Going Deep

Sweetie doesn't feel well and is resting with Bug. This gives me a chance to blog.

Last night went well. It was much deeper than the first time. Outcome? I am messed up. OK not really that bad. We discussed communication and how Sweetie and I fight. Good thing is that we don't do all the negative things that we could. Actually we don't fight too badly, but there is room for improvement. My problem is that I clam up. I try to run away. I stop talking, change rooms, slam doors. Well that is not true for all discussions. Simple arguments I am in it and fighting back. The same goes for over-the-top-world-ending conflicts. I might try to run but I stop myself and I keep on screaming. These are the ones that I become a different person and my hiding goes away. But for medium arguments, I try to escape. I know more than you wanted to know about me, but it is my blog so na-na.

The counselor suggested I should seek individual counseling on top of the couples. Nice. Actually I could use some. I have pent up feelings that I have not dealt with from many things over my life. When we discussed my wanting to run away with arguments, the counselor asked why I do it. When I said that I have always done it that way (seems it is a family trait), that is when additional counseling was suggested. We told the counselor that we had some good discussions that dealt with issues that would normally go into arguments without the arguments part over the last week. He suggested we try to have more of these over the next week while keeping in mind the negative argument tactics that we use, we discussed Sweetie's problems too so it wasn't all me. Overall, it was good.

Work was very good today. New boss was back and I was actually doing work that I am paid to do. It felt good. I really like my boss. He is not a micro-manager. He says that I am smart enough to figure a lot of it out on my own and smart enough to know when to ask questions. Indeed I am. I am teh smart.

Tomorrow is Friday - yay! Saturday is Niece's 10th b-day, should be a ton of fun.

Light at the end of the tunnel

I am tired. Very very tired. Good mood today so not depressed tired. Just tired. Want to sleep. I went to my car for lunch to read, nice outside. I contemplated a nap while I was there, but it was too hot. Instead I went to the HEB close by and got a diet coke, nuts, and chocolate. You know, the needed items to wake up.

It really feels like the depression is lifting. I know I will always battle this. But I think I am learning more about me and, in the process, taking the veil of sadness off of me. I think this new job is helping too. I felt stuck at the non-profit. Helping cure cancer was very nice - and I will continue to go to their events and such. However, I wasn't doing what I spent so long in school to learn. This morning was good. I was busy meeting with people and finding out what they do. It made the morning pass very quickly.

I am so grateful for being at home last week when the depression was the worst. I think it helped me get it out of my system. I seriously need to start with a consistent exercise routine. Research shows that 30 minutes of exercise a day can give the same benefits as antidepressants for some people.

OK so I get to be petty now. What I love about my job so far, not getting in trouble for being 5 minutes late, having a boss who understands if you need to leave early and doesn't hold against your PTO unless you are gone for half a day, not having to answer the phones, not having to greet people, the ability to wear sandals and flip flops, the ability to take work home, the commute, and well I guess the increase in pay ;-)

Tonight is counseling, reading more in my book, maybe some housework, and early to bed.

Not Us

Semi-hard day. Nothing bad like last week. But feeling the blahs. My new boss left the office this morning and will not be back until Thursday. This is not bad. But I have not been trained enough to have anything to do. So this afternoon is laid back. Tomorrow I will be doing admin stuff to help the team; I don’t mind that at all. But for now, I have silence for my mind to wander.

I did get out for lunch. Didn’t go home this time, went to Schlotskys. OMG I thought I was splurging a lil and not getting my normal and getting a medium. Tonight is my weigh in time. I didn’t go last week and while I don’t think I can stay for the meeting, I wanted to weigh in. I also have not counted my points, just been watching my intake and trying to listen to my body. I got back from lunch very full. I looked up the nutrition, want to start following the program this week, and guess what? Lunch was 32 points. I have had 35 points today. For the non-WW people out there, I have already gone over my points by 13. I do get 35 points a week to use – above the 22 a day, but I am starting this week off with 13 already used. That is ok, I am not giving up. A healthy weight will be mine, in spite of everything.

Last night after I blogged we had a bit of stress. I checked our messages and we had a call from what we found out was a collection agency. The message said that they wanted to speak to Sweetie regarding the matter before moving forward. OK that sounds bad enough. I had no clue what it could be. During our discussion to try and figure it out we opened the mail to find a $1,000 bill from my last two blood lettings. These normally cost me $8.50. I was shocked. Yes, I am making more now, but I wanted to get caught up a little – like buying tires and registration for my car – not paying lab bills.

Sweetie was awesome. He took everything to work. Insurance is with his work and the collection call was for Sweetie – so I couldn’t call. Within the 1st hour of being at work he had it all worked out. Collection call was for a loan that was not ours. They tried to tell him that he got a loan with XYZ company in 2000. He said he did not. They got cocky and asked when he last looked at his credit report. He said last year and that this was not on it. That is when they realized that the SSN and Addresses did not match up. He also called the lab. They were very nice. He got it all worked out and they are resubmitting the insurance claim and will send updated statements to us. In a word he was awesome.

Tomorrow night is our next counseling session. We have done a lot this week. Nothing prescribed by the counselor mind you, but a lot for us. We have gotten more from other resources than from our session. Our communication has been much more open and honest. Now this does not mean that we are quitting our counseling, I just think we might need to find someone new, but tomorrow night will tell. The main thing is for us to keep at it. I truly think that all couples would benefit from counseling of some sort. I am grateful that Sweetie set this up.

Ok off to weigh in – ugh, and get my Bug – YAY.

1st day

It went well. I met most everyone. I am in a cubicle for now but am getting an office before year end. I had lunch with Sweetie. We met at home and ate leftovers. I know it doesn't sound romantic, but it was. And when I left work, I passed some purple flowers. The aroma was overpowering. I took it in and smiled in the 82 degree weather. Then I had a large butterfly fly in front of me.

Tonight Sweetie made us pork loin stir fry. This is his dish. It was yummy.

What a great first day.

And I get paid on Friday, I was afraid I would have to wait until the 15th.

Checking In

Hi there everyone. I just thought I would jump on and check in with everyone. Today has been a good family day. We went to the mall and got my new necklace adjusted and Sweetie's ring polished. When we came back Sweetie worked on the yard. Bug and I helped him pick up his tools in the rain. She was such a lil helper that she put on her daddy's work gloves.

We went to Mom's to watch Grey's Anatomy - missed it on Thursday - I hate the new time slot. I love that she has DVR.

Bug was good and went to bed early tonight, I am sure we will pay in the morning. Sweetie and I had enough time to work on the books that we are working on for us and have some good conversation. I love laughing with this man.

I am doing much better with the depression. I think the books and counseling are helping me a lot. Now all I have to add is the exercise and I should be set.

Tomorrow is store, shopping for niece, and other odds and ends.

I hope everyone had a great Saturday.

Today's Tidbits

~ On Tyra's show yesterday she went on and on and on and on about how over the summer she lost 10 pounds. How since no longer modeling she got comfortable and her thighs were starting to get thick. WTF???? Ten pounds. Makes me want to hit her. Seriously hit her.

~ Today Sweetie surprised me with a necklace. Backtrack. On our 2nd dating anniversary (1994) I bought Sweetie an Alpha Omega ring from James Avery. He wore it everyday. He loves that ring. A little over a year ago he lost it. We could not find it anywhere. Two weeks ago this coming Sunday Sweetie found the ring. It was in our brown chair. He was so happy. He says he feels complete again. So today he surprised me with a prayer scroll necklace with Alpha Omea on it. On the inside scroll he wrote me a love letter. So sweet. Man I adore him. Tomorrow we go to get the adjustable leather cord adjusted to my size. I cannot wait to wear this necklace.

~ Today something kinda creepy also happened. I had Dr Phil on in the living room and I was in the laundry room, computer and all, folding and hanging laundry. I went into the masterbedroom closet to hang clothes. I could not hear the TV in this room. Yet I heard a male voice say "Missy?" My heart dropped. I stopped for a second and responded with "yes?" Nothing. I go back to the laundry room and im Sweetie and ask if he called me in his mind - we have had that happen before. Nope not at that moment. Noone in the house. Kinda creepy. Not sure who was visiting. I kept asking what they wanted, but no response.

What I did today, by Missy

Today consisted of:

~Girlie doctor - all is good and another prescription for the ring

~A nap that was wonderful

~Lunch with Sweetie that consisted of eating and playing cards

~Journaling in green pen

~Learning more about myself

~Going to Target with Sweetie and Bug

~Listening to Sweetie and Bug have the absolute best time running around the clothing section laughing and carrying on while I picked out new PJs for Bug

~Having to open the bag of Goldfish while still in Target because she knows what that bag means and she means business

~Having the best tomato basil soup for dinner

~Getting ready for bed feeling less depressed than when I woke up

~Knowing tomorrow will be even better

Hard Day

I miss you, Dad!

Strip Mall Counseling

We survived tonight. Actually it was really good. The first session is always a look at the history and current situation. Other than the counselor being in a physical therapy office, having no one to give us the forms to fill out when we arrived 15 minutes early (as we were instructed), and ending the session a few minutes early, it was good.

We have the next two sessions scheduled. We shall see what happens. He said that our problems are very fixable and that we have a strong marriage. That makes me feel good. I think the fact that we were very honest, up front, and said we were interested in long term counseling showed how badly we want to improve our relationship.

We left laughing and joking. We enjoyed a nice dinner where we continued our conversation. It was a very nice evening. Not what you would expect from counseling, but that is good.

Count Down

2.5 hours until our counseling session. I am nervous. Meeting with a new Counselor is always nerve wracking.

Today has been a great and relaxing day. Dr appt went as expected. Depression not related to meds, must work on me. Took a long nap with the windows open because of the beautiful weather outside. Had lunch with Sweetie. And sat on my Swing while reading for a couple of hours. Now I am getting ready to pick Bug up from school.

I will let everyone know how it goes tonight.

it's butt kicking time

Sorry for my absence. Last week was crazy. It was my last week at my non-profit. It was busy and emotional. I had my going away lunch on Thursday. Sweetie even came and we enjoyed some FireBowl. After, I went and gave my blood. I got the results on Friday. The exact results will be discussed at my appointment tomorrow morning.

This weekend was crazy busy. Friday night we drove to Canyon Lake with MIL so Bug could meet her Great-Aunt and Great-Uncle. We came back early Saturday afternoon. That night Sweetie and I had a date night. Bug even stayed the night at Mom’s house. We had the BEST date. We bought movie tickets and had time to kill. So, we went to the mall and shared a smoothie. Then we went and saw Little Miss Sunshine. That was a hilarious movie. I laughed so very hard. Seriously, a funny movie. We finished the date with a trip to the Arbor. We enjoyed Barnes & Noble, a nice romantic walk through the parking garage, and finally ending at Cheesecake factory with sharing a strawberry-shortcake and drinks. Such a great date. The evening was filed with much laughter and intimate conversation.

Today has been one errand to the next. We are in the process of some home improvement projects. Should be fun. We are working on our yard, flooring, and painting our bedroom.

This blog may be changing. As I said above, I received my test results. I have been experiencing some bad, for me at least, depression for a couple of months. I thought it was due to my medication level needing reduction. I found out on Friday that my levels are normal.

I refuse to go back on meds, so I am in the process of working on me. Knowing full well that depression and emotional issues are always complicated, Sweetie and I are starting counseling tomorrow. Every couple has issues to one degree or another. We have a strong base and love each other very much. We simply want to make sure that it stays that way.

The reason I bring it up is that I am going to use this blog to help work through my issues. This might make the blog more boring, or not, who knows.

I am off from work this next week and plan to work on me. I will keep everyone updated.

Eight weeks until my B-day. I am hoping to make progress in kicking this depression’s ass.

Tears in the Morning

Today marks 5 years since 9-11. This post is not about that. This is not out of disrespect. Rather, this is due to the fact that I feel unable to write a post powerful enough to express my thoughts and attitude about that day. If you wish to read some amazing posts on the subject please go here or here.

This post is about friendship. True friendship is receiving a call and when you hear your friend crying on the other side, you begin to cry too - real tears. Friendship is wanting to do ANYTHING to take care of that friend, but knowing that all you really can do is listen and offer advice based on your own experiences.

This is how my day started. I would not trade it for anything because it means that I am this person's "go to" friend. And friend, if you are reading this, know that it will get better. And know that I am here in any way that you need to help.

And what do I do when I find out another friend has the same traits of friends gone bad in my past. Nothing has been done to me or against me so far. But shouldn't I stop it at the pass and end the friendship, or at least not pursue it, based on this similarity? I am turning 30 in 9 weeks, shouldn't I surround myself with only the best people? If I don't step back, aren't I just waiting to be hurt again? Or would doing this lead to me living in a constant fear and criticism of being hurt? And don't the best people even have their flaws?

Adult friendship is such a tricky thing. Everyone has their own lives, their own drama, their own situations. I am all about surrounding yourself with a variety of people in a variety of situations. At what point do you say "sorry, your difference is too much for me"?

I think the bigger question is, what traits define "the best people"?

Such a Mom

Bug has a slight fever from yesterdays shots. I cancelled my dinner plans tonight so I can be with her. Sweetie is absolutely the best dad ever, but I would hate being away from her when she doesn't feel well.

And then I had another "Oh my goodness I am such a mom" moment. I got a Quizno's Flatbread salad - love them. Along with my salad I got a Toffee Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cookie. Sounds divine, right? I look over at the cookie while I am eating my salad and think "I am going to wait to eat that, I want to share it with Bug".

HYPER

Not sure why, but I am hyper. I have been going non-stop today.

This morning was Bug's 15 month appointment. Our Dr is in a new office. Last week when we were there Bug was shy and timid - she wasn't sure of this new place. Today we walk in and she acted like she ran the place. In the waiting room she was talking away, we were the only ones there, and she kept going to the door that actually goes into the office area and yelling at it - she knew we were supposed to go through there. Then she had to sit in the chairs, big people chairs mind you, all by herself and I had to sit in the one next to her. When the nurse called our name, Bug walked right in the door and went to the scale. I tell you, she remembered.

Bottom line, she is healthy healthy healthy. Her height is on the growth chart. Her weight isn't, but it has been improving each time we go in. Then she got three shots. Good news is that she is done for shots until she is 4. We don't go back for another well-baby check-up until she turns 2.

Then I get to work and find out that another coworker is leaving. Seems everyone is bailing. I had to deal with both her and my paperwork for HR and then I was working on special projects for the walk in Oct. Talk about busy. It felt good. I felt needed. Not enough to stay, but enough to be leaving on very good terms.

Life is so funny. I accept a job offer, a good one mind you. Then Tuesday night I got a call from a CPA firm in Georgetown that I applied to. They wanted an interview. Of course, I declined explaining that I already received a position. It would be a longer commute and I am pretty sure less pay. Then yesterday I received a call from Dell regarding wanting to set up interviews. Now I have heard stories about the long hours at Dell. So I am much happier with the decision I made, but isn't it funny. They all come out of the woodwork AFTER I accept an offer.

But I am hyper. And that is a good thing.

84 Degrees

Today's lunch was PERFECT. I took my packed, and low point, lunch to Sweetie's work and we ate outside at a picnic table next to a pond in front of his building. The weather was perfect, low humidity and only 84 degrees. So awesome after the hottest August ever. Don't worry, it is expected to get back to 96 by Saturday.

I am in the best mood today. I feel strong about my decision to leave. The money is going to help. Bottom line is that I want out of debt. And I will be back in my field. Now this means that I will need to study for the CPA once I get acclimated. Which I think working with three other CPAs will help that. And I am already being recruited to get my new company to form corporate teams for the non-profit's events.

I am feeling very healthy today. I hope this sticks around. I want to walk tonight. And I already have my list of chores to do tonight. Google Spreadsheets all the way. I have a huge spreadsheet with what I want to accomplish in each room of my house. And since it is in Google Spreadsheets, I can access it anywhere - heehee

Parting is such sweet sorrow

It is done. Notice given, resignation accepted. I officially end my tenure at my non-profit on th 15th. I assured everyone that I will remain active with the upcoming events. It was hard, everyone was shocked. Now I have the fun of writing procedures and training someone to fill in until they find a replacement.

HowieMaui and I went back to Weight Watchers tonight. It can't hurt, right? Don't worry, I will keep everyone up to date on my progress.

Up Late

OK so it isn't late, but I am giddy knowing that due to the three day weekend that I get to stay up late tonight. Yes, I am boring. Bug sleeps on me, Sweetie finishes up the assembly of Niece's b-day invites, and I watch Sex in the City while blogging. Life is good.

While I am thrilled to have tomorrow off, I dread that I have to wait an extra day to give notice. I am not looking forward to it. I really do like all of my coworkers, esp now that my boss is gone. I have a feeling that they are going to take it hard. My substitute boss arrives Tuesday morning. Ugh, I hate giving notice.

I have several co-workers who have myspace accounts. One asked me on Friday for a friend invite, I have a myspace to keep track of friends but the username it is not known at work. I told her flat out no. I said that we could not be myspace friends as long as we worked together. She pouted but agreed with my thinking. Friday night I sent a friend request. I guess on Tuesday she will realize the significance.

Photo of the day:

In Celebration

In celebration - since tonight is celebrating Brother's new job and I do not want to steal his thunder, I am posting a picture that makes me smile. Enjoy.

Me Time

Oh I loves me some me time. I got off work at 3:00. Due to not wanting to drive all the way home and back to pick Sweetie up at 5:00, I ended up at the Arboretum for 2 hours of quality me time. My first stop was at Starbucks for a Pumpkin Frap - what a perfect way to pretend it is fall. I walked around, looked at shops, found cute shirts at the Gap that I did not buy, found some items at Bath and Body works but did not buy, and really didn't find anything at Pottery Barn - but enjoyed looking. I worked my way back to B&N, found a book I wanted to buy and a big chair to lounge in. I was having a good time.

Then the phone rings. Backtrack - I found out this morning that company close to home was calling references. No hopes up at that point, you never know. So it was 4:45, I had already given up hope of hearing anything today.

Bottom line, I GOT THE JOB. On 9/25 I start as the Accounting Manager for a retirement and health benefits administration company. WOO HOO!!!!!!!! Everyone I interviewed with has been there 11-17 years. That is impressive.

I am so excited, but it feels so strange. This is the first job that I have gotten where when taking it I am thinking of long term. Every other job has been "while in school" or "until something better". While I am still studying for the CPA, I do not plan to look for a job after I complete it. You see, I will need it. My boss, his boss, and her boss all have their CPAs. Oh and did I mention that they don't really do any overtime? I am so excited.

So on Tuesday I give notice at my non-profit. That is going to be hard for me. I really do love the people and the work is a no brainer (of course that is why I am looking). I am giving two weeks and then taking a week for myself.

It just seems so strange. I am an Accounting Manager!