Friends

OK so once the flood gates open you can't stop me.

What else is stressing me out right now? My friends. I love them dearly and they are not getting along right now. The worst part? I cannot fix it. This is something I do not like. I want to fix things. I want to make people happy. I do not know fully the reasons for the anger. However, I feel that there has to be a way past it.

I look back to my last time with these friends before having Bug. This made me so happy. Having all of them together and happy. If I found a magic lamp my three wishes would be: enough money so my time could be spent helping people, to end all harm against children, and for my friends to get along again.

There is more to the situation than I know. I know this. But I don't like it. MotoDiva isn't answering my e-mails. DarkDiva is canceling lunches with me. I have BestFriend, and if it boiled down to it, she is all I need. But I miss these other women. Are they annoying at times? Yes. Do they become self absorbed sometimes? Yes! Do they sometimes say things that they think are helping when they actually feel like a knife? YES!

Part of me wants to do an intervention and sit these women down and explain that they are ALL in my life and I am not going to go through a divorce with any of them. BestFriend brought me to these women. I need her to be a part of the group. DarkDiva told me it is BestFriend's responsibility to talk and move things along and I know BestFriend wants DarkDiva to make a move.

I understand that during hard times these women were easily pushed away. I, however, stood my ground. I let her feel her feelings and made sure she knew I was there, even if it was slightly to the side. I kept in contact through e-mail and instant messenger and waited for her to say it was time to see people. I discussed safe topics while bringing up the painful ones from time to time to make sure she knew I was not letting her push me away with small talk. I cry when she cries, I never want her to hurt.

There is more to it, I know.

She is not at work today and I am dying. I want to talk to her but don't want to disturb her and her husband.

I hate to say it, but sometimes you have to lower the bar with your friends. I don't mean in all ways. But when there are people who love you and care for you and you know that you care for them but somethings about them won't change, you have to expect that. For example DarkDiva does not approve of daycare for herself. I know this and I accept that she is going to say things about it.

I just never want to look back at my Shower photos and say "that was when we were all friends".

I found an photo of an old friend last night. And even though she betrayed me and hurt me, I still remember what good friends we were at the time the photo was taken. And as crazy as it sounds, I miss her in some aspects. And while these women would never hurt me (expect if chocolate was invoved, in that case BestFriend told me straight up she would take my chocolate) I don't want to wonder what happened and why we are no longer friends. I want to keep everyone as friends.

I guess it is the Girlscout in me:

Make new friends, but keep the old ones, one is silver and the other gold.

I am highly emotional today. And I know that is ok. It is funny, I was reading last year's posts and saw that tomorrow is when I went home and cried into my Bob cat. Guess all Septembers are hard for me. I know they are hard for DarkDiva now too, she lost both her parents during the month of September.

My meddling plans will continue. I ALWAYS try to make things better for my friends and family, rarely do I succeed.

No matter what, I am keeping my BestFriend, even if I have to drug her and stash her somewhere, she is mine. Seriously I just want everyone happy. We all seem to be going through so much right now. The biggest problem is that no one is talking about the real issues. I don't expect BestFriend to tell the others everything she tells me, that is what makes me the BestFriend to her. I am here to listen about everything and anything.

I am willing to beat sense into these women. We all need to sit down and talk. What I have ALWAYS admired most about this group is how different we all are. We are more like sisters than friends. I love this. And this means sometimes things are rocky. I just don't want everyone to lose focus to the point of everyone losing their friendships. We were a group of four. Now we are two groups of two.

OK I am tearing up now. going to close, stepping of soap box.