Emotional Ramble

The internet is a funny thing. It connects people from different areas on a daily basis. I read blogs from all over. And I always get excited when I see people from new places hit my blog. We share our lives and grow attached to these people, people we may have never met in real life. When they experience a hard situation, we read, care, and hope our comments help. I am not good at the commenting part. I used to be, but it seems lately I simply do not have the time. A couple of my internets are going through a hard time right now. It kills me. I am amazed that I am moved so much by people I have never met. It makes me feel human. And it makes me feel that my problems, my Graves' and looking for another job, are nothing.

This past weekend Sweetie and I had a great couples evening. We talked that kind of serious couple talk where the hours fly by and the world stops at the same time. Where random inside jokes are created. Where there are tears and hugs but much much more laughter. Where you talk until you fall asleep in each other's arms and realize in the middle of the night that all the lights were left on. It was a great evening. It was the kind of evening that reminds me why I am with Sweetie. He is my best friend. We talk about everything.

I have been very emotional for the last few days. I counted it up to the job search. I hate the process. I hate the interviews, the waiting, the anticipation of acceptance or rejection. Wondering if leaving is the right decision. Then today it hit me. I looked at my work calendar on my wall. Last week of the month, time to change it to the next month (it is a dry erase calendar that I get why too much happiness from updating). September. September means potentially cooler weather, Labor Day weekend, an special day for Sweetie and me, and my niece's 10th b-day. However, September also means the anniversary of my father's death. I will not dwell on it, I know I will post more about it. But I will say, I cannot believe it has been almost 9 years. I think I am more emotional about it this year, and earlier than normal, because of Bug. She is so big and neat and fun now. I love her being a toddler. Well, that and Mom and I already being in the fall mindset. Mom and I are already thinking about the holidays. Bug is going to be so much more active than last year. This makes me miss my dad. He liked the toddler age.

Which also bring me to my B-day. I have let go of any weight goals for my b-day, for the most part. Since it depends on my thyroid and I have little control over that, I am focusing on being as healthy as I can. I know I posted that before. But I am posting it again today for me. You see today is cloudy and was rainy. That combined with me not feeling great, stupid head cold, makes me want to eat crap. I never realized how I react to my surroundings or situations. This is something I am working on. I have been good and stuck to the food I brought today. I feel accomplished. Now if I workout tonight, it will be a true victory. I think the biggest thing is me not being on a diet, I am simply eating differently. I know it sounds the same. However, it is very different. I had an extra snack today - although something healthy - to ward off this urge for junk food. When I did points, I would obsess about the number of points I ate, if hungry I would not eat and end up putting it off until I no longer cared and ate too much. I feel more in control. And if I am exercising regularly and making healthier choices, how can I call that a failure if I don't reach the weight I think I should in a particular time frame.

I am still up in the air on how I want to celebrate. I am thinking part of it will include a romantic dinner at an upscale restaurant.