I love this picture, I know I am a horrible mom, but is this not the cutest?
Ever have a dream that causes you to wake up happy? Well, no that is not correct, not just an emotion, more of a realization. Let me try to explain. I had a dream this morning. It involved someone who wronged me, someone who was a dear friend of mine at the end of high school. The details of the dream, or why we are no longer friends are not important. However, the dream showed my acceptance of the past as a path to where we are today. Even that does not describe how I felt. It was a dream that opened my eyes to my own forgiveness. I thought I had forgiven. However, forgiveness is not black and white. It has many layers. Yes, I had gotten through the top few layers. However, this dream showed me that I have uncovered even more, thicker layers. The biggest aspect of this dream was that I was face to face with this person. I have not seen her in over 9 years, although we have e-mailed more recently. This was my first dream really face to face with her. What made me really stop and think was the lack of anger or emotion with this confrontation. I know it was only in a dream, but I felt a relief when I awoke.
The feeling of forgiveness is wonderful.
I was also running in this dream, this is a common theme in my dreams. I have researched this and the meaning of the dream depends on the effort of the running. Meaning if the running is hard and labored this means that you feel your life is out of control. However, if it was effortless, like in my dream, it means a successful feeling of life and a control of what is happening around you, like keeping up with everything. I am happy to say that all my running dreams are effortless.
Of course, a running dream makes sense with JuneBug and CPA. Also dreaming about past people makes sense. Since JuneBug’s arrival, actually conception, I have had a strong need and desire regarding my family and friends. This actually goes hand in hand with my self confidence. Feeling comfortable in my own skin and with who I am and the life I live makes me feel confident and able in my abilities to keep my family and friends close. It also gives me the ability to see the past, and those who wronged me and such, with different eyes, in an attempt to understand and come to the needed conclusion of forgiveness.
Another realization is that I really am comfortable in my skin. I am overweight, this is true. I have lost 24 pounds since last year at this time. However, during this time I had a beautiful baby girl and I have not had the feeling of “oh I need to lose XXX amount of weight in order to be happy for such and such event”. A BMI of over 30 is considered obese. While I believe the term implies someone much larger than me, the truth is that medically this is correct. I have 16 more pounds to lose before I am out of this category. I cannot wait. This is my first goal. I am following weight watchers to help me get healthy for my Sweetie and my JuneBug (although I have no medical issues other than my thyroid). Now I will not lie, I want to be as fit as possible for Carnaval. I am focusing on this as a goal. However, regardless of my weight, I know I will look awesome and have a great time. My Sweetie thinks I look great and that is all that matters.
I am feeling fantastic today. My JuneBug slept great only waking once during the night. I am so proud of her. This weekend is going to be filled with a party, cleaning the house for a maybe upcoming home appraisal, and enjoying my Sweetie and JuneBug.
I saw this quote today and really like it:
"If your ship has not yet come in, build a lighthouse." Rod Garcia
What I am listening to: Montana by Venus Hum. My Sweetie and I saw her in concert opening for The Blue Man Group two years ago this month.
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