And the cycle begins again

Thankfully I received a call on Tuesday that my thyroid is hypo again. I knew it was, but do to standards vs new standards I was worried that I would still be "normal". I am having a ton of symptoms so I was prepared to go in with a fight. No fight needed. I am hypo and back on synthroid. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will feel better. My thyroid went hypo back in 2002, diagnosed in Jan 2004. It turned hyper after having Bug, then normal, and now hypo again. Now I wonder if I will be going hyper again. Is the cycle going to repeat?

My car is going to take longer than 5 weeks. This just blows my mind. I love car pooling with Sweetie. The only issue is that he doesn't have AC and summer is here.

I have been cleaning today. Going through old things. I feel like when I was very depressed in 2006 that I stopped doing some things. Hard to explain. But the closet I am going through has things that I just shoved in there and never put away or used. Kind of emotional and empowering at the same time. I can see how far I have come from that point. I can appreciate the need to go through a hard time to grow and come back stronger.

I am doing good. I am happy about the results of the tests. Now I feel like I can start to lose weight and feel better overall.

OK I have to get back to Bug, she is so much fun and a big help today.

My Mother's Day Gift

Last late June we got a bicycle for Sweetie for his birthday - yes, early. When we got him an awesome bike I told him that he going to use it. Sure enough he joined Team in Training. He began the program at the end of January. He trained and raised money in Deb's honor. Because I got him into the program, and the race fell on Mother's Day Weekend, I told him all I wanted was for him to complete the race. Yesterday, was his event day. He participated in the Armadillo Hill Country Ride. He completed 107 miles with a smile. He is truly amazing. I am beyond proud of him. MIL, Mom, Bug, and myself went and cheered him on. We were lucky enough to see him at two rest stops and at the finish. I am beyond proud. And might I add, he is so super fine on his bike - he looks like a pro. Here are some pics from our wonderful day.

This is Sweetie and Bug at a fund raising event: Here he is coming in for the finish:We are so proud of him:They had showers on site - so nice. This is Sweetie at the finish after a shower. He was on top of the world:My Daddy can bike over 100 miles, can yours?
It was a wonderful day. I am very proud of him.

Thoughts

People who make excuses irritate me. However, I realize I am making excuses too. I haven't been studying. First it was the holidays and then my eyes. No more, I need to stay on track. My boss asked me this week how it is going - I need to get back into it. I am also making excuses about my weight and my not taking better care of myself. Not sure exactly what the excuse is, but it is obviously there. I just am having trouble getting myself in a routine. Perhaps it has been the thinking of another baby, and wondering what the point in losing weight is to only gain it back. Yes, I know that I need to be healthy, yes I know my thinking is flawed.

I also need to get the house in order. This is weighing heavy on me. I am hoping that we are going to get a move on the floors. I just feel like I need a week of nothing but organizing and cleaning. Perhaps we will plan a long weekend soon and get some work done. Who knows.

My little girl turns 4 in a little more than 5 weeks. I cannot wait. I love birthdays. We need to book the location and such. I already asked for a day off from work for our annual celebration of Bug. Now don't be scared, this is Bug being a monster.OK studying, exercising, and cleaning. I can do it :-) I need to make a plan. Yes, a plan - that will solve it all - enter evil laughter.

meds and miles

I started yay on a new med on Friday. It is for malaria. Well, that and anti-inflammatory issues. We will see how it works. All of this has baby #2 on hold for a little bit while we figure it all out.

Sweetie is doing great in his training. His ride is coming up soon, May 9th. This past weekend he rode 65 miles in the Red Poppy Ride. I am so proud of him.

I always have more to post, but get busy. I stay pretty good on facebook, but it is just faster to update status rather than a full on post.

Girl's Weekend

Sweetie left yesterday for a Design conference thingy. This means that I get to have Bug all to myself this weekend. WOO HOO. I am very excited. Since these events only happen every two years, I am making sure to make the most of it. Of course, I am still entertaining an almost 4 year old so it isn't like we can go all out.

Last night we have fun doing some shoe shopping, she is wearing a size 8 - totally amazes me. We are simply enjoying ourselves. Today has been more laid back. We are having crazy rain today. I mean ALL DAY RAIN. I looked on weather.com to see when it would let up - nope like 70% all day long, every hour. It is ok, I love the rain.

Bug's favorite place in the world is at a bookstore. So this weekend is turning into a bookstore weekend, lol. We went to one in the mall last night and another today before lunch. We have a nice dinner planned, I say this loosely as I know a 3 year old's mood can change at a moment's notice, and we will go to yet another bookstore after. I was hoping to go to the Children's museum today - but with the rain I think we might do it tomorrow. It isn't that the rain is stopping us exactly, but I don't like driving downtown on a normal workday in rain and then having to park a couple of blocks away means having to carry the umbrella. You get the picture. Besides we are having fun.

We miss Sweetie, don't get me wrong. This is ony the 4th weekend that we have been apart since moving in together almost 12 years ago. And I really like him :-)

The good news is that my brain is doing good. Did I post my thyroid is normal still? It is. It is very high - which really means low. I am very close to hypo again. Honestly I think I am already abck in hypo since I had the test done at the beginning of the month. I am having some brain fog and my hair is falling out again. But I have no stress about it. I would really like for my thyroid to go hypo again before getting pregnant. That way I would be on the meds and less worry.

I have been in a slump but I feel myself coming out of it. This weekend is helping. I mean, I HAVE to do everything. Sweetie isn't here to help. And I mean that in the best way possible. I think moving your body is important when fighting depression and such. Knowing this weekend was coming my mood was doing better. I have been watching my eating and even exercised a couple of times this week.

Work is going well. At least I think it is. I am getting closer to caught up. Changing systems puts you months behind. I had to wait on numbers from the new system. People had to figure out how to even find these numbers. We are three months behind so if you ask my boss he thinks we are months away from being caught up. I don't think that is the case. I want that feeling again of caught up. I can see the light. The working late I was doing for "processing" is over and now if I work late I can get caught up. One thing I love about my boss is he appreciates hard work. I love to finish things without him knowing I was working on it or surprising him with the detail work that I produced. Plus the part that I am behind on is what I really like to do. So we will see.

Oh and Sweetie shaved his head. I love it. I laughed when I saw him. We have talked for years about him doing it. And sure enough he did. I was completely in shock. I think it helped my mood a lot. Seeing the same thing different can be very exciting.

And there you have it, the most I have blogged in a very long time. And it is all because of Bug sleeping on our girl's day.

Heavy Heart

Deb isn't doing well. Seems she has her third round of cancer. The inevitable is near. It makes me so very sad. Not in a "that sucks" and moving on with my day kind of way, no my heart is aching for her family. It makes me so sad. She is an amazing person. She is full of life, she is optimistic, even when life handed her crap - she at least cracked a joke.

It makes me think of my life. That honestly makes me feel selfish. But I have to remind myself that we never know what is in the future, or what isn't. There are several aspects of my life that I am trying to improve. I am working on having a better control on things - I know, isn't everyone?

I need to not take my health for granted. I need to eat better and move more. No I am not expecting to wake up tomorrow being a perfect specimen for health. I still want to enjoy life.

I can add a whole list of "need to" items. I won't bore you. I have a three day weekend ahead of me filled with family.

I do have some planning to do. I get a girl's weekend with Serif next weekend.

National Start Walking Day

Wednesday, April 8th, is National Start Walking Day for the American Heart Association. Come on everyone - get in 30 minutes today.

To learn more go to: http://www.mystartonline.org/about_start_walking_day.jsp

always my silver lining

I feel green today

Well, things are crazy as ever. We were on a role, car replaced, wash/dryer replaced, new flooring idea solved, and new slip covers purchased as we opted for washer/dryer instead of new couches. Then the storm hit. It was loud, big, crazy. Softball sized hail. Sweetie's car did not do so well, front windshield cracked throughout and back window gone. My new car has little dints. It is ok. Nothing horrible. We will survive. I am not even really bummed about it, a little stressed about getting it all fixed and the steps needed to take, but that is all.

We are working very hard at getting the house organized. We have been here 10 years now - that is so hard to believe. The big push is that I am fighting depression. I have been feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I am not a woo is me kind of girl and I don't want to bring any one down. Honestly, I do try to look in the good in everything. My eyes have been bothering me, I feel like my thyroid is off, or it might be my sjogren's worse - who knows. It is time to get my blood tested, so we will see.

The good news is that I have been back on WW again for a week. I know it is not much, but I am trying. I did manage to get out and walk three times last week. Due to my muscle aches and such I am going back to the basics with slow walks using my heart rate monitor.

OK there is more to say but I need to go and put another load of laundry away. Maybe I will get caught up with laundry, like completely caught up - that hasn't happened in years.
The pics are of yesterday. The first is with the hail. It looked like snow. The streets were completely covered, so crazy. The second is moments after the storm. Everything was so very green. Right now I am feeling like I am in the storm, need to focus on the green to come.

You gotta get up early to catch a Daisymouse

**hacked again**

I'm posting because DM has been incredibly swamped. Late nights at work, full weekends, a kid with more energy than the sun, but she was able to see me for lunch recently and I got to watch Bug play with a new friend and I got to stare at my BFF and rent-a-mom for a good hour. It was awesome.

Here are some photos.

The Beautiful DM

The Bug, pre-haircut

Two little girls playing

great chat

Erin: hey psycho poser
you creep me out totally
please move far away

Erin: hey psycho poser
you don't deserve a bailout
how dare you fraud us

Erin = BestFriend. She is the best ever.

Not lost, I promise

I am not lost. A little distracted, a little busy, and a little stressed - but not lost.
Reminds me of the Tolkien quote "not all who wander are lost". I really like this right now where I am in my life.

So updates - let's get this out of the way.
1) I went to the Rheumatoid Doctor. MotoDiva sent me to her Dr and she was awesome. She ran a ton of tests on me to completely rule out Lupus and check for an antibody that can cause miscarriages.
2) We also went to the OB specialist. He is awesome too, and good looking - which is a requirement. He currently has 10 patients with Sjogren's and no issues. He pointed out that there is a 98% chance nothing will be wrong. I love that. He said that he would want to see me as often as my normal OB but alternating so I would see a Dr every two weeks. This makes for a higher co-pay and all but I am very excited to have at least one sonogram a month. Now we see if it is meant to be.
3) We finally got a new car. Our Rav4 DIED on the side of the highway on the way to trade it in. We thought we were screwed but it seems it had to go over 40 for all the bad stuff to start. So we took it slow and got more than we expected for the trade in. I now have the missy size mom-mobile. Yay!
4) Heard back from the Rheumatoid Dr and test results look good. I still have the SSA+ but expected that. I do not have the clotting antibody or lupus. YAY!!!
5) Work is going well. The late night processing only has a couple more weeks left. I am still so behind but the new location is working out well.
6) I don't remember if I blogged about it, and I am too lazy to check. The IMA agreed to change my testing date to May/June. This makes me so happy. I cannot wait to be done with the testing.

So things are good, crazy but good. I am working on myself - which I always love. The next focus is tackling the house and getting it ready for whatever the future may bring.

*!* Why the universe isn't random *!*

Below is an excerpt of a chat conversation I had with Daisymouse earlier:


Daisymouse: if you are open to used, I get you a great deal on a three year old

Daisymouse: :-) she is SOOOO stubborn

me!: hmmmm
think about the two stubborn DNA pools she came from?

Daisymouse: oh ya, G and Kathy

me!: (smirk) ya so what did you expect?

Daisymouse: she was being mean and I told her if she was mean again I would pop her butt
so she was
and I did
then she said "spank me again, harder this time"
UGH

me!: hahahaha!!!!!

Daisymouse: then I put her in timeout
told her to sit down on her butt
she then did a crab walk type thing so EVERYTHING was on the couch BUT HER BUTT

me!: :)

Daisymouse: then I tell her to sit down and she lays down

me!: you love it too

Daisymouse: hmmmm

Daisymouse: not in the moment

me!: you'll laugh about it on tuesday

*!* Another Post by erin *!*

Ok so Daisymouse hasn't updated the blog again. There's a good reason why. Her and Mr Daisymouse and their bug were busy making deals with car salesman. You can see the loot she drove home with.

Red is so much more a Daisymouse color than green was. It is the new her.

*!* Hacked Blog *!*

Commandeering is an act of appropriation by the military or police (or erin) whereby they take possession of the property of a member of the public (namely, Missy because its been too long since she posted and I can't take it anymore)

Haiku about Missy

What is the meaning
of mouse? Indescribable
silly awesomeness.

Beautiful sunday

Valentine's Day weekend. I love this time, not for the Hallmark holiday but because it is the anniversary of when Sweetie proposed. The events happened to fall on Valentine's Day, so that is when he proposed rather than picking the day itself. 12 years ago I told him I would marry him. One decision I will never regret. He is my everything.

Bug was sick last week, then I was fighting a cold. I think I successfully put it bay.

In other news our washing machine died last night. YAY. So let's count, shall we? Need new car, fridge on last leg, washer dead, dryer on its way. YAY. Good thing we have been paying down those credit cards. I think we are going car shopping tomorrow.

We made the hard decision that I am not testing this month. And I am ok with it. The reason is that I am not up for the non-stop study time right now. Instead we are focusing on getting reasonable set study habits while focusing on everything else.

I have been very emotional lately, fighting depression, not wanting to talk, taking everything in. I am ok. I go back and forth on a pendulum while feeling that I am getting further behind. My job is changing. What I was hired for is changing. I adore my boss but worry I will need to look for another job soon after finishing my certification. Blah.

The good news is that I am feeling motivated to take care of myself. My health is important and I need to make sure to do everything in my power to keep me in tip top shape. I just need a couple of extra hours in each day - or days in a week. Hmmm I will see what I can do about that.

Sorry that this wasn't a more exciting post. It is what it is. I will keep everyone posted.

beyond words

My friend, and hero, Deb is amazing. I thought we were going to lose her, several times. As Sweetie says, she has made Death her footstool. Well she not only is in remission AGAIN, she moved from MD Anderson to a rehabilitation center today, AND she blogged - TWICE. I am beyond words, tears of happiness streaming down my face.

This is the kind of thing that makes you feel like anything is possible. There is still a long battle, but this is such a huge step.

Enter something witty here

So a update on my week. Monday I went to the OB to discuss my new disease and the potential for a second child. Long story short (meaning I will spare you the details of calling drs back and forth), I am Anti-Ro/SSA positive. There is a risk associated with this antibody so I am to see a Specialist/genetic counselor before starting to try. I am not worried or stressed about it. Sweetie and I have discussed the worst case senerio that we will be told not to try due to risks. We are in a good place, just waiting to see the next step. We can't make any decisions yet as we don't know what we are dealing with.

For the last couple of weeks my ear has bothered me. Thursday it was getting worse. Thursday night I still worked out as I thought I was being a baby about it. Sure enough, Friday it hurt so much more. I caved and called the Dr. I have an ear infection, my first one ever. I thought it was bearable but the examination seemed to set off a ton of pain and I had to leave work early in order to take a vicodin and sleep. To top it off, Bug is sick too. Hers is fever and coughing - fun! She and I are quite a pair. We are both curled up on the couch watching cartoons. Hopefully all we need is a day of relaxation. Sweetie is at his training but will be back shortly to take care of us.

I am hoping for some good rest, some studying, and car hunting - through the internet - oh ya need a new car too.

So Proud

Sweetie is doing something awesome. He joined Team in Training to ride the Armadillo Hill Country 105 mile bike ride. He is training and raising funds in Deb's honor. Please donate if you can: http://pages.teamintraining.org/ctx/Armadilo09/ttolleson It is a wonderful cause, and tax-deductible.

He also has a blog started regarding his training: http://milesofmiles.wordpress.com/

migraine time

I am home with a migraine. Blah. Bug and Sweetie are at his TNT Kick Off Party. I wanted to go but there was no way. I am on the couch with covers, quiet music on the tv, a warm compress on my head, and blogging. I know, I know, which one of these things doesn't belong? I don't want to sleep, I am bored. So I opted for the one computer activity that doesn't require much brain power.

So headaches and muscle aches are my big issue now. Just taking it all in stride. OK, no more complaining.

This weekend is going to be full. My car is in need of replacement. Don't worry still following my own rules and not complaining, just stating :-) We plan to look for a new one. We are also going to the Bob Bullock Museum to see a piece of Sweetie's family's history on display. Very Very cool.
And there is something Friday but I cannot for the life of me remember what it is. Sunday is mani/pedi with BestFriend, LONG LONG overdue. Plus I need to get a ton of studying done. I can do it.

I think that is all I have in me. I am going to close my eyes and wait for my family to return. I leave you with a cute pic of Bug.

To do

1. laundry
2. studying
3. toes
4. workout
5. find motivation
6. giggle
7. work
8. family time
9. reading
10. decorating

need a break

OK so things have been beyond busy. I am doing good, though. I have been having to work late and on the weekends. But other than that, things are good. I moved into my new cubicle and it is different, but good. I have much more space and have been able to keep it tidy.

As far as my new disease, I am doing good. I found a great toothpaste for dry mouth and love my new skin cream. When moving into the new cube I found 5 bottles of eye drops. That is when I realized I have had this for 3.5 years. My eyes simply feel like they have sand in them all the time. I always thought it was due to my Graves' or computer usage. I read that thyroid issues and sjogren's is very common. That makes sense as I think the Graves and Sjoren's came at the same time.

I go in on Feb 2nd to my OB to talk about what this means for baby #2. Then I go to the Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. I know that seems kind of backwards, but that is how the scheduling worked out. I tried to get in with another Rheumatoid Dr but his next opening was in April.

I really am trying to take advantage of this down time to get healthier. I worked out twice this week and while my eating needs work, I am trying to be more aware.

Oh and the CMA? What has happened to that? I am still in the game. I have my next test the end of Feb. I begin my super duper studying this weekend. I hope it sticks. I want to be able to take the third section in May/June.

This week was a long and interesting one. Mom got a cat, I adjusted to my new cubicle, gave blood, watched a new president being sworn in, and colored my hair (yet again). I am feeling good today. Yesterday was a hard day, but today has been better.

I was hoping to get out some this weekend for girl time, but I just don't think I am up for it. Something laid back sounds nice.

I think I need a small vacation. Some time to rest and relax without stress sounds very nice.

at least this one has a better name

I received my diagnosis yesterday. It is Sjogren's Syndrome (pronounced SHOW-grins).

Sjögren's syndrome is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks its own moisture producing glands. Sjögren's is one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders, striking as many as 4,000,000 Americans. Nine out of ten patients are women. The average age of onset is late 40s although Sjögren's occurs in all age groups in both women and men.

I do not have the associated Lupus with this diagnosis. I believe mine is only mild. I do have the dry eyes, mouth and skin. But no issues talking, eating, or dental decay (thank goodness). There is some scary stuff out there regarding the disease, but I am not letting it get me down. I see a Rheumatoid Dr on Feb 23. MotoDiva has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am going to see her Dr.

The goods news is the research I found shows that you can have very normal pregnancies with this disease and it is no reason to postpone family planning. Now we have to decide if we want to wait until I talk with the Dr, lose weight, or start now. Why is being an adult so hard at times?

So that is my new auto-immune disease. I already got the good eye drops (I thought my dry eyes was due to computer usage) and good skin cream. I am prepared. I am going to beat this, just like the Graves'. Exercise and healthy diet have to help right?

AJ is always amazed at how quickly I drink. Now I understand why, I am simply thirsty all the time due to the dry mouth. Thank goodness for sugar-free gum.

I will keep everyone updated. It is all good. I am doing good with the diagnosis, just focusing on being healthy.

Short Lived Comfort

My brother is in town from Alaska. He left 5 months ago and that still sounds strange to me. Well he is visiting. Seems odd, life seems the same to me. I miss him so much but things are "normal" here. He visits and honestly it simply feels like we haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. I know, hard to describe. He looks great. He is down 40 pounds and I am beyond proud of him. We saw him last night and again tonight. I am grateful for any time I get with him. Tonight I made him a healthy dinner. We also had some drinks, cookies, and goldfish - but at least dinner was on track. 

He got me the best present, a heavy sweater with a daisy on it. I ADORE it!!! I plan to wear it until it wears out. He also got Bug a book about Alaska and read it to her, and broke down while reading it. It was awesome. 

T and her family came out to visit too. This made me happy as we all got to share in the visiting of Brother, even if he was very quiet. We have not seen them since August. It was nice to have everyone together. It is short lived as he returns on Tuesday. He said I will see him again. I hope so. 

I had to work late two nights this week and go in today. It isn't so bad as my boss is awesome. However, it was mentioned this might have to happen more and more. I am all about stepping up and helping, but the bottom line is I have a test in 6 weeks. I have to make sure things stay in balance so I can prepare properly. I move to a new (for me) part of the building next week. it is going to be so different, lonelier even I am afraid. Right now I have people all around me to chat with me. The new location is right outside the higher ups' offices. This can be good for career (silver lining and all) but people are hesitant to come to chat when the big boss can see you.

OK off to bed. I plan to sleep in some tomorrow. 

And so I say blah

I had dinner tonight with BestFriend and DarkDiva. It was so nice. I am sorry that I wasn't better company, but I worked late and was tired.

I am feeling all kind of emotional. I don't know if it is Brother's visit, waiting on my blood tests, me being me, or something else. Right now locking myself into my own little closet where I can study, eat healthy, and exercise without any drama, stress, or scheduling conflicts sounds divine.

There simply isn't enough time in the day for what I want to do, for who I want to see, for everything.

I wasn't as good on my diet today, but that is ok. I will pick it back up tomorrow. I have been having salads for lunch, and really enjoying them. Progress - not perfection - I must remember this. I get very stuck in perfect, in black and white, in on a diet or not. Blah!

I just want to feel better. I will call the Dr again on Monday for the test results. I hope they have them then, or better yet call me tomorrow with them - that would be nice.

One step at a time. I know I am rambling, something I do well. I need to focus on healthy choices, including exercise, and stop thinking about long term. I just want to feel healthy again.

Oh and did I mention blah?

Here to the weekend being wonderful, filled with family, stress free, and productive.

Updates

Me laughing
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

OK so here is an update on me and all going on in my brain. Sit back, this might take a little bit.

Yesterday I heard from the dr regarding the test results. No Lyme Disease and my blood counts look good. Thank goodness. However, my ANA results are high. This led to further blood testing. I went in yesterday and six large viles of blood were drawn. Some of the blood tests, several actually, were rare and the lab peeps had to call the main office for the codes and such. I found out some blood was going to Utah - yay. I didn't copy the form so I can't look up all the tests being done - prob for the best. The dr did say they were testing for Lupus as well as several other diseases. Due to some of the tests taking longer I should receive several calls with results. From what I do know ANA means autoimmune. We shall see.

My thoughts? I am composed and not talking about it really. I am scared, it is true. I just want to know what it wrong. If I know what it is, I can deal with it. I don't know if it is what ended my last pregnancy early. I also do not know if it is why I am so tired. I want to be as healthy as possible. And for this reason I have resisted the urge to drown my worry in food, as normal, and actually stick two days to my eating plan. I am feeling good for it - less the withdrawn headache.

I have a plan, of course. I will find out what it is and take the diagnosis to my OB and see what he says the impact on growing our family. Sweetie and I have talked about it. We don't mind waiting for a few months longer if it means better health. We already discussed waiting some due to weight. But this is different.

In good news, I had my ENT check up today. My nose has a clean bill of health. So there is that, lol.

My brother comes to visit this week. I have no idea how much I am going to be able to see him, but will take what I can get.

There just seems to be a lot of emotions right now. To distract myself I have been studying. That part feels very good. I feel in control when I am studying. Plus I need to get caught up from taking the holidays off.

So in a nutshell - more waiting. I am doing what I do and trying to focus on the positive with a smile. I will keep everyone posted.

Happy Anniversary

I could look at this all day long
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Happy Anniversary my husband, my lover, my partner, and most importantly, my friend.

11 years ago we promised through good times and bad, through thick and thin, through good health and bad. I am happy that we are still together after the the bad times and health. Each thin point only made the good points hit all new highs.

I adore you. Ask anyone, simply thinking about you sends a smile across my face.

And while today's celebration is nothing as grand as last year, I simply love celebrating us and where we are.

I love you!

Hello 2009

Today was a great New Years Day. It was laid back with family. Good food, no crowds, and simple - my favorite. 

While at MIL's I found out that I had not blogged about the results of the Dr appt regarding my skin. I am on f@cebook a lot and updated people there while forgetting to on this outlet. The Dr did not know what it was and did a biopsy that required two stitches. I went back on the 30th for the results. She doesn't know what is wrong. I have a thinning of the skin and inflammation. She said that some of the things that cause this simply need to play out. However, since mine has been around for three years (remember without any pain or any real symptoms of an issue other than cosmetic) she isn't sure. I had blood work done to check many things such as if it is autoimmune, complete blood count, and lyme disease. She assures me that it is nothing serious. Honestly, my biggest concern is it being autoimmune and not common. Hopefully I will have the results by Tuesday. 

Anyway, I am very excited about the New Year. I am starting back with my walking  and weight watchers - yes again. I am feeling good and that is enough to make me smile. 

Goodbye 2008 - Hello 2009

Holiday Pic
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

This year the focus was to give up control. Oh how this was the focus for the whole year. From the amazing second honey moon to which I had no control in planning to accepting that fertility is yet another thing out of my control. Sometimes things are not meant to be.

This year was also wonderful in other areas, don't get me wrong. Sweetie and I grew closer together with the highs and lows of the year. I am very grateful for the point we are at now. I also am very proud of passing the first of four tests for CMA, next test scheduled Feb 28th.

I am excited about this next year. I plan to bring it in the best way possible, with Sweetie, Bug, Mom, MIL, and Niece. There will be games and fun. Let's only hope I can stay awake late enough to see the New Year.

I hope everyone have a safe and happy New Year Eve/Day!

Bring on 2009 - I am ready!

I forgot

How did I forget? Sweetie got his RosettaStone Japanese language. He wanted this for the longest time. He completed the second lesson yesterday and is in love with the program. And since he is a user on the wiifit he added me as a user for his. Not sure when I will have time to use it as my studies for the second test for CMA start next week. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS and all that

That time of year is upon us again. Another Christmas has come and gone. This year was odd. The season went too quickly to do all we wanted, people were missing from the fun, and I fought my own sadness. But I did what Christmas is all about for me, focus on family and friends. Sweetie and I spent this week cleaning. The house had been neglected in a bad way. In no way were we ready for a white glove inspection, but it made me feel so good. SIL is right, having people over is the best motivation to keep a house clean.

Christmas Eve was so much fun. I had to work for a few hours but nothing horrible. I had to even go back in so I took Bug with me. That was fun. Of course our weather was warm and she and I enjoyed the windows down on the ride, too funny. Christmas Eve was at our house this year. We enjoyed a scavenger hunt of sorts, making our own sparkling sodas, decorating cookies, homemade waffles, and opening presents. It was exhausting and fun.

Christmas Day was laid back. Due to Brother moving we decided to do things differently. Instead of full dinner we had sandwiches. It was fun and relaxing. Sweetie got me a WiiFit for Christmas, thanks to his best Elf helper BestFriend. I started playing it today. AWESOME. It is fun. I plan to use it with my walking. I don't know why but it seems that I feel more accountable with the wiifit than just weight watchers. Perhaps it is because Sweetie can see my progress on the TV.

Along the same lines we are talking about waiting to try for #2 until I lose some weight. We want to take care of any risks that we can. I am not waiting to be at goal weight, we are wanting to get a move on - lol. However my goal is to lose enough to get into the overweight category and not obese. As I say this we might change the plans if at any given moment. Speaking of health and all that, I am finally feeling better. I got on another antibiotic on Monday and I think finally I am kicking this sinus infection/cold that has lingered for over a month. So that is good.

So you might be wondering where are the Christmas pictures. There is an awesome story which goes with that. You see I need to upload my pics from two cameras. Yes, two. Santa brought me a Nikon D200. So half of the pictures are on my normal camera and half on the new one. I love the new one even though I am still learning how to use it.

OK back to enjoying the long weekend. I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

thyroid

Well thyroid is normal. That is good. I know it is. So I don't know what is going on. Perhaps it is just sadness over loss, perhaps it is me going crazy. Who knows. What I do know is that my focus is going to be exercising again and eating right. It is something I can do where I have control. 

In other news I have so much to do this weekend before Christmas Eve next week. It will all get done, just need some focus.

Feeling Better

The Christmas party was fun last night. It was nice to relax and enjoy the food. Today Sweetie and I took off from work and did Christmas shopping. Good company, cracking people up, giving to charity, buying Bug the item's she asked for, and letting go helped a lot today. 

Tomorrow is the Nutcracker. I am so looking forward to it. Sunday is the Jingle Bell 5k. 

I decided that since I don't have control right now to simply try to let go, yes easier said than done. But it seems to be helping. 

I am doing better and that is the main thing. 

hard day

I am having a hard day. Not sure why. Hard in a way that I am not talking about it. Not myself. Sure I can fake it when around others, but once they walk away, I am in tears. I don't know if it is everything that has happened recently, me losing my mind or if my thyroid has come undone. I am lacking focus. I am not studying, gave myself permission to take the holidays off so not really putting it off. I am swamped at work, nothing bad, busy is always good. I like the changes that are happening in my department. Sure there are things I would like to change and some things I am still waiting to see how they will turn out. My cubicle is moving soon and I don't know what that will mean. I get visitors now. I can keep working while they visit, but it makes me happy. I tend to be a bear about work - I go into my den and do my work and don't come out very often. My new cube is outside my boss's office. And while I love him I believe him right there will drive away my friends. Tomorrow is the company Christmas party and honestly I am not looking forward to it.

I have not been eating right or exercising. The weather isn't good for my walking. I hate walking when it is freezing. I keep telling myself to do something inside, but the momentum is not there. The house is a mess, no motivation. And I am so tired. I have been so tired for like a month. Honestly I consider taking a nap during lunch, I think about bedtime when I get off work. Blah. Maybe the diet and exercise is all I need.

So I have some other issues that makes me think my thyroid is off. TMI kind of stuff - let's just say changing cycles. Anyway, Sweetie being as awesome as he is told me "so?" when I told him I think my thyroid is off. Which is true. We roll with the punches.

Thyroid being off scares me. Not for the RAI. I already decided that if I go Graves' again I will get it. But if it is hyper and I get the RAI that means another 6 months of waiting to try for baby #2. Honestly that isn't the biggest thing. I worry more that it isn't off and that I am just crazy. If it is off then I can be corrected and feel normal. Right now I feel better in some ways but I am feeling off. Something is off.

Next week is Dr apt week. I have my ENT follow up to find out if my nose is better. I have my 6 month teeth cleaning - fingers crossed for no cavities. And I have a derm appt. Why not share it, I have had a spot on my hip that appears around Aug 2005. It grew and stopped and several others have cropped up. We were focused on the thyroid so this got pushed to the side. And I know I am slow sometimes, but this past weekend I decided I was going to finally go in. I was kind of rehearsing about the symptoms when I realized that my Graves' appeared at the same time. This is not like the skin condition that comes alongside Graves'. But what worries me is that it is also autoimmune related. I am not worried about it being life threatening, I know it isn't cancer or anything. But more like what I said above, not liking the idea of having to wait another 6 months. I will do it without hesitation to be healthy - of course. I don't want to take any chances next time.

I just feel out of control. As Mom and I say, we can handle anything as long as we know about it.

Thank you, getting it all out there has helped a lot. Sweetie is awesome and doing anything he can to cheer me up and Bug is amazing as always and gets me to laugh. I just need to do a little me work.

CIMG8117

CIMG8117
Originally uploaded by daisymouse

Erin and myself before the race. We always take a picture like this.

Things are as crazy as normal in my world. We got the tree up on Saturday night but finally decorated it last night. Bug is so much fun this year. I love it. I just want to soak up every second with her.

This weekend was BestFriend's b-day. We had some one on one time on Saturday - much needed with great fun. Sunday was a group playing pool and going to see JCVD. It is such a good movie. Nothing like I expected. And seeing it at the Alamo Ritz downtown was very awesome.

The best part of the night was driving home, all five of us in the car. I see a sign for an insurance company.
Me: "Acceptance insurance, I don't think I would want an insurance company named acceptance"
BF: "What about Rapture Insurance?"
Me: "Is there Rapture Insurance?"
Shawn: "Yes, Jesus"
Come on that was funny, you know it. It was like a script sooo funny. I was crying with laughter.

We walked the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning - yep all 5 miles. Sweetie ran with BestFriend and MIL walked with me and Bug - who was in a stroller. It was fun. There were some nasty hills, but it was fun. Next 5k on the radar is the Jingle Bell.

Thanksgiving was at SIL's MIL's. This is the first year since 1998 that I did not host some sort of Thanksgiving feast. It was very different. I didn't think I was that big on the parade but seeing it made me feel like Thanksgiving. The walk was good for us and I would like to keep up the tradition. But missing the parade was a little sad. That and not having my Sweetie smell like smoke. He always smells the best at Thanksgiving. I think I might have to make him smoke something for Christmas on these even years where we don't have Thanksgiving but have Christmas Eve. That and with Brother not here, it was just different.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! This year is filled with much thanks. This has been a hard year and I am coming through it stronger. I am thankful for my health and strive with the new year to improve it even more. I am thankful for my Sweetie. He is my everything. Our relationship has gotten even stronger through this year. My friends are amazing. They know when to step back and when to step in and come over without calling. There are many friends that I wish I had seen more of recently, but lives are busy. The part I am thankful for is that I know when I need them, they are on call. I am thankful for BestFriend. She is my rent-a-sister. She trusts me and believes in me like no one else. I am thankful for Bug and Mom for much of the same reasons, they give me hope, make me feel safe, and take care of me. All of my family and friends are amazing. I am thankful for the family in town, miss the family out of town, and feel very lucky for the friends that I have met over the internet.

This Thanksgiving is SIL's MIL's. It will be completely different than others. For one, since we are not hosting we are able to attend the Turkey Trot. That is right. Instead of sleeping in we are getting up and getting together with BestFriend and MIL and walking 5 miles. WOO HOO. Since Brother moved and will not be with us this year, I am happy that it will be so different.

This whole Thanksgiving week, really week and a half has been great: organizing, bachelorette party, seeing Thomas, bowling with BestFriend, sushi with Jim, seeing Cirque Jungle Dreams with family, seeing Thomas again, making dessert for tomorrow, tomorrow is the walk and dinner, Friday is P from work's wedding, Saturday is girl time with BestFriend, and Sunday is movie and pool with BestFriend to celebrate a special day - it is the one day out of the year that isn't her unbirthday - heehee.

I am thankful for my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly makes me who I am. And, quite frankly, I think I am pretty cool.

Please keep praying for Deb. She is fighting hard but is missing her 8 year old daughter this Thanksgiving.

May everyone have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. And a special warm wish to Brother. May it feel warmer than the 22 degrees forecasted.

Send Prayers

Deb, the cancer ass kicking queen of the universe, needs our help. She has relapsed and once again is fighting Leukemia. Please send prayers to her and her daughter.

This is scary.

Please everyone donate blood, donate plasma, get on the bone marrow registry. Do what you can. You never know who you are going to help.

Right now Deb needs our help, debutaunt.com .

Other great links
Leukemia Lymphoma Society
Team in Training

Another edition of bullet point update

• I had a great b-day. It was relaxing just like I wanted.
• On Friday I got a stomach virus and was throwing up for 14 hours. It was no good. We left for the Ren Fest that evening - yes while I was still sick. I had to go. I didn't want to miss the time with the family. I felt better Saturday morning and enjoyed the remainder of our weekend.
• It was very cold for Bug's first camping experience. And even with that Sweetie and I are looking at tents, I want to camp more. Bug was a pro. She did great the whole time. No accidents or problems sleeping.
• Monday was my Dad's b-day. As tradition states, Mom and I took off and started our Christmas shopping. We were very successful and had a great time.
• Today was Bug's Thanksgiving dinner at her school. It was a ton of fun. Sweetie and I went and Bug was thrilled. I love hanging out with my little friends.
• Tomorrow is the last trash pick up before Thanksgiving. And while I am not hosting, I am using this as an opportunity to get the kitchen in tip top shape. Let's see if it works.
• This weekend is Christmas decorating. I cannot wait. I love this season. And Bug is big enough to REALLY be into it.

Happy B-Day TO ME

Today is my b-day. Right now I am at Mom's waiting on our guests to arrive. Today has been wonderful. Waking up to a text from BestFriend, cards from Sweetie and Bug, cookies delivered to work, and beautiful weather.

So far 32 rocks. Half my life ago I got my drivers license. My brother took me - it meant so much that he did that for me. Today I found myself back at the DPS, 16 years later renewing. It made me think back and smile.

There has been so much drama lately. I am happy that I can be there as support during all of this, but mostly, it makes me very grateful for my life. Although busy, and boring, is mine and good.

I just hope everyone who needs help, finds it. PLEASE!!!

we are all connected

First, my weekend was wonderful. Friday was a romantic date night. We used the remaining gift certificates from Sweetie's Halloween winnings last year. It made a $155 meal only $18. Woo hoo!
Saturday was my b-day gift from Bug, Madagascar 2. It was a fun movie. She slept through part of it. Fine by me as she was in my arms.
Sunday was brunch with Jim and in the evening was bowling with BestFriend. Bug beat me. Of course she had bumpers up and I didn't. All in fun, right?
We had quite a packed weekend.

This weekend was also good in a different way. A friend of mine had a miscarriage. I was able to send her my support and tell her that I understand. I hope it helped a little. I know it helped me when so many women told me that they had been through it as well.

Tonight and tomorrow night are busy as we prepare the house for the cable guy to come. Not only does it need a deep cleaning anyway, but we are finally getting cable. We have been without it since like 2001. We are adding it to save money. I know sounds so funny. So now we have to make room for a cable box.

Then my B-day. I am doing it very different this year. Since it is midweek, I am not having everyone over. I know it can be a pain to go someplace after work and then worry about getting home in time for bed. So I am declaring my b-day celebration on the weekend. We are going to Ren Fest this weekend anyway, what better time to celebrate. Plus we will be camping, so much fun!! So instead, tomorrow, we are going to Moms to eat some pizza and maybe play a game or two. We will see how it plays out. It will be weird not seeing all of the family tomorrow, but I am holding out for the weekend for the big fun. It isn't like it is a big birthday.

And I am back on the study bandwagon. I walked this morning listening to my lectures. I am very motivated to get this certification complete. It is like being in school again. Yay the semester is over, but the process is not - know what I mean? Next test hopefully is beginning of the year.

I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving. This year is SIL's turn for Thanksgiving and my turn for Christmas Eve. We are doing the Turkey Trot. It is a great way to start the unhealthy day :-) And we are already registered, so we will be there. I have wanted to do this for so many years. YAY!

feeling better

I have been sick. But today I am feeling better - YAY.

Next week is my birthday. I love birthdays. I love the day for me. However, I can never answer the question about what I want. I have trouble coming up with something I truly want. This year Sweetie picked his own gift. And it was a big one. So he said I should do the same. So I am thinking this one over. I know I want my house organized. I don't mean a maid service, but some time dedicated to getting off our asses and getting the place pretty.

I know what Bug is getting me. She is taking me to see Madagascar 2. It comes out tomorrow and she wants to see it. She is so much fun to take to the movies, so that is the plan. No present needed from her, just sittng with me watching a funny movie eating popcorn and candy.

Well I know one thing Sweetie is giving me - or rather doing. For the first time in his life he is going to give blood. This is awesome and means the world to me. In fact, everyone should give blood for my b-day.

So celebration wise, we aren't doing anything crazy. We are going to the Ren Fest the weekend after so I plan to celebrate there. Come one come all and join us in our fun. The actual day I plan to have a lazy evening with nothing crazy.

This weekend's plans changed yet we still have a full weekend planned, funny how that happens.

I have not fully been studying this week. I think I need the break. It is exhausting to think of 3 more tests. But I can do it, I just need to get off my ass and study.

Tonight we are going to see DarkDiva belly dance. This time she will be in the front row. Awesome. We also have a romantic date as well as bowling with friends planned for the weekend.

election night

We early voted and now we wait. Regardless of the outcome, it is exciting to be watching history in the making.

And the verdict is

I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED!!!!!!

All the hours of studying over the past two months, all of the hard work, all of it was worth it. I passed the first portion. It was the hardest test I have ever taken. There were a number of questions that I didn't know. It took the entire 3 hours to test. And I even used the 15 minute software tutorial at the beginning (in addition to the 3 hours) to jot down all the equations I could think of. It was hard. At the end I was exhausted. I wasn't in the fed up mind set, but rather respecting the test and knew if I didn't pass that it was ok as it was a hard test. Then they make you take a survey on how you studied and how the testing facilities were before finding out your test score. That took forever. And then I saw it:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I am so happy. Thank you thyroid for being normal and letting my brain work. Thank you Sweetie for being so awesome with Bug. Thank you Bug for making me want to improve myself. Thank you Mom for listening to me freak out on a near daily basis. Thank you BestFriend for believing in me and pushing me.

One down three to go. I am taking the weekend off and beginning the next section's study on Monday.

Right now I need food. My right hand is killing me from being on a mouse for three hours. I guess I was clinching, lol.

countdown has begun

OK I test in 69.5 hours. Not that I am counting or anything :-) I am doing good. I am making sure I understand what I am studying and not cramming. If this means I don't pass this time, so be it. The bottom line is there are four tests. The items on the first three tests are on the fourth. This means I can't just forget the information when I leave, I will need it again in April or July.

And, of course, I feel like crap. I always get sick before a big test. I don't think I ever had a final in all of my college where I was completely healthy. Oh well. I hoped my surgery would cure that, guess it is in my genes. Actually that makes sense, my Dad was sick with his Surveying exams.

Another good thing is Sweetie found my alpha omega necklace. It had been missing since July. I feel more normal with it back around my neck.

The good thing is I will know if I passed by 11:30am on Saturday. It is Sweetie's Dad's b-day. That is why I scheduled it that day. Perhaps he can "stop by" and help me some with the test. He wasn't a accounting or finance person, but he was a computer programmer - so he should be able to go into the computer and tell me the right answer, right? :-)

Other than that, things are boring around these parts. We are almost ready for Halloween. I get to go as a Mom in an Orange shirt. Bug approved it.

I cleaned my desk at work. It has given me a very calming feeling. My desk gets SUPER messy during a project. I don't like to put things away that I am using. Once the project is over, I clean it. It is a ritual. Co-workers even walk by and say "so you finished a project". I also did it today as I can't sit still, I want to study. I think I will use the afternoon for some questions.

Best thing to hear:

"i love you
don't be stressed
you will succeed
and every "failure" gets you closer to full understanding and ultimate victory"

So true. What wonderful insight to hear today from Sweetie. He has been amazing. He is the most supportive with giving me time to study. He takes Bug to play and handles the chores. I am beyond lucky. Tonight is more studying. I better pas. Quite frankly I am growing bored of the topics.

And we walked

Today was Livestrong. MIL, Niece, Sweetie, Bug and I all walked. We walked in honor of those we love who are in the fight or have kicked cancer's ass. It was a lot of fun.

One week until test. I will be preparing until time of testing. I need to post pictures too.

Right now I am tired so I am gathering my girl and headed to bed :-) Nothing better than snuggling with Bug as a reward for studying.

a weight lifted

This weekend was good. Friday was date night, Saturday was b-day party for one of Bug's friends and errand day with Mom. Today was family day and the Maker Faire with BestFriend. It was cool with a life size mouse trap - like the game.

I studied at work on Friday, at Mom's on Saturday, and three hours tonight. I don't feel the most confident, but it is coming. I am doing what I can. It fully sunk in that if I don't pass, it is OK. I know that sounds counter-productive but it truly helped. I was expecting perfection and fully accepting that I am human and can only do what I can helped. After all the friend who got me into this CMA route even had to take two sections twice. Plus, I have had an rough couple of months. If I don't pass it would be understandable. With that said, I will be studying daily. I am still giving 100%, but I will not be devastated if I don't pass, I simply will pick up where I left off and study some more.

With all of that said, can I just add that I love my new nose. I had no idea how hindered my breathing was before. My Dr said I would be feeling better at this point and that in another two weeks I am going to be feeling great. I love it.

Next weekend is LiveStrong. If you are in Austin on Saturday come and walk/run with us. 3.1 miles for a great cause. What more can you ask for? Oh and the forecast shows a high of 81. Yay!

OK off to bed, I am feeling positive.

ME!!!!

I am feeling great today. Ok a little tired, but nothing out of the norm. Other than that, I feel great. I have not really posted in so long. Mostly because I haven't had much to post. I have been recovering, studying, and doing the day-to-day tasks.

It is funny today on my day of feeling good is also the day I just hit my freak out point. The point where the test is so close and I want to pass it so much but I start to doubt myself. I just need to study all the time for the next two weeks.

But I feel normal again. I don't feel sick and run down. I feel energized and silly. I feel no depression. It is a good day. And it is so beautiful outside. It is 68 degrees. I love it.

We went to Half Price Books on Tuesday. I found the greatest find. The same people who made Power90 made Slim in 6. It is a 6 week program rather than 90 days. Normally, this runs for $60. I got it for $10. I came home and checked out the DVDs to see if they were in good shape. Sure enough they look great. The previous owner completed 3 days of the program and then stopped for whatever reason. No judgement there as I have no room to talk with stopping programs. So I am going to start it tomorrow and it will end on Thanksgiving.

Of course, I also need to train for the Turkey Trot. Oh and study.

Hmmm so much I want to do.

Bug and Sweetie are doing great. He has been #1 dad and watching Bug whenever I need so I can study. She is getting so big. Her new thing is to come up to you and say "mommy, you be my best friend?". I love it. I jump up and down and act silly and say yes. I know everyone is shocked that I EVER act silly. I tell you if daycare paid more, that is where I would be working. I love hanging out at her school and with the kids. In the meantime I will just be the favorite class mom.

So off to study. Wait I am at work. I cannot study, I must be a good employee ;-)

three weeks until test
today i study at work
so nice and quiet

over five hours
listening to my lectures
brain take it all in

Hallo

I am still here. Not feeling great. But I am hanging in there. I am focusing on studying. I look forward to feeling good again. I do have two cool things to post about.

Yesterday the NP for my family doc called. My chart was being updated with the miscarriage. She saw it and called me to tell me how sorry she is. She said there are just some patients that stay on their mind and in their prayers and I am one of those patients. It meant the world to me. Makes me feel like big health isn't necessarily here. There are some small practices out there that care.

A bit of Sweetie's family history will be on display at the Texas History Museum. MIL submitted a brand for loan. It is so awesome. I cannot wait to go and see it in all its glory.

irony

I am not bruised or even in that much pain. However, I feel like I have a horrible sinus infection. The irony? I got the surgery to prevent sinus infections. It is funny. I have slept most of the weekend. Yay fun! Sweetie has been amazing and took bug to three events this weekend without me. He truly does know how to take care of me.

I will be at work tomorrow. I don't know if I will last all day, but I am going to give a good try. The other issue is I have is drainage. Just kind of gross.

Anything else new? Nope.

new nose

I survived. YAY. Actually it isn't bad. I got up at 4:30am, arrived at the hospital at 5:30, surgery at 7:30, home at noon. My throat was the worst so far. The breathing tube scratched me up good. I don't remember it going in or coming out, so that is good. But bad sore throat and it hurt to talk or even eat. That combined with me having a nauseous reaction to the anesthesia, made for a focus on taking pain meds and sleeping. 

I have kept down dinner so far, cross your fingers. I really am doing good. Once I knock out this headache, I will be much better. Even with a nose filled with dried blood, I know TMI, I am already noticing an improvement in breathing. 

 

calm

Perhaps it is the calm before the storm, but I am feeling much better today. I am focusing on the good things. Won't you join me?

1. Sweetie took my computer to the Dr today. He is so awesome like that. He said I would either have a fixed computer or a new one today.
2. Computer is fixable. While a new computer would have been nice, I would like to save for it and plan for the expense, instead of a "have to".
3. I have been good with studying and enjoying the topics.
4. I am excited for the surgery. If you put your finger under my nose and I breath out you can feel the difference from one nostril to the next. There is quite a bit of difference. I am not sure what I am going to do when I can breath normal.
5. I am still focused on the P90 program. However, I have not worked out since Sunday. I don't want to overdo it and get sick. As soon as I feel up to it, I will be exercising again. It doesn't stop my 90 day goals, it just changes how I get to the end of the 90 days.
6. Week one of weight watchers went very well. I lost 3.8 - whoo hoo! I am motivated. This weigh in is what i needed before tomorrow. The old me would drown my pain with bad for me food. This is going to keep me good.
7. SIL's MIL is doing Thanksgiving this year. My year for Christmas Eve. I am beyond psyched for the Turkey Trot.
8. I am very excited about the debate tonight. I don't think I ever watched the debates like I have this election. I am going to get some dinner and enjoy my family. We are watching the debate with MIL and Mom.
9. My mood is much better today. I feel like I am peeking out of the hole. Now I just need to hoist myself out. Better yet, anyone got a hand?
10. Bug's eye is so much better. It is a beautiful shade of black/purple/yellow/green/blue. Should be perfect for picture day tomorrow.

I will update everyone with how I am doing as soon as I can tomorrow. But send good thoughts/prayers around 7-9am CST.

some updates

• I am fighting my depression still. Blah. I hate chemical days.
  
• Surgery for my deviated septum and correcting my sinuses is Friday morning. Butt ass early in the morning too.
  
• Bug's eye is looking worse but better. The swelling is gone as well as the pain. It is WAY more colorful. No worries I am taking pictures everyday.
  
• Computer goes to the Dr tomorrow. I should have a fixed computer or a new laptop.
  
• I am in a hole right now. I am working my way out. I hate it when I am in holes.
  
• I have been so good with WW, first week weigh in tomorrow. I hope to see a smaller number.
• One month until my first test. I am going to put everything into passing.
• And I have had a headache for two days and I cannot take anything because of the surgery - FUN!
  
• OK that is enough updates. Off to prepare for Friday.
  

A lot going on

Today is crazy day. Last night Bug fell off a bar stool and has a black eye. She went with me to my ENT appt today. Long story short, I have surgery on Friday. I am a little freaked by it, but that is ok. My laptop needs replacing. It is very ill. YAY another expense. blah. 

OK sorry for the quick on and off, but I am on Sweetie's machine and don't like it as much. 

nothing - yet everything

This morning I rejoined WW at work. It was very good for me. I feel in control again. I also restarted the power 90 challenge. Yay for me.

Today I went to the allergist. They poked me 80 times, 40 in the back, 20 in each arm - to test me for what I am allergic to. Guess what? I am not allergic. My reactions when molds get high are due to environmental changes and not the pollen itself. Yes, I am complicated like that. The Dr prescribed some allergy medication to help me - I know that sounds funny.

I also found out I have a deviated septum. I always felt I breathed out of one nostril more than the other. Now I know why. I go the the ENT on Monday. The allergist said that getting my septum corrected would cut down on my sinus infections drastically. I hope it is that simple. Of course, we are talking about me so probably not.

I am feeling good. I am getting myself healthy again, mental and physical. I have been experiencing some depression. I am doing everything in my power to keep it at bay.

Last night Bug and I went to dinner with BestFriend. She is awesome. She knows I am fighting this slump which means I need to be pushed to do things. She demanded it, and I am beyond grateful. Thank you, BestFriend for being so amazing.

I need to close this for now, I must get back to my studying.

No More Drama

No more drama please. I am taking myself out of the middle. If you wish to discuss the weather or other things, awesome. But no more of the drama. I take things on too personally, I get emotional. I understand that friendship is needed. But I am caught in the middle and I don't like it there. So I am stepping out.

Never Forget

Today marks 11 years since we lost my father. It is always emotional. However, I think this year is easier, most likely due to Bug being such a big girl these days. Though I do remember it getting easier after 10 years after my Grandma's death. Regardless, I miss him daily. I think of how much has changed, which is so much. I miss you, Daddy.

So we did what we do each year, we went to the lake where we scattered his ashes. The lake was down very low like it was two years ago. Last year it was as full as it was when we scattered his ashes. Whenever we see it low I feel a little sad. When it is low the ducks and geese don't come to visit. But this didn't stop us. It is a beautiful place regardless. Last year I would have been in water to take this shot. Sweetie took Bug out onto some of the rocks. She has grown so much since last year. It amazes me. We had some breakfast, walked around the park and played soccer ball. It was very nice. Afterward, we had to rest up. We had Bug's first performance to attend. We went to see "Not Afraid of the Dark" by the Austin Ballet Apprentice Company. It was perfect for Bug. She was awesome. She was literally on the edge of her seat the whole time either holding our hands or clapping. I loved it. I loved seeing it through her eyes. I love how big she is. This is her glow in the dark necklace that we got at the show. And here we are with her. After the show we headed back toward home. Bug requested bookstore so we went to the Domain. We enjoyed the bookstore, some pizza, playing, and looking at stores. Here Sweetie is trying to convince Bug to put her foot on the big fountain. She would only stick to the small ones. Needless to say, both went to the car with soaked shoes. We had a great day. I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful family. Now we are home and I am finishing this blog so that I can get some studying complete.

bring it on

Yesterday, I walked in the morning and did my circuit workout in the evening. I didn't workout tonight, but will be back on it tomorrow morning. Today I also rejoined WW at my work. YAY. Our session should go through Christmas. I am feeling motivated. I want to use this time before we start trying again to test and get into better shape.

Other than that, things are good. I have to wait another three weeks to give blood. And I forgot to add when I received it, I am officially a card carrying bone marrow potential donor.

OK I need to get back to studying.

And the verdict is....

NORMAL. 1 year normal (less the slight hypo when I was pregnant). That means remission. My Dr doesn't want to see me again for a year. Since we will be trying to get pregnant soon she wants my blood tested without an appt in March. And since we don't know if I went hypo because of simply being pregnant or because of something wrong with the pregnancy, I am to call when I pregnant again. For now I am not hyper or hypo. I am normal. While I will always have thyroid issues in my medical history and there is a good chances I will be non-normal at some point, I am happy to be normal now.

Now I have no excuse not to study or lose weight.

Weekend Update by Missy

This weekend was good. Friday night we went to Jim's and I got to see MotoDiva. She is having a rough time and seeing her face to face was very nice.

Saturday was lunch with BestFriend with a lil shopping. After the shopping we dropped Bug off at Moms and we went home to prepare for date night.

What did we do first? Nap of course. Man it was nice. Then we went to our favorite sushi place and sat at the bar. We had WAY too much sushi - I had no idea Sweetie could pack away nearly 40 pieces of sushi. He ordered a lot on his own and then I couldn't finish mine, so you know how it is. We left to see a movie only to find out what we wanted to see was not being shown at the theater we went to and by the time we got to another theater the movie would have started.

We are no longer the party animals of our youth. And that is fine by us. We found ourselves back at home enjoying each other instead of staying out late. It was a great night.

Tonight though is when Sweetie really proved himself. As we were coming home from the store and errands we drove past his Uncle. He moved into our area a few months ago. Anyway, Uncle invited us to dinner. As I wanted my much desired bubble bath and to study, Sweetie offered to take Bug and go to dinner with the family while I had alone time. Let me repeat that, ALONE TIME. I was able to take my super hot bath with candles and a beer, in peace. It was wonderful. I didn't soak long as I wanted to get some studying done. I studied for nearly two hours. I got a lot done and am very happy with myself.

That was the weekend. It wasn't the most exciting, not a drop of rain from Ike. But sometimes not exciting is best. Next weekend should be more interesting as we take Bug to her first ballet.

For now I must prepare for bed, I have an early Dr appt with my Endo. I will post my results when I get into work...er I mean when I get home and am no longer on the clock ;-)

third post in a day

Yes, it is me again. I wanted to let everyone know that I am doing good. I thought I would check in as I already finished my studying for the night, gonna get ahead some now. Sweetie is hanging with his friend tonight so Bug and I went to get cupcakes. I had the pumpkin, so so so good. Unfortunately we had to leave early due to Bug having an accident. I am reminding myself that she is only 3 months into the training and this is only the third accident she has had in public. Once we got home we got ready for bed and I started studying. YAY. I am doing good with it. I also scheduled my test. I might have to rethink it though. I scheduled it for the last Saturday available for me, which is Nov 1st. That is cool as it is my FIL's b-day and I feel I would have him around to help me. But then it hit me, it is the day AFTER Halloween, at 8 in the morning. We shall see. I don't want to do it during work, don't want to use any PTO for it. I will talk to Sweetie about it.

OK so I am good, still hyper.

To Psycho Bitch in Red SUV

You are crazy. You are not better than anyone. When a road is closed down to one lane, it means you too. Just because your car can fit between the cones doesn't mean you SHOULD. And doing it to turn right without looking put you in MY way when I was turning in the legal manner. Yes, I honked. And I know you thought you were smart to pull over and get behind me. Surely I would lead you to my house. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME???? I have my daughter in my car, I am NOT that stupid. From the moment you got behind me I took wrong turns. You followed me THROUGHOUT my neighborhood to the next major street all the while on the phone. I don't know who you were talking to, nor do I care. I was in the right and I know that. I was hoping you would follow me to my husband, but no you lost interest. Fucking crazy bitch. I am sure you were coming from the gas station that is 12 cars deep due to the upcoming hurricane. Of course, it is going to hit here, run fast for the gas.

I agree with Tammy, I hate people.

So hyper today

I woke up feeling so good today. I am so hyper. I think it has to do with today I am two weeks out from my procedure. This means I am cleared for such things as exercise, a bubble bath (with wine please), and the most important SEX (WOOHOO). Sorry but it is true. Last night I had to return some maternity clothing. Yes, I know that I could become pregnant soon and would need the items. However, I would rather buy them then. I am, of course, keeping what I have already worn but I still had some items with the tags still on them. So I asked Bug if she would help me go shopping.

What does my darling daughter in 90 something degrees ask for? A coat! When I finished the return I said "you want to look at coats?" and she said "yes, one that keeps me cold, I am soooo cold". She has a "so cold" voice and she used that. It cracked me up. She picked her own coat and it is nice - pink, I know that was a shocker.

I also got me an outfit. A cute skirt and shirt. Nothing better than an outfit that makes you feel sexy. Today I feel sexy.

I went in the morning to the Vampires and hit starbucks on the way to work. It is my splurge after a dr/lab appt. I was so hyper. I am still pretty hyper. I worried about an upcoming crash due to how good I was feeling. So far that hasn't happened. I have been the most productive at work. I did everything in my in-box AND cleaned my desk. This is big for me.

So I am feeling good. I am listening to my lectures while I blog, err work, this afternoon. I am not sure what all we are doing tonight, but I am hoping for some sort of exercise, studying, and a bubble bath. Sweetie said he would take Bug to a park or something so I can take a bath by myself. I have not had that in quite some time. Yay.

I think the big thing is that I am out of the physical healing stage. That makes me feel normal again. I am still working on the emotional, but at least the physical is good.

Today I feel like life is moving on and I am a part of it. Now I think I shall work on my spreadsheets. I need to focus on my walking and my studying.

on the spot

Spontaneous that is. Yesterday BestFriend and I decided we needed some fun. She and I went with a guy friend of her's to see Tropic Thunder. It was funny. Sweetie planned a play date with a friend from work's three year old at the bounce place. They had a blast. All planned at the last minute and it was perfect.

Today I am doing good. I really think I am ready to get back into the whole walk/run/skipping thing. I have been good and following Drs orders and taking it easy. But now that I am at "normal" again, I am ready to get moving.

Tomorrow I give blood for my thyroid. I am not sure what it is going to say. I feel like it is better than in Aug. But I have no clue.