it is early

I know I have been blogging a lot. It is helping me. It is early and my family sleeps. I am still so tired, but cannot stay asleep. I am watching the birds on the feeder outside my window. Sweetie put it in the perfect spot.

I have no idea what we are doing today, or even this weekend. I want to do a project with the house. I also want to buy something I normally wouldn't. Sweetie and I had a discussion about this and realized we have a hard time coming up with items to purchase, lol. I know we are going to packet pick up today for Sweetie as he has a race tomorrow. We were supposed to go to a b-day party tomorrow, but I am not up for it. I hope my friends understand. I just can't do a celebration yet, it seems so wrong.

OK there is a pigeon/dove type of bird on the bird feeder. He cannot figure out how to get to the food. It is so funny. He is standing on the roof and walking down and trying to reach it. He is not understanding that he can stand on the side. It is downright funny. Other kind of birds are even coming up and using the side but he isn't catching on.

I will check in again soon.

antsy

It is almost time for bed. I am tired. I want to get out of the house tomorrow, that is for sure. I am numb. I am also so shocked to hear of so many friends who have been through this. That means a lot.

I am so lucky to have Bug and Sweetie. They are my everything.

Sweetie's work sent flowering plant. I love it. I hope we can keep it alive. It was the nicest surprise.

Checking in

First, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to BestFriend. You know you have a great friend when they do everything right and still worry that they didn't do enough.

I am doing ok. Sweetie and Mom were off from work yesterday and took care of me. Bug took the best care of me. She kept snuggling me and saying how she was making me better. That combined with many random "I love you" and hugs and I was reminded how lucky I truly am.

I am coping with the physical pain, mourning the loss, and focusing on the future. Sweetie and I are very sad, that isn't a lie. The worst part of this, and the part that will forever stay in my mind is hearing his voice when I called him from the Dr. Nothing gets to me more than hearing him cry.

Sweetie took Bug to get her hair cut yesterday. He wanted some time one on one with her and wanted to let me get a little rest. While he was gone he set me a surprise. He said I would find it in the morning. This morning I found that he got a humming bird feeder to put on the living room window. It is perfect. And already I have seen many little birds coming to feed. So beautiful. He also took my bird feeder and moved it to where squirrels can't get to it. He placed it in the back yard where I can see it while lying in bed. We have a tiny backyard. But one of my favorite things is to lie in bed watching the outside. He is very smart and knows me so well.

Yesterday I was pretty much medicated the entire day. Not out of it or anything, just sleepy. Thank goodness for Mom. She took care of Sweetie and Bug, while Sweetie and Bug took care of me. It was very calming to be at my childhood home, able to nap when needed, and have Mom feed me. It helped so much.

I kept Bug home today as well. I need her around me. She reminds me that life isn't over. She reminds me that something must have been wrong as she came from me and she is perfection. We went to Target pretty early. I wanted out of the house and cats needed food. I did take another pain pill before I left as I was feeling some discomfort. At Target I felt very hot and got sick. That wasn't fun. We finished our shopping and headed home. I am ok. I am just reminded that I am not bouncing back as quickly as I think I should. There is a 10k on Sunday and I was even considering doing it. After this morning, I know that is not a good idea. The good news is that I found a super cool crockpot. It is a nice distraction for me.

Sweetie is only working a half day today. I am so happy he is going through the mourning process as well. I know that too many guys don't and the emotions can build inside. We are just doing what we do, clinging to each other.

Sweetie and I decided being healthy is our focus now. I am hoping to start back at my walking next week, at a very slow pace.

SIL and I alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve every year. This year she has Thanksgiving and I have Christmas Eve. This means we get to do the Turkey Trot.

I truly appreciate the calls and emails. Thank you. I will be out of my hole soon enough. But, for now, I am in family mode. Thank you for understanding.

Now I am off to rest some more.

Erin hacking the blog again

You can delete this when you read it M, but I wanted the world to see
1. How grateful I am that you're in my life
2. How sorry I am that I am a dunce friend who doesn't know the right thing to do

So, world out there, here goes:

Last night I head to Daisymouse's mom's house to visit with my friend whom I have been so desperate to see because I needed to see with my own eyes that she was ok. I entered the house, Mr. Daisymouse answers the door and I go in. She was on the couch watching Bug. Her sadness was so deep and so substantial you could actually physically feel the pain of it on your skin when you entered the house. But strong as she is, she was moving and talking and being thoughtful of other people.

We had plans to go out to eat. During my time with them, she tried to speak to me about the miscarriage a couple times. I should have queried her, asked her about things, listened to her talk it out, but I was so desperate to not see her hurt anymore, I couldn't make my brain talk about it. I talked about everything and anything else like a moron. I wanted to see her smile again and be distracted by mundane things.

As soon as I left I berated myself for being so emotionally inept. Got home and sent her a flurry of txt messages apologizing, telling her how much I love her and how important she is to me. I hope she understands and forgives me.

To Daisymouse,
1. You are my rent-a-kid-sister and best friend and I will do anything for you, go anywhere at any time, and I wish to God there was something I could do or say to take some of the pain away
2. I will never be one of those people who, albeit with good motives, try to make it better by saying they know how you feel. I am aware that this pain you are going through is a pain unique to you in all the world in all time, but I promise to be there to listen and from now on, I won't try to hide behind mundane topics because I'm scared of you being hurt
3. I will never shrug it off saying there's always another or there's always Bug, because I know this was a separate person and the pain can not be replaced by substituting anything else in its place
4. I know you are at the beginning of a journey that you will walk alone, but please please please come back to us when you're ready. We need you so much. You're my family. My role model. My best friend. And in total honesty, my favorite person in all the world. You are so beautiful and without a doubt beloved by this world and by me.

:(

D&C complete

Last night MIL, SIL, BIL, Niece, and Mom hung out with me. It was good to be surrounded by family. Mom took bug home with her as I had to be at the hospital at 6 in the morning. It was good as I cried my eyes out. This morning I took a nice shower where I cried some more. It was strange to cry so much when I felt so numb.

Sweetie has been awesome. We quickly went into couple mode. We aren't like everyone else. We are the type to laugh at a funeral. We laughed 99% of the time we waited for the procedure. It is how we roll. That is why I keep him around, he can make me laugh at the hardest times.

The procedure itself was not bad. I went to sleep and then they woke me. I didn't even know anything had been done. Now I am in some pain, but nothing horrible. I am at Mom's so she can take care of me. Sweetie is with me but did mention he might go into work when I am sleeping, to distract himself. I don't blame him.

I am doing good. I am feeling the emotions, but have a very healthy sense of everything. I am not giving up on giving Bug a baby brother/sister.

I hate to cut this short, but my vicodin is kicking in and I need a nap in a bad way. THANK YOU for all the emails, comments, calls. I know how loved I am. I am truly grateful.

Not meant to be

The appointment didn't bring the good news I was hoping. The baby measured at 9 weeks. As I should have been 11 weeks, I knew the situation right then. He searched for heartbeat. There wasn't one to be found. I lost the baby. I go in for the D&C tomorrow. I am off from work for the remainder of the week.

Currently I am surrounded by family. Sweetie, Mom, MIL, and SIL are here to support me. I am beyond words.

Dr said we can start trying again after my next period. I don't think we will be ready by then but it was good to hear. He also said due to it being this late and how it is happening that it was a genetic issue and not meant to be. It is easy to say that, but it still hurts.

I am off to find a stiff drink. I think it is ok to be hung over for the D&C, right? I guess I have to start exercising and eating right.

Dr appt

OK so no signs of anything tragic, but I have an unexpected Dr appt this morning. I called the nurse and sure enough they are squeezing me in. Please send prayers, good thoughts, anything you do. I am sure everything is fine, but I am getting checked out. The nurse thinks I just need my RH shot. I will keep everyone updated. As I say, this isn't an ER trip or anything. And sorry to be vague. I will feel better after the appt.

Then I get to get Bug for her routine ENT appt. This makes for a short day. I better log in from home so I don't have to use PTO.

Crazy day.

thank goodness it is over

Yesterday evening we received a great downpour. In many ways it was surreal. You see we were at Moms and the neighbor kids, when it was only sprinkling, were outside playing in the water running down the road.
Bug saw this and wanted to go out and play. Once we got outside, the big kids were in front of their house. Bug wanted to play with them. I said sure. She started off to the other house like there was no second thought. I convinced her to wait until we asked if it was ok. These are, after all, kids around 7-12 or so.
The middle boy that was playing outside came over and asked if she wanted to play with them. I loved it. Not only that he said her name correctly. He asked his brother and sister if she could play and they agreed. He stuck with her and planned with her so awesomely. He is 9 and so mature and patient. Bug said she loves him. That got Sweetie sighing.
So onto the surreal part. I always played in this same spot with the water coming down the street. My most memorable one was during the flood of 1981. I was four and had the BEST time with the water up to my knees. So I was walking to the corner with bug with our feet in the water. The water puddles up in the same spot. And in spite of the road being redone over the last 28 years, this one spot where it puddles, looks exactly the same as when I was three. It was a lot of fun.

Now to my title. Before we went outside I felt a headache coming on. I took medicine and went out to play. I came back in and it was worse. It had me in tears. Sweetie got me food, hoping it would help. Nothing helped. It was a tension headache worse than a migraine. I couldn't lay my head down without pain. I almost went to the ER. It was so bad that I slept on the couch. I don't know how late it was that I finally fell asleep, but I did. Headache gone for the most part. Now I pray it doesn't get any worse.

Cupcakes

I love cupcakes. Bug does as well. I mean, why not? They are portion controlled, cute, fun, and remind me of being a kid. We went to the mall tonight with BestFriend. Sweetie craved Frulatti, BestFriend needed to hang, and I was on a hunt for a crock pot (got it narrowed down to two).

After our fun BestFriend said she needed to get bubble tea before leaving, we went to a part of the mall that I hardly go to. I realized quickly that the chocolate store across from where BestFriend was ordering her bubbleness was no longer there. I didn't frequent the chocolate store as I am a Lammes Girl. But they did have great caramel apples, so I paid attention. Yes, that is a lot for me these days.

Anyway, in that location is a store called Be My Cupcake. Bug and I each got a small cupcake. She got the vanilla with sprinkles and I the red velvet. The man working the counter was very friendly and nice, I loves me some customer service.

The cupcakes were great. I know there may be more gourmet cupcake shops in town, but this is close, convenient, inexpensive, and yummy. What more can you ask for? And I love the size of the small cupcakes. If this baby keeps craving cake, this may be my savior. I can have a yummy cupcake without driving all over or baking a dozen. Woo Hoo.

We arrived at close to 9:00, closing time, so they were very picked over. This did not upset me as they make the cupcakes fresh every day. The two we had were very moist and yummy. Bug could only eat half of hers so I was able to taste both. I cannot wait to go back and try the pumpkin.

A little funny

The other night Bug and Sweetie were playing in the kitchen. I listened happily in the living room and overhear the following conversation:

Bug: Terry come here
Sweetie: My name is daddy
Bug: Terry come here
Sweetie: What is my name?
Bug: Terry
Sweetie: No, my name is daddy. What is my name?
Bug: Terry
By this time she is cracking up. She knows this drives him crazy. I had to add my part.
Me: Bug, what is my name?
Bug runs into the living room and smiles and says: Mommy
Sweetie: What is my name?
Bug: Terry.....Daddy
She then had him be a horse and rode him around the house laughing. It was too funny. She can already tell how to give him a hard time. There is no hope for him.

She hasn't seen Animaniacs so I have to blame this on Simpsons.

emotions

This weekend was filled with emotions. It started on Thursday with our last dinner with Brother as a Texas resident. We helped load his trailer and said our goodbyes. He was awesome and stopped by on his way out of town on Friday. Yes, there were tears. He has been good and sending me text updates and calling. He sounds awesome and hit Canada today.

Saturday was Kait's 16th b-day. We had a good time celebrating her. She is awesome and I am so happy to be included in her b-day plans. That and Bug got to see her Doodle, she adores him so.

The good news is that it looks like I am past the worst of the morning sickness. Thank goodness. I know that some nausea will linger, but the 24 hour seems to have let up.

I know this is short. But I am so very tired and I need to get my feet up.

Today is a bullet point day.

• Throwing up nothing first thing in the morning sucks.
• Throwing up while sitting in a car in a parking lot before lunch sucks.
• Throwing up when getting back to work after lunch sucks.
• Having free ice cream day on a day like this sucks.
• I still ate the ice cream, cross fingers it stays down.
• I look cute in black with white polka dots.
• I am wearing maternity clothing. Damn it is comfortable.
• I have no focus for work today.
• Bug wants to buy clothing tonight.
• Brother leaves in two days. I hope to see him tonight and tomorrow night. I am going to miss him.
• Bug told me this morning that she needs to say good bye to him.
• I need to drink more water, I think it is time to break out the bubba keg.
• I saved a cricket today.
• I hope this nausea goes away soon. I have things to do, walking, studying, cleaning, removing everything in a computer room - so much to do and less than 30 weeks to do it.
• I cut my hair short, like how it used to be. I like it a lot. Mostly I did it so I don't notice the hair loss as much with fluctuating thyroid.

Letting go of control

That is the theme for this year. I had to let go of control of our anniversary plans and they turned out awesome. I let go of control of my health and look what has happened - yay. Not that control is bad. That isn't the point. But letting go can be a very good exercise.

So my thyroid is off. It is high (which means slow) according to my OB. But the number they gave me isn't high according to my endo (based on past experience on what range she uses) but it is for my GP. So I went to my GP and they said "oops you are pregnant, I ain't touching that". Ok they didn't say that exactly, but anyway. I called the best in town and asked for the range they use. They told me the same that my endo uses. It amazes me that my GP has the most up to date amounts and not these endos.

My Endo's nurse called me yesterday. She said that they received lab results from my OB and that I am high. YAY they believe it too!!!!

I have an appt with my Endo next month. I am to keep doing what I am doing and get my blood tested then and see where I stand. The nurse said "it seems you have flipped from hyper to hypo, it is rare but it can happen". I tried not to laugh and say "of course, I flipped from hypo to hyper in the first place". Bestfriend pointed out "anything is possible with missy".

So I had faith and I let go of control and my Endo came through after all. YAY. My focus is going to be trying to eat healthier and see where I stand. I cannot wait until this sickness is gone so I can be productive and walk again. I know that will help.

Goodbye Bosco, RIP

This morning Mom and I had to make the very hard decision to put our lab, Bosco, to sleep. It was a hard decision. He was an old dog and we simply couldn't deny it any longer. We got him when I was in high school. He is the last of the dogs that my Dad had. It feels like we are losing the last attachment to him. It simply hurts. Work is understanding. I called in and left a message that I am sure was quite nonsense sounding, I was crying too hard. Mom and I have been mourning with many tears, some shopping, and, of course, food.

Rest in peace my dear puppy, I love you!

SHHHHHH

I just got home and am feeling great. Be very very quiet, don't want baby to change this around. I feel like I could actually DO something tonight, I know crazy. Let's hope it sticks. Here's to a productive night.

... waiting his turn

Hello all! This is BFF hacking into Daisymouse's blog because I have to share the quote of the week with you.

Tonight, I got to go to dinner with Daisymouse, Mr. Daisymouse and Bug, YAY!. Bug was hyper most of dinner, so I didn't get to have much conversation with her, but we all went to their house afterwards to tour Mr. Daisymouse's new Wii game. Very piratey.

So Bug decides I'm to be her playmate, she sits me on the floor and we do various things like drink tea, play with flashlights etc., then we finally pull out the little plastic people (is there a name for them?) They had all been in a plastic people school bus which Bug tipped over, then they were on the floor. (Let us hope this doesn't lead to a fear of riding the school bus when she's older)

Bug decided four of the eight of them needed naps. "Time to go night night", she says to them, laying them gently on their bellies and putting a blanket over them. I say "night night babies" in response and pet their plastic backsides. Then Bug wakes them up. "Good morning!" I say. Then those same four have to night night again, etc.

I asked her if Santa Claus, who was in the group of four that hadn't been "put to bed" got to go to sleep as well at which point, Bug suddenly donned this very very STERN face, pointed her index finger down at the plastic toy and said very angry teacher-like:

YOU WAIT YOUR TURN SANTA CLAUS!!!

From that point on, Santa became a trouble maker. When he tipped over, knocking into another of the plastic people, he got yelled at for "hitting her friend" and Bug picked him up and put him near the front door, telling him:
BAD SANTA!!!!

I yelled out, "Santa tell your friend you're sorry". Bug said "Say you're sorry Santa" at which point Santa and the other doll kissed many times and everything was better until Santa knocked into another and got put in the corner again.

It was great fun.

Thank you Daisymouse for #1 letting me play with your kiddo, and #2 for being such a great mom that you have a kid that cool

Thyroid results

I am hypo, 4.04. YAYAYAY! Yay? Yes yay. My hair is coming out, my weight is coming on (more than it should at this point), I have been having some sadness, and I have had some brain fog. There is a reason. I am hypo again. This is normal. I wasn't hypo when I got pregnant so baby has done this, but I am so ok with it. I go back on my meds, they watch me closely, and all is well, just like last time.

AND due to my Endo not following the new guidelines for hypo, I get to go back to my GP for my medication and monitoring. That makes me even happier. I already made my appt, Friday 8:30. This makes me happy. I was normal for almost a year, at least I know it is possible.

insight

Last week Sweetie received an email from an online store he had used a few months ago notifiying him of a shipment due on his b-day. He asked if it was from me. I explained to him that if I did get him something, which I wasn't supposed to because we got him a kick ass bicycle, I would not use his user name and log in. He went online to see the details. $300 worth of star wars toys showed shipped to our address. I was already searching our accounts making sure we didn't pay for this when he said it was paid with an Amex. We do not have Amex. We hoped someone would catch the glitch. Sure enough, we get home yesterday and a very large box waited at our front door.

Now we could have been the type of people to keep the items since we didn't pay for them, let alone sign for them. But no, we are not like this. Sweetie called the company and they are sending UPS to pick them up on Thursday. The suckass thing is that the company didn't even thank Sweetie for being such a stand up guy. But I know we did right. I don't want that kind of bad karma any where near us.

So that is a little insight into us.

WE HAVE HEARTBEAT

You know it is a good sign when the dr just puts the sonogram in and says "there is most definitely a baby in there". We saw baby, we saw heartbeat. Bug was there. This time instead of holding Sweetie's hand after hearing the "healthy" comment, it was Bug's. She thought it was cool she saw babybrothersister on the computer. My Dr is awesome. I am so glad we kept with him. Bug got a sticker for being good and we were told to bring her every time. Some Dr office's aren't as kid friendly. I am very relieved. She is my little helper with everything. They took five viles of blood - including checking for thyroid. So hopefully everything is ok.  

I SAW THE HEARTBEAT!!!!! Wow this is really hitting me. OK off to celebrate Sweetie. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE

Happy Birthday Sweetie. I hope today is a great b-day for you. You are amazing and wonderful. I love you with all of my heart. You are the greatest father. It is with much joy that we begin this amazing journey again.

Our first appt is today. I have no reason to think anything is wrong, but I am a mess. I will be until I hear "healthy". Bug is coming with us. I hope she is up for it. She told her teacher, "we are going to the dr for mommy, he is going to make her better and look at her tummy". Too cute.

Man I love my big girl. My appt isn't until 3:30. However, I have to get Bug, get Sweetie, get there. BLAH. I just hate waiting. I want to know now. That and I think my thyroid might be off. I am showing signs of hypo. I know they will check it today. And I am not worried about it.

This weekend was awesome. Friday night was b-day celebration date night. Sushi (only California rolls for me), Dark Knight, Cheesecake factory (best strawberry shortcake). Saturday was seeing Beauty and the Beast live at Zilker. It was fun. The kids had a great time. Then yesterday was me being VERY sleepy. I took some benedryal to help allergies. OMG it put me to sleep.

OK off to see baby. Wish me luck.

give me a trash can

I feel like crap. There is the morning sickness. No throwing up today, but might as well be. And I have a cough. I hate it. Oh and a terrible headache.

And I feel blue today. Not sure why. But I feel very emotionally on edge. I know it is prob hormones.

I called the Dr about the cough. I am to take cough syrup and tylenol and lots of water. I have the appt on Monday and they will check me out then. If anything turns green or I get a fever I am to go to my family dr.

I cannot wait until Monday. Things will be better Monday. It is Sweetie's B-day AND the appt. We have an afternoon time slot so the day will drag like nobody's business. But we won't have to come back to work, so that is good.

Tuesday I will tell the remaining work peeps. A few know already. I had to explain why I wasn't doing WW with them this time. Of course, accoring to my IT friend, since I am already showing most should already know, lol.

And the saddest news came today. The lady at work who makes homemade cakes for everyone's b-day is leaving. SHE IS LEAVING. I am pregnant and have a bigger sweet tooth than EVER, and she has the nerve to move to Dallas? Who cares about grandkids, my death by chocolate needs are more important.

My head is killing me. That is one thing I will complain about, not being able to take anything stronger than tylenol. OK done ranting, need to go and pick Bug up.

to which i say Blah

I am emotional today. I feel lazy, fat, useless. OK I know I am none of these things, but I don't feel up to doing anything and that makes me feel worse. I know I am talking in circles. And I am trying to study. No real stress there, just trying to find the time.

And then to top it off, my biggest reason for being emotional - less the pregnancy of course - is Brother. My Brother is moving. And not just moving, he is moving to Alaska. And not in a few months, on 8/15/08. He has always lived near me. Even when we weren't talking on an almost daily basis he was close by. This is the first time he will be away. And it is very emotional. I am going to miss him. Sure we will have phones and Internet. But it will be different. The holidays are going to be so different. I am so excited and at the same time so sad about the upcoming changes.

I want him to be happy, I want him to find himself, to experience life. But in a selfish way, I want him to do that here. Google maps says that it is over 4,200 miles of driving between us. That doesn't make for a quick weekend get away to see him. I just worry about him and like having him around.

So today I am emotional. But as I reminded Mom last night, we focus on what needs to be done and show our emotions after. We handle stressful situations well.

Things are just changing and quickly.

the ear

the life of a mother

This morning Sweetie left us early for his quarterly company meeting. Bug and I were getting ready pretty slowly - but no real surprise.

That is until I went to brush her hair.

I came across some knots, not out of the norm. I moved her hair aside and saw her ear. OMG so bad. A TON of drainage. I check her, no fever.

I call work and let them know I will be late if not out today. I call the ENT, Dr not in (shit), but they will call in drops since she doesn't have a fever. I call CVS and ask for the rx to be filled then - 15 minutes, not to bad. We eat breakfast sitting on the kitchen floor - we are cool like that. We get the meds, get her to school - no fever so she can go. She didn't want me to drop her off, of course.

She has been at school without any problems, no calls at least. I am going to sneak out and get her and check on her. I hate it when my baby doesn't feel well.

And being the way I am, I took a picture of the ear. Everyone I have shown it to has said it looks horrible. Good, at least I wasn't over reacting. Don't worry I will post it.

In other news, my morning sickness is here. YAY. That was sarcasm.

best day

Today was the best day. we went to see mamma mia. omg best movie in so long. mil, mom, neice, sil, and I went for a girls event. so good so good. if you like musicals go see it.we laughed and cried.

HORMONAL

I am hormonal today. It has hit. My belly is growing and quickly. I am not sure if I will be able to keep it from work for another 2.5 weeks. Sweetie was wonderful and helped all he could this morning during my break down. He then asked to have lunch with me. This baby likes to eat. So different from Bug. Baby made me sick for like 5 days and ever since it has been all about the food.

I am starting to get excited. I am still cautious. I will feel more at ease after our appt. I just worry. We have a perfect little girl and I fear that we won't be as lucky a second time.

In other news I hope to get a ton of studying done this week. I told my boss about the CMA and he sounds excited for me. This is good. I just want to crank it out before I get too big to sit at the computer for a four hour test, lol.

BestFriend and I had a long talk today about how we don't see in ourselves what others see. She believes we focus on our own flaws instead of seeing the whole picture. That helped a ton. It is true. I focus on the things that I see as wrong. She truly is the best. So my focus tonight is to pack away clothes I cannot wear, no sense getting upset about it. And I am going to focus on doing things to make me feel pretty every day.

pics

Mom at her party:My little family:

The beautiful sunset:
DarkDiva being gorgeous:
BestFriend's hawt shoes and legs:
My too grown up Niece:Last night Sweetie brought me flowers and chocolate milk. He is the best!There you have it, a few photos to see what we have been up to.

SURPRISE

This weekend was a blast. I was successful in keeping a secret from Mom - I know shocking. We threw her a great surprise party on Saturday. She was in tears, though she hid them more than I wanted. It was fun and tiring.

Last night and tonight we worked on my room at my Mom's house. Jim may be staying there for a little while. It was fun to look through high school items.

I am uploading photos now :-)

Happy Birthday Mom

Yesterday was Mom's 60th b-day. I should have blogged sooner, but we were so busy. BestFriend and I surprised Mom by taking the day off work and spending it with her. I gave away the surprise, I am so bad at keeping secrets from my mom. We enjoyed starbucks, Alamo Draft House, shopping, playing with Bug's friends, and dinner at Outback. It was awesome. I hope it was what she was looking forward to with her b-day. It was exactly what I was hoping for. Happy Birthday Mom - you are a sensational sixty!

As far as me, I am doing great. I walked three days this week. I have been feeling good since Monday. I hope this good feeling lasts. The main difference with this pregnancy this far, to keep feeling good - I have to eat. I am trying to eat healthy items, but you know how it is. I think the walking has helped a ton. Plus it gives me time to move my body and listen to my lectures.

The real difference with my walking is BestFriend. She said she will call my house and wake everyone up if I don't get up to walk. So far, this tactic has worked.

This weekend is a double date with Jim. I cannot wait. I think we are going to have a fantastic time.

Feeling Great

Other than getting sick after lunch, I have felt great today. I walked this morning, didn't have my headache, sore throat, or bad nausea.

I don't know how I am going to keep it quiet at work for another month. I just hope I feel as good for the remainder of the week - Mom's b-day is on Wednesday. WooHoo!

What a great weekend

This has been a great weekend so far, and it isn't even over. Thursday was awesome with a lunch with Sweetie's coworkers in celebration of him. No real reason, not an anniversary or promotion, they just wanted to make sure he knew how much he was appreciated. It was awesome. They even gave him two bound books of the work he has done over the last 2.5 years.

Sweetie's day continued to improve as after he left from work. He went to Mom's as I was there with a horrible headache. It was so bad I had to leave work early and go straight to sleep - Mom's house is closer to work than mine so I went there. BAD MIGRAINE. Anyway, I was awake and we were outside when he arrived. Bug ran to the door at top speed. I let her in and she ran and picked up a bag and took it to him. She said. "this is for you". Shocked, he said "for me?" I told him that we wanted to continue the celebration from lunch.

He opened the bag and started to laugh as he felt the kiosk SWAG type pen wrapped in tissue. As he unwrapped it, his face changed quickly from humor to being ecstatic. You see, what Bug gave him wasn't a pen.

It was a digital pregnancy test. And his ecstatic response was based on the "pregnant" listed as plain as day. He looked at me yelled OMG and Yay and some other happy words. He then looked at me all serious and said "are you sure?" I smiled and said "blood test confirmed". He kissed and hugged me. He hasn't stopped smiling at me.
So once again, we have the luck of getting pregnant the first month of trying. Before you think I am bragging, please know morning sickness has already set in. So much for having a fun "trying" phase. I am doing ok. I am sicker this time already. I have been fighting a headache, and I have a sore throat. I walked yesterday and I enjoyed a nice nap today and leisurely studying. It hasn't sunk in all the way. I keep telling people hoping it will be more real. Don't get me wrong we are beyond excited. But it is hard to believe that, God willing, we are going to be a family of four in March.

I know this is early to post. However, the way I see it, if something horrible happens, I will need my friends to support me. The good news is my thyroid is healthier and I am starting out over 20 pounds lighter than last time.

BestFriend was the first to know, I then blurted it out to my Mom. I knew at that point that planning in a big way to tell Sweetie, wasn't going to happen. I have a big mouth.

Last time was princess pregnancy. This time is queen pregnancy. And yes, the queen has already begun ruling.

Life is Wonderful.
She is going to make the best big sister.

**Ok quick story, I have been having symptoms and last week Bug told me out of the blue, "there's a baby in there". I was due to start on Thursday so I tested on Wednesday. I got a negative. I tested again on Thursday and received a positive. At the dr I took the urine test, it came back negative (of course my pee was practically clear to how much I am drinking). The dr said "we have seen the result of you being pregnant, so I want to know for sure today". He put a stat on the blood test and they told me he would get the official answer in 2 hours. About 2.5 hours later he called me on my cell. Indeed the answer was positive.

moving right along

I walked this morning, second time this week. I listened to my lectures as I walked. Currently I am reviewing microeconomics. I forgot how much I enjoy this topic. I am also impressed with the amount I have remembered. The last mirco class I took was at least 8 years ago. I also received the letter with my testing authorization number. I have until 11/6 to take the first section. I am so excited.

Last night I was lucky enough to see MotoDiva, her Jeff, BestFriend, and G. It was a good dinner. However, after BestFriend and I slipped away to do some shopping. We laughed so hard. I love hanging out with her. If you don't know her she has the best "i am telling a joke but keeping a serious face" face. It cracks me up. Best part of the evening can be summed in two quotes, "are you having a seizure?" and "a shallot is a fish". And she bought me dark chocolate - she is the bestest bestfriend ever.

Work is busy, but good - actually getting caught up. I am so happy to have a three day weekend. I am going to put it to good use with laundry and studying. Oh and playing and having much fun too.

For now it is time to get out of here. Thank you Bestfriend for your comment. Your support means the world to me.

happy

There is more drama. Well that isn't the right word. But I was once again reminded yesterday by three people how much our friendship means to them. It simply makes me smile.

I am very busy coming up. This weekend is the 4th and next week is Mom's b-day.

And I started my studying. I am feeling good about it. We shall see. The good news is with this certification I find out if I passed the minute I finish the test for three out of the four sections.

OK sorry to be short, must get Bug and meet friends for dinner.

long day/night

Today was filled with emotion. I am up very late. My day started with consoling a friend. Love sucks sometimes. She is a good friend to me and I made sure to try and help in her time of sadness. At least I hope I helped. Everyone is going through something. And to be honest, I don't want to waste energy on blame. If I am not a party involved, then all I can do is be supportive.

Sometimes all you need is a little push from the universe to remind you of why things turned out the way they did. You know like when you find out an ex boyfriend is in jail - you know that regardless of the hurt that was there at the end, it was worth it. I received an email from someone who was a friend. I had been to visit one of my best friends in the same complex and it brought back some emotions on how things ended. I knew I had contributed to pain and I hate that. I had to clear the air and let her know that I do feel remorse and that I hope she has a wonderful life. Thank you universe for reminding me. You don't critique an apology. Even if you think it is horrible, you hit delete. Why waste the energy. It just makes me laugh. I turned to BestFriend, of course, and thanked her for not pointing out my faults. She replied with the best answer (hope you don't mind me quoting you):

yes i have
i point them out CONSTANTLY
you're stubborn
especially when it comes to taking compliments
you're too considerate, especially when it comes to people who aren't worthy
you're WAY too cute
the kind of cute that is infuriating
IT MAKES ME SO MAD!
let's see... what else
btw :p <------

She told me exactly what I needed to hear. And it isn't the first time I have been told this. I try to surround myself with only amazing people, but I do tend to be too considerate of those unworthy. No longer. I shall not waste my energy. I wanted things to end better. Perhaps that isn't an option. But I am done, so that is all that matters.

During the day, one of my peeps needed my help. Thanks to an unused training room, we were able to speak frankly about the issues. There were hugs, tears, and much appreciation. Today was one of those days that I just felt like a good person.

Tonight we had dinner with Brother. Things have been strained between us. Tonight we made up for that. We talked for hours. There we tears, laughter, and much needed bonding. I adore my big brother. It looks like he may be moving soon. It tears me up inside. I don't judge him for wanting to go. But I won't lie, I will miss him. We stayed up past Sweetie and Bug, we kept talking. He is my brother, but also my friend. Once again I was reminded of what friendship is about. Thank you Brother!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think a friend should sit back and always agree. Not at all. BestFriend isn't that way either. She tells me straight up her opinion when I ask for it. However, she knows my intentions before I even finish my sentences. She knows if we are having a "let's plan the future" conversation that things are always serious (like with the CPA/CMA discussion). Or if what I am saying comes out wrong because it is all that I have to say. She knows my meaning. If I say I am sorry for everything, she won't critique and say that I forgot three specific items. She will understand my intentions of an apology. And I do the same for her.

I know you don't read my blog any more. But if you come across these words, please know I truly do wish you health and happiness.

I am blessed. Life is good. I am very happy. My friends are going through issues right now. I want to help them all. That is probably why my first major in college was psychology. The road from that to accounting is interesting, but for another time.

I ordered the review material for my CMA. I also wrote up a proposal for my company to help with the expenses. I have to convince two cpa's that the cma is worthy. I am so silly sometimes. My honest biggest fear, I know sounds silly, is not that they will say that they aren't going to pay, it is that the CFO decides all the accountants should have this credential. I know silly. There are three CPAs in my office and another accountant studying for it. If I took that one I could be one of five CPAs. Why would I feel different about the CMA. I guess I want it to be my thing for the time being.

Today was just one of those days where at each turn I felt I was being reminded of things. I appreciate days like this. I appreciate my family and friends. I appreciate what a good friend they know I am. I appreciate that I can go months without hearing from them only to speak and get caught up and not blamed for the lapse in time. I appreciate that I know that regardless of what is going on, that I can depend on these people.

Ok it is WAY late and Bug is going to get up in a few hours. I must go to sleep. Good night all, have a fantastic weekend. We gave Bug a digital camera for her b-day. This is one of the pics from her first "roll". I love seeing things through her eyes.

Still here

I have not blogged in some time. I am still here. AC is working, Bug is potty trained 99% - woo hoo. My tactic of not legally being able to buy diapers once she turned 3 worked. OK or maybe it was the compromise of me saying I wouldn't push again until after she turned three. The point is that we have not had her in a normal diaper since the 8th. And she is in panties all day every day. She totally rocks.

Last weekend BestFriend and I joined DarkDiva to get her belly button pierced. I am so glad that we went as support. I don't get a chance to support my friends as much as I truly want, I am making it a higher priority. I have amazing friends and I want to spend as much time as I can with them. And I walked out without getting a piercing or tattoo - amazing. OK only because we ran out of time.

There is drama everywhere. There are 8 couples in my life whose marriages are ending/in trouble. It is heart breaking. I am not one to believe in staying married when things are bad. You have to make it better or get out. Regardless of the situation, it is still emotional.

And I guess it is time to announce. The new thing with work. I am putting the CPA on hold for the time being. I am instead focusing on the CMA - Certified Management Accountant. This is more along what I do. They are both hard tests, same number of parts, education requirement, experience requirement, ethics requirement, and test at the same location. The bottom line difference, the CPA focuses on auditing the financials of a company while the CMA is the one who prepares the financials. I started the process and should receive the notice to test for the first section very soon. Wish me luck. Interesting thing - I had trouble finding a mac CPA review. I have found several CMA reviews for mac. So that is the new thing for me.

OH AND BIG NEWS. I got my thyroid tested last week. It was a nice and NORMAL NUMBER. That means nine months of normal and counting. I truly think they will say remission in Sept when I go back.

We will see how incredibly long all of my little projects will take.

The main thing is that I am feeling good, strong, and happy.

My Bug, oh how I love her:

things happen as they do

The feeling of sickness has left me. And, unfortunately, went to BestFriend - so so sorry. Though I still have a sinus infection looming. Monday I was home sick. Sure enough, to top it all off, our AC broke. Do you know what having an air conditioner break in triple degree heat means?

• waiting until Friday for a replacement
• being grateful for not spending the incentive check yet
  
• discovering cool bubble baths are a fun to cool off with Bug
  
• being thankful for our advancements in potty training in the last week and a half so Bug can run around as she please and not overheat/or case a mess
• being comfortable sleeping naked - normally I love covers and PJs
• realizing that while 91 degrees inside sucks, it isn't so bad
• being grateful for Sweetie installing fans all over the house
• being surprised to discover how cool the kitchen floor stays ;-)

And, of course, me being me, I am highly considering a slight alteration to my plan. That is why my plans live in excel, so I can change them. I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching, and networking. I want to do what is best for my career right now. And to be honest, I have never been one to follow the beaten path. So it looks like the CPA is going to be put on hold for the time being. Not given up on by any means. I found something that I think will help me more at this point in time - more on that as it progresses. The good news is that I already started the first step.

And I am a horrible mother. I have not uploaded my photos from the party. They are coming, I promise. Things are just busy, hot and busy.

Now that I am feeling better though - because I am not letting this sinus issue get me down - I am getting back into getting healthy, organizing, and moving forward with goals.

I also go and get my blood tested tomorrow - cross fingers for normal.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my Sweetie. You are an amazing father. Thank you for loving us so very much. This day is all about you, and when I got sick you never complained about not having a day of pampering for yourself. I shall make this one up to you. You are my world, my heart, my future, and my greatest friend. Thank you.

Yes, I am sick today. Blah. I woke up at 4:00am and was awake until 7:30 sick. I am finally starting to feel better. I am hoping it was just a 24 hour bug, bad food maybe. And even with feeling bad today and not up to par, I still had a fantastic weekend. Friday we saw T and her family. She is doing AWESOME. Yesterday was mani/pedi and lunch with BestFriend and then I went to DarkDiva's belly dancing performance with BestFriend, Mom, Sweetie, and Bug. She was beautiful, as always. We completed the evening with food and icecream. Awesome night day.

OK I am off to bed. Here is to a productive week and feeling fantastic.

crazy day

As I wrote before, things are crazy this week. This morning T had her surgery. She is in recovery - YAY! Of course, things can't be as simple as they should be. Bug got sick at 5:00, 6:55, 7:30 and then again at 1:00. UGH. I have afternoon duty with her. I just want her to feel better. Then tonight Sweetie takes over as Mom and I go to the hospital. I have to check on T and make sure everything is ok. I think visiting friends in the hospital is very important. So that is my crazy day.

so much

The party was a smashing success. It was exactly what I hoped for, a park filled with people who love her and friends to play with. Thank you to everyone who came. It was so nice to see as many of my own friends there as her's.

This weekend was filled with so much emotion. There is a lot going on with my family/friends. And it is my nature to try and take care of everyone. I love my peeps. And this week looks to be as busy, if not more so.

Tonight we are going to hang out with BestFriend. I am looking forward to it. I do not get to see her enough. Then Wednesday my dear friend T is having surgery. We will be at the hospital Wed and Thursday night offering our help.

And with everything going on, it is so nice to have friends who support me and give me advice on hard decisions. It is even nicer that both told me the same thing and didn't know I was chatting with the other. It honestly cracks me up. But they know how I over think and stress over things. They accept me how I am, dorkiness and all.

"if you close the hole in your hand tight, not as many butterflies get in" ~ BestFriend

To my Bug on her 3rd b-day

Oh my dear little girl, I cannot express how happy you make me. You are an amazing little girl. I love how you are the right mix of tom boy and silly girl. You love your princess (tinker bell) as well as thomas the train and cars. I knew that you would change my life. I simply did not understand by how much. Since your arrival three years ago, so much has happened, we have grown together, concurred battles together, and laughed on a daily basis. You bring out my silliness and I adore that. You reminded me of what is important in life. You made us a family. I now cannot imagine life without you. Whether you are giggling, running, or arguing with me about the existence of the number four, you are pure joy. I love how you sing like I do, how you snuggle, and how you hide under the covers. Sweetie and I love being parents. You make it a thrill.

And thank you for being so awesome at your first movie yesterday - Kung Fu Panda was awesome with you. Thank you for playing hooky with us.

I love you honey, I hope you love being three (yes 3, not 5 like keep saying, I am not ready for that).

Springy Arches

Well, I am happy to report that BestFriend was right, as she always is, and I was over reacting. He RSVPd yes. YAY. Now we may change some logistics, but I know where his heart lies and I apologize for anything nasty written or thought. But I wouldn't be a good lil sister if I didn't fly off the handle every now and again. The day is going to be perfect for my Bug and that is all that matters.

So I go crazy sometimes - it is true. But it is because I love my family so very much. They are my world.

Oh and last night Sweetie, Bestfriend, Christie, Bug, and I all went bowling. Bug was a pro. I cannot wait to do it again with her.

I got some arch supports for my shoes, we shall see if they help. They feel a little odd right now, but very springy.

Tomorrow is the 3rd annual celebrate Bug day. We are hoping to take her to a movie - yay. Then we prepare for the party. WOO HOO!

pissed

I should not blog when I am pissed. It is not productive or positive. But I cannot help it right now.

But this is the thing. Bug's b-day is Saturday. This is the first b-day that she is fully aware of her day and is looking forward to it. This party is ONLY two hours of one evening. This party is not at a far away location. This party is important to HER. This is not about holding grudges or judging. This is about keeping the day innocent and about HER. I didn't want anyone to have to answer questions. I have THREE people in my family. That is all. If one is missing - it is obvious.

I am just beyond words. And you don't even know it. I overheard the conversation. It wasn't said to me. And I think that makes it worse. I thought the day was important to you too. I thought you were the ultimate uncle. I thought we meant the most. I understand your company leaves the next day. But it is TWO FUCKING HOURS. I have friends that not only cleared their schedule but also asked how they can help, and said they wouldn't think of inviting their legit boyfriends/girlfriends.

I feel in a horrible position. I don't want to back down on my decision. I don't want to give in in order to stay in your life. I shouldn't have to. I have given in with other ways. I have shown that I love you no matter what, I have been as supportive as I can. Don't take that for granted.

I hope and pray that you change your mind before Saturday. I hope I don't have to explain this to you. I hope you come to your senses. I just cannot believe that this is even a stress I am having. I never thought I would. I am so fearful that you won't change your mind, that you will remain selfish and this will hurt our relationship.

Perhaps our relationship doesn't mean as much as you claim it does.

mixed emotions

Things are interesting this week. A lot of different things going on. Hard to sort out my feelings. We have a dinner tonight. I am cautious. BestFriend will be there with us, that helps. If this headache would go away, I would be so much better.

smiles

Wow, I didn't expect such a response with my last post. I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal. But it made me feel good, thank you.

Bug's party is turning bigger than I expected. That is totally awesome. I love having so many people in love with my Bug. And I received tonight the news that Doodle is going to be there. Watch out, two of Bug's boyfriends will be there.

Goals for this weekend include: planning food, drinks, party favors, and logistics of party; walking - even if it is only 30 minute, I need to see what my foot will let me do; buy new walking shoes; get my sprint t-shirt; meet BestFriend's new friend; color hair; and relax.

Tonight we celebrated Niece. I love spending time with family. To sum it up, tonight I am feeling complete happiness.

don't touch it

I did something awesome today. I mailed an envelope - postage paid even. The contents? Four cotton swabs. Why? To get myself on the bone marrow registry. Sweetie is cautious of this, he doesn't want me to have any pain. But I told him that I hope I am picked, I want to help. I think everyone should be on the registry and give blood. Come on, you can save lives. The way I think about it, if I needed it I would want others to have donated.

Yesterday, I went to the Doctor. Bottom line is that I am OK. I have Plantar Fibromatosis. It enlarged in the week I waited for the appointment. When I told the Dr this he asked if I had been massaging it. Well yes, I left off that I read on the internet to do this as he said "well, don't. don't touch it. touching it makes it bigger." So I am in the process of not touching it :-) I have a wrap on my foot and get to wear it for two weeks. Then I go back with my walking shoes and will have inserts made. I can still walk and we will just watch it. I don't have to do anything unless it starts to cause pain - then I face injections or surgery. I hope to get back into my walking very soon. I have no excuses now.

And on a side note, I took the paper invitations to Bug's school today (for the people who I did not have email addresses for). We caught two of her friends as they were leaving. I gave one to Bug and told her to give it to J (her best friend). She held it tight, found J and gave it to her. J took it and said a huge "thank you". Both were jumping and smiling. I don't think either knew what was in the envelope. It was the simple act of giving that made them happy. I love this age.

The full party mode has set in. There is so much to do even with what we have planned. I want it wonderful for her. Nope, not perfect, it won't be and I know this. However, I just want her to have a great time. She is saying over and over "my birthday comes next".

1st half of long weekend check in

We are moving right along with the b-day party planning. As of right now it is a Simpson, Thomas the Train, Spiderman, Totoro, and Princess party. I think the bottom line is that she just wants a day of celebrating her. Actually with her b-day falling on a Saturday, she gets three days celebrating her - lucky girl.

Here is where we stand:

Pick location of Bug's party - check
Send out invites - check for email ones, paper ones on Monday

This weekend has been fun. I hope we aren't boring Niece. We have gone shopping, gotten ice cream, played, watched movies, and played Wii.

Aren't they cute? Bug ADORES her Cousin. Poor Niece has trouble getting any time alone.

And look what we found in our backyard yesterday. I love Sun Flowers!
Now I wait for Niece to wake up so we can start our day. I told her this weekend is all about her and she gets to decide what we do.

I have to post this one as it is just too cute: And here is the video - the shorter of the two, but you shall get the idea.

Today is my Friday

Yep, I get a four day weekend. Tomorrow is Girls' day with my niece. I am not sure what we are going to do, but it will be fun.

I had to make an appointment to see a podiatrist, I go in on Wednesday. I have a lump in the arch of my foot. From the research I did, it looks to be nothing more than an overuse injury. We shall see. It hurts but not enough to where I cannot move around. I just don't think I am up for any training walks. And that sucks as I want to walk.

I have the CUTEST video of Bug. I need to get it up where people can see it. She just cracks me up. We have to get the invites out for her party this weekend. This means we must choose a theme already - she want a spiderman, princess, Thomas the train, totoro, kitty party. She did choose the cupcakes though - pink ones of course.

AND I have been "back on" the 'ol weight loss band wagon for four weeks now. I am happy to report a 7 pound loss :-) I am so close to my first mini goal that I can taste it. Don't worry I will let everyone know when I get there.

And with that, I am off for my weekend of FUN!!!

ahhhhh

Maybe it is the antibiotics that I received on Friday because apparently I was sick. Or maybe it is the fact that my happy pills are increased. Or maybe it is because I am feeling thin. Or maybe it is because my husband couldn't keep his hands off me this morning. Or maybe it is because my fingers and toes are no longer angry and are a beautiful pink. Or maybe it is because the universe likes me this week. Regardless, I feel great.

I had a great weekend. I enjoyed BestFriend time and girl talk. I enjoyed a long nap to help me feel better. And I enjoyed silly time with Sweetie and Bug.

Life is good.

Too Big

This morning was productive. My Niece is coming for four nights next weekend - and OMG I am so excited because it has been FOREVER since we had her for a weekend. She will be bunking in Bug's room. This means that it needs to be straightened up a bit. Sweetie was in charge of the toys and I was in charge of the clothing. As we jammed to Disney Cuties : Totally Techno I went through the pile of clothing on her chair. I have procrastinated on packing up clothing that was too small. Today was finally the day to face the fact that she is big. Each piece of clothing brought back memories. From the outfit she wore coming home from the hospital that was entirely too big, the shirt she wore when she got her tubes, the outfit she wore in Downtown Disney as she danced, to the everyday clothing that was our favorites. In so many ways that is still how I see her, small and a baby. She is a big girl. She has her own opinions, just ask her and you will find out. She plays, tells me about her day, says "I love you" without being prompted, and acts silly in a way that can cheer me up even on the darkest of days. She is my buddy. But the reality of her getting big really hit today. Sweetie said I was torturing him by showing him the newborn clothing. I was simply sharing :-) I still have two drawers to look through and determine what fits and what doesn't. After that all clothing too small will be packed. I hope we get the opportunity to use them again.

New Challenge

LiveStrong is back! This year we are forming a team. If you are in Austin the weekend of Oct 25-26, please join us for a 5k. When registering please reference team TEAMtamashii.

I challenge YOU to join me: family, friends, stalkers, everyone. We have almost six months to train for 3.1 miles. We can do this. We can join together and make a difference.

Come on everyone - let's kick some cancer ASS!!!!

Click here to join. Click here to donate.

SPRINT RACE CHALLENGE

Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention. I, Missy, have completed the Sprint Race Challenge. I completed three 5ks and two 10ks. Not only did I improve, but I beat my goal time for the last one. I got an average of a 15.61 mile and I ran more than I have ever run. In a nutshell, I kicked ass.

And you want to know the best part? BestFriend and Sweetie walked/ran with me. It was so awesome to have their support. Last year we started this craziness. It seems so long ago.

Of course with a good day we also had a downer. Bug is sick. Fever and tired. She isn't coughing or having a bad nose. The good news is that she bounces back fast from this kind of sick, at least I hope so. Currently her fever is gone thanks to the medicine. Blah. And we missed going out with Tammy and JM. But they understood, at least I hope we can get together with them soon. Bug loves her Doodle. I just have to get her better for tomorrow. She has to be good to help Sweetie make me his waffles.

I am doing good still. I have been tracking my food, making healthier choices, and feeling strong. And after today, I am excited to do more running with my walking. My knee might stop me from ever being a full on runner, but that is ok - because I am improving.

For now I am taking my poor baby to bed. Here's to a good night sleep to make her better.

dedicated

Thank you BestFriend for the wonderful update about me.

I have been very busy with two big projects at work and don't see an end in sight. My boss, as awesome as he is, has apparently forgotten how long these things take. But that is ok.

Speaking of work. Things are good. Unknown, but good. And for once I am truly ok with the unknown. I told my boss my stakes in the changes. Now I just need to tell his boss. And as of this past Friday, I have been employed here longer than at Telecom. That is a big step. And it is funny, I feel so much further along here. I know I had three months maternity leave, but I never felt as comfortable with my boss as I do now.


I think the other part of that is age. I love my 30's. I love not caring what others think and feeling like my thoughts and feelings matter.


Diet is back on track as of 4/24. As of my weigh in today, I am down 4.4 pounds. That is what I needed, to see a reduction - for a total of 36 since my heaviest. Now I need to be consistent with my walking. I walked this morning before work. I really need to get my butt of of bed because I so love early morning walks. All I need now is my new iPod to be uploaded so I have some music. I have the LAST 5k in the Spring Race Challenge on Saturday. I may have a 5k on June 1st - Run for the Rovers - come on have to do it for the animals. But that will depend on my foot. I am having some pain. My goal is to just finish the 5k. Worst case, I will not do the 6/1 5k and focus on recovery. I also need new shoes. I hate buying shoes.

Well that was as much of an update that I can do. It is time to go and get my girl. I hope everyone has a great night.

From the daisymouse fan club...

Hello! This is not Daisymouse (DM). This is "BFF" or as I'm known to my peers at work, "hey"

Since DM has been uber busy, I have hacked into her blog to update you on all that she is doing:

1. This Saturday is the final race in the Sprint Challenge. Not only has she completed the series, she has improved her time with each race (even with an injured foot)! Saturday's 5K will be a big awesome celebration and I think, the timing is perfect as its Mother's Day weekend. So if you're up at 8 a.m. Saturday, think good thoughts her way.

2. She's been crazy busy at work, putting in hours on the weekends (she's even at work now as I'm writing this!) and going to Excel trainings, etc. Lol, as if she needs training in Excel. Bill Gates calls her for Excel advice.

3. We did some work in her mom's (known to me as "G") front yard, digging her a new flowerbed, though we need to plant the flowers now. Daisymouse was nice and took a flattering picture of my old butt as I was bending over pulling some weeds, Thanks! D: And after that, her and Mr. Daisymouse, a.k.a. "Sweetie" painted G's shed. Not sure where they get all their energy.

4. YAYAYAY Saturday June 7, our little Ms. Bug will be THREE! How did that happen? DM is trying to organize a birthday party for her beautiful little girl which is difficult when the chosen theme varies from hour to hour from Totoro to Thomas the Train to Princess.

Here's a pic of DM and Mr. DM before the Capital 10K. Yes we're crazy (or dumb?) enough to get up at 5:30 in the morning on the weekend to put ourselves through pain.

And the Cap 10K was awful! Not only was the oak pollen so thick that the air was yellow, it was raining and humid which made the nearly straight up and down hills so slick people were sliding down. Ugh!

5. She's been studying for the first CPA test -> this time she's studying for the test that's easiest for her, because its in line with what she does (my idea! YAY sometimes one of my ideas is good!) My thoughts were that the hardest part of the test for her will be the newness of it and the uncertainty, and once she's past that, she'll blow through them. You really can't underestimate the scariness of going into something new - even when you're as determined and see-through-walls smart as DM.

6. She puts up with me and I'm high maintenance. Today she had to deal with a deep black depression I was in over the loss of a little bird that had been in my care. She did a good job being my rent-a-sister and I made it through the day. <3

Ok that's all that I can think of to write, but she'll be back on soon I think when everything calms down a bit.

Sincerely,
DM's fan club president

seeing some light

I went to the Dr on Friday for my results. And I have some good news to post. I am healthy. I am very healthy. Cholesterol, triglycerides, thyroid - all in check. YAY. The dr put me on some happy pills. I just need a little help in getting me in balance. And she put me on some that I can still work for #2 while taking them. So now I just need to get to the weight I want to be before starting to try. I am happy to say that I am already noticing the medicine starting to work.

Yesterday was the Texas Roundup 10k. I have a hurt foot - not sure the issue but it hurt. Well, I still went and did the 6.2 miles. And yet again I proved myself. I did it in 1:40:07. That is awesome for me. Please remember that I am a walker and not a runner. I took a little over 3 minutes off my time from the last 10k a month before and improved my minute per mile pace from the last 5k two weeks ago. The hills yesterday were rough - my butt is sore, if you don't know, you use your glutes more when you walk up hill vs walking on flat. Yep, sore. One more race and I will have finished the Sprint Challenge. This also will be 1 year of doing the 5ks and 10ks with focus. YAY me. Then I don't have another big race until August 31 which is the Nike+ Human Race 10k. Sweetie is going to run it so I will be on my own - luckily I have some time to train.

I have pics to post, but for some reason they aren't uploading in a timely manner. I have cute ones of Bug to post as well as the traditional BestFriend/me race photo. Oh well, perhaps two posts in one evening.

Thank you for your kind email/comments. It is nice to know that there are people who are supportive and understanding. And, yes, I need a trip to H-town soon.

Oh and I have to say that my life is a musical. My Bug, Sweetie, and I all sing made up songs. This is our normal routine. Sweetie didn't use to do this, but after living with me for nearly 11 years it just catches on. Bug just started singing her sentences to me - too damn cute.

still here

I am here. Not much to report. I have been fighting some depression - fun, I tell ya. And I hate for my blog to be too negative, so I have been away. I did get a physical on Monday. Dr is going to talk to me on Friday about the results and potential happy pills. What's wrong? Nothing and everything. Sad about Alley, normal chemical issues, and feeling overwhelmed with life - nothing major.

I have been eating very poorly. I am sure it is due to the emotions I am going through.

I just need a swift kick in the butt. I need motivation. I need to feel like I am on top of everything.

My eyes feel so tired all of the time, I don't want to do anything, and then beat myself up for doing nothing. Endless cycle of life.

But I have a new phone and it makes me feel important. It is a work phone. This means I am "on-call" all the time. And that is ok.

CPA class starts next week. I hope my life stabilizes so I can actually test with this one. The goal is to pass ONE and then I have 18 months to pass the other three.

Oh and Blah!

And then there is everything I want to do for the house. Things I want to get it ready for sale, read for another addition to the family, or ready for me to feel complete in it.

Did I mention I am all over the place?

I just have to break this funk.

OK that was the most depressing post ever.

lost all words

Can't talk, too hard, crying cannot stop. I just need my alone time. We had to make the hardest decision ever. Just not fair. Hurts too bad.

RIP Alley - my big girl, my love, MY cat, our home will never be the same without our "dog".

Moved my buns

In spite of terrible allergies, we did it. I wasn't feeling top notch so my goal was to simply finish the 5k. I hoped the exercise might help me to feel better. Sweetie was awesome, yet again, and was my partner through the race. Once again I didn't take a stopwatch, like with our last race, and I focused on going at a good pace that felt good. I even ran the last .10 of a mile.

I wasn't obsessed about the time. I didn't even check the website until getting home from the grocery store. Damn if I didn't get yet another PR. Not a huge time improvement, but enough to make me feel better in spite of my horrible allergies.

It was a great race. My knee is a little sore but overall I am feeling good from the event. The best part was meeting up with BestFriend after the race for our traditional post race brunch. She sat this one out, but I still wanted to celebrate with her. I might still have to go into the doc next week for some antibiotics for my sinuses.

Three races down, two to go.

yet another 5k

Getting ready for another 5k tomorrow, Schlotzsky's Bun Run. Tonight, to prepare ourselves, we watched "Run Fat Boy Run". It was so very funny. That and sushi means I am ready. Of course the Oak might just kill me. I have to see an allergist soon. My ONLY goal for tomorrow is to finish. There is no way that I will get a PR with my sinuses feeling like ass. But that is ok. I will be out there with Sweetie for the Sunshine Camps.

emotions run crazy

Things are very strange in my world lately. There is a lot of drama, there is a lot of emotion. I cannot go into a lot of it, as it isn't my place, but I am discovering that my mood is altered because of it.

What I can say is that the drama isn't about me. It isn't even really my business other than it involves my family - and thus it is my business. I just hate seeing anyone hurt. My family is so small and I like to think that we cling together during hard times, but when official statuses are in the process of changing I lose grasp with where I stand, how to act, and what to do.

Being happy is so very important. And, if you know me at all, you know that I believe happiness is a choice. Not that you should keep a stiff upper lip, be grateful for what you have, and be happy regardless. That is not what I mean at all. My marriage has had good times and bad times and bliss times (yay for being in bliss times). We decided long ago to fight for what we have and to decide to be happy. That came out wrong too. Hmmmm. We decided to make our marriage one that makes us happy. Yes, that is closer to sounding like what I mean. Of course, this isn't for everyone. Sometimes it is time to say it is the end.

The person going through this whole mess means the world to me. He drives me crazy at times, but it is his role. I don't want to see him hurt. I also think my biggest fear right now is being pushed away. This happened about 10 years ago and I cannot let it happen again. And things keep getting more and more complicated for him. It just isn't fair.

And it is getting to me. Not that he shouldn't vent, chat, confide, or lean on me. When it all started I didn't think it would even phase me. Why should it? I am simply a third party to this madness. But I am who I am and I take it all in.

BestFriend says that I take things personally. It is true. It is who I am. If you come to me crying, I will cry with you. If you are mad, chances are I will get mad too. I take it in. I absorb it. But I am not fragile. I am not someone you should treat with kid gloves. Just because I am reacting to the emotions, does not mean do not talk to me.

The hard part is caring about both sides. This was the case with BestFriend. I think I did well in juggling, but it was hard. And now, I didn't fully understand how much I care for this other person until all of this started. She is family. And that isn't going to change. Yet, as my life seems to dictate, complications grow.

I just want everyone happy. I just want everyone to feel bliss.

Friends, Ink, Happiness, Beautiful Weekend

BestFriend hosted a Henna party yesterday. With DarkDiva's henna, BestFriend's beautiful home, the beautiful day, and gracious shade from a tree, it was a perfect afternoon. I did my own henna, pictures to come. I was silly and didn't follow a pattern, simply did what I wanted.

The remainder of the weekend consisted of relaxing, walking, working out with Sweetie (we are attempting the P90 challenge once again), and many laughs with Bug.

busy busy busy

This has been a busy week. Monday I got the results of my thyroid test, dr had me go ahead and get it tested, and it is still normal. This means my symptoms are due to stress/allergies - thank goodness. Monday night and yesterday I was at a Sales Conference for work. It was good but busy.

OK that is all. Time to sleep.