweetie. Keeping up? She and I went to one school, her boyfriend went to another. She introduced me to her boyfriend's friend. He then took me to a third school's party two years after we stopped dating where I met Sweetie. There will be a quiz.

Anyway... So she found me. That is cool. Then today we went to the grocery store, as it is Sunday. At the store we saw a mom of another ex. We see her a lot as she still lives in the neighborhood and works close. I have never said anything to her. I didn't know she recognized me. Today we saw her and she commented on Bug. One isle later she said "oh I didn't realize she was yours, Melissa". Wow she recognized me and knew my name. As it is with grocery stores, you walk along the same route so we were with her for a bit. I got the dirt on her sons and she asked questions about Bug and such. It was strange as I don't think she has ever talked to me like this.

Then after everyone left tonight, the ex that is the direct link to me meeting sweetie found me on f@cebook. The one who took me to the party where I met Sweetie. So interesting. Is the universe trying to remind me how lucky I am to have Sweetie? I know it, I don't need reminding. Am I emotional these days and biting his head off? Well, yes, but that is expected and I own up to it and apologize as soon as I see I am being crazy, which is usually during the moment. But back on the subject, I appreciate the reminder nevertheless. And I was so nice to let him sleep while dinner cooked. See him sleeping, isn't he the sweetest. Today I wanted to spend time with Mom and MIL without any big reason or unhappiness behind it. I also wanted to use my crock pot. So I made turkey breast with brown rice chili and biscuits. It was so good. I also invited BestFriend over. Seeing her made me feel so good. As we relaxed with the Moms after dinner we had the best surprise of DarkDiva showing up. Normally I am hesitant of the drop in. But this time, I loved it. It was so good to see her and hug her and feel loved.So I am ending the weekend with a beer in hand and smiling. I feel loved, grateful for my life, and simply happy. The happiness is so strong today that it completely makes up for the sadness yesterday.

Oh and here is the humming bird feeder that Sweetie bought me to remind me about life. Here's to a productive and healthy week ahead.

New Day

Yesterday turned into a hard and sad day. I didn't see it coming, but there it was. I felt very lost and sad. Today I am focusing on side stepping the depression hole again. I refuse to get into the depression I was in a couple of years ago.

We are having the Moms over for dinner. I am making Turkey chili with brown rice. Yummy - or at least I hope so. I might even make some cookies if I am up for it.

And we had the Internet guys out here at 7 this morning. OMG that was early, but our Internet is fixed and running smooth again.

Tomorrow Sweetie and I are going to be working out again. I have to start moving again. I have 7 weeks until LiveStrong. Plus I would like to lose a couple of pounds before we start trying again.

Oh and studying. I started again last week and this week I have to crank it into gear. I have to test by Nov and I am determined to get it underway.

I am emerging from my hole and need to hang with my friends. I think this week is going to be one of making plans.

quiet

This morning is quiet. I am doing good. Actually I am doing better than I expected. We went over to a friend's house last night. She is due a month before I was. This is the first time I have been able to see them and I expected it to be quite painful. Emotional? Yes. But I was not holding back tears or anything. Life goes on.

Once again I am the first one up. This whole not being able to go back to sleep thing SUCKS.

This weekend is about cleaning and organizing.

Doing better

I am home with Bug. I am feeling a bit better. I know it is an emotional roller coaster. I just have to have patience. And I get to have lunch tomorrow with MotoDiva. Yay.

But for now, I am nicely distracted.

blah

I was doing pretty good. However, I was reminded how my emotions are on edge. I cry at the drop of a hat. I know life goes on and people have their own issues. I know this, I know people have hard days. And I never want anyone to treat me with kid gloves.

With that said, I hurt when friends hurt, or are upset, or are edgy. I feel a loss when I am turned away. I feel like I am being pushed away. And my emotions are crazy. I swear if someone walked by and sneezed, I would cry.

Just when I thought I was being strong today, I find out how fragile I am. I am surrounded by family and friends who care about me. I am lucky. I put my status on gmail about crying at work and I instantly had two friends comment/come by to see me. That made me feel loved.

However, at the same time, I feel so very alone.

at work

I am at work. I am functioning. It is hard. I just want to sit and cry. BestFriend won't allow it. She is wonderful. She is giving me my space and not yelling at me for breaking our plans two days in a row. She is having me focus on studying and walking. I hope it works. I just want to feel normal again. I posted that I feel healthier and that is true. But I am still feeling out of sorts from the procedure. Nothing bad, but it just takes time. I feel tired. I just want to be able to do everything that I want to. A physical healing time from all of this seems absurd to me. Shouldn't the emotional be enough.

I was having a rough time last night and Bug came up to me and told me "I need my mommy". It was the most perfect thing for her to say. I told her that I need my Bug. I am keeping her close to me. She is amazing and helping me through all of this.

And as much as I want to start walking now, I don't know if I am ready yet. Perhaps this week I should simply focus on the house.

Oh and did I mention Blah?

sadness

Yes, the sadness is here. Yesterday was a hard day. Bug picked up on my emotions and acted out, I became sadder with the acting out - you see the cycle. Nothing horrible, but draining. I tried to distract myself with some shopping and we had to leave two stores. I know she was picking up on things as she is normally a good kid. I guess we are all on edge lately.

Sweetie ran in the Nike+ Human Race 10k. Bug and I didn't get a chance to cheer him on as we were napping. And after the day we had, I didn't want to mess with nap time. But he did awesome, as I know he would. And even without being able to train for the event, he was smart about the race and didn't push himself too hard. That made me very proud.

While I dread work tomorrow, I am looking forward to the routine. Distracting myself with work and study sounds perfect right now.

Last night while Sweetie was running, I did use my new crock pot and made him rice pudding. I also did some dishes and cleaning. Not as much as I wanted as I started to feel tired and was experiencing some heavier bleeding, I know TMI.

Anyway, I am hoping to be able to do more today. I just need to work through the sadness.