Naked Feelings

Only three months and my little girl is making my hair fall out. Actually I was quiet worried. However, BestFriend Erin helped me out. My hair has been falling out for a few weeks now - although nothing serious enough to cause bald spots, thank goodness. The last time this happened, and not this bad, it was my thyroid. Since I have been losing weight I do not think that is the issue this time - biggest sign of my thyroid being broken was my not able to lose weight and how easily I gained it. I went to WebMD and found out it is a sign of lupus, thyroid, low iron, hodgkin's lymphoma, pituitary gland disease, or sarcoidois. I was getting freaked out. I am taking iron and my thyroid medicine - so I feel it rules those two out. Then my BestFriend came to my rescue. I admitted my fear. Something I rarely do to anyone other than my Mom or Sweetie. She did more research and found that three months after having a baby or major surgery that hair can fall out. Hello, not only did I have a baby, I also had major surgery to do so. While this made me feel better, I have to admit I still have not made the appointment. I remember how scared I was when I got the call to get the results from my blood test when I found out about my thyroid. My paternal grandmother had cancer and it is my biggest fear. Which is why I try to take care of myself. Yay for another walk last night.

Speaking of torn emotions, while I was in the breakroom yesterday morning a girl who had a baby about 6 months ago entered the room. This, in and of itself, is not an issue. She looks great and that doesn't even bother me because I know I look great as well. What got to me was she was carrying the same breastpump in a backpack as I have. This brought a mixture of feelings. Part of me felt sad for not carrying my own backpack. The other part was so happy that I didn't have to tote a bag around like that. I think the second ended up being the winner. I love having my body back. I love my Sweetie being able to take care of Bug without waiting for me to pump. Plus since I was a formula baby I know that it works. And part of me feels guilty that I am so happy to not breastfeed. But this post is about admitting feelings and emotions. So there it is. That is also motherhood - from my whole three months of experience, it is all about a surf-n-turf of emotions.

My Sweetie received a call from a head hunter asking if he wanted to move. That is a hard topic with me. As much as I love Austin, my family, and my friends, I have never lived anywhere else. I have never fully been in a brand new place learning about new things. And I admit I admire those greatly who can pack up and move to a new city. I have faith though. I believe that path where we should be will open up for us and that is where we need to be. As long as I have my Sweetie and my Bug, I can survive anywhere. Not to mention, internet so I can keep in touch with my family and friends.

I am not sure of the plans tonight. A relaxed evening sounds good. However, there is laundry that must be put away before there is so much cat hair that I must rewash. I think it is time, three months after having Bug, that I take back some of the household chores that my Sweetie took on when we found out I was pregnant.

It is getting close to time for me to head out. Yay Bug!!!