Life

Less than 3 weeks until I am, what I consider, an adult. This is big for me. Not because of any big changes, but because when people ask my age or say "you are only in your 20s aren't you", I can say "nope". I know that sounds silly, but it is true. My experience has shown that the younger you are in my field the better it is not. That doesn't mean I want to be older quicker. Actually, I think I have been in my 30s for a long time. MotoDiva says how she is 35. Always has been, always will be. That is the same for me, but I think I am closer to 38.

I think the biggest realization about being an adult is life is not perfect. This is nothing new, I know. I have friends and family who are contemplating separation, divorce, fighting illnesses, questioning their careers and trying to find themselves. I bet none of these individuals fantasized about these situations being their reality. Not that everyone's life is completely horrible, but I bet everyone's life is different than expected when they were younger, life is hard, and life gets real. The biggest thing I have learned is that no one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. It is the decision to accept the imperfections, to love the person in spite of them, the realization that the situation is worth fighting for. I have lost too many loved ones. I cannot get them back. I refuse to let those I love slide by without me fighting to keep them in my life. Now I am bad about correspondence and vow to improve that. I owe many emails to several people. You know who you are. I am not ignoring you. You are in my thoughts. I simply want to send emails worthy of the ones you have sent me.

Where is this coming from? A friend of mine is contemplating leaving her husband. Who? It doesn't matter who. What matters is that I am here for her whether she makes that jump or they work things out.

It makes me think a lot about my Sweetie and me. Our relationship is different from everyone else's. I do not claim to know anything about marriage. I only know about mine. I only know that Sweetie and I have vowed to do everything in our power to fight for our marriage, not only to fight, but to make it better, to never give up regardless of what life throws at us. To adore each other more everyday, to be each other's best friend, and to continue to evolve - neutral is not an option. But that is us. Our relationship is very far from perfect, but it is perfect for us. The choices I have made, that we have made, put us where we are today. Where are we? Well, we are stronger than ever before. We are working hard to make our relationship forever. Marriage alone does not do this. Marriage is work. Marriage can get tough. We want to be a team that works this on the same side. On this past New Year's Eve Sweetie asked me to marry him again. We are still in the process of planning. Not sure when, where, how, or who with. But we want to renew our vows and this time we are writing our own. Because nothing is perfect, because we see relationships fall around us, because we were only 21/22 when we got married, we want to proclaim to the world, "we are still in this". Maybe this time I can get a first dance.

I am emotional. I am not depressed, a nice distinction. Now do not get me wrong, my intent above was not to put down my friend, to say she isn't trying, or to make light of their situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want them both happy. If that means their time together is complete, I will be sad, but supportive through both of their transitions. If this is just a rough patch, I will be here to offer any and all support that I can. I don't know what it is like to be in their situation, just like they don't know what it is like to be in mine. All I can be is a friend.

With that said, I just have to add that we are soooo into the new show Hero. I cannot wait to see it tonight. It is just too good.