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Today is Tuesday, not Wednesday. All day I kept trying to make it Wednesday. But it is not. Today hasn't sucked. Mood no good, but that is ok. I was productive at work. I did realize something about my mood and eating. I went off on Friday with late night snacks, Sunday with late night dinner of fast food, and on Sunday with some girl scout cookies and chips. Now it could have been worse, but along with my mood for the last week, I knew something more was up than just PMS.

I realized it today, or at least what I think is the biggest part of my problem of late. On Monday, I will go and give blood. On Wednesday, I will go to my doctor appointment. One year since my diagnosis, one year since I left the office crying. I am stressed about this appointment. I am stressed that I won't show any improvement. I am stressed that the medicine is not working. I am stressed that I am going to have to have the RAI and go through months of regulating meds due to the killing of the thyroid. I just don't like the idea of the RAI.

Yesterday, I found a book on alternative treatments for Graves'. I will get it tomorrow. I hope it has some good insight. I understand that I cannot let it go untreated. And I understand that hypothyroid - the most likely result of RAI - is much better than hyperthyroid. I look back at when my Graves' was untreated. Hindsight shows all the symptoms I had, the lack of concentration, things not making sense, and so on and so forth. And I fully believe I am hypo right now. I am exhausted all the time, depressed, and having slow to little weight loss. If this isn't me hypo, I worry what else is wrong. Blah.

I have not walked. But not for lack of excuse. On Sunday my knee was bothering me, yesterday I took Bug to Gymnastics and my evening got away from me, and tonight we went shopping for SIL#2. Not good excuses, but excuses nevertheless. I am hoping to get back out there tomorrow. And my eating has been back on track both yesterday and today.

Hopefully, after my appointment I will feel back in control.