Today is not a good day. The depression is back. I do not know why. I feel like I have a blanket around me, like I am disconnected from the world. I cannot say the right things to anyone. I feel lost. I said I would blog about it. Well, I am in the throws of it. Work has no idea, I can fake it. Not good today. I just want to sit in a closet. Sweetie is set on a romantic weekend this weekend. I don't know what I want to do. I feel hollow, I feel like crying - but lack the tears. Those who know ask what is going on. I cannot answer. I don't know. I just know how I feel. I want to be at home. I want to be away from the world. I want to hold my baby.
I hate days like this. I hate the way they feel. I hate how horrible the depression feels, yet at the same time it is comforting, like a kind of comfort you can get sucked in to.
When I am having days like this, it is hard to be a good friend. It is hard to make decisions; I have no idea what I want or how to choose. I become rude, uncaring, and distant. I was good this morning; I don’t know what did it.
I wrote the above earlier today. I was not doing well. Good news is that I am feeling better. Actually much better. I started on some new items at work, ate some nuts, got some caffeine, and chatted with friends. That helped a lot.
Life is still good. I didn't bite my nails and that is good. I just want to get home and have Sweetie's arms around me.
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