Motherhood

Sunday morning:
I am the only one in my house awake. On my chest is an angel sleeping. On the couch is my husband. In the background is some smooth music. I am hungry, thirsty, and need to pump. Yet I stay where I am. This is motherhood. I had no idea what a difference pregnancy would make on me. Then I had no idea about motherhood. I make sure I eat and drink – I have to take care of myself. However, a common theme in my house now is “after….”. This means, “I will eat after Serif eats”. You can exchange “after Serif eats” for “after I pump” or “after I get her to sleep’ etc….. I am not complaining. I adore this job.

The one issue I have is regarding to my milk supply. I am very lucky to have a great support group. My mother understands. Unfortunately, at the time, the doctor told her when she did not create enough for me that supplementing (like I do) was not worth it. Luckily, things have changed and we know that any breast milk at all gives benefits. Along with my Mom is my Sweetie who told me that the feeding decision (breastfed vs. formula) is my decision. My third greatest support system is my exclusively pumping board. There are many of members who have the same situation as I do, low production and latching issues. While I know this support system is wonderful, I still have many feelings of guilt and failure regarding the feeding of my daughter. I am working on this daily. I know that I am a good mom. I know there is nothing wrong with formula – I grew up on it. I really am working on it.

My boards suggest Fenugreek to help increase supply. I am using this – but not sure if it is helping. They also suggest longer pump times – but that is hard. Stopping to pump during the weekday is hard – especially when Serif needs me to hold her. Another suggestion is oatmeal. However, it has to be real oats and not the instant kind. I bought some at the store today and will try it. I worry about the medication option. You see the makers of the medication do not endorse it for increasing breast milk supply. It is a side effect. There are many women on my board who take it and found their supply to double in some cases. We shall see. I think I will still talk to my doctor, but I would rather increase naturally if possible. However, I refuse to obsess or spend my entire day pumping.

Sunday night:
I need to start my walking. My goal is 30 minutes a day to start with. I need to do this for so many reasons. I want to get back to long distance walking. However, right now that doesn’t make much sense due to taking care of Serif and pumping. I am now 20 less than when I got pregnant. WOO HOO! I have not been this weight since 2002. My first goal is 20 more pounds. This puts me where I was before my thyroid broke. This is very doable.

Tonight I went to the grocery store after dinner to get some icecream – lite for me since I am so happy with the weight loss. My Sweetie wanted to watch an Anime and had our JuneBug on his chest. Since he has to work tomorrow, and time is limited for him on work nights, I volunteered to go to the store. This was my first outing without Serif. This was also the first time my Sweetie was left alone with her. I did so good. I was not worried at all. I even took my time and returned energized. He did wonderfully and not only took care of her but read her a story.

I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Once again, this weekend was “his time” for taking care of our little one – at his insistence. I do not mind at all. I love that he is this hands on – it also means I get to sleep a bit more on weekends.

Speaking of weekends, we had a great weekend. Friday night we picked up the pictures of our JuneBug. Saturday was my Mom’s b-day. We enjoyed a laid back day with family and friends. Today consisted of sleeping in and the grocery store. All in all it was a great weekend.