Life

My favorite cancer ass-kicking superwoman, Deb.
She quoted Oprah saying "This year my fervent prayer is to be a channel for the deepest spiritual essence of my life. To know for sure that there are no ordinary moments. That to be alive is the most extraordinary thing we know.

To be alive is the most extraordinary thing we know."

I needed this today - another rough day. She helped to remind me that even with this depression, joint and bone pain, and moments with racing heart - I still have a job (even if I am not 100% happy, it is a job), I have an amazing Husband, the most precious baby girl, and family and friends that I cannot get enough.

I am truly lucky.

This weekend, I am focusing on living my life to the fullest. Tonight is an "at home" date with Sweetie after Bug falls asleep. Tomorrow is family day and at night I am going to a b-day party for Bug's teacher. Then Sunday is the Ballet, Director's Choice/Evolution
.

And I leave everyone for their weekend - but first, a picture of my Bug.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Today is my Grandfather's b-day. He would have turned 83. I miss him. My grandfather. My favorite memories include; eating an astro pop with him outside on a summer day, watching hot air balloons, ice-cream floats, long talks, and his laugh.

He was a strong man, a brave man, and a loving man. He was a career soldier, a Christian, and a gentleman. When you walked into my Grandparent's house you could feel the love.

He was my hero. He still is. I miss him so much.

Don't Drink Don't Smoke - what do you do?

song is stuck in my head - hence title.

Did not make it to the gym this morning for a couple of reasons. Sweetie got back from the gym and woke me up. This caused me to start coughing and coughing. I took my oh-so-good-but knocks-you-out-for-hours cough syrup. And second, I might have been able to get out of bed but a certain little person wanted to snuggle me. She comes to our bed when she wakes up. Last night was a 2:00 night and I got a lot of snuggles.

She really is the sweetest baby ever.

Everyone told me that with tubes Bug would start eating. Sure enough, the day after surgery she ate - drum roll please - 33oz and half a jar of food. WOW. I am normally just trying to get her over the 20oz mark. I so hope it continues. Oh and she also got a lot of bites of cookies. A family friend sent homemade cookies to me - to help my stress with Serif. One of the cookies she made is an oatmeal, butterscotch, and chocolate chip cookie - so good. I shared little of that one with Bug.

I am feeling better today. While I did have some bitchy points this morning, I am doing pretty good now. I am working on my workout plan - need a good base before starting my marathon training. Whether or not we are at the gym, this training has to occur in order for me to celebrate my B-day walking.

Dreams? nope, nothing strange last night.

So with work I am battling between staying and starting my CPA study, leaving for a full time job for more money, leaving for a part time job and taking Bug out of daycare twice a week, or staying home with Bug. I know decisions, decisions. Of course, staying with Bug would mean me taking 6 hours at the community college so that I could stop paying on my loans for awhile.

My Endo's office just called to confirm my appointment for tomorrow. I was very confused, as I do not have an appointment tomorrow, and then realized that when they moved up my appointment, they forgot to cancel the original. How funny. I told the receptionist to cancel mine and call someone and make their day by saying that they can be seen earlier. She thought that was a great idea.

OK I need to get back to work. Might post more later.

Ponderings

I am working through the meds, and trying to find a balance between family and work. So , I will use this blog as a thinktank. Much like my post earlier about my dream. There may be more posts about dreams and other personal subjects. Please be patient as I am simply looking for my calm.

Today when we picked up Bug we found out both of our favorite teachers are leaving soon. This sucks. I have looked at our budget and I don't see how I can stay home. But if I am going to work, I want to work towards getting out of debt. I think I will revise my resume and see what is out there. I don't want to work long hours, start over with vacation accruals, or stop carpooling. I will throw it out and see what happens, that cannot hurt.

Sweetie is headed to the gym. He is so good. I hope to go tomorrow. It is so hard to get out of bed when you are snuggling the cutest baby ever.

I did not get to buying shoes. Will have to do it another night.

I am tired. I wonder if I will have more strange dreams. Who knows who from the past might make an appearance tonight in the land of slumber.

But first I must go rinse some bottles and clean my sink.

Rain Rain

We awoke this morning to HUGE thunderstorms. Bug is so sweet, she was content to lay in bed and watch the rain. I love her so much. She is doing so good.

Today is another hard day. I am convinced it is because of the meds. The mood swings make me want to quit work and become a housewife. While that is a valid wish, it is not reasonable finance wise. Blah.

So I am going to get in the gym and am highly considering going back to Weight Watcher meetings or something. I know my eating has been bad, stress and all - but I want to gain control of this small weight gain.

Strange Dreams- actually I have been having some variation of this kind of dream for over a week - I think it is also tied to the meds. Anyway the dream night before last was me with Tim - an ex - a completely non-sexual dream. I was just asking him how he was doing and updating him on my life. He was my boyfriend in 8th grade. He and I started hanging out and he broke up with his girlfriend to be my boyfriend. I know bad. I last spoke to him in 1997 and have no idea where he is or what he is up to now.

Well, the girl he broke up with ended up being one of my Best Friends in HS. She also turned into the worst friend possible. Well, last night's dream was about her. We were at a college and it was present day - meaning I had Sweetie and Bug. I was talking to her and she was yelling. I told her that I thought we should not use any angry tones or discuss certain topics. I don't remember the exact wording but it was along the lines of - for 6 weeks we cannot yell and we can only talk about happy/neutral thing. So very strange. But apparently it worked, we were civil for the 6 weeks. At least I think we were, I woke up before the 6 weeks ended.

Very strange dream. I know it is about relationships without closure. And I know how people stay in your dreams long after they leave. From what I have heard, she lives in NY and is making a go with her ex-fiance. So why is she getting into my dreams? The meds! I tell you they are messing with my brain.

I get to go shoe shopping tonight or tomorrow night. I hate shoe shopping. I need some open toe shoes with a defined heel. Blah. Or flats with closed toes.

OK back to work.

Tubular

We are home. As expected, because this is me we are dealing with, we did not go into surgery until 9:30 (an hour late). Everyone said how good Bug was. It is true. She was fantastic. She was not able to eat from 2:10 (when she finished 4 oz in her sleep) until 10:45. But she was a trooper. The nurse said "good thing she isn't really into food". You're telling me - everyone in that waiting room should be grateful for that. She has an ear infection in the left year, which is what we expected, and the right looked good. After this round of ear drops, we should be done with ear infections - knock on wood.

She is good, wonderful actually. The WORST part was her screaming after waking up from the surgery. She was out of it and NOTHING was making her better. Her cry was one I have never heard and hope I never hear again. It killed me. Sweetie was at a loss. The nurses kept telling us that it was perfectly normal.

When we left, and caught back up with MIL and Mom who came as support, she was fast asleep on her Daddy. We went to breakfast at Kerby Lane. She slept through more than half of the meal. Apparently I was still on edge. The minute I saw her eyes open, I got her out of the carseat, cleaned her ear, and began feeding her. Sweetie and Mom both said that my mood completely changed when she woke up. Of course, she is my little girl. I don't know how parents do it with more serious surgeries.

So what do you do to celebrate a baby who did wonderfully with her tubes? Shopping of course. We went to BabysRus. Sweetie and I got her Easter outfit. We went more practical than not and got a pantset (linen, so not totally practical - but Sweetie loves linen), floppy hat, and some sandals that hopefully she can wear for some of the summer. We also got her toys, which is very important. Right now is the best time with a baby - in my opinion - because he buys the toys that HE likes rather than having to fight with Bug about which toy is more fun.

So, we are safe and happy. Bug is playing, talking, and crawling everywhere - life is back to normal.

Oh and Sweetie made his company bowling team - GO SWEETIE!!!

All I have to say is that he is the best when it comes to dealing with stress. I could not wish for a better partner in life. He helps me through it all.

10 hours

Until we need to be at the hospital.

Today was a nice distraction. After the normal grocery store, we went to MotoDiva's to celebrate her b-day. It was so nice to hang out with DarkDiva (and her family), BestFriend, HowieMaui and her husband, IronDiva, and Mom. We chatted and ate jambalya - so good. Yes, I danced for it. IronDiva asked about training for Motive and we discussed her upcoming Iron Man - yes a full (112 mile bike ride, 26.2 mile run, and 2.4 mile swim). MotoDiva is training for the Danskin Tri in June. It is really awesome. I hope to do a tri sometime in the near-ish future. Other than swimming and needing a bike, I should be set.

Tomorrow will be great. I don't expect to sleep much tonight. I know everything will go well, I am just so nervous about it. She is MY baby, and my baby going to the hospital.

So many posts have gone through my head today. Maybe I will get a chance to get it all on this blog sometime.

I am also supposed to talk to a couple of headhunters tomorrow. Very busy day.

I need to get a Bug to sleep.

Night all.

Quick Hi

EDITED TO ADD: RIGHT AFTER POSTING, BUG WOKE UP AND SWEETIE PUT BUG ON ME.

We are back from some shopping for Monday as well as lunch. Now it is time for naps. Bug and Sweetie are sleeping on the couch. This is big. She doesn't normally sleep on him like this. I had to stay awake and not look like I was going to nap in order for it to work, but it is worth it. When they wake up we are heading back out for more fun.

I don't know if we will get to the pool today - at the gym. I just want to hug her all weekend. I KNOW that tubes are put in everyday on a cagillion babies. But this is MY baby so I worry.

Before we started our adventure earlier, MIL stopped by with a Lady Bug Basket. I love it. Now Bug has two baskets. She is a very lucky girl.

I am hoping to start my working out no later than Tuesday. I figure the weekend and Monday are shot so I am not going to set myself up for failure. But I have got to do it. Whether in the gym, or on the streets, I have to get moving. My meds are totally messing with me. My depression comes on very strong. I know that it is the meds/Graves'. A big part of Graves' is mood swings. Since the medication can take months to even start working, I have to deal with this. Getting so emotional that I cry, is not working.

I am so lucky that I have Sweetie. He totally understands and is supportive. He tells me to take a nap, that he will play with Bug, and that we can do anything that might help my mood. He knows is the imbalance in me.

Last night we went to Joe's Crab Shack. I love this place. They have the best crab legs. So I gave Bug a taste - SHE LOVED IT - like jumping out of the seat and looking like a crack addict - loved it. She ate so much she got to the point of turning it down. I love it. And this morning she had her own scrambled eggs. She ate some and liked them, but not as much as the crab. My little girl, so silly.

I think that is my most insightful post possible at this point. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed depressed. Just get into depression holes with the mood swings. I am happy with life - well still deciding on the job, but everything else is good.

I will work through this, just let me get through Monday.

Will check back later.

Taco Cabana

Does anyone remember the old Taco Cabana commercials? I loved they way the jalapeno said it, Taaaaaco Ca-bana.

I am eating their shrimp tacos and they are so good.

We took Bug to the ENT yesterday. They were very nice. Sure enough she needs tubes in her ears. YUCK. We go in on Monday. Double YUCK. Sweetie and I are both taking the day off. Anyone else who wants to join, feel free.

OMG THAT WAS SOOO HOT. THE JALAPENO IN THE PICO WAS SOOO HOT. NOSE RUNNING, EYES WATERING (yes I had to yell it). And sweetie just laughs at me.

And this morning I got assessed. I knew it would be bad.

I have a fitness age of 38. 8-O

I am taking it as motivation. What bothered me about everything was that, due to my disease, I need extra work to get healthy. OK I know how important exercise is in order to overcome this disease. He wants me to do this Team Weight Loss thing. It is 12 weeks. They meet three times a week for nutrition tips and exercise. It sounds great. But it costs $650 (on top of the monthly membership dues. The good part is that you can get $150 back if you meet your goals. And if that was not expensive enough he is really "encouraging" me to get a personal trainer twice a week - this comes to a nice $140 a week. So he wants me to spend an additional $180 a week to get healthy.

Now I would strike it up to the "sales pitch" by all trainers. But Sweetie went yesterday (according to the gym, he is younger than I am) and they did not try to get him to do all of this.

So this Team does Cardio three times a week. He wants me to do weights/strength on Tuesday and Thursdays. So I am going to do cardio (perhaps spin) and weights - on my own.

Then if I do not have some good results in 8 weeks, I will change my plan (ignore the melted cheese that I am eating). I can always do the class next go round.

Plus I get to pay for tubes instead.

Not so spensive

First, I am feeling better.

Second, I guess I am cheap. I thought our gym was expensive - it is not. I called the nearest competitor. Our gym is only 15 more a month. And that includes a pool you can play in - I mean that Bug can play in.

So that is good to know.

Really hard day

Today has been very hard, so I come here to chat with you.

This morning started badly. Just before the alarm went off for me to get to the gym, Bug decided I needed to be snuggled BIG TIME. It sucked because I had to end the snuggling to go to the gym. She was so unhappy. She did not want Daddy - she wanted Me.
I got to the gym right at 6:00. It wasn't too busy - which is good for future days. When I got to the trainer I knew something was wrong. I said "hi, I am Missy, your 6:00". She was totally not expecting me. They double booked her. We rescheduled for Wednesday. So I went home and got back into bed with Bug and Sweetie. When Bug woke up for the day she looked at me like "when did you come back".
Then she was not happy and getting her ready this morning was a pain. Her second tooth is coming in and it is hurting her.
I got to work a few minutes late - and I got in trouble for it. Blah.

It boils down to me having a very bad depressed day. Nothing to worry about or to call 911 about, just me being blue. I am doubting my job, I am doubting if I am happy here. I am on the verge of tears. I feel beaten. I want nothing more than to sit and do nothing.

And I have gained 3 pounds this week. And while I did eat a couple of bad meals, I do not see how I gained that much. I am very worried that I am already in Hypo - means my meds are too high. The depression and weight are signs. I cannot do anything for another three weeks. So I need to be strict with my points and make sure I get to the gym.

I just hate days like this.

So let's talk about something happy. Sweetie and I went to the gym last night. We played around as I did not want to be sore for my assessment. We did the treadmill and I even ran, without holding on, for over a minute and a half. So I am going to work on the run/walk program for Motive. Sweetie did a mile while I looked at the treadmill's options and workouts. Then we hit the weights. I am SOOOOO weak. We looked at several machines and chatted.

Then the real fun started. We went to the pool. I went without a cover up or shorts. Sweetie kept saying how good I looked. All I have to say is, swimming is hard. Something I totally want to do but will have to work up to it. We finished our workout with a sit in the sauna. SOOOO nice. By the time we went home, it felt like we had a date. I loved it.

MIL read that a lack of vitamin D can cause graves'. So I purchased a supplement. I started it last night. I hope it helps.

So back to today. I am just having a low day. Sweetie is constantly e-mailing me ideas on how to feel better and saying how much he loves me. I am very lucky. I am going to get out of here today - maybe a few minutes early, and get my Bug.

We take Bug to the ENT tomorrow - looks like tubes are in our future. BLAH!

And I just got a call from another headhunter.

Our productive day

It is almost 8, and I can already declare today productive. After a good 2.5 hour nap this morning, we headed to lunch. I ate some fish as Sweetie and Mom are concerned about my protein. So I am adding fish into my lent. Bug ate so much new potatoes - about 1/4 of one. I am so proud of her. That and her bread and she was set.

We then headed to the HUGE and EXPENSIVE gym. MotoDiva said we had to go there before signing up with the Y. It is like a resort. I could literally live there. They have everything. And while some things are extra, what is included is pretty cool. Bug loved it. As we toured, I had Bug in the front carrier. She slept through about half of it - however, she made sure to stay awake for the children's area and pool.

We ended up joining. We have a 30 day money back guarantee. That is very good. It gives us enough time to see if we will be able to utilize the facility on a regular basis. We are most looking forward to the spin classes, pool, and the fact that it is 24 hours. There is a bootcamp that Sweetie is looking into. It is more expensive than the last one he did, but much more intensive and five days a week. There is also a Team Weight Loss program. It is also a 12 week program. The neat thing is that you get a refund if you meet your goals. That is nice. The woman we spoke with said that I might not be able to participate due to the minimum that you need to lose is 20 pounds. However, I am extremely out of shape and a regular routine might help. We shall see.

My goal is to make it to the 5:30am spin class. We shall see. I hope so.

Being at the gym really motivated us. We want to be healthy for our little Bug. So the next step was to equip ourselves for the gym. We bought Bug a swimsuit - so cute but we need to get the next size up as she will outgrow this one before the summer is up. We also got her a pool robe. I love it. I will have to post a photo.

Sweetie and I also found swimsuits, workout outfits, and socks. Joining a gym is expensive. I really like my suit. It has been a long time since I wore a swimsuit. This one will be good for doing laps. It is not skimpy, it is an athletic suit. Sweetie said I look great. It makes me want to work on my thighs.

We had a bad scare. We were at Target. I tried on my Swimsuit. Then we went to this sport store to find Sweetie's suit, and to see if we could find mine cheaper. We went back to Target and I noticed that one of my pearl earrings was missing. I freaked out completely. I ran to the dressing room, hoping it came off while I was trying on the swimsuit. An hour had passed while we were at the other store and I worried it was too late. But I found it. Such relief. Sweetie said I looked like I saw a cat die. Well, Sweetie gave them to me and they are extremely special to me.

The gym likes to do an assessment when you start, to show a starting point. They assign you a "fitness age". They base this on flexibility, strength, cardio ability, and body composition. I get to do this fun filled hour Monday morning at 6am. YAY. Sweetie's is on Tuesday. I have to go first. I am soooo not looking forward to this. But I do know that it is important. The good thing is that I can get this done every 8 weeks so that I can see how great I am doing.

Due to joining this gym, I am not going back to WW meetings - I was considering it. I am going to try to use the gym as much as I can for my results. I will use my assessments as my accountability factor.

Tomorrow finishes my first week of my meds. So far so good. I think it is helping. I am staying positive. This is going to work. I will go into remission.

Overall, today felt so productive. I cannot wait until tomorrow when Sweetie and I go to the gym for our first workout.

let's chat

Last night, Sweetie was sweet enough to send me off to a girl's night out hosted by HowieMaui. MotoDiva and Anna joined us. We had a blast. And while I came home much too late for a great night's sleep, it was well worth it. I hope they can all make it to the next Diva Slumber Party.

Today started with me discovering that I locked my keys in my office yesterday. My boss is the only one with a key - due to confidential information. She was an hour late. This sucked. I could only do a portion of my job while I waited. Luckily, I was able to log into the computer at the reception area and check messages and such.

Those that were in the office, less one person, Sweetie, and I all went to lunch together. It was very nice. And he got to meet some of the people I work with. Plus, I got to go home early. That was wonderful. Of course, I spent the extra time at Bug's school.

Then tonight we had our normal family gathering. Brother hosted. It was awesome. The food was great - snacks. And I did have one bite of meat. My lent has changed as Sweetie is worried about me getting enough protein.

The best part was when Bug and Brother/SIL's dog "played". She is a beautiful boxer and LOVES Bug. Not to mention, Bug is crazy about her. There was a lot of licks and nuzzles. Then, at about 10:30, I passed out with Bug. I could not keep my eyes awake.
Since getting home I have a slight second wind. However, I am already in bed and am looking forward to "sleeping in".

I will speak to the company on Monday about the potential senior accountant position. Mom thinks I am going to get this other job and move on. I am not sure if this is a hope or a fear. However, I received my business cards today. I looked at these cards with my name and title and I felt wonderful. I have not had business cards since 1999. I will listen to this other company - you never know where fate will take you. However, I think I am where I am supposed to be. For now...

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Kiss me, I'm Irish!

Strange strange world

So I just got an e-mail from a company, not a head hunter, wanting to talk to me about a senior accountant position.

BLAH

I am going to see what they have to say, but now I have to come up with a magic number that would get me to leave my job.

Need to beat:
35 hour workweek
15 vacation days
12 sick days
5 mental health days
3 personal days
2 floating holidays
1 great cause

I know they can beat:
The pay.

If I got what I made before, it would be a 50% raise. That could mean getting out of debt faster and allowing me to stay at home when we have our second baby.

But life is not about money.

I hate this. I really like this job. I don't like the pay. But I do like the job. It is not quite as stimulating as I was hoping but maybe that can improve.

And how would I say, I love you guys and thanks for the last 2 months, but I gotta jet?

And then there is my disease. Could I beat it while being in that environment again?

I know I am talking too soon. Nothing is even set into motion. I will talk to the lady - who has the SAME name as my current boss. The resume they found has me at my last job. They might now want me now.

I might not want them.

Commute is less - like .2 miles or something silly like that.

I have a friend who is actively wanting to leave her job. She cannot get a call back. But me, I get a call back when it is enough to cause stress - lol.

I will keep everyone updated.

It is a strange thing to work outside your industry. If you like your industry, you cannot help but think back to those days.

No matter how long I am an office manager, I will always be an accountant.

Picture Time

The last two days have been less than productive - I know, I had it all planned, but a horrible migraine got me last night and tonight is plain exhaustion. Luckily, we were able to get photos at the Arbor last night before my pain kicked in. And now I am going to bed.

So I bring you photos:
Moo Cow one year later. Go here to see last year's picture.
Sweetie and Bug on Cow.
family photo time
The new shoes.
My Little Hilltopper!
Who's your daddy?
Tree outside my work. Spring is here!
My Origami Mouse that Sweetie gave me for work.

Alone in the office

I am the only one in the office. Everyone is on vacation, lunch, or offsite meetings.

It is quiet.

I took my pregnancy test this morning - had to make sure before starting my meds. It was nice and negative. So I took my first pill today. So far so good.

I am journaling my food - I think it is going to help.

Sweetie and I have some running around to do after work so I went home and picked up Bug's bag and camera. YAY.

We are also going to watch our flooring video to see if what we want to do is practical.

I am tired.

I drank my last diet cokes, and ate my last total splurge icecream, last night. Don't get me wrong, I am not giving up icecream - just limiting my amount.

Tonight I start my new exercise routine and flying.
I will do some weights and spend some quality time with Sweetie in our closet and bathroom cleaning and organizing.

Flylady breaks your house into 5 sections. Each day (mon - fri) you spend 15 minutes cleaning/decluttering. You spend about a week in each zone. The thinking is that when the house is at a certain point, this basically will keep your house clean and ready for company at any time (along with morning, afternoon, evening routines, and a weekly house blessing).

Since we are in the initial clean up, and many rooms depend on others, we are doing our own sections. This week is the master closet and bathroom. This means doing all laundry, making piles for donation, bringing clothes from other rooms, and cleaning the bathroom from floor to ceiling. This must be done before the bedroom and that kind of thing.

I am excited.

Stress Reduction

I love this picture.

Today is my last day of my old lifestyle. I am focusing on a plan, yes I am all about spreadsheets and "to do" lists.

My friends and family have been amazing, calling, coming by, doing research - I am so lucky.

I am very happy that the book that I purchased is all about alternative healing. Unfortunately, the non-killing approach is considered alternative in the US. I am very grateful that my Dr is supporting my decision. The sad thing is that the two approaches have much bickering, much like breastfeeding. Those, in general terms (of course), who believe in the radiation, feel strongly that this is the correct way. The same goes for the medication approach, those who feel strongly say that the radiation is a weak decision and that we should all strive alternatives (medication and lifestyle change) before something so drastic. While I do agree with the medicine approach, that is for me. If I was 20 years older, I might be doing the radiation first. You just never know how you will react in situations. So do not judge. That is one thing I have learned in my many years on this earth. Don't walk around proclaiming what you would do. If you ever find yourself in the situation, you might surprise yourself and do the opposite of what you proclaimed.

OK back on topic. So today is focused on a stress relief plan.

Today I am working on my Control Journal for flylady. I have put this off, and put this off. I already have the supplies - bought them back in December. But now I think it is very needed for my stress relief.

My stress reduction plan will focus on:
Exercise - daily! I read that exercising is as important as my Antithyroid medication. I will focus on weight training three - four times a week and walking three - five times.
Journaling what I eat - so I can try and link what I eat with how I feel - next step will be restricting points
Water - pull out my Bubba Keg
Organizing the house - will make me feel better (oh and we found the flooring we want. I am looking for any and all volunteers to help us install it) I am going to truly be flying with Flylady's helpful tips to keeping a clean house - will keep everyone up to date - back when I first tried this in like 1999 or so, I did not keep with it - same goes for December. They say the third times a charm.....
Being Prepared - I need protein snacks, and I get very hungry very quickly - so Sweetie wants me to have something healthy on hand at all times. This makes sense.
Yoga/meditation/quiet time - for all purpose - letting everything roll off my back.

I also have to *shudder* give up my diet cokes. There is a link between Graves' and Aspertame. This is going to be HARD - but I can do it.

Once I finalize my routines for my control journal, I will post them here.

We are going to check out another gym today for Bug's swim lessons.

And I need to look into new walking shoes - mine are much too old for any long distances.

Oh that reminds me, due to stress reduction - we are NOT participating in the Cap 10k . I am focusing on the Bun Run at the end of April and the Daisy 5k on Mother's day. It is about consistency, not killing yourself to meet unrealistic expectations.

Plus we have tickets to the Ballet on the same day as the Cap 10k - I think watching beautiful dancers sounds more relaxing, lol.

MotoDiva is trying to get me to do the Danskin Triathlon. Maybe not this year, but I think I will try for next year.

OK I need to get my sleepy heads up.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

MILF

Oh and I don't have time to post details right now, but I am a bonafied MILF. I have had two men in the last 6 weeks hit on me - and upon finding out that I am married say something along the lines of "damn, someone beat me to it, he is very lucky".

RIGHT THE FREAK ON. I am awesome.

Bowling anyone?

Before I begin my fun post, I will give an update on my Graves' Disease. I gave blood at 12:35 on Wednesday, I got a call at 10:00 on Thursday (less than 24 hours later) with the results. All three chemicals in my thyroid are not normal. So they wanted my decision for treatment. This threw me as the Lab told me that I would not get results until Friday. I thought I had another day to research. We decided on the anti-thyroid medication instead of the radiation killing of the thyroid. I know that we cannot become pregnant while on this medication - but I want to give my body a chance to recover without something so drastic as killing the organ all together. I got my meds last night. The pharmacist called because he did not feel comfortable filling the prescription without talking to me or the Dr. When I talked to him, he asked why I was prescribed this drug. He was concerned because my history shows all drugs for HYPO and here I am getting a drug for HYPER from a new Dr. I really appreciate such service. Kudos to CVS. I start my drug today or tomorrow. I am changing a lot of my lifestyle as soon as I start the medication. I refuse to gain the normal 25 pounds with treatment. The biggest issue with the drug is that you have to take it at the same time every day, under the same conditions. This means if you have a piece of toast in your belly = you should ALWAYS have a piece of toast in your belly.

Fun at last, Sweetie, Bug, and I went to MainEvent last night. He tried out for his company's bowling team. This is very neat. I want him involved. Bug and I played games, got our picture "sketched", and watched the bowling. This was with serious bowlers. There were five guys trying out for only three spots. Guess what? Sweetie got an e-mail today saying that he gets to go back on Tuesday for the next round of tryouts. This means we get to bowl this weekend. Yay. I totally suck, but have a great time. The neatest thing is that Sweetie uses his dad's ball. And his dad was on a company team. Life is very funny sometimes.

They're coming to take me away

I am exhausted. This morning I drove to the beautiful San Marcos (halfway between Austin and San Antonio). I met with the office manager of the San Antonio chapter. The meeting was very helpful. We talked for over two hours. She gave me insight and tips to make my job more productive and organized.

Plus, I got to eat Cracker Barrel’s wonderful biscuits.

On the way back, in I gave my blood for further testing and picked up a vegetarian sandwich from Schlotsky's. I felt very accomplished.

After work, we had dinner with Best Friend and her husband. Soo good. I also got a coupe of books on my disease and Best friend gave me her bracelet, supposed to aid in healing, to wear during my treatment.

It is so wonderful to have great friends.

Thank you guys.

Now I am off to read and go to bed.

Day 8 no-meat - success.

And I let crazy take a spin, and I let crazy settle in

Today – Bug is nine months. She is wonderful. She furniture walks all the time, crawls fast and quiet like a baby ninja, and she has a giggle that can make the worst frown turn upside down.

My Bug, my angel. Nine months ago, she was so tiny. I showed Bug the pictures of her shortly after birth, she loves looking at herself on the computer. She even giggled at the photo of me pregnant in the hospital only hours before she was born. She totally reacted. I love it.

Our day has been so busy.

Sweetie was good at his appointment. The Dr even combined the two appointments (Bug and Sweetie). This was so very nice as the appointments were a couple of hours apart. We did not mind, we were going to go to Sweetie’s go shopping or something and come back for Bug. We were able to get in and get out.

Sweetie was declared healthy, pending his blood work. And while Bug was declared very healthy, she does have another ear infection. We are being sent to the good ‘ol ENT. I hope she does not need tubes.

Now for me, I am not as healthy as my bunch. We knew something was up. I will not tip toe around. I have Graves’ Disease. “Graves' disease is an autoimmune disease characterized by a metabolic imbalance resulting from overproduction of thyroid hormones (thyrotoxicosis).”

"If left untreated, Graves’ Disease can lead to heart problems and problems in pregnancy, and an increased risk of a miscarriage. Severe, untreated Graves’ Disease can be fatal. Thyrotoxic storm is a rare life-threatening condition that develops in cases of untreated hyperthyroidism. It is usually brought on by an acute stress, such as trauma surgery or infection. Symptoms are severe, with a pounding heart, sweating, restlessness, shaking, diarrhea, change in consciousness, agitation and confusion. Congestive heart failure can develop rapidly and lead to death." Not to mention bone density loss that can result in Osteoporosis.

I, basically, have two options. I can take mediation for two years. This could (30% chance) correct my disease and put me into remission. This medicine is not healthy for pregnancy. However, I have read on several sites that if you do become pregnant, there is a dosage that will not hurt the fetus. Although if we take this option, we will make sure to be as safe as possible and postpone our second child. The side effects are Hepatitis, low white blood cells, low red blood cells, joint pain, and itchiness. While these are not common, it is still scary.

The second option, the one my Dr is leaning towards, is radioactive iodine. This one pill, what I took for my scan except in a higher dosage, would essentially kill my thyroid. KILL IT. This scares the crap out of me. I did a lot of research and it seems that you can retain your fertility after this treatment. However, many sites say this is for women past their child rearing years.

The other part that scares me is that I would never again have a functioning thyroid, if the radiation works. The doctor said that I WILL gain weight. I hate this. Not only for vanity reasons, because I admit to those. But I am so close to being in a healthy weight range. I worry that with the next pregnancy I will gain a normal amount of weight, will not be able to get it off, and then have risks of heart disease and osteoporosis (just like with Graves’ Disease) associated with obesity. I would also be on medication for the rest of my life, as I would be in a permanent state of hypothyroidism.

I don’t mind being on medication – ok I don’t like it – but I can live with it. My thyroid “broke” back in 2002, I was diagnosed with a Hypothyroid in the beginning of 2004. I was hypo throughout my pregnancy (and never even had to adjust my medication). Nevertheless, just like how Bug was Breech at week 36 and 37 weeks but flipped at 38, she also flipped my thyroid. After my c-section, I became hyper.

That is why this is an even harder decision to make. Thyroid flipping from hypo to hyper (hypo is where you have trouble losing weight and hyper is where you –in theory – lose too fast) is very rare. The odds of it happening at all is very rare. However, it could flip back. There is no way to know what a second pregnancy will do to my thyroid.

I would hate to do the radiation when my body could correct itself.

Sweetie was with me at the appointment, as well as Bug. I was pretty shaken after. The Dr told me that it is my decision, but she is pushing the killing of my thyroid. We went to breakfast at Kerby Lane and discussed our options. Then, in between appointments, I began my googling of the disease.

We are in agreement. I am going to do a little more research into the medication option. If after the two years it is not corrected, radiation might be the answer. We just do not feel that it is a good first approach.

Sweetie then declared our focus on being healthy. I think this sounds great. There is not a food or herbal cure. However, being healthier could not hurt. We cannot help but believe that a healthier lifestyle could help the medicine. Afterall, this no-meat lent is helping in the “being aware” of our food intake. He is so wonderful.

We did get some green supplements today – we shall see if this helps my energy level.

And since thyroid storm is a risk – “Common clinical presentation includes fever, tachycardia, neurologic abnormalities, and hypertension, followed by hypotension and shock. Because thyroid storm is invariably fatal if left untreated, rapid diagnosis and aggressive treatment are critical.”

This is normally caused by stress or a stressful event. While thyroid storm is rare, so is Graves’ disease. We do not want to temp fate. So, we are also working on reducing my stress level. I am postponing the CPA until my treatment plan is underway – regardless of the option we choose.

What I am doing is focusing on being healthy – continuing my walking and organizing the house. I want to make my lifestyle healthy before taking back on the task of studying.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to have a diagnosis. I know there are MUCH MUCH worse things to hear from the Dr. I will overcome this.

Just to add, if you discover a disease and your name is anything like Graves – do not name it after yourself. Name it something nice – not after your name when your name means a place for a DEAD body to live ;-)

I must get to bed. I have a long drive tomorrow for my meeting. I also have to give blood first thing in the morning for further thyroid tests.

In case anyone is wondering –
The most common symptoms of Graves’ Disease:
• trouble sleeping - yep
• fatigue - yep
• trouble getting pregnant
• frequent bowel movements
• irritability - yep
• weight loss without dieting - yep
• heat sensitivity – yep (more than normal, still like my blankets)
• increased sweating
• muscular weakness
• changes in vision or how your eyes look – yep (in vision – not how my eyes look)
• lighter menstrual flow
• rapid heart beat - yep
• hand tremors

I'd like to buy a vowel..

The solution to the puzzle is an endocrinologist. Sounds scary huh?

I called my Dr for my results - the NP says "you need to see an endocrinologist". That is not good. I know why - my lopsided butterfly - did you know your thyroid is shaped like a butterfly?

So I call the referred Dr. They cannot get me in until the 30th, but will let me know if they have a cancellation. They did not have my paperwork at the time of making the appointment as my Dr needed to fax it over.

Two hours later I get a call - "Missy you are not going to believe it, we had a cancellation first thing tomorrow morning at 8:45, with an 8:15 arrival."

OK you are right, I don't believe it. She then says "Is your Dr faxing your information..oh yes, here it is".

OK I am not paranoid. I even spoke with a co-worker who is a Dr's daughter. They received my fax, saw my situation, and wanted me sooner than the 30th. I do not buy into the situation that I, who scheduled my appointment a mere 2 hours earlier for weeks away, was the lucky patient drawn to get the newly open appointment time.

Now with that in mind, I am not freaking out. I think that all I need is medicine. I am simply relieved that I can get in soon. If it was really bad I would have been told to go directly to the hospital.

So tomorrow is a Dr day for the Missy's World household. We have me in the morning, Sweetie at lunch (first check up since 1997), and Bug in the afternoon for her 9 month appointment. Sweetie and I are both taking the day off, for support and enjoying some time together.

Then Wednesday I have my first breakfast meeting. I was a little worried when I heard it is at Cracker Barrel. But then Sweetie reminded me that it IS breakfast - pancakes and all. I pulled up the menu and am looking forward to my meatless breakfast meeting with another Chapter's office manager.

Now I need to sleep, my appointment means getting up and going at normal time.

I will keep everyone updated.

In Summary

I should be cleaning the kitchen. I should be cleaning bottles. But I am not, I am blogging.

To be fair, I am also snuggling a lavender scented Bug.

My weekend consisted of, in no particular order:

Grocery store, donuts, sleeping, snuggling, playing, checking out the Y, playing on the playground and going down a slide with Bug, watching Sweetie go down a bigger slide with Bug, Spending time with Brother and Mom, buying Bug's first shoes (they have butterflies on them), being told that my petite little girl (shoe size 2.5) should be a 4 (I knew what the saleswoman meant - just don't say it like that), watching corpse bride (very good but Nightmare is still the bomb), eating healthy in the mall, walking 3.4 miles with Sweetie and Bug, cleaning Bug's room, washing our slip covers, changing our bed (jersey sheets), giving Bug a big bubble bath, painting my toe and finger nails, family nap, starting the plans for Bug's 1st b-day party, continuing plans for vacation, random kisses, random hugs, watching Bug crawl from her room to the living room TV and back - longest trek yet, carrying Bug in the front carrier through the mall, giving Sweetie his first Boca Burger - and he liked it, completed day 4&5 of no-meat, watching the Academy Awards, and being surprised by Sweetie with a vanilla latte - yum (it's the little things, you know).

Wow that was a lot.

And a closing thought, I saw a girl wearing high heels, a mini skirt, and LEG WARMERS - black ones that were thick. Has this come back in style? Please tell me no.

Scanning the Blues

I came, I saw, I scanned.

It was not bad. My head was in the open. I got pictures taken. I said this is all happening because my thyroid wants to be a model. The tech, cool chick, said that it was thyroid Glamour Shots and that at the end I could choose between wallets or 8 1/2 x 11. HaHa.

I even listened to some cool blues music during the scan. After I said I liked it, she said she has more suitable patient music, but thought I was cool and kept her music on. I got the name and will buy a CD.

She showed me the results, not sure she was supposed to. Luckily, I am not the type to freak out.

The right side of my thyroid is about three times larger than the left. No, No, we are not worrying.

Everything is ok, I said so. I cannot do anything until I see the doctor, so I am going to focus on being healthy.

Tomorrow is supposed to be me and the HS friends at my house drinking and talking. I like these girls. And while I say that I am not worried, I am a little. I am not all together looking forward to this. I want to be with Sweetie, I want to sleep. I want to be productive, I want to be active.

I am going to finish this post and close the computer for the weekend - don't want to give in and do any googles regarding thyroids.

So I will leave you with some tidbits about today.

I am currently reading “Fat Girl”
I had icecream for breakfast
Icecream does not keep you going for long
I eat emotionally
Three days without meat – a success
I took Sweetie his lunch today
Then mom and I got Bug and went to the Arbor
We talked and ate icecream – I know twice
Bug and I used a photo booth
We are planning a vacation
We are cleaning and cleaning and cleaning tomorrow
And going to the YMCA to check out infant swim lessons
When I am worried – although I say I am not – all I want is to hang out with Sweetie
That is all I want for tomorrow
And a walk
I hope to get in three miles tomorrow
And studying would be nice

Now it is time for bed.

Goodnight.

SPF

First things first, I got my pill of radioactive material. I go in tomorrow for the scan. Wish me luck.

Now for SPF. Kristine tells us what to take pictures of and we do it.

Favorite Jeans: I love these jeans. They fit good and feel good - and were only $20. I know, I know. I am just not a name brand girl.

Freckle: First of all, NO comments on my bad manicure. The point is the cute little freckle on my little toe.

Photo album: This is where I have my photos.

Where I want to organize my photos.

LIES ALL LIES

My whole world changed yesterday. It started with a discussion yesterday with a co-worker. This made me think. I needed to get to the bottom of things, I needed the truth, I needed confirmation.

I cannot tolerate lies.

Last night we did not go to church due to me having a migraine. Instead we went to dinner. The dinner was a nice distraction, but my mind kept going to the issue.

When we got home, and settled, we began the important discussion. We went back and forth, looking at the facts, trying to keep emotions aside. But how could I? My whole world was changing. I kept my disbelief. I held on to the fairy tale.

How can I accept something that I have known for almost a decade and a half to be a lie?

Sweetie was honest with me, I appreciate that. He knew that while it hurt to be told the truth, in the long run it was better for me, better for us.

I am posting this to make it real.

I am posting this so my friends and family are aware of the situation and can help during this difficult time.

As of last night the definition of myself changed. Before, I defined myself as a 29 year old woman, a long distance walker, 5’0”, happily married, and a mother to one.

This is no longer true. This is now a lie. A lie that I can no longer take. The definition of myself will never be the same again. Life will never be the same again.

I am still a 29 year old woman.

I am still a long distance walker.

I am still mother to the cutest Bug around.

And I am still happily married.

However, I am not 5’0”.

We measured, re-measured, changed rooms, changed walls. Finally we settled for the answer with the pantry door. Sweetie even used a level.

I am 4’11 ¾”.

I am under 5’0”

So the real question is, did I shrink or was I always wrong about my height? My grandmother shrunk a lot due to osteoporosis. However, I am UNDER 30. I should not be shrinking. I wore pants yesterday that I had not worn since 2001/2002. They did not fit longer than back then.

Regardless, I think I will up my calcium intact, just on the safe side.

My name is Missy and I am under 5’0”.

Of course my Sweetie LOVES it. He loves me being short, it was the first thing that caught his eye. He said he loves me more now that I am shorter, silly guy.

Today I go in and get radioactive. I will keep everyone updated.

F'ing Blogger

Post - gone - recovery not working. I am pissed.

Day one - no meat

So far so good. Of course, I normally do not eat meat with breakfast, so that was not different. And for lunch I packed Sweetie and me Amy's Burritos. SOOO good. I last had Amy's around 1999 - and was not very impressed. This was very tasty. So very tastey. I also had Lays Potato chips and 2 oreo cookies.

But my concern was Sweetie. He is a great guy and will eat ANYTHING I put in from of him as long as it does not have avocado. But one of his favorite dishes of mine is "Missy mess". This is ground turkey, black beans, diced tomatoes, corn, and rice. Thus, I was a little surprised when he came up with the meatless lent. I was not completely shocked. We have a couple of Vegetarian friends and have always wondered about what it would be like to adapt that kind of lifestyle. Of course, our love for burgers and steaks kept us from attempting it. I like this way. There is a time limit, I can see the end, and if we decide to go back to eating meat, we will still be "successful" because we completed lent.

OK back to the point, lol. I ate lunch before Sweetie and I told him how good the burrito was. A couple of hours later I receive this in an e-mail,

I am going to get fat on this Lent.
That burrito was ridiculously tasty and I want more. I would end up eating twice my weight in those if they were available...

I guess he liked it.

Tonight is church - Ash Wednesday and all.

Tomorrow we are having Cheese pizza - yummy. Last night we bought "Rent" and "Lady and the Tramp". A movie night sounds fantastic.

OK bak to work.