I am a mouse

If you ask my Sweetie, I am a mouse everyday. However, today others can see this trait. My work allowed everyone to dress up in their Halloween costumes. I am the cutest little mouse. My Sweetie even made sure to take a picture of me this morning because I look so cute.

My company had a happy hour of sorts to celebrate. We had cookies as big as yo face and apple cider. Because I was dressed up I got a kewl pen that lights up and a stress ball. Lots of fun.

Now I am ready to go home.

Wonderful Morning

I know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about being - sick. So I won't discuss it for this post.

In fact, I am doing pretty good. I slept wonderfully last night and I actually woke up hungry. Today seems more like the morning sickness that I was having before week 6 - the general sense of nausea and lack of appetite. I can handle this.

I also woke up in a great mood.

Everything in my life is changing. It is scary. The last 5.5 weeks have been crazy. I sit here rather numb, trying to take it all in. I trust in God that everything is happening for a reason. I trust that it wasn't only fertility, but fate stepping in and planting the future.

I cannot wait until Monday and our appointment. I know that my Sweetie is going to tear up. He did when we found out that I am pregnant. It is going to make it real. He is so into this whole situation. He is talking to my belly, pampering me, and is so excited to experience the whole process. I know he is going to make a wonderful father. At least that is one worry that I do not have.

My only hope for tonight is that I can get my homework complete before passing out tonight.

Same Topic Different Stop

Along the lines of my last post, I had a thought. If you consider depression gives you highs and lows on its own -much like the runaway mine train at Six Flags. Pregnancy adds hormones to this mix and all of the sudden you are on the Giant.

Right now the roller coaster is up. I am feeling a bit better. Dare I say -hungry. And my mood has lifted, which is always a plus. I have homework tonight and I need to walk. Other than that I plan to sleep and relax and sleep some more.

Rainy October Day

Last night was as bad as yesterday as far as my morning sickness. This morning is slightly better, but I still dread any movement for fear of having to run to the bathroom.

You don't know what pregnancy is like until you are in the throws of it. I always hoped that I would not have the morning sickness and that I would be happy all of the time.

Please note - I am not saying that I am unhappy with life, this baby, or anything extreme. All I am adding is that there are a lot of emotions during pregnancy. Unfortunately these emotions do not replace any emotional issues or tendencies that existed before conception. I still suffer from depression. However, now it is mixed with many other emotions.

The last few days have been mixed with morning sickness and depression. This is not the best combination to make a girl feel sexy and beautiful. Luckily my Sweetie works hard to make sure that I know that he thinks I am beautiful and sexy even when pregnant and hurling.

I know this is just a slump, a low, and it will pass. I just need to focus on all that I have as well as all who love me.

Sick of Sick

I am in my third day of feeling very sick. Before, my problem was the nausea. Now it is nausea as well as feeling like I will be violently ill at any moment. I am taking b6 to calm my stomach - hopefully it will help soon. People keep telling me, those that know anyway, that my sickness is a sign that baby will stick. I hope so. The doctor's appointment seems so far away. I simply want to hear the heartbeat or something, anything that shows me my Raspberry is healthy (that is the size of baby now). Last night I came home claiming that I am allergic to raspberries because of the way I am feeling. There is nothing worse than feeling like crap in a class where interaction is mandatory.

7 Weeks

I am halfway through this first trimester. Which sounds good. However, when you take into account the 7 weeks is if from LMP, 2 of those weeks were before conception. Add on the two weeks waiting to see if I was and you end up with three weeks of going through this stage. For me to hear 7 more weeks of this sounds horrible. OK not horrible, but not happy. I actually got sick yesterday. And while throwing up when you have the flu or a hangover can bring relief, that is not what I felt. I am not doing too much better today.

My Sweetie is having fun giving me a hard time about having twins. The fact that I started showing last week does not help :-) You would not know it to look at me. In fact I have lost weight in my face and such. However, my lower belly is poking out more than normal. This is not fat, this is baby - or at least body preparing for baby. It feels completely different and is very strange. Hopefully I will know for sure that it is only one next week at this time.

My Sweetie spent several minutes talking to my belly on Saturday asking him/her to stop making me sick :-) This is on top of the new routine of kissing me and then kissing belly. He has been so wonderful. I actually was able to pour my own OJ this morning - he has been doing everything for me. Who knew he would get so into this pregnancy and so soon. Don't get me wrong - he was in this from before the cells joined. He is actually the one who made the final decision of NOW is the time. And when something is meant to be, nothing can stop it.

Tonight is my late night - starting to hate Mondays. It is just such a long day. And, of course, I have homework that must be done before class. It is ok - I am hoping to take an on-line course next semester. That way if I get put on bed rest, I can still attend classes.

We have only bought a couple of toys, waiting on the doctor's visit before anything else. I know the danger zone that we are in and must be practical about the situation.

This is what the websites say my baby looks like now

Welcome Amelia

I received a call last night from my pregnant friend - the one who rubbed off on me :-)

She was due on Halloween. However, apparently someone wanted the candy. On Oct 17th at 11:22pm Amelia came into the world. This friend is Polish so I cannot even pronounce the middle name. She arrived at 6lbs 4oz and 20 inches. Mother and baby went home yesterday and are doing wonderfully, other than Mother sounding so exhausted.

I am waiting to tell a lot of people about the baby until after the first doctor's visit. However, there was no way I could keep it from her last night. She was so wonderful and got so excited for me and my Sweetie. I cannot wait to meet this little one.

The Chinese Calendar was correct with her, if it is with me - then I am carrying a boy.

Hormones are fun

Now I will have to deny it if you ask me, as any good pregnant woman will, but I believe that the hormones have set in. I cry at anything lately. This weekend my Sweetie and I went shopping and planning for the baby. We did not buy anything other than a couple of toys, but we did make notes on the cribs and strollers that we like. I was pretty good through this phase - focused on making my notes. However, when we made it to the mall and went into Hallmark, things changed. We were in a Christmas isle that showcased several stocking holders. This is when it hits me that we need to buy another stocking holder, not for this Christmas mind you. But that thought sent me teary eyed. This type of situation happened again last night as I was driving home and turned on Magic 95 - easy listening sounds good right now - and the love song show was on. Yep, teary eyed while driving is not good.
This has gone on for a couple of weeks now, much sooner than I thought, but it is here. It should be a very interesting Christmas.

In other news the nausea is still hanging on, the girls are too big for my bras, and the two weeks until our first OB visit is sooo far away. From what I am reading, I am a normal pregnant lady - with hormones, fears, concerns, and lack of concentration. I can't wait until I tell work so they can understand my brain lately.

My Sweetie has been so wonderful through all of this. He makes me food, rubs my feet, escorts me to the store, and since the day we found out started talking to the baby. He is going to be so wonderful as a father. If he is half as good as being a father as he is at being a husband, the child will be so very lucky.

Enough ramblings, I must get back to work. Wait, what do I do? Where am I? Who are you?

This is what my baby looks like according to the websites

Fall has taken over

I awake to a dark morning. This is a sign of the upcoming time change. The weather is perfect, although I am cold right now. The outside temp right now is only 73 :-) I love this. The sky is overcast with a threat of thunder storms. My Sweetie and I love thunder storms. Of course he will be away from the house tonight - game night with some new friends. So I will simply get into some comfy sweats and work on my Business Law Midterm.

On another note - and one I want to make sure that I post because soon enough I am sure this will not be the case. I feel so thin today. I feel great. My jeans are loose and I feel confident. This is good since what I have read (Dr's appointment is on Nov 1st) I should only gain like 2 pounds during my first trimester. I am eating whenever I am hungry - which is rare with my nausea. But even that is good today. And I know - way too much TMI - but my boobs don't hurt today. So today is a good day. I am still trying to hold out and not tell work until after the doctor's appointment. I want to make sure everything is ok. My Sweetie and I completed our first pregnancy walk last night, it was very good - not too strenuous.

It has not sunk it - so much going on right now - I think the doctor's visit will help.

And then there were three!

So I have written many times about my confidence rising and my transformation beginning. I had no idea how much this is true. My Sweetie and I went to the Doctor's on Oct 5th. The results? We are anticipating the arrival of our first child. I am due around June 12th. This is amazing. All grandparents know so I can post with confidence. While I know that we are not out of the woods as far as danger goes, I would rather have everyone know and able to support us in the event that the worst occurred.

So far I am doing good. I have nausea and exhaustion. However, I am able to eat very healthy foods in moderation. Sweets are not looking appealing, which is very strange. I had symptoms right away but figured it was my brain teasing me.

My Sweetie has been so wonderful. He is taking the best care of me and baby. He is even reading up on what the baby is experiencing right now, according to the books he is 2mm. He is letting me do very little at home and checks in on me to see how I am doing. I can see in his eyes that he is completely in love with me and this family. I am so happy to have this man's baby. I am so happy to have a family.

And to answer everyone's questions:

When are you due? June 12

Was this planned? Yes, we decided to start trying thinking that it would take awhile. However, we got pregnant the first time without protection. BE AWARE ANY TEENAGE GIRLS READING THIS.

Are you still going to school? Yes, graduation is still scheduled for May. I only have one class next semester so, unless my doctor says otherwise, I will walk with a big 8 month pregnant belly.

What about the CPA? The CPA is on hold for now. However, I am completely fine with this. Things happen at certain times for a reason. My company never reimbursed me for the cost, so this is not an issue.

Do you want to stay home? Yes, I want to stay home the first year. We are going to see what it will take to make it happen. I am very determined about this.

OK I have to get some more water - always thirsty - and have to pee - always have to pee :-)

Interesting

Ever thought you would explode?

Already October??

How can this be?

This weekend was wonderful. Saturday was rainy and cool. To me and my Sweetie, this is a perfect day. We just spent time together enjoying each other's company while window shopping and day dreaming about the future. We did get some cleaning and laundry accomplished which made the weekend feel productive. I hate to jinx anything, but our relationship is so wonderful right now. We are spending such quality time together while we talk and enjoy ourselves. I feel safe with this man like no one else. It is an incredible feeling, to have a relationship of 12 years to begin anew.

Tonight is school - I am pretty prepared for class -nothing that the two hours on campus before class begins can't complete. This week I have to write about 5 pages or so for business law. Hopefully this will not be too stressful.

Monday nights are the hardest - between out of synch sleep schedules, first day of the week, and a late class, it is very tiring. Only 2 months left of class, only two months until my case is due - ok that might have stirred up some stress :-)

New Day

Today I woke up thinking - today is the beginning of many great things to come. Nothing in particular caused this feeling. I am just having another great "new beginnings" day. I am feeling confident today, I am feeling in charge of my destiny. All in all it is a good day. When considering all the stress in my life, my depression has stayed away - at least more than in the past under the same circumstances. This marks the 14th day of my change - my transformation - and it is amazing. I bought a journal this week that sums it up - "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly". This is me - I am becoming a butterfly.

P.S.

Also wanted to add that this weekend I even bought a sun dress that I never would have - but that my Sweetie liked a lot. While my old self would have felt insecure in a sleeveless sundress - wanting to wait until all the weight is gone - my new self wore it with pride to my Sweetie's work. The dress clings in the right areas and is very comfortable. I was so comfortable in this outfit that I walked around his office barefoot.

Change is on the horizon.

Let me introduce you to Me!

Today I am Me. I mean, I am always me. However, today I feel that I am who I really am – without masks or smoke and whistles. Not that today is the turning point – this past week I have felt more alive and more comfortable in my own skin. Not only do I think it is my confidence, but also all aspects of my life coming together.

Today I am comfortable. I am wearing jeans, black loafers, and a pink t-shirt with the Target logo that represents Breast Cancer Awareness and Research. Last night I dyed my hair – always go very dark this time of year – and I love it. I am going back to the super short haircut – not sure when, but it is coming. Today I am wearing my glasses due to eyes not wanting my contacts. When I look in the mirror, I smile thinking that I am looking at me. Today I have my computer with me – for school tonight. My bag is another symbol of me. I have two pins on my bag (both my sweetie and I are very into pins). One is a pink ribbon and the other is a pin that says “Walk On” for Team in Training.

As you can tell, I am very into the whole cancer research for a cure and charitable organizations scene. I see myself working closer with Team in Training and the Breast Cancer societies when I am out of school. The Avon Breast Cancer Walk is interesting me – 60 miles in 3 days for a great cause gets my blood pumping.

This is me. It is hard to look deep inside yourself and determine what really exists. We tend to blame actions and personality flaws on others, as a reaction rather than a trait. I know that I get stressed easily, I know that I am very strong, I know that I am very smart, and I know that my feelings are mine. No one else can take them from me. My passion defines me, my strength enables me, and my outlook on life gives me hope for tomorrow.

Strength

Saturday Dark Diva invited me to join a dating type-site that includes many questions and tests and determines compatibility. She wanted us to join in order to see how compatible we are as friends, just for fun. Well turns out so far, I have not answered all questions; we are about 73% compatible as friends. This is interesting. I filled out the profile and there is a section where you put three adjectives to describe yourself: I chose cute, intelligent, and strong.

Recently, over the last week, my husband has told me on several occasions that I am very strong. This got me thinking. Am I strong? I guess so. Moreover, I am proud of this trait. I might stress out at times, but I can deal with a lot of stress and handle many situations where others would crumble. I can focus on a goal and make sure that the needed items are complete, and more importantly push through even when they are not.

I think I am a very emotional person. I mean that I feel deeply. My emotions are strong and passionate. I understand that with love you will find pain at times. I also understand that without the pain the love is not appreciated or even re-ignited. Not to make light of any situation, but things happen for a reason, sometimes to simply force our eyes to open and to begin anew.

Weekend Update

This weekend was wonderful. Spent Friday night with friends and all day Saturday with my Sweetie. I weighed in at WW and I have lost 10 pounds. Whoo hoo. I am so happy. Sunday was filled with errands with my Sweetie and mother. After shopping, (grocery and for niece’s b-day) my Sweetie and I went to his work. This was my first time to see his office. I worked on accounting homework while he completed actual work. It was so much fun. The weekend ended with me coloring my hair while my Sweetie put new sheets on our bed – soooo comfy. Overall, a great weekend that I did not want to end.

It is the thought that counts!

Today my Sweetie wanted to have lunch with me, very spontaneous. Although we could not meet because he had an early afternoon deadline on a project. He wanted to chance it, just to see me. However, I said that I didn't want to be the cause. So we had lunch together over IM.

While writing this I got a call from Security saying there is a package that needs my signature. I go downstairs to find a beautiful ceramic basket filled with flowers. They are so beautiful.

With a simple note:

I love you more than anything
You are my world
Forever

This is huge - I have never received flowers for no reason, ie always a birthday or anniversary, and my Sweetie has a bad habit of forgetting to sign his name. This time he remembered. I love this man.

A Step Up

So once again this perhaps should be in my other blog, but it has meaning on the rest of my life as well. At my work if you park in the back you have to go down almost 2 flights of stairs to get into work. And as I know you can figure out - when parking here you have to climb these stairs to get back to your car. I have parked there almost the entire time working here. There is another parking area that is higher than the one I park in with an extra flight of stairs - building is on a hill. I told myself when I get into better shape I will park there. Well, today I did it. The recent weight loss and increase in my confidence gave me the power. I was the only car up there when I parked. It is so beautiful with trees and a trail. Now I know this means I must climb these stairs to get back to my car - and we will see the kind of shape I am in as I leave the parking lot. But the point is that I did it. I am trying to remind myself daily that I can do anything. I am an independent and strong woman and when I put my mind to something, I can do it. I have this track record - school and marathons prove this. I plan to use this determination to help in all areas of my life. I refuse to wait any longer. No more waiting until I lose weight or finish school. Life is now and I must embrace this or I will lose everything.

Wonderful Invention

There is an attachment for the ipod that allows you to listen to your ipod through your radio, itrip. You set your itrip to an unused station. We found out that if your car is close to someone using itrip, and you know the station that they use - you can hear their music. Very interesting.

This morning my Sweetie and I were on our way to work in different cars. He always listens to music and I normally listen to silence so if he is close I will turn on the radio to see if he is listening to anything worthwhile.

Today's first selection was not my kind of ipod listening. However, the second was. Recently my Sweetie and I have chosen a new song for us and this was playing. Now keep in mind that the cars have to be fairly close in order to share. He knew I was listening and I knew he wanted me to listen - so throughout the song I was holding back to let him catch up and he was catching up so I could keep the frequency. It was much like making love - give and take.

What a wonderful way to start the day!