Happy

Things have been crazy in the Tolleson household. Between Christmas, playing, enjoying new floors, and being lazy, our time has slipped away. Christmas was wonderful. Watching Serif through this season has been a magical experience. She is such a neat kid and so very grateful for everything she received.

Last week was my 24 week appointment with my regular ob. I had my glucose test and passed, yay! Then yesterday was my 25 week appointment with my specialist. Baby boy looks good, measuring 5 days ahead of schedule and in the 54 percentile. There is one issue. They noticed a spot on his liver. They are going to watch and see if it progresses with the next appointment. In the meantime I got to go and have a ton of labwork done. Fun. I know he will be ok, I am just a little concerned. I think he picked up on my concern as he has been CRAZY kicking and moving around today. All has to be good.

I said that I wouldn't worry about getting the room ready until the first of the year, yikes it is almost here. In fact 98 days and I will be a 2nd time mommy. I cannot believe it, that sounds so soon to me. There is so much to do, at home and work, but I have to believe it will get done. When we prepared for Bug we started having "home improvement Sundays" and enlisted the help of MIL to come over to get things ready. Hopefully we can do that again. With work I am going to have to sit down with my boss and make out a realistic plan of my workload and my third trimester. Little things like it may be easier for me to work on Saturday mornings than late during the week, and how I am trying to keep stress to a low level. It will all get done, we just need to keep the faith.

Other than those little stressers, I am beyond happy. Sweetie and Bug take the best care of me. I am so lucky to have my little family. Last night I had a headache so I was resting and Bug kept coming by and checking to see if I had a fever and told me to rest. She loves to feel brother kick her. Her eyes light up. I love it. I think she has felt him more than Sweetie at this point. What can I say, he likes his sister. We received some clothes from a teacher at Bug's school and we are getting more from another friend who has a 10 month old. That is going to be the best part, most of the clothing purchased. That way I can focus on the little things for his room.

Quick drop in

I have a few minutes before I head out and thought I would check in. Things are good here. Christmas is in full swing. Baby has me distracted though, so I must push through and get into the spirit of everything. Bug is so big this year, I can really see a difference in her in the last 6 months. It is awesome. She is my little buddy. We are shopping and talking friends. Her and Sweetie, they are the rough housing types.

I went to her school yesterday and saw her dance class. She really likes it. She might even like it more than soccer. No problem there at all, these are things she must decide for herself. I just enjoy watching her make the decisions.

She and I have next week off. Sweetie has to work, but we plan on having some fun. Last minute shopping and decorating are planned as well as so much needed baking. I cannot wait. I think I am more looking forward to the three days with her than with Christmas itself.

We have been on the go so much lately. Tonight my goal is to clean and relax. I know how old that sounds, but it is true. And there you have it, time for me to go and get my precious Bug.

Staycation comes to a close

Our staycation is now over. Tomorrow is back to the grind stone. Actually, I am looking forward to it. I had not taken a decent amount of time off since Jan 08 for our second honeymoon. I feel recharged. The last few weeks of the year are going to be crazy, but I can handle it.

The floors look awesome. I am beyond happy with them. The whole living room has come together. I have still been taking my pictures, at least one a day as planned. I simply need to upload them. Pics of the living room will be on there as well. As soon the kitchen and dining room are put back together, I will post pics of those too.

This week has been wonderful. We slept late, stayed up late, watched movies during the day, and ate junk food when we wanted. It felt like Christmas break when I was a kid.

Baby seems to be doing really good. He is kicking away. I love feeling his movement. Bug loves him so much already - it just warms my heart. Sweetie is excited and we have been discussing names and themes. Our plan is to get the house ready for him except his room by the first of the year. Then all we have to worry about with the last trimester is the room.

Happy happy happy

Sweetie and I are off this week. We spent the vacation money on our floors, which are done and BEAUTIFUL (pics to come soon)!!! We got the trees up, Bug has her own this year, and they are perfect for us.

Our tree is not big, but it is VERY us. I had a complete adult realization moment - you know where all of the sudden you feel your age and like a responsible adult. With a second child on the way and new flooring feeling like an adult has been pretty constant. However, with the unpacking of ornaments that span over 13 Christmases of our living together really hit me. When we first moved in together our tree was a little smaller and mostly balls with a couple of ornaments showing the happenings of the year. Each year there are less generic balls and more sentimental ornaments. This year the tree is my favorite. We have nothing but ornaments. It simply makes me smile.

This staycation has been wonderful. The three of us are just taking it all in. Shopping, yummy food, Christmas specials, seeing Santa, and many laughs have filled the two days. I just hope it doesn't go too fast. Now if only we can get the computer room cleaned out for baby, I will feel completely productive. Oh and Christmas shopping would be good too. But it will all come in time. I am fighting some anxiety and stress, but that comes with hormones.

I am still taking my 365 photos, I need to update a few, hopefully I will get to that tonight. I also need to clean off the kitchen table of the items placed there during the floor installation.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season. I am truly enjoying it so far. And on the 12th I get to take Bug to the nutcracker for the first time. YAY!

moving slowly but thankful

Currently I am sitting in the middle of heb waiting on Sweetie to return. I am having some pain - nothing scary - so I am moving slowly. I am an emotional wreck this holiday season. Thanksgiving was wonderful. We are getting close to having a name for this little bundle. As with bug, we are not saying names until we are set - we don't want reactions to change our minds.
Today we are decorating the tree. I cannot wait. The house is still in chaos with the flooring and such - but the tree area is clean. I need to upload pics too, I got some great ones of thanksgiving.

So much for posting daily

The flooring isn't going as quickly as I planned. We had to unhook the modem on Monday due to moving the desk from the living room - hence no blogging for two days. A ton was accomplished last night. I love love love it.

Today was my 20 week appointment with my regular OB. Sweetie couldn't make it - the first appointment he has missed. But I had Bug so I was set. She laid next to me on the table while they did an ultrasound. He kicked for her and she LOVED it. She really is going to be a great big sister. I cannot wait.

But first we have to change his room into a bedroom. This means taking everything out that is in there. This is going to be a task. Once we do this we will be able to move some of Bug's furniture into Baby's room and get her new items. Since we have baby items we are using this opportunity to get her big girl items that help make her feel special.

Thanksgiving is at SIL's MIL's house again this year. I cannot wait. Bug and I are going to make some food for the fun while Sweetie and MIL do the turkey trot. I just am not up for it this year.

Today I am thankful for a Dr that makes me feel comfortable, taking time from work, and for rainbows.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will try to get on tomorrow and post my pictures. I have been taking my one a day, just haven't been able to post them.

All things good

Today my thanks focus towards my family and home. Sweetie is working on redoing our floors. We have wanted to for years but for one reason or another did not. Well, my Christmas is coming early. With the help of his uncle, Sweetie is installing flooring for us. It makes me so happy. They didn't get as far as expected due to all of the angles in our house, but I am very impressed with the results. Hopefully the remainder will be done this week so I can start Christmas decorating.

I am thankful for a home where I can install flooring. I am thankful for Sweetie and his willingness to give up a weekend to make me happy. And even though I am having such sciatic pain that I almost fell down today, I am even thankful for that. It means that I am lucky enough to experience this wonderful pregnancy. I just have to accept that I will never be the running around with a bump kind of pregnant lady who is running around like nothing is different, lol.

I am in a great place right now. This is very welcome.

Another

I am beyond thankful for my wonderful and awesome husband. He takes the best care of me and our family. I only hope that someday he understands how much he means to me.

Thankful

I have been posting daily what I am thankful for on FB. However, here I can go into more detail than a simple status message. I am so very thankful this year. Normally I do a post at Thanksgiving. However, this year, there is so much going on, I feel I need more. My goal is to post one a day until Thanksgiving, with a total of 7 :-)

First, I am thankful for baby beats heart rate monitor. My friend DarkDiva gave me hers when I was pregnant with Bug. I used it twice. We didn't have the fear of a miscarriage as we do with this one. Wednesday night we were cleaning for some upcoming home improvements. I found the monitor. Of course I had to try it. Hearing his heartbeat was wonderful. Of course, this is for "entertainment purposes only" and is not a full medical declaration of health. And, if he moves to another area, the battery on the device is low, or who knows what else, you won't be able to find the heartbeat. I know from the expecting boards that this is common. However, last night when we experienced this, it caused some worry. Please know there were no other signs of anything bad. We took to bed early that night trying to remind ourselves that everything is fine. Sweetie and Bug took turns singing and talking to my belly. Apparently it worked, as I was getting ready for sleep, I felt him kick. Nothing strong yet, but movement nevertheless. I left work a little early today and stopped by CVS for a new battery and much needed Reece's peanut butter trees (but that is another story about how by the time I got home two were gone). I came home and with the new battery looked for his wonderful life beat again. Sure enough I found it. I am so happy to hear him. I am so lucky to have nearly twice as many appointments as I did with Bug. I have had 7 ultrasounds. My next dr appointment is Wednesday. But this reassurance is very much appreciated.

Day 6

Day 6
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Shopping Day! Today was a great one. Even though I had to go a little slower - thanks to my sciatic nerve. Nevertheless, we accomplished a lot and had fun chatting.

Now I am tired, but happy.

If you want to see days 2-5, click on the photo to go to my photostream.

Day 1

Day 1
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

I am attempting the 365 challenge once again. Fun fun. I uploaded the first 5 days. My goal is to document my 34th year. Day one began with my 33rd b-day.

This was a present from Sweetie and Bug. I asked for a tree as it symbolizes our growing family.

18 weeks and going strong

Today was the big anatomy ultrasound for 18 weeks. Everything looks good. I am so happy. His heart rate is at 160 and strong. This time he did some beautiful kicks for us. And, yes, they confirmed he is a boy. While the last appointment said he was as well as the 3D scan – I was still concerned that after getting Bug on board with a boy that he would turn out to be a girl, lol. Luckily, that was not the case. The Dr said he is a “fat boy” due to his weight being 6% higher than the average at this age. He had no concerns at all and said he looks very healthy. He declared my pregnancy on cruise control and for me to continue as planned. This makes me very happy. Next step? Next week I get my thyroid tested and see my Endo.

This weekend was wonderful. While Bug and I did not feel well on Saturday morning, we were feeling better come evening. We hung out with BestFriend for a little bit and watched Bug sing on a microphone for the first time.

Yesterday was even more fun. We were feeling better so we headed out for our normal chores. As we were driving past the mall we noticed a big top. Sure enough a small circus was in town. We decided spontaneity is the key to life and bought tickets. Really, Sweetie was the one who insisted we do it right then. He loves nothing more in this world than to make her smile. This was Bug’s first circus and she loved it. The elephants and clowns were her favorite. She enjoyed cotton candy, popcorn, and face painting. It was pouring when we arrived, without an umbrella, of course. By the time we left and made it through the mud, we were a little chilly. The solution was hot chocolate. Bug was very serious through the whole event. It wasn’t until we left and she began chatting away about the fun that we knew she had a blast. When I was dropping her off at school this morning she was telling all her friends and it made me smile so big.

I can already tell that this Christmas is going to be awesome. She is so big. I know we originally wanted our kids closer in age. But this is so perfect for us. She is talking about brother a ton. She offers up her baby things for him to use, is deciding what she wants to teach him, and already naming him. Right now it is Mo – from the WallE.

Happy

I am happy. Things are progressing in the organizing department. Work is crazy busy, but I have a plan. Due to system changes and the audit, I am very behind. Don't get me wrong, I am not being given a hard time over it or anything - I just know what needs to be done.

We have our next appointment on Monday. This is the anatomy scan. I cannot wait to see little cricket again.

Next week is also my birthday. YAY. I don't know what it is, but I am so very happy about this one. Nothing major planned, just dinner with family. But truly that is all I need.

Halloween 2009

just some girl time

Sweetie is hanging out with MIL so it is just me and Bug. We are enjoying some noodles and grapes - we are very simple at times :-) We planned on some baking tonight, but that will depend on Bug. If she isn't in the mood, no big deal. The goal is to relax.

I cannot even express how happy I am to be past the nausea. While I am still suffering some fatigue, being able to eat and drink again is pure bliss. That doesn't mean that I am functioning at full force, sciatic nerve pain has already started and I tire very easily.

Things are a little stressed, but we will survive, as we always do. I have faith that what is meant to be will happen. The main thing is that I want Sweetie happy. He deserves it.

In other news, I am so excited about tomorrow. Bug and I will both be witches. We are going to SIL's again and plan to have a grand time. I hope to get pics uploaded this weekend of the fun.

16 week appointment

We went to my 16 week appointment today. They did an unexpected sonogram to see if they could see sex. The first half the NP thought girl, then the baby rolled over and showed more. She declared that she thinks it is a boy, but nothing certain and that I would find out in 2 weeks at my anatomy scan. Bug heard her say boy and started crying saying that it was a girl. The crying wasn't in a fit sort of way, but very sad. She had Sweetie pick her up and she cried into his shoulder. He, understandably, just wanted to be able to say that it was a girl.

The not knowing for sure killed me. I called the 3/4d ultrasound place a friend went to. I figured if I couldn't get an appointment in before my anatomy scan on the 9th, it wasn't meant to be. Well, they got me in before the 9th. In fact, they got me in today. It was awesome. A sonogram without stress or worry - YAY. Baby was lying just like me with his arms behind his head. This is funny as there is a picture of Bug as a new born with both of our arms behind our head as we slept.

She confirmed what I heard that morning. She stated that she was 99.8% sure that it is a BOY! Yay. We were sure that Bug was a boy. When we found out the sex we were so thrown we took the remainder of the day off. This time we thought it was a girl and once again got thrown off. Goes to show, we don't know much - lol. We are thrilled and happy and excited. Honestly, I am just over the top after seeing strong legs, beating heart, and knowing the sex. I feel like yet another layer of the scared coat that I have been wearing was lifted. I feel like I can shop now, and bond fully with my son.

No worries about Bug. By the time we got home, she was good with the whole baby brother concept.

Happy

Life is good. No cramping all weekend. I had a great time with my friends on Saturday night. Plus my Brother is back from Alaska. I missed him so much and am so happy he is back.

I smiled a lot this weekend. Sweetie was the source of much of it. He made sure I had fun and laughed while also resting. I have to say, there is nothing that makes me happier than watching him be a father. He walks on his hands, dances silly, and carries her around just to hear her laugh. Yes, I am in a hormonal/emotional state. I am simply feeling much love for my family :-)

Next appointment is Tuesday. I will let everyone know how it goes.

time to chill

So nothing major to report. But I have been having some minor cramping. I told Sweetie that I thought it was due to me needing to drink more water. I called the nurse today and they had me do a urine test to rule out bladder infection. Good news, it came back clean. The nurse instructed me to rest some this weekend and make sure to up my fluid intake. Sounds good to me.

We have a crazy weekend planned, but not too much. We have soccer in the morning, a baby shower to attend for an ex-teacher of Bug's, and then back to Gumbos to listen to BestFriend's boyfriend. Sitting, eating good food, and listening to wonderful music - that is my kind of rest.

frustration

I may be the same weight I was when I got pregnant with Bug, but things are very different this time. I am sick just like with her. But I am having the back pain, lack of sleep, and utter exhaustion after standing much earlier. Please do not take this as complaining about my situation.

Sink is still clean, been doing a little housework every night (trying not to focus on what still needs to be done), and trying to listen to my body and rest when needed. Sweetie is amazing and has been cooking and cleaning for me. He is very protective of me and I have to admit that I love it. If I mention any cramping or exhaustion he sends me to rest. My next Dr appt is on Tuesday.

I just need to get past the frustration. I can only do what I can do. I am different from everyone else and need to accept that. My dry eyes have been very bad this week. That is something I look forward to after having my baby - being able to treat my disease. Since we were trying they would not prescribe anything worthwhile. In many ways I feel like I have been pregnant for well over a year. After the miscarriage we knew that we would be trying again with the first of the year. This meant nothing crazy medicine or diet wise.

OK enough complaining. I am happy - I just need a good night sleep :-)

while my reports run

I think I am going to hop over here and work on some more me time. It does help to write things out.

I am doing better. So far the sink has been clean for two days - this is the first step with Flylady. And last night I did my 15 minutes of laundry. Not much, but a huge start. Tonight is more of the same. However, we are attacking our living/dining/kitchen area. We need a new fridge and in order for that to happen, some organization needs to occur.

A new fitness challenge starts this week. I am hoping to complete this one. No worries, all easy going exercise for me.

OK funny story. Bug and I were having a bit of a disagreement about show and tell and getting ready for school. On the way she said "mom, we are fighting". I couldn't say anything but "yes, honey I think we are." She is getting big. The most wonderful and frustrating part is that she understands so much now. She is so excited for baby - aka Cricket. She wants her (no sex determined yet, Bug just claims she is a girl) to come out now and play. We were discussing Christmas and I told her that I want to do a ton of crafts and baking as I want this Christmas very special for her. She asked me why, and not in a "saying it to hear myself say it" way but in an honest question. I explain that next Christmas is going to be very special with a new babybrothersister, but that this is her last Christmas with just her. I just love her so much. She is my awesome little friend.

Speaking of which, I need to go and get her.

me and my brain

I am overwhelmed. It is true. I worry about being able to juggle two kiddos, keep the house clean, keep up at work, and all other things that go along with where I am in my pregnancy. That and even with the 12 week appointment past us, I am still so scared of a loss. And honestly, the last things I want to hear are "it will work out" or "you can do it".

The bottom line is that since the miscarriage we have let our house go. It became very obvious to me today as I looked around and took in the status. I tried to show a brave face, hell I even convinced myself, but the loss got to me greatly. We let the house go, stopped inviting people over because of it, hung out with others less, and clung to each other as we healed. There is good and bad to this situation. I feel we are stronger for it but also feel disconnected from some friends. We have become bad about waiting for the invitations from others but not extending our own. I plan to change this.

I had a weepy day today. I cried and had to really think about things and a plan. We spent the day at a b-day party and then a nap. I refuse to beat myself up for not cleaning when that was such a great nap :-) So what I did was get a load of laundry going and completed FlyLady day one and I shined my sink. It is beautiful. It is a start.

pregnant brain and yay

First, let's do the yay. Today we sent in the tax return I have been working on and that the audit was all about, yay. Big relief.

And yes, the pregnant brain has started. It is real, and seriously frustrating. I made three errors at work today. Two were caught beforehand and one not. UGH. Nothing horrible, but still frustrates me.

Once again, I rejoined flylady. I first found flylady back in 1999. I believe it is a very good program, yet I have to admit I have never done the work. This time I am hoping it is different. I have the 30 day baby step program all ready. We are starting it tomorrow. Wish us luck. My goal is to get organized before baby comes. I know my world will be in chaos then, even if the house is a fine oiled machine.

As far as the pregnancy goes, things are going smoothly. I got sick twice today and had to miss a happy hour due to feeling like crap, but overall that is improving. But the worst thing is sleeping. I know this is only going to get worse. My hip hurts and it is very hard not to sleep on my back. I want to try yoga more often to see if it will help. Sweetie is getting the workout area all ready for me this weekend.

And I do have to brag on Sweetie. Yesterday I told him that I was craving chicken and dumplings, just a side comment. When he arrived home he had two bags of groceries. He found a recipe online and bought everything to make a healthy version for me. It was yummy. The best part was living the full princess pregnancy lifestyle and lying on the couch while he did all the cooking.

Now I am going to attempt this whole sleep thing again. Wish me luck.

down but not out

We went camping for Ren Faire this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. It was cool and damp and perfect. Unfortunately, Bug did get a cough and low grade fever. No worries, she can go back tomorrow.

I am happy to report that the last two days I woke up without any nausea. I think this means I am getting to the second trimester happy stage. The true test will be if I have the energy to clean tonight.

need some good vibes

Most of Bug's friends have come down with the flu this week and last. So far we have been lucky. But today, today when we got home Bug requested we go straight to my bed, snuggle and watch TV. I hope it is just her wanting to take care of me. We have a big weekend planned and I don't want her to have to miss it.

Tonight we focus on resting, hydrating, vitamin C, and a good dinner. I hope it helps. The good news is that her mood is wonderful. Currently she is putting smiley faces all over me.

great evening

Sweetie had softball tonight. This left a girls' evening for me and Bug. We did it up right. We started with some dinner at subway and finished with shopping at Target. She is just so much fun. We bought snack items for an upcoming outing and some fun items. The best part was when I was looking at the sports bras (those who know my daughter should just start sighing now, esp if you remember the "tiger boobies" incident). She managed to put on a sports bra by herself. It was huge, as it should be, but it was just so funny. I, of course, found myself standing there without camera or cell phone. Throughout the trip she kept telling me to stop and showing me how silly she can be.

I know our life is going to change in some major ways in less than 6 months. I hope my girl remains as silly as she is now. She says she is excited about the baby. I know she doesn't understand what it means fully. All we can do it try and prepare her as much as possible. In so many ways having a 5 year difference will be nice.

Happy

Today was a rough and frustrating day. This morning started with a sweet girl who wanted a few more hugs. Then I got to work. It was a frustrating day. This is the last week before the tax return that I have been working on needs to be done. I knew I would have to work late. Sweetie is awesome, he took Serif tonight to see friends as I wouldn't make it. Working late isn't a problem, it doesn't cause stress in and of itself. But combine it with an auditor asking tons of questions and a computer that kept having major issues and I end up cranky. I left work after 7 completely shot. If I could drink, I would have enjoyed a glass, or bottle of wine.

I got home before Sweetie and Bug. Do you know what I did? I went for a walk. Nothing major. I am just getting back into it. I finally feel far enough along to start moving, yay second trimester. The plan I am following starts with 15 minutes. And I have to say, that 15 minutes felt wonderful. I cannot wait to do it again. Now I am sipping some soup, enjoying some t.v. and the remaining silence in the house.

Happy 2nd Trimester

Today, I begin my 14th week and my second trimester. This makes me beyond happy. Hormones are strong. We were at Target, surprise surprise, and I as I looked through the baby isle I found myself browsing and tearing up. I am getting so very excited.

Goal for this month - laundry in order. Not worn in a year, packed or given away. I must make this short, more lists to make.

dry day

I am having a dry day. My eyes are dry, my skin is dry, and I am tired. Not fair. I am not here to complain, but I sure will be happy when second trimester happiness sets in.

I am just antsy today. I don't want to sit still and concentrate. I am making lists in my head about what I can get done and when. There is absolutely so much to do before April. I am trying to focus on the FlyLady idea of baby steps. And not to sound like I am making excuses, but it will be nice when we know the sex. Then I can start really going through what we have and what we need.

Last night was celebration for both BIL and Niece's b-days. It was fun although the service sucked (not eating at Dave and Busters again) and I got sick. Nothing like eating a meal you have to pay for only to lose it. Sucks. But I didn't let it get to me. Well, that isn't true, I was exhausted.

I am hoping that I will feel up to getting some of the items on my to-do list done.

collective exhale

Let's all together exhale, ready on one...two...three ahhhhhhhhhh!

Appointment was great. Sonogram was wonderful. Baby was facing my back and sleeping. Then it turned to look down and started doing crunches, it was so cute. The tech did say that when we go back for our anatomy sonogram tell baby not to be like that or we will not find out the sex. We go back on 11/9/09 to hopefully find out. That is my birthday week, so I am hoping to buy something pink or blue for my b-day.

I have my regular OB appointment on Wednesday. Bug is going to take me. She asked if the dr was going to get the baby out - since I am c-section I have explained that the dr does it. I told her we have to wait. I think she is disappointed. She wanted baby to be a witch with us for Halloween. 9 months is a long time for a 4 year old.

I am feeling much better than this weekend. I have a little cough, but nothing bad. I am just so beyond happy. I was so scared. I had no symptoms or issues like I did last time. But the fear was there. I didn't fully understand it until after the appointment and I found myself in tears while I was driving. Happy and wonderful tears. You could see the relief on Sweetie's face too.

I just had to get on and spread the happy report.

Thoughts of the Day

• My ear feels odd, sucks, hope it isn't an infection
  
• Sweetie's desk is solved
• Chef Boyardee is very yummy
• I think I may get lost in the piles of laundry
• I am feeling better than earlier today - so that is progress
• I am hoping that after the appointment tomorrow, and all goes well, that I will feel up to starting back with my walking this week

music for my soul

Today was busy as planned. Bug decided to be a witch for Halloween. Correction, she decided we both will be witches. Soccer was awesome today. Last night Bug was doing great during practice and it showed with the game. She kicked that ball several times - yay. They don't keep score so it is no win or lose, though if you ask Sweetie he will tell you the score. But it all about the fun. I just want to help her learn healthy habits of exercise and confidence. It seems to be working, even after only a little over a week that included 3 games.

Tonight was awesome. We picked up my Godmother and headed to Gumbos. BestFriend's boyfriend sounded amazing, as always. The conversation was fun, the food was yummy, and Bug was better than I even expected. Three hours at an adult restaurant is not the most fun. Luckily, she had BestFriend and Godmother to keep her happy. And it was so good for me. I needed to get out. Even if it ended with me tossing my cookies in the ladies room.

My nose is stuffed up, I am sneezing a ton, and my nausea is kicking my butt. It is all good. I plan to rest up tomorrow.

chililng

Sweetie took Bug to soccer practice. He is so good to me. I just finished an uneventful nap and now I am trying to get something in my tummy before I have to run very quickly to the potty. My lunch was not the best for baby, apparently. I would have thought chicken and pasta - wait stop right there, can't think about it.To top it off, I have a sore throat and stuffy nose. No fever or anything so I think it is just the results of going from a high of 95 on Monday to a high of 58 on Tuesday.

In other news, today I completed a big part of the audit that we are working on. Now we have two weeks to finish it. Then work will be busy and crazy, but on my own terms.

We have our 12 week sonogram on Monday - the appointment that I have been living for. The only issue is that I didn't receive a call reminding me the time. I hope that doesn't mean that they forgot about me or that I slipped off the schedule. I will stay positive, but they will be receiving a call first thing Monday morning.

This weekend is going to be exciting. Tonight, well...isn't, but tomorrow is soccer, Niece's 13th b-day party, and then BestFriend's boyfriend is singing in his first paying gig. We are so proud and cannot wait to spend the evening listening to his wonderful voice.

The nesting is kicking in. The only problem is that I am still nauseous and exhausted. The result? I end up bitchy. But the first step is admitting you have a problem, correct? So I am working on lists, lots and lots of lists.

OK family is home, I am off to spend time with them.

as promised - pics

Bug before dance class.
Before 1st game.
1st game.

nervous

I am feeling good. Much better than Monday. I had to stay home due to the worst morning sickness combined with a migraine. Sweetie brought me lunch that day and it made everything so much better.

Last night we went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It was so good. We laughed all the way through it. We saw the 3-d version and Bug loved it. All in all, last night was a great distraction.

I am at the point in my pregnancy where I was last year when I found out we lost the baby. That has me on edge. While I feel so different this time, I still fear going in on Monday and hearing the horrible news I heard last time. To cope with it, I am trying to distract myself. I check my symptoms often (to make sure I still feel pregnant) and keep praying. I know I have been distant with my friends, and I hope they understand.

The other new exciting aspect of our life is reorganizing the house. We need to clear out one room in order for this baby to have a place to sleep. We refuse to try to sell our house when the market is so bad. Plus, while our house is small - it is also a low mortgage. I don't want to give that up while I have two daycare payment for a couple of months next year. I see us moving in the next 2 years or so. In the mean time, reduce, recycle, organize. We are on a mission to get rid of the things we don't use. Plus, we see it as a challenge.

And I have to hand it to Sweetie. He is awesome. If I even mention - what if we did this - he is trying to figure it out and make it happen. He even told me that he likes my hormones and mood swings. He said it tells him that everything is going smoothly.

Oh and Bug's soccer is going so well. I love the T&C community. She may not be the best on the team, but she is enjoying it and it is building her confidence. I posted pics to facebook, need to remember to post some here.

5 years

5 years ago today, my world changed forever. The life that I had, would never be the same. This is the day we conceived my daughter. This is a very happy anniversary. We aren't the type of couple to celebrate everything. But the life altering items are important to us. The ones that remind us of what makes us us, and make us look back and see just how far we have come, like looking down from a mountain, baby.

I look back and so much has changed. We have matured, relaxed a lot, changed our focus, and changed jobs several times, lol. Sometimes, it is just nice to look back and smile. Everything that happened in my life led me to this place. This place with my loving husband, beautiful daughter, one on the way, and awesome family. Because of that, I would not change a thing. I have had friends come and go. Even ones that were crappy - I don't hold any anger towards. All is forgiven. I mean, in the whole scheme of things, what does it matter?

Our plans for the weekend are busy. Soccer meet up, two games, and much needed housework. I am hoping that my nausea stays at bay and that I am able to accomplish what I need to. But for now, I am just going to sit here in the silence and enjoy thinking about my family.

Tears, clouds, and beans

Tonight was Bug's first soccer practice. This is a six week "course" on skills. She was the youngest one there and didn't like playing with the older kids. After some tears, Sweetie and Bug went to the side and did their own thing. He had her doing the same drills the others were doing. She loved it. So now the goal is to get her confident enough to do it with the other kids. She meets her team on Friday and that should be good as the kids are her age.

The weather was so beautiful. Blue skies with big clouds and nice cool breeze. Afterward, we went to dinner where Bug ate her favorite - beans with some rice. Yummy. I think it was a very successful evening. Well, except for the bit of attitude I am encountering now, but that is par for the course - wait 5 minutes and her mood will be good again.

I am doing good. Work is getting a little stressed. We have one month to do a ton of work. But that is ok. My back is hurting as well as my hands along with my eyes being very dry again. This is the fun of my sjogrens. My specialist OB told me that people with lupus feel better with pregnancy, but with sjogrens - you just don't know. Great. Not complaining, though. I will endure all the pain I can if it means holding another little one.

13 days until the next appt. This is the one I am most anxious about. Maybe it is good that work is so busy with audit.

No soccer yet

Due to a two day down pour that was more than needed, Bug's soccer game was canceled. That is ok, we didn't even get out of the 70s. It was awesome. We had a great day nevertheless. We shot some video for The Spot Finder, enjoyed driving in crazy ass rain - ok maybe enjoyed is a large stretch. And did some fun shopping. We got soaked after lunch and we even had our umbrella. And thanks to the rain, one video shows the pink and purple polka dot umbrella - hahha. He will look so manly.

Bug also starts dance tomorrow so we had to go and get dance shoes, both ballet and tap - fun. She is so excited. In fact she slept in her ballet shows. I will get pics tomorrow before school, she is adorable in her leotard, if I do say so myself.

The only real issue yesterday was that baby apparently doesn't like pumpkin lattes. How can this be? While I didn't get sick, I felt like I was going to most of the day. The good news is that baby does like Lamme's chocolate covered strawberries - thank goodness. That might have been my breakfast this morning.

I know this isn't a high traffic site. But I want to capture my feelings like I did with Bug. Today is errand day. I am not sure how I am going to plan dinners - nothing sounds good.

Now I must go, it seems Sweetie is dead and we must go to the bookstore to get a new one (very odd game we play, you would have to be us to truly get it, lol).

still hanging in there

So far so good. Still feeling what I should be and doing what I need to do. I cannot wait until the appointment. Work has been busy with an audit. My nausea is fairly constant, but not getting in the way. I am emotional and hormonal, but that is to be expected.

Tomorrow starts Bug's soccer season. This is her first year doing it. I hope she loves it. Saturday is her first game. In preparation we bought a new point and click camera.

Well, I know this has been the most exciting thing on the internet, complete sarcasm. But I am exhausted and must sleep.

I did it

OK I spent the day with the family. I love my family. We are in some ways so very different, but we accept each other and, at least I do, really like each other. Well, I was feeling so good after the day that when I got home I did a workout. Nothing crazy. I did the first trimester weight and stretch workout in my prenatal exercise book. It felt good. I didn't exercise with Bug. I also didn't gain a lot of weight - thanks to already being so heavy. But this time I know I am older and I want to feel good throughout.

So I am feeling good. Trying not to let the fear rule me. Don't worry I am watching for the "warning signs" very closely - I am not completely cured, lol.

Living on faith

As I have said before, I feel different this time. This does not take away the fear of another loss. Sweetie admitted his fears too. But staying with thinking positive we went shopping on Saturday for some maternity clothes. The one good/bad thing about having extra padding and being pregnant before is that I am showing earlier than with Bug.

So I am living on faith, praying that what I want is also what is meant to be. Next appointment is 9/28. This will be the 12 week sonogram. We didn't make it that far last time. I will feel much better after that appt.

This weekend has been very nice and relaxing. I have had some good family time, got to hang out with some friends, rested a ton, and today is a family gathering.

I am hoping to start my exercising again this week. I have been bad and lazy. Well, tired with nausea doesn't help. Hopefully, I can get past that to enjoy the benefits of more energy.

the big question

The big question now is, do we find out the sex? We did with Bug. Well, we had to wait an extra month as she covered herself. But do we wait this time? Could I even do that? Part of me really wants to find out so I know how much of her stuff that we can use for this one. And I do have at least 10 weeks to think about it.

And nothing is set, of course. But this one feels so much better than last year. Yes, I have the morning/day/night sickness, but I am also just so happy (although also bitchy and hormonal). I can't explain it. Also my body isn't doing the crazy weight gain like it did last year. This time is more like with Bug and me showing a weight loss still.

We get to see the baby again on Wednesday. There are perks to needing a OB specialist along with the normal OBGYN - more times to see baby!!!

Now I just need to get past my fears and get my butt moving.

heehee

So we have some news. heehee. I am almost 8 weeks pregnant. Due April 11th. YAY. We saw the specialist Ob on Tuesday - we saw a heartbeat and got to hear it. So excited. Not sure how much I will post, been going to bed around 9 due to exhaustion. So far I am feeling nicely sick and tired ;-)

here

I am still around
life is good and most happy
post more when I can

The one where I start walking again

You know how the Friend's episodes are titled to begin "the one with the...", I am in that kind of mood.

I am walking again. At least once last week, and then this morning again. I hadn't walked due to muscle pain, weight gain due to mc and thyroid, feeling slower than anything, and simply having no energy.

Well, I did it. I did not track distance, that way I can't beat myself for my speed. I know which driveway was the halfway point last time and this time (this time was further). I set out to move for a certain number of minutes. It felt great. I love a morning walk. It is hard to wake up for it, esp with fighting the fatigue related to my thyroid.

The sun was in a beautiful rise this morning - pink and golden. I listened to my lectures while I walked. I smelled the flowers, smiled at the animals, and moved my body.

I am working on me. I am trying to improve each aspect of my life and living by the motto, "if not now, when?" The sunshine has been partly cloudy and I am tired of it.

So my goal now is to focus on eating right, moving my body, studying, and organizing.

Sweetie and I are planning vacations. We both have a ton of vacation to use up or we lose it.

thoughts

Not sure where this is going. All I know is that I need to write. So far I am not moving my blog, I may at some point, who knows.

I did not pass my test. The testing site had a network shut down for an hour, I wasn't as prepared as I thought, the week before had extra stress...the list goes on and on. I thought I was ok with it, well really I am. But a part of me is disappointed, as I am human.

My thyroid is doing so much better. I have been on my meds for 7 weeks. I get my blood tested tomorrow. I hope the results prove that my thyroid is on track, I feel that it is. My skin is not better at all. But no one wants to treat anything while I am contemplating pregnancy. Ugh. That is frustrating too. We have not been fully trying. No tracking, no ovulation kits, nothing crazy, simply not preventing. I go back and forth whether I want to just stick with Bug and no more. Then I see siblings and I want her to have that relationship. But the truth of the matter is that I don't know how long it may take. A lot has changed with my health since having Bug.

The worst part of a miscarriage, other than the loss, is everyone knows you want another. They are watching and waiting for me to get pregnant again. If I am sick, they wonder, if I do anything different, they contemplate. Nothing is said to me, but I know it is there. My boss is wonderful, the best I have ever had. I know his wanting to learn all aspects of my job is his fear that I am going to be needing a maternity leave sooner than later. He would never ever ever say it in that way. And the way I wrote it comes across badly. Nothing like that. More like he wants to make sure we have our bases covered in case of a medical leave needed. He hasn't said anything, I am only assuming. And I don't want to wait, but I worry. And there is that I am scared. As I said above, I am human. Of course I am scared.

I am frustrated by my weight. With my thyroid at a normal range, I know that I can lose, I just need to get off my butt. In an attempt to motivate myself I had my family join the Texas Roundup Family Summer Challenge. The goal is to exercise 150 minutes a week for 8 weeks. I am hoping it works. A little motivation can go a long way. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

The good news is that I am in a cleaning and fix it up mood. We have visited some beautiful houses lately. While we cannot afford to move at this point, we want to improve our space. We have plans for the front yard, floors, and painting.

Yes, planning and laughing and being silly and hard work - that will make it all better.

Still around

I feel inclined to post an update. Not sure what exactly what to say. Maybe it is because my boss is out of town, maybe it is stress, who knows. I have my next CMA test on Saturday. I am not feeling too good about it. I have not been studying. Life, Bug, Sweetie, and work has gotten in the way. It is what it is.
Things are stressful at Sweetie's work. I hate it. I want him happy. He deserves to be happy. All plans are on hold for now. I want to go home right now and get a game plan for him to find his happiness again.
So I have this test. If you remember back I was having issues with my Sjogren's and let the the head peeps for the testing know and they so graciously gave me another testing window free of charge. I am not fully prepared. I am stressed. I feel like I need to study, but sweetie needs me.
I am just feeling overwhelmed right now, and stuck. I want to plan, move forward. I want to get this testing done, plan a vacation, get the floors done. But I am stuck.

Nothing to worry about. I can unstuck myself. I just need a little venting from time to time. Perhaps I need a more private place to blog. Perhaps all I need is some time off.

Happy 4th Birthday!!!

Today my Bug turns 4. I cannot believe she is 4. The time has flown by. So much has changed since last year - with Bug and in Bug's world. I adore the kid she is becoming. I love her more every single day. Happy birthday dear wonderful Bug. I hope the day is wonderful for you!!!
Bug through the years:
2005 - 2006 - 2007 - 2008 - 2009 -

We will miss you Deb!

We will miss you Deb!
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Deb left our world today. She was an amazing, motivating, brilliant woman. She leaves behind her a following that spans the country wide. She had a way with words. In the midst of her own battles she would remind us to enjoy the sun and eat a fresh salad. She influenced me in ways I never would expect from an internet friend. I was lucky enough to meet her in person to celebrate her b-day in 2007 at a small Greek restaurant in Austin. It felt like seeing an old friend. That was just how she was.

Please send prayers to her family, luckily her life was filled with a large and loving one, and most importantly her daughter.

The world will miss Deb. She made an impact on more people than most do in a longer lifetime.

Thank you, Deb, for everything!

And the cycle begins again

Thankfully I received a call on Tuesday that my thyroid is hypo again. I knew it was, but do to standards vs new standards I was worried that I would still be "normal". I am having a ton of symptoms so I was prepared to go in with a fight. No fight needed. I am hypo and back on synthroid. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will feel better. My thyroid went hypo back in 2002, diagnosed in Jan 2004. It turned hyper after having Bug, then normal, and now hypo again. Now I wonder if I will be going hyper again. Is the cycle going to repeat?

My car is going to take longer than 5 weeks. This just blows my mind. I love car pooling with Sweetie. The only issue is that he doesn't have AC and summer is here.

I have been cleaning today. Going through old things. I feel like when I was very depressed in 2006 that I stopped doing some things. Hard to explain. But the closet I am going through has things that I just shoved in there and never put away or used. Kind of emotional and empowering at the same time. I can see how far I have come from that point. I can appreciate the need to go through a hard time to grow and come back stronger.

I am doing good. I am happy about the results of the tests. Now I feel like I can start to lose weight and feel better overall.

OK I have to get back to Bug, she is so much fun and a big help today.

My Mother's Day Gift

Last late June we got a bicycle for Sweetie for his birthday - yes, early. When we got him an awesome bike I told him that he going to use it. Sure enough he joined Team in Training. He began the program at the end of January. He trained and raised money in Deb's honor. Because I got him into the program, and the race fell on Mother's Day Weekend, I told him all I wanted was for him to complete the race. Yesterday, was his event day. He participated in the Armadillo Hill Country Ride. He completed 107 miles with a smile. He is truly amazing. I am beyond proud of him. MIL, Mom, Bug, and myself went and cheered him on. We were lucky enough to see him at two rest stops and at the finish. I am beyond proud. And might I add, he is so super fine on his bike - he looks like a pro. Here are some pics from our wonderful day.

This is Sweetie and Bug at a fund raising event: Here he is coming in for the finish:We are so proud of him:They had showers on site - so nice. This is Sweetie at the finish after a shower. He was on top of the world:My Daddy can bike over 100 miles, can yours?
It was a wonderful day. I am very proud of him.

Thoughts

People who make excuses irritate me. However, I realize I am making excuses too. I haven't been studying. First it was the holidays and then my eyes. No more, I need to stay on track. My boss asked me this week how it is going - I need to get back into it. I am also making excuses about my weight and my not taking better care of myself. Not sure exactly what the excuse is, but it is obviously there. I just am having trouble getting myself in a routine. Perhaps it has been the thinking of another baby, and wondering what the point in losing weight is to only gain it back. Yes, I know that I need to be healthy, yes I know my thinking is flawed.

I also need to get the house in order. This is weighing heavy on me. I am hoping that we are going to get a move on the floors. I just feel like I need a week of nothing but organizing and cleaning. Perhaps we will plan a long weekend soon and get some work done. Who knows.

My little girl turns 4 in a little more than 5 weeks. I cannot wait. I love birthdays. We need to book the location and such. I already asked for a day off from work for our annual celebration of Bug. Now don't be scared, this is Bug being a monster.OK studying, exercising, and cleaning. I can do it :-) I need to make a plan. Yes, a plan - that will solve it all - enter evil laughter.

meds and miles

I started yay on a new med on Friday. It is for malaria. Well, that and anti-inflammatory issues. We will see how it works. All of this has baby #2 on hold for a little bit while we figure it all out.

Sweetie is doing great in his training. His ride is coming up soon, May 9th. This past weekend he rode 65 miles in the Red Poppy Ride. I am so proud of him.

I always have more to post, but get busy. I stay pretty good on facebook, but it is just faster to update status rather than a full on post.

Girl's Weekend

Sweetie left yesterday for a Design conference thingy. This means that I get to have Bug all to myself this weekend. WOO HOO. I am very excited. Since these events only happen every two years, I am making sure to make the most of it. Of course, I am still entertaining an almost 4 year old so it isn't like we can go all out.

Last night we have fun doing some shoe shopping, she is wearing a size 8 - totally amazes me. We are simply enjoying ourselves. Today has been more laid back. We are having crazy rain today. I mean ALL DAY RAIN. I looked on weather.com to see when it would let up - nope like 70% all day long, every hour. It is ok, I love the rain.

Bug's favorite place in the world is at a bookstore. So this weekend is turning into a bookstore weekend, lol. We went to one in the mall last night and another today before lunch. We have a nice dinner planned, I say this loosely as I know a 3 year old's mood can change at a moment's notice, and we will go to yet another bookstore after. I was hoping to go to the Children's museum today - but with the rain I think we might do it tomorrow. It isn't that the rain is stopping us exactly, but I don't like driving downtown on a normal workday in rain and then having to park a couple of blocks away means having to carry the umbrella. You get the picture. Besides we are having fun.

We miss Sweetie, don't get me wrong. This is ony the 4th weekend that we have been apart since moving in together almost 12 years ago. And I really like him :-)

The good news is that my brain is doing good. Did I post my thyroid is normal still? It is. It is very high - which really means low. I am very close to hypo again. Honestly I think I am already abck in hypo since I had the test done at the beginning of the month. I am having some brain fog and my hair is falling out again. But I have no stress about it. I would really like for my thyroid to go hypo again before getting pregnant. That way I would be on the meds and less worry.

I have been in a slump but I feel myself coming out of it. This weekend is helping. I mean, I HAVE to do everything. Sweetie isn't here to help. And I mean that in the best way possible. I think moving your body is important when fighting depression and such. Knowing this weekend was coming my mood was doing better. I have been watching my eating and even exercised a couple of times this week.

Work is going well. At least I think it is. I am getting closer to caught up. Changing systems puts you months behind. I had to wait on numbers from the new system. People had to figure out how to even find these numbers. We are three months behind so if you ask my boss he thinks we are months away from being caught up. I don't think that is the case. I want that feeling again of caught up. I can see the light. The working late I was doing for "processing" is over and now if I work late I can get caught up. One thing I love about my boss is he appreciates hard work. I love to finish things without him knowing I was working on it or surprising him with the detail work that I produced. Plus the part that I am behind on is what I really like to do. So we will see.

Oh and Sweetie shaved his head. I love it. I laughed when I saw him. We have talked for years about him doing it. And sure enough he did. I was completely in shock. I think it helped my mood a lot. Seeing the same thing different can be very exciting.

And there you have it, the most I have blogged in a very long time. And it is all because of Bug sleeping on our girl's day.

Heavy Heart

Deb isn't doing well. Seems she has her third round of cancer. The inevitable is near. It makes me so very sad. Not in a "that sucks" and moving on with my day kind of way, no my heart is aching for her family. It makes me so sad. She is an amazing person. She is full of life, she is optimistic, even when life handed her crap - she at least cracked a joke.

It makes me think of my life. That honestly makes me feel selfish. But I have to remind myself that we never know what is in the future, or what isn't. There are several aspects of my life that I am trying to improve. I am working on having a better control on things - I know, isn't everyone?

I need to not take my health for granted. I need to eat better and move more. No I am not expecting to wake up tomorrow being a perfect specimen for health. I still want to enjoy life.

I can add a whole list of "need to" items. I won't bore you. I have a three day weekend ahead of me filled with family.

I do have some planning to do. I get a girl's weekend with Serif next weekend.

National Start Walking Day

Wednesday, April 8th, is National Start Walking Day for the American Heart Association. Come on everyone - get in 30 minutes today.

To learn more go to: http://www.mystartonline.org/about_start_walking_day.jsp

always my silver lining

I feel green today

Well, things are crazy as ever. We were on a role, car replaced, wash/dryer replaced, new flooring idea solved, and new slip covers purchased as we opted for washer/dryer instead of new couches. Then the storm hit. It was loud, big, crazy. Softball sized hail. Sweetie's car did not do so well, front windshield cracked throughout and back window gone. My new car has little dints. It is ok. Nothing horrible. We will survive. I am not even really bummed about it, a little stressed about getting it all fixed and the steps needed to take, but that is all.

We are working very hard at getting the house organized. We have been here 10 years now - that is so hard to believe. The big push is that I am fighting depression. I have been feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I am not a woo is me kind of girl and I don't want to bring any one down. Honestly, I do try to look in the good in everything. My eyes have been bothering me, I feel like my thyroid is off, or it might be my sjogren's worse - who knows. It is time to get my blood tested, so we will see.

The good news is that I have been back on WW again for a week. I know it is not much, but I am trying. I did manage to get out and walk three times last week. Due to my muscle aches and such I am going back to the basics with slow walks using my heart rate monitor.

OK there is more to say but I need to go and put another load of laundry away. Maybe I will get caught up with laundry, like completely caught up - that hasn't happened in years.
The pics are of yesterday. The first is with the hail. It looked like snow. The streets were completely covered, so crazy. The second is moments after the storm. Everything was so very green. Right now I am feeling like I am in the storm, need to focus on the green to come.

You gotta get up early to catch a Daisymouse

**hacked again**

I'm posting because DM has been incredibly swamped. Late nights at work, full weekends, a kid with more energy than the sun, but she was able to see me for lunch recently and I got to watch Bug play with a new friend and I got to stare at my BFF and rent-a-mom for a good hour. It was awesome.

Here are some photos.

The Beautiful DM

The Bug, pre-haircut

Two little girls playing

great chat

Erin: hey psycho poser
you creep me out totally
please move far away

Erin: hey psycho poser
you don't deserve a bailout
how dare you fraud us

Erin = BestFriend. She is the best ever.

Not lost, I promise

I am not lost. A little distracted, a little busy, and a little stressed - but not lost.
Reminds me of the Tolkien quote "not all who wander are lost". I really like this right now where I am in my life.

So updates - let's get this out of the way.
1) I went to the Rheumatoid Doctor. MotoDiva sent me to her Dr and she was awesome. She ran a ton of tests on me to completely rule out Lupus and check for an antibody that can cause miscarriages.
2) We also went to the OB specialist. He is awesome too, and good looking - which is a requirement. He currently has 10 patients with Sjogren's and no issues. He pointed out that there is a 98% chance nothing will be wrong. I love that. He said that he would want to see me as often as my normal OB but alternating so I would see a Dr every two weeks. This makes for a higher co-pay and all but I am very excited to have at least one sonogram a month. Now we see if it is meant to be.
3) We finally got a new car. Our Rav4 DIED on the side of the highway on the way to trade it in. We thought we were screwed but it seems it had to go over 40 for all the bad stuff to start. So we took it slow and got more than we expected for the trade in. I now have the missy size mom-mobile. Yay!
4) Heard back from the Rheumatoid Dr and test results look good. I still have the SSA+ but expected that. I do not have the clotting antibody or lupus. YAY!!!
5) Work is going well. The late night processing only has a couple more weeks left. I am still so behind but the new location is working out well.
6) I don't remember if I blogged about it, and I am too lazy to check. The IMA agreed to change my testing date to May/June. This makes me so happy. I cannot wait to be done with the testing.

So things are good, crazy but good. I am working on myself - which I always love. The next focus is tackling the house and getting it ready for whatever the future may bring.

*!* Why the universe isn't random *!*

Below is an excerpt of a chat conversation I had with Daisymouse earlier:


Daisymouse: if you are open to used, I get you a great deal on a three year old

Daisymouse: :-) she is SOOOO stubborn

me!: hmmmm
think about the two stubborn DNA pools she came from?

Daisymouse: oh ya, G and Kathy

me!: (smirk) ya so what did you expect?

Daisymouse: she was being mean and I told her if she was mean again I would pop her butt
so she was
and I did
then she said "spank me again, harder this time"
UGH

me!: hahahaha!!!!!

Daisymouse: then I put her in timeout
told her to sit down on her butt
she then did a crab walk type thing so EVERYTHING was on the couch BUT HER BUTT

me!: :)

Daisymouse: then I tell her to sit down and she lays down

me!: you love it too

Daisymouse: hmmmm

Daisymouse: not in the moment

me!: you'll laugh about it on tuesday

*!* Another Post by erin *!*

Ok so Daisymouse hasn't updated the blog again. There's a good reason why. Her and Mr Daisymouse and their bug were busy making deals with car salesman. You can see the loot she drove home with.

Red is so much more a Daisymouse color than green was. It is the new her.

*!* Hacked Blog *!*

Commandeering is an act of appropriation by the military or police (or erin) whereby they take possession of the property of a member of the public (namely, Missy because its been too long since she posted and I can't take it anymore)

Haiku about Missy

What is the meaning
of mouse? Indescribable
silly awesomeness.

Beautiful sunday

Valentine's Day weekend. I love this time, not for the Hallmark holiday but because it is the anniversary of when Sweetie proposed. The events happened to fall on Valentine's Day, so that is when he proposed rather than picking the day itself. 12 years ago I told him I would marry him. One decision I will never regret. He is my everything.

Bug was sick last week, then I was fighting a cold. I think I successfully put it bay.

In other news our washing machine died last night. YAY. So let's count, shall we? Need new car, fridge on last leg, washer dead, dryer on its way. YAY. Good thing we have been paying down those credit cards. I think we are going car shopping tomorrow.

We made the hard decision that I am not testing this month. And I am ok with it. The reason is that I am not up for the non-stop study time right now. Instead we are focusing on getting reasonable set study habits while focusing on everything else.

I have been very emotional lately, fighting depression, not wanting to talk, taking everything in. I am ok. I go back and forth on a pendulum while feeling that I am getting further behind. My job is changing. What I was hired for is changing. I adore my boss but worry I will need to look for another job soon after finishing my certification. Blah.

The good news is that I am feeling motivated to take care of myself. My health is important and I need to make sure to do everything in my power to keep me in tip top shape. I just need a couple of extra hours in each day - or days in a week. Hmmm I will see what I can do about that.

Sorry that this wasn't a more exciting post. It is what it is. I will keep everyone posted.

beyond words

My friend, and hero, Deb is amazing. I thought we were going to lose her, several times. As Sweetie says, she has made Death her footstool. Well she not only is in remission AGAIN, she moved from MD Anderson to a rehabilitation center today, AND she blogged - TWICE. I am beyond words, tears of happiness streaming down my face.

This is the kind of thing that makes you feel like anything is possible. There is still a long battle, but this is such a huge step.

Enter something witty here

So a update on my week. Monday I went to the OB to discuss my new disease and the potential for a second child. Long story short (meaning I will spare you the details of calling drs back and forth), I am Anti-Ro/SSA positive. There is a risk associated with this antibody so I am to see a Specialist/genetic counselor before starting to try. I am not worried or stressed about it. Sweetie and I have discussed the worst case senerio that we will be told not to try due to risks. We are in a good place, just waiting to see the next step. We can't make any decisions yet as we don't know what we are dealing with.

For the last couple of weeks my ear has bothered me. Thursday it was getting worse. Thursday night I still worked out as I thought I was being a baby about it. Sure enough, Friday it hurt so much more. I caved and called the Dr. I have an ear infection, my first one ever. I thought it was bearable but the examination seemed to set off a ton of pain and I had to leave work early in order to take a vicodin and sleep. To top it off, Bug is sick too. Hers is fever and coughing - fun! She and I are quite a pair. We are both curled up on the couch watching cartoons. Hopefully all we need is a day of relaxation. Sweetie is at his training but will be back shortly to take care of us.

I am hoping for some good rest, some studying, and car hunting - through the internet - oh ya need a new car too.

So Proud

Sweetie is doing something awesome. He joined Team in Training to ride the Armadillo Hill Country 105 mile bike ride. He is training and raising funds in Deb's honor. Please donate if you can: http://pages.teamintraining.org/ctx/Armadilo09/ttolleson It is a wonderful cause, and tax-deductible.

He also has a blog started regarding his training: http://milesofmiles.wordpress.com/

migraine time

I am home with a migraine. Blah. Bug and Sweetie are at his TNT Kick Off Party. I wanted to go but there was no way. I am on the couch with covers, quiet music on the tv, a warm compress on my head, and blogging. I know, I know, which one of these things doesn't belong? I don't want to sleep, I am bored. So I opted for the one computer activity that doesn't require much brain power.

So headaches and muscle aches are my big issue now. Just taking it all in stride. OK, no more complaining.

This weekend is going to be full. My car is in need of replacement. Don't worry still following my own rules and not complaining, just stating :-) We plan to look for a new one. We are also going to the Bob Bullock Museum to see a piece of Sweetie's family's history on display. Very Very cool.
And there is something Friday but I cannot for the life of me remember what it is. Sunday is mani/pedi with BestFriend, LONG LONG overdue. Plus I need to get a ton of studying done. I can do it.

I think that is all I have in me. I am going to close my eyes and wait for my family to return. I leave you with a cute pic of Bug.

To do

1. laundry
2. studying
3. toes
4. workout
5. find motivation
6. giggle
7. work
8. family time
9. reading
10. decorating

need a break

OK so things have been beyond busy. I am doing good, though. I have been having to work late and on the weekends. But other than that, things are good. I moved into my new cubicle and it is different, but good. I have much more space and have been able to keep it tidy.

As far as my new disease, I am doing good. I found a great toothpaste for dry mouth and love my new skin cream. When moving into the new cube I found 5 bottles of eye drops. That is when I realized I have had this for 3.5 years. My eyes simply feel like they have sand in them all the time. I always thought it was due to my Graves' or computer usage. I read that thyroid issues and sjogren's is very common. That makes sense as I think the Graves and Sjoren's came at the same time.

I go in on Feb 2nd to my OB to talk about what this means for baby #2. Then I go to the Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. I know that seems kind of backwards, but that is how the scheduling worked out. I tried to get in with another Rheumatoid Dr but his next opening was in April.

I really am trying to take advantage of this down time to get healthier. I worked out twice this week and while my eating needs work, I am trying to be more aware.

Oh and the CMA? What has happened to that? I am still in the game. I have my next test the end of Feb. I begin my super duper studying this weekend. I hope it sticks. I want to be able to take the third section in May/June.

This week was a long and interesting one. Mom got a cat, I adjusted to my new cubicle, gave blood, watched a new president being sworn in, and colored my hair (yet again). I am feeling good today. Yesterday was a hard day, but today has been better.

I was hoping to get out some this weekend for girl time, but I just don't think I am up for it. Something laid back sounds nice.

I think I need a small vacation. Some time to rest and relax without stress sounds very nice.

at least this one has a better name

I received my diagnosis yesterday. It is Sjogren's Syndrome (pronounced SHOW-grins).

Sjögren's syndrome is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks its own moisture producing glands. Sjögren's is one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders, striking as many as 4,000,000 Americans. Nine out of ten patients are women. The average age of onset is late 40s although Sjögren's occurs in all age groups in both women and men.

I do not have the associated Lupus with this diagnosis. I believe mine is only mild. I do have the dry eyes, mouth and skin. But no issues talking, eating, or dental decay (thank goodness). There is some scary stuff out there regarding the disease, but I am not letting it get me down. I see a Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. MotoDiva has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am going to see her Dr.

The goods news is the research I found shows that you can have very normal pregnancies with this disease and it is no reason to postpone family planning. Now we have to decide if we want to wait until I talk with the Dr, lose weight, or start now. Why is being an adult so hard at times?

So that is my new auto-immune disease. I already got the good eye drops (I thought my dry eyes was due to computer usage) and good skin cream. I am prepared. I am going to beat this, just like the Graves'. Exercise and healthy diet have to help right?

AJ is always amazed at how quickly I drink. Now I understand why, I am simply thirsty all the time due to the dry mouth. Thank goodness for sugar-free gum.

I will keep everyone updated. It is all good. I am doing good with the diagnosis, just focusing on being healthy.