Nightmare

So, I awoke this morning in a horrible way. While my baby was beside me, I awoke from a nightmare. I dreamt that my Sweetie and I were in my Mom's house after a fight. Two cops coming to the door interrupted us. My Sweetie let them in and they came to the room I was in and verified my identity. They informed me that a car crash killed my parents. They said that the other driver that hit them was fine but going to sue because one of my dad's tools from his truck hit their windshield. I asked the cops if I should sue them for killing my parents, he said yes but could not advice me. During this discussion, I was signing a bunch of papers and I commented that I would go to our attorney the next day. At this time, my Sweetie walked into the room and I looked up and said "I am so glad we had JuneBug when we did". I awoke as if the dream was reality.

Losing any more family members is one of my biggest fears. This dream really hit me not only because of losing my mother would be horrible, but because losing her without being able to say goodbye would be the worst. I am very lucky that I was able to be next to my father's bed when he passed away. I was also lucky enough to be able to say goodbye to my grandfather moments before he passed away. He chose to wait until my mother and I left the room.

This comes as no surprise. I only have one more full week off before returning to work, and then September begins. September has always been hard for me, at least since 1997. Luckily, last year my Sweetie and I made a reason for September to be happy, when we re-found each other and conceived JuneBug. The car wreck even makes sense, as it was almost a year ago that DarkDiva lost her mother in a car wreck. However, September is still hard, I miss my father more than ever. I wish he could hold my JuneBug. I wish he could see my accomplishments. I know he is around me, but I miss him. I also miss my Sweetie's father. We lost him only four months before losing my dad. I hate that my little girl does not have a grandfather. However, she is so lucky to have two wonderful grandmothers who live close.

So now that I wrote a completely depressing blog I had better add something happy. I went to the grocery store today to get makings for my famous grilled cheese sandwiches. JuneBug was so happy, grinned, and cooed all the way through. I think the soy formula that I put her on starting Thursday is helping. She is so amazing. She is mine and my Sweetie's everything.

My Brother said the best thing tonight. He stopped and looked at me and said, "You have lost weight". I smile broadly and say "yes, 28 pounds". He says, "No, since the last time I saw you (which was Wednesday), your face looks thinner". YAY.