Rock On

First, today marks one year of working mommy-ness. Last year today I went back to work after my maternity leave. So much has changed in one year.

Also my Brother got a job, yay Brother.

I am totally going to get in shape. How could I not with two personal trainers living with me? Yesterday, Sweetie offered to feed Bug while I worked out. I didn't want to go, but was thanking him afterwards as I felt very accomplished. He is so supportive, I am so lucky. Then tonight I didn't want to go again. When is it going to be a habit? But I found Bug doing this:


She was climbing INTO her stroller. Sweetie wanted to see if she really wanted in, or if she was just practicing her climbing. She indeed wanted to go for a ride. I realized quickly that she is just keeping me on my plan to get healthy. I changed my clothes and we were on our way. She was awesome. She stayed awake the whole time and was talking to me throughout the walk. Of course, each cat or dog that she saw received the famous Bug "hhhhiiiiii".

Today I had lunch with Sweetie. When I asked where he wanted to eat and he said "anyplace I can smooch you lots". *grin*

Emotional Ramble

The internet is a funny thing. It connects people from different areas on a daily basis. I read blogs from all over. And I always get excited when I see people from new places hit my blog. We share our lives and grow attached to these people, people we may have never met in real life. When they experience a hard situation, we read, care, and hope our comments help. I am not good at the commenting part. I used to be, but it seems lately I simply do not have the time. A couple of my internets are going through a hard time right now. It kills me. I am amazed that I am moved so much by people I have never met. It makes me feel human. And it makes me feel that my problems, my Graves' and looking for another job, are nothing.

This past weekend Sweetie and I had a great couples evening. We talked that kind of serious couple talk where the hours fly by and the world stops at the same time. Where random inside jokes are created. Where there are tears and hugs but much much more laughter. Where you talk until you fall asleep in each other's arms and realize in the middle of the night that all the lights were left on. It was a great evening. It was the kind of evening that reminds me why I am with Sweetie. He is my best friend. We talk about everything.

I have been very emotional for the last few days. I counted it up to the job search. I hate the process. I hate the interviews, the waiting, the anticipation of acceptance or rejection. Wondering if leaving is the right decision. Then today it hit me. I looked at my work calendar on my wall. Last week of the month, time to change it to the next month (it is a dry erase calendar that I get why too much happiness from updating). September. September means potentially cooler weather, Labor Day weekend, an special day for Sweetie and me, and my niece's 10th b-day. However, September also means the anniversary of my father's death. I will not dwell on it, I know I will post more about it. But I will say, I cannot believe it has been almost 9 years. I think I am more emotional about it this year, and earlier than normal, because of Bug. She is so big and neat and fun now. I love her being a toddler. Well, that and Mom and I already being in the fall mindset. Mom and I are already thinking about the holidays. Bug is going to be so much more active than last year. This makes me miss my dad. He liked the toddler age.

Which also bring me to my B-day. I have let go of any weight goals for my b-day, for the most part. Since it depends on my thyroid and I have little control over that, I am focusing on being as healthy as I can. I know I posted that before. But I am posting it again today for me. You see today is cloudy and was rainy. That combined with me not feeling great, stupid head cold, makes me want to eat crap. I never realized how I react to my surroundings or situations. This is something I am working on. I have been good and stuck to the food I brought today. I feel accomplished. Now if I workout tonight, it will be a true victory. I think the biggest thing is me not being on a diet, I am simply eating differently. I know it sounds the same. However, it is very different. I had an extra snack today - although something healthy - to ward off this urge for junk food. When I did points, I would obsess about the number of points I ate, if hungry I would not eat and end up putting it off until I no longer cared and ate too much. I feel more in control. And if I am exercising regularly and making healthier choices, how can I call that a failure if I don't reach the weight I think I should in a particular time frame.

I am still up in the air on how I want to celebrate. I am thinking part of it will include a romantic dinner at an upscale restaurant.

Credible Threat

In the book that I am working, a large part is exercise. To make yourself get off the couch the book says to set up a credible threat. Much like a child not being able to watch TV until they complete their homework, you must set up consequences. Mine? I cannot get on my laptop until I complete at least 30 minutes of exercise. How long will this work? I don't know. All I know is that it worked today. I did not exercise this morning, snuggled a Bug instead. However, when Bug and I arrived home (Sweetie was working late), I gave her a quick drink and changed my clothes. We were out the door before 6:00. Yay for a great 30 minute workout.

Picture Time

I realized today that I have not posted photos in such time. So sit back and enjoy.
How do I say cheese when I have a mouth full of cheese?

This is one of the roses from my post on Friday - I love this photo.

Harvard will be calling any day now!

Which load does this go in?

Today

I am at work. My feet are without shoes and are propped up. My belly is full of great pokejoes salad and fruit. I leisurely sip on diet coke while looking at 4 beautiful orange roses in full bloom (a gift from a co-worker to all the staff). I am in a great mood. Since I am the only manager here, we are closing at 3 today. I rule. I have work to do. I do not want to do it. I want to blog, I want to read, I want to knit. I want to do anything else but work. It isn't that I am particularly unhappy with the work or my job in general. I just do not want to do it today. So I made my to-do list for Monday and will tackle it then. I am thinking ahead to whether I want to spend some alone time this afternoon, or if I want to get Bug.

Last night's S&B was great. Good food, good conversation, good laughs. Sweetie took perfect care of Bug, as always.

This weekend is pretty open, as far as plans go. I like that. I am not even sure if we are getting together with brother tonight.

What I do know is that I get a couple of days with Sweetie and Bug, and that is all that matters in this world.

OK time to pack up. Have a great Friday.

S&B

What to say today. Tonight is stitch-n-bitch. We will be one down as Cancer HS friend started chemo yesterday.

So our substitute boss, who I pretty much like. Though I know he is slimy, but that will have to wait for another post another day. He will not be in the office next week. I found this out today. Nothing out of the norm. However, I am supposed to hear about both interviews next week. This means if I happen to get, and accept, an offer, I will have to give notice over email.

So I am eating my healthy snack, carrots and string cheese, hoping it will last until dinner tonight. HS friend C is making us chicken and dumplings - yummy.

I got to hold a 6 week old baby today. I worried that it would make me want another and with me being on my meth, I cannot get pregnant for another 2 years. Well, that is one CUTE baby. She is in the 75th percentile. So different from Bug. But it did not bring up any "wanting baby" feelings. Honestly, my thoughts were "wow this is when it was so hard (though I didn't know it was hard at the time) and it is so much easier now. Yay.

I added my photo to my gtalk account. It made me happy. I think it is because of what I am working on now. The book I am working talks about getting to the reason you overeat, eat badly, or don't exercise. It talks about changing habits and lifestyle in a way that you are not always thinking about food. The goal is to be happy with who you are. Not meaning to do nothing and accept yourself, but rather work hard to get healthy because you deserve it. This is exactly what I have been looking for. Now I just have to put it into practice. I love it. Already I am looking at things very differently. A big part of it is that it is not a plan - therefore you cannot go off of it. So that is what I am doing. Instead of sitting for the CPA this calendar year, I am improving myself, my health, and organizing my house and life. Then after the holidays I will begin studying.

Now I am going to go pick up my Sweetie, pick up my Bug, get them set up for dinner and go to my S&B.

And tomorrow is FRIDAY - yay.

In love

Google Spreadsheets

Need I say more? Feed my addition google, feed it!

This must mean that there are others like me.

MMMM flatbread salad

So yesterday marked two years since camping with the Divas. Very funny. So much has changed in that time frame. It makes me smile.

So I had my two interviews today. One is downtown, in a building Sweetie used to work in, and the other close to home. Both would be great opportunities. We shall see. That is all I can say. I hope to know something by Labor Day.

Sweetie was awesome this morning and got Bug all ready for school while I got ready for my interview. He is good like that.

I grabbed a flat bread salad from Quiznos in between interviews - it was yummy and much healthier than fries and a burger.

Now I have a headache. prob because that was my excuse for calling in today. Stupid karma.

Now I need a nap. But I wanted to let everyone know that I survived both interviews. Now I wait. Doesn't everyone know that I hate waiting?

Interesting Day

Well last week I found out that I did not get the entry level accounting job that I interviewed for and the CPA Firm responded saying no to the salary demand. I am grateful for both.

I have two interviews tomorrow. Very interesting. Turns out that I am interviewing with someone I worked with back in my days with entertainment lighting. Small world. The second would be nice because it is an Accounting Manager and that is always nice for the 'ol resume. That and it is only 4.7 miles from home.

I gave both my salary requirement. Hopefully they paid attention. While I am looking, the main reason is due to money. Otherwise, I love the time off and such. So it is going to take some moo-lah to get me. LOL.

We will see. I have no hopes up.

This weekend was nice and relaxing. The best part was last night. I was cleaning bottles and sippy cups at the sink in the kitchen. Bug came in a couple of times and hugged my legs. I loved it but worried that she would get upset that I could not pick her up. This was not the case. She ran off again, came back and hugged my legs. This time she added a zerbert (or strawberry) to my thighs. I giggle, of course. She does it again. It became this whole game of me getting my legs hugged and zerberted. It made me really feel like a mom with a kid, not a baby, but a kid.

Man I love her.

That and falling asleep in Sweetie's arms last night. It just felt so right and comfy. I love days like that.

Oh and I dropped my classes. I was going to take two to defer my loan payments. However, I got the big one deferred based on my low salary. That is right, I make little enough to claim economic hardship. I don't have to pay on this loan for a year. And while taking classes would defer the smaller one, between books and tuition I would be spending the same amount anyway.

And in other good news, I have been reading a book about weight loss and I think it is going to really help. Once I get through it and have a final opinion, I will let you know what it is. But so far so good.

And while the laundry is not all put away yet, we are working on it everyday. Slow progress is still progress. I am hoping to get some done on my bedroom tonight, as I practice my interviewing skills. I really do hate interviews.

Now it is time to pick up my little pixie. I hope everyone has a great evening. I will let you know how the interviews go.

Quick check in

Just a quick check in before I head home. DD spoke with me and wants me as back up for this campaign. I am cool with that.

CPA update. They finally wrote to me. Just over two weeks later than they said they would. They offered me the position. I replied with demanding more money. That sounds like I am tough, doesn't it? Well, I put it nicely that I would need more money but that I would love to work there. We will see what they say. I am expecting a big no. However, the way I see it, when I woke up this morning I thought they had already moved on from me. I am standing up for myself. Yay. Either way I win.

I am hoping to workout tonight. However, I had some very bad neck cramps during the night and early morning. My neck is sore from them. So depending on how it feels, I might just go for a walk and leave out the jogging aspect.

And, drum roll please, after tonight - all laundry (clothes, sheets, and towels) will be clean in my house. YAY. Now I am not saying put away. But we are doing some every night and making much progress. This makes me feel like I have control in my life. The remainder of the week will be spent putting away the clothes, going through clothes in dresser, cedar chest, and garage. ROCK ON!!!! I know it sounds boring, but it makes me happy.

Well, it is about time to start packing up. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday night.

More bitching

So the Development Director here commented on one of our programs on Friday. She wants to meet with me today to discuss it. She asked if I would be interested in this particular campaign. Not saying a straight out no, and wanting to be open minded, I prepare myself for our discussion. I go into the employee files to see what this campaign coordinator makes, assuming it will be the same or more than me, as I am on the "management committee".

Nope she makes more. Not a lot but more. So I look through the other files. There are two people who have been here right at a year, or less, that make more than me that I am supposed to "manage". And the management team that I am on, they all make 10k more.

Now I understand that this is a non-profit. However, when I tried to negotiate, I was told that this salary was set in stone. As the Office Manager, I should have had the employee files all along. Nope, ex-boss kept them in her office and when sending paperwork to home office would put "confidential" across the seal. I could not understand why I could not know these things when other office managers within our organization keep these files in these office. Now I know.

Pisses me off. Want to know why? If I was at 10k more, I would not be looking. I would be settling in and happy. But no, I feel I am stressed and looking for another job. I feel that I am in a limbo. That pisses me off.

On a happy note, Sweetie and I really got a lot done yesterday after the grocery store. Bug fell asleep and took a couple hours of a nap. I went through our closet. I picked up clothes from the floor, and created a give away pile. This is HUGE for me. But both Sweetie and I have hit the point of wanting to consolidate. And although the clothing is in GREAT shape, I have in my give away pile my mustard shirt with shoulder pads bought around 1989 and a pair of stir-up pants that I am sure are from around the same time frame. I did not go through Sweetie's clothing except for the T-back t-shirts that he wore during our first summer together.

While I was attacking the closet, Sweetie was sorting and folding the freshly washed clothing. I am on a "everything in the house will be clean this week" kick. He is very good about the folding - even has a flip-n-fold, or whatever it is called.

By the time that Bug woke up, we accomplished so much. I am taking advantage of this energy and organization streak. Hoping to finish the laundry tonight and start on our bedroom tomorrow.

I realized that I will not be the healthiest that I can be if I am studying to test for the CPA. And I need to be the healthiest that I can be before I start studying. So that is my goal. Healthy and happy.

Less than 3 months to b-day.

1pm

It is 1pm. I know, that does not mean a thing. However, I have only been awake for about 20 minutes. That is right, let me say it again - TWENTY MINUTES. That is because of my wonderful husband. I got over 12 hours of sleep. Now there were some wake ups due to Bug, but still. I LOVE it. I was coughing some right before bed so I took my yummy cough syrup. This means that when I was asleep, I was really asleep. I know they say sleep is important and yadda yadda yadda. Now I soooo agree. I am feeling great.

This week I have been suffering/fighting some depression. Sweetie feels powerless when this happens. So he got up with Bug and did all the morning things with her. I woke up to find them sleeping on the couch, it is nap time. I weighed myself (down 2 this week), changed the laundry over, checked email, cut up some wonderful honeydew melon, and am now blogging. What a great morning/afternoon so far. I have no idea how much time I have here. Bug's naps can last anywhere from an hour to four.

This weekend is nice. We have no plans and we are not preparing for a party in the next week. Seems our weekends lately have been jam packed with activities or preparing for activities. Not sure what we are going to do today - it really doesn't matter as long as I get to do it with my family.

And I am not committing to anything. But, I have been seriously thinking about training for a triathlon. The one I want to do is on Memorial Day. Now the level? I am not sure. They have this cute version called First Tri. It is about half of a sprint distance for the bike and swim but still a 5k for the run. Then there is the sprint and Olympic distances. I think I will aim for sprint or Olympic. Work is wanting me to do it, but I am not sure about the fundraising.

What started this? Of course IronDiva completing a FULL ironman really started everything. Then DarkDiva (who I never thought would even want to do an athletic event like this) completed the Danskin and the Rogue (both sprint distances) in June and July. That got my brain thinking. However, then MotoDiva completed the Danskin (not her first, but awesome nevertheless) AND then surprised us all by training and completing the Vineman 1/2 Ironman. This was her first of this distance. This is basic way it works. Sprint is normally the shortest, Olympic is twice the sprint, 1/2 ironman is twice the Olympic, and full ironman is twice the 1/2. I don't think I will want to venture into the ironman world, but an Olympic distance would be awesome.


** I had a great post but blogger froze up. From this point on was lost. Sorry if it now seems rushed.


I figure I need to start training in January. So my goal now is to get to the point where I can run a 5k. I started my training this week. I figure if I can run the 5k, then I can focus on the swimming and biking.

Because of my knee, and never running a mile in my life, I have to work slowly into this running business. So far, I did it twice this week, it has been great workout. I am working with intervals. It really gets my sweat pumping, but I have not been sore, so I feel I am working at a good level.

Though, I will always be a walker at heart.

Pity Party of One

Pity party time. I try not to do it very often, so bear with me.

This week I have worked out twice and did a bit better with my eating. However, my cramps have been worse than ever. I am getting several at a time and EVERYDAY. They are so bad that I cannot speak normally and it is all that I can do to not cry or scream. I hate this. Monday, Bug had a Dr's appointment. As I was bringing her home, I experienced four cramps along my left side. This was bad enough that I was not able to get Bug's ear drops and was grateful to find a sleeping baby when I pulled into the driveway. Don't worry, the right side didn't get left out, it cramped up that night. Every day is bad, but today I got four really bad ones while at work. I was in a co-worker's office. Both buttocks and hamstrings seized up. It was all I could do to leave the office and get to the bathroom.

And there are people who have it much worse than me. I know this, but it is really getting to me. I don't go back to the Dr until 9/18.

I am seriously thinking about suggesting to go off the meds for like 6 months to see what happens.

Superwoman

I don’t want to work today. I had an interview yesterday. Not sure how it went. It is for an Accountant I position. That mean new graduate. I am not a new graduate, but their job site said this was “a perfect match”, so I applied. I am not getting into the details. Not sure if I want it or if they would even want me. I am over qualified.

I met with six people. I met with all but two as a one-on-one. This was a long interview. Each person was confused by my resume. I graduated with my BBA in 2002. But I was working since 1997. How is that possible? Each one was shocked to hear that not only did I work while attending school (that was shocking enough), but that I worked in Accounting and full time throughout my BBA and MBA. I mean they were super shocked. They did not know how to take the information. They were impressed, like I was superwoman. I left out that I finished my MBA while not only working but at 36 weeks pregnant. I think that would have caused a melt down. Of the professionals that I respect, the majority worked while attending school. This includes past supervisors, my mentor, and other coworkers and friends. For these people to not comprehend that I was able to do it all while maintaining good grades and keeping up with monthly close and audits floors me. I am not sure if this was a good or a bad sign.

Funny

So work has blocked all blogs. Meaning anything with Blogspot in the address. Fine. Whatever. I will work. But I still have full access to blogger's site. This means that while I may not be able to read other blogs while at work, I still can blog. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The remainder of the weekend was very nice. Bug got in a pool for the first time. She had fun. I heard all about MotoDiva's first half ironman. This group is definitely my athletic group. Very impressive. It makes me want to get off my butt.

OK off to take Bug to her ENT - time for a check up.

Thoughts from the couch

Party was a success. I could not even stay up for all of it. I passed out around 4, I think. Sweetie said that last of the guests left around 5:30. Currently Bug and Sweetie sleep. Have to be ready for another party tonight. Luckily, this one is without alcohol.

I have to figure out what I am going to wear.

14 weeks until my b-day. I have a plan for me to feel my best. And I have not decided if I am going to save testing for 2007. I may take the next three months to focus on me, my health - mental and physical, as well as my organization of my house. Then I could take the needed 6 months and crank it out. This would allow more time for my meds to be regulated as well as any adjustment if I start a new job. Not to mention, if I am successful in my goal for my b-day, I will have more confidence, and that can't hurt.

Today is a Tori Amos day. One of those days where her music makes the most sense. Not in depressed way - because I do tend to listen to her when I feel sad - but in a comforting way. These cd's are like old friends. I know some of you understand. This a bubble bath day, maybe I will get one before the party. Otherwise holding my sleeping baby. blogging, and singing along to my iTunes will have to do.

During my nap, well before I feel asleep, I was taken back years ago - not sure when, but we were in this house, so after 1999. It was a fall day. One of the first days where you don't have to have the AC running. Yet the sun was bright as a summer day. Sweetie and I had the living room windows open. Between the outside breeze and the overhead fan, there was a nice movement of cool air. We napped. Both on our large couch. In the background played a collection of arias. It is a memory of the perfect nap. I wonder if Sweetie remembers. There was nothing else significant about the day. Yet, I remember this nap. I remember being in and out of sleep, holding my love, and listening to beautiful music.

I love memories like this. These are the type of memories that make a relationship. While the typical over-the-top romantic moments for valentines day, b-day or anniversary are great, it is the "little things" that stay in your mind years later that are the support of the relationship. Like inside jokes, favorite card games, or a silly language.

Bug is starting to stir, that is my cue to bring this post to a close.

Five minutes to blog

Last night was the book club. We had a good time with some good food and conversation, little about the book as we did not like it. Bug came with and that allowed Sweetie to clean some for the party. That, in turn, allowed me to take a nap this morning after he left for work. Hahaha.

He did get his turnovers. Always homemade, always on his b-day. I have done this for him as long as we have lived together, 9 years. They were yummy.

I am killing time until I need to leave to meet Sweetie and his co-workers for his b-day lunch.

He is having a good day and that makes me happy.

After some last minute shopping for tonight, I will be back cleaning up and decorating for the party. YAY!

Work was good on Wed and Thurs. I love our substitute boss. I also met with two headhunters. We shall see. If I have a great boss, I might want to stay and take advantage of the low stress atmosphere. It is nice to know that I work from 9-5 without any overtime.

OK Sweetie just told me that they are heading out. That means that it is time for me to close. Off for our favorite Chinese.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!!

Happy Birthday Sweetie. I love you so very much. I hope your every wish comes true. You are my soulmate and best friend and I will always want/need you.