Happy Birthday Niece!!!!!!!!!
Today has been good. I am feeling so confident. I measured this morning. Since the beginning of September, I have lost another 1" off my chest, 1" off my waist, 1" off my hips, 1" off each thigh, 1" off each calf, and 8 pounds. I so ROCK. I am so happy.
Tomorrow is our big date. I will give a review of the Ballet this weekend. I also have a gathering to go to at MotoDiva's house on Sunday after church. I am hoping to meet up with a friend of mine that I have not seen since camp in 1989. Big weekend. And tomorrow starts my Saturday study sessions. I am so lucky to have my Sweetie. He is so supportive of everything that I do and is looking forward to some good quality time with Bug.
Yes, I am not working. It is the end of the month. Next week is going to be crazy. I shall rest while I can.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Music
I have many posts about music and I thought we needed some more :-)
Currently I am eating an apple, thank you Sweetie for going to the store, and listening to Tori. Specifically "I can't see New York" from her Scarlet's Walk CD (oh and working as well). I love this song. This got me thinking about music. Actually the thought started yesterday, but Tori reminded me, as I listened to Sarah Brightman's Time to say goodbye. I love this album. As I listened, I thought about my Sweetie. We are going to the ballet on Saturday. We love music, we love concerts. We adore the symphony and can't get enough of museums.
Why is this so important? I know of too many relationships where the two people do not agree on entertainment. My Sweetie and I agree on most things. I am very lucky with this. He loves to dress up and see a ballet or get comfortable or sit at the Backyard or Stubbs for a concert. And one of his favorite things is for us to cook a nice dinner together and watching a movie.
My Sweetie decided on a costume for Carnaval - rather skimpy and wonderfully sexy. I am still on track for mine, but I might change it up a bit with how good I am looking *grin*. There is nothing better than a husband who can't keep his hands off of you and says on a daily basis how thin you have gotten.
Tonight is family night since the remaining nights of the week are busy. Don't worry I will have time to study and exercise. Man I love this weather.
Currently I am eating an apple, thank you Sweetie for going to the store, and listening to Tori. Specifically "I can't see New York" from her Scarlet's Walk CD (oh and working as well). I love this song. This got me thinking about music. Actually the thought started yesterday, but Tori reminded me, as I listened to Sarah Brightman's Time to say goodbye. I love this album. As I listened, I thought about my Sweetie. We are going to the ballet on Saturday. We love music, we love concerts. We adore the symphony and can't get enough of museums.
Why is this so important? I know of too many relationships where the two people do not agree on entertainment. My Sweetie and I agree on most things. I am very lucky with this. He loves to dress up and see a ballet or get comfortable or sit at the Backyard or Stubbs for a concert. And one of his favorite things is for us to cook a nice dinner together and watching a movie.
My Sweetie decided on a costume for Carnaval - rather skimpy and wonderfully sexy. I am still on track for mine, but I might change it up a bit with how good I am looking *grin*. There is nothing better than a husband who can't keep his hands off of you and says on a daily basis how thin you have gotten.
Tonight is family night since the remaining nights of the week are busy. Don't worry I will have time to study and exercise. Man I love this weather.
Nice Weather
Currently it is 70 degrees. ABOUT TIME. It has been up to 111 degrees this past week. Thank goodness for this cold front. I want to sit outside and do nothing.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
great mood today
My mood is great today. I am enjoying the training and still hoping for her cubicle. Although, I must say that I have a great cube regardless.
Things are so wonderful. I had another co-worker tell me that I am skinny. That never hurts the 'ol ego. I had a wonderful lunch of homemade pimento cheese made by my Mother. I am nice and full from my healthy lunch. Today is a good day.
I am so comfortable in my skin. I am really liking the person I have become. Last night my Sweetie and I fell asleep with our arms and legs tangled together and holding each other close. Just before drifting off, I thought "this is what love is all about". This morning my Bug needed my arms to go back to sleep so I held her for an hour as we both slept. It was wonderful. Then as I got ready for work I watched my Sweetie and Bug snuggled together sleeping. They are my world. I love them so much.
You know that your confidence is up when you still have 35 pounds to lose but LIKE looking at yourself in the mirror naked. My real goal is to lose 4 more pounds. Then I will be in a much healthier weight range.
Things are not perfect, Sweetie still looking for a job and my job is very strange at the moment, but it is as close as it can be. I have a Sweetie who loves me so much and would do anything for me, a family who are a wonderful support network, and friends that I can rely on.
I am off for more training.
Things are so wonderful. I had another co-worker tell me that I am skinny. That never hurts the 'ol ego. I had a wonderful lunch of homemade pimento cheese made by my Mother. I am nice and full from my healthy lunch. Today is a good day.
I am so comfortable in my skin. I am really liking the person I have become. Last night my Sweetie and I fell asleep with our arms and legs tangled together and holding each other close. Just before drifting off, I thought "this is what love is all about". This morning my Bug needed my arms to go back to sleep so I held her for an hour as we both slept. It was wonderful. Then as I got ready for work I watched my Sweetie and Bug snuggled together sleeping. They are my world. I love them so much.
You know that your confidence is up when you still have 35 pounds to lose but LIKE looking at yourself in the mirror naked. My real goal is to lose 4 more pounds. Then I will be in a much healthier weight range.
Things are not perfect, Sweetie still looking for a job and my job is very strange at the moment, but it is as close as it can be. I have a Sweetie who loves me so much and would do anything for me, a family who are a wonderful support network, and friends that I can rely on.
I am off for more training.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Happy now
Other than a headache, ouch. I am doing better. I chatted with Bestfriend and Mom and they made me feel much better. Then I had lunch with my Sweetie. And finally I get to see BestFriend tonight - yayayayayayay.
Tapioca Pudding is no longer little balls of vomit
Tapioca pudding and cinnamon tea. This is my breakfast (other than some orange juice from my Sweetie earlier).
Today I woke up in a horrible mood. Everything was bothering me except Bug. First the alarm didn’t go off, Sweetie was taking too long to get up to get Bug, he went back to sleep when I told him to, I couldn’t find lunch, I couldn’t find breakfast……. The list goes on.
I tried to pick a fight. He would not have it. No matter how poor my mood was, he kept trying to make things correct. He said I should buy lunch and get something good. That is so sweet. I said I did not know what I wanted. He said he would make me bacon and eggs for breakfast. I pout about not having enough time. Then he says that I should have some orange juice and have tapioca at work.
While my mood is not great yet, he was so perfect. He kissed me, told me to have a good day, and reminded me that he never wants to lose me. He called me after dropping off bug. He keeps trying to get me into a better mood, and I think it is working. He is the best ever.
This weekend we are busy – again. My niece’s b-day is on Friday – 9 years old – WOW. Then on Saturday we have a date planned. We are seeing Carmina Burana performed by Ballet Austin. This is just our kind of thing. In 2001 or 2002, we saw this concert (without the addition of Ballet Austin). It is one of our favorite dates of all time. We purchased tickets at the last minute. When we went to the Will Call window, they did not have our tickets. To make up for this inconvenience they gave us better seats. It was so wonderful. We sat in very close to the same seats for Nutcracker.I am not sure what else we will do for this date. However, I know it will be wonderful.
I just have to get through this week. It is going to be rough. But I know I can do it. Now I have to figure out how to ask for her cubicle, lol. It is bigger and already has all her items.
I am doing better. Hopefully the day will improve greatly. And even if it doesn’t, going home to my Sweetie’s arms will make it better.
Today I woke up in a horrible mood. Everything was bothering me except Bug. First the alarm didn’t go off, Sweetie was taking too long to get up to get Bug, he went back to sleep when I told him to, I couldn’t find lunch, I couldn’t find breakfast……. The list goes on.
I tried to pick a fight. He would not have it. No matter how poor my mood was, he kept trying to make things correct. He said I should buy lunch and get something good. That is so sweet. I said I did not know what I wanted. He said he would make me bacon and eggs for breakfast. I pout about not having enough time. Then he says that I should have some orange juice and have tapioca at work.
While my mood is not great yet, he was so perfect. He kissed me, told me to have a good day, and reminded me that he never wants to lose me. He called me after dropping off bug. He keeps trying to get me into a better mood, and I think it is working. He is the best ever.
This weekend we are busy – again. My niece’s b-day is on Friday – 9 years old – WOW. Then on Saturday we have a date planned. We are seeing Carmina Burana performed by Ballet Austin. This is just our kind of thing. In 2001 or 2002, we saw this concert (without the addition of Ballet Austin). It is one of our favorite dates of all time. We purchased tickets at the last minute. When we went to the Will Call window, they did not have our tickets. To make up for this inconvenience they gave us better seats. It was so wonderful. We sat in very close to the same seats for Nutcracker.I am not sure what else we will do for this date. However, I know it will be wonderful.
I just have to get through this week. It is going to be rough. But I know I can do it. Now I have to figure out how to ask for her cubicle, lol. It is bigger and already has all her items.
I am doing better. Hopefully the day will improve greatly. And even if it doesn’t, going home to my Sweetie’s arms will make it better.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
A walk to ponder - long
I knew I needed to walk today. I know I need consistency. This morning was only 83 degrees, I like this temp. Alas, my Bug was not up to walking with me so she stayed home with daddy. This meant it was time for my first real walk alone. I walked alone for 20 and 22 minutes in July. However, then I was still cautious and careful. Since then my walks have been with my Bug and Sweetie and at night.
Today I walked alone. Today I fully walked. I am a walker. Deep down inside it is my "sport". Today proved this yet again.
As I prepared for my walk, I was a little worried. I planned to be out for only 20 minutes. Once I am outside, I see the beautiful blue sky - much like the sky for my Motorola Half Marathon in Feb 2004.
I start out.
Our neighborhood is filled with extra cars. Cars that belong to friends and family that reside in hurricane Rita's path. I listen to Orbital - Halcyon & on & on. I love this song.
My feet move, my arms swing. I feel the sun on my face. I see Jimmy, a pitbull in my neighborhood who is sweet as can be.
Flash back - Years ago, on a walk similar to this one, Jimmy got out of his yard. I always say "hello" to animals, helps to show that I am not afraid, and it is polite. He ran up to me. I swear he was smiling. He decided that I am friend material. He walked with me. Close enough that everyone thought he was mine. I figured if he followed me home I would take him in and try to find his home (I did not know where he lived at the time). A man walking a pitbull bitch came walking towards us. Jimmy ran up to the bitch, still smiling and I swear saying, "hello, wanna walk with me, I am having fun." The owner pulled her back, as she was not as happy to see Jimmy (I have no fear as to her being a bad dog, any girl would react if a goofy guy runs up - I have a very strong belief regarding punish the deed - not the breed - but I digress). The man said, "go home Jimmy". At the time we were across the street from his house. The man also added to me "he always gets out". Jimmy went home. I am not sure how the fence has been repaired. However, I have only seen him looking out his front window since that wonderful walk. I so badly want to go up, ring the doorbell, and ask if Jimmy can come out to play. He is by far the sweetest pit I have ever met, and with floppy ears, and white with a brown patch over one eye, I fell in love. - Back to current walk.
Not only did I see Jimmy, I saw another pit with the owner. The yard next to their walk had a sprinkler. The owneer released the leash enough for the dog to run through the water. It was a great sight. As I passes this point on my way back I had to hold myself back from doing the same thing.
I saw birds, big and small. I saw butterflies, of course. I saw a family of dragonflies. My alarm went off after 10 minutes. It was time to turn around. "No", I thought, I wanted to keep going. I restarted it. I decided for a 40 minute walk. Intensity is based on your ability to communicate. If you can sing, it is light. If you can talk but not sing, it is moderate. If you have trouble making complete sentences, it is high intensity. Today I walked at high intensity. While not fast, I have never been fast, I worked my body.
Side note - when did kids start buying plastic ramps for their bikes. A bunch of kids were on bikes and setting up this plastic ramp. In my day (oh my goodness, I have become old), kids made their own ramps, usually to their own detriment. But we were tough then, LOL. I simply smiled and used the reference to remember watching boys in my neighborhood attempt the perfect jump. Even my Sweetie had an accident on a homemade ramp.
I turned another corner, I was walking further than me and my sweetie had with only 5 extra minutes for the walk. I saw the fence that marks where we would turn around during our 40 minute walks during marathon training. The fence approached. I looked at my watch, I still had time. I passed the first fence. Then the second fence, I was sure I would not make this landmark. Alas, it came and went as well. The end of the street approached. My alarm went off just as I hit the end of the street. I felt great.
Thank you Rita. While you may not bring rain, you brought perfect walking conditions, in my opinion. The second half of my walk was filled with a wonderful cool breeze. Enough of a breeze to make the walk feel almost effortless, almost at least. I hit the last block. I was walking strong enough for me to feel the efforts in my buttocks and thighs. What a wonderful feeling. I get inside. The walk is complete. 40 minutes of high intensity walking. My face is red, my legs uneasy, and my throat needing water.
I sip on tap water. I take a shower. I feel fantastic.
Today I walked alone. Today I fully walked. I am a walker. Deep down inside it is my "sport". Today proved this yet again.
As I prepared for my walk, I was a little worried. I planned to be out for only 20 minutes. Once I am outside, I see the beautiful blue sky - much like the sky for my Motorola Half Marathon in Feb 2004.
I start out.
Our neighborhood is filled with extra cars. Cars that belong to friends and family that reside in hurricane Rita's path. I listen to Orbital - Halcyon & on & on. I love this song.
My feet move, my arms swing. I feel the sun on my face. I see Jimmy, a pitbull in my neighborhood who is sweet as can be.
Flash back - Years ago, on a walk similar to this one, Jimmy got out of his yard. I always say "hello" to animals, helps to show that I am not afraid, and it is polite. He ran up to me. I swear he was smiling. He decided that I am friend material. He walked with me. Close enough that everyone thought he was mine. I figured if he followed me home I would take him in and try to find his home (I did not know where he lived at the time). A man walking a pitbull bitch came walking towards us. Jimmy ran up to the bitch, still smiling and I swear saying, "hello, wanna walk with me, I am having fun." The owner pulled her back, as she was not as happy to see Jimmy (I have no fear as to her being a bad dog, any girl would react if a goofy guy runs up - I have a very strong belief regarding punish the deed - not the breed - but I digress). The man said, "go home Jimmy". At the time we were across the street from his house. The man also added to me "he always gets out". Jimmy went home. I am not sure how the fence has been repaired. However, I have only seen him looking out his front window since that wonderful walk. I so badly want to go up, ring the doorbell, and ask if Jimmy can come out to play. He is by far the sweetest pit I have ever met, and with floppy ears, and white with a brown patch over one eye, I fell in love. - Back to current walk.
Not only did I see Jimmy, I saw another pit with the owner. The yard next to their walk had a sprinkler. The owneer released the leash enough for the dog to run through the water. It was a great sight. As I passes this point on my way back I had to hold myself back from doing the same thing.
I saw birds, big and small. I saw butterflies, of course. I saw a family of dragonflies. My alarm went off after 10 minutes. It was time to turn around. "No", I thought, I wanted to keep going. I restarted it. I decided for a 40 minute walk. Intensity is based on your ability to communicate. If you can sing, it is light. If you can talk but not sing, it is moderate. If you have trouble making complete sentences, it is high intensity. Today I walked at high intensity. While not fast, I have never been fast, I worked my body.
Side note - when did kids start buying plastic ramps for their bikes. A bunch of kids were on bikes and setting up this plastic ramp. In my day (oh my goodness, I have become old), kids made their own ramps, usually to their own detriment. But we were tough then, LOL. I simply smiled and used the reference to remember watching boys in my neighborhood attempt the perfect jump. Even my Sweetie had an accident on a homemade ramp.
I turned another corner, I was walking further than me and my sweetie had with only 5 extra minutes for the walk. I saw the fence that marks where we would turn around during our 40 minute walks during marathon training. The fence approached. I looked at my watch, I still had time. I passed the first fence. Then the second fence, I was sure I would not make this landmark. Alas, it came and went as well. The end of the street approached. My alarm went off just as I hit the end of the street. I felt great.
Thank you Rita. While you may not bring rain, you brought perfect walking conditions, in my opinion. The second half of my walk was filled with a wonderful cool breeze. Enough of a breeze to make the walk feel almost effortless, almost at least. I hit the last block. I was walking strong enough for me to feel the efforts in my buttocks and thighs. What a wonderful feeling. I get inside. The walk is complete. 40 minutes of high intensity walking. My face is red, my legs uneasy, and my throat needing water.
I sip on tap water. I take a shower. I feel fantastic.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Come on Rain
While I can do without bad weather, I would like some rain. Looks like we might not get any of it.
the plans changed regarding family. uncles, aunts, one cousin, and second cousin did not come to austin, they headed to elewhere.
I am at work and want to be home. My head is hurting. I hate headaches. I hate that I took my medicine out of my wallet.
But my mood has been great today. Remember the guy from Revenue who I talked to in the break room? Well we were chatting today as his meal cooked. He said "and you have lost all the baby weight, congratulations". I told him how nice bug was to me and how I weigh less than before getting pregnant. He said "yes, I can tell, your face looks so much thinner". YAY ME!!!
AND today I weighed. Another 2 down. There is a new star on the side. I feel so good. I am on track for my b-day goal. My Sweetie tells me daily how good I am looking. Bring on the reunion.
the plans changed regarding family. uncles, aunts, one cousin, and second cousin did not come to austin, they headed to elewhere.
I am at work and want to be home. My head is hurting. I hate headaches. I hate that I took my medicine out of my wallet.
But my mood has been great today. Remember the guy from Revenue who I talked to in the break room? Well we were chatting today as his meal cooked. He said "and you have lost all the baby weight, congratulations". I told him how nice bug was to me and how I weigh less than before getting pregnant. He said "yes, I can tell, your face looks so much thinner". YAY ME!!!
AND today I weighed. Another 2 down. There is a new star on the side. I feel so good. I am on track for my b-day goal. My Sweetie tells me daily how good I am looking. Bring on the reunion.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Welcome Fall!!
Hello Fall, thank you for coming. However, I am concerned that you are not fully "into" your arrival. Today is your first day. Normally, I love this time of year. However, a high of 101 (a new record) is not fun. Please bring your cooler temperatures soon.
Random thoughts between training sessions
OK so I just finished my lunch - it was so good, a lean cuisine with salmon and spinach. This got me thinking, warning random thoughts ahead.
My Sweetie's favorite food is greens. This can be collard or spinach. He just loves them. It is a strange favorite food and one most people do not know. That and Friend Okra and I think he could make a meal of it. While I like both, my thing is icecream and chocolate. My sweet tooth went away when I was pregnant. That was one of my first signs, but I had no idea. Why couldn't it have stayed away.
Oct 1st is a 5k "walk with your doctor". We are hoping to go and show off Bug to my doctor and his nurses.
24 days until the reunion. I hope my company doesn't mind me working out while they are here. Although, it is very strange. I feel more confident in my skin than ever before. Even when I was skinny, I always thought I was fat. I can thank Brian Y. (not to be confused with Brian W, who I dated earlier in my freshman year) for a lot of that, boyfriend before my Sweetie. I weighed 115 pounds and he called me chunky. He is the one ex that I told my Sweetie he can punch. But no others.
I have contacted several people from HS. I am so looking forward to seeing them. I hope it doesn't suck completely. The Saturday night event is downtown. I have not gone there for clubs in so long. I might even get a little trashed. Who knows. The only problem is I can't get a hold of one that I REALLY want to see. She is friend of mine that I have known since 1st grade. Her b-day is the day after mine. I am not giving up. I think I will contact her parents, they still live in Leander.
I so don't want to be here today. I feel myself thinking of things to do instead of listening to the training. I must say computers have KILLED my handwriting. I hope I can read it once October comes.
OK I think that was random enough, back to training.
My Sweetie's favorite food is greens. This can be collard or spinach. He just loves them. It is a strange favorite food and one most people do not know. That and Friend Okra and I think he could make a meal of it. While I like both, my thing is icecream and chocolate. My sweet tooth went away when I was pregnant. That was one of my first signs, but I had no idea. Why couldn't it have stayed away.
Oct 1st is a 5k "walk with your doctor". We are hoping to go and show off Bug to my doctor and his nurses.
24 days until the reunion. I hope my company doesn't mind me working out while they are here. Although, it is very strange. I feel more confident in my skin than ever before. Even when I was skinny, I always thought I was fat. I can thank Brian Y. (not to be confused with Brian W, who I dated earlier in my freshman year) for a lot of that, boyfriend before my Sweetie. I weighed 115 pounds and he called me chunky. He is the one ex that I told my Sweetie he can punch. But no others.
I have contacted several people from HS. I am so looking forward to seeing them. I hope it doesn't suck completely. The Saturday night event is downtown. I have not gone there for clubs in so long. I might even get a little trashed. Who knows. The only problem is I can't get a hold of one that I REALLY want to see. She is friend of mine that I have known since 1st grade. Her b-day is the day after mine. I am not giving up. I think I will contact her parents, they still live in Leander.
I so don't want to be here today. I feel myself thinking of things to do instead of listening to the training. I must say computers have KILLED my handwriting. I hope I can read it once October comes.
OK I think that was random enough, back to training.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Thoughts
I am sitting at my kitchen table. My Bug is sleeping, her fever broke - thank goodness. My Sweetie is at Target getting supplies for the upcoming storm. I read that in 1961 a cat 1 hurricane hit this area and brought 22 tornados. I hope this cat 1 doesn't do the same. Although the hurricane people said we might have to board up our windows. We won't know until Friday. At least I don't have many windows.
I should be cleaning with family arriving in only hours. But I don't want to. Instead I paid bills, transferred balances, and am listening to a shuffle of Tori Amos, I love iTunes.
The good news? All our Houston relatives are coming to town. MIL wants us to get together on Friday night. I think it is a great idea. Plus it is good to be all together when we might not have power. But the truth is that coming includes two aunts, two uncles, one cousin, and one second cousin that have not met Bug. She must feel better in order to be the center of attention. Of course all these relatives are in-laws. But I consider them mine. I met them only after dating my Sweetie for a couple of weeks when I was 15. Nothing like jumping into the fire. The truth is that I love them because of the extended family that they are. I never had any aunts, uncles, or cousins. The closest was a second cousins on my mom's side that we never kept in touch with. Well I did see the girl second cousin when my Grandmother died. What I remember most is that my Mom's cousin has a daughter close to my age. My Grandpa went to visit (they have always lived out of state) when he returned he talked about her and I got so jealous. He was MY grandpa, what was he doing talking to other girls? Pretty recently, though, Mom has been e-mailing them. One day we will we will have a family reunion. But we must find that bible first ;-)
I should be cleaning with family arriving in only hours. But I don't want to. Instead I paid bills, transferred balances, and am listening to a shuffle of Tori Amos, I love iTunes.
The good news? All our Houston relatives are coming to town. MIL wants us to get together on Friday night. I think it is a great idea. Plus it is good to be all together when we might not have power. But the truth is that coming includes two aunts, two uncles, one cousin, and one second cousin that have not met Bug. She must feel better in order to be the center of attention. Of course all these relatives are in-laws. But I consider them mine. I met them only after dating my Sweetie for a couple of weeks when I was 15. Nothing like jumping into the fire. The truth is that I love them because of the extended family that they are. I never had any aunts, uncles, or cousins. The closest was a second cousins on my mom's side that we never kept in touch with. Well I did see the girl second cousin when my Grandmother died. What I remember most is that my Mom's cousin has a daughter close to my age. My Grandpa went to visit (they have always lived out of state) when he returned he talked about her and I got so jealous. He was MY grandpa, what was he doing talking to other girls? Pretty recently, though, Mom has been e-mailing them. One day we will we will have a family reunion. But we must find that bible first ;-)
Rita has me freaked
Family is in Houston and has had mandatory evacuation by tomorrow at noon. Cousin and his friend will head here starting 2 tomorrow morning, trying to miss the hours of traffic.
It is a category 5 now and 165 mph winds. 135mph is what hit New Orleans.
Just heard the news:
The Austin area can expect a level 1 to hit. Friday night winds will reach 40-50 MPH. Those in trailers and mobile homes are supposed to find elsewhere to stay. Power outage is likely. The weatherman said "we need rain, but not like this".
It is a category 5 now and 165 mph winds. 135mph is what hit New Orleans.
Just heard the news:
The Austin area can expect a level 1 to hit. Friday night winds will reach 40-50 MPH. Those in trailers and mobile homes are supposed to find elsewhere to stay. Power outage is likely. The weatherman said "we need rain, but not like this".
Bug Knows Music
Bug loves BonJovi she won't take her eyes off the tv, he is on oprah. So funny, guess I better buy a CD.
Bug is Sick
So she started with her runny rose on Saturday and Monday she had a fever and went to the doctor. The doctor gave us a prescription in case we needed it, but not to fill it right away. Yesterday no fever. We sent her to daycare today. Sure enough I got my first call from school. The phone rings and I see the school's name and I knew what it was, a fever. So I headed home because my Sweetie had an assessment test to take at 3. We got her medicine and as soon as she wakes up I will give it to her. Poor thing.
Good news is I started training for a new position of sorts today. MotoDiva helped me compose a letter to my boss after I found out a co-worker higher than me, but not above me, is leaving in less than 2 weeks. I think it is good. It will be a lot more work, not sure about pay raise or title change, but we shall see. It is a lot like the work I did at SKIDS, but with better people and a much larger company. My Boss said he is going to bring a temp in. I just have to prove to him that I can do the job and the temp should help my temp from maternity leave. I just have to try my hardest.
Last night my Brother, Mom, Sweetie, Bug, and I went to the lake where we scattered my dad's ashes. It was nice. We have to go back to scatter my mom's dog's ashes. Then we all went to dinner. It was good.
Today I woke up sad. Not sure exactly why, but there it was. Thought the day was going to be bad until my Boss talked to me. My hair is still falling out. Not fun at all. I can't wait for the new dosage to kick in. And because I am blogging about it, I finally called in to make my follow up appointment.
24 days to the reunion. I am so psyched. I cannot wait to see everyone. Although, everyone I know who has gone has been disappointed. We shall see. I just want to show off my baby. There are two of my old friends who had babies right around the time I had bug. Now I just have to be good with my Weight Watchers and exercise.
Alas, I have a baby crying for me. Until later.
Good news is I started training for a new position of sorts today. MotoDiva helped me compose a letter to my boss after I found out a co-worker higher than me, but not above me, is leaving in less than 2 weeks. I think it is good. It will be a lot more work, not sure about pay raise or title change, but we shall see. It is a lot like the work I did at SKIDS, but with better people and a much larger company. My Boss said he is going to bring a temp in. I just have to prove to him that I can do the job and the temp should help my temp from maternity leave. I just have to try my hardest.
Last night my Brother, Mom, Sweetie, Bug, and I went to the lake where we scattered my dad's ashes. It was nice. We have to go back to scatter my mom's dog's ashes. Then we all went to dinner. It was good.
Today I woke up sad. Not sure exactly why, but there it was. Thought the day was going to be bad until my Boss talked to me. My hair is still falling out. Not fun at all. I can't wait for the new dosage to kick in. And because I am blogging about it, I finally called in to make my follow up appointment.
24 days to the reunion. I am so psyched. I cannot wait to see everyone. Although, everyone I know who has gone has been disappointed. We shall see. I just want to show off my baby. There are two of my old friends who had babies right around the time I had bug. Now I just have to be good with my Weight Watchers and exercise.
Alas, I have a baby crying for me. Until later.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Sad Day
I miss my father today. 8 years ago he passed away suddenly. My Sweetie's father passed away suddenly 4 months before my dad, so he understands. I am extremely date oriented. Perhaps too much so.
Being at work has actually been good. I have been able to be distracted. I did almost start crying when I told my work friend Tiffany what today means to me. So I went to lunch with her and AP to celebrate her b-day (was on Friday).
So I thought today should be a post about him - it will be very random.
My father was a wonderful man. He was not perfect, but no one is. He was a great father. I remember on Christmas Eve he would read to us. He made the best popovers. He had a tattoo of a pyramid and a snake. When I touched it he would hiss. He was always so approving of my boyfriends, even if he was dying inside at my growing up. I took him to a career day when I was in 5th grade. He demonstrated about being a Surveyor. Although he didn't have a degree, he was very intelligent. Mind like a port-a-potty, full of useless shit, as he would say. He loved my Sweetie as if his own son. He told my Sweetie when asking for my hand in marriage, "either shit or get off the pot". While he did not get to attend my wedding, he did see the romantic proposal. He was a very talented musician. He taught himself the guitar. As a child he played the piano and violin. He always knew I would go back to school. He was great at math. He liked bad kung fu movies and butterscotch pudding. He taught me money wasn't important with happiness.
I miss him terribly. I was such a daddy's girl. I knew I could depend on him. I knew he would save the day. I see Bug look at my Sweetie the way I must have looked at my dad. There are many traits similar between my Sweetie and father. I simply have to keep my Sweetie around longer than 20 more years.
Being at work has actually been good. I have been able to be distracted. I did almost start crying when I told my work friend Tiffany what today means to me. So I went to lunch with her and AP to celebrate her b-day (was on Friday).
So I thought today should be a post about him - it will be very random.
My father was a wonderful man. He was not perfect, but no one is. He was a great father. I remember on Christmas Eve he would read to us. He made the best popovers. He had a tattoo of a pyramid and a snake. When I touched it he would hiss. He was always so approving of my boyfriends, even if he was dying inside at my growing up. I took him to a career day when I was in 5th grade. He demonstrated about being a Surveyor. Although he didn't have a degree, he was very intelligent. Mind like a port-a-potty, full of useless shit, as he would say. He loved my Sweetie as if his own son. He told my Sweetie when asking for my hand in marriage, "either shit or get off the pot". While he did not get to attend my wedding, he did see the romantic proposal. He was a very talented musician. He taught himself the guitar. As a child he played the piano and violin. He always knew I would go back to school. He was great at math. He liked bad kung fu movies and butterscotch pudding. He taught me money wasn't important with happiness.
I miss him terribly. I was such a daddy's girl. I knew I could depend on him. I knew he would save the day. I see Bug look at my Sweetie the way I must have looked at my dad. There are many traits similar between my Sweetie and father. I simply have to keep my Sweetie around longer than 20 more years.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Perfect Day
Before going to bed, yay for being well enough for work tomorrow, I wanted to write about our day.
After our long night with Bug we decided she was not up for church, Reverend Parker will have to wait until next week to meet her. Oh and it looks like November 6th will be her baptism day if all goes well. We went to the grocery store as normal and came back to start our day. My mom was having a sad day, missing my dad (it's been harder on both of us this year,) so I thought a day with Bug would help. She was nice enough to watch her while my Sweetie and I went to celebrate this important day.
Our day was fantastic. It couldn't have been better if planned. We went to the mall, just as we did last year. We enjoyed shrimp spring rolls at California Pizza and went to the Apple store to see the new iPod nano. It is so small!!
We enjoyed some time at the mall and then headed out again. The next stop? Dave and Busters. When we arrived we ordered some adult beverages and began to play billiards. By the way, I suck. We had a little food, a couple of shots, and turned in the balls in order to have some fun playing games. I totally rocked at that. I beat him twice at a car racing game and at the horse racing game. We turned in our tickets and got Bug a small soccer ball with D&B's logo on it.
After our fun we headed over to the Arboretum, such an important place for us as it was the location of our first date. We walked around a bit and went to Barnes and Noble. My Sweetie bought me a book of poetry. I need to write more poetry, I miss it. That along with my photography. Those have always been my creative outlets. My Sweetie also got me a iPhoto "how-to" book so I can learn about that program more. He is so wonderful in supporting my interests. Now the hard part is finding the time to do everything that I want with the CPA review.
After B&N we discovered we lacked cash for Amy's icecream. The solution? To go to the HEB and buy some icecream and sundae toppings. We brought it back and enjoyed the sundaes with my Mom - her payment for babysitting.
Such a wonderful wonderful day. A day to celebrate how much life can change in a year. TO celebrate how falling in love with a man again is so incredible. A year since our change, WOW!. That is all I can say, WOW. Now let me say it backwards WOW. Hehe one of my Sweetie's favorite sayings.
Now I am off to snuggle that man of mine. I am simply so happy right now.
A photo to close with: Bug with her favorite toy.
After our long night with Bug we decided she was not up for church, Reverend Parker will have to wait until next week to meet her. Oh and it looks like November 6th will be her baptism day if all goes well. We went to the grocery store as normal and came back to start our day. My mom was having a sad day, missing my dad (it's been harder on both of us this year,) so I thought a day with Bug would help. She was nice enough to watch her while my Sweetie and I went to celebrate this important day.
Our day was fantastic. It couldn't have been better if planned. We went to the mall, just as we did last year. We enjoyed shrimp spring rolls at California Pizza and went to the Apple store to see the new iPod nano. It is so small!!
We enjoyed some time at the mall and then headed out again. The next stop? Dave and Busters. When we arrived we ordered some adult beverages and began to play billiards. By the way, I suck. We had a little food, a couple of shots, and turned in the balls in order to have some fun playing games. I totally rocked at that. I beat him twice at a car racing game and at the horse racing game. We turned in our tickets and got Bug a small soccer ball with D&B's logo on it.
After our fun we headed over to the Arboretum, such an important place for us as it was the location of our first date. We walked around a bit and went to Barnes and Noble. My Sweetie bought me a book of poetry. I need to write more poetry, I miss it. That along with my photography. Those have always been my creative outlets. My Sweetie also got me a iPhoto "how-to" book so I can learn about that program more. He is so wonderful in supporting my interests. Now the hard part is finding the time to do everything that I want with the CPA review.
After B&N we discovered we lacked cash for Amy's icecream. The solution? To go to the HEB and buy some icecream and sundae toppings. We brought it back and enjoyed the sundaes with my Mom - her payment for babysitting.
Such a wonderful wonderful day. A day to celebrate how much life can change in a year. TO celebrate how falling in love with a man again is so incredible. A year since our change, WOW!. That is all I can say, WOW. Now let me say it backwards WOW. Hehe one of my Sweetie's favorite sayings.
Now I am off to snuggle that man of mine. I am simply so happy right now.
A photo to close with: Bug with her favorite toy.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Magic
written last night:
I am currently sitting on my couch listening to "Do what you have to do" by Sarah Mclachlan (of course).
My favorite part "glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow, and deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you. I know I can't be with you, I do what I have to do. Oh I know I can't be with you, I do what I have to do. But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go, don't know how to let you go, don't know how........to let you go. I don't know how to let you go."
Today has been good. We had lunch and hung out with Sam, Best Friend and her husband. Tonight is the first Saturday night in awhile where my Sweetie and I get to simply hang out. I have the monitor next to me while my sweetie is picking up some Taco Bell for dinner. Then we are going to be ultimate geeks and play Magic. We shall see how a completely random hand plays out.
updated this morning:
My Sweetie came back before I could post this. We played some magic while eating dinner. FYI a random hand is no good. I only had 9 monsters in a deck of 60. Before we finished our bug started crying. She was up most of the night feeling sick. No fever, but a stuffed up nose. The night was the worst yet. But want to know the best part? We double teamed it perfectly. I love my husband so much. He the most fantastic father ever.
Now I am off to the grocery store and a day with my Sweetie. It is a day for celebration. One year ago we conceived our bug.
I am currently sitting on my couch listening to "Do what you have to do" by Sarah Mclachlan (of course).
My favorite part "glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow, and deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you. I know I can't be with you, I do what I have to do. Oh I know I can't be with you, I do what I have to do. But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go, don't know how to let you go, don't know how........to let you go. I don't know how to let you go."
Today has been good. We had lunch and hung out with Sam, Best Friend and her husband. Tonight is the first Saturday night in awhile where my Sweetie and I get to simply hang out. I have the monitor next to me while my sweetie is picking up some Taco Bell for dinner. Then we are going to be ultimate geeks and play Magic. We shall see how a completely random hand plays out.
updated this morning:
My Sweetie came back before I could post this. We played some magic while eating dinner. FYI a random hand is no good. I only had 9 monsters in a deck of 60. Before we finished our bug started crying. She was up most of the night feeling sick. No fever, but a stuffed up nose. The night was the worst yet. But want to know the best part? We double teamed it perfectly. I love my husband so much. He the most fantastic father ever.
Now I am off to the grocery store and a day with my Sweetie. It is a day for celebration. One year ago we conceived our bug.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Finally Feeling Good
OK not perfect, but I will take it. Last night I still had a fever, BLAH. But I am happy to say that last night I slept, and well. Today I woke up feeling so much better. Still a bit of a sore throat, and a little weak, but overall good. I am home still, like the doctor said.
But I have great news. I weighed today, and I lost another 2 pounds. YAY for me. Yay for getting into the 150's. I know that means that everyone can do the math, but I don't care. I haven't been this weight since the beginning of 2002. AND today I decided to try on a skirt that I bought last year before getting pregnant, and could not fit into. Guess what I am wearing? And it fits so good.
More good news? Is that what you want? OK yesterday when I went to the doctor, I told them about my hair loss and how I was still losing weight so I didn't think that it was my thyroid. The NP had me give some blood. They called me today. My thyroid was too high. What is that? Yep too high. My dosage has been .5 since I found out it broke in Feb 04 and through my pregnancy. Now I have to go down to .25. How awesome is that? I am healthier!!! I didn't even know a lower dosage was possible. I thought only going up would be an option. I did ask if going on the lower dosage would slow my weight loss. The nurse said that it will not. To be safe I am going to start following WW better and exercising more.
Less than a month to the reunion. I AM PUMPED!!!
But I have great news. I weighed today, and I lost another 2 pounds. YAY for me. Yay for getting into the 150's. I know that means that everyone can do the math, but I don't care. I haven't been this weight since the beginning of 2002. AND today I decided to try on a skirt that I bought last year before getting pregnant, and could not fit into. Guess what I am wearing? And it fits so good.
More good news? Is that what you want? OK yesterday when I went to the doctor, I told them about my hair loss and how I was still losing weight so I didn't think that it was my thyroid. The NP had me give some blood. They called me today. My thyroid was too high. What is that? Yep too high. My dosage has been .5 since I found out it broke in Feb 04 and through my pregnancy. Now I have to go down to .25. How awesome is that? I am healthier!!! I didn't even know a lower dosage was possible. I thought only going up would be an option. I did ask if going on the lower dosage would slow my weight loss. The nurse said that it will not. To be safe I am going to start following WW better and exercising more.
Less than a month to the reunion. I AM PUMPED!!!
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Still Sick
I woke up this morning to a 101.X fever. I went to the doctor and I have an infection on my throat, YUCK. The good news is that I was able to take 10 days of antibiotics in one sitting. It was a drink, and gross, but hopefully it will work. I cannot go back to work until Monday. This means that there is no way that I can miss Tuesday.
My Sweetie is out getting me Chinese food, the only thing that sounds good. Hopefully I will start to feel better tonight. When I am sick like this I am cranky, emotional, and generally a not so fun person.
My Sweetie is out getting me Chinese food, the only thing that sounds good. Hopefully I will start to feel better tonight. When I am sick like this I am cranky, emotional, and generally a not so fun person.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Toe Pick
I was surfing IMDB and I found that Cutting Edge 2 is in production. The orginal is a cute movie. It is an important movie for my Sweetie and me. We saw it with my SIL and her friends on June 6, 1992. After the movie he told me for the first time, "I love you". I will watch this second act of this movie while not expecting much.
Curly Sue is also a special one, but we shall discuss this another time *wink*
Curly Sue is also a special one, but we shall discuss this another time *wink*
Sick :-(
A sign of things to come. Yummy table (right). Her hair is looking as wonderful as ever (below).
Today I am sick. I have been feeling less than wonderful for the last few days. I thought it was just allergies. Nope. Last night my throat started hurting worse and I downed water in attempt for it to cool my aching throat. This morning I woke up feeling like someone beat me. A low grade fever, chills, and sore throat determined that I must stay home. Luckily while my Sweetie ran out to get medicine, my Bug was so interested in watching the trees outside the window that I was thankfully able to keep resting.
It is so wonderful to have my Sweetie here to take care of me. I just finished my chicken noodle soup and taking another dose of medicine. I will be going back to sleep very soon. It is so strange to be in this house without my Bug. She is so wonderful. I do not know how my Sweetie does it. She is such a vital part of this home now.
Due to feeling sick, we did not walk. But I did get about 30 minutes of studying. That is very good. Now I must get more sleep so I can break this fever and play with my Bug when she gets home.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Frustration Ego Boost
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people tell me that I do not have as much weight to lose as I do. I know I should simply take this as a compliment. I am not basing it on wanting to look thin thin, I just want to be healthy. I base it on weight watchers guidelines. Today my co-workers and I were discussing weight watchers. They asked if I was still following and interrupted their comment with “oh you are just maintaining now, right?” I answered that I have 40 more pounds to lose and they freaked out. They asked where I am going to get 40 pounds. I repeated that it is what I have to lose. A mixture of feelings came over me. I feel happy that I hold my weight so well, I feel frustration that others say I am wrong. I never take this well.
Shortly after, I went into the restroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I can really tell the difference in my face. It is not even just from the end of my pregnancy, it is comparing to when I started working here.
Tonight is going to be fun. Sweetie and I do not watch many shows, but Gilmore Girls is one that we do. We waited all summer for tonight’s episode. This is one time I plan to be in front of the TV.
After we will enjoy our family walk, I will start my CPA review.
I am feeling so good today.
Shortly after, I went into the restroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I can really tell the difference in my face. It is not even just from the end of my pregnancy, it is comparing to when I started working here.
Tonight is going to be fun. Sweetie and I do not watch many shows, but Gilmore Girls is one that we do. We waited all summer for tonight’s episode. This is one time I plan to be in front of the TV.
After we will enjoy our family walk, I will start my CPA review.
I am feeling so good today.
Family History
I have been very into family history and such lately. This was a large chunk of our weekend. Friday night we had the family dinner at Mom’s due to her wanting to cook for the family. I am not going to say no. My mom has my Grandparents trunk in her bedroom. Inside you will find pictures, documents, and yearbooks from my grandparent’s day. There is even a picture of me in my wonder woman under-roos coloring eggs with my grandpa. I think I will send this photo in for the reunion.
Saturday, Sweetie’s cousin came into town. We played Munchkin with him, MIL, and Mom. It was fun. The rest of the evening was talking. It was a good visit.
Sunday we did not make the BBQ. I was not feeling well in the morning and we worried I would infect her baby girl. Instead, we went to the store, such fun, and hung out at the house. My Mom and Brother were there visiting when Bug turned over. Yay!
After they left, we packed up and went to MIL’s – it was after all Grandparents day. We got to talking and she pulled out photo albums. There is no way MIL can deny SIL. When you look at old photos, I swear they are of SIL instead of MIL. The main difference is that MIL is taller and SIL has red hair. We saw photos of Sweetie’s grandparents and great grandparents. It was wonderful. I will have to go back when I have more time. I want to make copies of some photos. I want Bug to know about those who are not with us.
I totally love this kind of thing. I love finding out things like the cost of milk in 1920, what they wore, what my grandmother’s body image was like. I would love to be a fly on the wall and see what my grandparents were like at my age.
Saturday, Sweetie’s cousin came into town. We played Munchkin with him, MIL, and Mom. It was fun. The rest of the evening was talking. It was a good visit.
Sunday we did not make the BBQ. I was not feeling well in the morning and we worried I would infect her baby girl. Instead, we went to the store, such fun, and hung out at the house. My Mom and Brother were there visiting when Bug turned over. Yay!
After they left, we packed up and went to MIL’s – it was after all Grandparents day. We got to talking and she pulled out photo albums. There is no way MIL can deny SIL. When you look at old photos, I swear they are of SIL instead of MIL. The main difference is that MIL is taller and SIL has red hair. We saw photos of Sweetie’s grandparents and great grandparents. It was wonderful. I will have to go back when I have more time. I want to make copies of some photos. I want Bug to know about those who are not with us.
I totally love this kind of thing. I love finding out things like the cost of milk in 1920, what they wore, what my grandmother’s body image was like. I would love to be a fly on the wall and see what my grandparents were like at my age.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Friends
OK so once the flood gates open you can't stop me.
What else is stressing me out right now? My friends. I love them dearly and they are not getting along right now. The worst part? I cannot fix it. This is something I do not like. I want to fix things. I want to make people happy. I do not know fully the reasons for the anger. However, I feel that there has to be a way past it.
I look back to my last time with these friends before having Bug. This made me so happy. Having all of them together and happy. If I found a magic lamp my three wishes would be: enough money so my time could be spent helping people, to end all harm against children, and for my friends to get along again.
There is more to the situation than I know. I know this. But I don't like it. MotoDiva isn't answering my e-mails. DarkDiva is canceling lunches with me. I have BestFriend, and if it boiled down to it, she is all I need. But I miss these other women. Are they annoying at times? Yes. Do they become self absorbed sometimes? Yes! Do they sometimes say things that they think are helping when they actually feel like a knife? YES!
Part of me wants to do an intervention and sit these women down and explain that they are ALL in my life and I am not going to go through a divorce with any of them. BestFriend brought me to these women. I need her to be a part of the group. DarkDiva told me it is BestFriend's responsibility to talk and move things along and I know BestFriend wants DarkDiva to make a move.
I understand that during hard times these women were easily pushed away. I, however, stood my ground. I let her feel her feelings and made sure she knew I was there, even if it was slightly to the side. I kept in contact through e-mail and instant messenger and waited for her to say it was time to see people. I discussed safe topics while bringing up the painful ones from time to time to make sure she knew I was not letting her push me away with small talk. I cry when she cries, I never want her to hurt.
There is more to it, I know.
She is not at work today and I am dying. I want to talk to her but don't want to disturb her and her husband.
I hate to say it, but sometimes you have to lower the bar with your friends. I don't mean in all ways. But when there are people who love you and care for you and you know that you care for them but somethings about them won't change, you have to expect that. For example DarkDiva does not approve of daycare for herself. I know this and I accept that she is going to say things about it.
I just never want to look back at my Shower photos and say "that was when we were all friends".
I found an photo of an old friend last night. And even though she betrayed me and hurt me, I still remember what good friends we were at the time the photo was taken. And as crazy as it sounds, I miss her in some aspects. And while these women would never hurt me (expect if chocolate was invoved, in that case BestFriend told me straight up she would take my chocolate) I don't want to wonder what happened and why we are no longer friends. I want to keep everyone as friends.
I guess it is the Girlscout in me:
Make new friends, but keep the old ones, one is silver and the other gold.
I am highly emotional today. And I know that is ok. It is funny, I was reading last year's posts and saw that tomorrow is when I went home and cried into my Bob cat. Guess all Septembers are hard for me. I know they are hard for DarkDiva now too, she lost both her parents during the month of September.
My meddling plans will continue. I ALWAYS try to make things better for my friends and family, rarely do I succeed.
No matter what, I am keeping my BestFriend, even if I have to drug her and stash her somewhere, she is mine. Seriously I just want everyone happy. We all seem to be going through so much right now. The biggest problem is that no one is talking about the real issues. I don't expect BestFriend to tell the others everything she tells me, that is what makes me the BestFriend to her. I am here to listen about everything and anything.
I am willing to beat sense into these women. We all need to sit down and talk. What I have ALWAYS admired most about this group is how different we all are. We are more like sisters than friends. I love this. And this means sometimes things are rocky. I just don't want everyone to lose focus to the point of everyone losing their friendships. We were a group of four. Now we are two groups of two.
OK I am tearing up now. going to close, stepping of soap box.
What else is stressing me out right now? My friends. I love them dearly and they are not getting along right now. The worst part? I cannot fix it. This is something I do not like. I want to fix things. I want to make people happy. I do not know fully the reasons for the anger. However, I feel that there has to be a way past it.
I look back to my last time with these friends before having Bug. This made me so happy. Having all of them together and happy. If I found a magic lamp my three wishes would be: enough money so my time could be spent helping people, to end all harm against children, and for my friends to get along again.
There is more to the situation than I know. I know this. But I don't like it. MotoDiva isn't answering my e-mails. DarkDiva is canceling lunches with me. I have BestFriend, and if it boiled down to it, she is all I need. But I miss these other women. Are they annoying at times? Yes. Do they become self absorbed sometimes? Yes! Do they sometimes say things that they think are helping when they actually feel like a knife? YES!
Part of me wants to do an intervention and sit these women down and explain that they are ALL in my life and I am not going to go through a divorce with any of them. BestFriend brought me to these women. I need her to be a part of the group. DarkDiva told me it is BestFriend's responsibility to talk and move things along and I know BestFriend wants DarkDiva to make a move.
I understand that during hard times these women were easily pushed away. I, however, stood my ground. I let her feel her feelings and made sure she knew I was there, even if it was slightly to the side. I kept in contact through e-mail and instant messenger and waited for her to say it was time to see people. I discussed safe topics while bringing up the painful ones from time to time to make sure she knew I was not letting her push me away with small talk. I cry when she cries, I never want her to hurt.
There is more to it, I know.
She is not at work today and I am dying. I want to talk to her but don't want to disturb her and her husband.
I hate to say it, but sometimes you have to lower the bar with your friends. I don't mean in all ways. But when there are people who love you and care for you and you know that you care for them but somethings about them won't change, you have to expect that. For example DarkDiva does not approve of daycare for herself. I know this and I accept that she is going to say things about it.
I just never want to look back at my Shower photos and say "that was when we were all friends".
I found an photo of an old friend last night. And even though she betrayed me and hurt me, I still remember what good friends we were at the time the photo was taken. And as crazy as it sounds, I miss her in some aspects. And while these women would never hurt me (expect if chocolate was invoved, in that case BestFriend told me straight up she would take my chocolate) I don't want to wonder what happened and why we are no longer friends. I want to keep everyone as friends.
I guess it is the Girlscout in me:
Make new friends, but keep the old ones, one is silver and the other gold.
I am highly emotional today. And I know that is ok. It is funny, I was reading last year's posts and saw that tomorrow is when I went home and cried into my Bob cat. Guess all Septembers are hard for me. I know they are hard for DarkDiva now too, she lost both her parents during the month of September.
My meddling plans will continue. I ALWAYS try to make things better for my friends and family, rarely do I succeed.
No matter what, I am keeping my BestFriend, even if I have to drug her and stash her somewhere, she is mine. Seriously I just want everyone happy. We all seem to be going through so much right now. The biggest problem is that no one is talking about the real issues. I don't expect BestFriend to tell the others everything she tells me, that is what makes me the BestFriend to her. I am here to listen about everything and anything.
I am willing to beat sense into these women. We all need to sit down and talk. What I have ALWAYS admired most about this group is how different we all are. We are more like sisters than friends. I love this. And this means sometimes things are rocky. I just don't want everyone to lose focus to the point of everyone losing their friendships. We were a group of four. Now we are two groups of two.
OK I am tearing up now. going to close, stepping of soap box.
Stress
Stress. It is a constant in my life. I get this from my Grandma. I am so much like her. Best Friend says I am stressed about the CPA. I admit it I am freaked out beyond words. I do not test well. I get testing anxiety. I am taking the hardest part, why again am I doing this? That is right, I want to better myself, get a better job, provide Serif with a great life and one day be able to afford a second child.
I have not started studying yet, trying to finish the book. I am excited about it. I just am scared. Hopefully I am testing on BestFriend's b-day. That will make it a double celebration.
This morning I am at work without any makeup. This is because I just about had to run out the door. My Sweetie turned off the alarm clock. Luckily I woke up before I was too late.
Last night was fun. MIL, Bug's Great Grandpa, and Mom all stopped by for a visit. Then we all decided to go to dinner. It was wonderful. It has been so long since we all had dinner without a holiday to celebrate.
This weekend is ANOTHER packed weekend. Tonight is family night with Brother, SIL, and Mom. Tomorrow Cousin is coming to town from Houston to meet Bug, and then on Sunday A is throwing a BBQ. Busy Busy.
Next weekend is all us. We plan to see no one if we can help it. Not sure the plans. But we are celebrating. One year since conception and Bug decided to change our life forever. I know I will post some sappy stuff next week on this subject.
I have a couple more hours left of work, I might just post again. Or I could do the work I am paid to do. Hmmmmm hard decision.
I have not started studying yet, trying to finish the book. I am excited about it. I just am scared. Hopefully I am testing on BestFriend's b-day. That will make it a double celebration.
This morning I am at work without any makeup. This is because I just about had to run out the door. My Sweetie turned off the alarm clock. Luckily I woke up before I was too late.
Last night was fun. MIL, Bug's Great Grandpa, and Mom all stopped by for a visit. Then we all decided to go to dinner. It was wonderful. It has been so long since we all had dinner without a holiday to celebrate.
This weekend is ANOTHER packed weekend. Tonight is family night with Brother, SIL, and Mom. Tomorrow Cousin is coming to town from Houston to meet Bug, and then on Sunday A is throwing a BBQ. Busy Busy.
Next weekend is all us. We plan to see no one if we can help it. Not sure the plans. But we are celebrating. One year since conception and Bug decided to change our life forever. I know I will post some sappy stuff next week on this subject.
I have a couple more hours left of work, I might just post again. Or I could do the work I am paid to do. Hmmmmm hard decision.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
UPDATE ON BUG!!!
I cannot believe I forgot to post. Last night Bug slept 7 hours, first time she has done this since starting daycare.
But the big news is that she slept in her crib from 10:30 until 3:30 - she only moved back to our room after her daddy got up with her and decided he didn't want to walk all the way across the house in only a couple of hours.
YAY BUG!!!!
But the big news is that she slept in her crib from 10:30 until 3:30 - she only moved back to our room after her daddy got up with her and decided he didn't want to walk all the way across the house in only a couple of hours.
YAY BUG!!!!
Naked Feelings
Only three months and my little girl is making my hair fall out. Actually I was quiet worried. However, BestFriend Erin helped me out. My hair has been falling out for a few weeks now - although nothing serious enough to cause bald spots, thank goodness. The last time this happened, and not this bad, it was my thyroid. Since I have been losing weight I do not think that is the issue this time - biggest sign of my thyroid being broken was my not able to lose weight and how easily I gained it. I went to WebMD and found out it is a sign of lupus, thyroid, low iron, hodgkin's lymphoma, pituitary gland disease, or sarcoidois. I was getting freaked out. I am taking iron and my thyroid medicine - so I feel it rules those two out. Then my BestFriend came to my rescue. I admitted my fear. Something I rarely do to anyone other than my Mom or Sweetie. She did more research and found that three months after having a baby or major surgery that hair can fall out. Hello, not only did I have a baby, I also had major surgery to do so. While this made me feel better, I have to admit I still have not made the appointment. I remember how scared I was when I got the call to get the results from my blood test when I found out about my thyroid. My paternal grandmother had cancer and it is my biggest fear. Which is why I try to take care of myself. Yay for another walk last night.
Speaking of torn emotions, while I was in the breakroom yesterday morning a girl who had a baby about 6 months ago entered the room. This, in and of itself, is not an issue. She looks great and that doesn't even bother me because I know I look great as well. What got to me was she was carrying the same breastpump in a backpack as I have. This brought a mixture of feelings. Part of me felt sad for not carrying my own backpack. The other part was so happy that I didn't have to tote a bag around like that. I think the second ended up being the winner. I love having my body back. I love my Sweetie being able to take care of Bug without waiting for me to pump. Plus since I was a formula baby I know that it works. And part of me feels guilty that I am so happy to not breastfeed. But this post is about admitting feelings and emotions. So there it is. That is also motherhood - from my whole three months of experience, it is all about a surf-n-turf of emotions.
My Sweetie received a call from a head hunter asking if he wanted to move. That is a hard topic with me. As much as I love Austin, my family, and my friends, I have never lived anywhere else. I have never fully been in a brand new place learning about new things. And I admit I admire those greatly who can pack up and move to a new city. I have faith though. I believe that path where we should be will open up for us and that is where we need to be. As long as I have my Sweetie and my Bug, I can survive anywhere. Not to mention, internet so I can keep in touch with my family and friends.
I am not sure of the plans tonight. A relaxed evening sounds good. However, there is laundry that must be put away before there is so much cat hair that I must rewash. I think it is time, three months after having Bug, that I take back some of the household chores that my Sweetie took on when we found out I was pregnant.
It is getting close to time for me to head out. Yay Bug!!!
Speaking of torn emotions, while I was in the breakroom yesterday morning a girl who had a baby about 6 months ago entered the room. This, in and of itself, is not an issue. She looks great and that doesn't even bother me because I know I look great as well. What got to me was she was carrying the same breastpump in a backpack as I have. This brought a mixture of feelings. Part of me felt sad for not carrying my own backpack. The other part was so happy that I didn't have to tote a bag around like that. I think the second ended up being the winner. I love having my body back. I love my Sweetie being able to take care of Bug without waiting for me to pump. Plus since I was a formula baby I know that it works. And part of me feels guilty that I am so happy to not breastfeed. But this post is about admitting feelings and emotions. So there it is. That is also motherhood - from my whole three months of experience, it is all about a surf-n-turf of emotions.
My Sweetie received a call from a head hunter asking if he wanted to move. That is a hard topic with me. As much as I love Austin, my family, and my friends, I have never lived anywhere else. I have never fully been in a brand new place learning about new things. And I admit I admire those greatly who can pack up and move to a new city. I have faith though. I believe that path where we should be will open up for us and that is where we need to be. As long as I have my Sweetie and my Bug, I can survive anywhere. Not to mention, internet so I can keep in touch with my family and friends.
I am not sure of the plans tonight. A relaxed evening sounds good. However, there is laundry that must be put away before there is so much cat hair that I must rewash. I think it is time, three months after having Bug, that I take back some of the household chores that my Sweetie took on when we found out I was pregnant.
It is getting close to time for me to head out. Yay Bug!!!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Walking, Suhshi, and Bug
I am back. I knew I would be. Working so hard today and I love it. I get to leave soon to pick up my Bug. Then we are going to head over to the store and pick up some dinner. I am wanting sushi. YumYum.
Last night we enjoyed another walk. These walks are very special. The walks force us to leave the clatter of television, the distraction of studying, and general addictive annoyance of the computer. We walk when it is dark, our neighborhood quiet. We discuss our day, our dreams, our plans, our future. These walks are highly important for our health, mental, physical, and emotional.
While my husband loves to walk with me, he understands that soon I will need to walk on my own. I still long to walk without purpose, time or distance goals, and simply go where my feet take me. I am anal enough that this has not really happened before. Walking and bubble baths are great stress relief. I cannot wait until I can take another bubble bath. I have not taken one since my last pampering session before Bug’s arrival.
It is slightly cooler today – only in the lower 90s now. That is a much improvement to the 11 days over 100. I plan to take my family back to the Wildflower center to watch the butterflies soon.
Tonight I am going to enjoy some CPA review as well as trying to finish reading my book. I am reading it slowly knowing that the next installment will not be around for another two years at least.
I see the time is close for me to leave to pick up my Bug. I miss her so much today. She was not feeling well this morning. I must go and make sure she is feeling better.
Last night we enjoyed another walk. These walks are very special. The walks force us to leave the clatter of television, the distraction of studying, and general addictive annoyance of the computer. We walk when it is dark, our neighborhood quiet. We discuss our day, our dreams, our plans, our future. These walks are highly important for our health, mental, physical, and emotional.
While my husband loves to walk with me, he understands that soon I will need to walk on my own. I still long to walk without purpose, time or distance goals, and simply go where my feet take me. I am anal enough that this has not really happened before. Walking and bubble baths are great stress relief. I cannot wait until I can take another bubble bath. I have not taken one since my last pampering session before Bug’s arrival.
It is slightly cooler today – only in the lower 90s now. That is a much improvement to the 11 days over 100. I plan to take my family back to the Wildflower center to watch the butterflies soon.
Tonight I am going to enjoy some CPA review as well as trying to finish reading my book. I am reading it slowly knowing that the next installment will not be around for another two years at least.
I see the time is close for me to leave to pick up my Bug. I miss her so much today. She was not feeling well this morning. I must go and make sure she is feeling better.
Picture Perfect
First I have to say - HAPPY THREE MONTHS BABY GIRL!!!
I didn't post yesterday and it appears that I was missed. So here I am. I have been so busy at work today and yesterday. When you tell your boss that you do not have enough to do, you get work. This is a good thing. I am doing things that I have not done before at this company. That is good for me.
I am feeling good today. Last night I let my Sweetie take a nap. When I went to wake him up to make dinner, I gave him Bug. While I was cooking I noticed how it was very quiet. I went to check on them and sure enough they were both sound asleep. They are so wonderful together. Of course I had to grab the camera and take a picture.
OK I have to get back to researching variances. YAY. I will post more later.
I didn't post yesterday and it appears that I was missed. So here I am. I have been so busy at work today and yesterday. When you tell your boss that you do not have enough to do, you get work. This is a good thing. I am doing things that I have not done before at this company. That is good for me.
I am feeling good today. Last night I let my Sweetie take a nap. When I went to wake him up to make dinner, I gave him Bug. While I was cooking I noticed how it was very quiet. I went to check on them and sure enough they were both sound asleep. They are so wonderful together. Of course I had to grab the camera and take a picture.
OK I have to get back to researching variances. YAY. I will post more later.
Monday, September 05, 2005
How Fair This Place
So much on my mind tonight. I got my CPA Eligibility Application ready. This means it is set that I am to take the Financial Accounting and Reporting section of the CPA. I hope to take it on November 30th. This is going to be hard work, but I am excited about it. I am going to be studying about 8 hours a week. Not as much as with the MBA, but being a mom counts towards a lot of my time.
This month is hard, as I have stated before. I lost my father almost 8 years ago. This year is much harder than the last few years (although they are all hard). On top of missing him because of my accomplishments with work and school, he never got to see me married or his Granddaughter. I am sure it is also because of Katrina, but I so fear losing my Sweetie or Bug. I also fear myself dying and not being here to enjoy everything and everyone.
My depression has not been bad, but my mind keep wandering to subjects of contemplation. This weekend was a great distraction. We spent Friday with Brother, SIL, and Mom; Saturday with Erin and James; and Sunday afternoon with Mom, MIL, Bug's Great Grandpa, SIL, and niece; then the evening with Erin, James, and Sam. All in all a great weekend. Today has been so laid back. We did get laundry done. Other than that it has been enjoying our baby and getting ready for what tomorrow brings.
Most of being a Mom is not as hard as I thought it would be. The hours of sleep have been pretty easy to adjust to. Having her around all the time is wonderful. Watching my Sweetie with her is fantastic. He is the best dad I have ever met. He is so involved. He is the most wonderful man, I know everyone is tired of hearing this.
I enjoyed some time outside on my swing with my Bug. It was so nice just holding her and enjoying the slightly cooler weather. I have my next doctor's appointment on the 20th, the anniversary of my Dad's death. I am going to enjoy some time at the lake where we scattered his ashes.
On the subject of depression, I took myself off the meds a couple of weeks ago. I hate being on them and since we started walking, I knew that I could do without them.
I can't forget to write about the good in this month as well. Last year this month is when we conceived our Angel. I cannot imagine life without her, she is so wonderful. She is growing everyday. I will post some photos so you can see.
OK this has been enough thoughts for the day. I need to go to bed and read a little before drifting off to sleep and getting up early tomorrow.
This month is hard, as I have stated before. I lost my father almost 8 years ago. This year is much harder than the last few years (although they are all hard). On top of missing him because of my accomplishments with work and school, he never got to see me married or his Granddaughter. I am sure it is also because of Katrina, but I so fear losing my Sweetie or Bug. I also fear myself dying and not being here to enjoy everything and everyone.
My depression has not been bad, but my mind keep wandering to subjects of contemplation. This weekend was a great distraction. We spent Friday with Brother, SIL, and Mom; Saturday with Erin and James; and Sunday afternoon with Mom, MIL, Bug's Great Grandpa, SIL, and niece; then the evening with Erin, James, and Sam. All in all a great weekend. Today has been so laid back. We did get laundry done. Other than that it has been enjoying our baby and getting ready for what tomorrow brings.
Most of being a Mom is not as hard as I thought it would be. The hours of sleep have been pretty easy to adjust to. Having her around all the time is wonderful. Watching my Sweetie with her is fantastic. He is the best dad I have ever met. He is so involved. He is the most wonderful man, I know everyone is tired of hearing this.
I enjoyed some time outside on my swing with my Bug. It was so nice just holding her and enjoying the slightly cooler weather. I have my next doctor's appointment on the 20th, the anniversary of my Dad's death. I am going to enjoy some time at the lake where we scattered his ashes.
On the subject of depression, I took myself off the meds a couple of weeks ago. I hate being on them and since we started walking, I knew that I could do without them.
I can't forget to write about the good in this month as well. Last year this month is when we conceived our Angel. I cannot imagine life without her, she is so wonderful. She is growing everyday. I will post some photos so you can see.
OK this has been enough thoughts for the day. I need to go to bed and read a little before drifting off to sleep and getting up early tomorrow.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
A Little Dose of Evil and Weight Loss
First let's get to the REALLY important part, weight loss. I weigh myself weekly and measure myself monthly. It is that time. Overall, I have lost 30 pounds (please note the new star under weight watcher achievements) since before I was pregnant and I hit my all time high. For anyone confused it goes like this mid-August 2004 weightloss (all numbers from this point) = 0, get pregnant Sept 18th = -3, June 7th before having my baby = +2 (overall a 5 pound gain with the pregnancy), August 1st = -24, Sept 3rd = -30. Hope that makes sense, it does in my Accountant Brain.
Now measurements. Since August 1st (and with only doing Weight Watchers and walking a few times a week) Weight - down 6 (great loss for a month), Waist down 1.5, Hips down 1, Arm = down 1 each, Chest (under breasts) down 2, Thighs down 1/2 each, calf +1/2 each (this one is strange). Overall, I am down another size this month YOO HOO.
The overall loss is hard because the only measurements I have are from 7 pounds below my highest and as I showed above, that can be a size.
I can't wait to see what next month brings.
This weekend we are getting together with BestFriend Erin, James her husband, and Sam. I will make sure that I use that day as my off day.
Now for the little bit of evil. James (best friend's husband)says that my blog is flawed and does not show how complex I am. When I ask him about this he said it does not show enough evil.
So how do I add evil? I am not sure, you can ask any Scorpio and we will tell you that we are the sweetest people, to your face at least. I know some would consider a woman only gaining 5 pounds during pregnancy as evil. But honestly, I am the nicest person I know, how can I be evil?
I must close now, my Bug STINKS!!! Then we are off to see BestFriend, YAY.
Now measurements. Since August 1st (and with only doing Weight Watchers and walking a few times a week) Weight - down 6 (great loss for a month), Waist down 1.5, Hips down 1, Arm = down 1 each, Chest (under breasts) down 2, Thighs down 1/2 each, calf +1/2 each (this one is strange). Overall, I am down another size this month YOO HOO.
The overall loss is hard because the only measurements I have are from 7 pounds below my highest and as I showed above, that can be a size.
I can't wait to see what next month brings.
This weekend we are getting together with BestFriend Erin, James her husband, and Sam. I will make sure that I use that day as my off day.
Now for the little bit of evil. James (best friend's husband)says that my blog is flawed and does not show how complex I am. When I ask him about this he said it does not show enough evil.
So how do I add evil? I am not sure, you can ask any Scorpio and we will tell you that we are the sweetest people, to your face at least. I know some would consider a woman only gaining 5 pounds during pregnancy as evil. But honestly, I am the nicest person I know, how can I be evil?
I must close now, my Bug STINKS!!! Then we are off to see BestFriend, YAY.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
First Day
Her first day was quite a success. She ate, slept, looked at the babies, had a great time. When I picked her up she was sleeping. I woke her and fed her. While I fed her I spoke with the teachers. They are so wonderful. They created a picture of Bug's feet and a note about her first day. Tonight after she goes to sleep my Sweetie and I get to create signs for her crib and bulletin board - such fun. We went to Target tonight and got some neat stickers and such. My Sweetie is really into the idea of me scrapbooking. He wants me to work on Bug's book as well as our honey moon and such.
All in all great day. I have a baby sleeping in my arms now. I love her so much. My Sweetie said he is going to visit her tomorrow during lunch again. All is good.
I am so happy with the daycare we picked. She is going to thrive.
All in all great day. I have a baby sleeping in my arms now. I love her so much. My Sweetie said he is going to visit her tomorrow during lunch again. All is good.
I am so happy with the daycare we picked. She is going to thrive.
I Am In Charge Here
On my post about dropping Serif off at school, I received a comment. Yes, the comment has been removed. I cannot believe someone posted this. The comment said along the lines that I am a bitch for sending my daughter to daycare. Well, I have some things to say.
First, I am doing what is best for MY family. I am a better mother for going to work. Unfortunately, I do not have the choice about working at this point in time. While I am surprised about someone who has had two abortions and considering another calling me a bad mother, I would never call her a bitch, let alone on her little piece of cyberspace. My reason? No matter how it sounds, I do not know the situation. I have never lived in her shoes. Therefore, even if it is something I do not think I could ever do, I can not judge because I do not know.
I have mixed feelings about working. Part of me says I should stay home. The problem there is the sense of self that one loses. I know people who have had this happen. Staying home for the 12 weeks was wonderful, mostly because I was paid 100% for the whole time. However, my depression was worse, although not horrible. I have been doing so good the last two days.
I know women who stay home. For all the SAHMs out there - WAY TO GO!!! It is a hard job. I love my job and what I do. I love using my brain and solving puzzles. I love that I have my MBA and use it. I am about to sit for a very hard test and I am excited about it.
If we could afford it, I am not sure of what my decision would be. However, the truth is that my mom and Sweetie said that they thought I would do best at work. I am lucky. I have flextime. I go in early and leave at 4, that way I get hours with her. I can work from home if needed and I have 26 weeks of sick time a year - this counts towards family as well as myself.
I know of women who had to go back to work after only four weeks. I cannot imagine that. I am so lucky to have 12 weeks with this wonderful girl. I believe parenting is about love and quality. I believe 15 hours of quality time is better than 24 hours of so-so.
So with that, this is my Blog. I would appreciate it if those who disapprove and continue to read, although I don't understand why one would continue to read when there is such strong negative feelings, please keep your opinions to yourself.
First, I am doing what is best for MY family. I am a better mother for going to work. Unfortunately, I do not have the choice about working at this point in time. While I am surprised about someone who has had two abortions and considering another calling me a bad mother, I would never call her a bitch, let alone on her little piece of cyberspace. My reason? No matter how it sounds, I do not know the situation. I have never lived in her shoes. Therefore, even if it is something I do not think I could ever do, I can not judge because I do not know.
I have mixed feelings about working. Part of me says I should stay home. The problem there is the sense of self that one loses. I know people who have had this happen. Staying home for the 12 weeks was wonderful, mostly because I was paid 100% for the whole time. However, my depression was worse, although not horrible. I have been doing so good the last two days.
I know women who stay home. For all the SAHMs out there - WAY TO GO!!! It is a hard job. I love my job and what I do. I love using my brain and solving puzzles. I love that I have my MBA and use it. I am about to sit for a very hard test and I am excited about it.
If we could afford it, I am not sure of what my decision would be. However, the truth is that my mom and Sweetie said that they thought I would do best at work. I am lucky. I have flextime. I go in early and leave at 4, that way I get hours with her. I can work from home if needed and I have 26 weeks of sick time a year - this counts towards family as well as myself.
I know of women who had to go back to work after only four weeks. I cannot imagine that. I am so lucky to have 12 weeks with this wonderful girl. I believe parenting is about love and quality. I believe 15 hours of quality time is better than 24 hours of so-so.
So with that, this is my Blog. I would appreciate it if those who disapprove and continue to read, although I don't understand why one would continue to read when there is such strong negative feelings, please keep your opinions to yourself.
And so I cried
Yes, I cried. My Sweetie and I took her to her daycare this morning. I was good, I thought I wouldn’t cry. Then as I was taking her around the room and introducing her to kids, I started tearing up. I still thought I was strong. Then as I was hugging her goodbye I started crying. Big tears down my cheek. Why? Because I knew I would miss her. I trust the daycare. I trust that this is best for her, but I love my Bug. The teacher started to tear up and said “I take care of these babies like they are my own, and I have two”. This made it better. Her crib is in a good location and right next to another girl’s crib. We have to take pictures and such to decorate. The school also said we can bring a disposable camera and they will take pictures of her for us. Her daddy went and visited her at 11 and was able to see many smiles.
I have work to do, but I am distracted. Blah. Now I count the minutes until I get to get my Bug and squeeze her.
I have work to do, but I am distracted. Blah. Now I count the minutes until I get to get my Bug and squeeze her.
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