Dreams, Weight, Running, and Montana

I love this picture, I know I am a horrible mom, but is this not the cutest?

Ever have a dream that causes you to wake up happy? Well, no that is not correct, not just an emotion, more of a realization. Let me try to explain. I had a dream this morning. It involved someone who wronged me, someone who was a dear friend of mine at the end of high school. The details of the dream, or why we are no longer friends are not important. However, the dream showed my acceptance of the past as a path to where we are today. Even that does not describe how I felt. It was a dream that opened my eyes to my own forgiveness. I thought I had forgiven. However, forgiveness is not black and white. It has many layers. Yes, I had gotten through the top few layers. However, this dream showed me that I have uncovered even more, thicker layers. The biggest aspect of this dream was that I was face to face with this person. I have not seen her in over 9 years, although we have e-mailed more recently. This was my first dream really face to face with her. What made me really stop and think was the lack of anger or emotion with this confrontation. I know it was only in a dream, but I felt a relief when I awoke.

The feeling of forgiveness is wonderful.

I was also running in this dream, this is a common theme in my dreams. I have researched this and the meaning of the dream depends on the effort of the running. Meaning if the running is hard and labored this means that you feel your life is out of control. However, if it was effortless, like in my dream, it means a successful feeling of life and a control of what is happening around you, like keeping up with everything. I am happy to say that all my running dreams are effortless.

Of course, a running dream makes sense with JuneBug and CPA. Also dreaming about past people makes sense. Since JuneBug’s arrival, actually conception, I have had a strong need and desire regarding my family and friends. This actually goes hand in hand with my self confidence. Feeling comfortable in my own skin and with who I am and the life I live makes me feel confident and able in my abilities to keep my family and friends close. It also gives me the ability to see the past, and those who wronged me and such, with different eyes, in an attempt to understand and come to the needed conclusion of forgiveness.

Another realization is that I really am comfortable in my skin. I am overweight, this is true. I have lost 24 pounds since last year at this time. However, during this time I had a beautiful baby girl and I have not had the feeling of “oh I need to lose XXX amount of weight in order to be happy for such and such event”. A BMI of over 30 is considered obese. While I believe the term implies someone much larger than me, the truth is that medically this is correct. I have 16 more pounds to lose before I am out of this category. I cannot wait. This is my first goal. I am following weight watchers to help me get healthy for my Sweetie and my JuneBug (although I have no medical issues other than my thyroid). Now I will not lie, I want to be as fit as possible for Carnaval. I am focusing on this as a goal. However, regardless of my weight, I know I will look awesome and have a great time. My Sweetie thinks I look great and that is all that matters.

I am feeling fantastic today. My JuneBug slept great only waking once during the night. I am so proud of her. This weekend is going to be filled with a party, cleaning the house for a maybe upcoming home appraisal, and enjoying my Sweetie and JuneBug.

I saw this quote today and really like it:
"If your ship has not yet come in, build a lighthouse." Rod Garcia

What I am listening to: Montana by Venus Hum. My Sweetie and I saw her in concert opening for The Blue Man Group two years ago this month.

And the cell phone rang!

:-)

The monkey ate the what?

Picture of the day: This is me the day my JuneBug arrived. Look at that belly.

No the title has no meaning. Titles are hard to generate.

I have gotten a bit spoiled the last few weeks. Having my Sweetie around 24/7 has been wonderful. I love waking up with him in the morning while taking care of JuneBug, having him fix me lunch, and being able to spend time with him throughout the day. It has been wonderful. I am looking forward to going back to work and starting back on my CPA review, but I will miss the lazy mornings and such.

Today we went to Suncoast and splurged on a movie we have been wanting for a long time. Kiki's Delivery Service. It is another Hayao Miyazaki movie. JuneBug was a little fussy so I held her through the mall and assured her that I would wake her if something interesting happened. I don't think she believed me. However, she did fall asleep.

Tonight we went to BestFriends. BestFriend's husband just finished a hard semester and we needed to celebrate. I was so awesome. We took food to save money vs. a restaurant. I only had 4 points left for the day. So I bought a lean cuisine and a bunch of veggies to steam. It was perfect, and I was stuffed. Yay to 5 days perfect on the plan. While I am not expecting perfection, I am happy for a good first week of actually following the program. Since I no longer have breastfeeding to help my weight loss, I must do it on my own. My Sweetie is so wonderful and telling me how awesome I am and how great I look. It does wonders for a girl's self esteem.

So I have to be an adult. I do, right? Ahhhhh come on, do I have to? OK fine. So, regarding the Motive half marathon I am thinking that I am most likely not going to participate this year. The main reason is my CPA review. I HAVE to test and pass one section before the end of the year. While this is not unheard of, I have a wonderful family that I want/need/long to spend time with. I plan on Studying 4 hours on the weekend, more if I want to sit for two sections. The training for a half marathon can be up to three hours during the LSD (long slow distance) walks. This is more time than I want to be away from my Sweetie and JuneBug. However, my Sweetie said if I want to do it, that he wants to do it with me. This eliminates part of the issue. We agreed to begin like we are training (low mileage in the beginning), see how we do, and decide closer to the race. The only issue is that the price raises the closer you get.

School starts around here next week. My niece is entering the 3rd grade. I can't believe she is getting so big. This is bittersweet for me. I am happy that I finished my MBA, but sad that I don't have school supplies to purchase. Luckily I have my CPA study to keep my brain ticking. Otherwise I might just be going crazy. And after all, I do need study supplies.....

I know it is TMI, but the addition of a new baby has not decreased our sex life but rather increased it. I know no one actually cares, but it is has been amazing since we got our clearance at 2 weeks. I know my self-esteem is one of the biggest causes. But a girl can't complain *enter amazingly happy and satisfied face here*.

It is calling to me!

I can't help it. It is in my blood. I feel the need to train, sweat, overcome injuries and seek success. I was never in sports. Walking is my sport. I am not the best at it, I am slow - but I finish what I start.

Last night I went to the Motive Bison Stampede website. It is Nov 20th. This year they are giving away medals. Oh I want that medal. Of course I have to remember those F&*^%*&G hills, lol. But I need a marathon this year. I did Motive in 2003, Motorola in 2004, and now I can have Motive in 2005. Plus I would love to see the weight loss with the training. My thyroid was broken when I trained before. And DarkDiva sent out the costumes for Carnaval. I have great motivation now as the costume is rather skimpy.

I have 15 weeks to train, totally doable. I would not have the best time, but I could complete it in the 4 hours needed. But I still worry about training and studying at the same time.

My Sweetie is so very supportive. He told me that if I decide to train for the Stampede, he is going to train and complete it with me. Isn't he the greatest?

This marathon is located only a couple of miles from my home, as well all proceeds from the event go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma society - one of my favorite charities.

Speaking of charities, we packed JuneBug up and took her to the Cystic Fibrosis office today. My Sweetie needed to speak with the director, and friend, about design work he does for them. The director needed to meet JuneBug. He even said we are welcome back anytime as long as we bring her. He could not say enough about her, simply amazed by her beauty. I did not complain. Anyone can oogle my baby :-)

Now I must set in a plan of attack if I want to sit for the first part of the CPA as well as walk a half marathon. Let me introduce you to the Anal Missy.

Doctor's appointment and a wonderful evening

Yesterday was my JuneBug's 2 month appointment. She is now 22", 9.5lbs, and considered very healthy. Yes, she got her shots. And she cried. I think I did worse than she did. We came home, gave her the tylenol and she went to sleep. Sounds perfect doesn't it? It has been 24 hours since the appointment and she has yet to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. The good news is that she has not been overly cranky, just waking up a lot.

Even with the off sleep schedule, we had a great evening. We ate a great dinner and settled onto the couches and spent the evening reading. It was wonderful. After getting JuneBug back to sleep at one point, we were commenting on how we are so lucky to have her and how we cannot believe she is ours. My husband said "It is like Christmas everyday!". I cannot imagine life without her. She is everything to us, and she is only 9 weeks old.

My Sweetie is dropping off portfolios as I compose this post. They look amazing. He is so talented. Even with being out of work, he has been in such better spirits (and he wasn't even in that bad of spirits to begin with) since leaving UT system. I am so proud of him.

As far as eating I have been spot on for two days, Sunday and Monday, and am doing really good today. I am using the current Flex plan and changing it only slightly to make it like the plan I lost my weight on in 1997.

Happy 2 Months Baby Girl!

Today my JuneBug is 2 months. I can't believe that it has been 2 months, the time has flown. Of course being at home, strange sleep schedules, and adjusting to life will do that. She is so much bigger than when I met her. I still cannot believe she is mine. My Sweetie and I are amazed by her daily. We are so happy that she is our's and so happy as parents. The photo on the right is JuneBug tonight in her bassinet. The one on the left is when she came home from the hospital. She is wearing the same hat in each. Sorry for the poor quality on the right. She has gotten so BIG!

Tomorrow marks a big day. She has her 2 month appointment. This is also marked with shots - I think this will be harder on my Sweetie than JuneBug.

This weekend was so much fun. Saturday was the party. My Sweetie, MIL, Niece, SIL's boyfriend, MotoDiva's DH (yes, they are working things out), and MotoDiva's DD all climbed the rock walls for an hour. BestFriend and her DH played pool and helped entertain Mom who was watching JuneBug. Then MotoDiva's DH and DD, DarkDiva's DH, SIL and her boyfriend, and my Sweetie and me all played laser tag. It was so much fun. Next thing we knew it was time for the after party.



My Sweetie and I rarely drink - although our bar would make people think differently, but the alcohol is very old. My Sweetie got TRASHED, as you can tell from the bottom photo!!! He is so funny drunk, very contemplative, rambles greatly, and is very set on expressing his feelings about our relationship and explaining how I am his life and how he dedicates everyday to being the man I deserve. Don't we look cute in the picture here? Being the sober one, although I did enjoy a few, I enjoyed this side of my Sweetie. And today he wasn't hurting too badly - nothing that some food and water couldn't cure.


I feel great and journaled my food intake today like a good girl. I feel so focused and in control right now. And although it is not as purple as I wanted, everyone seems to like my hair - yay.

Back to Weight Watchers

First, today was wonderful. We spent the morning relaxing and discussing the tattoos that we want. He loved my gift, a Think Different Poster

We packed up JuneBug and headed to the tattoo shop. We did not actually get any ink applied, but we talked with the artist and know what we want. Now it is just a matter of when.

After dinner with the family, I am here at my computer while my Sweetie plays his game. We had such a great day and I am feeling good.

Several people I know have rejoined Weight Watchers (WW) recently. This had me thinking that I should as well. Since the on-line version is cheaper, I decided to join.

Now this is the best part. I used my same login as before and they kept my old weigh ins. This is from 8/14/04, which is perfect. This shows my prepregnancy weight, my highest, as well as my weight when I got pregnant. I added all my weigh ins during pregnancy through this past Saturday. I consider my weight loss from my highest before pregnancy so I wanted to be able to see the numbers from last summer and such. Well, I pressed submit and my chart updated to show 23 pounds lost and my 10% loss obtained. This feels great. I am so motivated now. Of course, I am not going to start really watching everything until Sunday and I get a chance to go to the store, not to mention my Sweetie's party on Saturday. But I feel that it is a big step.

My first focus will be exercise and journaling my food intake. After I see how that works, I will start reducing my food intake. Bottom line is that I have 20 until I am at my first goal, and an overall 50 to lose. I can do this. With a husband who helps me build my confidence daily, I can do anything.

On a side note, I started reading the 5th book (not the newest one) on Sunday. I know it has been out for two years, but I was in the MBA program and busy reading other things. However, the problem is that I have not been working on my 30-days book because of Harry.

It is time to juggle.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!!!

Happy 30th Baby!!! You are the most awesome man in the world. Thank you for being my everything.

My Sweetie is in Business

It is official, you can purchase Specks items at Cafe Press.

Poor Cranky Bug

Yesterday marked 8 weeks since my JuneBug's arrival.

The day started with a cranky Bug during the night. She cried during the night, this almost never happens, she normally saves her screaming moments for the daytime. She even skipped a meal even though she woke up during the night. This set us up for a hard day. Lately she has been eating small amounts throughout the day. She was up to three oz at time with sometimes four. Lately she has been doing two and sometimes three - with eating more often.

Yesterday, she would nap for about 10 minutes, wake up crying and refuse to eat. Each time she fell asleep we hoped it would be for longer - but no. I needed to get out of the house and my Sweetie needed to drop a receipt off at MIL's work. I hoped the car ride would help JuneBug find a deep sleep. She could not sleep deeply while at MotoDiva's on Saturday either. The nice thing about Saturday was that when we got home we all ended up going to sleep for the night (other than waking up for feedings and such) and it was only 8:00. So we headed out. She was not happy about the car ride and proceeded to cry. She finally fell asleep as we made the exit for MIL's work. Due to our day with her, we didn't want to jink anything and my Sweetie ran inside while I stayed in the car with JuneBug.

The next step was my work. We hoped that the 20 minute drive would do Bug good. I had to go yesterday because I could no longer log in from home. It is great to get a message "your password has expired, please change it before loggin in". This means I have to go into work to change my password. The close to 30 minute nap was good for Bug. She woke up and even ate some when we arrived at my work.

Everyone was so happy to see us. It was their first chance to meet her. They all commented on her hair. The best part was all the compliments that I received. They all said that I look so good and that it looked like I was thinner than before getting pregnant. My Sweetie, who was holding JuneBug, smiled so big and said "she is, pregnancy is a great weight loss tool for her." Of course that led into saying I should have more babies to lose more weight, lol. So I went to my Cubicle to change my password. Several co-workers followed, of course. Within a minute of being in my cube my JuneBug started crying again. My Sweetie was so good and stepped out into the hallway to calm her down. The best part? The network was down, so I didn't even get to change my password. My Sweetie calmed her down and came back for my boss to meet her. They were impressed. I told everyone that I will see them at the end of the month.

We were able to eat a quick lunch and then got JuneBug home. She did not go back to sleep until 10:00. Until then she cried almost constantly and did not eat much. She woke up at 11, ate two oz and went to sleep for the night, over 4 hours even. Overall she only ate 80% of her normal intake.

Today has been much better.

Oh good news. We called the daycare on Monday to check in on the status of our application and such. The school we want has two openings - YAY. Not only that, she is going into the room we wanted. She will be a River Otter. This is the room I think she will love. Both would be good, but this one has more sunshine

Feeling Great

I am feeling great. I have been for days now. Saturday we packed up JuneBug and headed to MotoDiva to help her make a movie. This is for her to practice since she will be applying for the MFA program in film at UT. For the movie (I actually have a speaking part, scary) we needed three changes of clothing. She wanted business like clothing. I worried about this. While I know I weigh less I do not feel like I am smaller. Don't get me wrong, the lower the number on the scale has made me feel great. I have a favorite pair of black slacks. I tried them on 2 weeks after my JuneBug's arrival and they did not fit. I did not let this get to me. While I was deciding what to wear for the movie I knew I needed these pants. I figured I could wear a long shirt over to cover the too tight hips and belly.

I tried them on..... and they fit. I was happy. Then I remembered that they were too tight when I got pregnant. This made me feel great. I have been wearing more fitted t-shirts and such. One I bought before my 2003 b-day. I never wore it because I did not think that it fit correctly. I wore it on Friday. I knew I was a little smaller, but I thought it also went with my growing self confidence. After trying on the pants, I knew something else was going on, and it was good.

This morning I decided to measure myself. I have not done this since I was pregnant and wanted to see how my body was changing. The results were WONDERFUl. I am 21 pounds lighter, 1.5" smaller around my waist, 2" smaller around my hips, 1" smaller around each upper arm, 1" smaller below my breasts, 1" smaller around each thigh, and 1" smaller around each calf. Overall, I am a complete size smaller than when I got pregnant. This is fantastic. I feel wonderful. My high school reunion is still not planned. However, if I found out it was going to be tomorrow, I would go very proud.

I tell you, DarkDiva is correct, the best weight loss tool is being madly in love. I can't wait to see the changes in August when I actually start watching what I eat and make sure to exercise more.

All Dressed Up

Last night my Sweetie and I went to the culinary flavors of Austin for Cystic Fibrosis. My Sweetie does volunteer design work for the organization so our tickets were free. It was awesome. A chance to dress up and go on the town.

The food was very good. Many restaurants came and brought some delectable tastes. We walked around, bid on a silent auction, drank free wine and ate free food. It was for a great cause and something my Sweetie and I enjoy greatly.

The best part was the silent auction. We won the bid on two tickets to see Carmina Burana by Ballet Austin in the directors circle. This is something we planned to see anyway, now we have guaranteed good seats.

The evening is one we shall never forget.

One interesting thing did occur while we were there. We ran into one of my Sweetie's old co-workers. It was a little awkward, but my Sweetie didn't let it get to him at all.

I think over 7 weeks of a whacked out sleep schedule is getting to me, I am so tired. The worst thing is that I have no motivation to go to bed early. I have a month to get myself on a schedule, I know I can do it.

Between time, heat, plans, and rain; I did not work out yesterday or today. It is ok, I have to let go of the perfectionist side of me. I will do my best.

I know this post is short, enjoy the pictures that I posted. I love that Blogger lets you post pictures from your desktop now. This means a lot more pictures will be posted on my blog.

My Sweetie and JuneBug

I love this photo. We were at the grocery store. That is my Sweetie. There is nothing sexier than a father.

So Cute!

I finally figured out how to add photos. YAY. This is my JuneBug at 7 weeks.

Late Night Check In

I have not had a chance to post twice in one day for awhile. Yes, this counts as twice in one day since I have not gone to bed. I just finished day four of my book. It is about passion. I am so happy today. I have been all day. My heart feels full and golden. My passion for life and most importantly my Sweetie makes me want to dance and sing for everyone to hear. I know how lucky I am. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family who love and care for my little girl. I have a man who will do anything to make me happy. I went walking tonight. This time I took along my Sweetie and my JuneBug. It was a great walk. This breaking in gently is driving me crazy. I did 22 minutes this time and wanted to go longer, but I know breaking in is best.

It is almost time for me to go to sleep. Man I have to get on a schedule before going back to work. I just feel so great. The journaling and assignments in my book are really giving me insight. The main thing is that I am learning very quickly how happy I am. I knew I was very happy. However, I did not realize the full extent with all areas of my life. So far, I highly recommend the book. The assignments take some time and thinking, but once complete, it makes me feel like I know myself a bit better.

Now to change the subject before I sound like I am trying to convert you to the self help world.

My Sweetie's newest craze is NeoPets. Yes, it is for kids. But we have a kid, doesn't that count? OK probably not, but it is quite addictive. It is neat to have something you have to care for, feed, and keep alive. HAHAHA not like we have anything else like that in our life right now. Speaking of which, JuneBug is sleeping good. She should be waking soon for a feeding.

I am simply so happy.

Self improvement, pumping decision, and family weekend

As I write this I have an angel on my chest. This is not out of the norm, but I felt I should mention it - as it makes me so happy.

Today my Sweetie is working on preparing his portfolio to find work. He keeps coming out of the computer room to kiss me and JuneBug.

Wow I have not written in a few days.

This past weekend was good. Friday night was dinner with Mom, Brother, and my little family. It was some good food. Saturday was MIL's b-day celebration. We packed JuneBug up and went to MIL's house. JuneBug did good and had a good combination of sleep and awake. Of course, everyone gave her the attention that she deserves. That night my Sweetie and I watched the Sarah McLachlan concert on DVD. It was a year since we saw her in person. Sunday Mom and I went out for a girls' outing. I got my hair cut, well trimmed and not cut. I had not cut my hair since becoming pregnant and it was time. Mostly I wanted it looking nice when I dye it next week.

I also worked out on Sunday. A little upper body weight training session. It felt great. I am really getting back into everything. I have to, after all Carnaval is not far away. DarkDiva is planning a wonderful costume for me.

I made the decision to quit pumping. Friday I went to pump and JuneBug was calm and happy. The minute I started the pump she started crying. My Sweetie took her to another room, out of earshot, and she calmed down. That was all I needed for my decision. I pumped Saturday morning and evening to relieve pressure and have not since. I must say it is wonderful. I have my body back. I am not living in 3 hour increments. I feel I am enjoying my daughter more. That is all that matters. Plus I have always loved that my Sweetie can help with the feedings. As of this morning, I was still leaking some, but have not been engorged or had any pain since Saturday. And I am happy to say that I am not feeling guilty about the decision. I feel very relieved. With pumping I was constantly reminded that I was not making enough. Now I can focus on all the more important things in life.

I cannot wait for Sweetie's party. I still have to finish his present. This weekend I actually made more work for myself - not in bad way, but Serif's gift also requires some work. Sweetie and I are also pretty close to deciding on tattoos. I cannot wait.

I am big on improving one's self. I have several "self help" type books. I decided to work on myself before I have to start studying for the CPA. The book I am working with is called "Change Your Life in 30 Days". Last night I finished day three. I think it is really helping. Day one is about being true to yourself, day two discusses acknowledging yourself, and day three is about confidence.

I am feeling good, no, I am feeling great. I can tell such a difference in myself from last year. I just have to smile. My life is good. Yes, things are a little more stressful with Sweetie out of work. However, I am not reacting the way I have in the past with a situation like this. I love being able to see personal growth. Of course there is no end to personal growth, hence the reason why I am working through this book now. I will keep everyone updated on my progress.

Short check in

I forgot to mention that as of late Wednesday night, I am wearing my wedding band again. WOOO HOOO.

Today I sent the e-mail for my Sweetie's 30th birthday. I hope everyone can make it. He is going to have quite a celebration: rock climbing, video games, tattoos, and adult beverages. Not to mention some sweet kisses from a young thing - my Junebug that is.

I have to sneak out of the house this next week to finish my Sweetie’s present. Hey since he is not reading my blog regularly maybe I should just say what I got him. Uuuuummmmm nope, not taking the chance.

I am in such a good mood today. I walked this morning and it felt great again.

This weekend we shall celebrate MILs birthday and try to find some romantic moments for ourselves.

Wildflower Center and Pumping Issues

Today was MIL’s b-day. I saw that the Wildflower Center had a special on frogs. So the family packed up (SIL, SIL’s boyfriend, Niece, MIL, Grandpa, Mom, Sweetie, JuneBug, and myself) and made the trek this evening.

It was exactly what my Sweetie and I expected. I cannot wait to go back. We are going to go back when the butterflies are the most abundant. I love that he and I share a love for places like this. I love that we know each other so well.

Having my Sweetie home has shown him a bit of what my life has been like for the last month. Weekends are different from weekdays. Today he got to experience the issues that I have had with pumping. He was playing his game, no a problem at all, but he got to see JuneBug get frustrated that the pump started going and then he got to see me try to console her in my lap while pumping. After witnessing the added frustration that this causes, none directly towards JuneBug – as I understand she does not understand, but in the process altogether, he suggested that it might be time to call it quits. Mom arrived after work to ride to the Wildflower center with us. She could see the frustration in my eyes and she suggested the same thing.

Now the only person I need to come to terms with is myself. I hate this. I am a great mom. I know it. Why should I let something like this make me feel like a failure? I grew up on formula and as BestFriend would say (Who was also formula) that I have a great big brain, so obviously there is nothing wrong with it. But I do feel like a failure. I knew from the beginning that I might have problems with breastfeeding; it is in my family history. But I honestly assumed that it would not be hard for me. Now it seems all I am doing is sitting and thinking that I should be pumping. And the 15 minutes is getting longer and longer. I think it is because JuneBug is awake more lately. My Sweetie is so wonderful and supportive. Bottom line is that he wants me happy.

So I have to get over this failure. My mom felt like a failure. I was able to give more breast milk to JuneBug than I received. This is a good thing. I need to focus on that. However, I feel like I “should” be able to pump what is needed. But to be honest, only being able to pump 30% of what she is eating now is very discouraging. Here lies the important decision. Once I let things dry up, it is gone. I have to get over this feeling of failure. If my Sweetie has no problem with JuneBug being on formula, then that is a big sign. I am not one of those women who carry around their pump all day long and 8 times a day stop their lives to sit and pump for 15 minutes. I just cannot seem to do that.

No decision is made yet. I have to think some more. Alas, I am going to go and pump while researching butterfly tattoos.

I'm Back!

Today I started working out again. A 20 minute walk did the trick and after a shower and taking over with JuneBug so my Sweetie can start his workout, I feel great. I have not walked on my own regularly since Feb 2004 when I completed the Motorola Half Marathon.

A little history. I started walking during highschool (along with riding my bike) and in college. I would walk sporadically until 2003. My Sweetie has always been supportive with my walking. When I joined Team in Training in August 2003, he knew I would be successful. He even walked with me during some of my weekday walks. Unfortunately, my walking did not continue after the half. This is not uncommon with long distance events. You train hard for an event and once it is over you find yourself a little lost. Between the half and now I only walked a few times. I wanted to walk more during my pregnancy, but with the horrible tendon pain, it was not an option.

When I walk with my Sweetie or by myself, is very different. I love walking with my Sweetie. We talk a lot when we walk and even have in depth conversations. We really bond during these walks. When I walk alone, it is very similar. I use the walking as therapy.

I started tonight for a few reasons. I received my 6 week clearance for being normal again (although I still need to bring up the whole perfect issue next appointment, LOL). I also want to start my exercising so I can get off antidepressants. But also I want to help my weight loss. I have not walked consistently since finding out about my thyroid - hence why I did not lose weight during marathon training. I am down 21 from my pre-pregnancy weight, my highest. I am only 19 from my first goal, my weight when my thyroid broke. I know that my thyroid is corrected through medication. I also know that I have to exercise to reach my first goal - medication cannot do it all.

So, I told my Sweetie that I am ready to start exercising again. He is so supportive and said that he wanted to watch JuneBug for me while I went walking. I walked for 20 minutes. I know it is a far cry from my 5.5 hour walking from before. However, one of the biggest issues with my marathon training was that I did not have an appropriate base to start training. So I was always trying to catch up. Since I want an appropriate base as well as to ease into exercise due to my surgery and lack of consistent exercise, I am starting slowly.

It felt GREAT. I kept a good pace and made sure to feel it, in spite of the short time. I decided while I was walking that my marathon for 2005 (I walked the Motive half in 2003, the Motorola half in 2004) will have to be having my JuneBug. I am going to focus on consistency, speed, and form until I finish testing for the CPA. The truth is that training for a marathon, even a half, is a time commitment. Studying for the CPA is a time commitment. Since I have my Sweetie and JuneBug who I want to spend time with, I only want one time commitment at a time. I should have a great base for the time that I am ready to begin training again.

I feel so confident. Today was a really good day. JuneBug and I hung out with my Sweetie. We helped him expunge the bad from UT. I am not sure what exactly made me feel so good today. I have only been on my meds for three days, so it should not be that, but who knows. I just feel so wonderful and sexy. While we were out today I even bought some hair color for my Sweetie’s birthday. I cannot wait to get inked and celebrate his birthday. Now the only question is what we are going to get. The idea right now is that we are going to get similar tats. I have to be careful. It seems every time I go into a tattoo parlor I get a piercing.

Now I must research tats.

UT System No More

Yesterday proved to be more interesting than anticipated. At 4:40 my Sweetie imed me saying that he was just let go. Long story short, his boss was out to get him. I know a lot of people say that, but in this case it is true. He was busting his ass for her lately and received no acknowledgement. He even worked late most days last week and went in on Sunday.

The good news is that we are doing great. We are not freaked or concerned about the whole event. We know things will work out, they always do. And luckily we have a good amount in savings so we are covered for a little while.

The main thing is that she cannot make him unhappy anymore. I am happy that his choice to leave was made for him. Now he can find the kind of job he wants. No matter what, I am here for him.

Last night we went to BestFriend’s house and she helped him compose a letter of rebuttal for the managers he worked with. She is such a great friend. Right now he is there giving his official resignation. Tonight I will take him to dinner to celebrate. No longer will he have to work with that awful manager.

Regardless of the actions of yesterday, my Sweetie has agreed to get a tattoo for his birthday. YAY.

Appointment and the need for ink

Today was my 6-week postpartum appointment. Can you believe it? My appointment was at 7:45 this morning. The idea was that my Sweetie would go with me to help with Serif. Unfortunately, he had an early meeting and could not make the appointment. Mom came by this morning and saved the day. Since the appointment was early, she was able to go into work late. This is easier for her than taking off during the day. My JuneBug was a little cranky so they stayed at the house while I went to the appointment on my own. It was the first time for me to go to the office alone. My Sweetie has always been with me. The nurses and doctor said I look great. I am down a few more pounds, but I knew that due to my home scale. Overall, I am down 21 from my pre-pregnancy weight. The nurse looked at my incision and could not believe how good it looks, she said it did not look new at all. The doctor came in and also looked at my incision and said he was so happy. He declared me normal again. I laughed and said “that is only true if I was ever normal”. I forgot to ask if this meant I am no longer perfect, lol.

The doctor sat down in front of me, he is a very hands on doctor, and asked how I am doing and if I have any questions. I told him that I am suffering from some depression. He said “ok”. He gave me a hug and told me how proud he was for me to tell him something hard like that. He said it is the most under-diagnosed problem. He said that he believes that Tom Cruise’s comments (stupid son of a bitch comments if you ask me, but I am hormonal) actually did more good then Tom ever expected because with everyone reacting and so mad at him it caused much discussion. I know on my expecting board (even though now we all have had our babies) there are so many women saying “hey me too.” I told him that in no way are my feelings going towards my JuneBug. He told me that is important to know. He gave me another couple of hugs and a prescription. I go back in two months. My goal is to try and get off the meds then, we shall see.

I am proud of myself. I hate the meds but I think I need them until I get an established exercise routine and begin journaling. Now that I had my 6-week check up I can start exercising without my Sweetie worrying so much. I am feeling so good today. I feel in control.

I go back to the doctor on September 20th. That is going to be a hard day. My plan is to call in sick that day, go to my appointment, and spend the day with my mom shopping. For those who do not remember, this day marks 8 years since losing my dad. Hard to believe we are only two months away from this point. Two months from today marks when my Sweetie and I created life. We are going to celebrate that whole weekend. Days that good, life altering days like that wonderful Saturday, must be celebrated.

Today I was out with my JuneBug, running errands and doing reseach got my Sweetie’s 30th b-day present. I stopped for lunch at Wendy’s and there was a butterfly where you place your order. This made me want my butterfly tattoo so badly. Now that I am not pregnant I can go ahead with it. I want a butterfly. Still trying to decide if I want the small yellow one or the big one on my lower back. My Sweetie likes the idea of both, especially the lower back. For those who do not know, he is a butt man. I am going to see what my Sweetie can do design wise for my tattoo. He has never designed a tattoo before, but I feel confident that he will come through with flying colors. Now I must get some ink on him.

I have a question

In life, there are few moments that require extreme consideration, planning, and ending with a big question. It seems as life progresses these moments become less and less. For example; being asked to go steady with a cute boy at 15, the big question of a marriage proposal at 20, and asking to have a baby at 27. These are the questions that I have been asked. However, there are questions I have to ask, questions that I have to consider deeply, questions that provide moments of anticipation as to the answer that will be provided.

Today provided one of these rare, but highly important occasions. After months of waiting for the day to arrive, we finally had our optimal moment. Best Friend and her husband came to spend the day with us. We had the best time with an early dinner and the girls and boys splitting up (other than JuneBug who went with the boys) and did some shopping. We met back at the house to enjoy some company and to watch a movie. This was the moment. It finally arrived. While my Sweetie could not wait 5 minutes longer, the only harm was that I was pumping at the time. However, it was still perfect. After asking James to come into the living room, he was in the dining room, my Sweetie decided to use an otter stuffy to do his biding. The stuffy asked one if the biggest questions for our JuneBug. We asked the Kerseys to be the Godparents to our first born. The best part was that they said YES. We are so happy. It is a wonderful feeling to know that these important roles are filled. Now all we have to do is the morbid part, the will.

I am very sentimental these days, so be prepared with my posts. Today is no exception. I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends. I know that I had to have horrible and backstabbing best friends in order to appreciate the best friend that I have now. I will be forever grateful of the person that BestFriend has helped me to become. My confidence is higher because of her, as well as my knowledge of strange and random items of humor.

Today was a wonderful day. Our family is even more complete and real.

Will she return to the scene of the crime and repeat?

I try to be a positive person. But the truth is that I have been experiencing some depression. Luckily, my Sweetie is so supportive and wants to make it all better. Last night and this morning were rough. I am lucky that my depression has never been the kind that makes me want to harm myself or others. I have done research and discovered that I do not have postpartum depression – that is a relief. I just have my normal chemical issues.

Well the best thing for depression, for me at least was a perfect little girl peeing all over her receiving blanket and carpet while I was changing her diaper. It was my fault, I didn’t have the new diaper under her in time. The funny thing is that she did not have a wet diaper when we went in but I wasn’t sure. I had the old diaper and new diaper next to each other, the reason why the new one wasn’t under her, and comparing. I was still looking at the diaper when I said “you didn’t pee”. When I looked up at her, she peed. Yes, she smiled the whole time.

Another thing that brought me out of my funk was reading past love notes from my sweetie. He loves me so much. I am so lucky to have him.

Speaking of him. Next month is his 30th b-day. I will invite everyone once we nail down what he really wants to do. However, that isn’t what made my day. The big present, part of at least, for my Sweetie for his 30th b-day, planned ahead for months and months, came today. WOOHOO. I have much relief.

I want this b-day to be perfect for him. Things are so different than last year. This year we are a family, we are happier than ever, and we are stronger than ever. Not to mention 30 isn’t just any b-day. This involves thinking, planning, and much attention.

I love him so much and this is a chance to show him.

Feeling Good

Today my JuneBug was a little grumpy so we opted out of the lunch with co-workers. Instead, we met with my Sweetie for lunch. We had a great time while JuneBug slept. After our lunch we made a trek to my school.

The goal – to pick up my diploma.

I had several women stop and admire my angel. They commented on how beautiful she is. When I reached the appropriate floor the woman that I was speaking with on the elevator asked if I was there to get my diploma. When I said yes, she said that I had that look.

When the guy at the desk asked if my diploma looked correct, I almost started crying. It is the most beautiful piece of paper ever. After our successful journey JuneBug and I headed home for a much needed nap. She is my favorite napping buddy now – shhhh don’t tell my Sweetie.

I am so proud of myself. Now I have to find a frame. I am hanging this diploma.

This is not my beautiful house

Ever have one of those days? The kind where you wake up and cannot believe your life is yours?

That is what happened to me today. I woke up to my family and was overtaken by how much I love these two people. Aftter my Sweetie left for work my JuneBug and I then settled on the couch to go back to sleep. We slept for four hours with the only break as a short feeding. When we decided we had enough sleep –this was mutual – we started our day. While we were still lying on the couch I looked at my angel. I cannot believe she is mine. I cannot believe such a perfect little person came from me. She is wonderful. Even when she cries I know she is perfect. I don’t know what my Sweetie and I did to deserve such a wonderful and beautiful baby. Apparently we did something right.

I watch her in her swing. She is happy. I cannot imagine my life without her. I love her so much. I love my Sweetie so much.

I just cannot believe that this is my wonderful life. It is times like this where I have complete faith.

Today marks 5 weeks

Yesterday was a good day. JuneBug was cranky again, but still my angel. JuneBug started crying before my Sweetie left for work. He picked her up from our bed and told me that he would calm her and bring her back. He is so wonderful and adores her so much. My Sweetie had to work late again so I had my mom come by after work to relieve me so I could take a shower. That was exactly what I needed. She stayed and we chatted for a couple of hours. It was very nice.

It is not so bad when my Sweetie works late since we can IM throughout the evening. When he got home, he was in the best mood and felt very accomplished. He gave JuneBug and me wonderful attention. Before he got home, I gave her a bath and had her waiting for him in her PJs asleep. He hugged and kissed both of us so much.

Today has been another cranky day. Her nights are good, just during the day she has been crying a lot. I am determined to find what she needs – it is hard when she can’t talk yet. I hope her new swing will help during the day. I have to admit the fact that my and my Sweetie’s arms make her happy makes me happy.

The best thing that my Sweetie “said” to me today was an im that said, “How are my two perfect girls today?” That made me smile.

Our life has changed so much in 5 weeks – for obvious reasons. And I think we have adapted very well. I know of couples that put their marriage on the back burner with a new baby. I do not believe that is the case for us. We are intimate and passionate. We are a team. It makes me so happy.

We are so happy with our family. You can actually hear the happiness in my Sweetie’s voice. Of course, this was true during the pregnancy as well.

Tonight we went to target to purchase some pants for my Sweetie. We had a good time. I love to watch my Sweetie in public with our little one. He is such a good father. We have decided to start perhaps looking into purchasing a microwave. I know I am excited about the potential jump into the 20th century. The truth is that we had a microwave since 1997 when we moved in together. However, it died in late 2003 and was never replaced.

I chatted with co-workers today. JuneBug and I are planning a trip to my work on Thursday. I will be in the area due to picking up my diploma – YAY!!! Two of my favorite co-workers and I are going to lunch. I hope JuneBug is up for it.

Alas it is time for me to snuggle in with JuneBug and my Sweetie.

Motherhood

Sunday morning:
I am the only one in my house awake. On my chest is an angel sleeping. On the couch is my husband. In the background is some smooth music. I am hungry, thirsty, and need to pump. Yet I stay where I am. This is motherhood. I had no idea what a difference pregnancy would make on me. Then I had no idea about motherhood. I make sure I eat and drink – I have to take care of myself. However, a common theme in my house now is “after….”. This means, “I will eat after Serif eats”. You can exchange “after Serif eats” for “after I pump” or “after I get her to sleep’ etc….. I am not complaining. I adore this job.

The one issue I have is regarding to my milk supply. I am very lucky to have a great support group. My mother understands. Unfortunately, at the time, the doctor told her when she did not create enough for me that supplementing (like I do) was not worth it. Luckily, things have changed and we know that any breast milk at all gives benefits. Along with my Mom is my Sweetie who told me that the feeding decision (breastfed vs. formula) is my decision. My third greatest support system is my exclusively pumping board. There are many of members who have the same situation as I do, low production and latching issues. While I know this support system is wonderful, I still have many feelings of guilt and failure regarding the feeding of my daughter. I am working on this daily. I know that I am a good mom. I know there is nothing wrong with formula – I grew up on it. I really am working on it.

My boards suggest Fenugreek to help increase supply. I am using this – but not sure if it is helping. They also suggest longer pump times – but that is hard. Stopping to pump during the weekday is hard – especially when Serif needs me to hold her. Another suggestion is oatmeal. However, it has to be real oats and not the instant kind. I bought some at the store today and will try it. I worry about the medication option. You see the makers of the medication do not endorse it for increasing breast milk supply. It is a side effect. There are many women on my board who take it and found their supply to double in some cases. We shall see. I think I will still talk to my doctor, but I would rather increase naturally if possible. However, I refuse to obsess or spend my entire day pumping.

Sunday night:
I need to start my walking. My goal is 30 minutes a day to start with. I need to do this for so many reasons. I want to get back to long distance walking. However, right now that doesn’t make much sense due to taking care of Serif and pumping. I am now 20 less than when I got pregnant. WOO HOO! I have not been this weight since 2002. My first goal is 20 more pounds. This puts me where I was before my thyroid broke. This is very doable.

Tonight I went to the grocery store after dinner to get some icecream – lite for me since I am so happy with the weight loss. My Sweetie wanted to watch an Anime and had our JuneBug on his chest. Since he has to work tomorrow, and time is limited for him on work nights, I volunteered to go to the store. This was my first outing without Serif. This was also the first time my Sweetie was left alone with her. I did so good. I was not worried at all. I even took my time and returned energized. He did wonderfully and not only took care of her but read her a story.

I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Once again, this weekend was “his time” for taking care of our little one – at his insistence. I do not mind at all. I love that he is this hands on – it also means I get to sleep a bit more on weekends.

Speaking of weekends, we had a great weekend. Friday night we picked up the pictures of our JuneBug. Saturday was my Mom’s b-day. We enjoyed a laid back day with family and friends. Today consisted of sleeping in and the grocery store. All in all it was a great weekend.

One Month and Ego Boosts

Happy One Month Miss Serif Bug. Today has been very eventful. After sleeping in, my JuneBug and I got all pretty and headed to the mall. I knew I wanted photos taken of her today. We lucked out and got an appointment only 45 minutes after we arrived. That is good considering I simply did a walk-in. Due to some of the poses having me in them, and me not planning for this, I went and bought a shirt during our wait. The funny thing is that they used a drape for me so it was not needed. We got about 6 different poses. Serif was cranky throughout the experience. However, the photographer was very patient. Of course, she calmed down as soon as the shoot was complete. The proofs were ready by 4:00 but I wanted my Sweetie to pick the ones he likes so we will go tomorrow night for our final decisions.

Then enters Frap-boy. As Serif and I were leaving the mall, a guy was walking around with frapachino samples. He walked out of his way to come to Serif and I, and did not offer us a sample as I was drinking a diet coke. However, he lingered after I was bent over tending to Serif. You see, the shirt I bought shows off my uhm.., well, Serif’s food producers very well. I did not realize this until after our conversation. He watched as I tended to Serif and then came even closer and proceeded to tell me how much he loves babies and asking me her age and such. He was totally hitting on me. It was great. I wonder what else he would have said if I wasn’t wearing my new ring – heehee. Now I know if I need an ego boost and a caffeine fix where I should go. I wonder if he works Fridays grin.

My ego was sky high. When I got home my bug decided to take a nap and I wanted to check e-mail and such. I use IM a lot at work and have my co-workers on my contact list. The co-worker who would like to be my boyfriend came on and chatted with me. Nothing bad discussed – remember it is work and I did have a baby in my lap. He asked about my girl and made a couple of compliment comments to let me know he is still interested. This should not shock me as he continued to flirt while I was pregnant. Nothing will ever happen with him – for so many reasons and I am honest with him about this. However, he is a nice guy and I don’t mind a compliment here and there. I told him that he has been replaced by Frap-boy. He did not approve.

Our evening was pretty uneventful due to my Sweetie working late. However, we did chat on-line and on the phone throughout the evening. I love seeing “UT System” on caller ID.

Then came the night. At 10:00, I sent an IM to my Sweetie asking if he ever had dinner. He is bad about working late and not eating. He said he was starving so I packed up my computer and my baby and we headed to Sweetie’s work to bring him dinner. Serif is sleeping in a chair next to me while my Sweetie works across the desk from me. I hope I am not distracting him. I am in a good mood. I don’t mind the time – I can sleep whenever Serif sleeps tomorrow.

My angel is so beautiful. I know everyone is tired of hearing this, but it is true. I am amazed by her daily. I cannot believe how much I love her. I cannot believe how great it is to be a mom.

This is getting long. I will end this. If I have more to say, I will start a new post.

Random Thoughts

Today I am just going to do some free writing, meaning that I am going to write what comes to mind regardless of if it makes sense. This is a tool for self discovery as well as therapy.

As I type this, my JuneBug is lying on my lap wide awake. She has the most beautiful eyes. It is amazing to have a daughter. So much is different from last year. I am so happy.

I have not started exercising yet. I hope to this week. Of course, my clearance only came yesterday. It is hard during the day. Serif takes so much of my time with feedings and pumping. She was doing good with the shield. However, she still was not getting enough food. Then she got smart and decided to not use the shield. We shall keep trying. At least she is still getting my milk. I think I will talk to my doctor at my 6-week appointment about increasing my supply using medicine. She is so beautiful, so perfect. Now she naps.

My maternity leave is 1/3 of the way complete. I cannot believe it. Tomorrow is my co-worker’s b-day. I may go to the company lunch with Serif. It would be a nice way to introduce her to everyone. Tomorrow is also her one month b-day. I want to get professional photos done. I hope I can get in.

Last night I spent the evening working on work. I don’t mind, it means that I am needed. We also watched Magnolia. That was one strange and long movie. Not our kind of movie at all. It wasn’t even the content that was the issue, it was the delivery.

I realize that I did not write about the 4th of July. We had a great day. The day consisted of Mom, MIL, Grandpa, SIL (husband’s sister), niece, SIL’s boyfriend, Brother, SIL (brother’s wife), and my little family. We enjoyed BBQ and many many fireworks. My Sweetie is such a pyromaniac. Some don’t know this. His two favorite holidays are the 4th and Halloween. If only we shot off fireworks for Halloween, then he would be in heaven. We had a great time and did not get to bed until very late.

I love my new ring. I wear it on my wedding finger due to still not being able to wear my wedding band. It is funny. I can wear all my old clothes and my feet did not grow as they have with friend’s of mine. However, the tell tale that I was pregnant is my ring size, my stretch marks, and my slightly loose lower belly. I would like for my ring size to go back so I don’t have to resize my wedding band. I know that my belly will firm, in fact it is getting better everyday. As far as my stretch marks, I love them. They are proof that this angel was in my belly and that I wasn’t simply dreaming. They are proof that my Sweetie and I made her. Back to the ring. You would think it was a new engagement ring with how much I love it. I look at it all day. It is not expensive or anything like that. It is just a ring my Sweetie wanted me to have. It makes me so happy.

What else is in my Brain today? Mom is stopping by after work so we can all go to ToysRus. This should be fun.

I Love This Man

Our weekend was so fantastic. Friday night Brother, SIL, and Mom came over to hang out with us and we had very interesting discussions. I never know where the conversations with my brother will end up.

Saturday was our first family weekend day. The first weekend we brought her home, the second we went to the grocery store, and last weekend consisted of out of town guests and making the 48 hour movie. So yesterday we had a blast. We went to the mall. We took Serif to her first trip to the Apple Store. YAY. We also went to James Avery and my Sweetie bought me a ring that he has been looking at for many months but wanted to wait until after Serif’s arrival to purchase due to sizing. I love it. It is so beautiful. We came home and after a family napping experience decided to watch the “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” We loved it. It is totally awesome, exactly our kind of movie. I am so glad we bought it sight unseen. After the movie we stayed up until 3am discussing the ideas in the movie. In case you don’t know, the movie is about erasing memories. We both decided that we would not want to erase any of our memories, even the horrible ones. This goes back to the whole idea that our actions and our past put us where we are today.

Today has been very productive with the normal grocery store outing. This time our JuneBug was awake for almost the whole trip. She was so good and took everything in. After our outing we brought my Mom back to our house and proceeded to get ready for our first date since Serif’s arrival. She was so wonderful and watched our princess while we went out. We saw Howl’s Moving Castle. We love all of Hayao Miyazaki’s movies. This one was no different and met our expectations. The best part was that it was subtitled and not dubbed – we prefer this option. After the movie, we went to Cheesecake Factory for dessert. This was very romantic. I even enjoyed an adult beverage. My Sweetie stopped me while I was talking and told me that he loves me so much. It melted my heart. While it was hard to leave my little one, I had the best time. This weekend was filled with things that are very much my Sweetie and me. It makes me so happy. Weekends like this remind me how obvious it is that my Sweetie and I are soul-mates.

Today my Sweetie and Brother went and bought fireworks. This should be quite a show for my JuneBug’s first 4th of July.

I go to bed tonight very happy - actually quite blissful.

Life is good.

Perfect Outings

The most wonderful thing to wake up to is a newborn’s face, a face like fresh untouched snow, perfection in every inch. When her eyes open, a grin comes over her face and we start our day. She wakes me with this smile everyday instead of crying. I know this could change at any moment so I am going to enjoy

After three weeks, we are getting into a routine. The best part is at night. As soon as my Sweetie comes home, he takes over. He loves to hold her, kiss her, and even change her diaper. He is such a great father. Yesterday morning while he was getting ready for work and Serif and I slept, he took a picture of us because we were so cute.

Yesterday I went on an outing with my JuneBug. We got my car registration and proceeded to Serif’s first outing to the mall. This was also my first time to take her out in her stroller. It was perfect. We did some shopping, some walking, and we were very productive. After such a wonderful outing, we came home and enjoyed a nap.

Today was another big outing day. We had lunch with my Sweetie for the first time. We took her to our normal place, Pok-e-Joes. After, we made a quick trip to Mom’s work and ending out outing at Target. We had so much fun. I love taking her outside.

Today was a big step for us. While at Target I bought a nipple shield – cannot find the one from the hospital – and she never used it. However, I have had the urge to get one since last week. I did not know that Target would sell them and thought I would have to make the trek to BabiesRus. Well, I bought one and came home to give it a try. She nursed on me for 10 minutes. WOO HOO!!!! I am such a happy mommy. It has been a rough start, but I am not giving up. This is huge. My Grandmother did not produce milk. My mom did not produce enough and formula fed me. I want Serif to grow strong with my milk.

I am in such a great mood today. I am beyond happy. This weekend is going to be wonderful. I bought Serif a new little outfit for the fourth – just in case the outfit I picked out does not fit yet.

I am so excited to start working out next week. I am going to focus on walking and stretching. I am just so happy to be less than I was when I got pregnant. And it appears I have lost even more. I will keep everyone updated on my progress.

Oh and I heard back from the TSBPA – CPA testing board. My deadline for testing is the end of this year. I was worried about being able to take all four sections in this time-frame. Well my worries are no more, I only have to take ONE part before the end of the year, then I have another 18 months to take the following three parts. YAY. I can do that. I am hoping to start studying next week but don’t have to get serious until September. That is the best news as I am still adjusting to our new lifestyle.

This weekend is going to be wonderful. We are going to spend time with our little family as well as extended family. Tomorrow should be interesting, as this will be our first Saturday as just the three of us.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday weekend.

Goodbye Stump

Last night played out a little different than planned. MotoDiva called and told me that she wanted my Mom to attend the 48 Hour Film Festival. So we packed Serif up for her first movie theater visit. She was wonderful. It was so neat to see my Sweetie on the big screen. MotoDiva also let us know that we are signed up for the Houston 48 hour event. We shall see if we can make it. I know my Sweetie had such a great time making the short film.

After the movie, we went over to MotoDiva’s for an after party. OK so it was Mom, my Sweetie, Serif and I all hanging out with MotoDiva and her family chatting and eating quesadillas. While it was a late night, it was a lot of fun.

Today has been laid back. I wrote earlier in the week about starting to walk again. That did not happen because the doctor told me to wait until Serif is 4 weeks old. I am feeling so good that I contemplated starting earlier than advised. However, I read that while the outside of the incision is doing good that the inside can take up to 8 weeks to heal. I know I need to follow the doctor’s advice, and it is only one more week. I do not want to do something stupid and set myself back with healing.

Today also marked an important day for my JuneBug. She lost her umbilical stump this morning. YAY – she was holding on to that darn thing for too long. Now we are going to set up a photo shoot.

Tonight is dinner with BestFriend and her husband. We have not hung out with them since Serif’s arrival.

I know this post is less than thought provoking. I have some meaningful posts in my head, I just need the time to get it all written out.

She is Official

Yesterday we received Serif’s Social Security Card in the mail. She is official. I love seeing her name in print. I love her so much. I love that she is a combination of my Sweetie and me.

Today she is three weeks old. I cannot believe it. Our life has changed so much since her arrival. Our love is stronger, our focus has changed, and now we are a family.

This summer is already very busy.

Today my JuenBug will be without me or my Sweetie for the first time. This is hard for me, but I trust my mom.

This weekend is 4th of July. We are going to do our normal thing; fireworks, good food, and family.

July 9th is my Mom’s b-day. She has requested to have her b-day at my house so that she can hold her grandbaby all day.

July 21st is MIL’s b-day. I am not sure what we are doing for her day.

August 4th is my Sweetie’s 30th b-day. I cannot believe I am married to someone so old – hehe. The following weekend we are celebrating in a big way. I cannot wait.

August 8th is Serif’s two-month appointment.

August 23rd we are going to a Round Rock Express baseball game with Mom and her company.

August 31st I go back to work and Serif starts her school.

With that, my angel awakes from her nap needing her mommy. I must go and snuggle. I cannot get enough, she is so beautiful.

48 hours

This weekend was action packed. Friday, Brother, Brother’s wife, Mom, and my little family got together for dinner. Because I had not left the house from Tuesday morning through Friday evening, we decided to go out to eat. Enter Serif’s first restaurant visit.

We went to our Chinese place, as we promised the owner, for her first restaurant. She was perfect. Everyone commented on how cute she was. I love it. During the majority of the meal she was in her daddy’s lap. He LOVED it. He is such a great dad. I really cannot say it enough.

Saturday was a big day for our angel. In the afternoon, we had a wonderful visit from friends in town from Dallas. It was great to see them again. We definitely need to plan a trip to Dallas.

Saturday was also important because I got into a pair of jeans that are a size smaller than my comfy pre-pregnancy jeans. YAY ME!!!! My Sweetie has been so supportive and told me how great I look.

After visiting with our friends from out of town, we packed up (which takes a bit longer now with Serif) and headed over to MotoDiva’s. This was Serif’s first visit to someone else’s home. Upon arrival, MotoDiva met us outside and told me several times how beautiful I looked. That made my day.

It was strange being there. The last time I was there Serif was in my belly – this time she was in my arms.

The reason we went to MotoDiva is a project called the 48 hour film project. The goal is to make a short movie (4-7 minutes) within 48 hours. MotoDiva set everything up and submitted the application. On Friday night, she went to the kick-off party and discovered the theme, a character name, and a line for the movie that must be used. The movie had to be turned in on Sunday – hence 48 hours. Saturday the group worked on the filming. Luckily, a friend of Best Friend’s husband’s has made movies before and had some nice equipment to use. My Sweetie was one of the main stars, along with DarkDiva. They were wonderful. Serif and I even had a small role. We left after 1am due to Serif wanting to go home. We have not seen the final product yet, but tomorrow night we will see all the movies for this project. I cannot wait. Mom is going to watch Serif so my Sweetie and I can both attend.

Today has been wonderful. I have spent a lot of the day simply staring at my baby. She is so beautiful. I am so very happy today. I feel great, physically and mentally. Tonight my Sweetie and I are planning a romantic dinner. I am also hoping to go for a walk tonight.

For more information on The 48 Hour Film Project

Long Lost Friend

When I was a freshman in High School I made a friend who was very important to me. He was a junior at the time and a guy friend that was just that, a friend. We never messed around or tried to take things to the next level. He was a wonderful friend who would have offered the shirt off his back if he thought it would help. As things tend to happen, we grew apart. While cleaning in preparation of Serif’s arrival, I found a wallet with some old pictures. I found a picture of my brother at his senior prom and the senior picture of this friend (Thomas). On Tuesday, I thought of him a lot, wondering how I could find him and what he was doing. Last I heard, he was still dating his girlfriend from 1995.

Yesterday, my Sweetie ims me and says that he thinks Thomas just e-mailed him looking for me. I asked for him to send me the e-mail. After confirming that I am who he was looking for and that he is my long lost friend, we began e-mailing. He lives out of state now and is happily married to the same girl he was dating from 1995.

I am so happy that he found me. It is nice to chat with a friend from the past who did not stab me in the back or turn out to be a false.

1st Bath

Ok so this blog is starting to be a lot about my little “baby font” (as they call her at work). Hope that it is not too boring. But it is what my Sweetie and I love to discuss right now.

Last night DarkDiva paid us a visit. It was so good to see her and to be able to show off Serif’s weight gain. However, we are THOSE parents now. Before she could escape my Sweetie brought out the camcorder and showed our home movies that consisted of our Whataburger the night before our angel arrived and continued through the hospital and our coming home. She was a trooper, probably because she is a mom as well, and smiled and laughed at all the appropriate places.

Today was a good day. We took it easy. Unfortunately Serif’s belly was not too happy today and she had some big spit ups. No fever or bad colors, so nothing to worry about. However, it made her rather stinky. So tonight was her first bath. Up until this point, we have spot cleaned due to her umbilical cord stump still in tact. However, tonight was the night. I filmed while my Sweetie carefully bathed our JuneBug making sure to keep the cord stump dry. The best part was that her mood was wonderful throughout the bath. Now she smells wonderful and her hair is sticking straight up ☺

Alas it is time to go and snuggle my two favorite people in the world.

2-week appointment

Today was a big day. Today was my Sweetie’s first day back at work. Luckily between phone calls and instant messaging, he has stayed in the loop for all of the day’s events. He missed us so much. This morning was Serif’s two-week appointment. How can it be two weeks already?

The results are good. Her gas on Sunday was normal and since she is not experiencing colic he was not worried. Thank goodness on that front. 5:00 screaming baby does not sound like fun to me. I much prefer my little wiggle-worm at that time. Her umbilical cord stump looks good and should be coming off this week – I sure hope so. She has not grown any in regards to length. However, her weight has increased. By the two-week visit, a healthy baby should be back to their birth weight. We were not sure if she would make this goal since she lost so much in the hospital. However, our little girl is an over achiever. She gained 15 oz over this past week. She is now 7 lbs and 13 oz over her birth weight. I cannot believe it! I knew she gained – her cheeks are chubbier and she is gaining a nice double chin (this is the only time in her life where this will be a goal that everyone wants to see). I am so proud of her. She is doing so good. We do not go back until August for her two-month appointment. YAY I am a proud mommy.

Today was good. After lunch, I took a nice nap with my JuneBug and even answered some work e-mails. My Sweetie is on his way home. He called to let me know and even sang a little song for me. It made me smile so big. I love that man. Oh and I am wearing my favorite jeans today. The best part is that they are as comfortable as I remember.

Today is a very good day.

Best weight loss tool ever

Today was my two-week follow up appointment. I must say that I absolutely love my doctor. As we walked into his practice area the doctor saw us and gave me a big hug and commented on how Serif is so cute.

The results of the appointment are that my incision is looking great. I can start exercising at the one month mark. We are cleared for sex, I know everyone was waiting anxiously to hear this news – this is one good thing about a c-section, no waiting 6 weeks like with vaginal. And of course, this led to the discussion about birth control. Since we got pregnant the first time without protection, we know to not take any chances. Needless to say, I received a prescription for the “mini-pill”.

Then came the weigh-in. This was the best part of the whole appointment. I gained 5 pounds during my pregnancy. My JuneBug weighed 6lbs 3ozs so I hoped to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I know that I can fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans but do not feel comfortable wearing jeans with my incision. The weigh in, which I had to remind the nurse about, was better than that. I weighed in at 14 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I am 19 pounds less than my weigh-in 2 weeks ago. This is a huge ego boost. My Sweetie has been telling me how thin I look, I guess he was right. Now I can focus on the remaining weight that I started the pregnancy with as well as toning my tummy.

Yesterday was Father’s day. It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate this holiday full out. MIL, SIL, Niece, Mom, and Grandpa came over for a BBQ lunch. Serif gave her daddy three Winnie-the-Pooh puppets – which he loved. MotoDiva and her daughter came over and brought Jambalaya. It was a great day even though my little angel suffered from a gassy tummy. Last night my family (I love writing that) was in bed. My Sweetie was working on the computer while Serif and I went to sleep. We were using skin on skin to help her tummy work through the gas. Just as I was starting to fall asleep, I awoke to my Sweetie voice. He looked at me while I held our baby and told me that I looked so beautiful.

Life is beyond blissful.

Perfect Angel update, passionate kisses, and forgiveness

I have not posted much this week. I have been wonderfully distracted.

My Sweetie goes back to work on Tuesday and I have been absorbing every second that I can with him. Just when I thought our relationship could not get any better (we fell in love all over again with getting pregnant) I find where we are now. Bringing Serif into the world with him has made that love deeper and stronger. Passion is yet again more intense. My favorite things in the world are hugs and kisses. I thought I received more than I could ever desire when I was pregnant. Now, I receive even more. For example, today I drove my Sweetie to pick up his car from the shop after a much needed State Inspection. He was riding in the backseat with our angel. When we arrived, I asked if he had everything and if I should wait for him or head home. He said, “I only need a kiss from you then you can head home”. He then came into the front seat and gave me a wonderful kiss, not just a quick peck goodbye. This also happened in Serif’s room while we were packing her up for our outing today. He set down Serif (who was in her car seat), pulled me close, and kissed me. It does not get any better than that. Not only has bringing Serif home helped show us our passion, but also how well we work together. We are a great team. Every part of taking care of our infant is a team effort, that is one great thing about pumping. We both ease her crying, change her diapers, feed her, and snuggle her. We both adore her completely and cannot imagine life without her, even after only 10 days.

Right now, my two favorite people in the world are napping on the couch next to me. I could stare at them for days on end. I love them so much. They are my world.

Tuesday and Thursday served as rest days after big outings from the day before. Wednesday we went out shopping at several stores over the course of three hours. Our angel slept the entire time. Today we went to lunch with MIL and SIL. After, we went to MIL’s work to show off our JuneBug and ending the outing with stopping by Mom’s work for an impromptu visit. She slept the entire time.

Change of subject for a minute. I have written before about forgiveness. This is something I feel strongly about. You have to forgive to live. I am very emotional due to sky rocketing hormones and overwhelming life changes. While writing this, I am watching Oprah. They are talking about molestation – which is something I have no experience regarding, thank goodness. However, they also spoke of forgiveness. I really like the definition that Oprah gave regarding forgiveness and would like to share it with my readers. She said that forgiveness is giving up any hope that the past could be any different. She went on to explain that it takes a lot of energy to hate (or hold disappointment or negative feelings). She finished with saying that forgiveness is deciding that no longer will you be tied to the past.

Now that I have covered my Sweetie, my JuneBug, emotions, daily outings, and deep thoughts it is time for me to close. I must go and pump.

First Outing

Today was a wonderful day. Although life is very different when living in three hour increments. We took Serif to her first outing today – her first doctor’s appointment. She is doing so well. She is back up to 6lbs 1oz and now is 19.75 inches in length. The doctor’s opinion is that she is a very healthy baby. We go back on June 21st for her 2 week appointment. After the appointment we went to the grocery store. I wore a snuggly sling

I am currently in bed writing this. My Sweetie is next to me with Serif in his arms. Life is good. Although it has not even been a week, becoming a parent has changed everything. We are so happy. My Sweetie makes sure that I snuggle my JuneBug on a daily basis because he says that he loves to see me with her, he loves to watch his girls together.

I am feeling great. I cannot get over how good I feel. This morning I put Serif on the bed and laid down to simply stare at her. I did not even realize it until after watching her for a few minutes that I was on my belly without any pain or discomfort. I have not been able to do this for a few months. That combined with passionate kisses from my Sweetie makes me feel fantastic.

Now I must try to get a couple of hours sleep before my angel is ready for her next feeding. I absolutely love this.

My Sweetie would like me to let everyone know that he intends to post pictures very soon - they are waiting on his computer. He has been distracted with staring at our creation.

First Night Home

I am feeling so good right now. I do not feel any pain regarding the surgery. I can look at my daughter while I write this and know that my Sweetie is resting peacefully on the couch.

Last night she slept in my arms in our bed. My Sweetie wanted that. He feels she is safest in my arms. Mom and Brother left around midnight and she fed at 1:00 and 3:30. After the 3:30 feeding, we all crawled into bed to sleep. We slept until after 8:30. This was such a wonderful gift. She woke up hungry and I to engorged breasts. While I pumped, still issues with her latching on, Sweetie cleaned her diaper. Now both are sleeping.

I know today will be busy. People will be coming over to see my baby. Did I mention that she is perfect and the most beautiful baby ever? My mom brought over my baby book and there is a big resemblance between me and Serif. However, she seems to have a nice mixture of both of us. She has Sweetie’s toes and blood type for sure.

I am so happy.

Home Again

This will most likely be a long post. I have many days to blog about. Currently I am sitting in my dining room with a bassinet next to me and my Sweetie on the couch taking a nap. However, that I am getting ahead of myself.

Since I do not wish to bore you with the details of Tuesday’s surgery, although I find it all very exciting, I will try to hit the main points. We arrived at the hospital at 11 for my surgery at 1. This was exciting. My Sweetie and I took pictures of my soon to be smaller belly and generally hung out. My mom met us in the pre-op room and helped to entertain us. Unfortunately my doctor was running late due to another surgery. I did not go into the operating room until almost 3:00.

Here is the cliff notes version of what happened. I walked into the operating room to start the process. Sweetie puts on his scrubs and joins me when he is allowed into the sterile environment. The first thing I receive is a spinal tap. The first attempt did not take and I received some pain. I consider myself to have a high tolerance of pain and I was brought to tears. The second attempt was much better and began working instantly. You know how when you drink your legs become very heavy. This is what it felt like at first. The next thing I knew I was numb from the nipples down – yes this is what the anesthesiologist told me to expect, not chest but nipples. We thought he was crazy for saying this. However, it is true. I was not numb from the chest down, but more specifically from the nipples down. I did not feel the tugging or pulling that I read I would in the beginning. Actually, I do not even know when they officially started. They allowed my Sweetie to come into the room. I was so happy to see him. I had already gotten sick due to the spinal tap and just needed his presence. My Sweetie was cheering me on and making sure that I was ok. I was great and even cracked a few jokes with everyone in the room. The next thing we hear is about the size of her head. This caused my Sweetie to stand up and watch the surgery. While he did not see the initial incision, he did watch everything else. I can officially say that my man knows me inside and out. Next thing I know is that I feel a HUGE pressure on my chest. Keep in mind that I had a screen blocking my view of anything. The pressure (which I expected from my research) was the action of pushing the baby out. She was already engaged in my pelvis some and this was harder than anticipated. I would not have been able to deliver her naturally. Then I hear “Here she comes” from the doctor and I instantly begin to tear up. He brought her out and said “I am sorry, but I have to show her to you right now she is so beautiful.” And she was. My Sweetie went to her side while they began finishing up with me. After an initial cleaning, her brought her to me. We both were overcome with tears. I was able to kiss her a couple times and he went to the nursery with her to get her checked out. The nurse called a few minutes later to find out her official stats.

At 3:04pm on June 7, 2005, Serif Paige Tolleson entered the world weighing a whopping 6lbs 3oz and 19 inches in length.

By the time the staff was ready to move me into the recovery room, I was already losing some of my numbness. While in recovery, my Sweetie brought her to me to hold and attempt breastfeeding. She could only stay a minute because she had an appointment with a bath. I finished in recovery and got to check into my room. The numbness was all but gone at this point. Due to the late surgery, it was not long before visitors began filling the room. In fact, I had visitors before I had my baby in my arms. My room was filled with people. I felt so very blessed, loved, happy, overcome and amazing. My Sweetie stayed with the baby no matter where she went and took perfect care of me when he was in the room. He constantly told me through tear filled eyes how much he loves me and how I am so beautiful.

We stayed four nights. Sweetie stayed each night with me. I was not feeling bad at all. Tuesday night I stood up without any problems. By Wednesday morning, I met the requirements to enjoy a normal diet of hospital food. Wednesday afternoon I was unhooked from the machines and able to take a shower on my own. I was very impressed with my progress. Thursday night Serif’s weight showed more than a 10% weight loss. This combined with her petite size had us stay an extra night. Friday night she showed everyone and gained back enough weight to allow her to go home without concern.

Throughout this “vacation”, I was very well taken care of. I have to brag about my Sweetie. He was so wonderful. As of writing this, I still have not changed a diaper. Due to the surgery, I was still in the operating room when he went to the nursery and the nurses went over swaddling, diapers, umbilical cord care, burping, and various other words of wisdom. He came to the room prepared and very competent. He got up with me to console her each time she cried. When she was not easily consoled, he had me stay in bed and he paced with her. I know that he is my partner in this. He is already such a great father. Even the nurses commented on how great he is. He was so involved with the pregnancy. I knew he would be great when she arrived. However, I had no idea how above and beyond he would be. He would have me nap while he stayed awake. While I was pumping, he would bring me water without me asking him to and help me drink it since I did not have a free hand. He got very excited to be able to feed Serif when we introduced an SNS feeding system into the routine. And he showed the correct amount of concern when we found out about her weight loss. As I sit here, I can see his detailed log of Serif’s activities (feedings and diapers). He loves her so much. He loves me so much. He loves our family so much.

We came home yesterday afternoon after taping a magical moment with a large butterfly and receiving the ok from a pediatrician. Once home my Sweetie went to the door first so that he could tape Serif and me getting out of the car and coming into the house. Inside we found a wonderful surprise. My friends borrowed my Mom’s house key and came in and left vases filled with flowers throughout the house. It was a wonderful surprise. The afternoon/evening consisted of both Grandmas coming over as well as Brother.

It was such a magical journey. Since this post is almost twice the length I normally like to write, I will begin a new post to discuss our first night home.

I am so unbelievably happy.

Heading out

Last night was a nice send off dinner. Mom, Brother, and Brother’s wife came over for dinner. Unfortunately, my niece was ill so MIL and SIL were not able to make it. When going to bed we set the alarm for 2:00am for my last meal. We went to WhataBurger for an early breakfast for me. My Sweetie brought the camcorder and we taped our thoughts about today’s events and explaining Whataburger to my JuneBug. This was the first place we ate after finding out we were pregnant and now the last place during the pregnancy that I ate. It was so much fun. We got home and I finished packing everything for the hospital. I had the “oh my goodness, I am in labor” bag packed, but I needed the planned ahead with entertainment items and such.

Now all I have left is a shower and I will be ready to go. This is so amazing and crazy. I have received so many warm thoughts and wishes. Some from people I would not expect, and that means so much. My hormones are rather high today – but I feel so very loved and blessed.

Now I must go and prepare to become a Mom. I love the sound of that.

24 hours and counting

Not that I am counting. But in 24 hours I will go in for my c-section. YAYAYAYAYAY. I am so distracted today. I hope I am making sense to my temp. Today's appointment was wonderful. I lost weight and now am only at gaining 5.6 pounds - which is crazy.

Doctor wants me to still get the c-section. He told my Sweetie that if it were his wife, he would want her to have the c-section. That is all it took. My Sweetie said "then we shall see you tomorrow". I cannot wait.

I am hoping some "final thoughts" tonight. After that I probably won't be able to post again until I come home, unless I get my Sweetie to post my thoughts for me. I am sure his blog will have pictures of our angel.

Now I am going back to training.

Glow in the dark excitement

Yesterday was the best date day. We had lunch outside at the Arboretum and then headed to BabiesRus to pick up our crib. After stopping to purchase a couple more items for our JuneBug’s room, we headed to dinner. A fabulously romantic dinner was exactly what we needed for our last alone day before her arrival. We then headed to Main Event and played a round of glow in the dark miniature golf. It was so much fun, as well as entertaining to watch me play with my big belly.

Today was another great day preparing for our baby’s homecoming. MIL and Sweetie assembled the crib and took care of the yard. Mom and I did the grocery shopping and picked up a couple of items for baby – such as the #1 children’s book right now and magazines of her birth month. Her room is complete. I absolutely love the way the crib looks against the paint. My Sweetie chose very well. He took many photos and perhaps he will post some.

After dinner with MIL and Mom, I decided to begin my pampering. Since tomorrow will consist of a family dinner and last minute packing, I knew tonight would be my last real chance. I was able to take a long bubble bath – with many kisses from my Sweetie when he checked on me. I enjoyed a facial and shaved my legs (yes I can still shave my legs on my own).

Tomorrow morning is our last appointment. I believe she might have flipped again. We shall know for sure soon enough. I will also receive any last minute advice from my doctor for Tuesday’s main event. I want to treasure these last moments, these moments where my Sweetie and I are gushing with excitement. These last moments before our whole world changes.

Now I must get some sleep. Our appointment is early in the morning.

Plastic wrapped butterflies

I have a brief moment to post while my Sweetie and MIL move the crib into the room. Rather the box that the parts of the crib are in – some assembly required. It actually arrived when we were told. We finally have a crib. MIL and Sweetie will assemble the crib tomorrow. Tomorrow the room will be complete and ready for its new owner.

Last night was amazing. I am so very blessed and loved. My Sweetie was so wonderful about everything. It was a Diva only event but he did not want to be away from me for any extended time. He occupied himself with video taping and taking digital photos of the five divas (myself included) and my mom – who is their rent-a-mom.

We enjoyed Chinese food and bubble tea. After dinner, the fun began. DarkDiva started her work of art on my belly. It was a great set up. I was sitting in a papason (sp?) chair reclined in MotoDiva’s dining room. Everyone was in the same room and we were able to chat throughout the evening. My belly looks amazing. She really outdid herself. As of this morning, it is already darker than the last time. We applied cotton balls to the dried henna and then wrapped plastic wrap around my belly. This helped the area create the needed heat for development. The best part was at one point I had DarkDiva painting my belly and BestFriend was rubbing my feet with lotion and applying polish. It was heaven. At the same time, MotoDiva applied henna to Mom’s palm. This led to the fact that Sweetie needed some henna as well. He is such a good sport. MotoDiva told him to take off his shirt, and he did. She suggested a design on his shoulder and he did not even put up a single fight. She applied a very manly butterfly.

After over three hours, the artwork was complete. I was not only thrilled by the results, but DarkDiva was happy with her design as well. Everyone received henna and all the women received a sparkly toenail polish topcoat to show support for Tuesday’s events.

Many people suggested to my Sweetie that he should send me to a spa for a day at the end of my pregnancy. Last night was my spa treatment. It was even better than an actual spa. I was pampered in a stress free environment surrounded by people I love. I cannot stop smiling about it. I am so very lucky.

After the final blessing from the Divas, I am ready to have my JuneBug. Now she just needs to hold out until Tuesday. I am having some contractions, though nothing within the time frame to warrant calling the doctor. She also moved lower during the night. This is nothing of which to get excited. This just means the process is starting. I could stay exactly like this for days or weeks.

Today is a date day for Sweetie and me. It has been wonderful so far. After I finish this post, we will head back out for more fun. Tomorrow will consist of cleaning the last minute items for her arrival. Monday is the final doctor’s appointment, my last day of work until August 31, and a family dinner in celebration of the next day.

So much is planned for the next three days, yet it feels like time is going so slow. My Sweetie is so amazing about all of this. He is so excited to meet her. He tells me how much he adores me and how much he loves our family.

OK I am starting to get emotional. I am off to finish my date day.

Happy Belly

Looking out my window, I contemplate the life inside me. Our world is changing and quickly. My uneven belly shows me where she is sleeping. I place my hand on her, only flesh separating us for the next few days.

I am so excited. Scared? Yes, of course. I just want to meet this girl so badly.

Two days of work remain. Is that not crazy? The training is going well. Although I am confident that she cannot replace me and when I return they will be happy to have my knowledge and expertise back.

Tomorrow night we have a grand adventure planned. The Divas are throwing a dinner in honor of JuneBug’s upcoming arrival. We will have a relaxing dinner and DarkDiva will proceed to adorn my belly with a henna design for the upcoming event. We are meeting at MotoDiva’s house. I suggested the location because she lives very close to the hospital (just in case).

In the film we developed over the weekend we received the pictures of the last pregnant belly henna design. The pictures came out perfect. I cannot wait to see the design DarkDiva chooses for tomorrow.

38 Week Appointment

Today was our 38-week appointment. In spite of the odds, she flipped. The flipping finished in the waiting room for the appointment. This is so rare at this point that the doctor almost did not check to see her positioning. However, he is still concerned about my pelvis size so the appointment for Tuesday still stands.

Tonight we went to dinner with Best Friend and her husband. It was a great dinner and now I am full and very tired, not sleeping for the last two nights has not helped. Because of this, my post is much shorter than normal. I am off to the land of slumber. Hopefully my Sweetie will not require many pillows, I am so comfortable right now.

Only 3 more days of work, wooo hooo!!!!